Friday, September 5, 2014

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–05.29.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.29.95

Taped from Binghamton, NY

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

More awesomeness from the production crew here, as Jarrett is cutting a promo during the cold open while Vince and Jerry make snide remarks. Only problem is that you can see the announcers standing there silently behind him!

Also, Diesel has apparently sustained damage to his elbow in between last week’s appearance and this one and had major surgery on his elbow. You’d think reconstructive elbow surgery would be enough to get the title off him, but NOPE.

Sycho Sid v. Mike Khoury

Of course, Native American Tatanka (you always have to say it as one phrase like that) is at ringside, but Sid dispatches this geek in less than a minute with the powerbomb anyway.

Meanwhile, Diesel is chilling in Birmingham with Dr. James Andrews. But that’s his framing elbow! That robs him of like 42% of his moveset! I do in fact remember that as a result we got Bret v. Sid as a last-minute replacement main event in Edmonton when they did a house show there at this point, and it only drew about 2000 people to the hockey arena. It was pretty sad.

Adam Bomb v. Bob Cook

Bob Cook without Jim Ross on commentary is just wasting everyone’s time. Bomb throws Cook around while Vince continues to mess with Lawler (“Here comes Bret Hart! Wait, just kidding.”) and Bomb finishes with the flying clothesline at 2:00 as he continues to flounder. Pretty impressive distance on the nerf footballs that he chucks into the crowd, however.

King of the Ring Report with Todd. It’s pretty hilarious reading the Observer at the time, because Meltzer (like everyone else) assumed it was a done deal that Shawn was winning and noted that if he wasn’t, the show could possibly go horribly wrong. Anyway, the main event for this atrocity is Diesel & Bigelow v. Sid & Tatanka and they were probably mystified as to why no one bought it.

Hakushi v. John Snakowski

Why don’t we have a Super Rare John Snakowski card in the Supercard game yet? He could have a +10 charisma bonus for his Power Ranger outfit, although his toughness level would only be 10 because he looks like someone’s nerdy dad. So anyway, Hakushi pulls out what appears to be Bret Hart’s severed head from a burlap sack, and this is actually a thing that happened on TV. Frankly I’m shocked Brock Lesnar hasn’t progressed to that point yet. Vince is remarkably unconcerned about the possibility of one his top superstars getting decapitated. He’s like “Oh, that’s just a fake, that wacky Hakushi.” Hakushi finishes the guy with a senton at 2:30. HE HAS A SEVERED HEAD IN HIS BAG! SOMEONE CALL THE FUCKING POLICE!

The WWF Hall of Fame is now a thing, inducting Antonino Rocca, Ernie Ladd and Ivan Putski. Ivan Putski? And people think standards are low now.

Vince McMahon brings out Alundra Blayze for an interview, and she says absolutely nothing except that she wants Bertha Faye. In retrospect she might as well have just not won the title back in the first place.

Men on a Mission v. Gary Scott & Aaron Ferguson

No entrances for some reason. MOM beats on Scott and Mabel gets a BAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP on him. The man can certainly sneer, better give him a World title match. Over to Ferguson, and suddenly 15 crooked cops run in and help him out for some reason. Back to Scott, who suffers the Avalanche from Mabel and belly to belly to finish at 3:40. So sadly the black population does not get their revenge on Ferguson this week.

Yeah I know, I’m already burning in hell, but I just couldn’t leave that softball hanging there.

King of the Ring Qualifier: Jeff Jarrett v. Undertaker

Jarrett runs away to start and tries the sneak attack, but Taker chokes him out in the corner and goes old school. Roadie trips him up, and Jarrett clotheslines him to the floor and sends him into the stairs to take over. Back in, Jarrett stomps away and adds a nice dropkick for two, then goes to work on the leg as we take a break. Back with Paul Bearer chasing the Roadie around, and Taker makes the comeback with the clothesline and chokeslam. A second one sets up the tombstone and that’s pretty much legal death for anyone at 10:50. I don’t think Jarrett was even on the PPV, was he? Pretty fun little match. **1/2

Next week: British Bulldog v. Owen Hart in another qualifier!

48 comments:

  1. Maybe this should be posted to the forum to get some eyes over there. Gotta move people to the forums. For the forums sake.

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  2. Hakushi pulls out what appears to be Bret Hart’s severed head from a burlap sack


    This is one of the cool things that come from people not paying attention. You could get away with doing stuff like this without the media and then the world having a meltdown.


    Didn't Ramon get hurt around this time too or was that kayfabe?

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  3. He got hurt, yes. That's why we were subjected to Savio Vega in the finals of KOTR.

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  4. The Latin sensation sweeping the nation!

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  5. Mabel: "Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. GIVE ME A RAISE!"

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  6. Men on a Mission vs a guy named Ferguson and that's all you got?

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  7. Maybe you can be a mod.

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  8. I'm sure Lesnar has some real deer heads hanging on his wall he could pull out of a box if need be.

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  9. The 1995 KOTR PPV is just a mess to think about. No titles defended, a tournament where a bunch of unproven, unover midcarders wrestle while the crowd sits on their hands, and some of the worst booking choices possible.
    Undertaker laying down to Mabel after the most simple run in in Undertaker history.
    Shawn having to carry Kama to a 15 minute TLD.
    4 Savio Vega matches
    a Semi-Finals of Mabel, Savio, and the least talented Armstrong brother.
    IC Champ isn't on the card, but a match of him is hyped for "tomorrow" night
    Owen Hart isn't on the card
    Bulldog isn't on the card
    Luger isn't on the card

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  10. "Over to Ferguson, and suddenly 15 crooked cops run in and help him out for some reason."

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  11. Adam "Colorado" CurrySeptember 5, 2014 at 11:27 AM

    "My daddy had to go to rehab because he hurt his back."
    "Well, I hurt my nose."

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  12. TJ: OK I think I'll skip around a bit on these later 96 Nitro's. Partly because I don't have the patience to sit through them all, mostly because some of them just aren't very good. I'll look through the John Petrie Nitro archive at rspw.org to weed out the bad episodes.

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  13. Sadly for us, Vince McMahon finally got round to watching Rocky 1 that weekend.

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  14. He finally watched Rocky 2 in time for Mick Foley's 1st improbable title win.

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  15. I was thinking randomly about the KOTR this week and think they could have done a pretty cool story with 4 Million Dollar Corperation members winning their away into the KOTR quarters and you have the announcers sell the fact that it'd be a foregone conclusion that one of the Million Dollar Guys will take home the trophy so you can have someone like Shawn Michaels overcoming the odds and winning the thing.

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  16. Considering Diesel's injury, and the fact they didn't even have him defend the title, you could just keep him off the card completely and make it the HBK Show. PRetty much any fantasy booking ideas are better than what we got. I don't even think lackluster is appropriate for how underwhelming that show was watching it live. It was just junk.

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  17. Totally agree about making this the Shawn show. They should have made the KOTR tourney the main draw that year, and you could have Diesel be the guest commentator for the finals because the winner of the finals would face him at Summerslam.

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  18. Mock Tourney idea:

    Sid, Tatanka, IRS, and Bundy advance. Sid can run to the finals. Bam Bam can get by Tatanka in the 1st Round, and Tatanka can cost him the Semi's to Sid. Shawn can go over IRS, and Bundy can squash Holly. Shawn over Bundy in Semi's, Shawn over Sid in Finals. Dude already flopped in the first IYH Main Event. Just put Shawn over him here.

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  19. Did Bob Cook at least get to show off the best left hand in the business?

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  20. That's a pretty good deal. Though I was also thinking that they could have held of Bam Bam's face turn as he's still with the Corporation this point. Bam Bam makes his way to the semis to face Shawn, and they could do a backstage bit where DiBiase instructs Bam Bam to just injure Shawn and not win the match. Bam Bam gets pissed thinking DiBiase doesn't believe in him so he goes out and wrestles a straight match with HBK coming out on top then the next night on Raw, DiBiase blames Bam Bam for not being a team player and costing them the KOTR trophy that DiBiase fires him and kicks of Bammer's face turn or something.

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  21. That works, too. Shawn over Bundy, Bam Bam, and Sid to set up Shawn vs. Diesel and maybe turning Diesel heel for the Fall would've been awesome.
    We got King Mabel.

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  22. That'd be perfect in selling Shawn as the ultimate underdog who has to go through 3 big monsters in one night. You can have Sid get a buy into the finals too to really hammer the point home.

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  23. I never understood why, other than 1993, they didn't put over a face strongly in 3 matches at the KOTR. Rikishi kinda had the storyline in 2000, but the execution was flawed and that was Angle's tournament to win, so it didn't matter. They tried plucky underdog Savio, but it's Savio Vega. No one cared, and he got by on a lame finish with Yokozuna and went over part-time worker Roadie. Hardly an awe-inspired performance.

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  24. Even though Shamrock only wrestled 2 matches, he looked pretty dominant winning the 98 tournament, but generally speaking you're right. KOTR would be a great way to make someone into a star, but it rarely happened.

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  25. The ending of the Taker/Jarrett match always gives me goosebumps. I was so sure that Jarrett would somehow cheat and win (Maybe interference from Kama), so the ending sequence of 2 chokeslams and the tombstone, followed by Hebner's SUPER SLOW 3 count... The crowd going crazy, and it's like "Wow, it actually happened! Taker won!!"

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  26. Shamrock's win felt like a back-seat to the double main event that night, and once the show was over, the PPV might as well have left the entire Tournament aspect off the table. Mankind stole the show, and they swerved us good with Kane winning the title, setting up a hot rematch the next night.

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  27. And This Raw must have been heaven for that poster who always says "Why isn't Taker wrestling on this Raw?"

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  28. "I do in fact remember that as a result we got Bret v. Sid as a
    last-minute replacement main event in Edmonton when they did a house
    show there at this point, and it only drew about 2000 people to the
    hockey arena. It was pretty sad."


    But... but... so many people here talk about how Bret was a HUGE star in Canada and was on Lonesome Dove and the Simpsons in the mid-90s. That can't possibly be true!

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  29. "The WWF Hall of Fame is now a thing, inducting Antonino Rocca, Ernie Ladd and Ivan Putski. Ivan Putski? And people think standards are low now."

    This was 1995, the first ceremony was in 1994 (Andre was the first inductee in 1993, but there was no ceremony). Ivan Putski was at least a draw in the 1970s. The year before James Dudley was inducted. The only thing he ever did was drive Vince Sr.'s limo and walk around the ring waving a towel.

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  30. The advertising was Sid v. Diesel. Bret was subbed in the night of the show.

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  31. Was Bret ever advertised for the show before that?

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  32. Nothing more than "Also, Bret Hart does something!" The WWF was ice cold at that point and basically had no presence on Canadian TV either, with RAW delayed nearly a week on TSN and Superstars long dead as a syndicated show. It's not surprising numbers were so bad.

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  33. Makes sense to me. So you're saying Lonesome Dove didn't set the world on fire in The Great White North?

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  34. It's sort of weird that the two severed heads in wrestling I can think of are tied together by Bret Hart, one being this one and the other being the one of Hogan he gave to Hogan before Starrcade 97. Maybe they should have given Bret the Waylon Mercy character in WCW.

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  35. I will just say that I loved how Cornette used the "Great white north" line once during the 1996 International Incident PPV.... In Vancouver... In July... Um, nope. MAYBE Winnipeg in October 1995, but just nope!

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  36. What does everybody wwaannttt??

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  37. I liked Ivan Putski. :P

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  38. Polish Hammer > Bull Hammer

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  39. I'm surprised Rock didn't win 98. What was the smark reaction to that?

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  40. Jarrett/Undertaker is a KOTR qualifier in 1995 and just about 2 and a half years later it'd be a PPV match. On paper that doesn't really seem like a good matchup since Jarrett doesn't throw himself around and he can't believably beat Taker. At least the D-Generation X match was built as punishment.

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  41. And father Big Dick, Bubba Ray, D-Von, Spike, Dances With, Sign Guy and Dudley Dudley!

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  42. I think the belief was that Rock was bulletproof so he could afford to take those losses.

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  43. One of the producers of Lonesome Dove confided in Bret, with tears in their eyes, that his performance was one of the greatest they've ever seen, and he deserved an Emmy.

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  44. Jarrett can bump around if the situation calls for it, but the KOTR match should have been more competitive given Jarrett was the IC champion.

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  45. I'd have put Hakusi over Bret at IYH instead of Lawler, so that feud could continue at KOTR.

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