Tuesday, September 30, 2014

WCW Worldwide: September 22, 1996

WCW Worldwide is ready to go, and man have we got a doozy today. Who’s here? Well, just the biggest stars on the planet, like Super Calo, the Rock & Roll Express, and no fewer than FOUR members of the Dungeon of Doom. Is Maxx amongst them? Well the only way to find out is to take us “live” (taped ages ago) to the studio, where…

We say hello to TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN!


“DYNAMIC” JERRY LYNN vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA

Lynn is a WCW newcomer wrestling in his debut, who we have never ever seen before, not even tagging with “Desperado” Joe Gomez as recently as last night. Heenan figures “Juventud” means “My Sombrero is too tight”. Tony corrects him, as it means young, so Heenan accepts that it means “my young Sombrero is too tight”. NICK PATRICK is your referee, so do not rule out the likelihood of this “international star” Jerry Lynn being an nWo member. Heenan debuts the use of “Juvi” which Tony takes offense to and will probably never catch on. Lynn hits a headscissors out of the corner, and Juvi throws a fit on the floor. Heenan kills me at this point, when Tony starts listing off great members of the Cruiserweight division, he talks over him with “JL!” Juvi hits a springboard somersault plancha re-entering the ring, and flattens Lyyn with a brainbuster for 2. Lynn comes back with a German suplex, complete with bridge, but he gets 2. Juvi retaliates with a t-bone, but Lynn gets a foot on the ropes. Guillotine legdrop looks to finish, but Juvi uses an arrogant cover and Lynn kicks out. That’s cool, he says, cuz he goes for the springboard 360 guillotine, but Lynn rolls away and Juvi eats canvas. Missile dropkick from Lynn gets a close 2. Lynn tries a second one, but Juvi swats him and Lynn falls powerbomb style. A super Frankensteiner gets the win at 6:50. Tony calls it a “hurricanplancha”. Have I mentioned lately how happy I am to have Cruiserweights taking up the spots previously occupied by the likes of Joey Maggs? ***

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. DISCO INFERNO

Disco is an unfortunate casualty of the nWo, because he was starting to pick up a strong cult-following earlier in the year before the entire promotion shifted its attention elsewhere. Of course, he’s no Steven Regal. Page nails Disco with a discus lariat, and follows with a backdrop. He starts his own disco dance, so Disco uses that opportunity to schoolboy him for 2. Tony points out that he has never seen Disco Inferno’s album in any record store, which Heenan heralds as a huge success because it’s constantly sold out. Disco uses an eye poke to turn the tide, and throws in a bionic elbow which just serves to make me sad that Dusty wasn’t here to see it. Swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Disco celebrates with the swim, and winds up eating a Diamond Cutter at 4:22. *

SUPER CALO vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG

Heenan deduces that Calo probably has never worked in an airport, but that he’s the smartest masked wrestler in the world because he left the ears uncovered, so he can hear what people are saying about him. I would love to watch video of Vince McMahon in the gorilla position trying to get Heenan to talk, WWE style, and Heenan ignoring him and continuing to go off on his insane tangents. Calo hits Armstrong with a swinging dropkick, and then hits a senton bomb to the floor. Back in, a tilt-a-whirl slam sets up a missile dropkick – but that misses. Armstrong flattens him with a clothesline and finishes with the Russian legsweep at 2:23. Heenan can’t believe Calo’s hat never fell off. So now that we’re officially finished with any scent of a Calo push, can we bring back the missing Psychosis?

THE DUNGEON OF DOOM (with Jimmy Hart and Maxx) vs. THE ARMSTRONG BROTHERS, TONY MELLA, and PEPE PRADO

You know, it’s been over a week since we last saw RON THE LEPRECHAUN, but here he is running around ringside. Our Dungeon of Doom representatives are the Faces of Fear, Hugh Morrus, and Bubba. I have never seen either Pepe or Mella before, but I would absolutely love to see much more of them, ESPECIALLY Mella. He’s about 400 pounds, in nothing resembling wrestling shape, but he bumps like a pinball. Bubba hits the Bossman slam on Pepe, but Mella saves. He’s promptly killed for that, and Barbarian finishes Prado with a superplex at 3:30. Morrus hits No Laughing Matter on poor Pepe, and then everyone takes turns teeing off on him. The Armstrongs just stand there during all of this. A giant curse on you, Bullet Bob. *

THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs. CHRIS BENOIT and ARN ANDERSON

The R&R go for a quick pin on Arn, and that doesn’t endear them to the Horsemen. Benoit tries to extract a little revenge, but Ricky snaps off a rana. Hiptosses keep Benoit at bay, and Gibson hits an enzuigiri. Gibson hits a nice little headscissors takeover, but Benoit powers him back to the Horsemen corner and tags in Arn. In fact, Anderson takes him to the floor, and Arn goes for a big closed fist, but Gibson ducks and Arn punches the ringpost. His knuckles might be sawdust. Morton smells the blood, and starts working over the arm. Quick tag to Gibson who applies an armbar. Morton drops a knee on the arm, but Arn gives him snake eyes and tags in Benoit. Benoit wears him down and throws Morton to the wolves – in this case Anderson, who whips Morton’s shoulder into the ringpost on the floor. Ricky re-enters with a sunset flip, getting a close 2. However, Arn sees Gibson a little too close, and recognizes he needs to get up and keep Morton in the Horsemen corner. Benoit delivers a backdrop suplex, but it only gets 2. Morton shows a little fire, getting in a punching war with Chris, but a powerslam stops that. Anderson comes off the top, but Morton boots him in the face, and the hot tag is finally made. Gibson has elbows and kicks for everyone. Things break down, and Arn is the recipient of a double dropkick. The referee tries to clear Morton, and that allows Benoit to fly in behind his back with a double axehandle, and Arn rolls over for the pin at 8:46. **1/2


Tony re-iterates for the zillionth time on the last few shows that Macho and Hogan are main eventing Halloween Havoc – just incase you didn’t know this. Heenan vows Savage will rip the belt off Hogan’s carcass in the Las Vegas desert. And that wraps things up until Nitro tomorrow.

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