Look,
RAW sucked last night. I'm used to saying that week after week, though.
So, what I'm saying here isn't so much news as it is a consistent fact.
I've
said it before and I will say it again: watching the show is a chore.
The Rock appeared last night. That was good. I liked that. I guess. The
problem with spots like that is that you're not gonna see that again.
Also, it didn't serve much purpose. Rusev's kinda over already as the
Foreign Heel of Doom. Also, it just served to minimize the intensity of
Show vs. Rusev.
Other
than that, Cena sticks out like a sore thumb in the Ambrose and Rollins
feud. That thing's going along good without him. It's time to put Cena
some place else. I'm kinda sick of seeing several tag team matches with
Bore-ton and Kane because Creative feels the need to "make them work
together".
I don't even like that Cena's in a match with Ambrose. I want to see Ambrose vs. Rollins. So does everybody else.
Hell in a Cell is looking ho-hum right now and that's a shame considering where we were about this time last year.
Let's get moving.
We are LIVE(!) from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!
Michael Cole, Byron Saxton...and Cesaro?! They're on the mics tonight.
Holy shit...we have an IC Title match off the bat...against Bo Dallas?! I'm so game.
Dallas says he took the last Cheesesteak Sandwich from one of his Bo-lievers before
Main Event tonight. He threw the sandwich out because it was unhealthy.
Mark Henry came by and ate it out of the trash. This disgusts Bo
Dallas. Tonight, he'll beat Dolph with nobody's help.
MATCH #1: Dolph Ziggler (champion) vs. Bo Dallas (challenger) for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Initial
lock-up goes nowhere. Second one gets a headlock by Ziggler which
Dallas reverses into an armlock. Ziggler counters, tossing Dallas to the
mat but misses the big elbow drop. Dallas takes advantage and stomps at
Ziggler in the corner. Headlock by Dallas, then more stomping.and
another headlock. Ziggler busts out with a chinebreaker and a splash in
the corner. He misses the neckbreaker and Dallas dumps Ziggler out of
the ring. We go to break.
After
a break, Ziggler fights out of another hold but Dallas slingshots him
into the buckle. Two count. More choking against the ropes by Dallas but
he misses a charge in the corner, hitting the buckle. Both men get to
their feet and Ziggler hits his clotheslines and another corner splash.
This time, he hits the neckbreaker. He misses the Fame-Asser and Dallas
hits a nice powerslam for two. Dallas tries a powerbomb but Ziggler
counters with a DDT and it's a two count.
Ziggler
and Dallas get to their feet. Ziggler misses a Superkick and Dallas
counters with a DDT for two. He's pissed that he didn't get the fall and
clutches his head in anguish and frustration. Dallas pounds on Ziggler,
who counters with a Sunset Flip. Dallas counters, rolling Ziggler up,
using the ropes to keep Ziggler pinned -- but the ref notices Dallas
cheating and stops the count. Dallas yells at the ref for that and
Ziggler hits the Zigg Zagg to retain at 8:42.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Dolph Ziggler via Zigg Zagg
RATING: **3/4. Dallas reeeeeeally needs to be pushed. He showed potential here.
Cesaro leaves as Ziggler celebrates.
Cole recaps Kathy Lee and Hoba Kobt partying with Adam Rose as if that was noteworthy.
TONIGHT: We will see a recap of The Rock meeting Rusev from RAW.
Titus talks about his Grandmother and her fight with breast cancer.
THIS FRIDAY: Smackdown celebrates its 15th Anniversary.
Kane
is Main Event's "Authority" boss. Tyson Kidd shows up and tells Kane
that he's his own man and "more than Nattie's husband." Kane says
everyone knows Nattie wears the pants in the family. Kidd wants a match
to prove that isn't true. Kane says he's already in one: against Jack
Swagger. He tells Kidd not to tap out to Swagger like he does to Nattie.
In that relationship, I'm not sure who'd be doing the "tapping", if ya'
know I mean...
MATCH #2: vs. Layla, Summer Rae, Cameron, & Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella in a 4-on-1 Handicap Match
THIS
FEUD MUST CONTINUE IN AN IRONIC FASHION. Summer runs over Brie. Brie
comes back with a clothesline and multiple dropkicks. Two count. Layla
in and she drops Brie with a Superkick to Brie, plus a DDT. Two count.
Headlock by Layla. Brie fights out but Layla tosses her to the mat. Tag
to Cameron and she hits Brie with a Lariat, then mocks the YES chant.
Brie comes back with a roll-up. Two count. Cameron immediately kicks her
and headlocks her. Cameron hits a nice suplex and the Scissor Drop or
whatever stupid move that is. One count. Cameron applies a Surfboard but
Brie breaks and tosses Cameron to the mat. Brie hits a running knee and
goes to the second buckle, then hits a Missile Dropkick off the second
buckle. Brie tags Nikki in the face with a forearm, then tries the YES
Lock but Layla comes in and interferes. Summer knees her in the back.
Nikki tags herself in. Nikki hits a running knee on Brie and hits the
Bella Buster for the win at 4:24.
WINNERS: All the other Divas who aren't Brie.
RATING: *1/2
Post-match, Nikki celebrates, mocking the YES chant.
Cole gives us the recap of Rusev/Rock on RAW.
WWE 2K15: Two Generations of Sting. Neither will show up.
Leprechaun commercial.
Colter mocks the size of Tyson's "manhood" and calls him a woman. Feminism!
MATCH #3: Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Tyson and
Swagger lock up in the corner. Tyson clubs at him, then stomps at him.
Sitting dropkick and one count by Kidd. Swagger gets some offense in but
Kidd kicks at Swagger's ankles and he goes down again. Front Facelock
by Kidd but Swagger reverses it with a Reverse Front Suplex. Swagger
rolls outside. Kidd follows but Swagger trips him. Back in the ring,
Swagger knees him in the gut and throws him across the ring. Swagger
Bomb is met with a foot by Kidd. Swagger counters with a Patriot Lock.
Kidd gets to the ropes, hits an Enzuguri and rolls Swagger up for the
win at 2:23.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd
RATING: *1/4. Far too short and even more disjointed than the last one.
Post-match, Kidd celebrates without Nattie. It's like Randy Savage and Elizabeth without the chemistry.
Joan Lunden's skeleton visited RAW on Monday.
Total Divas - Nattie may want to divorce Kidd. Only she won't because that was filmed like two months ago.
RAW REBOUND: Seth Rollins, John Cena and Dean Ambrose are at odds.
MATCH #4: Stardust (w/ Goldust) vs. Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy Uso)
Star
all over Jey to start. He dumps Jey from the ring. Jey races right back
in and slaps Star around, then dumps Star. Uso Crazy to Star outside.
Gold tries to pull on Jey's leg when he goes to the buckles but Jey
kicks at him. Jimmy decks him. Star nails Jey on the distraction and
pulls him into the ring for a two count. Star rips Jey's shirt off and
starts punching at him. Snapmare by Star and an inverted bearhug. Jey
breaks free but Star knees him in the gut for two. More stomping and
Star choking him on the ropes. Star celebrates throwing Jey across the
ring and charges him but Jey kicks him in the face. Jey hits a cross
body for two. He kicks Star in the stomach and tries a Side Suplex but
Star counters hitting Jey in the face. He charges again and Jey hits a
Samoan Drop and Rikishi Butt Splash in the corner. He goes for the
Superfly Splash but Star gets up and knocks him outside in front of
Gold. Jey gets up and gets a kick to the head. Superfly Splash. Done at
5:29.
WINNER: Jey Uso via Superfly Splash
RATING: *. Boring as fuck. No intensity and the crowd didn't care.
The Usos are all chilling and celebrating as we go off the air.
OVERALL: *1/2. The opening match was pretty good. The rest was just a giant showcase of the same boring shit.
Er...that's it.
Thank you to all the BoD'ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/
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