Saturday, September 14, 2013

Cucch's Book Review: "The Unauthorized History of D-Generation X."





This book actively does two things. I will let you guess them....


No one will ever dispute that Degeneration X was one of the most influential pairings in the history of pro wrestling. Shawn Michaels and Triple H made a weekly mockery of kayfabe, and an entire generation loves them for it. The troop was truly revolutionary, and they made it a habit to push all boundaries of wrestling sanity with each weekly promo, match, promo, backstage skit, promo, and occasional five star classic match.  DX was truly an influential act that helped to modernize this business.

Yet the troupe is mostly hated and despised by the industry. Why is that?

Well, it is simply this: Shawn Michaels and Paul "HHH" Levesque are among the two most detestable individuals the WWE/F has ever produced. Sure, I am absolutely certain they have their fans, as all wrestlers do. But riddle me this: how many WWE athletes, over the last 25 or so years, have produced enough vitriol to make a new vitamin supplement for baseball players to get hopped up on?

Michaels. HHH. And that is it.

Sure, some hate Bret Hart and his knee high schoolgirl ways. Some hate Hogan. The less said there, the better. But HHH and HBK generally invoke a level of hatred from a good number of wrestling fans that make the late Osama Bin Laden look quite like Bob Backlund. It is really amazing when one ponders all of the surrounding facts.

Well, here are the facts. Let me being with this: I am a HUGE Bret Hart fan. Thus, I hate Shawn Michaels. There, now you have it. At this point, one must be thinking, "Man, he hates HBK and loves Hitman...where is this review going to go?" I will always remain a huge Hitman fan and detractor of HBK. While I have prided myself on how great Bret's biography is, and I have always prided myself on not being subjective or biased, I can sum up this book in a few words:

Total shit.

Yup. First off, it is supposed to be the words of the REAL DX members, HBK, HHH, Chyna and Rick Rude. Rude is dead, Chyna is....somewhere in her own world, HHH is now a McMahon and HBK blows, or has blown, all of them. What...expecting a level of discourse of objectivity? Ah...no. HBK was Vince's blowjob boy, as far as this writer is concerned, and he parlayed that spectacular head into a job for his boy toy...I mean friend...HHH.

Now, most books feature in depth analysis and some behind the scenes stories. This book is total kayfabe for the most part. HHH OCCASIONALLY drops something...but not much. HBK never says shit. So, while it is a quick, easy read, it is not a volume that is going to grant you a shitload of wrestling knowledge. Sure, Shawn mentions he was, while not totally wrong, but felt in the wrong about Montreal, you are going to get equal bullflop from his H-Ness about how Foley never put him over. Except that one time. Or second time. Nope. Almost nothing.

This is not this kid's best review. I realize that. But realize that THIS is not the best book. It is more or less KAYFABE to the fullest, and, unless you are like me, someone who craves any and all information, it is not for you. For the few who want to read through several layers of horseshit, who want to realize that HHH and HBK are two assholes who are so full of shit that terds spout out everytime they open their mouths...maybe you might enjoy this...

133 comments:

  1. Whelp ladies and gentleman, we've found the only thing shittier then this book.

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  2. I get it. Shawn and Triple H are gay and that's bad.

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  3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj3VphK9AMk

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  4. This book actively does two things. I will let you guess them....



    Sucks and blows at the same time?

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  5. I thought Shawn was for the most part liked by wrestling fans esspecially after his second run. HHH hate still goes around, yeah but the most hated man in wrestling? I understand this was a bad book man but at least try to do something with the review. Take a page from Scott, his funniest stuff comes from reviewing horrible shows. You probably should have gone the comedy route instead of the hate route. And just a suggestion, it might be nice if you added a Best/Worst. Highlight what you think was the Best passage in the book and what was the worst passage and explain why. Just a thought.

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  6. Count me in, too, as a person who is confused by some of the comments here in this review. No doubt the book is crap (I even read it twice, trying to convince myself it was better than The Rock Says but only to be sadly mistaken).

