Skip to main content

The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant–04.23.12

The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 04.23.12

Live from Detroit, MI

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler

Tonight! A very special three hour show for some reason that’s not particularly clear.

Teddy Long hosts the official contract signing for Cena v. Brock, and introduces Cena as a “two time WWE champion and ten-time WWE champion.” Live TV! However, Big Johnny interrupts and points out that Brock isn’t here yet, so Cena needs to leave the ring. However, now Edge makes a surprise appearance, and he doesn’t even know who this John Cena is. You think you know him? Edge is PISSED that John is apparently scared of losing to Brock, and he needs to find the Cena of old who beat up on Edge in the past. He needs to beat Brock because Brock only loves money and not wrestling. Given that Cena has done nothing but crack jokes and smirk in between his beatings thus far, I didn’t find this a particularly convincing segment.

Chris Jericho v. Kofi Kingston

Instead of Twitter they are now pimping Facebook’s WWE page. Kofi clotheslines him to the floor off a dropkick and fakes a dive, then controls with an armbar in the ring. Jericho pounds him in the corner and grabs a headlock, but Kofi gets a back elbow for two. Jericho faceplants him to take over again, but misses a blind charge and lands on the floor. Kofi follows with a tope con hilo, and we take a break. Back with Jericho in control again, but Kofi rolls him up for two. Jericho slugs away and goes to a surfboard and gets the bulldog, but the Lionsault misses as usual. Kofi with a rana for two and he makes the comeback. Jericho cuts him off with a lariat for two. Kofi goes up with a crossbody, but Jericho rolls through for two. Kofi with the SOS for two. Boomdrop sets up the wacky kick, but Jericho catches it and tries the Walls. Kofi flips out of that and goes up, but lands in a codebreaker and Jericho finishes with the Walls at 11:33. Same basic match as they had on Smackdown the night before Wrestlemania weekend. It was fine, although the crowd was pretty bored for most of it. *** Jericho promises a gift for Punk later tonight.

Video package for Brock Lesnar, as they show him destroying Jeff Hardy at Backlash 2002. Nyuk nyuk.

Meanwhile, Big Johnny hires Eve as his executive assistant.

Another look at the Brock video from last week. Hey, we’ve got three hours to kill, why not?

Meanwhile, CM Punk gets a liquor basket from Chris Jericho.

Lord Tensai v. R-Truth

Truth fires away on Tensai to start, but Tensai puts him down with a shoulderblock and chokes him out in the corner. Butterfly suplex and senton set up the MEHSHUGGANATOR and GREEN CLAW OF DEATH at 1:54. OK, they put him over Cena and he’s still not over, it’s time to try something different. Plus he doesn’t even have a match on the PPV. ½* The logical thing would have been to put him over Santino here to actually make people invested in him.

Speaking of people being uninvested, Kane comes out to cut a promo against Randy Orton. They’re having a falls count anywhere match at the PPV, which of course differs greatly from the Extreme Rules and Chicago Street Fight matches also populating the show. Kane notes that Orton’s family is his weakness, so Orton pops onto the screen with a tied up and beaten Paul Bearer in the freezer. Kane laughs it off because he’s EVIL. So Orton comes out and brawls with Kane instead. And chases off the monster.

Alberto Del Rio & Cody Rhodes v Big Show & Great Khali

So they announce Big Show v. Cody Rhodes in yet another Wrestlemania rematch for the PPV, but the stipulation is “to be determined”. Sounds EXTREME! Khali goes after Cody’s knee to start and chases him out of the ring and it’s over to ADR. He gets nowhere and runs away as we take a break. Back with Show tossing Del Rio around, but Cody yanks him out of the ring and hurts the knee. Back in, the heels go to work on it as Cole clarifies that the stipulation will be determined on Sunday. Then why even bother having one? Do they think anyone even gives a shit about this match and/or cares if it’s a no countouts or submission match or whatever? The heels continue working on the knee and Cody gets a figure-four, but Show fights out. He fights off the heels by himself, and ADR has had enough of the match and walks out on it. Show finishes with the chokeslam at 10:00. Pretty dull stuff. *1/2

Meanwhile, Jericho meets with Big Johnny and accuses Punk of drinking booze in his dressing room, as Eve points out that WWE superstars are not allowed to consume alcohol within 12 hours of a show. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess Steve Austin was in violation of that every night for years, then. So Jericho wants Punk to take a field sobriety test later. This is so lame.

Meanwhile, Josh Matthews asks Brock Lesnar one stupid question too many and gets beat up for it.

Divas title: Beth Phoenix v. Nikki Bella

So is Nikki the one we’re supposed to be cheering for now? Because the twins are clearly back together in the ring. Eve comes out and makes this a lumberjack match for some reason. That’s the theme of the night – “for some reason”. Beth tosses Nikki around to start and slams her off the top for two. Backbreaker gets two and Beth goes to a surfboard as some of the random chicks at ringside pound the mat and pretend to give a shit. I know the feeling. Beth tosses Nikki and twists her ankle on the way out after her, and a big brawl erupts for some reason. Nikki rolls her up for the title at 4:03 for some reason. Oh my god, her contract is about to expire! IT’S THE SUMMER OF BELLA! ½*

Meanwhile, Teddy Long breaks the news of the sobriety test to CM Punk, who seems suspiciously drunk for a straight edge.

