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Matt's Main Event Recap - 9/30/2014

Hello! I am back to spread the hate!

Because THAT is what I do.

I can't formulate a response to Andy PG's "open letter". I liked it. Dude has passion. I like passion. Holy shit if it hasn't gotten Danielle writing and both of us collaborating each week.

So, I must say...

Andy, write what you want, brother. I'll see you on BOD RAW!!!

Also, speaking of hate and other "notable" things: I was blocked for 24 hours by Wikipedia for attempting to make edits to the Zoe Quinn/GamerGate affair so that it was more neutral. I have no interest in saying that one side is more important than the other.

It's funny, though: I remember when you practically had to hop on a plan and punch the admins in the back of the head to get a ban. Now, it's pretty much saying, "I wanna edit this right here," that gets you banned.

But, I am proud to be blocked for rustling some jimmies. Makes me smile when I think about it.

Seriously. The only difference between me and Will in this picture is
that Will's missing a glass of wine in his hand. Also, I'm white.

Tune in next week when I upload videos of myself bending a pile of iPhones while watching WWE Network!

Let's get started, shall we?

We are LIVE(!) from Milwaukee, Wisconsin!

Byron Saxton and Michael Cole are the guys on the mics tonight.

Swagger is out for a match to lead us off...

MATCH #1: Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. Cesaro
Cesaro says that the only difference between Jack Swagger and a battery is that a battery has a positive side. "Cesaro...OUT!" So, I guess he's auditioning late for Letterman's spot. Swagger takes Cesaro down to the mat with a Greco Roman throw. Cesaro gets up and it's another grapple. Cesaro with a headlock but Swagger breaks and tries a Swagger Bomb after putting Cesaro to the mat. Cesaro gets his feet up and Swagger goes down. Cesaro hits a sitting dropkick off the ropes and puts Swagger in an armlock. Swagger breaks but Cesaro hits a modified Cobra Clutch. Swagger gets out again but Cesaro dumps him from the ring and hits a Double Axehandle off the top rope. We go to break.

We're back and it's yet, ANOTHER Cesaro Clutch. Swagger breaks and tries to dump Cesaro out of the ring but Cesaro lands on the mat outside the ropes, drops Swagger's neck on the ropes and hits another axehandle off the ropes, getting two. Cesaro hits another one. He tries a third but Swagger gets to his feet and attacks Cesaro on the buckle. He tosses Cesaro to the mat and hits the Swagger Bomb for two. After Cesaro counters on a charge, Swagger hits a nice belly to belly suplex for two. He goes for the Gut Wrench but Cesaro counters.

He gets to his feet but Swagger hits the Patriot Lock. Cesaro immediately gets to the ropes. Swagger hits a Big Boot and gets another two count. Swagger tries the Patriot Lock again but Cesaro hits an Enzuguri and then puts Swagger to the mat. He goes for a Neutralizer but Swagger counters with a back drop. Cesaro kicks out but Swagger immediately hits the Patriot Lock. Cesaro makes it to the bottom rope. While the ref deals with the ring skirt that Cesaro was pulling on, Cesaro gouges Swagger in the eyes and hits the big uppercut for the win at 10:11.
WINNER: Cesaro via uppercut
RATING: **1/4. Not a bad match, all told. I like these two together.

TONIGHT: Mark Henry faces Bo Dallas since their RAW match was a real classic.

Holy shit, there's a backstage office on Main Event. And Kane is the "boss". And Natalya's there to bug him. This is wrestling gold. Nattie says that Tyson Kidd is in a rut right now due to injuries sustained in NXT. Natalya wants Tyson in a match on Main Event. Kidd shows up. The two argue as Kane can't shut them up. Finally, he loses his shit and tells Tyson that he has his match tonight.

Cole plugs the Susan G. Komen / WWE partnership and we get clips of Hogan's spot last night on RAW. (If anyone wants to get more info, please go to http://www.komen.org/wwe. I have many women in my life who have both perished from (and survived) breast cancer. I know many of you do, too.)

