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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–06.12.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 06.12.95

For those keeping track of the news at the time in the Observer like me, this would be the week where WCW announced that they were going live in August with a new show on Monday nights in what was considered a suicide mission by most people. Perhaps that hadn’t seen this week’s show.

Taped from Struthers, OH

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Duane Gill

Bigelow’s babyface outfit is just ridiculous, with brightly colored flames now and superhero boots. Gill actually pounds away for a bit, and goes up and gets caught. Diving headbutt finishes at 2:30.

WAYLON MERCY is reflecting on nature, and he’s gonna smash any wrestlers that crawl on him, much like a worm on his arm. Know what he means? This character was ridiculously far ahead of its time, and it’s still a shame that Dan Spivey’s body couldn’t hold up.

Meanwhile, the Smoking Gunns play with Pogs. The WWF is back…IN POG FORM!

Kama v. David Haskins

So this is the start of the “emo hipsters at ringside” angle building to the Undertaker feud, as there was two Velvet Underground fans that followed Kama around and just sat there looking creepy. This led exactly NOWHERE. I mean, Kama already stole the urn and melted it down, the angle was done. Kama pounds away in the corner and finishes with a Rock Bottom at 2:00. This angle was death. Pun intended.

King of the Ring Report with Todd. Nothing here. Here’s Meltzer’s take on the rumors at the time: For whatever reason, the rumors floating around are that either Mabel or Roadie will win King of the Ring, with Mabel rumor having the most talk. While either one would qualify as a surprise, the idea of booking is to build to things that will make money and not to simply fool the public. Neither of these guys is going to draw money and Michaels is the one with potential to draw money. If Mabel wins, Shawn has to lose in the semis to him. If Roadie is to win, either Shawn or Undertaker can go to the finals. They were already pushing on television this weekend the idea that there is dissension between Roadie and Jarrett.”

Come on, Dave, when would they ever book something so fucking stupid just to mess with people? That’s crazy talk. Stop talking crazy.

Meanwhile, Yokozuna eats rice to prepare for his match tonight.

Man Mountain Rock v. Bob Cook

Before Cook can even unleash his awesome left hand, Rock takes him down and finishes with the arm bar (called “The Whammy Bar” by Vince) at 0:55. SEE, HE PLAYS THE GUITAR! IT’S A PUN! GET IT? GET IT?!?

Meanwhile, Mr. Bob Backlund rages against the machine, and Man Mountain Rock’s guitar playing in particular. I wonder if he read that the crawling stone mystery has actually been solved?

Tekno Team 2000 v. Mike Khoury & John Crystal

FUCK ME it’s Tekno Team 2000. So, and here’s one to wrap your head around, Chris Benoit got a pair of tryouts at these tapings, doing a **** match with Owen Hart and a ***1/2 match with Adam Bomb, but ERIK WATTS got the job. See they’re “Troy” and “Travis”, and I don’t even know what the deal with this was supposed to be. Are they from the future like the New Breed was? Say what you will but at least those guys committed to the bit. These two goofs don’t even get last names. Speaking of goofs, Crystal and Khoury are actually wearing matching cut-off jean shorts as this may be the worst congregation of bad ideas and/or wannabe male strippers I’ve ever seen. Travis finishes one of the jobbers with a flying bodypress at 3:25. Mankind as a species should probably YouTube this for the good of the human race so that the mistakes contained therein are never repeated again. And you know what’s awesome? Even WWE rips on this as a terrible idea!

 

Meanwhile, oh, but it gets BETTER. Because apparently Bob Backlund accidentally broke Man Mountain Rock’s guitar in his previous freakout two segments ago, and Rock is CRYING over it in the dressing room.

King of the Ring Qualifier: Lex Luger v. Yokozuna

OK, Luger doesn’t have a title on the line or Mr. Perfect as the referee, so you’d think he would have no excuse to fuck this one up. And oh yes, the legendary bullshit continues on this show, as SCOTTY RIGGS is the flagbearer for Luger, and even gets named by Vince on commentary. How low do you have to sink in your career to take a job as Luger’s flagbearer? This is a job done by CHILDREN previous to this. UGLY children from towns unlucky enough to get RAW tapings in 1995, so we’re talking real “chlorine bleach in the gene pool” level kids here. Luger waves the flag aggressively at Yoko and works the arm as I hope to god we’re not getting a 15:00 Broadway in this one. Luger slugs away and hits Yoko with the forearm to knock him out of the ring. Back in, Luger fires away in the corner, but get choked out after some managerial distraction. Luger is more like CHOKE-A-ZUNA, am I right guys? HIGH FIVE! UP HERE! Too slow. Obviously it loses something when you can’t see me pulling my hand away at the last second, but take my word for it, it happened. Probably during the break when tape machines were rolling. So yeah, back from the break with Luger making the comeback and trying to qualify for a tournament so lame that The Roadie is already a part of it, but sadly poor useless Scotty Anton gets beat up by Mr. Fuji while defending the flag, and Yoko runs Luger into the post in all the chaos and wins by countout at 10:00. Yes, Luger managed to lose because YOKOZUNA was able to move faster than him. I like to imagine that immediately after this taping he got a call from Eric Bischoff about a new show WCW was launching in August. DUD

Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler walks around in fresh horseshit. Somehow that feels like a metaphor for the promotion at this point.

Next week: Nothing announced, perhaps because they just assumed that every human being in the US had already turned the show off out of disgust by this point and thus there was literally no one left to advertise to.

Comments

  1. I really want to see that Benoit/Bomb match.

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  3. Seems weird in hindsight, but I think WWF did have some big plans for Roadie if he had stuck around in 95. He had an impressive win over the Kid at the following IYH and he was going to feud and face Jarrett at Summerslam, where he'd presumably win that feud too. Not sure where he'd go after that feud though.

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  4. That's awesome! Tell me more. I want to feel that freedom.

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  5. What kind of finisher was that on Tekno Team 2000? You turn your back to your opponent and then do a cross body.
    What kind of name is Tekno Team 2000? Is it like the video game with the awesome tecmo bowl? Why 2000? 3000 is better.

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  6. WWF has some of the most stupid names at this time: roadie, diesel, mable, mo, man mountain rock, troy, travis. Next year, you had mankind and ringmaster
    None of those are shake in my boots scary or intimidating.

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  7. I always felt they could have done another Lex Express angle around this time where they hype up Luger getting a title shot and when he fails, he turns heel and finally draws money for the company.

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  8. Mankind the Mutilator, his original serial killer-themed named, was pretty awesome.

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  9. Roadie is an okay name for a midcard act and Diesel sounds pretty badass and Foley made the Mankind name work.

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  10. The recap of that Yoko/Luger match is hilarious. Well done.

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  11. should have kept that or drop the mankind

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  12. I feel that if Benoit had gotten a contract around this time that his run would have ended up being pretty disastrous namely with the Kliq wanting to bury him as well as Vince's own prejudices. Benoit made the right call to come into the company in 2000 where he had a fairer shake at becoming a star.

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  13. So sue me, I found the Lawler feet bits amusing in a completely ridiculous sort of way. Never say that Jerry didn't commit to his stupid angles.

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  14. Eh, it's not really fair to say the Kliq would have tried to bury him right away.

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  15. In his first book Foley thought the Mutilator name would have killed the gimmick dead.

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  16. They buried every other talented guy guy during this time. Plus he's Canadian. Has Shawn ever been nice to a Canadian?

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  17. It was a suicide mission. Just took a long time for the patient to die.

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  18. jericho? had 2 epic feuds with him

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  19. That was during the nice guy Shawn phase. Doesn't count.

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  20. TJ: Watching Summerslam 2008 (good show!), any who doubt the wrestling talent of HHH witness him carrying Khali to a watchable match.

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  21. Did You Know: Duane Gill won more WWF titles than Bam Bam Bigelow.

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  22. If I could alter past WWF booking in any way I'd for sure give Bigelow a WWF title run. Not saying it'd even work, I just want to give him the chance.

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  23. Or at the very least a tag title run.

