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Monday, November 11, 2013

The PG Era Rant: Raw, 11-11-13

When last we left our heroes, they lay in Gallipolli, Flanders Fields, and Arlington National. They are gone, but never forgotten. To all in uniform: thank you on this Armistice/Veteran's Day.

The USA Network ad asks if Big Show can regain the advantage heading into Survivor Series. The look-in ad says that HHH and Stephanie are on vacation and asks who represents the Authority.

- The PG Era Rant for Raw, November 11, 2013.

- Not exactly live from Manchester, UK.

- Your hosts are a King, a Joker, and the Green 8 from Uno.

- John Cena narrates a thank-you piece for all American veterans.


- It's a recap of last week's ending segment next. Interestingly, they play the sound bites out of order from last week, but the order they play them in makes a little more sense.

- First out of the curtain is Randy Orton. You know, they keep putting that red phone booth on the stage in England, and I keep waiting for a confused man with a sprig of celery in his lapel to pop out of it. Orton cuts to the chase: Big Show's match is the result of blackmail. Hard to argue. But if last week's beating was any indication, Orton is a lock to win at Survivor Series. Orton has been left in charge of tonight's Raw... which brings out nominal Raw GM Brad Maddox to an ovation. Maddox says HE'S in charge because, well, he's the GM of Raw. Maddox (understandably nervous) begins to discuss what his plans are when Kane emerges. There's a decent You Sold Out chant, though it's hard to tell if it's piped in or not. Kane says that, as Director of Operations, HE'S in charge of Raw. I'm just waiting for Dustin to say he's the tag team champions now. Maddox claims seniority and gets ready to announce the opening match: he wants Orton/Cody. Kane vetoes it and wants Orton/Goldust. The two argue, but Orton says “Hey, I can't fight the both of them”. The crowd likes that idea, but instead, it's Vickie Guerrero. She sends best wishes to the Authority, then says she KNOWS Orton has the skills, so as the Voice Of Reason™, it is Best For Business™ (Crowd: “Who are ya?”) that Orton can take the both of them on. JBL points out that, wait, that's not what Orton said. This segment will play on infinite loop in Scott Keith's private Hell.

- Randy Orton v. The Brothers Rhodes. Well, if I'm booking this, there's no way it ends cleanly. Goldust starts. Goldust with a headlock takedown, which Orton reverses to a grounded headscissors. Break and reverse follows. Goldust goes to inhale and gets slapped, which leads to Orton getting a headlock and knockdown, but Goldust follows with a series of armdrags and a dropkick for two. Cody drops his elbow on the arm and follows with a stalling front suplex for two. Orton suckers Cody into the corner and kicks away, following with a European Uppercut. Goldust in on a blind tag, and he cradles Orton for two. Orton rushes Goldust into the corner and works the gut, adding a headbutt and milking the boos. Orton works in another corner and gets a clothesline for two as the crowd declares Randy's boring. Then they switch to a JBL chant as Orton works the arm. Cole: “We must be in England.” Orton stomps Goldust in the gut as the crowd continues not to give a darn. Orton pounds Goldust in the back, then chokes him down as the crowd demands Goldberg (I think). Goldust begins to fight out, starting a slugfest that Orton wins, but a blind charge hits Goldust's boot. Orton knocks Goldust off the corner as we go to break. You know, if the WWE is sweetening the crowd for cheers and boos, can't they drown out the insanity of the crowd too? We return as Orton has a chinlock on Goldust with the crowd rallying him. Goldust fights out, then avoids Orton's powerslam and cradles Orton for two before getting a DDT. Hot tag to Cody, who gets a springboard dropkick and the Brisco rollup for two. Cody with the sliding uppercut and he goes up, getting the moonsault press for two. Cody is measuring Orton, but waits too long and gets caught only to recover with a Butt butt. Double-teaming leads to a big right from Goldust and the brothers send Orton packing with a double clothesline. Orton walks out at 10:45, but heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Big Show. Show works over Orton on the outside, throwing him into the steps. Short-arm clothesline follows, and Show tears up the announce table. Crowd with a huge YES chant, proving that even England is falling for chant transition. Show puts the steps by the table, lifts Orton onto the steps, and chokeslams him through the table. That draws HUGE chants of YES, and it's not splicing either. Orton sleptwalked through the match. *3/4 Orton appears injured by the attack. I wouldn't be surprised if he were a little shaken up – that was a huge drop.

- During the Break, Big Show left in a cab to do a pub crawl.

- Los Matadores and Santino Marella v. 3 Man Band (as the Union Jacks). SANTINO HAS BULL HORNS. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID. 3MB comes out to punk music and wearing British flag print tights. It gets them a 3MB chant. Primo starts with Slater and gets a snapmare and chops. Slater brings in Mahal with a blind tag, and Mahal gets the running knee (“Ole!”) for two. 3MB with the triple-team, ending in a flying kick by McIntyre. He knocks Epico off the apron, but Primo reverses to a back suplex. Mahal and Santino in, and Santino goes straight to his comeback, but the saluting headbutt hits the knees. Good thing too, because he still has the horns on. Santino with a suplex for a double KO as El Torito distracts Slater and begins a chase. Santino gores Slater out of the ring (that happened), but McIntyre attacks Torito only to get a double dive. Torito adds a somersault senton for fun. Santino with a split Stunner and the Cobra (which OF COURSE has bull horns) gets the pin at 2:56. Santino does some bull passes with El Torito for fun. Santino and Slater are so good at comedy matches. 3/4*

- Backstage, the doctors work on Orton as Maddox apologizes. Orton gets mad at Maddox AND Vickie who tries to apologize as well. He promises that the Authority will handle both of them. Orton even snaps at Kane too because he's in that bad a mood. But Kane DOES have authority and promises that if he keeps mouthing off, Big Show will be the least of his worries.

- Later tonight, Dolph Ziggler challenges Curtis Axel for the Intercontinental Title.

- Funny bit: they show Old Trafford for the Manchester flavor, and the Manchester crowd boos it.

- Damien Sandow v. Kofi Kingston. Sandow goes nuts with knees and tosses Kingston, following and pounding away. He covers Kofi's face and keeps stomping away, adding some pain from the ropes and getting one. Sandow with a chinlock, but Kofi fights out and kicks away. Sandow throws Kofi into the corner repeatedly and works him over with shoulder rams and headbutts. He wipes Kofi's face into the mat and drops the knee for two. To the front chancery, but Kofi gets to his feet only to be pulled down by the hair. Cubito Aequet follows, but no cover as he adds more elbows for two. Legdrop misses. Kofi gets the boots up to stop a charge, then trips Sandow and fires away. Spinning heel kick by Kofi gets two. Kofi splashes the back of Sandow for two. He did it from the middle rope and while Sandow was standing. Sandow fights back to take control, but a blind charge runs into the pendulum kick. Sandow shakes the ropes to stop a springboard, and the You're Welcome ends it at 3:53. Crowd was dead. 1/2*

- Next week, Raw will do a country-themed show from Nashville. I demand at the very least Road Dogg performing “With My Baby Tonight”.

- Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel v. Dolph Ziggler. As a reminder from WWE, this match came up because Ziggler won a non-title match last week. They lock up, finding their way into a corner, which leads to a clean break. A second round leads to an Axel headlock, but Ziggler pulls himself out and reverses. Axel with a chickenwing reversal, Ziggler reverses THAT, Axel elbows out and punches away, and Ziggler's down in the corner for some mudhole stomping. A whip sequence leads to a dropkick by Axel for one. He brags a bit, allowing Ziggler up to get a headlock. Axel reverses, getting a shoulder tackle but running into a dropkick for two. Ziggler now brags. Axel runs into a high hiptoss for two. Ziggler with a suplex for two. Ten-elbow countalong follows, with the tenth getting a belt flourish, for two. Axel sends Ziggler for the Michaels Bump to the floor on a whip. Axel throws Ziggler into the apron on the outside and begins pounding away. Back in, it gets two. A series of forearm drops gets two. Axel grabs Ziggler's hair and yells at him, then puts him in the ropes and keeps firing off. Axel slaps Ziggler around, but that infuriates Ziggler and he gets the high-rise DDT for a double KO. Axel's charge goes into the ringpost. Ziggler with a leaping clothesline out of Daniel Bryan's playbook, following with a Stinger Splash and ten punches in the corner to a Rude Awakening. Elbowdrop gets two. Rocker Dropper misses, and Axel slingshots Ziggler into the top buckle, rolling him up for two. Rocker Dropper hits on the second try and gets two for Ziggler. Both men slowly up, and Axel with a Saito suplex for two. Axel to the second rope, but Ziggler leaps all the way up with a facejam for two. Zig Zag misses and Axel with a faceplant and the Hennig Breaker for the win at 9:05. I don't know what they see in Axel, but Langston is inevitably the next champion and they're just waiting for the right time. **1/4

- Backstage, Kane and Maddox keep arguing over who's running the show each one planning to the tell the Authority. The main event tonight is We The People against John Cena, suggested by Maddox. Kane adds Bryan/Punk against the Shield. Crowd loves both ideas. Kane refuses a Maddox handshake. Are they trying to turn either Maddox or Vickie face?

- We have a WWE Shop segment featuring an evil Zack Ryder from an alternate universe.

- Tamina Snuka v. Nikki Bella. This match is played out. Tamina opens with a knee and throw, but Nikki rolls Tamina up for one. Tamina throws Nikki into the corner again, but Nikki blocks a charge and ANOTHER rollup gets one. Nikki drop toeholds Tamina and gets a dropkick as Tamina bails. Nikki tries a standing monkey flip, but Tamina throws her to the ground and gets the JACKET THROW OF DOOM for one. Tamina with a slam and she tries for a kneeling bow-and-arrow. Nikki elbows away and gets separation. Tamina chokes away on Nikki as the crowd tries a This Is Awesome chant. That better be ironic. Tamina with a pumphandle into a powerslam for two and we HIT THE CHINLOCK. Tamina with the Ventura body vice, but Nikki reverses to a back body drop. Tilt-a-whirl headscissors (sort of) leads to a series of clotheslines. Standing monkey flip connects this time, and a bulldog gets two as an ECW chant begins. AJ adds a cheap shot, and the big boot follows. AJ throws Brie into the apron as Tamina goes up, and the Superfly Splash connects for the win at 4:24. Brie suckershots AJ and clears the ring post-match. Just switch the title or move on already. DUD

- WWE 2K14 look as they re-enact the Streak vs. Career match. On SmackDown, we will show some Character Creations.

- The Shield visit Randy Orton in the training room, and Orton asks where the heck they were to make the save. Orton is chewing all of them out, but the Shield make it clear they don't answer to anyone, especially not Orton. Orton is very angry.

- Fandango v. Tyson Kidd. Kidd has new music and the same old relationship problems. Come on, guys, they're married; stop teasing a breakup. For the record, the England crowd is still bored and doing the Fandangoizing. Kidd with a waistlock, which Fandango reverses, but Kidd with a snapmare and a long whip sequence leading to an eventual gut kick and dropkick. Kidd pounds away in the corner, but Fandango tosses him over the top rope. JBL implies that Fandango and Natalya shared a look, and back in, Fandango gets two. Fandango knocks over Kidd and goes to the chinlock. Kidd's fight-out is cut off, but Kidd lands on his feet off a suplex and throws Fandango into the corner. Kidd cuts off a blind charge and gets a springboard dropkick into a running rana off the apron. Kidd tries to get a chant for him, but it's short-lived. Back in, Kidd gets a springboard sunset flip, but Fandango sits on top for the pin at 2:57. Crowd loves it, because it means more dancing. Meh. 1/2*