MATCH #2: Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. Kofi Kingston
Tyson Kidd's only here because of Total Divas. Just remember that. Tyson hits an armlock but Kofi flips around Roger Rabbit after a glass of whiskey and throws Kidd out of the ring. Kofi tries a Suicide Dive -- but Kidd hides behind Nattie. Kidd gets back in the ring and takes over, getting Kofi in the corner and slingshotting his head into the bottom buckle. Headlock by Kidd. He puts Kofi in a tree of woe and asks Nattie to slap Kofi around. Nattie won't. Kidd yells at her like a good husband. Kofi leaps off the buckle because Kofi doesn't get tangled on the buckle. He flies all over the ring, hitting splashes and flips and clothesline and it's basically like your kid brother hitting 150 reversals because he doesn't know any moves and he's just mashing buttons. Series of roll-ups by both guys and two-counts abound. Kidd hits a nice neckbreaker and NEARLY gets a fall. Kidd tries a springboard elbow drop off the top rope but Kofi knees him and hits the S.O.S. -- getting only two because Tyson got the ropes. Kofi flies at Kidd in the corner but Kidd moves and tries a Sharpshooter. Kofi struggles but Kidd turns it. Kofi struggles...but taps out at 5:33.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd via Sharpshooter
RATING: **1/4. Good, quick match. Kidd and Kofi really work well together.

RAW REBOUND: The whole Ambrose/Cena/Rollins/MITB case/dildo-in-case/Authority fiasco.

Cole says that John Cena and Dean Ambrose will discuss this issue on Smackdown.

Luke Harper is being re-branded from pieces of stuff. So...he's pretty much the same, I guess.

Renee Young has Mark Henry. She shows Henry clips of his match from RAW. Henry says he's had a hard time lately. But he's gonna throw Dallas like a lawn dart. Because that's what he does. Mark Henry. He throws people like lawn darts. All the time.

THIS FRIDAY ON SMACKDOWN: Sheamus & Ziggler face The Miz and Damien Miz-dow.

MATCH #3: Summer Rae & Layla vs. Brie Bella in a Handicap Match
This match is happening because Brie has to suffer the same fate as NIkki for four weeks. Layla goes first. Summer distracts Brie and Layla knocks her down. It's a series of tags in and out where Brie gets stomped in the chest over and over by the two because Layla botches everything she does, so it's best to limit her. Summer gets into the ring and kicks Brie in the head as Nikki watches from backstage. More quick tags and more Brie peril until Brie fights back and kicks Layla in the gut and knees her in the head. Summer distracts again and Layla takes over again, hitting a HORRIBLE looking cross body on Brie for two. Summer tries to hold Brie for a double team but Brie escapes and runs at Layla. Brie tries to toss Layla at Summer but Layla reverses it. Brie slides out of the ring, trips Summer whose head hits the mat, and Brie flies into the ring again, hitting the Bella Buster on Layla for the win at 3:20.
WINNER: Brie Bella via Bella Buster
RATING: *3/4. Summer and Layla can barely wrestle.

NEXT: The Bo Dallas / Mark Henry epic rematch 2: electric bugaloo.

WWE apologized for Big Show's degradation of the Russian flag on RAW. I'm more frightened of the Troglodytes who were cheering at the top of their lungs for that.

MATCH #4: Bo Dallas vs. Mark Henry
We're under 10 minutes left on this program already. Dallas kills even more time with a Bo-lieve monologue where he tells Henry to get a hobby like a cooking class. Henry rushes at Dallas, pounding on him and ramming his head into the buckle and just throwing him (but not like a lawn dart) into the buckle. More hot turnbuckle action and a shot to Dallas's ribs. He slaps at Dallas, telling him to "inspire him". He headbutts Dallas and stomps at him. So, the ref DQ's Henry at 2:00. What a "main event", folks.
WINNER: Bo Dallas via DQ
RATING: DUD.

Post-match, Henry grabs Dallas and hits the World's Strongest Slam on Bo Dallas -- then does it again. He asks for a mic and tells Dallas, "That's what I do!"

Henry leaves as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **. The show kinda got worse as it went along but at least it wasn't this week's RAW.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through the rest of the week. Scott Keith and Brian Bayless have some retro shows. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank you to all the BoD'ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Comments

  1. "I have many women in my life who have both perished from (and survived) breast cancer."

    Is their surname Schrodinger?

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  2. Cutie Suzuki is a very appropriate name for her. (Because she is a cutie, you see. No need for the obvious "last name" joke. Had to spell it out.)

    And yeah, anyone who ever compares Cena to 1995 Hogan... Listen to the reaction when he kicked out of the Moonsault. Seriously, pin drops... Love or hate, Cena NEVER gets that kind of quiet reaction (ok, the Orton 2011 Rumble staredown, but that's it)

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  3. Not that I'm complaining, but that whole "keep the camera on Kim during the match" match was weird.


    On a somewhat related note: Has anyone noticed that in WCW, they always looked into the camera and spoke? In the WWE, it was more about looking at the audience around them when they spoke. Odd contrast.

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  4. Except for Steve Blackman, who did neither!!!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKSiChEuTng

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  5. You'll have to explain it to me. I'm at work and youtube is blocked. DAMN THE MAN!

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  6. haha, Terry Taylor was interviewing Blackman backstage, and Blackman cuts an angry promo on Shamrock... While staring at Taylor the entire time. Basically "Shamrock, this has to end, with you, and me!!" Again, while staring at Taylor. Soooo awkward!!

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  7. Sounds awesome. I will have to watch after I escape the clutches of conformity.

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  8. For once, Heenan's "My monitor went blank" excuse was legit!!

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  9. The Ghost Of Meekin's MoobsOctober 1, 2014 at 6:04 AM

    I don't believe in charity

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  10. Apart from towards the end, when they decided to literally go entirely side profile and talk to someone completely off camera.

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  11. Wish WCW was still around so that Cena COULD go there and get that kind of reaction.

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  12. Sunny 1996. I’ll accept no disagreement.

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  13. I've noticed that as well and I swear almost everyone in WCW did it.
    I can't remember where I heard it exactly, if it was the Jericho podcast with Bully or elsewhere, but that's apparently a Vince McMahon/Kevin Dunn thing where you don't look at the camera during your entrance because it makes you look "larger than life" and a bigger superstar.

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  14. Biker chick, maybe?

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  15. Makes sense. When they look in the camera, it feels like you're breaking the fourth wall and it takes you out of the story being played out.

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  16. In mid 1995, the WON reported Hogan vs. Sting was the planned Starrcade '95 main event.

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  17. Correctly identifying Comic Legend Dave Coulier as having been born in Canada, Canada, Canada also gets you banned.

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  18. MikeyMike, WitnessOctober 1, 2014 at 6:52 AM

    Hogan during this time period is worse than Cena has ever been. I hadn't watched this stuff and a while and just accepted that Hogan sucked as gospel from the IWC. But he really was terrible. Everything else during this period is really awesome.

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  19. MikeyMike, WitnessOctober 1, 2014 at 6:54 AM

    Agreed. Love me some whore Trish.

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  20. MikeyMike, WitnessOctober 1, 2014 at 6:54 AM

    She didn't have as much enhancement at this point or at least she wasn't letting them loose.

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  21. *thumbs up*


    I was able to read this recap in less than 4 and a half hours, thus an improvement over the RAW recap.

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  22. Yes, I've commented on it a bunch on other posts and losing the tape was something they really tried to pass off. It was beyond idiotic to think that a company couldn't get their hands on the video of their own production. It ranks up there with the Yeti, the giant falling of the roof of a building and all the other goofy things they did at this time

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  23. "Thankfully Bobby still has the guts to call Hogan out for being the big orange coward he is."

    Which is why I never minded Heenan's "BUT WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?" call right before Hogan turned nWo. It was perfectly in line with his character, which ALWAYS called Hogan out.

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  24. Savage got chokeslammed on concrete? that sounds painful

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  25. Anyone who thinks Hugh Morris had a chance to headline anything other than a flea market is kidding themselves.

    Morris' claims to fame are being Goldberg's first televised loss, having Austin making fun of his stupid name during the Invasion, and cruising into the head trainer job with WWE. He wasn't going to go further than that.

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  26. Precisely. Had he been all "Thank god our hero Hogan is here to save us all!!" *THAT* would have been giving it away.

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  27. That's how I always took it. Heenan was staying true to his character. True pro.

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  28. How do you feel about tipping, Mr Pink?

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  29. Of all the retired wrestlers they have at their disposal, why did they pick Hugh Morrus to be their head trainer?

