Look, RAW sucked last night. I'm used to saying that week after week, though. So, what I'm saying here isn't so much news as it is a consistent fact.
I've said it before and I will say it again: watching the show is a chore. The Rock appeared last night. That was good. I liked that. I guess. The problem with spots like that is that you're not gonna see that again. Also, it didn't serve much purpose. Rusev's kinda over already as the Foreign Heel of Doom. Also, it just served to minimize the intensity of Show vs. Rusev.
Other than that, Cena sticks out like a sore thumb in the Ambrose and Rollins feud. That thing's going along good without him. It's time to put Cena some place else. I'm kinda sick of seeing several tag team matches with Bore-ton and Kane because Creative feels the need to "make them work together".
I don't even like that Cena's in a match with Ambrose. I want to see Ambrose vs. Rollins. So does everybody else.
Hell in a Cell is looking ho-hum right now and that's a shame considering where we were about this time last year.
Let's get moving.
We are LIVE(!) from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!
Michael Cole, Byron Saxton...and Cesaro?! They're on the mics tonight.
Holy shit...we have an IC Title match off the bat...against Bo Dallas?! I'm so game.
Dallas says he took the last Cheesesteak Sandwich from one of his Bo-lievers before Main Event tonight. He threw the sandwich out because it was unhealthy. Mark Henry came by and ate it out of the trash. This disgusts Bo Dallas. Tonight, he'll beat Dolph with nobody's help.
MATCH #1: Dolph Ziggler (champion) vs. Bo Dallas (challenger) for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Initial lock-up goes nowhere. Second one gets a headlock by Ziggler which Dallas reverses into an armlock. Ziggler counters, tossing Dallas to the mat but misses the big elbow drop. Dallas takes advantage and stomps at Ziggler in the corner. Headlock by Dallas, then more stomping.and another headlock. Ziggler busts out with a chinebreaker and a splash in the corner. He misses the neckbreaker and Dallas dumps Ziggler out of the ring. We go to break.
After a break, Ziggler fights out of another hold but Dallas slingshots him into the buckle. Two count. More choking against the ropes by Dallas but he misses a charge in the corner, hitting the buckle. Both men get to their feet and Ziggler hits his clotheslines and another corner splash. This time, he hits the neckbreaker. He misses the Fame-Asser and Dallas hits a nice powerslam for two. Dallas tries a powerbomb but Ziggler counters with a DDT and it's a two count.
Ziggler and Dallas get to their feet. Ziggler misses a Superkick and Dallas counters with a DDT for two. He's pissed that he didn't get the fall and clutches his head in anguish and frustration. Dallas pounds on Ziggler, who counters with a Sunset Flip. Dallas counters, rolling Ziggler up, using the ropes to keep Ziggler pinned -- but the ref notices Dallas cheating and stops the count. Dallas yells at the ref for that and Ziggler hits the Zigg Zagg to retain at 8:42.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Dolph Ziggler via Zigg Zagg
RATING: **3/4. Dallas reeeeeeally needs to be pushed. He showed potential here.
Cesaro leaves as Ziggler celebrates.
Cole recaps Kathy Lee and Hoba Kobt partying with Adam Rose as if that was noteworthy.
TONIGHT: We will see a recap of The Rock meeting Rusev from RAW.
Titus talks about his Grandmother and her fight with breast cancer.
THIS FRIDAY: Smackdown celebrates its 15th Anniversary.
Kane is Main Event's "Authority" boss. Tyson Kidd shows up and tells Kane that he's his own man and "more than Nattie's husband." Kane says everyone knows Nattie wears the pants in the family. Kidd wants a match to prove that isn't true. Kane says he's already in one: against Jack Swagger. He tells Kidd not to tap out to Swagger like he does to Nattie. In that relationship, I'm not sure who'd be doing the "tapping", if ya' know I mean...
MATCH #2: vs. Layla, Summer Rae, Cameron, & Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella in a 4-on-1 Handicap Match
THIS FEUD MUST CONTINUE IN AN IRONIC FASHION. Summer runs over Brie. Brie comes back with a clothesline and multiple dropkicks. Two count. Layla in and she drops Brie with a Superkick to Brie, plus a DDT. Two count. Headlock by Layla. Brie fights out but Layla tosses her to the mat. Tag to Cameron and she hits Brie with a Lariat, then mocks the YES chant. Brie comes back with a roll-up. Two count. Cameron immediately kicks her and headlocks her. Cameron hits a nice suplex and the Scissor Drop or whatever stupid move that is. One count. Cameron applies a Surfboard but Brie breaks and tosses Cameron to the mat. Brie hits a running knee and goes to the second buckle, then hits a Missile Dropkick off the second buckle. Brie tags Nikki in the face with a forearm, then tries the YES Lock but Layla comes in and interferes. Summer knees her in the back. Nikki tags herself in. Nikki hits a running knee on Brie and hits the Bella Buster for the win at 4:24.
WINNERS: All the other Divas who aren't Brie.
Post-match, Nikki celebrates, mocking the YES chant.
Cole gives us the recap of Rusev/Rock on RAW.
WWE 2K15: Two Generations of Sting. Neither will show up.
Colter mocks the size of Tyson's "manhood" and calls him a woman. Feminism!
MATCH #3: Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Tyson and Swagger lock up in the corner. Tyson clubs at him, then stomps at him. Sitting dropkick and one count by Kidd. Swagger gets some offense in but Kidd kicks at Swagger's ankles and he goes down again. Front Facelock by Kidd but Swagger reverses it with a Reverse Front Suplex. Swagger rolls outside. Kidd follows but Swagger trips him. Back in the ring, Swagger knees him in the gut and throws him across the ring. Swagger Bomb is met with a foot by Kidd. Swagger counters with a Patriot Lock. Kidd gets to the ropes, hits an Enzuguri and rolls Swagger up for the win at 2:23.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd
RATING: *1/4. Far too short and even more disjointed than the last one.
Post-match, Kidd celebrates without Nattie. It's like Randy Savage and Elizabeth without the chemistry.
Joan Lunden's skeleton visited RAW on Monday.
Total Divas - Nattie may want to divorce Kidd. Only she won't because that was filmed like two months ago.
RAW REBOUND: Seth Rollins, John Cena and Dean Ambrose are at odds.
MATCH #4: Stardust (w/ Goldust) vs. Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy Uso)
Star all over Jey to start. He dumps Jey from the ring. Jey races right back in and slaps Star around, then dumps Star. Uso Crazy to Star outside. Gold tries to pull on Jey's leg when he goes to the buckles but Jey kicks at him. Jimmy decks him. Star nails Jey on the distraction and pulls him into the ring for a two count. Star rips Jey's shirt off and starts punching at him. Snapmare by Star and an inverted bearhug. Jey breaks free but Star knees him in the gut for two. More stomping and Star choking him on the ropes. Star celebrates throwing Jey across the ring and charges him but Jey kicks him in the face. Jey hits a cross body for two. He kicks Star in the stomach and tries a Side Suplex but Star counters hitting Jey in the face. He charges again and Jey hits a Samoan Drop and Rikishi Butt Splash in the corner. He goes for the Superfly Splash but Star gets up and knocks him outside in front of Gold. Jey gets up and gets a kick to the head. Superfly Splash. Done at 5:29.
WINNER: Jey Uso via Superfly Splash
RATING: *. Boring as fuck. No intensity and the crowd didn't care.
The Usos are all chilling and celebrating as we go off the air.
OVERALL: *1/2. The opening match was pretty good. The rest was just a giant showcase of the same boring shit.
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