CM Punk comes out for his sobriety test, and if you can’t tell where this is going I don’t know what to say to you. So Punk does an exaggerated (but funny) drunk act, which leads the indy geeks dressed as cops to declare him legally intoxicated. So Punk has to forfeit the title to Jericho for some reason, but he was only FAKING. I regret to inform you that this ruse was ALSO A RUSE! He still screws up reciting the alphabet backwards, but keeps the title. Lame, lame, lame. This is supposed to make me want to see them fight for the title in a STREET FIGHT? Because Punk outwitted a moron and faked being drunk? Backstage, Big Johnny seethes like Dean Bitterman at having his clever plan foiled.

BROCKAMANIA! Back in 2002, Brock destroys Hulk Hogan. And they say Vince doesn’t care about TNA.

Sheamus v. Mark Henry

I really wish they’d find something to do with Henry. He’s not gonna be awesome forever. Daniel Bryan is the special referee here, which finally wakes up the crowd. Henry pounds on Sheamus until he comes back with shots of his own, prompting Bryan to break things up. Sheamus is MAD but can’t hit Bryan due to his probation, and Henry knocks Sheamus down for a super-fast pin at 1:33. Sheamus attacks him after the match, which would seem to be in violation of his terms, but Bryan lays him out and puts the YES LOCK on him.

Epico & Primo v. Zack Ryder & Santino

What happened to the Santino-Brodus team? They got bored of it already? Ryder controls Epico with armdrags and a flapjack. Broski boot, but Rosa distracts him and he ends up hitting the post as a result. Ryder plays geek-in-peril as Primo gets a chinlock. Primo misses a springboard senton, and it’s hot tag Santino. Cobra finishes Primo at 3:13. Some week the tag champions might win a match, I suppose. *

Meanwhile, Kane finally rescues Paul Bearer from the freezer…and then locks him in again.

Meanwhile, Abraham Washington makes his pitch to the tag champs, pointing out that they’re jokes. Yeah, that’ll get them over.

Brodus Clay & Hornswoggle v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

This is presented by Taco Bell, for some reason. Ziggler actually gets to sell a flying headscissors from the midget, and Clay comes in and destroys both heels, leading to Vickie coming in for the DQ at 1:54. This screwjob finish brought to you by Taco Bell! DUD

Brock Lesnar wins the WWE title from Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania 19 as the TNA burial continues.

Main Event Contract Signing, Take 2

This time, Cena won’t come out, so Brock negotiates with Big Johnny instead. Brock has DEMANDS. Johnny will have to run any decisions involving Brock through Brock. And he wants Vince’s private jet. And MONDAY NIGHT RAW STARRING BROCK LESNAR. Johnny agrees to all the ridiculous terms, so Brock signs the contract, and Cena’s music finally hits. Whose bright idea was it to have Brock Lesnar TALK for 20 minutes? Anyway, Cena comes out, they have the staredown, Cena backs down, and we’re out. That was a LONG show.

The Pulse

What a pointless use of a three-hour show. It wasn’t actively bad for the most part, but once we got to the tag champions jobbing to the jobbers and the midget biting Vickie on the ass (presented by TACO BELL!) I was just really ready for it to end already. Putting Brock on this show was a total waste of one of his appearances, because all the buys were sold two weeks ago and they only needed to do video packages from then on. On the bright side, I have to work really early tomorrow, so this was the perfect show to put me to sleep.

Comments

  1. you know what?  haters gonna hate but john will rise above it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Southern_DiscomfortApril 23, 2012 at 11:48 PM

    "I FEEL THE FEELINGS THAT YOU ARE FEELING AND I KNOW THAT YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU FEEL BECAUSE I FEEL THAT FEELING THAT YOU'RE FEELING."

    God, I've loved the last few weeks but this entire show was just so, so bad.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Southern_DiscomfortApril 23, 2012 at 11:51 PM

    ...so, so bad aside from Punk's "drunk" act which I must admit had me cracking up.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 2 of 3 falls, Chicago Street Fight, Extreme Rules, Falls Count Anywhere...is WWE so poor that they can't afford to pay for any stips that would actually cost money??

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Lesnar beating up TNA guys videos was so WCW early Nitro days. I remember the ones of WCW wrestlers beating the likes of Stunning Steve Austin, Cactus Jack, etc. My favorite was Luger beating "Mean" Mark Callous.

    ReplyDelete
  6.  I'm kind of disappointed Dolph didn't oversell more than he did for Hornswoggle. I mean, he sold more than he should have, but this is a guy who made a monkey flip look lethal at Wrestlemania. I was hoping he'd really go over the top with it, like the Michaels vs. Hogan of midget on full grown man violence.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I still don't get the point of making Super Cena so scared of Brock that he flinches away from Johnny Ace. Unless of course it's the heel turn that will never happen or the heroic overcoming of his fear itself against all the decks stacked against him, or whatever.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wasn't this RAW suppose to be Extreme? They should of just stuck to the Draft, you wouldn't have pissed most of the fans off. 

    ReplyDelete
  9. I almost expected Brock to orgasm from the feelings/ring vibrations like Molly Shannon in "Talladega Nights"...judging by his tone/facials it wouldn't have been unexpected and woulda put this show over the top

    ReplyDelete
  10. PS...I am watching Superbrawl III and want the eventual Cena-Brock rematch to take place in the White Castle of Fear..."Ceeeennaaaaaaa"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Gotta say that I'm still finding the new site to be clunky and slow, plus navigation isn't so smooth (comments are set by pages, so you have to move back and forth, archives are one gigantic list).

    ReplyDelete
  12. If you can't see the parallels with Sting/Vader I can't help u...the first match should play out just like GAB 92..then follow the rest exactly.  If anyone can remake the White Castle videos phottoshopping Cena and Brock's heads on their respective bodies, and maybe do some voiceovers, I will PAY you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Eve's boobs and the Bella's outfits were extreme...the rest of the show was extremely bad

    ReplyDelete
  14. AND I CAN'T STOP THIS FEELING ANYMORE!  I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT I STARTED FIGHTING FOR!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Totally! If only he had a shirt and hat I could wear on dates that encompassed that message!

