Tuesday, July 10, 2012

July PPV Countdown: WCW Beach Blast 1993

The Netcop Retro Rant for WCW Beach Blast 93

(2012 Scott sez:  Apologies in advance. This one is another terribly written rant when really the show deserves much more care and attention in terms of ripping it apart.) 

- Live from Biloxi, Mississippi

- Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Jesse Ventura

- Worth nothing: The pre-game show features the infamous "Masters of the Powerbomb v. Superpowers" mini-movie in its entirety. If you don't know what this was, you don't want to, believe me. (As featured on Are You Serious!) 

- Opening match: TV Title: Paul Orndorff v. Ron Simmons. I think I was off making dinner for myself when this was on, but Zenon tells me it was pretty crappy. Simmons is DQ'd for throwing Orndorff over the top rope.  (Quality wrestling reviewing in 1997, ladies and gentlemen!) 

- Okay, now I'm back...

- Marcus Bagwell & 2 Cold Scorpio v. Tex Slazenger & Shanghai Pierce.

As always, I remind you that the Texicans migrated north to Arkansas and became the Godwinns. Tons of stalling. Not much resting, surprisingly enough, just nothing the least bit fancy. Your typical "establishing" match to build heat for Bags and Scorps. It saddens me greatly that if Buff's career is over, then this is his legacy.  (Actually that would put this into 1998 if we thought Buff’s career might be over.) Jesse makes lawyer jokes to kill time (What do you call 400 dead lawyers at the bottom of a river? A good start. What do you call a busload of lawyers with one empty seat going off the edge of a cliff? A tragedy.) (Jesse learned to love the legal system a bit more once he took Vince to the cleaners over royalties, I’m thinking.)  Bagwell makes the hot tag and they finish off the Texicans with a belly-to-back suplex leading into the Firebird/450 splash from Scorpio. Not bad. **1/4 Worldwide hit type of affair.

- Paul Orndorff introduces us to the Equalizer. Thanks, man.

- Erik Watts v. Lord Steven Regal.

Those of you who are newer fans might recognize Watts as Troy of Techno Team 2000. (Those of you who are now newer fans probably read that last sentence like Lisa reading “Yahoo Serious Festival”) Those of who were on the 'net back then recognize him as "that fucking little talentless bastard of Bill Watts." (In all fairness, I’m pretty sure he is the legitimate son of Bill Watts, not a bastard.)  Either way, it's valid. Watts got a mega-push based solely on the fact that daddy was Executive Vice-President of WCW at the time, despite showing no talent or over-ness with the fans. Watts knows amateur wrestling, so we get a boring mat wrestling match. And I do mean *boring*. Watts can't do *anything* even vaguely aerial, and he has the muscle tone of Jimmy Hart with a gawky figure to boot. He belonged in the undercard of an indy promotion at that point, not on PPV against a legitimate wrestler like Steve Regal. Watts goes for the dreaded STF early, and Dundee pops him with the umbrella and Regal rolls him up for the pin. He should've won clean, but what the hell. *1/2 (Now of course Watts would get buried in developmental hell as wannabe movie star Lucas McQueen until he quit the business out of frustration.  So maybe their system DOES have an upside.) 

- Jesse interviews His Lordship.

- Maxx Payne v. Johnny B. Badd.

Ahem. This is the result of Payne blasting a lethal dose of...er...confetti in Badd's face with the Badd-blaster. Badd's visage was so scarred by this that he had to wear an exceptionally gay looking mask to cover himself. Geez, Mark, I would've went with the scars and taken my chances...oh well, at any rate it boggles my mind that they used to *pay* people to think this stuff up.  (In all fairness, they didn’t get paid very WELL.)  Payne is no longer playing the psycho, but rather just your average embittered guitar player. (And boy did he EVER get embittered in real life later on.  Daryl Peterson did a documentary on his own years ago, where he took his own footage from his brief WWF time and basically exposed the entire locker room as a bunch of drug addicts and general scumbags.  I think the movie was called “The Thing That Should Not Be” or something and lawsuits were of course filed over it.)  And WCW wonders why they were only drawing 500 people per show at this time? Punch and kick match that ends with a Badd bodypress (in both senses of the word) off the second rope for the pin. 1/2*

- WCW World tag title: The Hollywood Blonds v. Arn Anderson & Paul Roma.