- John Cena v. We The People. So we have proud American and controversial face John Cena against two people who are American jingoists and the match is in England. I don't see ANYONE getting cheered in this one. Zeb Colter tries to make sure it never happens by calling Englishmen soccer thugs with bad food. Sadly, England agrees with him. Plus, they thought Mr. Bean was funny. Colter continues the cheap heat, but WE THE PEOPLE still gets a reaction. Swagger starts, and the Cena chants begin. Swagger works the arm (of course), but Cena escapes and checks the tricep. Cena keeps one eye on Cesaro as a We The People chant begins. Cena throws Swagger, who calmly tags in Cesaro. And before we can get anything going, out comes Alberto Del Rio. Cena checks on him, but KEEPS the lockup going; unfortunately, it doesn't work, and Cesaro dumps Cena with Swagger adding a cheap shot. Cesaro throws him into the barricade as we go to break. We return with a European Uppercut as the soccer thugs begin chanting. Big soccer kick by Cesaro leads to the Karelin suplex for two. Swagger with a headlock as the crowd chants for a Superman cosplayer. Cena suplexes his way out of it. Cesaro tags in, but gets caught with Cena's elevation neckbreaker for two. Swagger tags himself in and gets consecutive Vaderbombs. The third one misses, and Cesaro gets caught with a shoulderblock, as does Swagger, but Cesaro intercepts a third try with the European Uppercut. GIANT SWING OF DOOM is stopped as Cena tries the STF. Cesaro tags Swagger in, unbeknownst to Cena, so when Cena sets up the Five-Knuckle Shuffle, Swagger enters with the Patriot Lock. Another tag that Cena wasn't aware of results in a Cesaro crossbody, but Cena catches, rolls through, and hooks up the AA. Swagger clips Cena to stop it, and Cesaro gets two. Cesaro goes for the Neutralizer, but Cena backdrops out. Swagger tags back in, but gets caught with the Protoslam and Five-Knuckle Shuffle. AA try, but Swagger rolls through into the Patriot Lock. Cena rolls out of it and gets the AA to Swagger, but Cesaro saves. Everyone's down but Cesaro, who calls for the tag and gets it. Cesaro gets caught into a duck-under and powerbomb (!!) for two. Slugfest trade ensues, with the crowd on the side of the European Uppercuts, especially when Cesaro gets a catapult uppercut for two. Charging European uppercut from Cesaro and he sets up a superplex, but Cena fights out and knocks down Cesaro. Swagger tags in and pops up, but Cena knocks him down and gets a crossbody to Swagger into the clothesline to Cesaro and an STF for Swagger for the tap at 12:52. Cesaro jumps after the bell and keep sup the attack with headbutts, but Cena fights back and dispatches Cesaro again only for ADR to charge in and deliver massive chairshots to Cena. Del Rio tries to Pillmanize Cena and applies the armbar with the chair. Big E Langston of all people races in for the save. There was some seriously good chemistry in that match, but the booking made Cena look more like the heel than We The People. **3/4

- Meanwhile, on Main Event, AJ will defend against Natalya. And likely win, though I haven't seen spoilers.

- Backstage, all the G.M.s cheer Alberto Del Rio, who wants Vickie to tell Big E to stay out of his business. The Authority Lite makes the match for later tonight.

- Ryback v. R-Truth. Is R-Truth doing a battle rap? Nice. Truth with a waistlock, but Ryback backs him in to a corner and works over him. Truth with a headlock, but Ryback fights out and gets a top wristlock and hairpull throw. Ryback asks Truth to hit him, but Truth goes back to a headlock instead. They repeat the spot from earlier, and Ryback calls Truth “stupid”. Truth fights back with kicks that stun Ryback, including one off a back body drop try, but Ryback throws Truth into the corner back and forth. Hammer throw by Ryback. Ryback chokes Truth on the ropes for four, then gets a military press into a slam. He stomps away on Truth and backs him into the corner, chopping and punching away. Another slam follows, and the big splash gets two. Ryback with a ground waistlock as the crowd is quiet. He switches to a bearhug. Truth fights his way out of it, including a big right, but runs into a spinebuster. Blind charge misses, and Truth with a rollup out of nowhere for the pin at 4:01. Wait, what? 1/4*

- Big E Langston v. Alberto Del Rio. ADR with a kick and headbutts to start, but Langston catches him and fires off in the gut repeatedly. A cross-corner whip and shoulder ram follows, then a tackle. Blind charge eats ADR's boots for one, then a low kick to the head and stomps for another one. ADR to the chinlock, but Langston fights out only to get hit with a DDT for two. ADR stomps away and returns to the chinlock as the crowd is distracted, so fine. Crowd does the wave as ADR jumps on Langston's back. Langston breaks with a side suplex, then comes at it with clotheslines and a Greco-Roman suplex. Ultimate Splash follows and Langston stalks ADR, but ADR misses the blind charge and gets the step-up enzuigiri for two. Crowd decides to hype themselves up as ADR fails to get the armbar on. THE STRAPS COME DOWN off a Vadershot, but the Big Ending is slid out of and the armbar finishes at 4:06. Hey, remember all that effort Orton did last week to make Langston look good? Never mind. *1/4

- Oh, hey, Del Rio and Cena will do arm wrestling on SmackDown! Those are ALWAYS fun!

- Paul Heyman shows up with a neck brace, crutch, back brace, wheelchair, leg brace, and Curtis Axel. He blames Punk again for all his injuries. He says that Punk is not a match for Paul Heyman and had help getting to him – such as Ryback. That's right, after all Heyman has done for Ryback, it's Ryback's fault that Heyman got hurt. Ryback was overwhelmed by Punk, but he's not the only one at fault – the fans are also at fault. See, they encouraged Punk to attack Heyman, an innocent man. So it's all the fans' fault, which the fans are understandably okay with. He calls Manchester a ghetto, but he's here not because he wants to talk, but because he needs witnesses for his declaration: he shall return with a vengeance. Funny way to pronounce Brock Lesnar. He will stab the Sword of Damocles at Punk... which brings Punk out. Heyman: “OH NO!” Axel is ready to attack Punk, but we all know Axel is Punk's tackling dummy. Indeed, one roundhouse kick and barricade trip leads to a GTS and Heyman is literally helpless against Punk. Punk gets himself a kendo stick and stares at Heyman in glee, then grabs the wheelchair and spins it in circles before dumping him out and the beating continues to the cadence of a YES chant.

- Main event: CM Punk and Daniel Bryan v. The Shield. Rollins does a front flip over the barrier on his way in. Punk and Ambrose start. A long staredown begins, as both men slowly begin the match. Ambrose with a wristlock into a headlock, but Punk shoves off only to get knocked down. Punk returns with a leg lariat, and Bryan enters as the faces get a double suplex on Ambrose. Bryan gets two. Ambrose with a back elbow off of a whip, and Rollins in boxing against the ropes. Bryan flips him over with a knee smash and he sets up a surfboard, hooking it on Rollins. Punk in, and after taunting the Shield, he kicks Rollins for two. Dropkick off of a snapmare gets one. Rollins fights back with a big chop in the corner, but Punk catches the dropkick and slingshots Rollins into the turnbuckle. GTS tried, but Rollins escapes and races to tag Reigns in. He and Punk stare down before locking up, with Reigns headbutting Punk in the corner and ropes. A straight right hand follows, but Punk slides underneath and tags Bryan in. Faces trade kicks on Reigns, but Reigns knocks them both over with clotheslines. Punk is disposed of, and Rollins comes in to beat on Bryan. Bryan flips over in the corner and hooks Rollins in a German suplex and running corner dropkick. Frankensteiner out of the corner gets two. YES kicks begin, with Ambrose getting the final blow, but Rollins high kicks Bryan as we go to break. We return with Rollins getting a rear chinlock on Bryan. Would that be a beardlock? Bryan elbows out of it, but Rollins sends Bryan into the corner as Bryan tries the HBK Flip. Not quite. Rollins gets two. Ambrose in with stomps and a Power Drive Elbow for two. Ambrose with a FINGERLOCK on Bryan and boxes away in the corner before tagging Reigns in. Reigns with headbutts to fell Bryan. Reigns keeps working over Bryan and shouting at him. Bryan punches out but runs into a right hand by Reigns for two. Rollins stomps away on Bryan as JBL compares Reigns to Terry Gordy. Rollins with a slam for two, and a cobra clutch. Bryan gets out again, but Rollins with a CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN TONY and brings in Reigns. Bryan launches out Rollins and low-bridges Reigns, leaving a clear path to Punk. Ambrose and Punk in, Punk with a springboard clothesline and axhandles to everyone in black. Duck-under neckbreaker follows as does a corner knee and short-arm clothelsine. He goes up top, and the Heartbreak Elbow gets two before Rollins saves. Bryan missile dropkicks Rollins and dives onto Rollins only to get lariated HARD by Reigns. Punk dives onto Reigns, then back in, a roundhouse to Ambrose follows. GTS try to Ambrose, but Reigns gets it instead. Ambrose cradles Punk for two. Punk with the Anaconda Vice on Ambrose... and the feed cuts out. Wait, no, it's the Wyatt Family in the ring. Everyone's concerned on BOTH sides. Rollins and Harper get in a verbal fight in the ring, with Ambrose pulling Rollins aside and joining in. Shield and Wyatts get in a shoving match as the crowd WANTS more. Harper and Rowan attack Ambrose and Rollins as the match falls apart at 16:00 or so. Meanwhile, Reigns and Wyatt are arguing, with Wyatt getting in the first blow and all heck is breaking loose. Punk and Bryan wisely get out of dodge as both sides face off. Wyatt finally reminds everyone they ALL hate Bryan and Punk and unites the troops to go after them. Now Punk and Bryan are surrounded by six guys. Punk and Bryan try to get the opening shot, but no good. Now the Usos and Rhodeses get involved and it's a 12-man melee. Crowd is loving this. Faces clear the ring as I believe we have our Traditional Survivor Series Match™. Match was really good until it turned into an even better brawl. ***1/2

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This was a total one-match show, which is a shame because it shouldn't have been. Orton didn't seem to care about this match, and the crowd made sure just about everything else was DOA. Not that they had much to go on – this show was very missable with the only real thing happening being a Shield/Wyatts tease and the Traditional Match all but made. Cena and the Americans did all right, don't get me wrong, and as the second best match of the night it was perfectly acceptable, but my goodness I just could not care about this show.

And this makes me wonder: why? Was HHH's absence that big a deal? It shouldn't have been – he doesn't wrestle, and the 20 minutes of interview segment last week didn't exactly make me want to see him again. Looking over the matches on this show, there wasn't much that was going to succeed. Sandow/Kofi was meaningless, ADR sucked out all the momentum Langston had by making him tap out, the Divas match is old hat even by Diva standards, and the longer Axel holds the Intercontinental Title the stranger it gets.

Two matches don't make a great show, because you need to have glue tying them together. Last week, the wrestling was solid enough that I could live with it. This week, there was nothing in the ring (likely because the crowd decided ahead of time not to give a darn). I can't even get up enough emotion to hate this show. You missed nothing if you skipped the show just to read my report. (Pfft – like anyone does that.)

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 71:00 or so, depending on when you feel the Main Event ended, over ten matches
BEST MATCH: Bryan and Punk/Shield
WORST MATCH: Nikki/Tamina
NIGHT MVP (kayfabe): CM Punk

RATING: Meh, 4/10.

Scott and Tommy will continue the week with Raw Lite, NXT, and SmackDown. In the meantime, our troops deserve a better show than this. I'll be back in 7 days.

127 comments:

  1. The show sucked for the most part but damn I was marking hard for the final segment. I've been waiting too see the Wyatts and Shield go face to face.. this was the first time they've ever interacted. The massive brawl at the end, I'm always a sucker for those and I know what the REAL main event of Survivor Series for most fan now will be.


    PS - The reason the people booed Manchester United is because 90% of the city are Manchester City fans. The majority of United fans are abroad or glory hunters in London.

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  2. I'll admit, I marked out for the Wyatt/Shield interaction at the end of the show.


    They've done such a good job of building up the Wyatt's as a credible threat, even though they really haven't done much of consequence to any opponents of consequence.


    Show's you what the power of a cool/creepy gimmick, the right person to play it, and a slow burn with plenty of simple beat-downs and dominance displays will get you. The Wyatt's are over as impact players, and barely anybody had to actually take the 'hit' of putting them over to get them there.

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  3. "Soccer thugs!" Wow... that was just crass!

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  4. Pat Patterson Prolapsed!November 12, 2013 at 12:33 AM

    For English crowds, take the crowd noise and divide it by ten, and that's what a normal crowd would sound like.

    They're all very drunk and will yell for anything, you see.

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  5. Has anyone else had the terrible thought that for the WWE, what works and what's *good* are very different things?

    I.E you need stability, but that's boring for those of us that really like it as an artform. However, those of us that really like it also aren't the folks who are going to be buying PPVs I think.

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  6. I think that's the biggest issue. We here on the Internet (and I use this term very generally) demand certain things from the product, and when we get them, we reward WWE by... torrenting their PPVs. I wouldn't market to us either.

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  7. On behalf of the UK, can I point out that no-one here over the age of about 6 has thought Mr Bean was funny in at least 20 years.

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  8. I was talking to a friend of mine about this a few weeks back. He's a lifelong fan of over 25 years and watches much more than he misses anymore. I've seen every episode of Raw ever, every PPV ever and thousands of hours of other stuff. In short, he and I are both lifers. We're going to be watching the show no matter what happens.

    Therefore, why in the world would WWE market to the two of us, or fans like us? They've got us watching no matter what they air, so why should they try to appease us if we're going to keep watching no matter what? It makes sense to try to appeal to other fans if they don't have to appeal to us to have us watching and buying shows.

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  9. The Olympic opening ceremony says hi...

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  10. Fuck Mr. Bean, seriously.


    I hate that Rowan Atkinson has been defined by that role, rather than the sheer genius that was Blackadder.

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  11. Mr Bean was included in the Olympic ceremony because for some reason he's massively popular overseas. Places like India & China can't get enough of him, which I can only assume is because that's haw the rest of the world sees us. (That along with the whole HO HO, IS FUNNY BECAUSE IS BADLY COORDINATE AND FALL DOWN thing)


    Also, I know I'm in a minority with this, but with the exception of the WWI series, Blackadder doesn't hold up at all any more. All that "Mad Jack McMad, the maddest madman of south maddenshire" stuff just comes across as horribly pretentious & self indulgent nowadays.

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  12. Whilst United does have a worldwide fanbase it's ludicrous to suggest that 90% of the Manchester population are City fans.

    And given that the crowd was likely to be made up of people from across the north west (and probably much further afield given that a Raw is relatively rare in the UK) - I suspect the Etihad would have been given a similar reception.

    It's not like the States where major sports teams are spread relatively far and wide; the MEN (I'm sorry, The Phones 4 U Arena) is well within range of Liverpool, Preston, Bolton, Blackburn - and even Leeds and Sheffield.

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  13. I was sure William Regal was going to be the in charge for the night, would have made sense. Anyway, was great to hear Heyman will be back with a 'vengeance' and the Shield/Wyatts getting into it was unexpected and awesome. Other than that, whatevs.

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  14. Very cool final segment. What are the odds of whatever Survivor Series match that comes out of that schmozz being last on the card?

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  15. EYE have a better shot at main eventing Survivor Series than that match does.

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  16. Mini TJ: Miami had TWO yards rushing last night. Christ, that game must have been full of suck.

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  17. So, when I watch raw lite, just don't pay any attention until the main event? noted!

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  18. so those 76,000 people come from abroad every week?

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  19. Slapstick works in any language.

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  20. UPVOTE UPVOTE UPVOTE.


    "We're going to win this election on issues and not personality"
    "And why is that?"
    "Because our candidate has no personality"


    Season 3 Election Episode is fucking genius. Every second of it.

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  21. Disagree. The stupid Potato episode doesn't hold up from Season 2, but everything else from seasons 2 and 3 still hold up today. Season 1, though, oofah.

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  22. Raw was so bad last night that this discussion is about everything but the episode.

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  23. I was merely amused, then looked up, saw the name, and LOLed.

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  24. Lol. The BoD was just "Parallaxed"

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  25. Because it's 2013 and the Blog of Doom is a Google funded entity that no longer takes risks or does long-term development of top guys, apparently. It's just kind of the way it is. So you're going to get nothing but Daniel Bryan.

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  26. I really enjoy the unique brand of entertainment the superstars of the WWE bring the WWE Universe each week on the flagship broadcast Monday Night Raw, which, by the way, is the longest running, weekly, episodic program in television history.

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  27. Yeah, but I would pay for stuff if it were good. I'm a childfree male with a STEM degree and a decent job so I have plenty of disposable income. But I'm not going to spend it on mediocre pro-wrestling shows even though I really like pro-wrestling. Same reason why I don't buy bad comic books even though I like the characters featured in them. Wow me and you've got my money.

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  28. Ha. This is a great email. The rest of my morning is now going to be spent trying to reconcile the BoD regulars with their WWE doppelganger. Fuck i gotta get back to the E.R.

    ReplyDelete
  29. It was rather suspicious when BoDer DoubleD went off on me when I called Damien Demento "Jobber the Hutt".

    ReplyDelete
  30. Out of curiosity, other than the 'five moves of doom' thing, what other reasons have made people believe that WWE wrestlers read the blog?

    Not discounting the idea or anything, just honestly curious.

    ReplyDelete
  31. oh, it's not the regulars. it's those of us who halfheartedly keep up. we're the ones you need to watch out for.