    ReplyDelete
  16. As much vag as you'll see on a PG show, but damn they are gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Tensai is even more dead in the water than last time. Now that he beat Cena there's no point in going back to fighting jobbers. He's either main event or not. They need to either shit or get off the pot with him already. 

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like him and reaally, really, want him to succeed...but damn those Albert chants are deafening and relentless...they have to find a way to put that to bed and let Matt Bloom shine as he is a damn talented big man worker...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Even if they had him admit to being Albert then playing off the chants as heat to fuel his rage...but just ignoring it is killing him right out the gate.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm sure WWE will ruin the fun and squash that next week. Here's to hoping Vince's manhood kicks. 

    ReplyDelete
  21. Kofi proves that you can be a good worker and have good matches but if you never go over anyone significant fans will stop investing in you. Damn shame too because I think the fans really want to like him but the WWE will never give him the nod to be treated like a legitimate threat to the upper card.

    ReplyDelete
  22. BTW what are the over-under odds for Zack Ryder turning heel and feuding with Santino?

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'd like to see a progression of Randy Orton's dad killer gimmick...first on the list is Cena's bulbous, fame hogging toad of a father.

    ReplyDelete
  24.  100 to 1 against.

    ReplyDelete
  25.  They should have just stopped patronizing the fans and just openly acknowledged that he was A Train after the first week. Have him cut a promo about how he's a new man and Japan made him a superior wrestler compared to anyone in WWE or something. Why would anyone boo him rattling off some Japanese phrases in a box promo? That shit might have gotten over in 1969 but come on its 2012 people.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Funny four three months or so ago Ryder was US Champ, in main events, buddies with Cena...while Santino was a joke jobber who stood no chance against anyone.  What a difference...at this point I'd be surprised if Santino didn't beat Zach clean in under a minute.

    ReplyDelete
  27. AGREED!! It does absolutely no harm, and actually, ENHANCES the gimmick by him saying people treated him as a joke as Albert...he found himself in Japan, destroyed the best and now he's back for vengeance.  Even play into the Albert thing to fuel his rage..doesn't damage the character and gives him legit heat.

    ReplyDelete
  28. EXPLAIN why he is covered in Japanese characters..EXPLAIN why he speaks Japanese and dresses as a samurai..trotting him out there when people know who he is with no explaination is a deathwish...a simple exposition will dead all resistance to him

    ReplyDelete
  29. Kofi is the modern day Tito Santana...nothing more, nothing less.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Wow, sounds awful, glad I chose to stick with hockey.

    The fact that they were clearly putting Brock over all of TNA is downright hilarious though. 

    ReplyDelete
  31. I was hoping they'd show him F5 a Bobby Roode hologram, since that's all the rage these days

    ReplyDelete
  32. Call me sick and depraved but tonight I woulda loved to have been Hornswoggle takin' a chomp out of Vickie's "keister"(TM mid-90s commentator Vince McMahon)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Santino's Richard Simmons act is like watching drag queen comedy with the naughty context stripped away. I've posted here plenty of times saying that I enjoy the burial of Ryder, but I would pick him first.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Brock: Are you feeling what I'm feeling, little Johnny?
    Cena: I think so, Brock; but how are we supposed to find an audience this far into the show?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Did they show anyone besides Jeff Harvey, Hulk Hogan, and Kurt Angle? Because it seems like them showing Brock’s first PPV match, him destroying the biggest name in pro wrestling ever, and his big Wrestlemania championship win doesn’t necessarily mean they were acknowledging TNA. Or maybe I’m just being naive. 

    ReplyDelete
  36. I completely agree. This take on the "evil Japanese" seems completely outdated - as is the samurai aesthetic. Heck, when Pillman feuded with Liger in 1992 (!!!) he attempted to evoke xenophobia by talking about the takeover of the Japanese auto industry - you know, stuff that might actually be relevant to some of the audience - not kamikaze nonsense. Lord Tensai should be Lord Pikachu or something.

    I am not even sure any particular anti-Japan sensibility anymore. Even if there was, the audience needs a good reason to hate Tensai for acting in this way (since he is clearly NOT Japanese). They need to be given a reason to fear him as a "foreigner". It could even make for some great vignettes. Albert goes to the library and learns about Japanese-American internment camps in World War II. I just imagine him giving a "WTF!!!" face while sitting in a booth at some local library. Then you can have his transformation - ala Barney in How I Met Your Mother - from simple Albert to EEEEVVVIIILLLL (Indeed!) Tensai.

    Damn, now he is just a comedy character...

    ReplyDelete
  37. Punk saying WWF Universe - and their attempt to bleep it out - made me laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I don't care what you guys say, that Jericho/Punk segment was awesome and the crowd was way into it.

    ReplyDelete
  39. They showed him beating the Rock first.  Right after Edge told Cena that it took the Rock 8 years to get over...well to get over exactly what they showed next.  I thought it was a nice touch.

    Although Brock over the entire TNA roster was pretty special also.  I enjoyed how they could get that part right and yet decide to have him speak about contract stipulations for 10 minutes, boring the hell out of the crowd.

    ReplyDelete
  40. THREADJACK!

    I don't know if any of you guys are fans of Community, but my mind was blown earlier today when I saw that Gillian Jacobs ("Britta") is a wrestling fan. And I'm not talking about WWE (although she very well may be). I'm talking the kind of fan who goes to multiple PWG shows in the span of a couple years.

    It's not a huge deal, but as a fan of that show I thought it was pretty cool.

    Source: her Twitter feed

    ReplyDelete
  41.  I liked Steve Regal beating up on British Bulldog. Its funny cause Regal didnt win the match of the clip they were showing, and Regal went to WWE and Bulldog went to WCW shortly thereafter.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I fucking LOVE Community. Only 'officially' on season 2 here in the UK, and on a nothing cable channel, but thanks to the wonders of the internet I'm up to speed with season 3.

    That's pretty cool.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Throw me into the camp that enjoyed the Punk/Jericho stuff. Sure, everyone could see where it was going as soon as Jericho started bitching to Big Johnny, but some of the best angles/segments are entirely predictable but awesome cause everyone plays their roles well. You people are the reason Vince Russo became obsessed with SWERVES~. You created that monster, deal with it.

    I'd have called it a solid stand-up double of a segment had it not been for Punk's unfortunate botch of the backwards alphabet.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Because having vulnerability in your protagonist is a good thing.  And even with Brock as Brock, Cena doing the Triple H Cactus Jack job for Brock will make people think Brock might win.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Unless you're offering $200 a month for a dedicated server, this is what you've got.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Man, no matter how they're portrayed, santino and Ryder are still the most over faces in the company. And has anybody thought that the crowd being silent for tensai is due to being in awe?

    ReplyDelete
  47. Not really, no. Perhaps in awe of the company's miserable attempt to disguise Albert, while simultaneously expecting fans to remember so-called legends from thirty years ago. There's suspension of disbelief and then there's Benoit levels of crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I recently hung out with a friend who attended last year's WM in Atlanta, and through some connections was able to get into some backstage events and spend some time hanging out with the head writer of Raw, who also plays Ranjin Singh.  He also went to IHOP with the Great Khali, but that's another story.  Anyway, he heard the story of a recently hired writer brought in that spring, and in all seriousness, asked "What's a WrestleMania?"  So not only do these writers not understand wrestlign, they've never heard of WrestleMania.  What a joke.

    ReplyDelete
  49. You know why I feel Brock Lesner is the best heel in a long time?... because he scares the crap of me via a TV screen... he is one intimidating MOFO.

    ReplyDelete
  50.  Can we just rename Extreme Rules to Let's See How Many Different Names We Have For A No DQ No Count Out Match?

    ReplyDelete
  51. Did anyone catch Jericho knocking that sign out of a fan's hand after his match? I don't know why but i found it hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  52. WWE Uncensored! Bring back The Blacktop Bully!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 7:47 AM

    Props to whoever the commenter on here who last week was referencing how Cena wasn't the same guy that threw Edge into the river, maybe someone on the creative team reads these boards!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Yeah no one is going to boo just because you're from a country we don't like. Although the stupid thing is we LIKE Japan so why would we boo someone from there? You need to give us a REASON. Have him go out there and say Japanese wrestling is superior to WWE. He should have been an arrogant dominating monster heel who just happened to be from Japan.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 7:51 AM

    So you want Tensai to be US champion even though he is not over, or you just want to book another champion to lose, which I thought has been a problem? I'm confused.

    Is Beth hurt in real life and that was the reason for the random title change and injury angle?

    ReplyDelete
  56. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 7:52 AM

    I give Punk credit for even getting that close to getting it right.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 7:55 AM

    Poor Brock also needed to figure out that he had made the demands numerous times, he just wanted them to be met.

    ReplyDelete
  58. I thought the end segment was fine but there had to be some payoff. You'd think after Edge's big speech that Cena would lay out Brock or at the very least cut a promo. It's not like Cena can feud with Edge after he loses to Brock on Sunday. Disappointing to see a great Edge promo go to waste and not lead anywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 8:10 AM

    It can lead to something at Extreme Rules, Edge's whole point was Cena needs to win, so the payoff can't come until Sunday anyway.

    I found the last segment pretty dull and not an effective way to do a final sell for the match.

    ReplyDelete
  60. If Tito was in his prime now, "Arriba!" would be as popular as "What?", "Damn!" and "Yes!".

    Plus, it would have it's own hashtag.

    ReplyDelete
  61. But he is not going to win so...pointless. And it's not like Edge can feud with Cena for letting everyone down. 

    ReplyDelete
  62. ....unless you're Kofi Kingston.

    ReplyDelete
  63. I heard they switched it to Nikki Bella so Kharma can squash her to get the title.  Then it will be bye bye Bellas.  I must say Beth was selling the injury pretty well though.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 8:44 AM

    Then the story moves on to what is wrong with Cena, he is letting everyone down, he can't beat these guys that aren't about the business, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Never thought I'd say this but Brock's entrance just isn't the same without Taz yelling, 'Welp, here comes da pain!'

    ReplyDelete
  66. Ryder is not more over than Punk, not even close.  Santino on the other hand?  He may be the most over face in the company which is funny to me for so many reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  67. I'm not sure if I'm the one you're referring to but I did say that after watching the Edge DVD.  And hey, he even referenced the exact scenario.  I thought Edge's promo was great, but three hours later it paled in comparison to the snoozefest that Brock delivered.  I see what they were going for, but it was a weak way to end the show.

    ReplyDelete
  68. My grandmother used to be able to recite the alphabet backwards without a thought.

    ReplyDelete
  69. The problem with Brock is that he may have the physical tools to be awesome but having him relate to the crowd and show a personality is tougher to accomplish when he doesn't have a mouthpiece like Paul Heyman. Total deer in the headlights for Lesnar.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Totally - Vickie is hot as hell.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 9:28 AM

    Hahahhahahahaha, Brock Lesnar in FCW?