The Blonds are using the NWA tag belts here, because the WCW and NWA versions were interchangeable until September when the NWA officially died. Austin & Pillman are hilarious as they antagonize the fans and play awesome heels. As usual with all things Roma after 1990, it stinks when he's directly involved. I think the man was born without a personality. Roma plays Face In Peril as Pillman wrestles with a wedgie. Crack kills, Brian. Hot tag to Anderson, who assume the Face In Peril role and the match really takes off until the end. Anderson gets the hot tag to Roma again, who's the House O' Fire. Spinebuster by Arn, and it's not looking good for the Greatest Team Ever. Only a two count, however. Arn is escorted out and Roma rolls up Austin, but Pillman pushes them over and...Blonds win??? ***

- Why the question marks? Because in 1993, WCW taped extensive footage of Roma and Anderson being the tag champs around this time, so RSPW just naturally assumed that Beach Blast would be the card where they took the titles. When it wasn't, it produced one of the biggest collective "What the hell?" reactions ever heard on the newsgroup. The ending is assumed to have been changed to "swerve" us, which would be the first example of Mr. Bischoff doing so in a long line of examples of it. Roma and Anderson went on to win the titles at the following Clash, but WCW's cutesy booking shot itself in the foot, because Brian Pillman was injured and had to be subbed for by Steve Regal, which produced the ridiculous situation of Regal and Austin defending the tag titles! (In the post-Russo era, this stuff all just looks normal somehow.  Oh yeah, two people who aren’t the champions defending the belts, whatever.) 

- US Title match, Ironman challenge: Dustin Rhodes v. Rick Rude.

Most falls in 30 minutes wins. This was a horrible feud as Rhodes was pushed to US title status on the strength of nothing but his father's position as Executive Producer (ie booker) of WCW. The US title was held up for months as these two battled in boring matches over the belt, and the title was devalued immensely because of it.  (Not as much as Santino has devalued it.)  It never really recovered, IMO. Rude wins the first fall, Rhodes wins the second. The rest is utterly slow and boring until the big finish where Rhodes hits all of his stuff and Rude keeps kicking out. Time expires, so it's a screwjob ending on top of everything else and the belt is vacant another couple of months. *1/2 This is why overtime in the Michaels-Hart match at WM12 was a *good thing* (I…wouldn’t go that far.) 

- NWA World title match: Barry Windham v. Ric Flair.

An okay match, which is basically Flair's big return. Everyone knew Flair was going over here (again, footage of Flair as champion was taped for this time period at the Disney tapings, and WCW wasn't about to pull another swerve). Bizarre ending as Flair quickly hooks the figure-four on Windham, who grabs for the ropes and ends up getting counted down for three! Que? The crowd doesn't even realize Flair has won the title until the ref breaks the hold and raises his hand! **1/2 I still don't get that ending... (Clearly I was getting bored with recapping this show at this point.) 

- Main event: Vader & Sid v. Sting & Bulldog.

Oh, yeah, after seeing Cheetum the Evil Midget blow up Sting's boat, I'm pumped for this! (At least Cheetum wasn’t revealed as the anonymous GM two years after the fact.)  Sting and Bulldog have matching coats. Minimalist power stuff here, then stalling from the heels to start. Really bad match. Bulldog hot tag Sting, who takes on both guys but gets nailed by a Sid clothesline after an apparent brain cramp (gee, should I stay in *my* half of the ring or go antagonize Sid?). He becomes Face in Peril. Quick hot tag to Bulldog, who gets stomped by the heels again. Heh. Vader was drawing some serious face heat by this time. Vader pump splashes Bulldog, then debuts the Vadersault! Sting barely makes the save, then Bulldog pulls a crucifix out of nowhere for the pin. Boo! **, mostly for Vader's work. That moonsault spot really should have ended it. How can you top it?

The Bottom Line:

Not terrible, but nothing actually worth going out of your way to see. The Disney tapings really fucked with WCW's booking and it shows with cheap swerves like the tag title match and non-suspense in the Flair-Windham match.

Recommendation to avoid Blash Blast '93. (Also recommendation to avoid reading this rant again.) 

69 comments:

  1. Not sure if you've answered this, and I hate to ask annoying questions like this, but that's exactly what I'm about to do...are you gonna do last year's MiTB this month? I don't remember you ever doing a full rant of it. 

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  2. Man, I used to hear Maxx Payne talk about that behind-the-scenes WWF documentary on Meltzer's show all the time. I managed to find a trailer for it, but I'm not sure if the entire thing was ever released:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlkbAlKL2QM

    The closest indication this trailer has to the potential incriminating footage in the film is a brief snippet of Diesel holding up a handful of pill bottles, and a wasted Louie Spicolli stumbling into his hotel room.