    I liked DX and don't think many younger fans hated them. Shawn Michaels is almost universally respected these days, and HHH was well liked until late 2002 (weird how Michaels and HHH switched roles around that time in the minds of smart fans).

    There just seems to be too much conjecture that is projected as consensus. Way too much opinion and not enough facts. Probably should've kept this review in the vault.

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  7. That's actually a cool and constructive suggestion. I'm not sure if I've seen many book reviews try to highlight the best and worst passage (though I could be wrong).

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  8. What did I just read? I came for a review of a book and I ended up with the "oral" history of HBK.

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  9. Hey, just cause they at the Oral office like to play "Swallow the leader"


    God Damn I love HBK

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  10. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 15, 2013 at 1:44 AM

    Yeah, those fans sure poured that hatred on ol' HBK during his farewell.

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  11. "Yeah, HBK was hated just about everywhere he went. Every time he came
    out, it was like a Ghost House in "Super Mario World", boos everywhere."


    I have nothing to add, other than that line is fantastic, and you should be proud.

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  12. Here's my review of this review:


    Shit sandwich.

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  13. Right. That's it.

    I don't regularly comment on this blog, but when I see an article I like - I'll say so. There's been some really good stuff appearing lately; those new Raw recaps, the Heyman interview etc. I'm mostly positive when commenting on article quality because I think good writing should be encouraged.

    And then there are the 'reviews' of 'Cucch'. Rarely featuring critical analysis of a book, these articles are usually a mixture of a recap of a wrestler's career combined with large doses of Cucch's thoughts on that wrestler.

    That has led us to this utter dreck. I struggle to believe that you made any effort to read through it after you wrote it - so God only knows why I did.

    You contradict yourself at the earliest opportunity:

    Par 1:"an entire generation loves them for it."

    Par 2:"the troupe is mostly hated and despised by the industry"

    You make constant typos; is it 'troop'? Or is it 'troupe'? You used both.

    You resort to constant swearing and sexual slurs, two signs of a writer who has a limited way of expressing himself.

    You criticise the book for lacking objectivity but are completely incapable of having any yourself. I mean honestly, what is the following passage all about?

    "It is really amazing when one ponders all of the surrounding facts.

    Well, here are the facts. Let me being with this: I am a HUGE Bret Hart fan."

    Ok. Lets ignore the fact that there's another basic typo ('being') in there. But after your dull diatribe you promised us 'facts'. All we received was the news that you like Bret Hart and hate Shawn Michaels.

    Technically speaking, I suppose that is a factually correct assessment of your opinion. But it's one I could not care less about.

    And I'll finish with one observation about your final paragraph; you couldn't even spell 'turd' properly.

    Terrible

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  14. What Frog said.

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  15. ''You can't print that!''

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  16. ''Hey guys look! I'm being edgy! I hate HBGay and HHHomo! Boo, where's Chyna! Fuck kayfabe, right guys?

    ...guys?

    Wait, where'd everyone go?''

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  17. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 15, 2013 at 4:31 AM

    The level of idiocy in this review goes to 11.

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  18. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 15, 2013 at 4:36 AM

    Cucch must've been UP! ALL! NIGHT! writing that.

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  19. But why don't you just have the maximum level of idiocy set to 10?

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  20. "Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels were like fire and ice... and I'm kind of like lukewarm water."

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  21. "Triple H? More like Faggy Fag Fag."
    Take 2.
    "Shawn Michaels? More like Born For Guychaels."
    Take 3.
    "D-Generation-X? More like D-Homoqueersicle-X."
    Take 4.
    "Review? More like feces dribbling into my keyboard."
    Close enough.

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  22. What a waste of a post. How much longer do you get to post shit like this before you disappear either voluntarily, or by force?

    You're a hack.

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  23. This review is bi a lot of things, but "by a good writer" ain't one of 'em.

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  24. When Paul comes out, shit is on.

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  25. Your reviews are absolute shit.

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  26. I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my Fruit Loops!

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  27. "HHH Hate"


    I believe the correct smark term is "HHHate"


    Fanboy.


    /sarcasm

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  28. *holds up WHO REVIEWED THIS CRAP? sign*

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  29. This guys reviews are really starting to blow.

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  30. For a second, when you did the "UP! ALL! NIGHT!" bit, i was thinking of USA channels "Up All Night" (with the Rhonda Shear chick) movie segment from the 90s.


    But then I realized I'm just old and you were referring to DX.


    :(

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  31. Little late to the party but...


    UNLEASH HELL...

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  32. I begrudgingly re-read this to try and find a shred of something that wasn't worthless. I failed. Although there is a "Random HBK Hate Speech Generator" somewhere on the internet, apparently.

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  33. There's a fine line between clever and stupid.

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  34. They were never good, but now he has certainly done a 1440 double twist over the shark.

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  35. Sometimes, it's the outright vicious assaults that make me smile the most.

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  36. I like to think we at the BoD walk that line each and every day. I usually just end up on the wrong side.

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  37. It was well said, articulate, and cutting without being flowery. Definitely a high class insult. Why use 12 words when 5 expresses all of our feelings?

    Kudos, Jeff Bailey. The voice of the people.

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  38. I think there's more references to shit in this review than the entire D-X/McMahon feud of '06.

    ''I was going for irony...that's like iron, right?''

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  39. This could just turn into a thread of Spinal Tap quotes. I don't mind.

    I'm thinking of writing a counterpoint style review of this review.

    I will call it "Lick My Love Pump."

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  40. Are we sure this isn't just BoD e-suicide?

    "No...NO! Mr. Cucchiara....that's not wise!"

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  41. "...where is this review going to go?"

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  42. there's a fine line between clever and stupid

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  43. "How much more shitty could this be? The answer is none; none more shitty."

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  44. Cucch died in a bizarre reviewing accident... best leave it, uh, unsolved.

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  45. Why beat about the bush?

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  46. So uh, like, what did they write?

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  47. He does have a tendency to make his reviews about himself somehow. In full disclosure, I couldn't bring myself to read this one, so I don't know if he strayed from form.

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  48. I'll summarize:

    "Rabble rabble rabble HBK blowjobs Rabble rabble rabble Vince's fucktoy Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble."

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  49. I realized I was old just now when a '90s reference made someone else realize he was old.

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  50. Well my day can only go up after reading this review.

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  51. I'd of honestly been okay with the typos and bias if he had just reviewed one thing about the book.

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  52. "This tasteless review is a good indication of the lack of journalistic invention within. The growth of this reviewer cannot even be charted. He is treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry."

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  53. "That's just nitpicking!"

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  54. Straight off a cliff, and into a fiery explosion at the end.

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  55. Chris, WTF. Even though im hungover im gonna be a pal...from merriam-webster

    Main Entry: book reviewFunction: noun1 : a descriptive and critical or evaluative account of a book 2 :a newspaper supplement or magazine devoted chiefly to book reviews 

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  56. This "review" is like something my small niece would write. She just stopped using coloring books and can kinda form words now.

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  57. The English language should file a restraining order against you.

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  58. This is how we all now feel...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Prp615mmDk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

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  59. Also good to know HHH and HBK are among the most detestable people produced by a company featuring Chris Benoit, Steve Austin (spousal abuse), etc.

    In conclusion, stop writing. Read more.

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  60. (Your comment) This is awesome! *clap clap clapclapclap*

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  61. The Blog finally had its true heel. Some of the other guys were tweeners but this dude is going all in.

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  62. Let ur h8terz b ur motiv8erz! You keep writing reviews guy and we will keep reading them!

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  63. Dougie can be a pretty good heel when he wants to, but that was only when Caliber assumed the role of "I'm a babyface! Everybody loves Blink 182!"

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  64. This was a great review! If I was a 14 year old smark in 2002.

    Man, why did you even do this? Did you think it would be recieved as clever? This book sucks, we all knew it, and nobody wanted a review of it. Certainly not one that devolved into a Lolgay fest.

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  65. Why use 8? Is that clever?

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  66. I try to be supportive of all the writers here because they are putting themselves out there and that takes courage. I have typed up several positive comments of this writer's reviews in the past. Unfortunately, this review is like the writer's equivalent of a drunk dial or drunk text. It is so bad that I am wondering if it was written as a parody of a review even though it doesn't keep any semblance of a review's form. So... what I'm saying is that even if this was a parody, then it's still bad.

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  67. Here lies David St. Hubbins, and why not?



    Just chimed in to say I was fully appreciative of this Spinal Tarp exchange.

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  68. Shhh....logic hurts his brain. Clearly being pilled to the gills and being mean to people is worse than murdering your wife and kid and beating your spouse.

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  69. Is that an actual saint?

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  70. This is now Trending

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  71. This is not good heat, this is channel changing heat.

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  72. Your niece can write gay jokes?


    Either way, she'd probably be more coherent and a better speller...

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  73. Devin, are you saying this was a good book review?

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  74. What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent review were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this blog is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

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  75. Caliber isn't here anymore to come in and cry about criticism. You're safe

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  76. "Well my day can only go up after reading this review" -children in Syria

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  77. "Well my day can only go up after reading this review." The Baltimore Ravens defense

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  78. "and I have always prided myself on not being subjective or biased"

    "What...expecting a level of discourse of objectivity? Ah...no."



    wait what

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  79. I totally thought of her too.

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  80. n the long line of steaming "terds" that are this guy's reviews, this is the one that stained the bowl.
    Absolute garbage.

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  81. This is the best review I have ever read.


    And by review, I mean the 97 reviews submitted by those of us at the blog.

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  82. Thanks. I know how to edit.

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  83. I've held off on criticizing him because I have confidence issues with my own writing, but this is SO BAD

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  84. No, I'm not. I just think the hate is a little overboard

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  85. He's giving the blog a Bronco Buster!

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  86. You were one of my favourite Nets.


    But no, this "review" is garbage. I don't see why Chris keeps posting these reviews. Nobody likes them, they are mostly very bad and he doesn't even review the books half the time


    Scott should cut his losses with this guy, but his reviews are perversely entertaining in their awfulness.

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  87. Yeah, it's pretty bad, I just think this blog should be above the "this is the worst review in the history of ever" kind of stuff. That's just me though.

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  88. As I explained to a couple of other people, just state the reasons you dislike the review. The comments on here remind me of espn.com and I think this place should be above that.

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  89. If you post something this bad, you deserve to get mocked. And he keeps doing it over and over again. He's asking for it at this point.

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  90. Good luck on the Mavs

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  91. I just bookmarked this thread so when im having a shitty day I can just read the comments and immediately laugh/feel better. For that Chris, I thank you.

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  92. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 15, 2013 at 12:16 PM

    It's OK, I still remember that lol.

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  93. Please dont suggest Scott cut this guy. The threads are the best part of my day. These "reviews" are battling Maury Povich paternity tests shows and "to catch a predator" as my favorite guilty pleasures. Keep posting Chris!

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  94. Yea, you're right. This just needs a Chris meltdown and we're good.

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  95. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 15, 2013 at 12:21 PM

    Maury drinking games are the best, you and a friend take a bet on if each deadbeat is or isn't the father, and loser takes a shot.


    I'd also rather have TCAP back than WarGames.

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  96. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 15, 2013 at 12:22 PM

    YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE HOW FAR WE'RE GONNA GO!


    --Zandig

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  97. THATS why they should continue!

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  98. "Even if this was a parody, then its still bad." I dont know if you intended this to be funny or not but that sums it up.

    I do have to disagree that it takes "courage" to put this out there. Weve all had to start somewhere, but it seems that if youre an aspiring writer, having the opportunity to post on a site like this, get feedback, and insights from Scott would be a great opportunity. If youre a writer, especially an internet writer, learning to take criticism and actually putting your pride aside and changing some stuff based on this criticism would be a good way to improve your skill.
    I'm not a writer though so who knows

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  99. Man, after about 3 segments youd be drunk, especially with the chicks who bring out multiple guys.

    I once saw one where this white chick was on her 12th guy and must have ran out of guys so started bringing on these black dudes. The baby was as white as chalk, blue eyes, blonde hair, etc. It was awesome

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  100. I like the vitriol pun a lot.

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  101. Ha yea. I liked Caliber also, but after seeing his youtube stuff and hearing some of the stories, I can see how antagonizing him could be fun.

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  102. I get the impression that Caliber and Dougie did a double turn while Caliber was on his way out.

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  103. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 15, 2013 at 1:30 PM

    THIS IS THE GREATEST THREAD IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT

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  104. Are we even sure Cucch wrote this? I'd look for his fingerprints in it except you can't dust for vomit.

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  105. You must have meant "Punch-Out!" You are forgiven.

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  106. He's said before that he's Italian and I wonder if that's strictly accurate (as opposed to being Italian American.) He definitely comes across as if English is not his first language.

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  107. This reminds me at some point someone hafa sign on Raw that read
    "Hunter
    Humps
    Homos"

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  108. Are we forgetting Charlie Reneke?

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  109. Don't let the world get you down, kid. This is the best imitation of "Chris Hyatte discovering Hunter S. Thompson, devouring a
    barrel of pixie sticks, then deciding to shoot some bleach straight into
    his scrotum for motivation" writing I've ever seen.

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  110. Your_Favourite_LoserSeptember 15, 2013 at 10:15 PM

    i'm with you on the usa channel bit, dude


    good times

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  111. I want you to know that I enjoyed your review...


    Only for the comments that have nested below.


    And for that, I salute you.


    Keep doing what you do, I need the laughs.

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  112. You feel that sting in the back of yo neck, Cucch? That's DUMB, fuckin' wit you.

    Yes, I changed it up to Pulp Fiction in a thread that died. Sue me.

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  113. Wait, are you being facetious or not. If there anything I dislike more then shit its someone who wont defend it. At least I can respect you then while still acknowledging it was shit. See, win-win.

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  114. I also remember one that said simply "HHHIV". I remember thinking that one was particularly awful, for some reason.

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  115. I've always liked Dougie... one of my earliest comments here was actually kind of defending him as a sort of loveable would-be evil heel.


    If we were all wrestling characters, Dougie would be The Hurricane when he was a heel.

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  116. I felt the same way until I found out that the entire point of him being on this blog was to troll us and talk about it on another site.

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  117. So just fucking quit drinking. Problem solved... kind of, I'm sure you would still suck.

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  118. Okay but, see, so what? We're all on here to to LOL HHH ROFLCOPTOR. If there's someone going OMG PARALLAX1978 LMFAO, isn't this just a sigh of success for the board and also an intriguing exercise in metatextuality.

    Dougie and his pals are to us as we are to professional spandex grapplers.
    By their existence, we are superior and more important than they.

    By then being part of BOTH camps, Dougie managed to be both a door and a jar. And his "I'm the voice of reason, fucktards" schtick is funny.

    Obviously the solution is to start a new board to discuss their discussion of our discussion of wrestling. It's all silly stupid fun and I bet they're all cuties who just want to snuggle with us very badly.

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  119. I just hope no one sleeps with my wife, who is a dirty, filthy tramp. EASY dude, I just started working again.

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  120. I am not. It was the drizzling shits of a kid who just worked a 12 hour day and wanted to keep fresh on the BOD. I failed. Spectacularly.

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  121. I saw that movie tonight

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  122. I agree. I just started working again and exhaustion (and beer) lend themselves to some AWFUL writings.

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  123. Fair point, well taken.

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  124. Farva, you seem like a well educated individual with discerning tastes. Tell me this: What articles that I write get greater traffic; the totally serious ones, ones that I pour my heart and soul into, or the drunken ones that basically have no redeemable value? Guess what? It is (are) the shitty ones people seem to respond more to. Gets me more hits. Give me some time with Holly's book, I will put something good up. If I feel it correct.

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