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BoD RAW

This has nothing to do with the WWE






With BoD Payback less than one week away, what other matches will be added to the card?


After becoming the number one contender last week, what will Jobber123 have to say to the BoD Nation? Is his hard times coming to an end at BoD Payback


Are the any problems with the alliance between Parallax1978 & Officer Farva? Guess we will find out tonight as they face the Tag Team Champions, Adam Curry & Kyle Warne in a title match!


Speaking of the Tag Team Division, there will be a three-way match tonight to determine the #1 contender as we will see the Upper Midcard Express vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder vs. Curtis Williams & theberzerker1


The last two opening round matches of the “BoD Solid B+ Player Championship” will happen tonight, with JoeDust vs. DavidBonzaiSaldanaMontgomery and CabsPaintedYellow vs. PrimeTime Ten


Also, will Stranger in the Alps accept the offer made by Tommy Hall for the BoD Writer’s Championship? Is $400 in illegitimate e-book currency and $2 off a “pick two” at Panera Bread enough to sway the champion?


After using the Hoss to destroy Nebb28 last week, what does GM Bayless have in store for the Midcard Mafia? And, is the Hoss working with the GM?


How is Mar Solo dealing with the Unstable inside of his head? It will not get any better this week as he will face off against the “Master of the Downvote,” Gideon Stargrave.


And we will see Abeyance1 & thebraziliankid as they come home from their trip. Will Abeyance prove to us again that he is racist? I would bet on it with everything I own.


All this and the details of the BoD Payback Preshow Battle Royal on………………


BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Opening Round
BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Tournament
JoeDust vs. DavidBonzaiSaldanaMontgomery

DBSM was warming up the crowd with jokes before the show and let’s just say there are no more tomatoes left in the arena. DBSM shows off his strength by bending a steel bar, which obviously does not impress Joe Dust. He then shows off his two “BoD Fantasy Football League of Doom Championships” and that does not impress him either. What does impress Joe Dust? We need Wade Michael Meltzer to investigate. After going back and forth for a bit, DBSM catches Joe Dust in a powerslam. DBSM goes to work and is not letting up. Joe reverses an Irish whip and comes back with a Yakuza kick. Joe is pounding away on DBSM in the corner then uses an overhead suplex for a nearfall. Joe bounces off of the ropes but DBSM rolls away from an elbow drop. He gets up and stomps Joe then gets two with a DDT. DBSM picks up Joe, who floats over, then runs into a clothesline. Joe then picks up DBSM and uses the Final Cut for the win. Even after victory, Joe remains unimpressed. 


Bayless comes to the ring and announces that the winner of the preshow battle royal at BoD Payback will receive his own talk-show segment for BoD RAW. He then announces the 20 competitors:

Zanatude
Todd "Hoss" Lorenz
Abeyance1
thebraziliankid
Bobby
James
YJ2310
Dancin' Devin Harris
Andrew Dean
Scotty Flamingo
Juvydriver
SpicolliDriver
Dan Selby
Kyle Fitta
MikeyMike2323
C.O. Jones
Worst in the World
Logan Scisco
Andy PG
Dr. Facts

What a battle royal!!!!!!!  One of these competitors is going to have their own talk show RIGHT HERE ON BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Opening Round
BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Tournament
PrimeTime Ten vs. Cabspaintedyellow

PrimeTime Ten comes down to the ring with Beard Money’s red bandana that he stole from grandma last week on BoD RAW tied around his right wrist. Cabs is a solid BoD veteran and an all around jam-up guy. Everytime he goes to the store, he makes sure to donate $1 to whatever cause is in need. And I think he once wrote a review for “How I Met Your Mother.” Time Magazine, I have just found your 2014 Man of the Year. Cabs catches PrimeTime with a kick to the gut as he is not happy over the fact that Beard Money is injured and out. Later in the show, we will post the P.O. Box where you can write him a get-well letter. Cabs misses a charge in the corner and PrimeTime takes control and is now mocking Beard Money by performing a cartwheel and a jig in comedic fashion. PrimeTime sets up Cabs for an elbow drop but misses and Cabs fights back. He is digging deep....like he does into his pockets so he can donate to Easter Seals, and hitting PrimeTime back with everything he can. Cabs busts out a slingshot suplex but that cannot put away PrimeTime. Cabs climbs up top but PrimeTime cuts him off and lifts him on his shoulders for the electric chair drop and gets the win and will move on to the semi-finals to take on JoeDust at BoD Payback.


And now, here is the address to send your get well cards to Beard Money:

Get Well Beard Money
BoD Corporate Offices
P.O. Box 0.1
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan SLH OA4


Bayless is again in the ring. He tells the Midcard Mafia that if they interfere in his match against Nebb28, they will have hell to pay and it will make parking cars look like a walk in the park. He says that at BoD Payback, extra security will be around. The Midcard Mafia are not here and are paying Tribute to the Troops tonight.



Backstage, Parallax is asking Farva if he is ready for tonight. Farva assures him that he is and goes back over to Jobber123 as Parallax is skeptical of his partner's abilities for tonight.


The Unstable are in the ring. Jesse tells Mar Solo that he will expose him at BoD Payback. Jesse says that he will expose Mar Solo of all his sins and after BoD Payback, Mar Solo will be nothing more than a manservant.