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  24. ANY title run. But might as well try the biggest one.

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  25. Well the IC title just would have been weird. Either has to be the world where he gets booked like WCW's Vader or tag titles where he gets booked like the new Natural Disasters.

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  26. Another TJ: Dean Ambrose is confused

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=dCnF50chQ3I

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  27. Um, I hope you mean just WWF titles.

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  28. No more weird than OMG with the US title.

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  29. That was weird and should have never been a thing.

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  30. I believe that's what I wrote. But I also believed "twelfth" to be a misspelling, so what do I know?

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  31. You'd prefer Kensuke Sasaki?

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  32. rick martel; they had an agreement not to hit each other in the face

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  33. Well sure there's been some bad IC/US champs. Quite a lot in fact. But there's never really been a precedent where a big fat guy holding the #2 title in the company actually worked.

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  34. I actually read that as Kenzo Suzuki and I was like "WTF, he had the US title at one point too?"

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  35. That's a stretch.

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  36. WWF had a pretty poor track record making stars around this compared compared to 2000.

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  37. I was seriously coming in to post that.

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  38. I'm talking about the kliq comment.

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  39. I have looked many times before, but any footage that might have existed is obviously never leaving the WWE library again. The Owen Hart match is also supposed to be legendary and I remember people on RSPW who saw it going nuts over it at the time.

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  40. Adam "Colorado" CurrySeptember 8, 2014 at 12:21 AM

    Jericho was born in NYC.

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  41. Well you got Kevin Nash who openly called him a vanilla midget and Shawn who had a reputation of being one of the biggest dicks in the locker room.


    I think the only reason Benoit survived the HHH regime in 2000 was because HHH knew Benoit could make him look good in the ring so always wanted to semi-protect the guy incase they were ever programmed together. Shawn had no such inhibitions because he could make himself look good no matter who he was in the ring with.

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  42. Adam "Colorado" CurrySeptember 8, 2014 at 12:21 AM

    Who is the other guy in TT2000? He looks familiar.

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  43. Chad Fortune. He was a jobber in WCW aftr his WWF run.

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  45. Saw the Owen-Benoit match at a TV taping in Johnstown PA. **** is conservative. I was 13, had only been watching regularly for maybe a year, had never heard of Benoit, but quickly realized this dude with Cornette was pretty special. Still the best match I've ever seen live. And I saw Coach/Snow vs Lawler/JR live, so.

    I thought he could have gone to the WWF if he wanted but chose WCW as not to screw up his NJPW gig, was that not the case?

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  46. Adam "Colorado" CurrySeptember 8, 2014 at 12:45 AM

    Yeah, I remember him.

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  47. "MEW-TIL-LAY-TOR."

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  48. I think Adrian Adonis would have been a better AWA TV Champ than Greg Gagne.

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  49. Mabel's push in '95.
    THEDEMONKANE's and Big Show's pushes version 29.0 in 2014.
    Vince is a genius.

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  50. An agreement Sherri insisted on, let's not put that on Shawn.

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  51. Haha holy shit was Lex Luger just treated like garbage for his last year in the WWF- I would have quit, too. Watching guys like Luger, Shawn & Taker get screwed in the KOTR tournament makes it all the more ridiculous that Mabel won.

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  52. Isn't there a story floating around that Bischoff didn't really want Luger back, and low-balled him on the offer? And Lex accepted just to gtfo of WWF? Seems like I read that on this blog recently.

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  53. 1st.. LOVE the name..
    2nd.. More than a story. Bischoff said that's what happened way back on the original Monday Night Wars DVD and they've been re-using that footage on the MNW show on the WWE Network,.

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  54. Yeah, Benoit only jobbed to HHH his first night in 2000. At least it was a main eventer. Benoit jumps in 1995, he's not even making it to Raw and jobbing to Mantaur and Duke the Dumpster Droese on Superstars.

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  55. "I have more belts than I have fuckin' pairs of pants!"


    genius

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  56. This is quite the bad show. I was trying to get through the Raws until I decided to watch more of the Nitros and I'm glad that I did.at least things improve late in the year.

