Saturday, September 6, 2014

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–06.05.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 06.05.95

Live from Struthers, OH.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

For some reason the sound on this episode is super-compressed and tinny, like it’s from a RealPlayer file in 1997 or something.

Caribbean Legend Savio Vega v. Kenny Kendall

The legend that no one ever heard of until a week before this! Savio slugs away in the corner but Kenny fires back and talks trash. The man’s a legend! It says so right in his ring introduction! Savio elbows him down and finishes with some sort of abdominal stretch variation at 2:00. He’s Razor’s buddy! You should totally cheer him no matter how boring he is in the ring!

Meanwhile, Diesel leads the New Generation! Right to plummeting buyrates and cancelled house shows. Oddly, ratings hit record highs around this point, but held no correlation with anything that actually made money for the company.

Meanwhile, The Bodydonnas warm up before the next match. My wife’s commentary on it: “His penis looks tiny!” I decide to spare her the gory details of how their relationship ended up because why kick a guy when he’s down?

Skip Bodydonna v. Barry Horowitz

And so Sunny makes her RAW debut and completely eclipses her poor boyfriend right away. Barry with a pair of hiptosses, but Skip hits him with a gutwrench and goes up with an elbow. Candido is just ridiculously bloated here, looking like he can barely move. Top rope legdrop finishes at 2:37.

King of the Ring Report with Todd. Were they seriously promoting Roadie v. Bob Holly as a match that people would want to spend money on?

King of the Ring Qualifier: Owen Hart v. British Bulldog

We’ve switched to Jim Ross & Gorilla Monsoon on commentary and we’re now in a totally different arena. A quick check reveals that in fact this was a dark match from the first In Your House PPV that has been repurposed as a qualifying match, and thus is nearly a month old! In fact, Davey was busy with his assault trial in Calgary at the point this show was airing. Smith overpowers Owen and works on the arm to start, then follows with a delayed suplex for two. We hit the chinlock as they take their time and telegraph the draw (whoops, spoiler) from a mile away. We take a break and return with Owen hitting the leg lariat for two. JR is already pointing out that we’re 10:00 into a 15:00 time limit. Owen with the sleeper, but Bulldog escapes with a backdrop suplex and gets a sunset flip for two. Owen puts him down with another leg lariat for two, but Bulldog slingshots him into the corner and follows with a Perfectplex for two. Davey with the bow-and-arrow hold, which gets two. Powerslam gets two as the announcers try to build up excitement for this match that is clearly not there. Bulldog with a small package for two. Crucifix gets two. Owen with his own cradle for two, but Bulldog reverses for two. Owen with a sunset flip for two and backslide for two, but time expires at 15:00. And it’s EXACTLY 15:00, so kudos to the timekeeper. Hopefully he doesn’t get fired in petty cost-cutting measures 19 years from this match. ***1/2

So with no winner there, we are once again left to the devices of Jack Tunney to figure out the solution.

Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler hasn’t washed his feet in weeks, in preparation for the Kiss My Foot match.

Bret Hart joins us to warn Lawler that he’s going to shove Lawler’s own foot down his throat after he wins.

Jean Pierre LaFitte v. Jerry Flynn

Hey, it’s Goldberg’s favorite jobber! LaFitte tosses him and hits a tope, and back in for the Cannonball senton to finish at 1:26. Much more impressive squash than his debut, and he’s already noticeably dropped muscle mass and moving faster.

Bob Backlund campaigns to an empty parking lot to wrap it up for the week.

Next week: Yokozuna v. Lex Luger in the real King of the Ring qualifier!

Good match from Bulldog & Owen, although why they felt the need to pull out a taped match from weeks earlier instead of just doing the Yoko-Luger match in the first place is a mystery to me.

51 comments:

  1. "I decide to spare her the gory details of how their relationship ended up because why kick a guy when he’s down?"

    As in dead?

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  2. That, and she was getting the high hard one from everyone else but him in exchange for narcotics...allegedly....

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  3. In wrestling there's really only one, unforgivable crime, and that's whining.


    Seriously, what face has survived being painted with the whiner brush?

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  4. Sam is learning about the White Walkers in Oldtown, apparently they have an internet connection there.


    GO FUCK GILLY!

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  5. That's a great comparison, plus most of Scott's posts about himself are A) actually relevant to wrestling and B) funny.

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  6. Why did they pull a tape match from a month ago on a rare live broadcast of raw? Makes no sense.

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  7. Tons of guys in this era are bloated as fuck from all the roids, absolutely no definition but they're bigger and i guess that's all that mattered to Vinnie Mac.

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  8. I don't take kindly to your despairing remarking about Diesel.

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  9. It's kinda crazy to think that Pierre's pirate gimmick was ahead of its time. Paul Burchill's timing was spot on to come on the scene right when Pirates of the Caribbean Mania was running wild, so naturally the idea got aborted immediately.


    World Wrestling Entertainment: Cutting the legs out from under guys that are "too over" since the turn of the century.

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  10. Also, apparently they signed Savio to a deal WAY before he even debuted as Kwang. They just kept him stashed in PR until they had a gimmick for him.

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  11. God the Northeast had to put up with garbage booking

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  12. Holy shit- JERRY FLYNN jobbing on RAW?!? That's like some kind of weird parallel universe. And yes, Savio Vega utterly sucked. He maybe had one or two good matches in his WWF career (oddly, against Goldust, who usually sucked ass and was lazy in the ring at that point).

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  13. It reminds me of Triple-H, actually- he was occasionally quite cut, but after a point he just started putting on INSANE amounts of mass and bulk.

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  14. I've lived my whole life in Ohio and visited a lot of podunks but never heard of Struthers. I see it's in "Stiller" country, so it's basically Westeren PA. Which, after sleeping with a gal from Pittsburgh, I learned is not really part of Pennslyvania.

    I have no point to this post.

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  15. How about re-titling your columns as MeekinOnMeekin?

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  16. I watched that Goldberg vs Jerry Flynn match the other day. Flynn got in a surprising amount of offense. Worked in a lot of MMA stuff that was ahead of it's time. Not really sure why the guy was a jobber.


    Oh yeah, this show sucked. Sunny's hot so there is that.

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  17. 99% of wrestling fans are self hating slimeballs.

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  18. Why are you tucking a t-shirt into jeans?

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  19. His feud with Steve Austin was pretty good.

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  20. So Skip DID have a win against Barry Horowitz!

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  21. That and the whole Vince didn't know what PotC was thing...

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  22. The saddest story(besides the blood clot that killed him) is probably Chris and Tammy "bartering" Tammy for coke from Ahmed Johnson, and then Tammy spending the night with HBK; Chris quit the WWF the next day.

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  23. I seem to recall he condoned this, though, in order for them both to get drugs...allegedly.

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  24. Struthers is in Mahoning County. It's a suburb of Youngstown, one of the most dangerous cities in the US. (On Detroit's Wikipedia page, Detroit is compared favorably against Youngstown.) Struthers is pretty much the bottom of the barrel for putting on a wrestling show. I have no idea how the WWE ended up there in 95.

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  25. I allegedly want to go back in time with a bagful of drugs.

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  26. yea the strap match i thought was great!

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  27. probably vince got a cheap fee for the night.

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  28. ha yea trips used to have the build of a cruiser weight back in the day.

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  29. As an eastern Pennsylvanian, i know that if you'll bang a broad from Pittsburg you'll bang anybody.

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  30. Can't fire the time keeper. He might jump to TNA.

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  31. self promotion for his dating site??

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  32. leelee would you ever consider dating the new and improved meekin? lol

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  33. you new around here?

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  34. your really naming your muscles?

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  35. that first pic he had to be approaching 500 lbs.

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  36. Meekin how many toilet seats have you broken in your lifetime??

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  37. Bret Hart said he worked insanely stiff and dangerous. Might be something to that, plus he didn't have a great look and to our knowledge didn't have the mic skills.

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  38. YankeesHoganTripleHFanSeptember 7, 2014 at 8:20 AM

    Is it true that Jerry Lawler was so traumatized by having to kiss his own foot that he started a feud with The Undertaker and brought in Taker's lost lost half brother Fake Diesel? I'm serious, as a Hogan fan I was watching WCW at that point plus the Yankees were starting to get good so I was paying attention to baseball more and more....

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  39. MaffewOfBotchamaniaSeptember 7, 2014 at 8:24 AM

    I liked Savio Vega, but I wouldn't have liked him half as much if Vince hadn't shouted ''SAVIOVEEEGAAA!!'' every time he came out.

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  40. Edwards nailed it. He's a common annoyance that unites the board.

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  41. This article reinforces every negative perception of you. I'm not going to pile on because you're never going to learn and I accept that. That said good job on being a less fat guy.

    Oh and your first picture makes it look like you could roll down the street like a basketball.

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  42. It's okay to name exactly one muscle, and I think we all know which one it is.

    Yes, the left ACL.

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  43. I tried to give the whole article a chance, but that Holmes line made me remember "wait a minute, the whole article is gonna be like this. Skimming it is."

    I'm no pumpkin kitten, I guess.

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  44. Just the seat? He looks he could cause more than one toilet to explode.

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  45. If you read the whole spiel you'll turn to our side.

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  46. Had anymore threesomes recently, Meekers?

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  47. Why...why...was this posted. I'm glad you're losing weight, but NOBODY GIVES A FUCK about your personal life, your "jokes" are awful and this has nothing to do with DDP yoga,this is a glorified diary entry. Go fuck off and post this on YOUR OWN BLOG, none of us here care. Self indulgent bullshit.

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  48. Man, lot of vitriol with these comments. It's insulting to say if you don't like it, don't read it. The people that post on this site are really clever and for the most part, consistently funny. But, if you don't like it, don't read it. Does it have the slightest bit to do with wrestling? Nope. But some of the wrestling stuff on the site isn't the greatest either. And Scott used to do UFC and Big Brother stuff, which had nothing to do with wrestling. To be honest, I'd rather read about Meekin's journey than another vanilla NXT recap or about a 1999 Thunder (I lived it once and barely survived to tell the tale). It's okay to not be judgmental and just say "Pass."

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  49. Why would anyone think that anybody would want to see a picture of some guy with an IV in his arm?


    I guess it's better than your colostomy bag photos, so there's that

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  50. You remind me of a much worse version of those fat people who lose weight and then become obnoxious about posting happy, skinny pictures of themselves on Facebook.

    Lesson of the day: You can lose weight and improve your life, because science, but be careful of overcompensating with your newfound "confidence" and becoming a self-obsessed twat.

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  51. Lamictal? You should've asked them to give you Topamax instead. (Or even Neurontin, although that seems to have withdrawal symptom issues.)

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