I don’t mean to tickle your fancy any harder than I usually do, but we have some big news. Both members of Rough AND Ready are going to be here, AND the Disco Inferno! WCW truly is where the big boys play! Oh, Konnan too, but don’t let that deter you.
TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN welcome us to the Worldwide Arena, in front of a capacity crowd (yes, all 25 of them!).
ROUGH AND READY vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri and Colonel Robert Parker) (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
Harlem Heat looks to extend their record with their 1039401457th title defense here. There is literally nothing left for them to do that I haven’t seen them do 500 times over the last month. Especially in the case of Stevie Ray, who throws punches and has already run through his entire move-set. Dirty Dick goes for a schoolboy, but Stevie can’t even do that properly. Zach Gowen had better mobility than this guy. Thankfully Booker is tagged in, but he’s just around to play Ricky Morton, so conditions fail to improve. Enos works him over, using dirty heel tactics like the forearm strike, and the chinlock. Booker comes back with a flying Jalapeno, and flattens Enos with the Harlem sidekick (“JUMPWHEEL KICK!” squeals Tony), and all hell breaks loose. Stevie winds up being a hindrance by inadvertently distracting the referee, while Booker takes the wrong end of a spike piledriver. However, this aired in 1996, and not 2014, so it only gets 2. Today, Booker would have been down for a 100 count, at bare minimum. Enos misses a headbutt, but Booker gets nothing going. A swinging neckbreaker brings in Stevie Ray. All 4 men brawl, and the Colonel gets involved now. Slater decks him, but Sherri steals the cane and wallops old Dick, and Booker steals the pin at 7:34. This felt more like 2 hours. *1/2
DISCO INFERNO vs. KONNAN
Disco has his gold record, which he received for … dancing I guess. Disco suggests that Konnan grow out a pompadour, and Konnan responds with violence. I’d hate to imagine what response his wife got when she straightens his tie. Disco pulls out his back trying a scoop slam, and Konnan hits rolling thunder clotheslines. Disco comes back with a swinging neckbreaker, but his arm is hurting now. What a trooper, battling through all these injuries. Konnan hits the X-Factor, follows with a sitting dropkick, and applies the Tequila Sunrise for the submission at 2:56. *
HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart and Maxx) vs. LEROY HOWARD
This is a rematch from Prime. Wait, reader It’s False wants to weigh in on Morrus:
Another one of those Little Things that I've come to really appreciate through these recaps. You can see the pattern of Hugh Morrus becoming the cocky jerk that would refuse to pin his prey and he'd pretty much dare anyone to do something about it. I heard that someone would do just that a year later. Some guy named Bill something-or-other.
Well, Leroy is no Bill Payne (that’s who you meant?) – and with the extra muscle courtesy of Maxx, this match goes no better for Moe Howard’s brother from another mother. NICK PATRICK turns a blind eye to the mass levels of interference – could he possibly have taken a payoff from The Master? We haven’t seen the Master since late 1995, I wouldn’t write it off just yet. Anyway, Morrus wins with No Laughing Matter at 2:41, much to the surprise of Leroy’s mom. 1/2*
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. PRINCE IAUKEA
Prince tries to intimidate Page with a series of karate-like poses. Unfortunately, you typically need to follow up with some sort of strike, or well, something, and Page wastes no time in taking him to school. Iaukea manages to sneak in a headscissors submission hold, but Page immediately reaches the ropes. Snapmare (why not hit the Cutter?) takes Iaukea over, and Page stops to tell the fans they are monkeys. A tilt-a-whirl gutbuster leaves Iaukea without wind, but he’s able to come back with a couple of dropkicks. Iaukea goes up, hits the missile dropkick, but Page kicks out. Then the Diamond Cutter connects, and Page wins at 2:33. *
THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHRIS BENOIT and ARN ANDERSON
Now this is a quality Worldwide main event, did they confuse this with WCW Saturday Night? I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth anymore than I’d attempt to enter a domestic partnership with Benoit, so let’s make some magic. Barbarian takes out Arn early with his power, so Benoit attacks but Barbarian clotheslines him too. The Horsemen try to regroup, while Barbarian hulks up all over the ring. Benoit and Meng square off now. Meng misses a blind charge, and Benoit lays in some SERIOUS chops with extra meat, and Meng just stands there growling louder and louder. Holy hell man! Meng powerslams Benoit, but misses a leaping headbutt and Benoit gives him a German. Arn and Benoit double team Meng in the corner, who doesn’t even react. Heenan: “You can wear your shoes out on Meng, he doesn’t care.” Benoit and Meng trade knife edges in the middle of the ring, before Meng just walks away and tags in Barbarian. They double headbutt Chris, and Barbarian goes for snake eyes. Benoit slips off the back, and the Horsemen work him over in the corner. Arn uses his knee to attempt to weaken Barbarian’s hamstrings. Barbarian still finds a way to tag in Meng, and he beats the piss out of the back of Arn’s head. Headbutt leaves Arn seeing stars, but he punches Meng in the inner thigh over and over. He heads to the floor, and in the 2.3 seconds before Barbarian rushes over, he’s able to wrap Meng’s leg around the post. Benoit comes in with chops, but Meng just comes firing out of the corner with savage punches and jungle screams. Barbarian hits a standing sidekick, and applies a chinlock. Benoit powers loose and hits a Northern lights, but Barbarian holds his leg and tags in Meng. A spike piledriver connects, and the Fear heads up for the flying headbutts. The move connects, but Arn saves Chris from the pin. Things break down, and Benoit hits a German on Barbarian. He goes up to finish, but Meng crotches him. Barbarian hits an overhead superplex, but the referee is busy with Meng, and Arn hits the DDT on Barbarian! He drags Chris on top, and the Horsemen BARELY win at 9:23. This is the best Worldwide match I have ever seen. ***1/2
Tony takes a second to hype next week. I really don’t want to spoil it for you, but I’m going to. Yes, Jim Powers AND the Renegade will be here. You can’t contain excitement like this. WCW Worldwide!!!
Some silly show named Nitro is up tomorrow.