Gideon Stargrave vs. Mar Solo

Mar Solo looks bored as he walks down the aisle. He gets in the ring and Gideon refuses to hand over his fly swatter to the referee. Well, what's his fucking problem..........oh yeah, he is mental. Gideon is beating himself with a flyswatter as Mar Solo is standing back, letting Stargrave continue his self-injurous behaviors. Gideon finally stops and is now drooling then Mar Solo hits him with a clothesline then covers and that gets the win. Luckily for Mar Solo, Stargrave softened himself up. Elvy Landa and Jesse Baker grill Mar Solo as Steve Stennick is yelling at all of the "Smarks." White Coat Security drag away Gideon, presumably for some more medications. Jesse now challenges Mar Solo to a match at BoD Payback. Mar Solo accepts then leaves, because the UNSTABLE ARE CLEARLY INSIDE OF MAR SOLO'S HEAD.


Wade Michael Meltzer is on location at the airport, where Abeyance1 & thebraziliankid are about to head back home so they can prepare for BoD Payback. Here is what we have recorded:

BrazilianKid: Disney World was fun
Abeyance: It is
BrazilianKid: I got to ride Space Mountain just like Ric Flair. I don't get the big deal though. It is just a roller coaster in the dark.
Abeyance: It hurt my neck and my butt is sore from the seat
BrazilianKid: Woooooo!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: Wooooooooo!!!!!!
BrazilianKid: We have to fly back home now because we have to be at BoD Payback this Sunday
Abeyance: BoD Payback is at my house?
BrazilianKid: I don't know. I have never been to your house
Abeyance: You can come over if you want
BrazilianKid: Okay. That way, we do not have to travel far for BoD Payback
Abeyance: But I dont know if BoD Payback is at my house
BrazilianKid: I don't know either
Abeyance: What don't you know, I thought you wanted to come over
BrazilianKid: I do but I do not know where BoD Payback is
Abeyance: Where is it?
BrazilianKid: I don't know
Abeyance: I'm confused
BrazilianKid: I thought you were Abeyance?
Abeyance: I am
BrazilianKid: I'm not
Abeyance: I know
BrazilianKid: Me too
Abeyance: I thought you were BrazilianKid?
BrazilianKid: I am
Abeyance: Not me though, I am Abeyance
BrazilianKid: I know
Abeyance: Your name is know? You are confusing me

(voice over loudspeaker says that it is time to board the flight)


Buck Nasty is back where it all began, Chang O’Reilly’s. He is chilling in a corner booth, surrounded by hoes. But that is not all as he has a message for us:

On June 1st, I will set out to prove that my Win-a-Date Battle Royal win was no fluke. When Buck Nasty was born, he was not created to lose, he was created to win and at BoD Payback, I will extend my streak of wins to two when I destroy that young punk, Archie Stackhouse, then go to the Cellular Twat for my after party. Then, I will make it rain on them hoes here, there, and everywhere.


Curtis Williams & theberzerker1 vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder vs. Upper Midcard Express

The BoD has never seen a Tag Team Division with so much depth. Meekin starts off the match with Curtis Williams and puts him in an abdominal stretch, showing off what a week and a half of DDP Yoga can do for you. Williams escapes and bounces off of the ropes but Petuka makes a blind tag. William bounces off of Meekin but turns around and eats a dropkick. Petuka tags kbjone and they double team the Master of the QOTD. Meekin is able to prevent a double suplex from taking place and makes his way to his partner for the tag. White Thunder does the Flair strut but takes too much time and gets attacked by kbjone. He stays on the attack but theberzerker1 tags himself and goes after kbjone. Williams & theberzerker1 double-team kbjone in the corner as the referee finally steps in-between. Williams tags and hits a backbreaker then gets a few nearfalls as kbjone desperately needs to make a tag. He softens him up some more then tags Williams and they use a double slingshot suplex but White Thunder makes the save then gets into a shoving match with theberzerker1. The referee steps in between them but Meekin attacks kbjone from behind. The ref turns around and Meekin tags himself in at the expense of Williams and starts overpowering kbjone, who really needs to make a tag. Meekin slams kbjone and sets up for the splash but thank the lord kbjone rolled out of the way and both men are down. Meekin is stunned as kbjone tries to make the tag but White Thunder cuts him off and Petuka has had enough and he goes after White Thunder as the match has broken down. Williams and theberzerker come into the ring with chairs and start swinging away as the ref has had enough and signals for the DQ. GM Bayless now comes out after they have settled down and announces that since a number one contender was not determined tonight, at BoD Payback, we will have a Fatal Fourway Match under TLC rules, with the winner of tonight's title match facing all three of these teams!!!!!! The fans go nuts over that announcement. BOMBSHELL DROPPED.


The BoD Writer’s Champion, Stranger in the Alps, heads down to the ring. He is here for one reason and it is not plugging his 1977 WWF House Show review. It is to answer Tommy Hall's offer for his BoD Writer's Champion:

You know, thinking about e-book money 24 hours a day, can make you a little goofy. I thought about how it would turn my life around if I had $400 and $2 off a Pick Two at Panera Bread. I could have a new bicycle in my garage, I could feed my family. Accepting the offer from Tommy Hall would make all this possible. I would never have to fight for anything again. Accepting this offer from Hall would change a few other things. All the Little Strangers that aren't as physically capable as me, I could help them out. All the Little Strangers that aren't mentally right on the money....I could help them out too. Oh yeah, accepting this offer from the e-book money man, would change my life completely. *takes off the BoD Writing Championship belt and holds it in my hands in front of me* Thinking about all that, thinking about all the Little Strangers, how easy it would be. On behalf of all the Little Strangers and myself, I'm going to have to tell Tommy Hall.......
.......HELL NOOOOOOOO! Tommy Hall, if you want the BoD Writer's Championship title, COME TAKE IT FROM ME WHEN WE FACE OFF AT BoD PAYBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



BoD Tag Team Title Match
Officer Farva & Parallax1978 vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne (Champions)

Farva is trailing Parallax down the aisle, texting away on his cell phone. I wonder what he is doing. Parallax starts out with Warne and backs him into the corner. Parallax breaks cleanly then slaps Warne in the face. Warne is pissed but Parallax ducks outside to piss him off. Parallax orders the referee to back Warne up as he enters the ring and he does. Parallax returns and stalls for a bit. He then has Warne chase him until Farva decks him with a forearm smash. Farva tags and lands a few punches but Warne ducks a clothesline and comes back with a leg lariat. He takes down Farva with a rana and tags Curry as they double-team Farva for a bit. Curry hits Farva with a brainbuster and that gets two. Curry then picks him up again but Farva rolls him up in a small package for two. Farva then hits Curry low and the ref rings the bell for the DQ. Warne comes in and goes after Farva but Parallax whacks him with a chair from behind. Farva grabs a chair and they beat the champs. Parallax has stopped and grabs the mic:

Cut the music! First, enough with this Tag Team Wrestling and wife-fucking bullshit. I am here for one thing, the BoD Heavyweight Championship. And I am not going to stop until the belt is around my waist. And the rest of the BoD locker room better be listening to this. First, anyone who steps in my way of the title will be destroyed and second, get rid of your cable. Cultstatus, Jobber, Vinson, or whoever else who has the strap, I am taking it from you and never giving it up as I am....................Parallax and you can go shit in your hat. 



And now, vote on what time you want BoD RAW to air going forward:

http://poll.pollcode.com/25714445



We see that 1995 Infinity heading down to the ring and out from the window comes Jobber123, sporting a warm Fruitopia and a Todd Fuller throwback, slumming it like it is his private school days. Out next is our beloved BoD Heavyweight Champion, Cultstatus, who proudly sports the championship belt over his shoulder. These two will face off in yet another main event Championship match this coming Sunday at BoD Payback. GM Bayless is out here, backed with White Coat Security as both men sign the contract. Jobber goes to speak but Cultstatus cuts him off. He tells Jobber that no amount of post-whoring can help him win this title and calls his alliance with Parallax1978 and Officer Farva pathetic. Jobber speaks up and says that he didn’t need anyone to overcome getting made fun of in private school and certainly doesn’t need anyone below him in the top 5 helping him out or even addressing him at all. Cultstatus points at the title over his shoulder as Jobber smirks. Cultstatus then taunts him some more with the belt and lays it on the mat, telling Jobber to come and get it, waving him on with his finger. Jobber moves slowly towards the champ as White Coat Security moves ahead and forms a wall in the middle of the ring. Jobber retreats and heads back but turns around and runs and leaps over White Coat Security and knocks the champ through the ropes. Jobber climbs out and starts hammering away on the BoD Champion. He slides out of the ring and grabs a chair but Cult blocks as Jobber swings then pushes him away. Cult runs and clotheslines Jobber over the guardrail, going over with him. Cult drags Jobber through the crowd but Officer Farva and Parallax are there and they attack Cultstatus from behind. They take Cultstatus and slam him on the floor and are wailing away on our champion. But look at this, Jef Vinson comes out and takes out both men!! He is swinging away as he has been the target of these two for weeks. As the #1 commentor and BoD Money on the Table Briefcase holder makes him a marked man. Vinson fights off both guys until Jobber hits him from behind. It's a three-on-two attack but now a masked man appears with a bat. He stops and looks, then takes out Farva. He then whacks Parallax and Jobber. He takes on these three but now White Coat Security finally makes it way to the crowd and breaks things up. WHO IS THIS MASKED MAN? JUST SIX DAYS AWAY UNTIL BoD PAYBACK, 6:05 EST THIS SUNDAY!!!!! BE THERE...................OR NOT




BoD Payback Lineup

Jobber vs. Cultstatus for the BoD Heavyweight Championship

Officer Farva vs. Parallax1978 vs. Jef Vinson

Curtis Williams & theberzerker1 vs. White Thunder & Paul Meekin vs. Upper Midcard Express vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne in a TLC Match for the Tag Team Titles

Tommy Hall vs. Stranger in the Alps for the BoD Writer’s Championship

Nebb28 vs. Brian Bayless for Ownership of Nebb28’s Pet Rock

Mar Solo vs. Jesse Baker

WWF1987 vs. Hart Killer 09 in a BoD Solid B+ Player Semi-final match

Joe Dust vs. PrimeTime Ten in a BoD Solid B+ Player Semi-final match

Archie Stackhouse vs. Buck Nasty

And the 20 man Preshow “Win-a-Talk Show” Battle Royal

Comments

  1. *All Abeyance/brazillian kid dialogue written by Brian Michael Bendis

    ReplyDelete
  2. If I win the talk show segment, I promise many angry rants about the most requested subject.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh crap.....Me or my tag parter is gonna win aren't we?

    ReplyDelete
  4. It was last minute.


    Any suggestions?

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  5. "Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!"

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  6. CURTZERKER's GONNA KILL YOU.

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  7. Listen here boys, while you guys have been fighting each other for the past 3 weeks, the Kid and I have been resting and ready to strike. Face it, we are the most over team on the roster. It's no surprise that we should get the show. This time, we won't lose, because the Kid's family won't be at ring side so I won't worry about getting confused. Then, when it's all said and done, the real, winner will be crowned. And then next Monday, I can assure you, you will see the debut of the new show, "Ramble Talk", starring the one and only ABeyAnce1 and his partner, the BrazilianKid!

    ReplyDelete
  8. We have moved past the wife fucking.

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  9. PAUL MEEKIN, WE COMIN FOR YOU NI**A.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Stranger in the AlpsMay 26, 2014 at 8:50 PM

    I based my promo on Hogan's when he declined DiBiase's offer to buy the championship. I thought it worked pretty good.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That was good

    ReplyDelete
  12. Is that a good or a bad reference?

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  13. "HUSS? HUSS!" -Huss.

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  14. Nobody should ever use a line that George Costanza failed with.

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  15. Gary The Rock Star's #1 FanMay 26, 2014 at 8:56 PM

    Really Brian Bayless? Left off again? What do you have against me son? Afraid I'll expose the truth???

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm surprised there wasn't more Steve "Shame of Madison County" Stennick

    ReplyDelete
  17. You'll be put in the tag ranks soon enough.

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  18. Stevie has a push coming up

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  19. This crowd is ready to go home

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  20. Sonic is fine. The pitchmen are lame.

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  21. well, they're not going to switch over to WWE RAW, no matter what they think of BoD RAW...

    ReplyDelete
  22. F'N Body Slams - Dan SelbyMay 26, 2014 at 9:06 PM

    Holy shit, i'm in the preshow battle royal.


    I'll be sure to make a horribly unimpressive debut, and don a generic attire, with absolutely no clue of how my character should portray himself in the big leagues.

    ReplyDelete
  23. You are looking at teaming with fellow countryman Andrew Dean in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  24. (Note: The following promo aired on the BOD App from the parking lot. 3 people tuned in, doubling the rating from the previous segment.)


    "The trees are reflected in the sun-drenched car windshields on the streets of this paradise. The children run free, laughing and playing in this innocent haven, this throwback to small town America. Father kiss the cheeks of the mothers before they leave for work each day. This is bliss! This....is Riverdale.


    I didn't need my dreams to see this place, Buck Nasty - I had my own eyes to witness it. But there was no place for me on that street, in that town, in that world. I observed it all, passing by the cellar windows that was my only link to that outside world, the cellar windows of The Winfield Dungeon, where Caliber trained me to take revenge on those that wronged him.


    'Look out there', he would tell me with a combination of tears in his eyes and a laugh underneath his voice. 'Look at them! You'll never belong to them. You belong to me, Archie Stackhouse. I can bring you to them. I can bring you up from the darkness to that light!'


    I worked for the light for years, Buck Nasty. I sweat and bled for the light, Buck Nasty. I broke bones in ways that you can't imagine in the Winfield Dungeon for the light, Buck Nasty. I stifled my cries for mercy in the face of unspeakable torment and pain for the light, Buck Nasty. Every pore of my body aches for it, for Riverdale.


    I WILL bring you to my Riverdale, Buck Nasty. Your light-hearted shenanigans are good for a chuckle in the world of the BOD, but Riverdale is my world, Buck Nasty. You may laugh at Archie Stackhouse, but dismissing me is the worst mistake of your short and soon-to-be ended career. You are but a cobblestone to be tread upon as I make my way up the road of my Riverdale. You are....nothing to me.


    Tommy Hall, you're next. Buck Nasty, you're just the first. Welcome back to the parking lot, Buck Nasty - you'll be able to park closer to the BOD arena once I cripple you. Watch what I do to Buck Nasty, Tommy Hall, and be happy that it will all be over soon - soon, I will bring you to the light, Tommy Hall. You'll join Buck Nasty on the streets of Riverdale, where I'm sure you can muster up enough strength in your mangled hands to wave when I walk past.


    For Caliber.


    Welcome to hell, Buck Nasty. Welcome.....to Riverdale."

    ReplyDelete
  25. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:08 PM

    Heh.


    While you losers were down in your basements snacking on paint chips and trying to hide that sock you like to jerk off in from your mothers I've been behind the scenes making power moves. Just because I wasn't on the show doesn't mean anything. When you don't see me is when you SHOULD be afraid.


    See I don't whine when I'm not on the show, because the ratings will reflect that I AM the show. Just watch. Tomorrow Commissioner Bayless will be begging me to come back because the show dropped a full ratings point and continued to plummet when the mouth-breathers saw that I wasn't on it. WWE stock was worth more than BoD RAW was in that final hour.


    But don't worry. I'll be back, and the genetic defects that comprise the BoD Superstars won't stop my plans. It's chess not checkers bitch.


    ..oh and Cult. *rubs briefcase* just remember. watch your back. Your title isn't safe. None of them are.


    And in the time it took for you to read this your day became that much better. You're welcome.


    Time for American Dad, fuckboys. I'm out.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Can I do a backstage beatdown and steal your spot?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:11 PM

    Don't forget your mullet haircut.

    ReplyDelete
  28. With a singlet and no pads

    ReplyDelete
  29. No, the advertisers said we could not

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  30. My degree is actually in creative writing. This is the most creative output I have these days, so I'm enjoying it, I won't lie. Thanks for the compliment, Jeff. I just wish I were funnier.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:12 PM

    No problem. The serious tone of it is more compelling.

    ReplyDelete
  32. F'N Body Slams - Dan SelbyMay 26, 2014 at 9:15 PM

    Oh now that's just cruel.


    At least give me the opportunity to live my dream and have an awesome lack of entrance and already be in the ring!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I see Abeyance has finally cracked the top 5.

    ReplyDelete
  34. THE BOYHOOD DREAM... HAS COME TRUE!

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  35. F'N Body Slams - Dan SelbyMay 26, 2014 at 9:15 PM

    Already kinda growing the mullet, and i'm sure I can sort out a black set of underpants and a black vest tucked in to them.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Don't worry, you will be present as the Timekeeper for BoD Payback

    ReplyDelete
  37. *Holds up poster drawn by children at a sick kids hospital and stares at the camera for 30 seconds.*

    I love you too.

    *leaves*

    ReplyDelete
  38. I knew I should've brought the bubble machine.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:19 PM

    Just to follow up, here are the belts that we have so far for the BoD:

    BoD World Championship (Held by Cultstatus):
    http://oi62.tinypic.com/2qvwd55.jpg

    BoD Writers Championship - AKA the "Paper Champion (Held by Stranger in the Alps):
    http://oi59.tinypic.com/dvh4dg.jpg



    The Solid B+ Players title will be revealed at the end of the tournament.


    No one cares about tag team wrestling.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I'll think about it, but it's not really my strength

    ReplyDelete
  41. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:22 PM

    That's what she said.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:25 PM

    I'll make tag belts...but no one cares.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yeah, I need a life.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I care Jef, I care

    ReplyDelete
  45. Can I dig it out of the tash, Jim Duggan style?

    ReplyDelete
  46. And you get a BoD NXT name of.........................Garth Holmberg, Corporate Custodian

    ReplyDelete
  47. Always love that last line.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Sounds promising. Can I have a love interest that's really a dirty mop?

    ReplyDelete
  49. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:28 PM

    Actually so do I. You've put more emphasis in tag wrestling than any of the North American promotions in the last 3 years.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Are you and Rock Star Gary the same guy?

    ReplyDelete
  51. When was the last time someone came for you? Have you ever went after someone? Something something pro wrestling something poop something?

    ReplyDelete
  52. That works. We can call it.........................Molly the Mop

    ReplyDelete
  53. BoD Worldwide is being considered as a new program for the "B" squad and I need someone to put over Stan Ford and Biscuit! so..........

    ReplyDelete
  54. I can see one of 6 guys winning the battle royal.

    ReplyDelete
  55. And..................

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  56. I've been busting my ass for ten years trying to get where I want to be, but due to all the political BS I've been stuck in pre-show Battle Royal hell. I ain't out here to whine and cry, I'm just serving notice to every one of the BoD superstars in the back, my time is coming and I'm not just going to walk through the door, I'm gonna kick that sumbitch to the ground!


    I've got a list and as far as I'm concerned, you're all on it so DTA and watch your sorry asses, and that's the bottom line. Because I said so.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Bayless, I'm not going away. That's right Im Mr Top 13 again and I want to be inserted into that WWF1987/Hart Killer match as the special ref....

    If you do not grant my wish, I will have to do things in a different way, a way you wont appreciate. Come Payback, 13 will not be lucky for 87.....

    ReplyDelete
  58. It could be Harris, Hoss, Tude, Facts, Kid, or me.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Great, just what this show needed, a second rate Stone Cold ripoff....

    You gonna try to shoot beer out of a Zamboni for an encore....

    ReplyDelete
  60. THE WIN-A-TALK SHOW BATTLE ROYAL IS HEATING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  61. That real cute, I'll remember that when I toss you over the top rope.

    ReplyDelete
  62. A future feud maybe?

    ReplyDelete
  63. You better start begging for some mercy right now, because you ain't got a snowball's chance in hell son. You aren't anything to me but another piece of trash in my way.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMay 26, 2014 at 9:38 PM

    I would expect that kind of behavior from 'lax, but Farva, YOU, of all people, is going to go downstairs on me? That's fucked up. And just a warning, last bitch that hit me in the nuts came away with a broken eye socket and 3 less teeth.


    See you at the PPV... It will be the last time anyone sees you, Farva.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Not giving Mr Top 13 a chance eh? Come Payback, I wont be horsing around, I might not win but I will see to it that ABeyAnce1 comes up empty...

    The last thing the BOD needs is ABeyAnce1 having his own talk show, a second rate Miz TV that wont be best for business....

    ReplyDelete
  66. Gee, Bayless, THANKS. I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel in this business for a long time, and the only thanks I get for it is a little pity slot in a Battle Royal with a bunch of curtain jerkers every four weeks?

    Well lemme tell you the REAL truth. I am sick and tired of the white man, keeping a guy like me off the card

    ReplyDelete
  67. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:39 PM

    Desperate cries for attention from a non- Top 5er. This is new for ABeyAnce.and he has to get used to it.

    ReplyDelete
  68. If I can rise from the abyss that is the BoD midcard to the top 5 in a little over 6 months, imagine what I can do to you and everyone else in the ring in a little over 6 minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  69. "I would expect that kind of behavior from 'lax"

    DAMN!

    ReplyDelete
  70. I jobbed to a guy that takes baths before Raw. Well, break out the bath salts cause I will avenge that loss. I was cheated out of my victory....

    ReplyDelete
  71. CAN HE HANDLE THE FAME?


    WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO FARVA'S KEY TO THE TOP 5 LOUNGE?


    TUNE INTO BoD RAW TO FIND OUT

    ReplyDelete
  72. Have you seen me and the Kid? We are one of the most over segments on the show.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMay 26, 2014 at 9:41 PM

    There's the obvious angle with me and you just waiting under the surface.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Oh, you can rest assured you will be kept down. Come Payback, you will be sent back to the minor leagues son. Last thing we need in the BOD is some weekend warrior....

    ReplyDelete
  75. Abey confirmed for throwing 7590324809328409324032 things at the wall until one thing sticks and calls himself entertaining.

    ReplyDelete
  76. THIS FEUD IS TOO HOT FOR THE BoD

    ReplyDelete
  77. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:42 PM

    Farva had his cup of coffee as a Top 5'er.

    ReplyDelete
  78. I can see a new feud, Bayless vs the undercard.

    ReplyDelete
  79. What happened to him anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  80. Sucking off the Kid's heat. Cena would be proud....

    ReplyDelete
  81. I can work with anyone and maintain my heat.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Taking time off to marry CM Punk....

    ReplyDelete
  83. *The shaky $100 camcorder is at it again, panning through Detroit to see the crappy Honda Civic significantly worse for wear. The camcorder zooms in on a wire leading out the drivers side door, which is followed until it reaches a Wily E Coyote dynamite lever. An audible "Oh my fuck....." is heard from what must be the camera man, as the Voorhees masked dude comes into the shot.*

    "I gave you infinite opportunities Bayless. All I wanted was a VANILLA WRITER in a match. You. Hall. Hell, I would've settled for Scisco, Stranger in the Alps, Paul Meekin or fucking Andy E. I might've even deigned to face the goddamned Masked Reviewer or the random guy who does the comic book articles! But no, you had to hold off my debut to help build hype and inflate the stock price so you could use put options and short sells to line your Armani-coated pockets. Well Bayless, you now have a bigger problem to deal with than a bunch of fucking parking attendants who think they're wrestlers. You now have this."

    *The Voorhees-masked man presses down on the lever AND THE CIVIC BLOWS UP! BAYLESS' BEST FRIENDS' DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND'S COUSIN'S FACEBOOK FRIENDS' EX-LANDLORD'S HONDA CIVIC HAS BEEN COMPLETELY DESTROYED! As flames shoot from the vehicle, the suddenly unsteady camcorder pans to see Voorhees Mask once more.*



    "Give me my match.....or the payback on what I do next is gonna be a REAL bitch.......just like this guy."


    "Wait, wha-OH GOD NO!"


    *Voorhees mask attacks the cameraman! The camcorder falls to the ground, and it shows a brawl between the cameraman and the masked man......BURNING LARIAT! THE CAMERAMAN HAS BEEN COMPLETELY DESTROYED! Voorhees Mask teabags the cameraman as a bunch of Detroit street urchins come out to steal the burning Civic hubcaps! Suddenly, a blue screen with the words NO SIGNAL appear, ending the segment.*

    ReplyDelete
  84. Abey is clearly the Marty Jannetty of his team. Pretty soon he'll be jobbing in goofy tights.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Good thing Tony Garea is retired....

    ReplyDelete
  86. Actual tights with Goofy on em? Disney will be suing the BOD in no time....

    ReplyDelete
  87. I'll lure him into a trap with a trail of coke.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Hey, at least we won a contenders match, you can't say the same.

    ReplyDelete
  89. His moveset lives through me:


    1. jumping side headlock takeover
    2. backdrop
    3. Irish whip your opponent then punch him in the gut
    4. crossbody


    and the most important,


    5. making the boo boo face when you are booked to do the job

    ReplyDelete
  90. Jokes on you, I don't do drug!

    ReplyDelete
  91. I meant a trail of Coca-Cola.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Confirmed for alcoholic.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Caliber better have a payoff soon.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Im pretty sure he jobbed to the horse in the photo and then autographed the photo...

    ReplyDelete
  95. judging by his facial expression, I agree

    ReplyDelete
  96. I blame the booker and the ref for not catching my opponent....

    ReplyDelete
  97. The horse was the one with the better workrate...

    ReplyDelete
  98. I feel aside from mocking Bret Hart I don't have much of a character. So I'll add this - I quote Seinfeld constantly and am also annoyed by little things - for example, at a party a couple of weeks ago, this girl asks me how I'm doing. I said good. I ask her how she's doing. She says great. What's that about? Like she's better than me? Pissed me off. I'm Canadian but I'm anti-Canadian sports, I accuse people I don't like of abusing their wives, I recently stopped seeing a girl because I had a dream she murdered me, before that I stopped seeing a girl because she posted a smiley face on my wall...

    ReplyDelete
  99. C-level championship tournament, Bayless, you better book that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  100. He got fired, remember?

    ReplyDelete
  101. The North American Weekend Live Thread Championship

    ReplyDelete
  102. He sold more

    ReplyDelete
  103. Yeah, that about sums it up.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Mocking Bret totally works for me...

    ReplyDelete
  105. Jef Vinson (Homewreckers Inc™)May 26, 2014 at 9:50 PM

    He just hasn't been on as much I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  106. It feels it might get stale. Is it really a main event gimmick?

    ReplyDelete
  107. Riot list (as in, we riot if we don't get this):

    - If the Kid or Abeyance doesn't win. It's about time one of them get their own official talk/interview segment.
    -If the beloved bot, Maria Marry doesn't make an appearance to flirt with Abeyance
    -If I don't open a can of whoop-butt (can I say that? okay) on Meekin. You hear that--we're coming for you, Meekin! Consider yourself otter-here.
    -If we don't have a new BoD champion
    -If we don't get a Stackhouse-afire with Garea-like headlock takeovers that can only be learned at the BoD performance center.
    -If a garbage truck, rape, or hired assassin doesn't play a part in Baker's match

    ReplyDelete
  108. With a tear in my eye, I can confirm no character deserved a main event run more than you.

    ReplyDelete
  109. he made some antagonistic posts then something about a rap song 5 days ago claiming he was drunk and hasnt been seen since

    ReplyDelete
  110. Looking at the main event scene we have now, in a word.....Absolutely!

    ReplyDelete
  111. But it could be a solid B+ gimmick?

    ReplyDelete
  112. I'm writing that down for my eventual biography. Izzo - May 27th/2014.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Great, I smell a run in. Probably gonna cost me my shot at a talkshow. Now we will get stuck with The Flower Shop V2 starring AbeyAnce1....

    ReplyDelete
  114. 1. TUNE INTO BoD PAYBACK TO FIND OUT
    2. Likely
    3. Something like that but there are long-term plans for the Upper Midcard Express
    4. I have that belt storyline played out through the Fall.
    5. Rookies who go full Garea in their debut are expected to be jobbing to Brian Gutan on BoD Worldwide forever and ever
    6. The advertisers are anti-rape but hired assassin is a possibility.

    ReplyDelete
  115. inb4 Abey sets the BoD record for quickest elimination in a battle royal.


    New Rockers. That's your future brah. Deal with it.

    ReplyDelete
  116. The names Garth Holmberg, and I'm looking to clean up around here.

    ReplyDelete
  117. I feel like my character isn't really defined yet beyond being British. Recently I said to my girl that I wish I could think of a gimmick.


    She pointed out to me that as I'm usually stoned and my initials are 'AVD'*, I should be some sort of terrible RVD imitator. I pointed out I'm not athletic, look nothing like RVD (I kind of resemble Harper Wyatt meets Daniel Bryan meets Tugboat. Toot toot!), and unlike him I'm a pretty good public speaker.


    "You should just not say anything, have a shave and try not to look at the camera too much if you ever get on TV".


    Sometimes it's like living with Jim Herd.


    * stalkers, go wild!

    ReplyDelete
  118. Abeyance will be lucky if he gets to be part of the New Avatars.


    I dunno why, I'm just feeling mean.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Dibiase: "HA HA HA HA! Get ready to face my new Million Dollar Champion... Chilly McFreeze!"
    Bayless: ":("

    ReplyDelete
  120. Man, you're killing it with these, Bayless. Buck Nasty at Chang O'Reilly's actually got me in trouble at work because I laughed out loud in the middle of the staff meeting. Hey, how about me vs the guy that wouldn't shut the fuck up about Flair a couple of threads ago in a "Loser must shut the fuck up match?"

    ReplyDelete
  121. Michael Rubin? He will be part of the show going forward.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Us fighting over a talk show is the equivalent of Edge and Booker T fighting over shampoo, except people will remember the talk show.

    ReplyDelete
  123. They let him bring two cell phones into the strip club again.

    ReplyDelete
  124. That's funny how you'll be thinking about that when you have the quickest elimination record.

    ReplyDelete
  125. I thought your obscure, random, and scathing humor already gave you your gimmick. You're like the William Regal we know, talking about his conjoined twins up in his attic.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Stranger in the AlpsMay 26, 2014 at 10:29 PM

    A Voorhees mask? That, sir, is called a hockey goaltender's mask first and foremost. NHL Hall of Famer Jacques Plante was the innovator of this mask. The movie character Jason Voorhees stumbled upon his version of the mask in Friday the 13th Part III (or Part 3-D when it premiered in 1982) well after Mr. Plante first donned the mask in a hockey game.


    Calling it a Voorhees mask is like calling the Footloose remake from a few years ago a "film".

    ReplyDelete
  127. And you just confirmed how many days are left before you actually win a match in this company!

    ReplyDelete
  128. I JUST GOTTA DANCE, MAN

    ReplyDelete
  129. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Uuh9v-HU4

    ReplyDelete
  130. Bayless, should have given the belts to Farva and Lax. Would have elevated them

    ReplyDelete
  131. FNBS, whereabouts are you in the UK? I'm in the Midlands. If you're in London we could call ourselves the Mid-South Connection! Or, The Legends of Mid-South Wrestling DVD!

    ReplyDelete
  132. And, yo tag champs, to quote Johnny Ace: "If you don't got it, get it. If you don't get it, figure it out."


    Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Don't act all confused.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Channelling Batista like that won't help you when you're dying on air. Channel a better talker. Such as Tugboat. Toot toot!

    ReplyDelete
  134. If I say hockey mask people might assume I wear some painted piece of shit with animals on it for no reason and gaping eyeholes that are questionable at best at preventing face damage from a puck.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Aww, really? Obscure, random and scathing? You've put a smile on my face a mile wide, sir. I think I missed the conjoined twins bit though - on NXT?

    ReplyDelete
  136. Yeah, that guy. Also, why do I feel like Jesse's going to show up with mrobert21 and Chin as The Baker Family at some point?

    ReplyDelete
  137. It was on Raw a few years back. He kind of mumbled it under his breath in a backstage segment--can't remember with whom he was talking (maybe Cena while he was searching for someone). It was a very British or Python-esque thing to do. You're just as funny once you get on a roll.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Stranger in the AlpsMay 26, 2014 at 10:41 PM

    Some people intimidate with hockey masks, others intimidate with their vast proficiency in pop culture.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Could still do better. You need a catchphrase. Try ending all of your posts with, "'Cos I'm just tooooooo fruity!" or something.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Unless you are hosting it....

    ReplyDelete
  141. I don't see you drawing a dime on a show....

    ReplyDelete
  142. Yeah, got to think of a better one.

    ReplyDelete
  143. I think that one works with your Flower Shop show....

    ReplyDelete
  144. Abeyance slips, hits his head, then starts to wear a dress.


    BOOKING IT

    ReplyDelete
  145. You want to say that again? Number 14?

    ReplyDelete
  146. Underestimate Mr Top 13, its when Im at my best....

    ReplyDelete
  147. Kid going to be his Ace Orton...

    ReplyDelete
  148. Don't you underestimate me either # 14.

    ReplyDelete
  149. You'll do fine. You'll think of a great catchphrase! Man, you'll really do well in that talk show segment. ... I sure hope that nobody else in that Battle Royale .... mm, BETRAYS you ...

    ReplyDelete
  150. You know what? Bayless! I don't care what happens this Sunday, but what I want at the next Special Event is a tag team match! I want it to be the Kid and I going toe to toe with Bobby and Y2J10! The winner gets a shot at the tag titles! BOOK THAT!

    ReplyDelete
  151. You're really too kind.

    I found the segment! http://youtu.be/6_M3dGNJIuA?t=2m50s

    That was very funny :) Nice way for Regal to show how uncaring the boss was and keep it funny and original.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Remember it's harder to stay at the top then it is to get there...


    Ya see some of us like being just where we are where you cant see us coming. As fast as you have risen, you will fall even quicker....


    I dont have the comments that the top 5 have but I have been around this yard a long time and Ive seen plenty of Top 5ers come and plenty go. Come Payback, we will see that ABeyAnce1 is simply not ready for any sort of push....


    When I see ABeyAnce1, I am reminded of Randy Orton in the Summer of 2004.....

    ReplyDelete
  153. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontMay 26, 2014 at 10:56 PM

    *Magoonie stands in the middle of the World War II Memorial. The Washington Monument in the foreground. Everything bathed in the night sky*

    I decided to skip tonight's BOD RAW and come here...To the World War II Memorial...it's not that I didn't want to be at RAW...But I needed to be here more....I needed to see this memorial...to men who gave their lives...for something they truely believed in...in a war for the betterment of mankind...I needed to see this sacrifice...that these men made...in war.

    Because that's where I'm headed...that's where the Mid Card Mafia is head...to war! For something we truely believe in....to stop a tyrant...by the name of Brian Bayless....and don't kid yourself Mr. General Manager...this is going to be a WAR! And just like this great war...there will be casualties.

    You see Bayless...the Main Event Mafia and myself...we are ready to make the ultimate sacrifice...we are ready to take it to you as hard as we need to...I'm ready to take this war as far it will go...because we are true believers...can you say the same about yourself...and whoever is unlucky enough to stand with you?

    This will be a war of ATTRITION! You have a greater army...we know that...but we are going to wear you down...we are going to attack...and every sad sack who aligns the self with you...will fall like so many dominos...some of us will probably fall as well...we are prepared for that...but I can guarantee you something....as our army's are laying by our sides...it will be you and me...and when you look up at me...wondering how all this has happened...wondering how a rag tag army of misfits got the better of you...as you look up to me for mercy...waving the symbolic white flag....I will show NONE!

    ReplyDelete
  154. Because you're just toooooooooooooooooooooooooo fruity!

    ReplyDelete
  155. I have to underestimate a fella so caught up in rankings that he isnt worried about the target on his back....

    ReplyDelete
  156. Careful what you wish for...

    ReplyDelete
  157. I dare you to bring it.....

    ReplyDelete
  158. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontMay 26, 2014 at 11:00 PM

    By the way Bayless, great job as always man.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Oh, it's already been brought....

    ReplyDelete
  160. Good job again Bayless.

    ReplyDelete
  161. You better suck up to the booker man, he is the only one that can save you now....

    ReplyDelete
  162. Who says I'm not worried? I'm fully aware of this, I'm ready for the challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  163. And careful what you think will happen...

    ReplyDelete
  164. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontMay 26, 2014 at 11:06 PM

    Thanks man, by the way congrats on Top 5ing it. Is it true? Is the top 5 washroom as beautiful as they say it is?

    ReplyDelete
  165. Oh I know politics are tough to overcome but Bayless doesnt run a predictable McMahon like operation...

    ReplyDelete
  166. It the most beautiful place I've ever seen. Thanks and you gotta get yourself up here. You're missing out.

    ReplyDelete
  167. He's been neglecting the tag champs....

    ReplyDelete
  168. They have the soft toilet paper in there too.

    Here is the top five restroom

    http://www.ezzze.com/luxury-bathroom-design.html/bathroom-with-luxury-bathtub-and-bathroom-decoration-with-candles-luxury-bath-tub

    And the MidCard restroom

    http://blog.thecatsdiary.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Dirty-public-toilet-China.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  169. Not like he has the Road Warriors at the moment, Tag division needs some juiced...

    ReplyDelete
  170. Its all coming together.

    ReplyDelete
  171. And you wonder why the mid card is shitting in the bags of the top 5....

    ReplyDelete
  172. We hired BoD Janitor Garth Holmberg to clean up the situation

    ReplyDelete
  173. I'm not...wait, I'm booked!?

    ReplyDelete
  174. He could have given it to Farva and Lax.
    Unlike McMahon, Bayless knows what's best for business.

    ReplyDelete
  175. Holmberg better get to work, the boys are not happy. I for one am tired of wiping with all of AbeyAnce1's blouses...

    ReplyDelete
  176. Yep, be prepared for the storm that will be Hoss, and the ever growing feud between me and the pairing of Bobby and YJ2310. Get in our way and you'll be gone.

    ReplyDelete
  177. That's fine, I took your cloths too.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Upgrade

    http://www.mcdonaldmodular.com/uploads/gallery/31/103/gallery_resized.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  179. See, now those look better.

    ReplyDelete
  180. Thank God you've been training on that trampoline with the 3lb dumbbells at your sides for the last couple of weeks.

    ReplyDelete
  181. This feud is HEATING UP! The catchphrase HEATING UP is also HEATING UP!

    ReplyDelete
  182. Your_Favourite_Buck_NastyMay 26, 2014 at 11:36 PM

    *superkick*

    who was that?

    ReplyDelete
  183. Hey, this gut doesn;t just bounce itself!

    ReplyDelete

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