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The PG Era Rant: Raw, 10.20.14

The PG Era Rant for Raw, October 20, 2014.

On tonight's show:

  • John Cena and Dean Ambrose face the Authority in a Handicap Street Fight.
  • AJ/Paige and Usos/Dusts have been added to Hell in a Cell, giving us 8 matches on the night.
  • Six-man rematch: Usos/Sheamus v. Dusts/Miz.

Live from Kansas City, MO.

Your hosts are as always.

We look back at last week's main event first.

WE HAVE A CELL LOWERING TO THE RING!


And our first speakers are the Authority. Lilian Garcia has taken over for Justin Roberts. I wonder what that banner is curled up behind them. HHH leads off, saying he will be proud of the Authority after they face off against Cena and Ambrose. And then on Sunday, Cena and Ambrose go to Hell. In a Cell. Unspeakable things will happen on Sunday! 9.99!

HHH makes clear that Hell in a Cell is not a match you win – even if HHH is the winningest person in it – but it's a match you survive. HHH promises that both rivalries will END on Sunday. The rivalries, of course, being Orton/Cena and Ambrose/Rollins.

Rollins bats second, saying he's happy to be called Mr. Money in the Bank, but (Crowd: YOU SOLD OUT.) he'd prefer Undisputed Future of the WWE. He thinks it has a great ring to it. The key is future, which Ambrose will not have after the main event on Sunday...

...but Orton steps in, saying he's the main event because he and Cena have had slightly more than a cup of coffee in WWE. HHH has to step in: it's a double main event, so you're both right. But Cena and Orton has one more stipulation: it's a #1 Contender's Match for the WWE Championship. Orton likes it. Orton goes cheap heat on the Royals before promising he will beat Cena, then Lesnar.

HHH knows the Authority will make him proud tonight and on Sunday. The Authority always wins, and that's best for business. Kane sets off pyro, and we're out.

We look back at the shenanigans on Main Event with Sheamus, Sandow, and Miz.

Okay, that banner is probably the curled-up Russian flag. Anyway, it's good to know they talked Brock into getting off his ranch and doing his day job for Survivor Series. At least, I hope it's Survivor Series.

Sheamus & Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso v. Miz & Goldust & Stardust. Inset promos from both the Usos and the Dusts talk about Sunday's match (although they almost start the Dust one during the Uso entrance – why is Kevin Dunn employed again?). HASHTAG! Actually, wait, Sandow is going to take Miz's place. Jimmy and Stardust start, and Jimmy with an uppercut and slam as Miz goes to commentary. Senton gets two by Jimmy. Jey in with his flying forearm, and a snapmare gets one. Stardust cuts Jey off, but Goldust gets hip-tossed for one. Goldust rushes the corner, and Stardust returns with the Disaster Kick for two. Goldust tags in and taunts Jey as we go to break.

KEVIN DUNN DELENDA EST.

#6ManTag, part two. Goldust with a spinebuster to Jey for two as we return. Stardust in, and he chokes Jey with his shin. Sandow tags himself in, getting a headbutt and the Million Dollar Neckbreaker for two. Sandow with a charge that eats boot, but Stardust stops a hot tag. Goldust in, and he slugs Jey out on his feet. Jey wins a slugfest, but Goldust with a kneeling uppercut only to get hit with a Dragon Whip. Hot tag Sheamus, and Sandow gets the worst of it. Kneelift and Stardust is sent packing, and this leads to a Ten of Clubs attempt, but Goldust distracts and Sandow tries to take over. Sheamus with a powerslam for two, Goldust saves. Goldust slams Jimmy, but Jey with a superkick and he dives on Goldust. Stardust with a blind dive to the Usos, and Sheamus dumps Sandow and bowls everyone over. Sandow's tossed back in, and the Brogue is warmed up. Stardust misses the Disaster Kick, and Sheamus Brogue Kicks him. Sandow cradles Sheamus for the pin at 9:42. Miz acts like HE won. **

I'm not entirely certain about that rating because they kept cutting to Miz at commentary rather than show the match. Thanks, Kev.

