Welcome Blog of Doomers! Welcome to Tuesday! Welcome to the Main Event Recap!
Just chill and read...bask in the glow of a United States opening victory in the World Cup tourney...try to pretend that what you saw on RAW was an improvement...
Stuff I liked about RAW:
Go ahead and weigh in. I'm curious.
Otherwise...LET'S DO THIS THING!
We are LIVE(!) from The Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio!
Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips are your guys in the booth.
Rollins is out in the ring. Crowd boos him. Rollins says the crowd is giving him a hard time but they don't even know what he came out here to say. He's here to congratulate Roman for getting into the MITB match...but Reigns wasn't supposed to be in the match. He crossed the Authority to get in. That isn't good. Reigns is a volcano. Rollins says he's the only one who can control Reigns -- and Dean Ambrose.
He says Ambrose is out of control. Without Rollins, he's nuts. The Shield's success is because of him, he says. He says The Shield was "the greatest faction ever", which I'm sure pleases Triple H. But, they were the "greatest" because of him. Rollins shows us clips of him, heel-turning on his friends. Rollins says that the MITB is already set. But he's got a surprise -- there will be ANOTHER ladder match. This will be one for a shot at the champ. Seth is the first entrant. Everyone knows his entrance in the match is what's best for business.
Out comes Ambrose to brand-new music, looking like Brando in On the Waterfront with tank t-shirt and jeans. He tells Rollins not to worry about surviving the ladder match. All he has to do is survive the next ten minutes. With that, he jumps in the ring and attacks Rollins.
BOOM. It's the COO's Favorite Deus Ex Machina, THEDEMONKANE. Ambrose kicks Rollins, kicks Kane, then tosses Rollins at Kane and celebrates. The two try to jump in the ring to ambush but Ambrose, displaying smarts not usually seen in a Face, bails from the ring as Kane and Rollins look on.
Clips of Legends House: The Reunion Show where the old guys finish yelling at each other and then reunite to yell at each other. SUBSCRIBE!
When we come back, Lana's in the ring with Rusev. She wants to show us the "new" Mt. Rushmore which looks like a JibJab card that doesn't sing. Russia will dominate, blah, blah, blah. Rusev gets on the mic. He's a super athlete. You know, they've made about 150 budget cuts. They couldn't cut Rusev and Lana?
Santino's out here to fight for the USA by being from Italy.
MATCH #1: Rusev (w/ Lana) vs. Santino.
Sweet Russian Music. Accolade. Done at 25 seconds.
WINNER: Rusev via Accolade
GRADE: F. Sooooomedaaaay, his feud will come...
Saxton and Phillips discuss the upcoming MITB match.
Wyatt Time.
Harper sees things that aren't there and hears things that aren't said. The only way to make it stop is to make his opponents feel like he feels. Usos, you have what they want. Tick...tock...tick...tock...
Bray calls Sheamus and the Usos "pawns". Like pawns, they will fall.
Follow the buzzards. Sheep mask.
WWEShop commercial.
MATCH #2: Naomi (w/ Cameron) vs. WWE Divas Champion Paige (non-title)
Naomi's out to use her ass as a weapon so it doesn't get rusty. An exchange of roll-ups and pins by both girls. Paige kicks Naomi and puts her in a headlock, then shoulderblocks her off a whip. Naomi hits a nice Monkey Flip. Paige returns the favor. More moves back and forth. Both do The Showstopper Flip to their feet which gets a nice bit of applause from the crowd. Clothesline from Paige. Two count. Paige puts Naomi in an Abdominal Stretch. Naomi finally shifts her weight and tosses Paige down. She hits a nice spine breaker lock, then lets go and turns Paige over, nearly getting a roll-up pin. Paige fights back and the two women collide. Paige gets up and rams knees into Naomi's stomach. Naomi fights back with a kick to the head and a Cross Body but Paige reverses for a close fall. Paige goes for a Paige Turner but Naomi counters into a DDT and gets the win! Time was 5:13.
WINNER: Naomi
GRADE: B-. This was pretty good. Better than the last 87 Diva matches.
G/F: A 'B-'? You're a hard grader.
ME: It's a fucking B-! That's better than what I've been giving!
G/F: If Jesus Christ came down and wrestled, you'd give him a B-, too.
Post-match, Cameron goes nuts, celebrating and Naomi isn't pleased. Paige gets up and nods at Naomi and extends her hand. Cameron steps in front of Naomi and slaps the shit out of Paige. Paige is furious and completely demolishes Cameron in front of Naomi -- who doesn't lift a finger to help.
Naomi stands there as Paige extends her hand. They shake and that's that. The Funkadactyls leave together.
Saxton and Phillips do the RAW Rebound: all the wrestlers out on the ramp for the big announcementwhere the second-to-last spot would be decided by the Battle Royale where Cena would only get a shot if he beat THEDEMONKANE. And he did.
FRIDAY: 4 on 3 Handicap Match - Cesaro, Bray Wyatt, Del Rio, and Orton vs. Roman Reigns, Sheamus and Cena
Renee Young is with The Usos and Sheamus. Sheamus is itchin' for a foight, Fella. Usos are ready to go Uso Crazy. They used the ladders once, they can beat them again. Sheamus says he's bringin' the Luck of The Irish. U-SO. BROGUE. U-SO. BROGUE.
Wyatts are here. Main Event is next.
We're back with clips of the Rollins/Ambrose thing from earlier tonight, so...
THIS FRIDAY: Dean Ambrose will take on Kane.
MATCH #3: The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Usos (Jimmy & Jey) & WWE United States Champion Sheamus
Bray starts with Sheamus. Bray tags Rowan. Sheamus dumps him outside. The Usos hit a flying shouldertackle to him Harper takes his place in-ring. Quick brawl. Sheamus gets the early upper hand and hits a Battering Ram for two. Rowan comes back with headbutts. Tag to Rowan who charges and Sheamus grabs him, hitting a Rolling Senton. Tag to Jimmy who hits some kicks after an initial flurry by Rowan. Jimmy pushes Rowan into the hero corner. Tag To Jey who headlocks Rowan. Rowan counters and snap mares him. After recovering, there's a tag to Harper. Jey tags Jimmy. Irish Whip and Jimmy hits a tackle and an uppercut. Tag to Jey who comes down on Harper's arm. Some shots on Harper and another tag to Jimmy. Harper finally shoves Jimmy away and a tag to Rowan as we go to break.
Jason Momoa IS Roman Reigns in GENERIC WWE BIKER FLICK. Coming to a Bluray Player near you because this thing ain't going to theaters.
Wyatts in control as we come back. Bray gets tagged in and he clotheslines the fuck out of Jey, turning him upside down. Two count. Bray beats on Jey with headbutts in the corner, then hits a huge running clothesline. Tag to Harper who chokes Jey with a boot. Jey fights back but Harper hits a Sitting Powerbomb for two. Tag to Rowan who drops a knee to Jey's head and gets two. Rowan hits a Pump Handle Backbreaker. Two count. Rowan misses a splash and a spear in the corner. Jey makes the hot tag to Sheamus. Harper's in, too. Sheamus hits lariats and the knee lift. He tries the Ten Beats but Harper drops Sheamus's neck on the ropes. He charges but ends up in the Powerslam.
Sheamus calls for the Brogue. Rowan interferes and gets Ten Beats. Sheamus goes for White Noise on Harper but Harper gets out. Tag to Jimmy who Cross Body Drops Harper for two. Rikishi Splash. Two count. Rowan interferes again. He gets dumped. Sweet Uso Music on Harper who tags Bray on the way out of the ring. Jey hits a Flying Uso on Rowan. Jimmy goes for the same but runs right into Bray who hits Sister Abigail and we're done at 11:37.
WINNERS: The Wyatt Family
GRADE: C+. This didn't sway me. It's almost formulaic at this point. And chalk up another loss for the Usos who have to be the weakest tag champs in history.
The Wyatts celebrate as we go off the air.
OVERALL: I'd give it a B-. This wasn't too hard to take. The Divas match was the best thing tonight. I can't believe I just said that.
--
Thank you to all my readers and, hey, if you wanna read more of my stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/.
Just chill and read...bask in the glow of a United States opening victory in the World Cup tourney...try to pretend that what you saw on RAW was an improvement...
Stuff I liked about RAW:
- Josh Matthews, twice, describing Sheamus vs. Bray as "a match happening for the first time ever" even though they faced each other on Main Event a month ago.
- Vickie's really moved up in the world: she's a personal assistant with booking powers which may end up getting her fired. Very impressive career move, considering she was fired the week before.
- Vomit is totally awesome. Like midget matches.
- When it comes to Bo Dallas, Roman Reigns is the "1" in "7 and 1".
- Cena is NOT going to have a chance to compete for a spot in Money in the Bank. He's gonna help out instead. You see, Cena IS going to have a chance to compete for a spot in Money in the Bank. He's the competitor you're looking for. He can go about his business. Move along.
- Power is evil. Power corrupts. Power will be everyone's downfall. If Bray wins, he will...uh...have power which he will use...and, I guess, corrupt himself with...even though he's already corrupted. And evil. And it'll be...uh...his downfall...? So...
- "STARDUST"! A gimmick so epic, fans actually started to cheer for Curtis Axel.
- I really thought Adam Rose was the perfect companion for Goldust. Turns out the WWE doesn't think as I do. But it's cool. It was a great idea to book Fandango, the new Santino Marella, in an ongoing feud, against Adam Rose, the new Fandango.
Go ahead and weigh in. I'm curious.
Otherwise...LET'S DO THIS THING!
We are LIVE(!) from The Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio!
Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips are your guys in the booth.
Rollins is out in the ring. Crowd boos him. Rollins says the crowd is giving him a hard time but they don't even know what he came out here to say. He's here to congratulate Roman for getting into the MITB match...but Reigns wasn't supposed to be in the match. He crossed the Authority to get in. That isn't good. Reigns is a volcano. Rollins says he's the only one who can control Reigns -- and Dean Ambrose.
He says Ambrose is out of control. Without Rollins, he's nuts. The Shield's success is because of him, he says. He says The Shield was "the greatest faction ever", which I'm sure pleases Triple H. But, they were the "greatest" because of him. Rollins shows us clips of him, heel-turning on his friends. Rollins says that the MITB is already set. But he's got a surprise -- there will be ANOTHER ladder match. This will be one for a shot at the champ. Seth is the first entrant. Everyone knows his entrance in the match is what's best for business.
Out comes Ambrose to brand-new music, looking like Brando in On the Waterfront with tank t-shirt and jeans. He tells Rollins not to worry about surviving the ladder match. All he has to do is survive the next ten minutes. With that, he jumps in the ring and attacks Rollins.
BOOM. It's the COO's Favorite Deus Ex Machina, THEDEMONKANE. Ambrose kicks Rollins, kicks Kane, then tosses Rollins at Kane and celebrates. The two try to jump in the ring to ambush but Ambrose, displaying smarts not usually seen in a Face, bails from the ring as Kane and Rollins look on.
Clips of Legends House: The Reunion Show where the old guys finish yelling at each other and then reunite to yell at each other. SUBSCRIBE!
When we come back, Lana's in the ring with Rusev. She wants to show us the "new" Mt. Rushmore which looks like a JibJab card that doesn't sing. Russia will dominate, blah, blah, blah. Rusev gets on the mic. He's a super athlete. You know, they've made about 150 budget cuts. They couldn't cut Rusev and Lana?
Santino's out here to fight for the USA by being from Italy.
MATCH #1: Rusev (w/ Lana) vs. Santino.
Sweet Russian Music. Accolade. Done at 25 seconds.
WINNER: Rusev via Accolade
GRADE: F. Sooooomedaaaay, his feud will come...
Saxton and Phillips discuss the upcoming MITB match.
Wyatt Time.
Harper sees things that aren't there and hears things that aren't said. The only way to make it stop is to make his opponents feel like he feels. Usos, you have what they want. Tick...tock...tick...tock...
Bray calls Sheamus and the Usos "pawns". Like pawns, they will fall.
Follow the buzzards. Sheep mask.
WWEShop commercial.
MATCH #2: Naomi (w/ Cameron) vs. WWE Divas Champion Paige (non-title)
Naomi's out to use her ass as a weapon so it doesn't get rusty. An exchange of roll-ups and pins by both girls. Paige kicks Naomi and puts her in a headlock, then shoulderblocks her off a whip. Naomi hits a nice Monkey Flip. Paige returns the favor. More moves back and forth. Both do The Showstopper Flip to their feet which gets a nice bit of applause from the crowd. Clothesline from Paige. Two count. Paige puts Naomi in an Abdominal Stretch. Naomi finally shifts her weight and tosses Paige down. She hits a nice spine breaker lock, then lets go and turns Paige over, nearly getting a roll-up pin. Paige fights back and the two women collide. Paige gets up and rams knees into Naomi's stomach. Naomi fights back with a kick to the head and a Cross Body but Paige reverses for a close fall. Paige goes for a Paige Turner but Naomi counters into a DDT and gets the win! Time was 5:13.
WINNER: Naomi
GRADE: B-. This was pretty good. Better than the last 87 Diva matches.
G/F: A 'B-'? You're a hard grader.
ME: It's a fucking B-! That's better than what I've been giving!
G/F: If Jesus Christ came down and wrestled, you'd give him a B-, too.
Post-match, Cameron goes nuts, celebrating and Naomi isn't pleased. Paige gets up and nods at Naomi and extends her hand. Cameron steps in front of Naomi and slaps the shit out of Paige. Paige is furious and completely demolishes Cameron in front of Naomi -- who doesn't lift a finger to help.
Naomi stands there as Paige extends her hand. They shake and that's that. The Funkadactyls leave together.
Saxton and Phillips do the RAW Rebound: all the wrestlers out on the ramp for the big announcement
FRIDAY: 4 on 3 Handicap Match - Cesaro, Bray Wyatt, Del Rio, and Orton vs. Roman Reigns, Sheamus and Cena
Renee Young is with The Usos and Sheamus. Sheamus is itchin' for a foight, Fella. Usos are ready to go Uso Crazy. They used the ladders once, they can beat them again. Sheamus says he's bringin' the Luck of The Irish. U-SO. BROGUE. U-SO. BROGUE.
Wyatts are here. Main Event is next.
We're back with clips of the Rollins/Ambrose thing from earlier tonight, so...
THIS FRIDAY: Dean Ambrose will take on Kane.
MATCH #3: The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Usos (Jimmy & Jey) & WWE United States Champion Sheamus
Bray starts with Sheamus. Bray tags Rowan. Sheamus dumps him outside. The Usos hit a flying shouldertackle to him Harper takes his place in-ring. Quick brawl. Sheamus gets the early upper hand and hits a Battering Ram for two. Rowan comes back with headbutts. Tag to Rowan who charges and Sheamus grabs him, hitting a Rolling Senton. Tag to Jimmy who hits some kicks after an initial flurry by Rowan. Jimmy pushes Rowan into the hero corner. Tag To Jey who headlocks Rowan. Rowan counters and snap mares him. After recovering, there's a tag to Harper. Jey tags Jimmy. Irish Whip and Jimmy hits a tackle and an uppercut. Tag to Jey who comes down on Harper's arm. Some shots on Harper and another tag to Jimmy. Harper finally shoves Jimmy away and a tag to Rowan as we go to break.
Jason Momoa IS Roman Reigns in GENERIC WWE BIKER FLICK. Coming to a Bluray Player near you because this thing ain't going to theaters.
Wyatts in control as we come back. Bray gets tagged in and he clotheslines the fuck out of Jey, turning him upside down. Two count. Bray beats on Jey with headbutts in the corner, then hits a huge running clothesline. Tag to Harper who chokes Jey with a boot. Jey fights back but Harper hits a Sitting Powerbomb for two. Tag to Rowan who drops a knee to Jey's head and gets two. Rowan hits a Pump Handle Backbreaker. Two count. Rowan misses a splash and a spear in the corner. Jey makes the hot tag to Sheamus. Harper's in, too. Sheamus hits lariats and the knee lift. He tries the Ten Beats but Harper drops Sheamus's neck on the ropes. He charges but ends up in the Powerslam.
Sheamus calls for the Brogue. Rowan interferes and gets Ten Beats. Sheamus goes for White Noise on Harper but Harper gets out. Tag to Jimmy who Cross Body Drops Harper for two. Rikishi Splash. Two count. Rowan interferes again. He gets dumped. Sweet Uso Music on Harper who tags Bray on the way out of the ring. Jey hits a Flying Uso on Rowan. Jimmy goes for the same but runs right into Bray who hits Sister Abigail and we're done at 11:37.
WINNERS: The Wyatt Family
GRADE: C+. This didn't sway me. It's almost formulaic at this point. And chalk up another loss for the Usos who have to be the weakest tag champs in history.
The Wyatts celebrate as we go off the air.
OVERALL: I'd give it a B-. This wasn't too hard to take. The Divas match was the best thing tonight. I can't believe I just said that.
--
That's it. Thanks to Scott Keith, who will get you the NXT report and Tommy will take you into the weekend with the Smackdown Review. Andy PG will start your week off right with the PG Era Raw Rant on Monday.
Thank you to all my readers and, hey, if you wanna read more of my stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/.
""STARDUST"! A gimmick so epic, fans actually started to cheer for Curtis Axel."
ReplyDeleteEh, they were cheering him during the battle royal as well. And Cody looked like he was having a blast so I'll give it a chance.
Seth announcing the 2nd ladder match for MITB is a more important development than anything on Smackdown in at least the last three years.
ReplyDeleteThanks, your Main Event recaps are always a good read and spare me the pain of having to watch the show. At one point it was my second favourite wrestling show of the week (behind NXT). Now it's just number two.
ReplyDeleteThat poopy joke's for you, Cena.
"You know, they've made about 150 budget cuts. They couldn't cut Rusev and Lana?"
ReplyDeleteBecause they're new characters who are being pushed, who they have some sort of time-and-effort investment in. Why would they cut them? There's a difference between "I don't like this guy" and "this guy should be cut."
Your reviews aren't bad, but they're drowning in shallow, everything-sucks snark. I'd cut back on that a bit and flesh out your thoughts a bit more.
"Rusev is getting over."
ReplyDeleteThat's debatable. I'd say he GOT over because the WWE finally put Rusev in the ring with somebody who wasn't gonna take his shit anymore.
Beyond that, it isn't snark. The product really is this bad. I'm being honest. The only time I use snark is when it's necessary. The first eight points are as true as it gets.
"The product really is this bad"
ReplyDeleteYou say that like its a fact though and not your own opinion. The product can stand improvement definitely but there's also a lot of good things going on.
I never claimed it was fact. And, yes, there are good things going on. Just not on a consistent basis.
ReplyDeleteInconsistent is the best way to put it. But in this review you mention the Rusev/Santino thing. Did you really expect them to put a competitive Rusev match on Main Event? And you called the Uso's the "weakest" tag champs in history? Dude, your hyperbole is just a bit much. Sure they've done jobs and that's a big issue with how they currently do things but they're also consistently over due to getting TV times and wins in other places.
ReplyDeleteYes! I do expect them to put Rusev in a competitive match! That would be a breath of fresh air! Right now, these shows are drowning in padding and bullshit.
ReplyDeleteRAW seemed to finally getting back on the rails...and then what does the second hour give us? Rusev squash, Dallas squash, Rose squash.
You put Rusev in with Reigns...put Reigns in the ring with Rusev on Main Event! Give the people what they want to see. The WWE wonders why its ratings and product are suffering, this kinda booking is part of it.
And, yes, the Usos have become punching bags for the Wyatts. They've lost more than they've won. "In history" is hyperbole. But make them look like winners. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times when they've beaten someone else. All the other times I've seen them, they get beaten. I don't think the Outlaws lost this much.
But why would they put Rusev/Reigns on Main Event? Save it for the next Raw.
ReplyDeleteMy point is that the WWE has their priorities in the wrong place.
ReplyDeleteAdam Rose goes effeminate with Swagger? Oh, look, he's got something that's funny. Let's pair him with effeminate Fandango. That's a perfect match for him. It still sucks but I guess it fits.
The midgets square off during a 3MB/Matadores match? WHOA. IT'S OVER WITH THE CROWD. Let's drown them in a midget showdown show after show and even have the midgets wrestle the bigger guys!
But Rusev? Let's see...Big E had something with him...gone. Reigns had something with him...nope. Let's just keep having him run people over.
It's boring as hell.
That's a good idea. Will it happen? Nope. Probably not. Just keep trotting him out again Zack Ryder.
ReplyDeleteThat I agree with, Rusev needs more competitive matches on the main shows and just doesn't need to be booked on ME anymore.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the discussion. You're always fun to talk to.
ReplyDeleteNo prob man. I just thought the Reigns BR win on Raw made up for almost everything bad. It's been SO long since WWE's been able to intentionally build up something like that and it made me feel good about their future for once, even if Vince is being more involved in the creative process. Hell, if Vince could give us more moments like those then I'd have no issue with him writing more stuff.
ReplyDeleteSo after being in there with Reigns, he should've, what? Fought Cena? Hogan? Bruno.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't care if the product is good or bad, or if you think it's good or bad. That's not interesting.
"So after being in there with Reigns, he should've, what? Fought Cena? Hogan? Bruno?"
ReplyDeleteHey, look! SNARK! :D No. But what shouldn't he have done? Answer: go right back to the C-Show and beat up Santino. THEY JUST PUT HIM IN THE RING WITH REIGNS. The crowd went insane. What do they do? Make him beat up another JTTS.
"And I don't care if the product is "good" or "bad." Or if you think it's good or bad. That's not interesting. And it's mostly a false dichotomy, anyway."
It's inconsistent to the point of being frustratingly bad.
And I don't think you've read the rest of what I write. I did like the Divas. I thought the show was fair. I thought Rusev was bad. There is depth. I explain why. The entire intro explains my frustrations.
I'm not going robotic with my reviews.
I'm not supposing you should go robotic. I'm suggesting the exact opposite.
ReplyDeletebut he is a fan..how is he supposed to write like someone who doesn't like wrestling, or someone who is indifferent to it?
ReplyDeleteYou have to like what you write about in some regard, Mike.
ReplyDeleteGenerally, people like what they do (writing) and like what they watching (wrestling or something else). :-/