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  30. I disagree, I love little plays to the camera and miss them. It's not a "fourth wall," the cameras are physically there as part of the story. James Bond talking to the camera is breaking the fourth wall. A wrestler doing it isn't, or at least it shouldn't be. Just like Jim Halpert or David St. Hubbins acknowledging the camera isn't.

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  31. Is there any correlation between a great wrestler and a great trainer? There sure as hell isn't between great players and great coaches/managers--if anything, it's just the opposite.

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  32. Usually, desperation. "If we don't have (insert big star's name here) on the February PPV, it will die. If we don't have him on this April TV episode, it will bomb. If we don't have him on this big show in May, it will be deep-sixed." And then come November, "what do you mean all his dates are used up?" Foresight isn't always the wrestling promoter's strong suit.
    Imagine if Cena had had a Hogan-esque contract over the last 5-10 years. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in Vince's office if Cena told him he couldn't work the rest of the year, and it was only September :D

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  33. I haven't a clue.

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  34. The anemic crowd reactions for the Hulk Ups are getting pretty embarrassing at this point.

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  35. I want my coffee cup filled six times.

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  36. I'm waiting for somebody to open up a vineyard called "Orton Vineyards" JUST so I can go wine tasting there and yell, "MMM! That's VINTAGE ORTON!"

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  37. You know my Aunt Schrödinger??? What a small world!

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  38. I know her and yet I don't know her.

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  39. "the commentators doing a good job sounding confused when plot angles shift"


    Given that it was WCW, I doubt they were acting when they were confused.

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  40. WCW never really had their "Wrestlemania" because they kept changing what their biggest show of the year was. Sometimes it was Starrcade, sometimes it was Superbrawl and sometimes it was Havoc.

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  41. People miss the first guy that sees Hogan is Bobby. He actually says, Hulkamania as both Tony and Dusty scream Hulk Hogan is here. Even for a moment, Bobby is glad to see Hogan -- but then after some thinking he screams - but who side is he on. It's very subtle, but Bobby has a brief moment as Hogan walks out that he is glad to see him and quickly comes to his senses because the character of the Brain never trusted Hogan to begin with. But track down the video as Tony says Sting doesn't look good, you can hear Bobby's voice go "Hulkamania" when Hogan shows up. Maybe it could have been a slip due to drinking or something, but I always got that moment of even Bobby was glad to see Hogan for like half a second before realizing that it was Hogan.

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  42. Yeah, I'll never complain about a match that shows Kimberly the entire time.

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  43. There really isn't. Most of the great wrestlers were trained by guys who were never stars.

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  44. That Austin-Morrus bit was fantastic. "Humorous?"

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  45. Yeah, that always stuck in my craw. Kimberly was a 10/10 and Sara was like a 6/10. It made no sense.

    Plus Kim was legitimately hotter to me than any of the WWF chicks, even the amazing Trish.

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  46. Watched that womens match based on the review. Fantastic

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  47. It made a huge difference when the 20+ minute interview segments became en vogue. WCW wrestlers would talk directly to the camera ignoring the 4-25,000 in attendance depending on the venue whereas WWF wrestlers would talk to the fans there with the TV audience secondary. I never felt so out of place until I went to Nitro at the Nassau Coliseum in 2000 and felt like I was just there for posterity rather than being addressed directly.

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  48. "Is that supposed to be funny? What? Is that supposed to amuse me? What?"

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  49. I wouldn't call being General Hugh E. Rection a career highlight.

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  50. "This was actually leading to the goofy bingo storyline for DDP and the “mysterious benefactor” angle that never paid off..."

    "The whole Luger-Sting-Hogan deal continues to make no sense and really didn’t go anywhere in the long run..."

    Because, WCW...

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  51. wow, a ***3/4 rating for a 5-minute women's match. Scott needs to review the DreamSlams- that shit would blow his fucking mind.

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  52. I know she had a few pictures in one of them. Great body, total Butterface. Dawn Marie had the same issue.

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  53. Agreed- the more natural dark hair and toned yoga body is WAY better than the puffy-muscled WWF version.

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  54. So you're going to That Place?

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  55. Do I punt the grapes instead of stomping them?

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  56. What do The Voices say?

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  57. Well, they talk to me, they understand, saying, "have more wine...HAVE MORE WIIIIIINE!"

    ReplyDelete

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