    ReplyDelete
  72. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 9:29 AM

    Brak, yes it was you.

    ReplyDelete
  73. One other thing that really bothered me about the show - I understand that we, the audience, have to suspend disbelief to a certain degree, to the point where we have to accept the entire "invisible cameraman" aspect of backstage goings-on, but that whole thing with locking Paul Bearer in the freezer? I could understand if Orton and/or Kane were standing there guarding it, to make sure that nobody attempted to save Bearer, but they both just walked away! Why didn't anybody help Bearer?

    Even worse than that, there were POLICE OFFICERS there! And not just the vague notion of them being around somewhere, I mean they were RIGHT THERE IN THE RING! They were acknowledged! Why didn't one of the COPS go help?

    I can accept the idea of all types of attempted homicide being committed, if I say basically fan-wank and tell myself "well, the cops aren't watching the show, so they don't know about it", but when you actually integrate them into the script of the very same episode where this stuff is happening, acknowledging that they're in the building and TROTTING THEM OUT TO THE RING AS PART OF A STORYLINE... AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Is it a bad thing that I actually want them to call it Uncensored?


    Yeah, it's bad thing.

    ReplyDelete
  75. You laugh but Brock has not wrestled on a full time schedule since 2004.  I don't think his first match back will be an instant classic.  Unless you want to convince me that his UFC tenure has kept him in the same mode  to still be able to wrestle a great match.

    ReplyDelete
  76. No one is in "awe" of Lord Hentai. Chanting "Albert" shows fans aren't buying the act.

    And while yes, Santino and Ryder are over, they aren't more over than Punk.

    ReplyDelete
  77. It is really no fun attending one of these three hour RAW shows where NOTHING happens for the majority of the show: commercials, backstage segments, video packages. Someone was in the ring doing something (usually standing there talking) for a total of about 1 hour in a 3 hour show. People are going to stop going to these shitty shitty shows!!
    It's no damn FUN! Isn't that the point of going? Fun?
    WWE, go f*** yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Christopher HirschApril 24, 2012 at 9:48 AM

    You think Brock Lesnar would have ever in a million years agreed to go to FCW? That is what I am laughing about.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Its both really, many video packages they make of wrestlers will show them doing moves on people now in other companies.  It also happens in this case that those matches were very important in his career, so killing 2 birds with 1 stone.  One point Ive been wanting to make as well is how respectful WWE is, especially on DVDs, to Kurt Angle.  Never any badmouthing just home much each guy thinks he helped them out and how great a time they had with him.  I can only imagine that he will have 1 more run, or at least 1 match, with them before he retires.  Unless he dies in the Impact Zone first of course.

    ReplyDelete
  80. I've read my fair share of ridiculous things on the interweb, but Brock going to FCW for "a couple of months" is at the top of the list. 

    ReplyDelete
  81. The Love-Matic Grandpa!April 24, 2012 at 10:17 AM

    I think last night proved that, ultimately, Vince McMahon is now truly incapable trying anything different for any significant amount of time. I remember how "off" he seemed during the SoP, and I just chalked it up to age and fatigue. But I think he was just extremely nervous about straying too far from his safety zone and the established "WWE Style". So, despite Brock specifically being hyped as something unique and different in the WWE Universe, he just has to go out and cut the standard Twenty-Minute Promo because that's what Vince knows and is familiar with.

    It took a hell of a lot of convincing for Vince to embrace "Attitude" way back when. I wonder what it will take to convince him that many of his ideas of professional wrestling has to be in 2012 are outdated and counterproductive?

    ReplyDelete
  82.  It's one thing to show vulnerability. It's an entirely different thing to be the first wrestler ever to shrink away from Johnny. And the whole showing vulnerability thing would be fine if it weren't for last week's blood-filled smirks.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Yeah, that's pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever read.

    ReplyDelete
  84. They still chant for Ryder.

    ReplyDelete
  85. "We don't have time to flesh out midcard storylines, we've got a Hornswoggle segment to write!  Now shut up or we'll job you to Mason Ryan next week!"  -- WWE Creative

    ReplyDelete
  86. Sure they do, but he's not at the same level as Punk or Santino as "the most over faces in the company".  Just saying...

    ReplyDelete
  87. He also had WCW kicking his ass on a weekly basis to help him "embrace" Attitude.

    Bully Ray as main eventer and ODB/Eric Young as knockouts tag champs is not causing him to lose any sleep over TNA.

    ReplyDelete
  88. You should write WWE and let them know. Nothing will change posting at the Blog of Doom. I've been to some really boring shows, too. It's unforgivable with as much talent as they have. I swear the best live wrestling show I've been to (besides Summerslam 2008, which was really good live), was an ROH show at the Indiana State Fairgrounds about 3 years ago. Roderick Strong, Claudio Castonogli, Tyler Black and Austin Aries, the Briscoes and Jimmy Cornette were all there. Black/Strong headlined, it was their one night tournament. And the best part....IT WAS FREE!

    ReplyDelete
  89. Lame ending from last night aside, I like what they're doing with Brock Lesnar.

    When Rock came back to "confront" Cena.....he did so, based on some interview (maybe there were multiple ones, I dont really remember)  where Cena had questioned the Rock's love for WWE.   So as a result,  Rock had to come in all angry and agitated at Cena.   The problem is, you can't really say  "in 2006 you said blah blah blah blah" over and over to keep a feud going, so it degenerated into silly name calling and such, to the point where Rock was basically having to say  "uh..uhh..uh...yer stu

    ReplyDelete
  90. The Love-Matic Grandpa!April 24, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    True enough.

