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Matt's Main Event Recap - 9/9/2014

So, RAW had a surge in quality. I actually care about what happens between John Cena and Brock Lesnar...but my question is this: are they telegraphing a Cena heel turn? Does Cena suddenly take the place of Lesnar and join Paul Heyman? 

I cannot shake this feeling that something huge is gonna happen at Night of Champions. Obviously, I think we're a bit late for a Triple Threat or Fatal Four-Way alteration to the Cena/Lesnar thing.

How does this match end?

I cannot see, for the life of me, Brock Lesnar retaining the title at Night of Champions. Also, I cannot see Cena winning the title back after Lesnar reigns. So, obviously, this might be the Triple H/Daniel Bryan screwjob moment when Cena ends up with the title and Rollins cashes in.

There was a user, last week, who suggested that Vince, Triple H and Creative were trolling the audience, doing whatever the hell they wanted to prove that the fans would watch anything they put on screen.

So, it would stand to reason that there may be no rhyme or reason for anything we're seeing in the current regime. It's either that or Vince is doing one thing while Triple H is doing another and what we're seeing is the battle of clashing creative minds.

Anyhow, feel free to add your two cents in the comments or just say I'm fucking insane.

I like it rough and I'm easy.

Have at it.

Let's go...

We are LIVE(!) from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, a place WWE is so proud to be broadcasting from, the announcers can't even bring themselves to tell you that's where they're at!

Michael Cole and Byron Saxton are the usual suspects on the mics.

Look out: Cole has BREAKING NEWS:
  • Roman Reigns will face Seth Rollins at Night of Champions!
  • Randy Orton will face Chris Jericho at Night of Champions!
Seth Rollins is out to the ring to do his usual weekly promo. Crowd wastes no time with the YOU SOLD OUT chants. Rollins wants to welcome the fans to "Where Are They Now?" He puts members of The Shield up on the Jumbotron. Where are they now? Let's start with Dean Ambrose. He says that Ambrose is awesome...but he made a mistake going against Rollins.

With that, it's clips of the Curb Stomp through the cinder blocks on RAW a month ago. Rollins laughs at what he sees. He asks where Ambrose is now. Nobody knows, he says. Nobody cares. Ambrose was a feral animal who needed to be put down. This brings him to Roman Reigns. He says that all he heard when he was part of The Shield was that Roman Reigns was going to be future of wrestling. 

Rollins says he is responsible for Reigns. He created him. At Night of Champions, he will destroy his own creation. We get clips of last night's RAW when Reigns got triple-teamed by Orton, Kane and Rollins inside the steel cage. Rollins says that brings everyone to HIM. He is the future of WWE.

That brings out Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter. Colter says that Rollins isn't anything to remember. Then names a bunch of famous Americans. Colter says Rollins isn't an architect or a Real American. He's a sell-out. He makes everyone do WE THE PEOPLE in order to show Rollins that America is united against him. Really? Colter treads that line between semi-heartfelt and that crazy Right Wing fringe uncle who shows up at all your family holidays, takes criticism of the country way too seriously and talks, ad nausem, about how minorities and gays are ruining the country because Obama.

MATCH #1: Seth Rollins vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Tackles by Swagger to start and Rollins sends him out of the ring. After a break, Swagger is in control and pulls Rollins out of the ring, ramming Rollins' back into the barricades. Rollins gets back into the ring and drops Swagger's neck into the ropes, then kicks him in the face, getting a two-count. Rollins stomps Swagger in the corner, then hits a clothesline. Rollins locks Swagger in a bit of a modified Cobra Clutch. Swagger tries to break it but Rollins sends him into the buckles and splashes him. Rollins goes top rope but Swagger catches him and hits a Belly to Belly and shoulderblock. Big Boot to knock down Rollins. Swagger goes for the Vader Swagger Bomb and hits it then hits a Spinebuster for a near fall. Swagger goes for a German Suplex but Rollins counters with an Enzuguri. Rollins beats on Swagger and kicks at him as he's draped on the second rope. Swagger comes back with the Patriot Lock but Rollins gets to the ropes and is forced to break. Rollins tries to shoulderblock Swagger but Swagger catches him and rams him into the turnbuckle. Swagger attacks him in the corner but Rollins manages to knock Swagger off the ropes and to the mat, head-first. Curb Stomp ends it at 9:00.
WINNER: Seth Rollins via Curb Stomp
RATING: **1/2. This was fine.

Heath Slater is backstage with Titus O'Neil. Titus is pissed that Adam Rose has beaten him twice. Titus says they're going "Wabbit Huntin'", like in Looney Tunes. Titus says, "Let's hop to it" and Heath hops out like a rabbit. Ain't he a stinker?

Cole takes us back to last night when Heyman tried HARD to get Cena to turn heel in a brilliant segment.

NEXT MONDAY ON RAW: Lesnar and Cena will be in the same building.

Cesaro is on his way to the ring for a match...NEXT.

MATCH #2: Zack Ryder vs. Cesaro
Cesaro hits a shoulderblock but Ryder comes back with a dropkick, sending Cesaro out of the ring. Cesaro trips him while outside and Ryder lands on his knee. Cesaro starts working on it but Ryder breaks out and retreats to a corner. Cesaro misses a dropkick in the corner and Ryder hits a Broski Boot, sending Cesaro out of the ring. Ryder hits a Springboard Splash to the outside and the action moves back inside the ring. Ryder jumps at Cesaro but Cesaro catches him and hits the Cesaro Swing, getting about four spins before hitting a Crosslock for the win at 2:23.
WINNER: Cesaro
RATING: *. Sheamus gets to wrestle Seth Rollins while Cesaro gets to prove himself against Rusev's table scraps. Brilliant booking.

Renee Young jumps out of her inter-dimensional portal from Ditzyland and congratulates Cesaro. She pretty much calls the victory easy. Cesaro mentions that Ryder "is a former champion", so at least there's that. He's gonna prove that he's the King of Wrestling at Night of Champions against Sheamus.

Cole takes us back to the "Season Premiere" of last night's RAW when Jerry Springer moderated the Bella debate. 

Anybody remember Megan the Trainer? Whatever happened to that brilliant showcase of writing brilliance? Anyone care to comment? Anybody?

AT NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS: The Triple Threat Match with Paige, AJ Lee and Nikki for some reason.

Backstage, Adam Rose's Bunny sees a carrot hanging from the ceiling. But Heath springs their net trap instead and Titus yells at him for being a moron. COLE: "Oh no..." 

Those two words sum that up well.

All right! Adam Rose! Said nobody ever.

MATCH #3: Titus O'Neil (w/ Heath Slater) vs. Adam Rose
Adam Rose gets some shots in but Titus hits a big boot while Cole feels the need to recap the failed carrot trap spot for fucksakes. Rose's Rosebuds try to fire up the crowd with the dumb Rose song -- and nobody in the crowd bites. Titus hits a backbreaker as the Bunny comes hopping to the ring. Heath crawls under the ring to catch the Bunny by surprise -- and the fucking Bunny hits an Enzuguri on Slater. Rose rolls up a distracted Titus for the win at 2:02.
WINNER: Adam Rose

Cole calls this "BunnyMania" to top this shit-fest off and we move on. 
Los Matadores are out for action...

MATCH #4: NXT Tag Team Champions The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor) vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (non-title)
Viktor goes first against who I would assume is Diego. He puts Diego to the mat and tags Konnor. They hit a double shoulderblock as Saxton is impressed with the Ascension's tactics. Cole actually says "Yeah, but The Ascension is taking on the veteran Los Matadores." There's a tag to Fernando and a slight comeback but Konnor puts him in their corner and tags in Viktor. They hit chest slaps and put Fernando to the mat for a one-count. Tag to Konnor. The crowd yells to get a table. Fernando tries to make a tag but Konnor clotheslines the shit out of him and tags Viktor. Viktor locks the head. Fernando breaks free and ends up in the corner, then hot tags Diego but nobody cares. Diego gets a nice body drop and dropkick on Viktor, then hits a HUGE clothesline on a comeback rush out of the corner on an Irish Whip. Air attack by Diego misses. Konnor gets back in the ring, they wipe out Fernando and hit The Fallen Man for the win at about 4:00.
WINNERS: The Ascension via Fallen Man
RATING: *1/2. Impressive showing for The Ascension. Somebody tell me why these guys aren't in WWE yet.

The Ascension stands tall as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **. Mostly no-bullshit. Adam Rose didn't need to be here. Tonight could have been a longer showcase for The Ascension...but I get it.

Er, that's it.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through the rest of the week. Scott Keith has some retro shows. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

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