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  3. Yahoo Serious!!!

    I would say the US belt was devalued WAY before Santino. At least he's over with the crowd. How about United States champion Orlando Jordan?

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  4. I've got a week of vacation and no plans on the horizon, so it's certainly not out of the realm of possibility.

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  5. Scott Keith ripping on Scott Keith is always great.

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  6. I'm torn between last year's MITB and this year's Extreme Rules as to which is the best WWE show I've seen in recent years.

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  7. Wow...how I havae never heard of that Maxx Payne movie? Sounds awesome.

    Trailer:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlkbAlKL2QM

    Also, holy new Disqus Batman!

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  8. Another thing, I kind of actually like the abbreviated form of reviewing in rants like this one. With many matches/PPVs widely available now I mostly read the reviews to hear general thoughts on matches - not the PbP.

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  9. Yeah, this new Disqus thing has me discombobulated. I could swear I was reading comments that were in a random order on the live Raw thread just a minute ago--which, by the way, has gone completely nuts. As I've been saying all along, as long as I have about thirty minutes with Punk, Bryan, and AJ, I'm okay. But people are going bezerk on these Raw threads. I suppose most of the show did suck, though. Anyway, I'm not sure how to adjust the settings of Disqus yet.

    I really enjoyed the time travelling banter here. It almost makes me want to watch Beach Blast 93 and compare it to its cousin--Wrestlemania IX. If I do, I'll be sure to let y'all know what really happened in the Simmons vs. Orndorff battle while Mr. Keith was "off making dinner."

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  10. Say what you will about OJ, he had awesome theme music.

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  11. Unrelated rant.

    I've complained about Sunny's facebook before, I know. I don't know why I follow it so much. It's just interesting to me that someone I consider to be somewhat famous and something of a big deal (kind of) is on facebook doing something that drives me insane when people I haven't seen since High School did it. But at the same time it's fun to follow. At the moment she's pissed off that people are paying attention to the thing she was practically begging them to pay attention to in the first place. It's basically "we did this, hot sex, blah blah blah, have fun with that dirt sheetz!"...a few hours later someone reports it...and then it turns into "stupid sheetz why is my life so interesting to you, blah blah blah"....she begs for attention then complains when she gets it. And if she'd shut the fuck up about it people would stop talking about it days later. But she probably knows that....and her boyfriend's duck-face and need to be in a fucking thong in every picture is a big much to. Yes, you guys are having a whole lot of sex, you're totally cool and validated now. If you didn't put it on facebook people would just assume you're not having sex like the cool kids are.

    Anyway, I rented this show on VHS back in like 1997, which was cool because I had no idea where to find a WCW pay per view at this point. There were never WCW tapes around here. I enjoyed it.

    I didn't know about the Maxx Payne documentary. He was the one who had the fan cam, wasn't he? Explains why nobody thought it was odd he was taping them all the time. But exposing the dark side of backstage? That's not very respectful to the business. Maybe after he beats Brock at Summerslam HHH can move into a "I'll make you pay for disrespecting the business (because I love the business)" feud with him.

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  12. Is there a link to this Facebook page? I like looking up bizarre things, crazy people, and people who have fallen from grace. She happens to fit all three categories.

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  13. Yeah, I think Raw is bad but not as bad as the threads make it sound. It always kind of hovers in the bad-mediocre range with a month or two of AWESOME every year.

    And the Raw thread is in random order b/c the default sorting is "most popular." You can change it on the drop down menu under "discussion" at the top of the comments page.

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  14. I'm all for exposing it! Interesting to the fans and kayfabe is dead anyway. There used to be a backstage video of all the NWA guys circa 1986 on youtube, but it got pulled. Really surreal to watch everyone break characters. I wish it was still there.

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  15. Holy crap, you're right about the disqus thing. Thanks, seriously. I feel like a slightly bigger idiot than usual.

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  16. So ROH stripped AnX of the titles, and are holding a tournament. I really don't care for Rhett Titus, but the fair thing would be to allow him to choose a new partner and receive an automatic bye to the finals.

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  17. Didn't Maxx Payne also sue the makers of the video game?

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  18. It's just her standard, personal facebook profile, not a fan page or anything. She's listed as Tamara Lynn Sytch. If you add her now you can see pictures she just uploaded of herself at the beach. Laying down. In a bikini. Of course it's just a picture of her chest in a bikini. No face. But please, don't pay attention, she really doesn't want it.