    Now for my not suspicious at all treatise on why David Otunga is grossly underused.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I don't think it was a bad show. Normally, it isn't very good when they come from England. However, I thought it was a decent show. I think we see exactly what Triple H and Stephanie bring to the show (how bout NOTHING?!?!?!) these days. It would have been better had most of the show not been spent talking about them. I think we can do without all of the handicap matches - that would be my gripe.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Scream09_HartKillerNovember 12, 2013 at 7:28 AM

    I promise, with tears in my eyes, that I am not a wrestler.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Daniel Bryan really is to wrestling websites what Cena/Orton/HHH are to WWE. Gets crowds generally interested, but rarely anything of note or creative worth comes out of featuring them.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Austin himself uses KICK WHAM STUNNER fairly regularly on the twitter and such.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 12, 2013 at 7:36 AM

    The avatars are supposed to be ironic, to throw off the scent. So, say your avatar is Barry Horowitz, you're trying to let people know that you're not really Barry Horowitz, but you really are.

    ReplyDelete
  37. You got me, I'm JTG. I just wanted to finally feel accepted somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 12, 2013 at 7:38 AM

    Daniel Bryan is an A+ guy who should have been booked into the Invasion angle, after having been angered over the Montreal screwjob.
    Discussion over.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Parallex1978 is obviously Jeff Jarrett at the end of his last WWE run, and any day now, Chyna is going to challenge him to a Good Housekeeping match.

    Porn-Peddling Jef Vinson just might be Jerry Lawler.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 12, 2013 at 7:40 AM

    Don't you have an episode of Superstars to tape right now?
    You don't?

    ReplyDelete
  41. But is it still okay to enjoy his matches after he murdered his family?

    ReplyDelete
  42. Scream09_HartKillerNovember 12, 2013 at 7:40 AM

    Would you like me to carry you to the greatest match of your career? I can make a star out of you like I did so Davey Boy. Well not me, I mean, I know someone.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I only seem to be a mild-mannered editor at a mediocre metropolitan newspaper. In my spare time, though, I am definitely a WWE Superstar. Pay no attention to the man in the avatar!

    ReplyDelete
  44. I wish I could tell you that I was a WWE superstar, but I'm not booked.

    ReplyDelete
  45. If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start.

    ReplyDelete
  46. This is totally off-topic, but it never occured to me until this moment as to why Cesaro's finisher is called the Neutralizer. He's from Switzerland, you see, and Switzerland is NEUTRAL...I literally just got that.

    They might as well play that up and have Cesaro's character refuse to take sides in any feud going forward.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Scream09_HartKillerNovember 12, 2013 at 7:50 AM

    It's a cold day in Calgary. I heard.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Im John Cena....

    ReplyDelete
  49. "Just yesterday, the people were cheering me in the streets, 'We hail Prince George, We Hail Prince George'"
    "We HATE Prince George, We HATE Prince George"
    "So I am not popular then."

    ReplyDelete
  50. You're Welcome

    ReplyDelete
  51. Obama won. Those are the merits of it.


    /answer

    ReplyDelete
  52. Have you gotten your trampoline workout in this morning?

    ReplyDelete
  53. I am actually Chris Walker.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 12, 2013 at 7:59 AM

    I would say his matches are jerk off material.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Does it matter at all to you that I fucked Jennifer Hudson behind his back?

    ReplyDelete
  56. I'ma Santino Marella!

    ReplyDelete
  57. That is really meta

    ReplyDelete
  58. Who says they get crowds interested? In the big picture of things I stopped watching wrestling regularly long long ago, and Cena was kinda cool when I saw him on random PPV's at the pub, but he was never enough to drag me back into it. Orton has always seemed like an emotionless robot to me and I never could consider him a big player. Cena started getting really over in 2003 and it's TEN YEARS LATER. It's so boring now it actually bothers me cause I still have a passion deep down, but now I couldn't care less. They are going to keep losing money rapidly unless they do something big very soon

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  59. No mention that the main event (especially the commentary) was putting Reigns over like a motherfucker?

    ReplyDelete
  60. It doesn't exactly fill me with confidence that my E.R. doctor between shock with a defibrillator might be thinking "I wonder if cabspaintedyellow is really Dolph Ziggler... CLEAR"

    ReplyDelete
  61. I'd like to point out how I have stolen heat from Fuj's catchphrase

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  62. That sentiment would be multiples by 100 if you knew more about me

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  63. So, hopefully they add Wyatts/Shield vs. Rhodes boys, Usos and New MegaPowers as a Survivor Series match. Is Cena/Del Rio officials? Jesus, I was trying to think of potential SurSer matches we can have in addition and I'm coming up with nothing.


    3MB and Fandango vs. Santino, Tons of Funk and Tyson Kidd?


    Real Americans, Curtis Axel, Fandango and Damien Sandow vs. Kofi, Big E, Ziggler and the PTP? Only so they could give Ziggler Christian's "I feel out of place" comment in the pre-match interview.


    So, in writing this post, I've talked myself out of bothering with Survivor Series.

    ReplyDelete
  64. WHAT? NO.....pre or post weight loss?

    ReplyDelete
  65. Scream09_HartKillerNovember 12, 2013 at 8:08 AM

    Or an avatar of the word day of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  66. How is this not funny to anyone else?

    ReplyDelete
  67. Okay, this needs to be asked because I constantly see this stereotype brought up here by trolls like Dougie and some regular board posters as well, but honestly:


    Who here actually illegally watches the PPV through streams?


    I don't, I watch the PPVs at bars, or a friend's place if he is ordering.

    ReplyDelete
  68. This is an abolution! I've been found out. I'm going to have to talk with somebody and have a serious conflagration (Stares at hands while in a trance).

    ReplyDelete
  69. Porn-Peddling Jef VinsonNovember 12, 2013 at 8:23 AM

    "...YES!!"

    ReplyDelete
  70. That's because Austin himself used that phrase in promos back in his wrestling days.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Screw that, I'm Oswaldo Arcia

    ReplyDelete
  72. Crowds was a bad word. Paying customers is a better term. WWE caters to the audience most likely to drop money on PPVs, live shows, and merchandise. A wrestling product that appeals to the adult demographic will probably not make as much money as one that appeals to kids/teens.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Yup, everybody with a different opinion is a troll.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I have, a number of times.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Not even Daniel Bryan is nerdy enough to post ridiculousness like 'HE'S THE NEXT AUSTIN.'

