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The PG Era Rant: Raw, 9.22.14

The PG Era Rant for RAW, September 22, 2014.

Tonight's preview notes:

  • Dean Ambrose is back!
  • Dolph Ziggler calls in his rematch clause against the Miz.
  • The Usos and Sheamus will face Goldust, Stardust, and Cesaro.

We get a review of Lesnar/Cena: the Title Rematch and how it fell apart at Seth Rollins's hands.

Live from Memphis, TN.

Your hosts are Cole, King, and Bradshaw.


And we open with Dean Ambrose. “I'm not dead!” Not just that, but he's back. He recounts the last few weeks in his life, replaying the pain he went through 2-on-1. (We now review the incident.) Ambrose admits it seems cool now that there's time to reflect. He's even flattered that the Authority went that far to dispose of him. But they failed. And he holds grudges against the Authority, and tonight, he IS the Authority. He won't leave until he gets Seth Rollins. And to prove it, he grabs a chair and begins the sit-in.

Instead of Rollins, though, we get John Cena. Ambrose is non-plussed. He ditches the chair and tells Cena he's not happy to see him. He politely suggests that Cena leave. Cena, though, says he's on Ambrose's side: they both hate Seth Rollins. Cena is clearly furious that Rollins cost him the WWE Title. So he's cashing in an Ass Kicking in the Bank Contract on Rollins, and no one will stop him. Dean is actually amused by this. He re-iterates that Cena should get out of the way. Cena gets ready for a fight, as does Ambrose...

...and that's the Authority's cue. HHH reminds everyone he's in charge, and that no one's fighting Rollins. Tonight's main event, instead... but Cena and Ambrose won't wait and the 3-on-2 war is on! Rollins escapes through the crowd, with Ambrose in hot pursuit, as the war goes there. Ambrose chases Rollins to the back, with Cena right behind him. The rest of the Authority retreats as Ambrose catches Rolins within the catacombs and Cena catches up. Rollins uses some well-placed suitcases to protect himself, then carjacks a vehicle and takes off.

If Cena can borrow some of Ambrose's edge – and be honest, Ambrose has more than enough to spare – he'll be better off for it.

Moments ago.

HHH makes tonight's matches: Kane vs. Ambrose (“Finish him.”) and Orton vs. Cena. Kane asks why it's their issue, and Stephanie says she thought the two of them might want some retribution. Orton says to tell Rollins to “stop starting fires that we have to put out.”

Intercontinental Title rematch: The Miz (champion) vs. Dolph Ziggler (challenger). Sandow's here, Truth isn't. HASHTAG! Dolph with a quick back cradle for one. He goes behind, then gets an inverted atomic drop and Heart Attack elbow for two. Miz to the headlock, and he knocks down Dolph, getting a knee smash. Miz hooks the nose and switches to a chinlock. Dolph fights out and slaps Miz hard on the chest, but Miz clips Dolph and goes or the figure-four. Dolph sends Miz into the post to break. Stinger Splash by Dolph, but Miz escapes the Rude Awakening. He suckers Dolph into the ropes and drops a neckbreaker to the outside as we go to break.

You can kind of see the seeds being sewn for Orton/Rollins down the line, with Orton's face turn based on never getting that rematch. The key is he can't become a white-bread babyface – he needs to retain the crazy.

Intercontinental Title, part two. Miz just got a two-count as we return. Miz with the through-the-ropes corner clothesline and he goes up, but Dolph intercepts with a dropkick. Dolph begins the comeback seqeunce, with the Stinger Splash and Rude Awakening leading to a missed Famouser, but Dolph gets the Sky High DDT for two. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale and Figure Four, both of which are blocked. Dolph up top but he gets caught, and here's the Figure Four. He gets two during the hold. Dolph makes the ropes. Miz misses a dropkick, and Dolph knocks over Miz and Sandow. Back in, Miz catches Dolph and lands the Skull-Crushing Finale for two. Crowd is into it. Miz misses the running kick and gets cradled for two. Famouser gets two. Dolph's knee is shot, though. Dolph misses the Zig Zag and pauses to kick Sandow off the apron, but Miz cradles Dolph with the tights for two... only Dolph reverses with tights of his own for the pin and the title at 12:55. Crowd pops hard. ***1/4

Stills of Ambrose's return and the crazy brawl that followed.

While it was a good rematch and the crowd loved the title change and all, why change the title at Night of Champions in the first place? Personally, I'm glad I got to see a good long match with a hot crowd, but if you're mad at the booking, I can see it.

Bo Dallas v. Jack Swagger. This is the rubber match. Swagger is aggressive out of the gate, but Dallas with a back kick and he works him over in the corner. A short lariat follows, then some kneedrops for two. Swagger fights out of the corner, but runs into a knee to the gut for a pair of one-counts. To the chinlock. Swagger fights out and gets the comeback into a corner whip and big boot. WE THE PEOPLE! Vaderbomb connects. High Greco-Roman suplex is escaped, and Dallas with the swinging neckbreaker for two. Dallas with a series of shots in the corner, but Swagger reverses it to a front electric chair and Patriot Lock for the tapout at 3:15. *1/4 Zeb Colter rubs it in.

Open question: do you team Swagger and Henry as Zeb Colter Guys to continue the story? Bonus question: which one gets sick of it and beats up JBL first?

Summer Rae v. Natalya. This is the Total Divas cross-promotion portion of our show. Layla and Rosa are at ringside. Summer calls herself the most attractive person in the room and says Natalya is jealous. Wasn't Summer Rae a face when we last saw her? Natalya jumps at the sound of the bell and has to be pulled away. Summer with a spinkick and she pounds away. She uses a body-scissors, but Natalya powers into a cradle for two. Natalya spins around and goes to a mount, but Summer has a guillotine on. Natalya reverses to a slam. Running stomp and dropkick begins the comeback, and she goes nuts in the corner. Layla distracts, and Summer gets two. Rosa pulls Layla away, and Natalya gets the Sharpshooter for the tapout at 2:15. This concludes the cross-promotion portion of our show. 1/2*

There's really no need to use Total Divas to set up matches. The whole concept of Total Divas is that they are different from their characters. This is approximately the opposite of what the purpose of the show is. And I have now given more thought to this show than anyone outside of Matt and Danielle, but they're reviewing it. I don't have that excuse.

Previously on Superstars. I mean Raw. Calling Botchamania...

Dean Ambrose v. Kane. Cole ties it together, saying Kane helped Seth Rollins try to end Ambrose's career. HASHTAG! Ambrose catches a boot and fires away, but Kane gets an uppercut. Ambrose trips Kane and takes the mount before going up top and getting a flying uppercut for one. Kane works Ambrose over in the corner, but Ambrose reverses and dropkicks Kane into the ropes. He runs into the goozle but elbows out and low bridges Kane. The tope suicida follows, then chairs are brought out only for Kane to boot Ambrose down. Ambrose eats steps, and back in, Kane gets one. Kane works the arm of Ambrose, who fights out and stops a blind charge. Ambrose leaps right into an uppercut for two. Back to the arm, with a hairpull slam getting two. More armbarring. Ambrose fights out and gets a DDT. He fights back with one arm, getting the rope tangle clothesline. He goes up top, and a missile dropkick gets two. Tornado DDT try is blocked, and Kane misses the chokeslam. Ambrose gets Dirty Deeds only for Seth Rollins to return for the DQ at 5:26. *1/2

Rollins gets a chair, but Ambrose tackles it away and sends Rollins packing. He goes for a dive and runs into Kane's fist, and now the chokeslam connects. Kane goes to leave, but Rollins decides he's not done. He goes to return, but Ambrose grabs the chair and holds him at bay. Ambrose is still standing at the end.

And rather than talk about the match, I'll just say again, Kevin Dunn delenda est.

Rollins and Kane are talking backstage. HHH relays the message to Rollins from Orton – and here comes Ambrose to attack anything that moves. Security drags him away again. HHH ejects Ambrose, and Stephanie has him locked in a janitor's closet (“Have we ever thrown someone out that didn't come back?” Genre savviness strikes!).

A look back at the reporting on Roman Reigns' surgery.

I'm not even mad that Stephanie looks like the smartest person in the room again, because it's refreshing to see someone realize that wrestling has tropes that are always followed.

Sheamus & Jimmy Uso & Jey Uso v. Goldust & Stardust & Cesaro. HASHTAG! Goldust and Jey start. Goldust dumps Jey, but he returns and chops away. Jimmy in, and he gets the flying forearm in the corner and a backdrop. The Dusts take a breather, and Stardust enters. Jimmy rushes him into the corner, but Stardust reverses only to get run over. A series of reversals leads Stardust to bail out, and the Dusts stall some more. Cesaro has had enough and tags himself in, demanding Sheamus. He gets his wish and fires off forearms, but runs into a lariat and gets pummeled. The beatings continue, with Cesaro getting the upper hand on an uppercut, and Goldust enters and keeps up the fists. Sheamus reverses to a running knee and clothesline, and in comes Jey. Leaping headbutt gets two. Stardust brings himself in, working over Jey's back and stomping him down. He chokes Jey in the ropes, but gets caught with chops and bringing in Jimmy. Double-team by the Usos gets two. Jimmy goes to the armbar, but Goldust tags in and takes over. Stardust tags himself in and trips Jimmy, as the Dusts get a double-team Stun Gun for two as we go to break.

This crowd is oddly disinterested in this match so far. It's like Goldust and Stardust are not working as heels.

Sheamus/Usos v. Cesaro/Dusts, part two. Stardust has Jimmy tied up, but runs into a boot on a blind charge. Hot tag Sheamus, and he unloads on Stardust, ending with a Finlay Roll. Goldust goes flying, and Stardust eats the Ten of Clubs. Cesaro tags himself in and Stardust low-bridges the two together, but Sheamus gets hung up on the ropes and Cesaro yanks him to the floor. Back in, Cesaro walks the middle rope and drops a double axhandle for one. He hooks something resembling an Anaconda Vice with an armbar twist, and when Sheamus fights out, Cesaro lands an uppercut. Goldust in, and he works the back. To the chinlock. He breaks it and drops an elbow, and Stardust keeps up the beating in the ropes. Cesaro adds a boot for no reason, and Stardust gets two off of it. Sheamus fights out of a front chancery, then charges a Disaster Kick with an Irish Hammer and everyone's down. Hot tag Jey, and Cesaro's sent flying as Jey runs over Goldust. The Usos return the Stun Gun to Goldust, and Jimmy does a double moonsault, Cesaro saving. Hip check to Goldust, superkick to Cesaro, and a double dive onto Stardust and Cesaro. Jimmy (I think) goes up top and splashes Goldust's knees, and the Final Cut follows, Sheamus saves. Brogue Kick to Stardust, but Cesaro sends him and Sheamus packing. Superkick by Jimmy to Goldust, and Jey with the splash for real to win at 15:38. **3/4

Backstage, Randy Orton is joined by Seth Rollins, who wants to mend fences. He appreciates what Orton's doing, really. And to prove it, he has a surprise for Orton at ringside – plus, Kane and Rollins will be at ringside. Orton likes the sound of that.

If only I had a PS4, I might get WWE 2K15. Otherwise, I'll wait and see if it's worth getting on PS3.

Mark Henry is out. We see how he lost to Rusev in stills. Henry apologizes for his performance at Night of Champions. He isn't even mad at the What chants. He's just sorry this all happened. And on cue, here's Rusev. Lana says Henry has no need to apologize, since everyone knows (SHUT UP) that America is sorry. (Lana mocks the USA chant.) Russia, meanwhile, is a proud nation. (SHUT UP ALREADY!) Lana even offers one more chance – a rematch, tonight.

Henry says he'll do it if the people want it. Bring it on! And the rematch is on!

After commercials, obviously.

On Main Event, The Miz will interview Dean Ambrose.

Mark Henry v. Rusev. HASHTAG! Rusev works the ribs to start, kicking the back in the corner. Henry bowls Rusev out of the corner, but he can't stand up straight and Rusev continues the assault. Running charge in the corner, and Rusev gets a head-and-armlock. This goes on a while. Rusev kicks the back and goes back to the lock. Crowd begins a USA chant, and Henry fights out, but Rusev hits a dropkick (!!) and goes back to the lock. This hold is on for well over a minute at this point, but Henry steps on Rusev's bare feet to begin the comeback. Avalanche in the corner, then an scoop slam. Henry goes outside and catches Rusev, sending him into the steps in a reversal of last night. He throws Rusev into the barricade, but his ribs give out. Back in (eventually), Henry does the Junkyard Headbutt and teases a Vaderbomb. Rusev is up and yanks Henry to the mat. Rusev is fired up, demanding Henry get up, but he can't. So Rusev says the heck with it, and the Accolade is on. The KO is academic at 7:27. WHATEVER. DUD

A look back at the opening segment, then at Ambrose getting locked up.

Seriously, Rusev was exposed throughout this rise as being not there yet. Henry isn't over without the USA crap. I'm over it. Let's hope this was the blowoff.

Heath Slater and Titus O'Neil v. Adam Rose and The Bunny. Yes, you read that right. JBL is indignant. Rose and Titus start. Titus runs Rose over and gets an over-the-shoulder backbreaker. Slater in, and a superkick gets two. To the chinlock, and Slater adds a hairpull slam. Some mounted punches and he taunts the Bunny again before returning to the chinlock. Rose fights out, but Titus cuts off the hot tag and throws him aside, then slaps the Bunny around. Rose chop blocks Titus, and in words I never thought I'd type, it's hot tag Bunny. Missile dropkick to Slater, and he low-bridges Titus. Spin kick to Slater, and Rose back in so the Bunny can do a senton to Titus. Party Foul to Slater ends it at 3:05. Maximum Memphis has been obtained. 1/2*

You know how we say that sometimes, the announcers drag a match down? Hearing Cole oversell the Bunny's offense as JBL acted like he was surrounded by idiots made the match more entertaining for me.

Dean Ambrose: still locked up. We think.

Nikki Bella is here. While other people make excuses, she has a legitimate beef: Brie's words. She wanted Brie's support before her big match, and instead heard Brie's words and got so upset she lost. (Without getting pinned. That might mean more.) But Nikki's going to take care of it herself, calling out Brie.

Brie says Nikki is just blaming someone else for her failures. But it's not about that: it's about how Brie never backed Nikki up. It's never about them, it's about Brie, always always always. Brie then says Nikki called Brie out, remember? Well, Brie's sick of it. Nikki makes a bi production over what Brie will do before calling her an embarrassment. And that's why Brie was out here tonight – because she deserves to be Nikki's Trashy Sister or Quitter. But what Nikki wants is to be the ONLY person named Bella. She is THE Nikki Bella.

Brie refuses, but wait – why not call herself Brie Bryan? It is buyer's remorse? And with that Brie attacks Nikki and tries the Yes Lock, but Nikki bails. Brie is ready for the fight, but instead here's AJ... because she's facing Nikki, next!

You know, if they did call her Brie Bryan, I bet they could salvage this thing which has derailed Brie hard. And whether you think she deserves it or not is irrelevant – she was over, now she's not. She can be again.

AJ Lee v. Nikki Bella. Fun fact: I nearly typed “Nikki Bela” during the Dracula ad. Make of that what you will. Paige is on commentary because why not. AJ with an armdrag and armbar into a chickenwing, but Nikki elbows out. AJ with a headscissors and avalanche (??), into two swinging neckbreakers for two. Hammer throw by AJ, but Nikki comes out with a clothesline. It gets two. Nikki does... something... involving the ropes and her rear end and... anyway, outside the ring, Nikki tosses AJ into Paige. Back in, it gets two. To the swinging chinlock by Nikki, but AJ fights out but runs into a big boot. It gets two. Nikki with a very slow variation of Del Rio's armbar, but AJ gets a cradle out of it. Nikki with the Alabama Slam for two. Nikki works AJ over in the corner, but a blind charge goes nowhere as AJ leaps to the top rope. AJ crawls off into the Black Widow, and that gets the win at 5:09. 3/4*

HHH checks in on Security.

So the only question is how Ambrose is going to escape. Place your bets.

Your SmackDown feature match is the Usos calling in their rematch clause against the Brotherhood.

Hm. That cinderblock table is at ringside.

Main event: Randy Orton v. John Cena. Rollins and Kane are at ringside. After some jockeying, Orton gets the opening headlock. He knocks Cena down, taunts, and... gets knocked over. Orton blasts Cena in the corner with boxing moves, then rakes the eyes with his kneepad. Orton works over him in another corner before taunting the crowd. This allows Cena to come back and land the one-hand bulldog for one. Orton with a running kick to slow Cena down. He kicks Cena out of the ring as we go to break.

I can appreciate the little things Orton does to be a heel, and let's be honest, stalling is a great way to get heat especially in Memphis. But it works best when the opponent wants to pick up the pace, and Cena isn't doing that here.

Main event, part two. Orton stalks over Cena and clotheslines him down for two. Cena airballs a shoulderblock and falls outside. Cena eats stairs on the outside, then suplexes him onto the announce table. Orton drags Cena up by the bicep band, but Cena recovers to dump Orton. Back in, it's a double clothesline. Orton up first, but it's a slugfest, and Cena gets put in the back-to-back backbreaker for two. Orton with a Hammer Throw, then the Garvin Stomp for two. Blind charge eats boot, but Cena runs into a sleeper. He switches to the chinlock, but Cena pulls Orton off of him only to get booted. Cena ducks a clothesline and cues the comeback. Five Knuckle Shuffle is cut off by Orton into a powerslam for two. Draping DDT is set up again, but Cena dumps Orton to the apron only to get draped on the top rope. Orton walks into an STF try, but escapes and gets a clothesline. Cena goes to the apron, so Orton picks him up in the corner for a superplex. Cena powers out of it, but Orton trips him up top. Draping DDT off the top connects, getting two. Orton taunts the crowd again before going to the RKO signal. It's blocked, and Cena hooks the STF out of nowhere to cue the NW... I mean, Authority beatdown at 15:10. ***

Cena tries to fight off all three guys, but Rollins with the enzuigiri, Kane with the chokeslam, and Cena's out. It's cinderblock time, and the table is prepped, but we lift the cinderblock table and Dean Ambrose is underneath (somehow)! Everyone gets beaten up by the sneak attack, as Ambrose works over Kane but gets sent into the table. He keeps the high ground and dives onto everyone, throwing Rollins into the ring. He gets the rope tangle lariat to Rollins, but Kane has the goozle. Cena saves, so Kane puts the goozle on him. Cena escapes, Ambrose puts Dirty Deeds on Orton, Rollins runs for his life, and Cena gets the AA on Kane. JBL: “How'd he get out of that locked room?” Cena poses as Ambrose glares at Rollins and we roll credits.

MORK CALLING ORSON – COME IN ORSON:

Well, it went all right. It was pretty slow from 10:20 to about 10:55, but just about everything tonight advanced the story, so I can let it slide. Even the Total Divas thing was kept short, so there's that. All in all, I've seen much worse. I've also seen better, but it wasn't horrible. It didn't feel like a waste of three hours, I'll put it that way.

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 70:20 over nine matches
BEST MATCH: Dolph/Miz
WORST MATCH: Rusev/Henry
NIGHT MVP: Dolph Ziggler

FINAL SCORE: 6.5. It dragged a bit in the third hour, but it always does. Otherwise, everything moved us forward. That's more than you can normally say.

Matt Perri will handle Main Event and put up with Total Divas. Tommy Hall will suffer through Impact and SmackDown, but at least he does NXT. Scott Keith will go retro on us through 1995. Logan Scisco has 1998. Brian Bayless will run the e-fed. And all of you will complain about wrestling.

Nanu, nanu.

Comments

  1. That's sort of shitty...I don't know if I want a next gen system yet.

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  2. It's like AMBROSE is the cool new kid at school and he used to live in England, but then he makes friends with the kid who said poopy at a field trip during 2nd grade and now the kids don't think the new kid is cool for associating with the kid who said poopy.

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  3. History has shown us what happens when the new flavor of the month is buddies with Cena, too...

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  4. In the background chugging coffee like a maniac.


    Ah, the good old days. I have a feeling I'm turning into that Spaceman Lego from the Lego Movie.

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  5. Hyperbolic, overly smarky, ridiculously out of the blue thought of the day with little to no evidence to back up my assertion.....


    Ambrose/Rollins ends up as Austin/Bret if they book it right over the next several months.

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  6. HowmuchdoesthisguyweighSeptember 22, 2014 at 9:52 PM

    Remember when Evan Bourne teaming with him was supposed to.... Go. Somewhere!?

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  7. Eh.

    I know what you mean, but the dynamic isn't the same. Orton needs to make Ambrose the way Bret (a big-time veteran) made Austin (the unhinged newcomer). Rollins isn't the same.

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  8. YankeesHoganTripleHFanSeptember 22, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    Reigns is out for awhile huh? Two thoughts...First...damm. Second...your ball now Dean.

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  9. More referring to the intensity of the feud. The fact that Ambrose is on his own (Austin) fighting against Rollins and his associates (Bret and the Hart Foundation). The unwillingness of Ambrose to accept Cena's help, to be a lone wolf, while Rollins seeks help to defeat the threat to his becoming champion.


    Dean's receding hairline. You know, that type of thing.

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  10. Ah. In that sense, yes.

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  11. Um, Cena's Bret in any scenario where we try to recreate Bret/Austin. Cena even has the condescending face thing down that Bret had towards the latter half of the '90s, the moral superiority he amped up as a heel, AND a much more recognizable Five Moves of Doom. Cena IS this generation's Bret Hart.

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  12. I can afford one, but I don't know which one to get.

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  13. He doesn't need to. He's already a heel to between 60-70% of the crowd.

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  14. Yeah, but the difference there is that Bret started to cheat; Cena won't do that. That's a big problem, especially in how Bret turned the whole crowd against him (outside of Canada). I don't think that they have the guts to use Cena that way anytime soon.

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  15. If ya want Ambrose involved in the top storylines, you have to realize that he'll interact with and maybe even fight alongside fellow/top babyface Cena. That's the way of the world.

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  16. As I read this review I'm also listening to the NFL postgame show. Don't know what I find more perplexing: the first two hours of this show or Ray Lewis jobbing to the english language.

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  17. Fuck, at least when Bret had the pencil I was getting booked.. Screw this, I'm going to Japan..

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  18. "Yep Mode" ABeyAnce1©September 22, 2014 at 10:15 PM

    Geez, you'd think the post PPV show would get better ratings.

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  19. "Yep Mode" ABeyAnce1©September 22, 2014 at 10:15 PM

    Take Meltzer with you!

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  20. Cole did a great job emphasizing Rollins' cowardice with the sneak attack on Ambrose during the match with Kane, even standing up to JBL trying to compare it to NoC. Little surprised by how quiet the crowd was for the match except Ambrose was clearly playing to them, even though I can understand that Kane can put out a crowd's fire (a-ha).

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  21. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonSeptember 22, 2014 at 10:17 PM

    I wasn't on it.

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  22. "Yep Mode" ABeyAnce1©September 22, 2014 at 10:17 PM

    So now they are called fireflies, not bad actually.

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  23. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonSeptember 22, 2014 at 10:22 PM

    BoD Exclusive only on the BoD App.

    *Sitting on the hood of his Bugatti Jef Vinson is parked in the "No Parking Zone" in front of a large government building. The cops see him but do not give him a ticket . The cab driver in front of him is not so lucky and gets towed immediately.

    "Wah di hell mon? Wah yuh a duh?"

    Kick rocks, Shabba Ranks.

    These cops respect me. Most people do, but one rectal prolapse of a coc*BEEP named Bayless just doesn't get the memo. Everytime he puffs his bird chest out I'm forced to put my foot in his ass and twist is 360 degrees. It's become an annoying situation but I've learned something through this.

    *Hops off hood of the car and walks up the marble stairs*

    The greats are constantly tested. These tests try them to see if they will fold under the pressure. Time after time you come at me with your cohort of hateful hom*BEEP* in an attempt to shut me down but like the great that I am I excell and conquer.


    *Leaning against the marble column.*


    I now understand how Jordan felt. Every year the Knicks would do everything in their power to get that win against the Bulls. They'd change their lineup. They'd change their coach. They'd foul, they'd hack, start fights. But they just couldn't get the job done because Jordan would rise to the occasion and fight back the challenge. That is what I am, I'm the Michael Jordan of the BoD. In this scenario you would think you'd be Riley or Van Gundy. But you're not. You're not even good enough to be Patrick Ewing. He would at least get a win here and there in a series. You're the Charles Smith of the BoD. You can't do the simplest sh*BEEP* in clutch situations

    You're not smart enough to leave well enough alone, are you? I tried to conduct business with you, tried to spare you. I pitied you as a Special Ed teacher looks at a retarded kid for the first time and I tried to work with you. But now I see I'm wasting my time. Like my grandmama used to say, "You dun fu*BEEP* up now, boy."

    So let's make things interesting. I accept your challenge. But WHEN I win, and I WILL win you....

    *The interview is interrupted by a commotion at the door of the building, my valet comes out and round-house kicks the cop in the face, knocking him cold before she runs over and jumps in my arms.*

    Oh you didn't know that she got out today? Yeah, those charges you tried to pin on her got dropped. How did i get her out? Well there are TWO things I keep in my pants that are long.

    *Valet reaches in my pocket and pulls out my money clip*

    ONE is my money, the OTHER is my di...

    *Valet puts her hand back in my pocket*

    Damn baby. You know what? I'll tell you what I want at the BoD Arena NEXT week, Bayless.



    *Hops in the car while my valet rides shotgun.*


    Oh and Jobber I have one thing to say to you...........how was the TV?


    BWAHAHAHAhahahaha!!!


    *peels off*

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  24. I didn't watch the entire show, but I caught Henry/Rusev. That match was embarrassingly bad.

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  25. Swagger and Henry wouldn't be a bad team at all.

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  26. with rollins/ambrose, i think it would compare well to hhh/rock in the sense that they fight every step along the way.
    For hhh/rock, it was in the midcard for ic title, then while they were leaders of their respective factions and then for the world title. They helped make each other to main eventers.

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  27. I spent more time reading this than I did watching raw.

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  28. I thought El Gigante was intended for later -- the original promotion of WWIII was supposed to be a 'giant in each ring', El Gigante, The Giant, and The Yeti. Then Jorge couldn't get in the country or pass a physical and so Hogan became the third giant as "the giant of wrestling".

    Then again, I've heard Ron Reis do a shoot and say he was called in at the last minute as the Yeti, so maybe it was always supposed to be that way, although I don't see how El Gigante makes anymore sense as a Yeti...

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  29. So Bill Watts was on JR's podcast, I'm curious as to what his thoughts were on Wrestlemania 30, but I have no desire to listen to JR's shitty podcast.

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  30. I guess if they dyed the fur white, maybe it'd work.

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  31. I loved raw tonight. They made Ambrose look like a superstar and made Rollins look amazing as a heel. Plus I loved the interactions between Ambrose and Cena. Compare that to the Episode of raw a month ago or so where Reigns and Cena first interacted. Orton vs Cena didn't bother me because I get their desperate to keep the ratings from bottoming out and this their misguided attempt and it was just a back drop to the finish. Great stuff.

    Keep in mind I only saw the opening, the Kane vs Ambrose match and everything after and the last half of Orton vs Cena

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  32. The best way to describe it, totally goofy fun. Kind of un-WCW like in that regard actually.

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  33. I've never heard any of his but lots of people are saying its his best one ever.

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  34. It was a good show that moved the chains, as we say. Even the stuff I didn't like I could see the purpose of. So maybe 6.5 is low... but there wasn't actually any standout moments, hotshot title switch notwithstanding. If Raw does this every week I'll be happy.

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  35. You didn't think the opening of show was a stand out moment?

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  36. "Yep Mode" ABeyAnce1©September 22, 2014 at 10:55 PM

    Clearly you are the draw.

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  37. It was pretty good, but and the tension between Ambrose and Cena was pretty good and all, but I've just become numb to opening with a promo. I'd feel better about this show if you switch the title match and promo/brawl, I think.

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  38. I thought them just beating up the heels instead of just standing there getting a promo cut on you was such a breath of fresh air.

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  39. It was a great change of pace. But it's not enough of a deviation from the formula. Vince seems allergic to starting a wrestling show with wrestling, and I wish he'd learn that wrestling fans love watching wrestlers wrestle too.

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  40. See what happens when you make Parallax a main part of the show. 18 comments.

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  41. It also makes Ambrose stand out to all the fans. I wonder who books the shield guys stuff. Obviously standard wwe creative has their hooks in Reigns now but I wonder if someone else was handling the Shield and still handling Ambrose and Rollins

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  42. I do kind of hope Dutch has some influence in the midcard. Not just with the Shield -- the difference between Swagger/Rusev and Henry/Rusev is night and day. He's saved Swags' career this summer.

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  43. Plenty of feuds have had intensity over the years. And plenty of feuds have had the Lone Warrior battling against the heel and his associates.


    What set Austin and Bret apart was the double turn, the USA/Canada heel/face dynamic, and it also had a veteran making a new star.


    This is two new guys making each other stars. Someone else pointed out Rock/Triple H and that seems much more of an apt comparison.

    ReplyDelete
  44. CruelConnectionNumber2September 22, 2014 at 11:18 PM

    Henry vs Rusev was awesome. Henry sold like a million bucks. DUD? You dumb.

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  45. CruelConnectionNumber2September 22, 2014 at 11:22 PM

    Can't argue that the Kane/Orton/Rollins DQ fest crudded up an otherwise "okay"-ish show. Brie Bella's new music sounds like metal scraping together.

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  46. Nikki Bella is in the corner...with AJ Lee perched awkwardly on the top rope. Nikki is holding the rope to steady herself as AJ crawls on top of her...BLACK WIDOW!

    A submission move...while Nikki is holding the ropes!

    ...which she promptly lets go of and staggers a step away from...

    ...and promptly taps out.

    (Let those who can wrestle...wrestle. Let those who are only pretty...valet. It isn't rocket science.)

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  47. Halloween Havoc 95? Someone asked Scott to review it and Scott posted the link for his 2012 re-review of that show. Otherwise, that would be weird.

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  48. We just found out my dad's recent stroke was due, they feel, by his advanced heart disease. I should note that my grandfathers both died of heart attacks as well as two of my Uncles. To say it's scarring the crap out of me would be putting it mildly. I am this close to getting on the vegan bandwagon (yeah, I know) but I really don't want to be "artifically alive" for what I hope I can still make a long life.

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  49. OK. I guess that's in the new nitro rant I haven't read yet.

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  50. Not to mention that other botched move (or something) that even had Michael perplexed.

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  51. CruelConnectionNumber2September 23, 2014 at 12:54 AM

    No, Hogan was promoted as the 3rd Giant. I wish I was lying,,,

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  52. Heenan makes everything better.


    but besides that it would make sense because of his Hulk hate and managing of Andre. plus with his weasel character no one would be surprised Heenan made up the Andre is his father part if they decided to drop that part

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  53. Didn't watch Raw tonight but I'm watching a Raw from 2002 and holy shit I was impressed by a match between Molly Holly and Terr Runnels. I always thought Terri was a great valet as Marlena but never thought much as a wrestler(still don't) and this match wasn't a classic at all but Runnels busts out a nice slam AND a goddamn frankensteiner that looked pretty swank. Was shocking to see.

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  54. Are we done with Ziggler-Miz yet? The matches are fine; the feud itself just doesn't do much for me. I'd like to see Ziggler as IC champ move on to Rusev or Bo DallaS, while Miz-Sandow become a full-time tag team. (And if they win the tag titles, Miz always holds both belts like he won them by himself.)
    If Brock isn't in the cards for Hell In A Cell, I hope they go with Cena-Rollins and Ambrose-Orton for that PPV. Then at Survivor Series the main is an 8-man elimination tag with Rollins/Kane/Orton/HHH vs. Cena/Ambrose/Reigns and, I don't know, Big Show or whoever. (Or mystery partner Sting?)
    The dynamic between Ambrose and Rollins is such that they can have an off-and-on, long-term feud that doesn't need to be settled anytime soon. As somebody said earlier, they can be the HHH-Rock of this generation. Cena-Rollins can play like a "winner gets Brock" deal without specifically saying it, and Ambrose-Orton at least keeps Ambrose near Rollins.

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  55. It's actually technically correct. A roundhouse kick off the back leg. Just sounds stupid in a wrestling show.

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  56. Extant1979 - Ghetto SuperstarSeptember 23, 2014 at 1:23 AM

    If you think this is over, you're out of your mind. Keep it coming, Bayless. One of these days, it doesn't matter when, you, your administration and those pretenders you call tag team champs are going down! YOU HEAR ME? I want those belts!

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  57. Huh? There'll be nobody left to impregnate the noobs.. It's just the two of us.. Me, and him, and me.. Who do you think hooked him up with Destruction in Kobe when his feed went out?

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  58. The way they cross-promote 'Total Divas' is especially silly because it's unnecessary. Anybody who watches both shows could tell that the Summer-Natalya roadside fight happened sometime in May or June and not "last night." But if the wrestling announcers were to admit the fight happened a while ago but Summer and Natalya still hate each other, they could get away with it because even on 'Total Divas' the storyline is supposed to be that those two have a deep hatred that goes back months. That said, I really like Summer as an over-the-top character. She's just right for pro wrestling.

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  59. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 23, 2014 at 1:29 AM

    "Nikki makes a bi production"


    Honestly, Nikki and Brie doing a bi production is the only way to salvage this fucking thing.

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  60. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomerySeptember 23, 2014 at 1:30 AM

    This is where the brand split came in handy, when they had the wrestlers (and Stacy for some reason) on RAW and the eye-candy on SD.

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  61. In all seriousness, The Miz is currently the best character on RAW.

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  62. Teaming with Zack would have gone somewhere, if he could have only changed that tire.

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  63. Your points suffer for always saying "notwithstanding".

    Dolph and Miz have brought a lot of mojo back to the IC title.

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  64. I'm a fan of Reigns, but I think that Seth and Ambrose have better characters and more talent, so it's easier to come up with interesting stuff for them to do.

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  65. Yeah, near the end of the match I think Ambrose hit Kane with a tornado DDT from the turnbuckle, and right before he did it, he stared at the fans to no real reaction. Not the best crowd.

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  66. Its unreal the short sightedness. Ive been saying it for years. It's not like he cant just turn back babyface. It's not like he's doing Austin 2000 numbers.

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  67. I thought Natalya came off horrible in this episode. With her little pot shots at Summer ("Oh, I'm surprised you didn't hook up with any of the married ones.") and then starting and escalating the roadside fight, she is acting more immature than anybody in the cast when she's supposed to be the mature veteran.
    I was wondering how they'd play the storyline of Brie quitting WWE on screen. Glad that just played it straight and said it was just a TV thing and not real life. I assume they're going to do the same for the Brie-Nikki feud; just say right off the bat that it's made-for-TV and there's nothing real about it.

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  68. "Also, Sting and Luger and Savage can all come get some if they want to. Boy, that was more than a little bit of foreshadowing."

    Hogan doesn't turn for another EIGHT MONTHS and the following night on Nitro, Sting actually references this very promo and acknowledges that Hogan foreshadowed what he was eventually going to do.

    Kind of amazing when you think about how rushed, lacking continuity and forgettable everything is nowadays.

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  69. Evan Bourne had no charisma

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  70. Just about ready for his run as a mid card comedy face. RUSEV DANCE!!!

    HE'S DANCING MAAAAAGGGGLLLLLEEEEE!!!!

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  71. Sure they would.

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  72. First Raw in a few weeks that wasn't torturous to get through. Ambrose is guaranteed entertainment. Can't wait to see what happens when roman comes back.

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  73. It's mean to say, but Reigns' hernia may have been the best thing to happen to Ambrose. They need another face on top and it looks like they decided who #2 will be.

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  74. That's STEVE PERRY. Jesus fucking Christ, Meekin.

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  75. So a Yeti literally was hatched out of ice on a pro wrestling show and it is still more interesting than that WWF was doing ... I'm glad I lived overseas in 1995. Eurosport showed a lot of Japan so I got to see Scott Norton beating the shit out if people.

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  76. I blame the forum. I've been getting random upvotes on old meltdown threads.

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  77. If anyone thought that Yeti thing was confusing... Imagine watching the clips of it on WCW Saturday Night, Scramblevision style! I just saw glowing, and explosion, and Bischoff's "WHAT IS THHISS??" I was like, did a bomb go off or something??

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  78. Gobbledygooker > Yeti.

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  79. You didn't mention the fake earthquake in the arena. :(

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  80. Yep, but as he sort of said, they just hyped "3 rings, 3 giants" for several weeks, then maybe 1 week before the show, they did announce Hogan as the 3rd giant. As if it was a last minute "Plan B", and their real 3rd giant couldn't make it.

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  81. Is he related to Norm-AHN Smil-AY?

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  82. "Yep Mode" ABeyAnce1©September 23, 2014 at 5:35 AM

    Same for me too.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Robert Rodriguez is close...

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  84. I never got the chance to order a "Wake Me Up When it Reaches ****1/2" shirt!

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  85. Yep, plus we simply can't ignore that he was like 160 lbs soaking wet. I'm sorry, but I just can't picture him going toe to toe with guys twice his size.

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  86. HowmuchdoesthisguyweighSeptember 23, 2014 at 5:58 AM

    Just like Owen tried to be a tough guy... He just couldn't grow in his damn beard!

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  87. HowmuchdoesthisguyweighSeptember 23, 2014 at 5:59 AM

    I don't disagree. They tried treating him like a star for a few weeks. Didn't work. Was just an example of a guy they assumed being around Cena would change.

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  88. I remember the tag match where he beat Sheamus with the SSP. It was cool, but I was just thinking "No way this could regularly happen in singles matches". I think he really did go as far as he could with his lack of size. I did love his long tag title reign with Kofi though, was the perfect spot for both guys.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Extant1979 - Ghetto SuperstarSeptember 23, 2014 at 6:05 AM

    Aww, c'mon now. It's not that hard of a read...

    ReplyDelete
  90. "Fun fact: I nearly typed “Nikki Bela” during the Dracula ad. Make of that what you will."

    You're gay? I'm getting a gay vibe.

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  91. Im not booked.


    Where's my trampoline?

    ReplyDelete
  92. Yep, say what you will about WCW 1995, it was never boring.

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  93. That's your brain. Because you're retarded.

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  94. They should have Ambrose fight Lesnar and win the title at WrestleMania. Dean is just crazy enough that he would be deemed as a threat. It'd be an interesting dynamic to say the least.

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  95. And we're supposed to think Summer is this horrible person when Nattie is the one who is the one who is instigating everything.

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  96. It could happen. It'd say it's still around 70% Reigns, 20% Daniel, 10% Ambrose. But there's at least a small chance.

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  97. Koko, you are right about Natalya and thank you for pointing out a great line that Matt and I both missed putting in (we both were drinking wine while watching this one - not unusual) and perhaps Matt having to watch after I did (as he was watching Night of Champions first to review for our blog) was part of that. Of the two women, Summer Rae drove me a bit crazier on this, I'm not saying Nattie didn't technically start this, I just feel she could have let it go.

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  98. Nattie did start it, but Summer could have resisted egging her on, changing the subject, etc. Yes, I get this is a reality show and producers probably pumped all three of them up for a fight.

    ReplyDelete
  99. "It must have worked because someone just gave him their number and Matt responds with an animated fist pump while jogging in place."


    You capture my essence beautifully, Brian.

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  100. Yep; in my video collection. :) I'm watching it now.

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  101. Koko, I meant to respond to your directly, this is how tired I am responding that I did not just hit reply, my response to you is just a few comments up. :)

    ReplyDelete
  102. Don't blink.


    Shit....there you went.

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  103. Enough with the Mork shit already.

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  104. I'd be perfectly fine with Rollins and Ambrose carrying this company all fall.

    ReplyDelete
  105. YankeesHoganTripleHFanSeptember 23, 2014 at 7:17 AM

    In storyline terms where the heck were Heyman and Brock last night? Shouldn't Lesner be wanting to F5 Rollins to his death for attempting to cash in?

    ReplyDelete
  106. It's the first time I've enjoyed his character.
    I did enjoy him as well when he had the belt but Michael Cole over-doing it because a burden.

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  107. I remember that one! A nice carry job by Molly, that actually made Terri look good. For her part, Terri screwed nothing up.

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  108. Meh. When he's good and ready. In the mean time, Seth can worry about it.

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  109. It's a quote from Mork and Mindy, and he started doing it when Robin Williams died. He quotes it at the end of his review every week, and it has no relevance to the show at all. He's trying to be cute, but it comes across more annoying than anything.

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  110. Well, he couldn't get "Miz-Tista" over, so he has to try something else right?

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  111. There's a forum? etc.

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  112. I don't understand the constant need from some of these guys to get catchphrases "over". You're a writer, be a writer. You know what makes you unique? Your fucking prose -- not nicknames. Just write.


    Miz-tista
    Blog Otters
    et cetera.....


    .....shut up and write.

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  113. im still sitting by my phone waiting to get booked. i work for a free sandwich after my match and also help set up the ring!

    ReplyDelete
  114. I live in England and always use to watch Eurosport to get my obscure wrestling fix.

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  115. Just look at WCW in 95. Granted, this may have been the dumbest thing they did, but the fact that we even have to question it speaks volumes about the things they were putting out in fall of 95

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  116. Didn't it appear on nitro? Why the need for scramblevision

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  117. You are still in plans going forward.

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  118. Do you bounce on a trampoline to keep in shape while you wait to be booked?

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  119. People have no idea what is on the show since you have booked it into the fucking ground.

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  120. I gave them what you told me they wanted and comments went from 109 to less than 30.


    It's clear that you are not a draw

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  121. Nattie was hardcore awful this episode. Nearly every Diva was. But that's nothing new.

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  122. Martel's 1991 Rumble appearance is easily his best WWF work.

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  123. Well the fight did bring up ratings so expect more of the Nattie/Summer Rae feud for the next batch of episodes.

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  124. It's Hennig. Seeing Henning after all these years drives me insane.

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  125. The Concord gag never gets old; "Happy nightmares!" was good for a big laugh from me, as well.

    ReplyDelete

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