    ReplyDelete
  91. yeah, I think the three-hour show drags out these promos too long. But Lesnar is doing just fine -- his job is basically to be a big giant a-hole bully.

    It's basically Rocky III -- Lesnar the big bully that lays waste to all, including our hero, and then Rock lends Cena help in getting back to the promised land.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Considering Brock hated being in OVW back in the day I don't this would fly.  Brock wouldn't come back to go to FCW and WWE sure as hell ain't paying him $5-million a year to be in FCW for a couple months.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Everyone is tearing Brock apart for his promo, but was I watching the same thing? I don't necessarily agree with the thinking behind it (what Love-Matic Grandpa said), but for what they asked him to do I thought he killed it. His gimmick reminds me of Evil Dave, except better because I'm not even sure it's a gimmick. I really buy that he's an egomaniacal, mercenary douchebag. And that's the most important part of any wrestling promo, that you buy it. It plays perfectly off his UFC antics, and what we know of his reputation backstage. His delivery wasn't the usual scripted style, but to me that's a good thing. He's just so at ease with his dickness, I thought it was really different and compelling. He might be the guy who comes across least like he's cutting a promo, and most like he means everything he says.

    ReplyDelete
  94. The content was fine, but the problem was the delivery.  He stumbled on his words, repeated himself (and repeated words), and seemingly stopped talking midsentence and then began talking about something else.  It came across, to me anyway, as very unnatural and uncomfortable.  It went on far too long (which may or may not have been his fault).  And it was only worsened by the fact that there wasn't a strong response afterwards.  It just wasn't a very good promo to end the show on.

    ReplyDelete
  95. I was more bothered by the fact that they clearly showed the camera showing Punk "drinking," yet this wasn't brought up when Johnny Ace said there needed to be proof that he was drunk.  Why not have Jericho bring up that they taped him, only for Ace to say that you can't see what's in the cup so they had to do the test in the ring anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  96. In retrospect, it was actually a great use of Edge.  Maybe it's because he left as a face, but you could truly believe that Edge and Cena (as characters) respected each other once their war had ended.  And he was able to hit those emotional notes that Brock and ocassionally Cena struggle with.  And best of all?  When he left the ring, you didn't see him again.  He sent his message, and they didn't harp on him by showing him backstage leaving or something.

    ReplyDelete
  97. The big difference is that Santino is a novelty.  If he was in as many segments as Punk, and those segments were as long as Punk's typically are, and he continued appearing at that rate for an extended period of time, I don't think he'd remain that over.

    ReplyDelete
  98. As for the length of the show, apparently this was supposed to be the annual Draft show (which is fucking pointless now in itself), but they changed their minds for...some reason I dunno. Draft show is gonna be in June, so sayeth Brayn Alvarez.

    ReplyDelete
  99. He's also included in virtually every "Best Of" list they do on WWE.com.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Poor ROH. I really hope they can survive their current financial woes. Obviously, it's not as great a promotion as it was previously (mostly because there was a massive talent exodus) but it was a fantastic place for young and talented up-and-comers to learn their trade.

    ReplyDelete
  101. I hear what you're saying but FCW isn't the answer for the money Brock's getting paid. Still, I'm curious what kind of preparation Brock's undertaking. For example, Rock worked out with Curt Hawkins and Joe Hennig to help get rid of the ring rust. I wonder if Brock will do something similar.

    Probably not because he didn't really work out of his comfort zone when he was an MMA fighter. He brought the camp to him rather than training with an established team.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Craig's exactly right, and it's commendable for them to actually remember something that was said/happened a year ago and call back to it/pay it off.

    I'm one of the few who's actively going to miss the Bellas, though.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Not sure if you're an MMA fan but did you see him with his Viking beard? INSANE! He should grow it back!

    ReplyDelete
  104. Well, to be fair, after how crappy WM 27, I was walking around asking "What's a Wrestlemania?" as well...

    ReplyDelete
  105. When it comes to wrestling, Gillian Jacobs must be streets-ahead. 8 )

    ReplyDelete
  106. Good luck trying to explain to the hologram makers who the hell Bobby Roode is! 8 )

    ReplyDelete
  107. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 12:17 PM

    That was more or less exactly what I said when they got into the ring. "I've been waiting my whole life to watch Zig sell for a little person."

    ReplyDelete
  108. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    Haven't read all the comments yet but something occurred to me last night: shouldn't Ryder have sold the high-five with Santino after the match? It was his Cobra hand and as we all know, all his power comes from the sock.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 12:20 PM

    I thought the segment itself was horrible but Punk was fantastic. If that makes any sort of sense.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Brock has no problem "talking"........Brock has no problem selling PPVs via promos (he did it in UFC).  However, you didn't see Brock cutting 20 minute promos for UFC, either. 

    ReplyDelete
  111. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 12:23 PM

    I was pretty happy seeing him "bullying" Ace. I like that he's just a dick to EVERYONE.

    ReplyDelete
  112. One other thing i noticed........was it just me, or has Brock's physique already started improving, in just the 3 weeks or so since he debuted?

    I swear he looked FAR pudgier when he debuted the night after Mania.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 12:25 PM

    For the record, after being pulled over for suspected DUI (and let go, as I was not drunk, thankyouverymuch) I can tell you that almost no police departments still make you say it backwards. I was told as much by the cop.  They had me start at C and stop at X.

    ...which I still messed up on the first attempt, somehow.

    ReplyDelete
  114. I thought that, too, but we could both be completely wrong that he was "pudgy" in the first place; he's most likely just off steroids.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Absolutely! I was expecting Ryder to act like he just got stabbed in the hand.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Yup, supposedly this and the June show were originally supposed to be the "Draft" show and a "People Power" installment, respectively. I assume "People Power" would have been the fan-voting one, but I could be completely wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  117. I was thinking this last night as well.  He's started to lose that fat he had the first RAW back.