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  19. And now that you mentioned it, you're right about Raw, too. The more I think about it, the more it seems that two months out of the year seem to kick butt with mediocrity in between. Since about 2007 or so. The promise of the kick-butt-months to come and about the 8-10 strong workers who will be featured semi-regularly--just not in good angles--is what gets us through those times.

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  20. Is the new Disqus like the trial one we've had a couple times before? I'm on my phone and it looks the same as it always does.

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  21. Its way better on a mobile device.

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  22. Maybe they don't want to remind people that half the team left? But, I agree with your suggestion.

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  23. that bryan v shameus 2 out of 3 falls is a hell of a match

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  24. Now that I have the hang of it I kind of like the web version too.

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  25. review db vs punk from otl also scott!

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  26. Now that I got the hang of it I kind of like it on teh web too.

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  27. Glad to help. It's definitely not intuitive.

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  28. And the 8-10 workers are why I can't walk away. I don't want to miss awesome Ziggler/Punk/Bryan matches!!! But if TNA is actually kicking as much ass as everyone says it might be worth it. I can always track down good matches after the fact...

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  29. Now that I got the hang of it I kind of like it on teh web too.

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  30. MadDogJoeDeCursoJuly 10, 2012 at 2:21 PM

    I would have just taken his partner away and him defend them on his own until he lost them.. He could get a win over Coleman & Alexander, but then get beaten by Strong & Elgin or the Briscoes the next week..

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  31. TheRealCitizenSnipsJuly 10, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    When was the last time the US title meant anything, really? WWE has been using it for years on guys like MVP, Ziggler or Shelton Benjamin to signify who the company's top jobber is.

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  32. Don't know. I'm still in the stone age with a not-smart phone.

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  33. I'm surprised she hasn't flipped out about the latest WWE Are You Serious, both Road Dogg and Josh lay into her pretty hard.

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  34. Even Kane/Orton was pretty good on that show. Way better than their WM match. Bryan/Sheamus was terrific and I thought Scott was too hard on Punk/Jericho, which I think he gave ***1/2 but I thought was closer to ****1/2. And Lesnar/Cena was obviously awesome (though keep in mind, I liked the finish, I realize most don't but too bad for them).

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  35. Used to own this show on vhs and remember it being a odd show that due to their editing kicked off with the Blonds Match, which I remember as being pretty decent, everything else was meh through total cobblers, and the ending of the NWA title match just came out of nowhere leaving the crowd flatter than an unfortunate hedgehog.

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  36. It was at least a stepping stone to the main event for Eddie Guerrero and John Cena. And they were pushing MVP pretty hard the first time he had it, so there's that.

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  37. You're saying it will be his Best of Raw: Disk 3, then?

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  38. I watched the Rude vs. Rhodes series of matches recently and while they didn't have the greatest chemistry in the world, they both played their roles well and the matches were solid if a bit overly lengthy. I thought the Beach Blast match was probably about *** so 1998 Scott is being harsh.

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  39. Paul roma was in the best match on the card?!?!

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  40. I think I know what you're talking about... I think it was for one of the Bash tours actually. I remember Hawk goofing around getting the boys laughing.

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  41. Yeah I remember watching that a few years back. It was pretty sweet.

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  42. Maybe he'll end up with a push as a reward? If not, that's kinda fucked.

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  43. It's gonna end up with Briscoes vs. WGTT, with the tournament being the loophole so they can face each other again, I'm all but sure of it.

    Rhett should definitely be able to invoke the Midnight Express rule and replace his partner, though. Hey, TJ Perkins is coming back! Because apparently they've read my bitching about it enough that they decided to book him & The Young Bucks again.

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  44. Well, sure - but with three guys who generally would be classified in the "good to great" range. That's the beauty of tag team wrestling, you can cover up someone's flaws in a well-booked match.

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  45. God I used to love tag team wrestling so much.

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  46. It will be his Duke Nukem Forever

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  47. You mean this?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvbuXPnKSx4

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  48. Yes! Thanks!

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  49. My rant on this depending on the WWE CoD schedule should occur sometime next year (2013). Unless the WWE Network finally debuts and takes over the Worldwide schedule.

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  50. Without a doubt, the best thing about the new DISQUS is the ability to up vote your own post.

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  51. That's a running theme with a lot of these. 2012 Scott doesn't have the mad on for the Rhodes family, for one thing.

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  52. It's going to take a decade for someone else to write his rant for him? Maybe I'm being too literal.

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  53. Yeah. He got paid too.

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  54. (At least Cheetum wasn’t revealed as the anonymous GM two years after the fact.)


    Somehow I think that what would be so stupid it would be awesome. If only because it would give me hope, wondering where he placed the bomb, and WHO it would blow up. :p

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  55. They're showing April Worldwide on 24/7, so this allows for a question I had.

    Once WCW re-established ties with the NWA in '93, did the NWA champ still have the same commitment to defend all over the place like in the glory days? Or was it really more of a publicity stunt, where people would see the NWA champ (Windham or Flair) - was exclusive to WCW/Turner - and realize there was some NWA affiliate the next state over and think "Hey, maybe I'll go check out NWA Wildside (or whatever)"?

    And what about the previous champs (Chono and Muta)? Did they just stay in their main promotion?

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  56. 411 meme FTW

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  57. In all fairness, she's probably used to getting layed into pretty hard on a regular basis. #Euphemism

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  58. "(In the post-Russo era, this stuff all just looks normal somehow. Oh yeah, two people who aren’t the champions defending the belts, whatever.)"

    THANK YOU! For years everyone has been up in arms about that Title switch. But I remember watching that Clash live when Regal replaced Pillman. I never thought anything of it; a wrestler got hurt and they needed a replacement; simple as that. If anything I was more mad that Regal got pulled out of his bout with Scorpio and Bobby Eaton took his place when Eaton should have been Austin's partner instead of Regal.

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  59. No. The NWA title was basically a WCW/New Japan title, which led to the problems for the other members of the NWA. New Japan held a tournament with WCW and NJ talent, won by Masahiro Chono. The belt was defended in Japan and WCW, going to Great Muta and then Barry Windham. At that point, Windham and then Flair defended the belt exclusively with WCW.


    There were other NWA promoters who wanted access to the champion and a say in title changes, but WCW viewed it pretty much as their belt (WCW and NJ had a falling out around this time too). WCW planned a title change from Flair to Rude (taping footage of Rude with the belt before he won it), and the other members of the NWA didn't approve. This lead to lawsuits in September of 93 and Flair being stripped of the NWA "title" but WCW somehow retained possession of the physical belt. This led to the "WCW International World Title" which makes no sense. The story there was the "WCW International" Board of Directions recognized Rude as their World Champion.


    But no, the NWA title from 92-93 was not defended in any other NWA promotions. Not that there were many. I think Jim Cornette applying for membership forced the issue, since he was demanding the NWA champion appear for this promotion once he was accepted as an NWA promoter.

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  60. I didnt think much of Kane-Orton (neither does much for me) but Extreme Rules had 3 bad ass matches in the others you mentioned, for sure. WWE hasnt topped it this year IMO.

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  61. Scott's constant ''everyone online knew the results about the Disney tapings'' when it was 1993 and only a few hundred people (I'm guessing) actually looked at them online and/or gave a fuck is as pathetic as a national company swerving those few people for the sake of....erm, not sure. Ego?

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  62. Doctor FunkopolisJuly 11, 2012 at 4:33 AM

    Bobby Eaton? Really? I mean, what did he know about tag team wrestling? And it's not like he had any experiences with either Austin, Anderson or Pillman. He never dropped a title to Austin and later worked with him as part of a massive stable.

    Nor did he ever capture the tag team championship with Arn Anderson.

    And he didn't have any sort of unresolved tension with Pillman, either.

    It's not like you could have made a nice chunk of money by teaming Eaton with Austin, and then having a drawn out break up once Pillman came back that resulted in a massive beatdown on Eaton from the Hollywood Blondes.

    Which would never lead to Eaton joining the Horsemen and causing Roma to turn on them and strike out on his own out of jealousy, possibly giving him his first reason to actually be on our televisions.

    Bobby Eaton, that's just silly.

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  63. I bought this as a DVD at an indy show and was so pumped to see it, but when I watched it and it was only 30-40 mins long I was pissed.

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  64. Maxx Payne is also interesting to me, because he did this crazy interview where he basically talks about single-handedly coming up with the idea for the Attitude Era, and claims responsibility for Austin's skull t-shirts and stuff. I mean, talkabout being deluded about your place in the business.

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  65. Well they were always in the herb kunze email newsletter although I'm not sure how many people got that.

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  66. C'mon man, Bobby eaton was awesome.

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  67. Cheetum>hornswaggle

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  68. Yeah probably when cena had it.

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  69. Doctor FunkopolisJuly 19, 2012 at 3:04 AM

    That was sarcasm. Normally, I'd actually be an ass to you about it, but the fact is you have Aldo Montoya as an avatar and that makes you good people.

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