    ReplyDelete
  76. Also, I'm El Dandy.

    ReplyDelete
  77. So there was the backlash to Bryan getting screwed, and now there's the backlash to the backlash. Frankly, I'm already sick of it. Can we get a backlash to the backlash of the backlash soon?


    Also, why did WWE get rid of Backlash? OHHH, do you guys think Bryan wins the title at Backlash?

    ReplyDelete
  78. I have tried to watch streams but always had poor connections that made them unpleasant. The more likely case is that I will check to see if anything in particular stood out and I'll just watch those bits after the fact. Even if it's free, no way am I spending 3 hours watching pro-wrestling when maybe 45 minutes of it is interesting to me.

    ReplyDelete
  79. It's possible that 'five moves of doom' was picked up and used by some other internet site/blog (with or without crediting Scott), picked up by Cena or whomever from there. These type of things can spread over the internet. A lot of still use Big Poochie to describe Kevin Hash, and I think that was invented by CRZ.

    ReplyDelete
  80. They could potentially give the 6v6 match an hour including intros and get away with a 5 match show. They'll probably add a women's match then throw a bunch of guys into another 4v4 or 5v5 match.

    ReplyDelete
  81. I wish that I had 10 upvotes to give.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Who is this Daniel Bryan guy anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  83. Was it you whose birthday is today, or am I thinking of someone else?

    ReplyDelete
  84. It's tomorrow, but that's pretty good.
    You're the 5th? I thought of that when someone posted that rhyme to my Facebook wall the other day.

    ReplyDelete
  85. A thought I didn't include in the Final Thoughts because it would be Bakeresque, but that certainly crossed my mind: do you think "HHH isn't on the show tonight" and "this show had nothing going for it" are related? If so, how? As I said, it's not like HHH brings much to the table (other than you know things will happen when he's around), but... well, I doubt it's a conspiracy or a Hogan move to have a bad show when he's not on it. Still, is it coincidence, or does it say something about The Game?

    ReplyDelete
  86. Sheamus is HHH's guy, I think it's pretty obvious he'll be hanging around the top of the card. I wouldn't be surprised to see Sheamus vs Lesnar at WM 30 to be honest.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Oh I agree that Sheamus is gonna get another huge push, for sure. And actually I personally think Sheamus is really good— awesome workrate and he does have natural personality. But he was flopping as a main event babyface— the injury kind of came at the right time.


    No way it's Lesnar vs Shemaus this year. (Though again, that's a match I think would be AWESOME. I would have loved to see it last year instead of HHH vs Lesnar, with Sheamus acting as HHH's avenger. Would have put Sheamus over HUGE.) Lesnar has to rematch with Punk sometime soon. (They made it clear last night that Heyman isn't done with Punk, which means he has to bring back Lesnar to face him. Unless his master plan is to fight Punk with LUKE GALLOWS.) So I'd say Punk vs Lesnar is a Mania possibility again. If not, then it's probably Lesnar vs Taker. There's just no reason that Sheamus somehow bypasses both those guys for a match against Lesnar.


    I really think there's a good chance Sheamus comes back as a heel and works against Cena at Mania, maybe even after winning the Rumble or Elimination Chamber. They could play it up the way they did Cena vs Batista that time, in that Sheamus is one guy that seems to have Cena's number.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 12, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    I think the backlash to the backlash of the backlash has already started. If I understood you correctly.
    I actually think Bryan wins the title at Bound for Glory.

    ReplyDelete
  89. How in the hell did you know that?

    ReplyDelete
  90. So with you stealing Fuj's catchphrase is this all just a metaphor? Who is HHH in this case? Google AdSense?

    ReplyDelete
  91. I know everything.


    No, it was mentioned in a thread a few weeks back that Mahn's birthday was a week after mine and it stuck in the back of my head. My brain is filled with a bunch of information, a lot of it may or may not be considered useless.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Yeah, my birthday was last Tuesday. I managed to stretch the festivities from a week before to the weekend after. Best birthday I've had in a while.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Sounds good. I get to spend my birthday in Philidelphia on business.
    Happy belated.

    ReplyDelete
  94. I'd love to sit down with you and have a back and forth discussion on said things. I lean left but have slowly found myself agreeing with the moderate conservatives lately. Time to start reading Huff post again I guess...

    ReplyDelete
  95. Where can you even find a "moderate conservative"?

    ReplyDelete
  96. But since Vince will own TNA in a few months, Bound For Glory will be the name of a very special episode of "Superstars" on WWE.com.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Um, HBK is a much smaller draw than HHH. HHH is one of the highest drawing heels in wrestling history. HBK's best numbers are nowhere near comparable to HHH's best numbers.

    And during their parallel '90s peaks, HBK was a lesser draw than Bret as well (who, according to Meltzer, is a much lesser draw than HHH by the way).

    ReplyDelete
  98. Yea, I'm not gonna open this can of worms. Guess it depends on your views of "moderate".

    ReplyDelete
  99. Here's a thought- last night's RAW justifies the approach they've taken with Bryan. By not trapping Bryan in the role of "the face of the WWE" but letting his meteoric rise touch other wrestlers, he's given off so much rub that there's a 12-man Survivor Series match that people WANT TO SEE (or at least did want to see last night). The Wyatt Family and the Shield did their part, and Punk was fantastic, but Bryan's the glue of the whole thing. Before last night, the idea of a 12-man match made me sick to my stomach; now, I want to see the 12-man match badly.

    Of course, putting him in three hopeless matches against Orton wasn't good business. But let him work on this feud, and then tell the story of him getting the belt at WM.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Also significant but understated: It was Bryan's music, and not Punk's, that played when the babyfaces stood in the ring victorious.

    ReplyDelete
  101. He's the top villain. When you're missing your top villain, the show feels less important.

    ReplyDelete
  102. For the early 2000s (post Mania 18), my PPV ordering was limited to Mania and Rumble every year, and sometimes Survivor Series and/or Summerslam.


    Then when Rock came back in 2011 and Summer of Punk happened, a buddy of mine got sucked back into watching so since then we've been splitting PPVs together, and probably have ended up ordering about 7-8 a year for the last few years. (And going to Survivor Series 2011, TLC 2012, and Mania 29.) So while I'm not buying all 13 shows a year, I feel comfortable that I'm spending wayyy more than enough on WWE to voice my opinion on the quality of their PPVs and storylines.


    As for the few I don't order, I'll usually find them online and watch before (a DVR'ed and heavily fast forwarded through) Raw the next evening.


    Note: Zero chance I'm ordering Survivor Series this year. Won't spend a dime on a shitty Big Show title main event.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Yeah but I don't think Roman Reigns or Cody Rhodes or anyone currently in NXT is either. And I know for a fact Randy Orton isn't and HHH wasn't.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Man, this Chris Walker guy has been getting around since that post last week

    ReplyDelete
  105. Ooh! Ooh! Can I come for the discussion, too?

    ReplyDelete
  106. Exactly. Now can we please get back to discussing important stuff like turning John Cena heel?

    ReplyDelete
  107. I get your point but tagging against the wyatts is a lateral move from team hell no

    ReplyDelete
  108. Chris Walker would be bitter at Vince ignoring real talent....

    ReplyDelete
  109. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8OxKx6zKkQ

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  110. I didn't steal it! Scott gave it to me because its what's best for business.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Yep, and Flair should have dropped the NWA/WCW title to him in 1991 as well.

    ReplyDelete
  112. They probably just saw a chance to avoid paying another royalty fee to Living Colour.

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  113. When, exactly, was HHH a huge draw? When he was third-banana for Austin and Rock? Or when he pissed away all the viewership those two had built up during his Reign of Terror from 2002-2005? Sure, he was a decent draw (or at least merch-mover) again in 06-2010... but only after they reunited him with HBK.


    Stop drinking the cool aid. The only one who thinks HHH was a top level draw is HHH.

    ReplyDelete
  114. I think they should showcase the NXT talent in a 4-on-4 or 5-on-5 match.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryNovember 12, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    I do, or at least I used to when I was home on Sunday nights.

    ReplyDelete
  116. I can't tell well the sarcasm stops and the reality starts

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  117. Who now can't make rent because of it

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  118. What you don't seem to realize is that I'm not arguing that HHH is some huge megastar in general. I'm arguing (correctly, by the way) that he's a bigger star/draw than HBK, which he indisputably is by a fair distance. Also, the irony of your comment is hilarious, and I'll address that step-by-step (or rather quote-by-quote):

    "When, exactly, was HHH a huge draw? When he was third-banana for Austin and Rock?"

    Well, yes. "Huge" is relative, but HHH in the Attitude Era (especially in 2000) was far bigger than HBK has ever been. He was a bigger draw as the third biggest star of the (second half of the) Attitude Era than HBK was as the top guy a few years earlier.

    "Or when he pissed away all the viewership those two had built up during his Reign of Terror from 2002-2005?"

    Again, not huge, but definitely a bigger draw than HBK at any point in the latter's career. Losing all those viewers is a knock against HHH when comparing him to Rock and Austin (although the business was already on a downswing prior to their departures), not when comparing him to HBK, who did far worse numbers as the top guy in the '90s than Trips has ever done.

    "Sure, he was a decent draw (or at least merch-mover) again in 06-2010… but only after they reunited him with HBK."

    I'd love to see where you got your info for the two's merch sales and how they compare, because I doubt HBK was pushing as much merch as Trips.

    "Stop drinking the cool aid. The only one who thinks HHH was a top level draw is HHH."



    And this is where the hilarious irony comes in. It's hilarious because the WWE's Kool-aid has people like yourself convinced that HBK was some huge star when he's one of the worst drawing top guys in WWF history (his '96 WWF title run got the worst ratings in RAW history and the company nearly went out of business when he was on top, something that was never a concern during HHH's time on top).


    The WWE overrates HHH from a talent standpoint, while they overrate Shawn from a stardom standpoint. Trips (not Michaels) is the biggest star in the Kliq by a long shot, and the closest to reaching the "Icon" status that HBK's been laughably given despite how badly he historically drew.


    HHH being a bigger draw/star than Michaels isn't a matter of opinion, it's a concrete fact, regardless of your opinion of both guys.

    ReplyDelete
  119. If you want to see these posts stop, the only way to make it happen is to stop posting comments on them.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Sure, D-Bry posts get people to participate, but do they click ads?


    The only proven draws are Benoit and Montreal conspiracy theories,

    ReplyDelete
  121. I mean, you're ignoring a lot of the other factors, here. I don't wanna end up writing a dissertation here, but a few quick points:


    *Shawn, when on top of the promotion, consistently out-performed the previous champs ('96 Diesel/Bret, '97 Sid, '97 Bret) in terms of drawing power/viwership, and was pretty unanimously considered to be the only thing keeping WWE afloat in '96. Sure, the WWE in general was in a slump then, but that's not on Shawn so much as it's on WCW and the total lack of other top shelf talent in WWE. On the flip side, when Hunter was the focal point of the promotion in 02-05, he was basically hemorrhaging viewers.


    *I don't know who was drawing more merch individually in '06-'10, I just know that DX was second to Cena in merch for most of that span, whereas prior to the reunion it had been (if memory serves) Edge and Batista.


    *Triple H has been on our TVs a lot lately, and many of those weeks have been dramatically down from the last few years. Just worth thinking about.


    *Being the third biggest drawing guy of a boom era is a lot less impressive, IMO, then being the most drawing guy of a down era. Nobody cares about the bronze medal.

    ReplyDelete
  122. BeardMoney is funny like that.

    ReplyDelete