    ReplyDelete
  118. As has been said, they're already risking him into another "just another guy" - personally, I don't think he should be mingling with other characters, beating-up backstage personnel, or showing up simply to cut a promo. He should really just be Goldberg at this point: arrive for the match, kick ass, disappear until the next match.

    I'm still holding out hope that they use Brock as a way of transitioning back to the time when champions DIDN'T appear all the time, and ESPECIALLY didn't wrestle every night, I'd LOVE to see him win the title and then disappear for a month or two until it was time for another big fight. There's really no reason for the champions to appear/wrestle so often on TV; I understand that those that buy a ticket will feel ripped-off if Cena or Orton or whoever doesn't show up, so just save them for the post-show, after the cameras stop rolling. Seems pretty simple. Hell, THERE would be a great way to sell tickets: announce that the only way to see Cena on a certain night would be to buy a ticket.

    ReplyDelete
  119. The thing is, Brock just naturally being a dick on a live mic isn't the same as "cutting a promo" - one is just improvised trash-talk, the other is memorizing and hitting certain bullet-points in an attempt to provide narrative to a fictional character.

    I think the best thing to do with Brock would be to allow him about thirty seconds of trash-talk immediately after his matches; after he wins, he could grab a microphone and say something like "I told you I'd make you my bitch."

    ReplyDelete
  120. WWE Uncensored (Except for blood. And weapons. And curses. And "WWF".)

    ReplyDelete
  121. Nope, totally agree - it was a terrible way to try to sell a PPV, and was convoluted and predictable as hell, but Punk and Jericho did a great job with what they were given.

    Lemons into lemonade, basically.

    ReplyDelete
  122. No, he was definitely "pudgy", by his standards.  Was he in better shape than 90 percent of the people who discuss pro wrestling on forums?  Sure.....but he definitely wasn't in "Lesnar shape".   Clearly he's looking better now.

    ReplyDelete
  123. I guess that makes your grandmother THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!!

    ReplyDelete
  124. I continue to feel bad for Matt Bloom. This Tensai thing just feels too much like a forced outdated gimmick though. The smarky fans will chant "Albert" no matter what, but everyone else just sits there and stares at this obvious white guy pretending to be Japanese and screaming all the time. Thing is, he's NOT pretending he's Japanese...they just haven't expounded enough on what they first said when he came out: he was a former superstar who went to Japan for 8 years, became obsessed with the culture, and changed his whole look & style. But all Vince wants Cole to do is say "Look at this monster! Wow!", so the crowd just feels they're having their intelligence insulted.

    I shouldn't grasp this concept better than the owners of a multi-million dollar company. Wrestling is run by complete morons.

    ReplyDelete
  125.  There was also a clip in the video package/interview from last week where you see him put RVD through a table. If they'd have included shots of his random squash of Bubba Ray Dudley it'd cement it.

    ReplyDelete
  126. It's amazing how Sting/Vader is the perfect blueprint for so many wrestling scenarios.  Whoever booked that feud from beginning to end is a genius.

    ReplyDelete
  127. I'm with Scott - how the hell is that segment supposed to get people fired up to see a STREET FIGHT?!? That's the problem with WWE and these gimmick PPVs - they shoehorn stipulations and gimmicks into the matches without any clue of how to build properly towards the stip/gimmick. As we've said here a million times, you don't throw guys in a cage because the PPV calls for it, you do it because the intensity of the feud calls for it.

    ReplyDelete
  128. That's really awesome. Always cool to hear when someone famous is a serious wrestling fan, especially ones you don't expect. Now, if Judah Friedlander was able to use his pull to get Mick Foley on 30 Rock, Gillian should have enough pull on Community to get a Johnny Goodtime cameo. I could totally see him hanging out with Starburns.

    ReplyDelete
  129. It's not an exact science, and their storytelling lacks patience, but the idea is that, in the presence of Brock Lesnar, Cena is so off his game that anything can freak him out, he's not flinching from Big Johnny, he's flinching from a person that happened to be Big Johnny, see the difference?

    ReplyDelete
  130. As I said in the live thread, I regularly used to practice saying it backward so if I ever had to do it in a sobriety test (which I'm sure they don't do nowadays anyway) I would have it in memory. And I'm proud to say I have that shit down pat. Although I have a CDL and don't risk it by drinking and driving anymore. Still, since I can get S & T in the right order, me > Punk.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Well there's actually a great-HEY LOOK OVER THERE!

    ReplyDelete
  132. They've explained, numerous times, about his character. It's just a dumb character nobody wants to watch.

    ReplyDelete
  133. He looked the same as he did in his last few UFC outings.

    ReplyDelete
  134. It's definitely improved although people are going to be surprised at how small Brock is.  The last time he was in WWE he was about 310.  When he started MMA he was a guy who had to cut to get to 265 meaning that he realistically could have been somewhere between 280-290 (or maybe higher if he was really good at weight cutting).

    But by the end of his MMA career he wasn't cutting to hit 265 and the physique he had was soft and saggy meaning he probably lost 30-40 lbs of muscle mass--if not more--in a couple years.  Going off steroids and having a life threatening illness will do that to a guy I guess.

    If he looks even remotely "built" it's going to be a minor miracle.  Cena might actually have a more impressive physique at this point though.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Oh screw these shots at Bully Ray by TNA haters. Anyone who has watched him in the last year ("TNA sux!!!!" I know) has seen him improve leaps and bounds, both in the ring and especially in the character department. He's been the best, most entertaining heel in wrestling, in my eyes. A true heel, one not out to get cheered (Kevin Steen, I'm lookin' at you!). He's absolutely deserving of a world title run at some point this year.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Except the guy who booked Vader to beat Sting in a non-title PPV main event, killing off the company's top babyface for basically a year.

    ReplyDelete
  137. I liked Lesnar's promo, although it could have been truncated a bit.

    Brock doesn't need to "cut a promo" per se he just needs to talk, and kick ass.  He's entirely believable as a killer just as he is and stumbling over a couple of words doesn't make him less intimidating.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    Yes they have, but it's something I really think that they need to absolutely hammer home. It gets brought up - nearly in every match - but usually only once and sometimes it feels like it's just said in passing. The character is so weird that I think it'll require extra effort to push the backstory.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    Which is especially frustrating in this specific case because I think that both in terms of mic work and in-ring stuff (matches, confrontations, whatever) they could've done that pretty easily with Punk and Jericho.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Southern_DiscomfortApril 24, 2012 at 4:04 PM

    I am completely behind the idea of someone who isn't even dead yet getting hologram'd.

    ReplyDelete
  141. In my head Brock is just the same guy he is on television which makes it even more entertaining. What a fucking hick, "you had me fly all the way to DEE-TROYT!"

    ReplyDelete
  142. I'm so sick of Jerry Lawler calling Vicky ugly and old. I get it, she's a heel but isn't Lawler like twenty years older than her? And Vicky is hot!

    ReplyDelete
  143. Brock totally Britta'd his promo last night.

    And am I the only one who wants to make Alison Brie his future wife? I went to 25 without having a celebrity crush and then in walked Ms. Brie.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I'm not trying to sound like a hardass, but Brock Lesnar is the only guy in the WWE who I think would give me the Josh Matthews treatment if I heckled him just right. And under no circumstances would I approach Brock in public, I feel like there's an 80/20 chance there's just a smoldering pair of loafers where I was.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Yeah, some physical contact between the two has been nice. Plus I don't have to watch this face vs. face bullshit on my television. Just have Cena act like a heel for a month like they did with HBK against Hogan.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Am I the only one who laughed their ass off when Kane brought Paul Bearer out of the freezer... just to put him back in again?

    ReplyDelete
  147. A few more of Brock's demands:
    No one is allowed to make fun of his awesome chest tattoo (which totally doesn't look like a penis).
    No one is allowed to mention Brock's stint in the NFL.
    Brock get's hunting season off.

    I can't wait to see the vignette where Brock goes to one of those Be a STAR! events.

    ReplyDelete
  148. I've realized that by turning my brain off, Kane segments are much more enjoyable.

    ReplyDelete
  149. If Gillian Jacobs is. '10' on the "Unexpected Wrestling Fan" scale -and she is- then that Judah guy is a '1'. Or a '0.5'.

    ReplyDelete
  150. Is she also gonna kick your fucking head in (along with rhythmic clapping)?

    ReplyDelete
  151. ...
    #152: Vince must digitally alter it "George Lucas style" so that Brock HITS the SSP at Mania.

    #153: Using some of the above technology, the crowd at WM XX will go from flipping Brock off to doing the wave in a non-ironic way. Plus, the audio must be changed so that they are yelling "booorrrock.... booorrrock"- with the exception of Hans Moleman who was saying that the whole time.

    #154: Change wikipedia entries so that all wrestling deaths in the past 10 years are attributed to wrestlers having "gotten in Brock's way".

    #155: No mention or replay can be made of the Mark Henry-Big Show ring collapsing spot.

    #156: All "vacant" accomplishments are retroactively awarded to Brock. Brock won the 2004 Royal Rumble. Brock made HHH tap out at WM XX (pulling double duty after his well-received match with Goldberg earlier in the night). Brock can make a coffee in less time than it takes Brock to beat that faggot Orlando Jordan.
    ...

    ReplyDelete
  152. Yeah his whole character screams wrestling fan. He even goes as far as to say his standup isn't influenced by any other standup comedians but by The Rock and Mick Foley.

    ReplyDelete
  153. You... you didn't have a crush on Miss Elizabeth? How is that possible? I think she was my first crush PERIOD. My earliest wrestling memory is the whole Savage-Liz wedding/crazy Jake thing.

    I don't know what it says about me but I had a ton of celebrity crushes. Liz, Winnie from Wonder Years, Diane from Cheers, Rhoda (that and Cheers were from reruns... I'm 25 too), Topanga from Boy Meets World, one of the girls on Ghostwriter (I don't remember the name), Kelly Kapowski (duh)...

    In my defense I had older sisters growing up, hence some of the odd shows for a young boy to be watching.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Yeah, this unexpected revelation has really 'Chang'-ed my opinion of her.

    "it's not even clever, you're just using 'Chang' in place of 'change!"

    ReplyDelete
  155. Maybe they should release him so he can "work the indies"..

    ReplyDelete
  156. Hearing WWF makes me smile. I am not one of those guys who whines about how much better things were in the past all the time, but I will never get over how bad a name WWE is when compared with WWF.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Yeah, nothing says that the champion can't wrestle a dark match. It might even allow them to have a decent dark match instead of a quick one like they usually do.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Yeah and the power of Arriba Derchi could live forever. That's phrase from the Warrior @ Survivor Series 1990 cracks me up every time.

    ReplyDelete
  159. I'm surprised they didn't show Brock beating Rob Van Dam, Ric Flair and Bully Ray to really rub it in.

    ReplyDelete
  160. I was a bit inebriated on Monday night so I went on a bit of a tear...you'll notice my posts around here come in short bursts.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment