Skip to main content

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–07.31.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 07.31.95

Taped from Louisville, KY.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

For those who need their dose of nostalgia for these shows, Joey Styles has you covered…in Zubaz. Notable from this week in history in the Observer: Wrestling Challenge has its final taping after a pretty good decade of syndication, thus showing the drastic shift to cable TV that was about to change the business.

King Mabel v. Nick Barberri

Mabel pounds away in the corner, but the jobber puts up a bit of a fight before bouncing off him again. Mabel with an enzuigiri and he tosses Barberri and sends him into the stairs, but misses an elbow in the ring. Barberri tries another comeback, but gets flattened with an Avalanche and suplex to finish at 3:10. I think Vince said “Stridex pads” roughly 18 times here to make sure we know who’s sponsoring Summerslam.

Meanwhile, Fatu is still trying to make a difference, and he’s going to teach people that violence is wrong. However, cannibalism is apparently just fine.

Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler tries to interview Shawn Michaels, who seems pretty coked up to my amateur eye. Shawn tries to goad him into a match, but Lawler won’t bite.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Bob Cook

Bigelow throws him around the ring, but Bob hides in the ropes to get a breather and then throws his LEGENDARY RIGHT HANDS! Bigelow is staggered and an upset is imminent as you can hear Jim Ross screaming his head off at Gorilla, but Bigelow then ruins everything by suplexing him and going to the chinlock. Goddammit, this storyline writes itself and they’re fucking it up. Bigelow is a guy dressed in fire and Cook throws a right hand…DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A MAP? Also, WWF is going onto AOL or something. Bigelow finishes with the diving headbutt at 3:20 as my dreams of a Bob Cook push die. Vince trying to talk about “the internet” like he’s the cool dad is quite sad.

Meanwhile, Dean Douglas gives Bigelow a grade of F. Just because he’s ugly, see. That was somehow even weaker than the first Douglas promo.

Skip Bodydonna v. Major Yates

Speaking of Douglas, here’s the other third of the future version of the Triple Threat. Yates gets a rollup for two while Skip showboats, but Skip regains control and finishes with a superplex at 2:20. Skip was booked ridiculously weak, even in his squashes.

Summerslam Report Insider with Todd. So yeah, this was another Vince thing, as “insider” was becoming a buzzword and so this is no longer a report. Announced thus far: Diesel v. Mabel, Shawn v. Sid, Bret v. Yankem. This of course was subject to change.

WWF tag titles: Owen Hart & Yokozuna v. Razor Ramon & Savio Vega

Savio slugs away on Owen to start and stops to dance, but still keeps Owen in the corner for some double-teaming. Ramon tosses him and we take a break, returning with Razor hitting the blockbuster slam for two. Over to Yoko, but Savio manages to put him on the floor with a dropkick and he’s so excited that he just has to dance again. Yoko gets some advice from Mr. Fuji, but it’s pretty useless because he doesn’t speak Japanese. Back in, Savio controls Owen with armdrags but gets whipped into the turnbuckles and the heels finally take over. We take another break and return with the match BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as the babyfaces make the comeback and Razor hits the Edge on Owen for the pin and the titles at 12:40. However, Owen may not have been legal and this is the one time in wrestling history that someone actually pays attention and gives a shit, so Hebner owns up to it and THE MATCH MUST CONTINUE. Too bad he didn’t do that two years later. So we start again and Ramon tosses Owen off the top onto Yoko, and Savio beats on Owen in the corner before a small package gets two. And then we take another break and return with Savio getting a sunset flip on Owen for two, but Yoko misses an elbow and we take yet another break. Back with Razor crotching Owen in the corner and slamming him for two as Vince notes that they’ll restart the match next week if someone doesn’t win, and indeed time runs out and we go off the air without a finish after about 20:00 total. That was some eye-rolling stupidity right there. Match was meandering and had no real heat segment or finish, obviously. **

Next week: More of this crappy match as I wrap up Monday Night RAW on the Network for the time being! Also, Diesel v. Sir Mo, because 1995.

Comments

  1. Anyone following this business with Todd Pettingill crusading for the kid who was murdered by the self-proclaimed jihadist? (Talk about sequences of words I never dreamed I'd say/type...)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Was the in your house lumberjack match occur during these 4 weeks of tv tapings?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Any mention of Vince McMahon, the internet, and AOL is the same sentence demands that this be posted:

    http://nodq.com/features/273620163.shtml

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Diesel/Mo match was stupid because Diesel should have just squashed the guy and instead he let Mo get a lot of his offense in as they tried to work a real match.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anytime I hear "Buzz words", I think of the Simpsons episode where a bunch of executives throw around big words that stupid people use to sound important... I'm fired, aren't I?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah, it took me a minute to wrap my head around this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Discover the Best Sellers in Football Equipment
    http://smarturl.it/FootballEquipment3

    ReplyDelete
  8. So what was Razor originally going to do with Shawn and Sid doing their thing? Razor vs. Owen could have been pretty good.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good point. Don't think Razor had any storylines going on at that time especially with Jarrett gone from the company. Razor/Savio v YokOwen could have been a thing at Summerslam, but I expected YokOwen to defend the belts against Allied Powers.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Goddammit, this storyline writes itself and they’re fucking it up. Bigelow is a guy dressed in fire and Cook throws a right hand…DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A MAP?"



    .....yes. Yes you do. What are you talking about?

    ReplyDelete
  11. No, I don't think so. Pretty sure these tapings were right after IYH.

    ReplyDelete
  12. So the Network Raws end on August 7th,1995? They have literally only 2 more shows after that before the Monday Night War begins! Makes no damn sense.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hands of flame? Fists of fury? Hell i dunno

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fatu could have staged an intervention for Shawn if he really cared about making a difference.

    ReplyDelete
  15. At the very least, the time limit draw felt realisitc, as it was before we grew used to main event matches ending a mere few minutes before the end of the TV show 99.9% of the time. So here, they probably said "with TV time remaining". So I'll give them credit for that.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's say it's this new thing called sarcasm.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I agree, plus the whole time limit draw can keep guys strong too and make more people want to see the final conclusion the following week.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'd be a fan if they brought back announced time limits for matches--at least for TV matches. It would help explain shorter TV matches because guys are working a faster pace and taking more risks/leaving themselves open to pinfall because they are trying to win before a time limit.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Question: Vince you need to further improve your light weight division.....the belt seems almost meaningless. How will you improve this?

    WWFLive2: Yokozuna is on a diet! Perhaps an influx of Ethiopian talent would be appropriate.


    Me: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

    ReplyDelete
  20. Question: Vinnie Mac, what are your concens now that the warrior has joined wcw?

    WWFLive2: None! Whose left that wcw can take? Bruno Sammartino?



    That interview is comic gold... Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  21. It wasn't a draw, though, they just ended the show with the match still in progress. And they didn't say anything about TV time remaining.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I heard it Wednesday morning driving to work. His goofy lame morning show is getting KILLED in the ratings so he's trying anything at this point. It sounded really wierd tho.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Douglas said in a PM Torch interview back in 96 that he tried so hard to change the Dean Douglas vignettes to be more exciting and franchise, but Vince had a boring teacher growing up.and insisted that he only speak in a monotone dull voice. "Cause teachers are boring pal, fuck, kids hate them" he tried the same bullshit with austin--"you're never gonna talk--just Dibiase"

    ReplyDelete
  24. Time limits are awesome and much needed. And if used properly can totally build heat.

    ReplyDelete
  25. That and simply because it was diesel vs mo

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm right there with you; I don't get it, either. I was thinking Hellboy's Right Hand of Doom, but that's still obscure.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Guess this is the beginning of his transition from FM Morning Zoo jock to AM political talker. He'll get the "racist" and/or "Islamophobe" label, PLJ will "let him go" to avoid the "controversy", and before too long he'll be sandwiched between Hannity and Savage in a syndie deal. That or a gig on Fox News.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I remember time limits were brought back in 97-98ish WWF as they were there when I started watching in 1998, but disappeared again shortly thereafter IIRC.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Sarcasm referencing The Simpsons. Nothing more.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I keep picturing Bob Cook in these rants as "Crazy" Bob Cook of American Kickboxing Academy fame. It's not the same guy, at all, but I don't remember this jobber and he was everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I remember Chris Candido looking like hell as Skip. Dude had to be struggling.

    ReplyDelete
  32. A main event in any arena in the country!

    ReplyDelete
  33. True that. Making a difference......from the locker room!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Do you think Vince has his theme song play when he walks into a meeting?

    ReplyDelete
  35. AOL crashed for 20 minutes? Nahhhhh

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nah, I'd say the stuff was working pretty goddamn great for him in 1995.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Adam "Colorado" CurrySeptember 13, 2014 at 10:59 AM

    Time limit draws are fine on TV, but they should NEVER be used on PPV.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Odd booking with that tag match. How is it heelish to demand a rematch because the ref fucked up? And then to ban him when he didn't do anything? This just made everyone look bad.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I disagree. If used very infrequently they can be great and an extender of a feud. Like the botwinkle/hennig draw from the awa (which Bret and hbk lifted for wm11).

    ReplyDelete
  40. CruelConnectionNumber2September 13, 2014 at 11:36 AM

    Who names their kid "Major" as a sick joke?

    ReplyDelete
  41. CruelConnectionNumber2September 13, 2014 at 11:38 AM

    A mix of bad typos (you) and bad comedy.

    ReplyDelete
  42. CruelConnectionNumber2September 13, 2014 at 11:39 AM

    PPVs aren't taped at TV tapings.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Well, there was Major Payne.


    There was also that "T" guy that named his kid "Mr."

    ReplyDelete
  44. Was Skip's last name always "Bodydonna"? I always just remember him being "Skip" for a long time, then Zip came along and they were The Body Donnas, like it was a term, rather than their last name.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I love how you quote Meltzer as god when he has discredited you so much. Nearly as funny as that awkward video of you with the Owen Hart top on hahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm sad the match with Sid didn't happen at SummerSlam -- that three superkick finish was actually ingenious.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment