Skip to main content

Matt's Main Event Recap - 8/26/2014

We are just 24 hours removed from John Cena adding a German Suplex to his moveset.

So, I guess I am right after all: JOHN CENA IS PRETTY MUCH BROCK LESNAR NOW ZOMG.

(Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)

Let's go...

We are STREAMING(!) from Ontario, California in Canada! Oh...just, California? Should I re-write or...? No? We're good...ok.

Byron Saxton and Michael Cole are the guys on the mics.

RVD and Rollins are set to go...but will this actually go down early for a change?

MATCH #1: Rob Van Dam vs. Seth Rollins
Yes. Apparently, we are. Initial lock-up ends with shoulderblocks on both sides and then a missed kick by both guys. The two go nose to nose as Rollins taunts RVD. Rollins kicks RVD in the middle of his "RVD" taunt and tosses him to the corner. RVD comes back with a corner toss of his own and then kicks Rollins, knocking him down. RVD, more interested in saying his name, gets attacked by Rollins. RVD comes back with a Leg Scissors pin for two, then sends Rollins out of the ring with a clothesline. RVD hits a quick Suicide Dive Splash outside and gets back into the ring. RVD gets tired of waiting for Rollins and goes outside. Rollins nails him with a clothesline after playing possum and we go to break.

After break, Rollins has RVD in an armlock. RVD gets to his feet but Rollins sends RVD into the ringpost. Rollins hits some knees to RVD's gut and then starts working on his arm, using a snapmare-into-armlock takedown. RVD gets to his feet and slings Rollins, face-first, into the turnbuckle. Both men get up and RVD hits clotheslines and a nice high kick. He goes for Rolling Thunder but Rollins gets to his feet to fast. RVD starts working on Rollins arms and then sends him into the ringpost. He hits the Thrust Kick and Rolling Thunder but gets two. RVD goes for the Moonsault but Rollins pushes him off the top buckle into the barricade outside.

Rollins regroups a bit as the ref counts RVD. RVD beats the count at nine and slides back into the ring. Rollins is pissed and wails on him with punches, then dumps RVD outside. Rollins chases and tosses RVD into the barricade. He puts RVD into a headlock and tells the ref to keep counting. The ref goes for six. Rollins tries the barricade toss again but RVD reverses and Rollins gets dumped into the timekeeper's pit. RVD quickly slides back into the ring as the ref counts Rollins out at 10:30.
WINNER: Rob Van Dam via countout
RATING: **1/4. Not a bad match. Cheapo ending. 

Post-match, Rollins bitches at the ref. RVD taunts Rollins who throws a punch. RVD blocks it and dumps Rollins from the ring.

After a break, Curtis Axel's in the ring for a match.

MATCH #2: Curtis Axel vs. Adam Rose
This match is happening because 1) Adam Rose isn't dead like everyone thought and 2) Curtis Axel doesn't like to party. Go figure. Rose's bunny actually threatened to attack Axel backstage, showing more action in three seconds than Rose has shown in a month. Axel takes Rose down by his legs and taunts Rose. Rose comes back with some cross body pins for one-counts. Axel beats up Rose in the corner but Rose comes back, kicking Axel with fury. Rose sends Axel across the ring but Axel stops himself, ducks an incoming clothesline and hits Rose with one of his own. Rose gets to his feet and fights back but Axel hits a dropkick, followed by a headlock. Rose finally breaks free, Axel chases him and Rose hits a quick Spinebuster. Rose hits a nice elbow after some punches and then a Hurricarana. He goes for the Party Foul and hits it on the second attempt, getting the win at 4:57.
WINNER: Adam Rose via Party Foul
RATING: **. Not bad. Best match I've seen out of Rose.

NEXT: A look back on Brock Lesnar's glorified squash match.

We get an ad for Leprechaun Origins.

We're back and Cole plugs Night of Champions. We review the feud.

After that, Cole has us review AARP Crossfire when Hogan, Michaels and Flair debated John Cena as if he was the center of North Korea's nuclear program.

Los Matadores is backstage and they are NEXT against Gold and Stardust.

ON SMACKDOWN: Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt (and pretty much Harper and Rowan).

Goldust and Stardust get a pop because the "heel turn" was so vague, nobody realized it even happened.

MATCH #3: Goldust & Stardust vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito)
So, this is our last match of the evening. Gold starts against Fernando and he hits a Reverse Atomic Drop on Fernando. He tags Star and it's a series of counters and rolling around, leading to a hip toss by Star, followed by a kick to Fernando's head. Fernando comes back with a bit of a Frankensteiner and it's a tag to Diego who hits a catapult. Tag to Fernando and it's a dropkick and armlock. Star breaks free but Fernando hits a clothesline for two. Crowd chants for Stardust but Star can't escape the armbar. Fernando goes for a side suplex but Cody counters, landing on his feet, tagging Gold who comes in with his house-a-fire thing. Fernando comes back but runs into a Goldust powerslam. The Matadors bolt from the ring as we go to break.

After break, Star has a Matador in a headlock. Tag to Goldie who continues the hold. Fernando breaks but gets hit by Goldust flying off the buckle. Tag to Star who puts Fernando ino a wristlock. Fernando breaks and puts Star into a Sleeper. Star reverses it. Fernando breaks. Hot tags on both sides and Diego is all over Goldie and hits a hurricarana. Goldie takes over and gets a tag to Star. Star hits Dark Matter and we're done at 9:21.
WINNERS: Gold & Stardust
RATING: **. I'm still not seeing the appeal of these guys.

Post-match, Star goes after Torito and tosses him out of the ring to further emphasize, "heel". But since nobody can stand Torito anyhow, it doesn't work.

OVERALL: **. Same ol' Tuesday thing.

Er, that's it. 

Look out for Thursday. We owe you guys a Total Divas recap. Try not to be TOO disappointed. We've had a helluva week. Thursday is the NXT report by the great Scott Keith. Thomas Hall has the Smackdown report covered to take you into the weekend. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank you to all the BoD'ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Comments

  1. Cena is winning the title back. Sorry guys.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Careful, Scott. You're only an element or two away from Jesse Baker fantasy booking there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm more interested in Mongo McMichaels showing up next week on Raw to interview Cheese and Nikki Bella. For that storyline -- read my post from Scott's 3-27-95 Raw review.

    ReplyDelete
  4. John Cena used a German Suplex to pin CM Punk at Night of Champions 2012.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And when Ryback comes back turn him Russia and call him Nikita Boulloff.

    ReplyDelete
  6. But he'll turn heel in doing so. That's good!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh forget it -/ I'll post that ***** promo right here:

    ReplyDelete
  8. I dig STARDUST. He crazy. Gonna get that cosmic key, son. Word up. PN News. Yo baby yo baby yo. Yo baby yo baby yo. Yo baby yo baby yo.

    ReplyDelete
  9. If they were really doing Rocky III, wouldn't they have brought in WWE Hall of Famer Mr. T by now?

    ReplyDelete
  10. This isn't Rocky 3.

    ReplyDelete
  11. It's not like to swear, even if you star out the word "fucking".

    ReplyDelete
  12. Shut up, fool. [That is Mr. T joke, please continue talking.]

    ReplyDelete
  13. You know...Ontario, CA is a really small venue. It's almost as if business isn't doing so great.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I literally meant 5 star promo.

    ReplyDelete
  15. It was strange to see them visit there.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This ain't even Grudge Match.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I like how versatile Cody is. He's gotten better since becoming Stardust.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The post credits scene in Grudge Match is great.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Tremendous range by Cody. The man is a pro's pro. I just like his style. I'd buy a STARDUST shirt and a foam cosmic key.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I keep saying it and no one is listening. THEY HATE MONEY if they don't extend this Brock/Cena feud to the Cell in October. Do whatever you want then, but this thing has to get to that Cell. It just has to.


    Brock getting DQ'd for being to brutal or something -- or maybe even Cena getting DQ'd -- or hell a double DQ -- to send the biggest feud they have into their biggest gimmick match just makes too much sense to not happen.

    ReplyDelete
  21. But his heel turn contains potassium benzoate. That's bad

    ReplyDelete
  22. WWE is missing out if they don't do a foam Cosmic Key.

    ReplyDelete
  23. These shows seem brutal; you must be brave. At least it's only an hour, though.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hey woman! Hey woman!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Can I go now?

    ReplyDelete
  26. I've been staring at the periodic table for ten minutes now, and I don't see "rape" anywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You know, I cover for Raw and Smackdown for my own site and I've actually grown to like covering Main Event the best: short, no bullshit (most of the time) and the matches sometimes end up surprising me.

    ReplyDelete
  28. For it to be Rocky 3, Cena would have had to lose at Summerslam because he didn't take Brock seriously and was too busy doing other things to get ready for the match. Cena took Brock seriously, he just got beat.

    ReplyDelete
  29. They did this as a 2 month stunt to draw up interest for the Network and get people to re-sign in Sept. That's all. Cena will beat Brock at NoC, maybe in the Rocky 3 scenario maybe not, and we will be "treated" to 3 months of Cena vs. KORPORATE KANE or Cena/Orton Part 412 or whatever, purely b/c Vince is too old now to learn anything properly yet still gets to call all the shots.


    Believe me, I hope I'm wrong more than anyone else reading this now...but I've watched this company descend into dementia over the past 10+ years and the decision making patterns are now locked in harder than ever before.

    ReplyDelete
  30. That assumes Brock is willing to/has the dates to do Hell in a Cell in addition to the last two. I'd be fine with a double DQ (or something like that) leading to Brock winning at HiaC, but if the end result of all of this crazy build for Brock, sacrificing the streak and Cena's most dominant loss probably since before he was rapper Cena, is just to give babyface Cena yet another win, that's complete garbage and would honestly make the situation worse. We already don't buy that anyone (except Brock at this point, and maybe Bryan) is on Cena's level, assuming he either will win every match or lose only via crazy shenanigans. Put him over the biggest monster they've booked in forever and it'd be hard to ever believe it again under any circumstances.

    Only way a Cena win makes sense is if he has to turn heel to do it, because at least that would be a character change and would presumably mean he had to cheat to win (i.e., he's not necessarily better than everyone ever), and at this point I can't see that. If we were farther along on the Reigns path, they had a little more faith in Ambrose, and Bryan weren't hurt, I actually could see Cena turning, because you'd have 2-3 (depending on how over Ambrose was) top faces, plus you could turn Orton again (not that I want to see Orton VS Cena ever again, although at least it'd be a different dynamic). But with Bryan out, Ambrose over but not getting pushed anything like a top top babyface yet, and Reigns not quite there yet, the timing makes no sense, unfortunately.

    ReplyDelete
  31. But it includes Paul Heyman. That's good!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'd love to say you're nuts, and I hope you are because the idea you put out is a terrible one for long term business for WWE, but unfortunately I too have been watching for 10+ years. Especially in the last 6 or so years, they seem to think that Cena taking a loss and just moving on to something else will somehow destroy him forever, and so they need to make sure he always gets it back somehow. With Punk, he beat Punk right after Summerslam 2011, and then demolished Del Rio to take the title back. With Rock, they put him over Brock right away even though his entire storyline for the next year was "It's the worst year of my life", and then put him over Rock again in a rematch that wasn't necessary (I had no problem with Cena beating Rock, just that I didn't need to see it main event Wrestlemania again). Bryan is the closest to an exception there is, since at least Cena didn't get his heat back on Bryan (yet), but within a month Cena rushed back from injury and crushed Del Rio again for the title (and then beat MitB winner Sandow with one arm tied behind his back the next night). Because god forbid Cena just loses without immediately either winning the rematch or winning the other title, right? Now with only one title, it has to be this one again, or they have to break the pattern of "Cena can never ever be the one who comes out worse in the end, not even once".

    ReplyDelete
  33. If they want to do the redemption storyline with Cena/Lesnar, they're moving this along away too fast. Cena should not even be wrestling again for at least a month after Summerslam but I guess Cena has to be on TV considering the company has a Champion who contractually appears (maybe) ten times per year, a rising star who is off shooting a movie and an injured star with increasingly worrisome injuries, not to mention their other fringe star who bolted the company months back.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Not only that, he got crushed. It makes it that much harder to see him try again, because it's not like Brock just got by him.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Cena as a heel against Roman at Wrestlemania makes more sense to me than Brock/Roman at that show.

    ReplyDelete
  36. It might be time to turn heeltious.

    ReplyDelete
  37. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryAugust 26, 2014 at 11:08 PM

    SHUT UP OLD MAN

    ReplyDelete
  38. CruelConnectionNumber2August 26, 2014 at 11:37 PM

    Nice review, I feel for you having to sit through that disaster of a tag title match. Some stuff... was supposed to be Roma vs Arn at Starrcade until Sid got his scissors. Roma turning on Arn changing to Watts was super lame. Coulda been a bigger deal, Watts was a total jobber at the time. Apparently the lights got purposely cut on Rhodes/Austin to send a message to them after the blade job. Referee for the SB 4 cage rematch was originally set to be THE SUPER SHOCKMASTER (YouTube that shit) before Flair was like "Excuse me?"

    ReplyDelete
  39. cowardwhotriedtoquitAugust 26, 2014 at 11:39 PM

    If this happens, who do you think leaves with the title at HiaC?

    ReplyDelete
  40. Watching that main event, it occurred to me that Los Matadores would probably actually be a pretty good team on the indies. Like they would put up good matches against teams like Bad Influence and the Young Bucks. But the gimmick is so midcard that I barely pay attention to their matches. Like the Bodydonnas.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Liking to fuck in her personal life doesn't mean that she should have unwanted nude photos of her distributed around like porn back at the office.

    ReplyDelete
  42. He also jumps up after getting a Tombstone at This Tuesday In Texas, and only gives a 1 count after being hit by Randy's flying elbow at WM 5. He habitually made his opponents look bad.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Which caused Cena to lose still.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Good review, and the appeal is that they act bizarre. It's like having Goldust and a wackier Goldust.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Cena didn't lost that match! He simply didn't win.

    ReplyDelete
  46. The Matadors have the whole aerobatic thing going for them. They could be a decent tag team...if they dumped Torito. I know I might get hate saying that, but it's true.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Thanks, as always, ABey. I like both guys. I think I like Cody more than when he was just Cody, in fact. I'm just not sure they appeal enough to get a shot at the title. They're stuck in goofy comedy land, where gimmicks go to die. :(

    ReplyDelete
  48. Zanatude, that comment was JBL-esque. I like it.

    ReplyDelete
  49. They'd fit in well at Chikara.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment