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BoD RAW

This show is still being written but I gave you a preview. I will write here when it is done but in the meantime, check out this wonderful podcast featuring Dr. Tom Prichard from the fine folks over at placetobenation.com for this podcast:

In this episode of the Place to Be Podcast, Justin and Scott welcome in the legendary Dr. Tom Prichard for a visit to discuss his lengthy career in the wrestling business. Tom talks about his days in Portland, USWA and SMW as well as his feelings on his run in WWE with the Bodydonnas and Heavenly Bodies.
Tom also ranks the all time greatest managers and tag teams, shares thoughts on the Midnight Express, Chris Candido & Sunny’s relationship, his frustrations in the mid-90s, his departure from WWE and feelings on the state of the business and much, much more.



BoD Heavyweight Champion Jobber123 comes down to the ring accompanied by the rest of the Job Mob. Zanatude is holding all three belts of his own BoD Six-Man Titles. He warns others not to touch him as he comes down the aisle. Jobber grabs the mic:

"In less than three weeks, I will be defending the BoD Heavyweight Championship against The Fuj, a legend of the BoD. I mean, he is not in my class and all, but still pretty good. He couldnt carry a one man conversation about the 2009 NBA draft at 2am in any one of the 1,783 Nitro reviews on the blog. No he could not. He can come in and drop by quickly but he has to leave again for a few more weeks. Well, I am not letting that happen to all the Jobberholics across the BoD. Now, I have to leave as I have some gimmicks waiting for me in the Luxurious Top 5 Lounge if you know what I mean." 


The Job Mob leave and head up the aisle but out from the crowd comes The Fuj!!!!!!!!!! He goes right after the champ. Big Dirty Murph tries to intervene but gets booted in the face. Zanatude opts to protect his belts and he retreats. Fuj hammers away and tries to put the champ in the Fuji Vice but Jobber escapes and heads up the ramp.



Backstage, Assistant GM and Director of Operations and Paper Goods Justice Gray approaches the GM.

Gray: I'm afraid we have some problems
Bayless: What happened?
Gray: Well, Landmonster, you know, the fat bitch Magoonie's friend used to date?
Bayless: Yes, I like her because she caused serious injury to a lowly midcarder who used to scrub the tires to my car. 
Gray: It seems like no one else likes her though. She has eaten all of the catering you got for the Administration and intercepted another delivery for the Luxurious Top 5 Lounge. 
Bayless: Jesus Christ! All the top 5'ers aren't like Abeyance you know. They complain when they do not get their own way. 
Gray: That is not the only problem you know. 
Bayless: There is more?
Gray: When you sent for Wade Michael Meltzer to report back to judge the Writer's Tag Match, Gosh Hopkins did not make it back. 
Bayless: What happened?
Gray: A tape was mailed to BoD Headquarters. The envelope appears to be covered in blood. 
Bayless: You don't think..........
Gray: I think we should watch it
Bayless: I will shortly..............



Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James & WWF1987 & Bobby

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!! WE GITTIN' FUN-KAY TONIGHT. GIT DOWN WIT DA OPENING MATCH FUNK!!!!!!!!!!! This match was the result of a backstage attack by Bobby & WWF1987 that occured last week on BoD RAW. Bobby and WWF1987 attack the Brothers of Funk but they fight right back. Harris knocks both men over the ropes with a clothesline then Lil' James takes them both out with a plancha. BoD RAW IS GITTIN' FUNKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! The action heads back in the ring as Harris uses the ol' double noggin knocker as the funk reigns supreme tonight. The referee maintans order but as that happens, Bobby whacks Lil' James with his cowbell and WWF1987 goes on the attack. Lil' James is getting beaten down as the TNA enthusiast and man from Texas are using illegal double-team moves behind the referee's back. Bobby climbs up top but misses an elbow drop as both men are down. Lil' James crawls to the corner for the tag........................but Curtzerker runs out and knocks Harris off of the apron as the ref rings the bell for the DQ. The HUSS section is loud and proud as their boy is slugging away. And now Adam Curry & Kyle Warne run in for the save and after a short brawl, Curtzerker and Bobby & WWF1987 retreat. The tag team division is heating up.



Backstage, The Fuj is in the back unrolling his tape off his wrists. He looks up into the camera with a glint of assuredness as he begins to speak.

These aren’t delusions of grandeur…
This isn’t… some misguided attempts at re-capturing past glory.
Because I am THE MAN! I am The Fuj.
Undeniably, Unequivocally, Unapologetically, UNDISPUTEDLY, the Alpha and Omega of the BoD!
It starts and ends with ME!
I have no time for Ham N Eggers.
I have no time for Johnny Come Latelys.
I only have time for the belt, which I am coming for.
So “champ” (laughs)… Accept Defeat, Because it awaits you.
(Fuj looks down as he continues to unwrap the tape from his wrists)



Cultstatus vs. C.O. Jones

Jones has participated in the "ask and get booked" initiative. Cultstatus finishes his smoke then clotheslines Jones out of his shoes. Cultstatus whips Jones against the ropes and catches him with a side slam. Cult hammers away then hits the jackknife powerbomb for the win. Cult then grabs the mic and calls him "Parallax" as he asks him to get up. Cult picks him up again and hits another jackknife before lighting up another smoke then leaving.



GM Bayless is backstage with Justice Gray. He pops in the VHS tape. He looks in horror at the screen as he sees Archie Stackhouse:

(We are outside the home the scared lady last week in Riverdale. Night has fallen and fireflies dance in the sky. The white picket fence lies in ruins, pieces of it stained with blood; the camera pans over the unconscious body of Gosh Hopkins.  Pan up to see Archie and the Riverdale Covenant standing with their arms crossed.)

"Do you know what the definition of insanity is, GM Bayless? Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.And yet..... (Archie waves his arms in the direction of the unconscious bodies.)Obviously, I've been delayed this week in my return to the BOD; hopefully, they've....learned."(Archie waves at the front window; we see the open curtain quickly jerk shut.)
Poor Miss Chancery; she lost her husband so recently. I worry about her being alone at night, especially after dear Jake was lost.He should have been more careful when speaking about Uncle Caliber that way.Now then, where was I? Ah, yes.
GM Bayless, you don't need to look for me anymore. I've grown tired of your sycophants and your charlatans. I've grown weary of trying to educate those who will never be worthy of citizenship in the glorious town of Riverdale, especially when so many would sacrifice everything to be a part of the world I am creating here.
Next week, I WILL return to BOD Raw, GM Bayless; I will swear in the newest citizen of Riverdale and make him a gift of his heart's fondest desire, the pet rock. Anyone who wishes to join me can be a part of the swearing-in ceremony and pledge their allegiance to Riverdale and Archie Stackhouse; all others will be considered....enemies of the state.Until then, don't sully the wonder that is Riverdale with this trash. Covenant? Clean up the front lawn, won't you?
(As the Covenant picks up the unconscious bodies, a police car comes pulling up the curb. The chief gets out and speaks)
Hey now, fellas! Come on there, can't be doing that type of thing, those boys could be really injured now. What happ--Archie!?"(Archie strolls over, twirling Jughead. The chief keeps his eyes on it at all time.)Constable Russell! It's been so long. I remember you from my days with Uncle Caliber! Tell me, how are your wife and children? Mildred, Peter, and Christine, if I'm not mistaken?
(The chief swallows hard.)
"They're.....good, Archie. Just....good."
(Archie laughs.)
"That's wonderful! Children are the future of Riverdale, after all. Now then, I'm sure you have some questions, but since we know each other so well, I'm confident you'll let me handle this? After all, I'm sure you need to get home to make sure that the children are....(Archie narrows his eyes)....tucked in."
(The chief nods slowly, turns, and RUNS back to his car. The patrol car speeds away with a screech. Archie turns towards the camera.)
"Next week, BOD. The newest citizen of Riverdale is revealed. In the meantime, sadly, it's clear that me and Covenant have to take care of a few things, so we'll see you then............But since the BOD now has seen a glimpse of my paradise this week, it seems as though you should be formally introduced to our community, so....
(Archie grabs Hopkins! He RAKES Jughead over his forehead! Blood spurts everywhere, covering the camera! As the blood washes over the lens, we hear Archie.)
"Welcome to Hell. Welcome.....to Riverdale."


GM Bayless looks in horror as to what he just saw. He then looks over and hears a commotion and jumps. He and Grey run out the door but it was just Landmonster, knocking over boxes and shelves looking for food. Bayless tells Gray to "protect" the reserves. 


We see Mar Solo running around like a lunatic in the crowd pouring coffee into people's cups. He is mostly burning people but is very enthusiastic at least. 



Hart Killer 09 is in the ring again as he issues another open challenge. If someone can beat him, he will give them a title shot in the future. He is wearing a Calgary Hitmen jersey too with the word "sucks" on the bottom. He then asks who is going to challenge him and wait a minute, it's fellow countryman PrimeTime Ten!


Hart Killer 09 vs. PrimeTime Ten

It's the Battle of Canada!!!!!!! PrimeTime starts hammering away on the Solid B+ Player Champion. PrimeTime hits a suplex then an elbow drop before he sends Hart Killer to the corner. Hart ducks out as he takes a breather. Hart comes back in and lockups with PrimeTime. Hart does not break cleanly and goes on the attack. He chokes out PrimeTine in the corner with his foot then yells at him to go train in the Dungeon. Hart Killer applies a chinlock as the crowd starts to rally for PrimeTime. Hart hits a slam then goes for a Boston Crab but PrimeTime turns that into a rollup for two. Hart Killer uses a lot of stomps and knee smashes then heads up top. Hart Killer goes for a double axe handle but PrimeTime catches him with a shot to the gut. PrimeTime slugs away and fights back. PrimeTime gets two with a brainbuster. Uranage gets two. Leg drop gets two. PrimeTime sends Hart into the corner and hits a running Yakuza kick but that only gets two. He sets Hart up for a superplex but gets shoved off and Hart slides off and uses an Oklahoma roll, grabbing the tights and getting the win. Hart Killer cheats again to win, dammit! Who will put a stop to him?



Steve Ferrari & Magoonie are in the ring. They refuse to leave unless they get a shot at the Upper Midcard Express. Nick Piers, who had his leg broken by Landmonster two weeks ago, remains under the supervision of BoD Doctor to the midcard and below, Miss Diagnosis. She finished last in her class at Botch Hopkins University but you know what they call the person who finishes last in her class at medical school,right? They call them "doctor." Anyway, since they are too poor to buy armbands, they have colored their wrist tape with a black Sharpie marker to show their support to their injured pal. Uh oh, The Upper Midcard Express come out in a golf cart as Petuka is gunning it in reverse. They are still wearing their football helmets too. The UME say that they are not cleared to wrestle tonight but next week, they will give them a match and if they win, they will get a shot at the titles at BoD Hell in a Cell. The Midcard Mafia agree as we have a main event matchup for next week.          



Dock Muraco & Andy PG vs. Tommy Hall & "Marvelous" Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle

Wade Michael Meltzer was helicoptered in from Riverdale to judge this match and if it can reach the **** mark. Muraco and Hall start it out. Muraco goes to work on the arm, looking over towards Meltzer for approval. Meltzer is looking down and nodding but our camera shows that he is in fact watching AJ Styles vs. Tanahashi on his iPad. Muraco has a crossarmbreaker applied then tags Andy as Tommy runs out of the ring. Speaking of Tommy, he is looking ragged in a sloppy Rashaad Salaam throwback that has a spot of honey mustard in the bottom left corner. Perri tags and he and Andy trade arm wringers. Andy wins that battle and stays on the attack. Andy and Dock use quick tags and might be auditioning for the next New Japan tag team tournament. Meltzer is not paying attention to the match as Tommy knees Andy from behind on the apron. Tommy tags and chokes out Andy on the mat. Last word was that Tommy was struggling to get money together and has not been able to utilize his Panera rewards due to a lack of legitimate currency. Andy is getting beat on as Meltzer is finally paying attention to the match. He holds up a "***" sign as Dock furiously rallies behind his partner. Perri hits a slam then tags Tommy, who heads up top. Tommy tries a senton but Andy rolls away as both men are down. Andy gets up and hot tag to Dock! He runs wild with all sorts of chops and suplexes. Meltzer now has a "***1/2" sign in the air. Dock sees this and tries to go all out. He heads up top for a moonsault but botches the move as Meltzer holds up a "***1/4" sign. Andy is up and this has turned into a brawl. Andy hits Perri with a tornado DDT then hits Tommy with a snap suplex has Meltzer has this up to "***1/2." Dock gets up and hits rolling Germans on Tommy as this is up to "***3/4." Dock is going whatever the Puroresu equivalent of apeshit is right now as he heads up top and diving headbutt as this now is "****." Miss Danielle is on the apron and slides Perri a chair after hitting Andy low then Perri whacks Dock and uses a DDT and the ref turns around and covers as that gets the win. Dock looks dazed then turns around in disbelief as Meltzer holds up his final rating........................................................***3/4!!!!!!!! Once again, Miss Danielle has cost Dock a **** match.



In the gen-pop locker room, Mr. Satan hands out a petition to ban all Brazilians from the BoD. Matt Indeed has a box full of White Windbreakers in order to get a partner for his Strike Force team but he he has no takers. Harry Broadhurst  has laryngitis but wrote down that next week, we will get an additional 4 Harry Facts to make up for it. Biscuit! is in the back putting all the bags in the showers and leaving the water running. DBSM leaves with his C-List Title proudly on display as he is off to the "Chrisley Knows Best" viewing party at DJ EZ Rock's house. Those are the perks of the C-List Title. Everyone is also hungry as Landmonster has cut off the food supply so she could have a snack tonight.



And now, it's time for Welcome to the BoD!

Abeyance: Hello everyone
(Crowd): Hello
Abeyance: How are you tonight
(Crowd): Good
Abeyance: I am good too. 
Kid: You are Abeyance
Abeyance: I am that too
Kid: Are you too or Abeyance?
(Crowd): He's both!
Abeyance: Anyway, our guest tonight is going to face the GM at BoD Hell in a Cell. Here is Jef Vinson
Vinson: What's up guys
Abeyance: The ceiling
Kid: Yeah, not the basement
Vinson (In disbelief) Okay? Well, what do you guys want to ask me. 
Abeyance: How do you feel going against the GM in the cell?
Vinson: Good question. The GM has made it a point to screw me over at every turn and he still cannot pin my shoulders to the mat. I am not afraid of him. The GM is nothing. He has no power. He is insecure. He cares only about himself. And at BoD Hell in a Cell, after I defeat him of course, my valet will stomp out the rest of his manhood, just like last week. 



Jobber and the Job Mob are complaining to the GM. They are pissed about the Fuj attacking him. The Job Mob wants to face him and the GM has an idea: He said that next week, Zanatude will take on The Fuj and the 6-Man belts will not be on the line. Zanatude is happy about that as the GM says he will see them at the after party


In the luxury boxes, Biff Kensington is chilling by himself. He says that he is scouting talent and will reveal his first acquisition at BoD Hell in a Cell.


Parallax and GM Bayless are in the ring. Bayless takes the mic first:

Bayless: I understand that you are unhappy about not getting a title shot. And I feel your anger. You are a Top 5'er. A prestigious member. Maybe even the best. Not like the French Tickler, Jef Vinson, but a tried-and-true top guy. And that Jef Vinson, the same one who stole the Money on the Table Briefcase from me, cashed in at BoD SummerSlam. And despite my best efforts, I could not get the BoD Board of Directors to overturn the decision. If not for that, you were facing Cultstatus for the Title. Not Jef Vinson. You. And for that reason alone, your anger should be directed towards him. I did not screw Parallax out of a title shot. Jef Vinson did. Jef Vinson screwed Parallax

Parallax: The only thing that is happening is that I will get a shot at the title. And I dont care about the Board of Directors or whoever the fuck else that stands in my way. The belt is mine, Update boy, and I will curbstomp any loser that stands near my path. And I dont give a shit that you blame Jef Vinson for that because I blame you just as much for holding me down as you spend more time involving ice cream, coffee, grannies, and morons instead of focusing on me. And that druggie champ of yours is a joke. I am clean, straight-edge if you will, and like I have been saying, that is not what makes me better than you but rather everything else about me is what makes me better than you. 

Bayless: Okay. Okay. I feel ya. I ..........

Parallax: Yeah, you are not going to feel anyone but yourself. Ice down what the valet stomped last week then come back and book me against the winner of the title match or else I will destroy you and the rest of the losers that make up the Administration. (Steps closer to the GM) You better book me in that match, bookerman. (Crowd starts a mild "curbstomp" chant)

Bayless: Alright. It's not that simple you know. And, you did lose the last #1 contender's match you were in, right? So, I will give you a shot at redemption. I will give you a shot at the title but you will have to actually win the #1 contender's match. So, after BoD Hell in a Cell, we are going on a break. And when we come back, I will be rejuvenated then I will come up with who you will face. So, sit tight and enjoy the amenities in the Top 5 lounge. But next week, I am putting you in a match. You can use that anger you have and turn it against the enemy. Next week, Parallax will face off against...................................................JEF VINSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR JEF VINSON VS. PARALLAX IN THE MAIN EVENT










Comments

  1. I'm the Sami Zayn of this show: there's no logical explanation for why I'm not on it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Later that night, with tears in my eyes, I would tell HartKiller that this was the greatest Battle of Canada of all time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And Parallax's part is left off HOW CONVENIENT

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really haven't be following my character anymore. I should have a meltdown. YOUR LEAVING MONEY ON THE TABLE.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Blogger will not let me post right now

    ReplyDelete
  6. More of your lies. I will not tolerate being disrespected like this!

    ReplyDelete
  7. He's not lying. I can't get my RAW report up. (Not that you missed much.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great so now the BoD Authority is working together to deny the people what they want!

    ReplyDelete
  9. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryOctober 6, 2014 at 9:23 PM

    *strokes C-List Championship like a cat*


    See? I told you that the C-List was about to must-see, and now you see that it is. You see, this is only the beginning, and you will see what you refused to see, and it's that *I* am all you need to see. And now that I have the C-List Championship, you'll see, just like I see, that there's all C here...except for me, the C-List Champion, and we'll see how much more I can see and how much less you'll continue to see, you see?


    See.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tell me about it. The people want my writing and they get nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I wrote a piece for you but Blogger wont let me post anything else right now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I could work a meltdown with your character.

    ReplyDelete
  13. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryOctober 6, 2014 at 9:24 PM

    We'll consider this a BoD RAW App Exclusive.

    ReplyDelete
  14. [Zanatude stands in front of the camera, all three of his title belts draped over his right shoulder.]

    Z: Six Man Champions...fo' life!

    [Fade out]

    ReplyDelete
  15. APP EXCLUSIVE


    DBSM is roaming around the streets, with his C-List Title proudly on display. He walks into the huge line at the local In & Out Burger and when the cashier sees this, he allows him to move up three spaces. DBSM smiles as he leaves then heads off to club as he got in VIP and is chillin' backstage with the Quad City DJ's. Wow, how does that happen to a person who is not World famous? DBSM heads home and gets out of the cab and peep this, he was sharing it with who else, Mark Linn-Baker from the hit show "Perfect Strangers"


    Live in the C-List is a beautiful thing

    ReplyDelete
  16. Here was a backstage segment that was not posted.

    In the gen-pop locker room, Mr. Satan hands out a petition to ban all Brazilians from the BoD. Matt Indeed has a box full of White Windbreakers in order to get a partner for his Strike Force team but he he has no takers. Harry Broadhurst has laryngitis but wrote down that next week, we will get an additional 4 Harry Facts to make up for it. Biscuit! is in the back putting all the bags in the showers and leaving the water running. DBSM leaves with his C-List Title proudly on display as he is off to the "Chrisley Knows Best" viewing party at DJ EZ Rock's house. Those are the perks of the C-List Title. Everyone is also hungry as Landmonster has cut off the food supply so she could have a snack tonight. That burly beast has eaten everything but the salad tray.

    ReplyDelete
  17. "Yep Mode" ABeyAnce1©October 6, 2014 at 10:02 PM

    " All the top 5'ers aren't like Abeyance you know. They complain when they do not get their own way. "
    Line of the night.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Distraction finish, dammit. And truth be told, that was a worked botch.. REALISM!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Stranger in the AlpsOctober 6, 2014 at 10:29 PM

    Stranger in the Alps was written out at the very last minute with that Wade Michael Meltzer called a case of "crippling diarrhea".

    ReplyDelete
  20. Meltzer has NO SOURCES. Inside of the BoD. All his reports are wild speculation. It's so silly everyone just worships every word he says as gospel.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The contact lens fitting scene still needed to be edited.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 6, 2014 at 10:38 PM

    Is there still room in the fantasy basketball?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Going to post about it tomorrow.


    Depending on who is not rejoining will determine the open slots.


    If they do not respond, then I will delete their team and let someone else take their spot

    ReplyDelete
  24. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 6, 2014 at 10:42 PM

    ESPN or Yahoo?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 6, 2014 at 10:44 PM

    Eh, fuck it, sign me up if there's room.


    And why don't I ever get booked? Am I like Lesnar, where I only work PPV?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 6, 2014 at 10:47 PM

    That poor dog... Or wait, that's the other guy, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  27. I have an angle planned for you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 6, 2014 at 10:49 PM

    So I'm Bret Hart then? You've been saying that for a while.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I feel your pain. He's a real cocktease, but I still respect his work. What a guy.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 6, 2014 at 10:55 PM

    Totally random: When your cell is about to die, why does it start beeping or flashing or vibrating or whatever and kill the battery even more? The fuck kind of sense does that make? When you are about to run out of gas, do you start driving real hard? No, of course not, you conserve gas by driving easy.


    And on a related topic, and maybe this is just my phone, but when I turn Wi-Fi off, I want it to stay off, not try to connect 20 minutes later.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I know, right.


    TNA is replacing Monday Night Football on ESPN. How does he not know that?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 6, 2014 at 10:57 PM

    I'm still half of the inaugural tag champs, no one can take that away from me.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dude, there are like trillions of cells in your body. If they all started beeping when they died, you'd never get any sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  34. (The screen is black as night. A single bulb is turned on, swinging back and forth over a table. Archie walks into frame. Opens his mouth as if to speak. Stops. Smiles. Motions off-camera, and is handed a Riverdale Letterman's jacket. He places it on the table, smoothing it out as the lightbulb continues to swing above him. He places the pet rock on top of the jacket and turns to the camera.)


    "Next week, BOD. The newest citizen of Riverdale....will be revealed."


    (Archie laughs, huge gales of laughter.)


    "Who could it be? Well, know this.....


    You've already met them. They're already here. And they will stand in accordance with Archie Stackhouse, take possession of their colors and the pet rock, place their hands over their hearts, and say.....


    Welcome to Hell. Welcome.....to Riverdale."


    (The camera moves past Archie, who is now rolling with laughter, to focus on the 'R' in the letterman's jacket - right before we fade out, Archie SMASHES the lightbulb with Jughead! Total darkness, with the only sound the riotous laughter of Archie in the black.)

    ReplyDelete
  35. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryOctober 7, 2014 at 3:14 AM

    That last sentence killed me. I'm a big fucking Perfect Strangers mark.

    ReplyDelete
  36. #HOSSAPPROVED

    ReplyDelete
  37. AverageJoeEverymanOctober 7, 2014 at 7:10 AM

    I feel like my guy is just walking around backstage with a camera following him yelling "Rock and Roll!" and can never find the entrance way. Then gets tired and grabs some Arbys and alcohol and relaxes.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Ok, you almost had me llol in the call center where I work. Well played, gm.

    ReplyDelete
  39. The Andy and doc vs tommy and Matt tag match was fucking hilarious Bayless

    ReplyDelete
  40. I think there's a leak around here somewhere...

    *deletes history in phone*

    ReplyDelete
  41. GODDAMNIT BAYLESS!!! YOU TOLD ME HOPKINS WOULD BY AT 4 TO BUFF MY INDOOR BASKETBALL COURT!!!!!!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, PAY OUT OF POCKET??????

    ReplyDelete
  42. Look Bayless, I'm not trying to get crazy but you know I had to use most of my cash getting out of that case Jef Vinson tried to put on me. I needed then use of the corporate custodian. Its very important this floor gets buffed today.

    ReplyDelete
  43. You will get the immortal Trunk Barlow to take his place.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Better send Munson with him too. I need them to move some rock around out on the estate.

    ReplyDelete
  45. If I was you, I'd bring a barrel full of water balloons onto the roof deck and throw them at those two as they do manual labor.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Tuesdays I left Murphy come by and shoot at clay pigeons out back. I'm sure those two jabronis will be amply terrified.

    ReplyDelete
  47. BoD APP Backstage Exclusive:

    *Inside GM Bayless's office there is a meeting taking place between the GM and jobber123 and his job mob. Bayless is seated across his desk from jobber and Stuart Chartock while zanatude and Murphy guard the door*

    Bayless: Look, Jobber, I can't just fire parallax, Vinson, fuj, and cult. They have contracts with blogger corporate. My hands are tied.

    Chartock: YOU'RE A MOTHERFUCKING LIAR!

    Jobber: *puts his hand on Chartock* Easy there big guy, easy. Look Bayless, it's easy. We'll say cult is back on the steroids, what's that gonna be? His 3rd strike? Fuck him. Vinson tried to frame us for COCAINE TRAFFICKING FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!! That's not a fucking violation of his morals clause?

    Bayless: Not since your lawsuit against Blogger, over that very issue, no.

    Jobber: Well that was different situation... But what about the fuj? I thought he wasn't even under contract here anymore. He was over on that other show that no one watches. Why is he even here?

    Murphy: Yeah Champ, why is he even here? Fuck that guy!

    Jobber: And what about this parallax guy? I'm all for hiring this little indy spot monkey floppy floppers because they make a big star like me stand out even more

    *job mob shouts out in agreement*

    Jobber: But what, he doesn't even drink? What the fuck is that? How can we trust a guy like that? What is he, some kind of man child or something?

    Murphy: I'm telling you Champ, I knew a pack of these straight edge kids back in upstate NY, they were all queers man. They just fucked and sucked each other all day!

    Chartock: He's probably gazing at everyone's cocks in the locker room!

    Jobber: God Bayless, look at all this dissension in the locker room. This parallax guy is tearing the BoD apart. Tell corporate you can't have this locker room cancer ruin everything.

    Bayless: Hmmm...I'll look into it but he's the #2 merch mover in the company. They won't want to fire him at all.

    Jobber: Fuck that, once they start printing those "zanatude adjustment" shirts they won't need him anymore.

    *zanatude reaches over and high fives the champ*

    Jobber: One more order of business. Big Stu here, he's gonna need more airtime.

    Chartock: I'm the longest tenured veteran here. Where's my matches damnit. I'm the mother fucking hoss of this BoD. Not some ice cream eating pussy!!! You know what I eat, motherfucking protein shakes because I'm the man!!!!

    Jobber: Why don't you shake up some of that dead weight in the mid card. The four guys in this room, that's who you build this show around.

    Bayless: I'll see what I can do bro.

    Zanatude: Hey should we try and rescue Hopkins? I didn't really like him but I know he was cleaning the champs court up every Tuesday. Seems pretty important.

    *jobber laughs as he's the only one in the room that knows zanatude is joking*

    Bayless: Eh, he was a good hand...but fuck him. I got a locker room full of BoD shitbags and i can stick a mop in any of their hands.

    *jobber123 and the job mob shake hands with Bayless, exit the office*

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  48. (Bill Ray is standing in front of a White House in the middle of the night, holding a baseball bat in one hand, and a bottle of whiskey in the other.)

    Bill Ray: "Well, well. For those wondering why I was not on RAW this week, it's because I am in ,,,Riverdale. My boss, GM Bayless, sent me to come get Gosh Hopkins, but for some reason, no one will tell me where Archie has him. "

    (Bill's cell phone buzzes; he takes it out and looks at it.)

    "Hey, looks like Rockstar Gary and Joe Everyman are on their way back to the arena, which means it's just me here, and I'm fine with that. I spent the first twenty-six years of my life alone, another day doesn't bother me a bit. As I've said before, Archie: You DO NOT scare me. And next week, when I am back at RAW, we will see how this goes. If you remain away from GM Bayless, and debut your new weird-ass covenant member in a peaceful fashion, you and I will not have a conflict. If you don't...well, let's just say this: Everybody has nightmares, Archie, even monsters. And monsters have nightmares about ME."

    (Bill takes a swig out of the whiskey bottle, as three men in letterman jackets walk up.)

    Man: "Mr. Stackhouse says you need to come with us."
    Bill: "Sure, just give me a second." (Bill turns and SMASHES the whiskey bottle on the first man's head, before laying the second one out with a baseball bat shot, and knocking the third down with a

    Bill: "See you next week."

    (The camera cuts out)

    "

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