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  57. Couldn't have been worse than dealing with Sullivan.

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  58. I love how even though it's all scripted, we still endlessly mock Lex Luger for being a choker like that's his real reputation. Just goes to show how much of an impact certain angles can have if they're executed right or done enough times.

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  59. There was no better Pog for Milhousse to have in that episode than Alf. It was perfect.

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  60. When Triple H is on he's one of the best wrestlers on the planet. That's what makes it so frustrating the times when he isn't on.

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  61. Bisch says on the Monday Night Wars that he didn't like Lex personally or professionally, but Sting kept asking him to bring in Lex. He said he offered Lex 100k a year in order to appease Sting and assumed Lex would decline. Much to Eric's surprise, Lex was so desperate to get out of the wwf that he accepted.

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  62. It was Sting that kept after Bischoff on Luger's behalf. Bisch said he had heard stories about working with Lex but trusted Sting.

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  63. and honestly who could blame him? WWF was just terrible and Luger was basically a jobber at this point.

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  64. That would have meant Suzuki beating Cena, and that's just crazy talk.

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  65. " If Mabel wins, Shawn has to lose in the semis to him."

    WWF: "GOTCHA!! He didn't even make it to the semis!!!"

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  66. So this is the start of the “emo hipsters at ringside” angle building to the Undertaker feud, as there was two Velvet Underground fans that followed Kama around and just sat there looking creepy.

    Um, is Canada really confused about music or what?

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  67. That wouldn't have been so bad in "Uncle Sam" Kenzo stage. God knows there was worse shit in 04-05.

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  68. It was an incredible piece of work for sure. Triple H was really hot in 2008. His participation in the Rumble, the WM triple threat, and the match with Khali were all good to very good. His match with Jeff Hardy at No Mercy is in my opinion ***** (and the rematch at Cyber Sunday is great as well), and the Survivor Series and Armageddon matches were great.

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  69. You know, as an abstract idea turning Mabel heel and pushing him wasn't necessarily a bad idea. When your smilin' white meat babyface champion is actually a seven foot smart ass its hard to find opponents to get heat on him during a match except Shawn, and he basically turned himself babyface in their match.


    The problem was a) his name was terrible, b) it was too transparent even to mark fans that Diesel would win and c) it doesn't sound like Mabel was much respected in the locker room. Bret Hart has talked about how rough he was in the ring compared to other super heavyweights like Yokozuna who knew how to make their shit look good without hurting anyone.


    But a monster super-heavyweight heel was really the only way to get DIesel over as a babyface who has to be "in peril" during his matches.

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  70. Jake did win the million dollar belt - well actually he stole it -- never mind

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  71. Now he drives monster trucks for Monster Jam. No redneck stereotypes there.

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  72. Yeah, not only are "emo" and "hipster" folks completely different, emo wasn't even a mainstream thing until 2000 or so.

    And Velvet Underground, a band from the 1960s, certainly wasn't emo.

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  73. "Yes, Luger managed to lose because YOKOZUNA was able to move faster than him."


    Hey, my rare Yokozuna card in Supercard is pro and up to 145 on the speed stat...it could happen.

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  74. Agreed that the name and to a lesser extent the outfit sank him before the push began. I guess Mabel won out over alternate choices Prudence, Millicent, Agatha, and Felicity.

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  75. The Ghost of Faffner HallSeptember 8, 2014 at 7:38 AM

    So Benoit was put with Cornette for that match? As I recall, for the Adam Bomb match he was managed by Ted DiBiase.

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  76. It did lead to something--Kama laid waste to the guy on Superstars when he tried to collect a black wreath that Kama ripped apart.

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  77. Yes. AFAIK the WWF wanted him, but New Japan was the biggest company in the world at that time, and it was more lucrative to keep those tour dates. Benoit and the WWF couldn't come together on a satisfactory compromise.

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  78. 3000 is better only if they're named Crow and Servo.

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  79. Well really the guy had it coming. Talking about being a troll.

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  80. Pff, you guys try writing this stuff at 11:30 PM.

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