Backstage, Orton wants to talk to HHH. He thanks HHH for the chance on Sunday and promises to win. HHH doesn't doubt and admits it's been a long time coming... but the whole thing was Seth's idea, not HHH. Orton can't comprehend that, but he needs to thank Seth personally.

The Wyatt Family is going their separate ways, and somehow this is even scarier, because Bray Wyatt has Sister Abigail as his prophet. It's coming.

If you have DVR, look back at Bray in that video. He's wearing a jacket that people in NXT should find very familiar.

Non-Title: AJ Lee v. Alicia Fox. Paige is at ringside. We view the highlights of SmackDown before the match. Fox knocks over AJ, but gets caught with a back elbow. Cradle gets one. Another cradle gets two. AJ skips while holding Fox's hair, and a spin kick (allegedly) gets two. Fox knocks down AJ for two. Fox sends AJ into the corner, and a Northern Lights Suplex gets two. To the chinlock, using the hair to control AJ. She slams her face-first into the map and kicks her around, then a tilt-a-whirl gets two. Fox (screaming at AJ): “I HATE YOU!” Double handed chinlock by Fox, and she throws AJ into the corner to get a boot choke. She stops to yell at the ref, so AJ kicks her down and gets a Thesz Press. Corner clothesline and Rude Awakening follow, then a head-scissors as Fox bails. Paige tries to fire Fox up, throwing her back in and distracting AJ. It works, as Fox gets the cradle for the pin at 4:15. 1/2*

So Seth Rollins is admiring his contract backstage when Orton thanks him for the idea. But why would Rollins DO that? While Orton appreciates it, he asks Rollins to step aside and let him handle it himself. Rollins makes it clear: if somehow Orton moves on to beat Brock Lesnar, he'd be the Champion... oh, and then the briefcase is a target on Orton.

I like the mutual loathing Rollins and Orton have going. I don't like how there's no likeable human being in the Divas' Division outside of Brie Bella, and I'm not allowed to like her because she's not a wrestler.

Hulk Hogan is on WWE Backstage Pass, exclusively on the WWE Universe Network!

Randy Orton is out again. He reminds us this isn't even their first Hell in a Cell match. But time flies quickly – their debuts were all of 12 years ago, but even then Orton was the bigger deal. (The crowd chants for the Royals, so Orton reminds them that he thinks the Royals will lose the World Series.) Ever since then, they've become the Hogan/Piper or Bret/Shawn of their time. Sure, Orton respects Cena, but he's still just a punk from Boston going against wrestling royalty Take your creed and shove it up your ass because Orton doesn't care about anything but himself. That's why Orton won at the Royal Rumble the last time they met, and he'll win Sunday. Orton will savor every second of beating Cena. And after that...

...wait, before we go any further, here's Cena. (He hangs out with fans wearing Royals gear at ringside just for fun.) Cena: “Shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth!” Everyone respects Orton's skills and his status as a future Hall of Famer, but every time he talks, he proves his own stupidity. Stop talking about the past like a grandpa. That was then, this is now – and with all Kansas City is getting right now (applause break), you come here to insult the baseball team? That was then (and the last time Orton was relevant), and this is now. The Royals are in the World Series.

But Orton reminds people that getting there is one thing, winning is another. Cena says the idiot has a point – getting to Hell in a Cell is one thing, winning is something Orton can't do. Cena may have wanted Rollins, but no more, because a win means he gets Brock Lesnar one more time. Sure the structure is Hell, but there won't be another chapter on Sunday. Orton will be locked in a Cell with him – and Cena sees Brock Lesnar when he looks at Orton. And Hell is coming with Cena.

But ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman. He's not into the revisionist history and how laughable it is – the best of the Class of 2002 was neither of them. It was Brock Lesnar. So think about it (like Heyman does, all the time), the current WWE Champion Brock Lesnar was champion then, too. Sure, this Sunday... (Heyman pauses to see the Cell) ...on Sunday, Cena and Orton will be in the Cell to win for the Championship Of Each Other. They have an equal as their opponent. But they are not Brock's equal because Brock has no equal. The winner will lose in the long run, because they face a Beast. Orton wants that title back, but he should want no part of Brock. Heyman then cuts Cena off from leaving – Cena wants all of Brock Lesnar. Which isn't sound thinking, because if – IF – Cena gets past Randy Orton, he will have to face Brock Lesnar and get killed one more time.

So Cena gives Heyman the AA... or threatens to, then thinks better of it as Heyman screams for mercy. And it's an RKO out of nowhere! Orton: “Who's stupid now?” Heyman laughs at Cena. “Wrong place, wrong time.” So Orton RKOs Heyman for good measure. “Who's the dumbass now?”

A look back at this week in Big Show vs. Rusev.

I'd have enjoyed Orton's heel work a lot more if it wasn't patently obvious Cena's winning on Sunday. Orton has been treading water for so long thanks to Evolution and Rollins, he's a lame duck. And it's too bad.

Rusev v. Big E. Lockup goes nowhere. A second try is a clean break. Round Three allows Rusev to kick and attack in consecutive corners. Big E fights out, getting the running Vader attack to send Rusev out of the ring. Big E follows, and after some reversals, Rusev eats barricade. Back in, Big E gets a kneelift and works Rusev over in the corner. Rusev headbutts away to take over, smashing Big E in the back. A front chancery follows, switching to a side chinlock. Big E fights off, but Rusev knocks him over out of the ropes and stomps away. An awkward criss-cross ends with Rusev getting a spin kick to Big E as we go to break.

Not sure I understand why this isn't a squash.

Rusev/Langston, part two. Rusev gets snapmared, and Big E gets a Greco-Roman suplex. He charges into a superkick, though. And the Accolade ends it at 7:22, half of which was commercial. Call it *1/4 for what we saw. Lana then says Big Show will fail on Sunday because he's a circus freak instead of a hero. Rusev promises to eat Big Show's heart. The people will despise Big Show when he loses. Lana then asks everyone to rise for the Russian colors... only they don't come down.

Big Show appears on the Tron... and then reveals he's replaced the Russian flag with the American flag! Play some “Stars and Stripes Forever”! But Rusev remembers what Big Show did and decides to rip the US flag down... only for a “soldier” to enter in protest. Rusev kicks the soldier's head off and walks away.

I repeat, KEVIN DUNN DELENDA EST.

Moments Ago, because a stupid idea that amuses Vince and Dunn must be replayed.

And now Big Show's in the ring, with all the flags still present. He's so emotional he can barely speak. So we get a USA chant to fill time. He says that Rusev has crossed the line by attacking the soldier. Now he has Big Show's attention. Don't get in his head; it's a dark place. And now Big Show will unleash the wrath on Rusev's head. The American Giant will end Rusev's 15 minutes of fame.

He starts to leave, but he has one more thing to add – screw Sunday, let's do this now! He keeps yelling for Rusev...

...but Rusev doesn't show. Show: “Fine. You won't come to me? I'll come to you.” And now the pursuit is on. (Cole finally addresses the elephant in the room: no one should've rushed the ring in the first place.)

Backstage, Show is headed for Rusev's dressing room. He kicks the door down, and finds it abandoned

Meanwhile, Dean Ambrose is watching See No Evil 2 and munching on popcorn. It's research for their match. Cena arrives and is not amused. Ambrose points out the Superman/Batman dynamic between the two. “But really, we just don't mix.” Cena tries for a reality check: they're in a match with three people who want to put them on the shelf. Ambrose says he enjoys street fights, and his plan is to take as many people down as possible. Just fight. Cena can dig it – but Ambrose is totally more Joker than Batman. Ambrose: “Why so serious?”

The Superman/Batman dynamic explains why the youths cheer for Cena and the young adults cheer Ambrose. Me? I'll enjoy the show. Oh, and to put a bow on this crap – someone rushed the ring on Rusev. He is totally within his right to defend himself. And yeah, I know it was a plant. It still sends the wrong message.

Stephanie McMahon got an Eisenhower Fellowship. Whatever that is.

Brie Bella v. Summer Rae. Summer with a kneelift and she sends Brie into the corner. She shoves Brie down for one. Crucifix by Brie gets two. Brie with YES kicks to the leg, then more in the corner. Nikki watches as Summer gets a high spinning kick for two. Summer goes for the Cobra Clutch, which is sold like a resthold. Summer uses the hair to keep control, getting one. Back to the Cobra Clutch. Brie snapmares out of it, and they do the double hairpull slam. Brie with forearms and a dropkick to take control, and the running knee connects. Brie Mode missile dropkick misses, and Summer gets two. Summer stomps away, but Brie reverses a whip and gets the missile dropkick on the second try. Facebuster gets the pin at 3:40. 3/4*

Hot Take: Honestly, Brie is messing up a lot less than AJ lately. I don't know what's going on with AJ, who has shown she can have a fantastic match, but she's looked off her game lately. Combine this with Paige's stage fright, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Bellas match is better than AJ and Paige. It's not odds-on, but it's not a long shot either.

Dean Ambrose has a huge duffel bag with him as he heads to the ring. He looks up at the Cell before speaking. He says he's dreamed about what he will do to Seth Rollins, and it will happen on Sunday. He gets that “Power Ranger Suit Sellout” inside the Cell where no one will stop him. He opens the duffel bag to reveal a Seth Rollins CPR dummy. He addresses the dummy, calling him a puppet for the Authority for a pat on the back and a paycheck. But dirty isn't right, because Seth doesn't get his hands dirty. But Ambrose does still care, so he'll start by ripping Seth's hands off (which he demonstrates). That way Seth will never getting his hands dirty again. Ambrose slaps “Seth” with his own arm. Seth should know what Ambrose does – he screws other people back harder as he drives a screwdriver into “Seth”'s nose. He then smacks the dummy with a hammer. He then says he “saw” himself chopping off Seth's testicles... but Seth's testicles are Authority property, so instead he'll jam the hot dog tongs back into the sensitive area. (“You don't need to have kids anyway.”) And then the dummy gets a piledriver.

But now the real Seth Rollins appears, flanked Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble. Seth says he's finally found an opponent Ambrose can relate to. We all know Dean can't beat Rollins, but at least he can parlay this into stand-up comedy. What's next, a watermelon? Balloon animals? (Ambrose throws the detached arm at Rollins.) Rollins admits to selling out, and he hates hearing it from fellow Mid-westerners. But that's where similarities end. He knew he was more than trailer-park trash. Rollins says no one can relate to him because he is a SOMEBODY. That's why people are taking pictures of him while calling him a sellout, saying it's the best part of Raw. So what if he sold out?

Ambrose, though, has an electric drill and tells Rollins to be quiet or get a preview. Rollins doesn't sweat Ambrose. He's not worried. The Cell means nothing...

...but before we go any further, here's Mick Foley! Mick said he wanted to visit an old friend (meaning the Cell). He wants to congratulate both for fulfilling their destinies, since he remembers the TLC match back in 2012 that stole the show. The bar is high, and he watches WWE TV all the time (including the Network). And yes, the Shield were great as a team... but he thinks it'll be better as opponents.

He finds Ambrose “disturbingly poetic”, but in every scenario he thinks of, he sees Rollins winning. Rollins: “Now we're talking!” Just when Foley seemed like a dinosaur who mocks wrestling, he still has some brains left. But Foley said ALMOST any scenario – the Cell is slightly different. Foley knows Ambrose can rip Rollins's face off. And yeah, Foley has worn Santa attire all year because he believes in his last vestiges of innocence that he didn't lose in Pittsburgh. He's proud of the Hell he went through then. But as a veteran of the Cell, he knows those scars will be there – emotional scars that won't heal.

Ambrose says thanks, but... he has no innocence and more scars don't bother him. He doesn't care what he loses, and he knows no one else understands him. He thinks Foley just might. He's ready for Hell in a Cell – will it be worth it, Seth? ASK YOURSELF!

Rollins declares them both crazy, but if they think crazy matters on Sunday, they've lost it. It's not about crazy (and Ambrose is out of his damn mind). Rollins will beat Ambrose the same way he always does – through superior intellect. His mind is way above Ambrose's. It's not about crazy, it's about smart.

Foley then reminds Rollins that brains mean nothing when you're thrown off a Cell. The Cell defines Foley, and it will define both of them. He doesn't think they're ready for life on the other side. Tomorrow, the Kansas City people (cheap pop) will get the game they've been waiting for all their lives. On Sunday, that's what Ambrose and Rollins get too. Have a nice day. Ambrose is excited, but Rollins is hesitant – more so when Ambrose goes to swing a chair at him. Ambrose throws the dummy at Rollins and the stooges. They sell it.

So. The bit of Ambrose attacking the dummy probably looked like it could've worked on paper, but in practice came off flat. Foley saved the segment and provided the contrast needed: Ambrose is more mentally prepared than Rollins... but that doesn't say much.

Cesaro v. Dolph Ziggler. Wait, what? Now? Isn't this a match for Sunday? HASHTAG! JBL gives his condolences to Ox Baker's family. A tie-up goes nowhere. Both try for some amateur wrestling, leading to a Cesaro headlock. Cesaro knocks over Dolph and drops on him for one. Another headlock, but Cesaro blocks a hiptoss and slugs out Dolph. Dolph falls out the back of a powerslam and dropkicks Cesaro, who bails before the giant elbow. Cesaro gains control only to be sent to the floor. Dolph follows, sending Cesaro to the barricade. Back in, Dolph with a sunset flip for two. Cesaro gets a Stun Gun on Dolph to take control as we go to break.

Hm. Nope, that match isn't official yet.

Cesaro/Ziggler, part two. Cesaro has Dolph ties up but Dolph elbows out. Dolph ties a sunset flip, but Cesaro pics him up and does a clean-and-jerk gutbuster for two. He walks the middle rope for a double axhandle, then a second rope elbowdrop gets two. Back to a Cobra Clutch. Cesaro sends Dolph into the corner, getting a Hotshot out of it, but he leaps off the top into a dropkick. Dolph begins the comeback, getting the Stinger Splash and Rude Awakening. Giant elbow gets two. Rocker Dropper try, but after some reversals it's Dolph with a cradle for two. Cesaro tries the Ricola Bomb, but Dolph gets the Kidman counter for two. Dolph with an uppercut, but the leaping DDT is caught. Kicks are missed, and Cesaro with an uppercut for the pin at 9:31. That was abrupt. ** Cesaro adds a Neutralizer while calling for the belt.

Orton and Rollins are arguing when HHH stops them. He names Kane the captain of the team, since neither Orton nor Rollins can trust the other. Kane yells them to attention, and says they have to begin the process tonight, so PUT ASIDE YOUR DIFFERENCES already. It's time to give a taste of Hell. Orton and Rollins still don't trust each other, but they fall in line.

This needs to be a great main event. This show so far has been mediocre. It's felt off.

Hell in a Cell Kickoff will have Damien Sandow interviewing the Miz, while Paul Heyman will join the panel.

Hell in a Cell gets the Royal Rumble “By The Numbers” treatment.

The same Wyatt Family video as before.

I didn't say it then, but before the main event's as good a place as any: I think it's a very good sign that Cena/Orton got the 9:00 slot and Ambrose/Rollins got the 10:00 slot.

Main Event, no DQ: John Cena and Dean Ambrose v. The Authority. HASHTAG! It's a brawl to start, with Ambrose going after Rollins and leaving Cena to fend off the other two. Kane bails and Orton is tossed, so Ambrose and Rollins start. Ambrose reverses a whip and gets a forearm and bulldog combo. Ambrose with the Bret Hart wishbone stomp and a bow-and-arrow hair pull. Ambrose with a Hammer Throw next, following up with a clothesline. He clears the apron before dumping Rollins and following. He clears the announce table, but the partners jump in to stop whatever happens next. Ambrose elbowdrops the mob. Ambrose introduces a chair to the match and throws Rollins in. He uses the chair liberally on Rollins across the back. Ambrose enters a trance before ducking outside and looking for more weaponry. He finds a table, but Kane throws Ambrose on it, denting it. Kane sends Cena into the steps as we go to break.

Why is this match being held under tag rules? It's a street fight!

#StreetFight, part two. Rollins hooks the nose of Ambrose and drops an elbow. He adds a neck crank for good measure. Ambrose bites the hand to break, so Rollins stomps away. Orton tags in, dropping Ambrose on the top rope. He rakes the face with his knee pad and brings Rollins back in. Rollins punches Ambrose down and looks at the Cell before adding back elbows. He taunts Cena, so Ambrose tries to fight out but gets nowhere. Orton helps Rollins work Ambrose over in the corner. He tags in (“Same team”) and stomps Ambrose's foot. Cover gets one. Orton follows Ambrose crawling to Cena, then begins the Garvin Stomp to stop it. It gets two. Ambrose fights back with some boxing jabs, but Orton goes low. Blind charge eats boot and Ambrose goes up with a missile dropkick. Hot tag Cena, and he goes to comeback town on Rollins. Five Knuckle Shuffle (as Orton can't see Cena), and an AA to Kane. Cena finds another table and brings it in (since the first one broke). He has Rollins stuck with the corner empty, and it's AA time, but Rollins avoids the table and sends Cena into a wedged chair in the corner. Orton works on Ambrose on the outside, sending him into the steps. Kane picks up the stairs, and Orton sends Ambrose into them. Rollins has Cena down and puts the table up in the corner. But Cena gets up and goes for an AA only to be reversed to a Shiranui for two. Kane drags Cena outside the ring and throws him into Michael Cole. Cole got out of the way. Kane then sends Cena into the steps as Cole and JBL try to get mic'd up again. Cena eats post on the outside, and back in, Kane sends Cena through the table. Kane drags Cena out of the rubble, but instead of covering, he kicks Ambrose away. Kane demands the Cell be lowered, and it is – with Ambrose stuck outside and Cena in it! Kane uppercuts Cena and tags in Orton as Ambrose barely sneaks in under the lowering Cell and gets the hot tag. He dives onto all three men and tosses Rollins and Kane before working on Orton. Dropkick to Rollins sends him into the Cell, and Ambrose with the rope-tangle clothesline on Orton. Ambrose has kendo sticks now, and he goes to town on Orton. White Russian legsweep follows, and Ambrose gets a chair. He goes to the top rope with it, and it's a chair-aided elbowdrop to Orton. Kane returns and tries a goozle, but Ambrose has a chair and uses it. Orton is dumped, and Rollins is tossed onto Orton. And Ambrose dives into Rollins and the Cell, knocking everyone out. Orton is up first and tosses Ambrose into the post. He's ready for the RKO, but Cena catches him for an AA. Orton escapes, and Kane chokeslams Cena. Dirty Deeds to Kane, and Orton gets the RKO for the pin at 18:31. And right after the match, Rollins gives Orton the Curbstomp. “I call the shots around here!” Rollins is the only one standing – on top of the Cell, even – as we go off the air. ***1/4

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Unlike last week, this show seemed a mess. It was like the show was re-written at the last minute... which, knowing Vince, it probably was. Other than that, a typical go-home show.

HOW I'D BOOK IT:

  1. Sheamus beats the Miz to retain the US Title.
  2. Rusev beats Big Show by TKO.
  3. In the Cell, John Cena defeats Randy Orton.
  4. In an added match, Dolph Ziggler defeats Cesaro to retain the Intercontinental Title.
  5. AJ Lee pins Paige to retain the Divas' Title.
  6. Goldust and Stardust beat the Usos.
  7. Nikki Bella beats Brie Bella with aid from Stephanie.
  8. In the Cell, Dean Ambrose beats Seth Rollins when Randy Orton turns face.

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 53:01 over six matches
BEST MATCH: The main event
WORST MATCH: AJ/Fox
NIGHT MVP: Seth Rollins

FINAL SCORE: Meh, 4/10.

Let's check the calendar: Matt Perri reviews Main Event on Tuesday. Tommy Hall does the other shows the rest of the week. Stranger in the Alps will run the daily discussion. Brian Bayless will run the e-fed. Danielle Stolman will be tortured with Total Divas. And I'll be back in seven days, if not sooner.

I'll be on the Network.

Comments

  1. Andy PG, quicker and more Robust than a Wendy's Quardruple Stack Baconator!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 20, 2014 at 9:40 PM

    You're not funny and no one likes you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why does Meekin get buried here?

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  4. I deserve good things, I am entitled to my share of happiness. I
    refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be
    with.
    But today, I've decided to take a risk, and wear a new sweater.

    ReplyDelete
  5. https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=Question+Of+The+Day+Paul+Meekin+Scotts+Blog+of+Doom

    Go from the low numbers to the high numbers.

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  6. Night MVP: Kansas City Royals. We ready.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 20, 2014 at 9:47 PM

    Go jump into a vat of acid. The only person you're entertaining is yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 20, 2014 at 9:48 PM

    Because he says fucking stupid things, has an overinflated sense of self importance and tries to be clever and just comes off as cringeworthy.

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  9. He trolled the blog for months through his QOTD and his movie reviews and then got upset when everyone turned on him.

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  10. Why shouldn't Ambrose beat Rollins clean?

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  11. Because in my world, this ends not here, but at TLC.

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  12. Bit of an overreaction here.

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  13. HIAC should be where feuds ends. It's supposed to be THE gimmick match.

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  14. There's an abandoned forum on the bar up top that archives the many, many reasons.

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  15. Unfortunate side effect of having TLC and HiaC within two months. But it's really time for them to find something else to do.

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  16. How come you never responded to the pumpkin kitten thread? I mean, you asked people to give you a code that proved they read it

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  17. And fans of Stuart Saves His Family

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  18. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 20, 2014 at 9:57 PM

    You're so bad at everything you wish you were good at.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love using the overinflated sense of self importance line

    ReplyDelete
  20. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 20, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    So Kane's just sitting there and nope, Ambrose eats the clean pin. Way to build up that new main event babyface!

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  21. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 20, 2014 at 9:59 PM

    Also, ten fucking years on television and Orton still can't work the mic. Amazing how over pushed this guy is.

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  22. Seriously, wwe is 94/95 level bad right now.

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  23. And sadly I kind of want him to fight Brock now. Just because that's the only guy he hasn't fought a thousand times.

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  24. The only Brock/Orton match I'd have interest in is an mma fight so there's be a chance I'd never have to see Orton on tv again. Short of that it's a big who gives a shit.

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  25. And there's the first "I wish legitimate pain on people who do not entertain me enough" post of the night.

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  26. Tonight really was a parade of the least over pro wrestling roster ever assembled.

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  27. Cmon with Brock-Orton we get the crushing disappointment of Orton not hitting Brock with a RKO mid Shiiting star press. It'll be fun!

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  28. Right because me posting that actually will lead to someone being hurt. Eat shit you self righteous awful writer.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The back button's right there. You can leave and allow the rest of us to discuss the show rationally any minute now.

    ReplyDelete
  30. More painful: watching all of raw without a FF or reading every word of an Andy recap?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Seriously, go to bed. You're being a dick. And I know you can be better than this.

    ReplyDelete
  32. The delete button is on your keyboard. You can use it to delete anything you ever write so nobody has to accidentally read it while scrolling down to the comment section.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dude, what is wrong with you today? You are better than this. I know you are better than this. Did you come in here hoping to start a fight?

    ReplyDelete
  34. This could be a lot worse, like that creep from 411. Or we could have Meekin rate this like a movie.


    "IT STINKS!"

    ReplyDelete
  35. Nah not tired yet. Also your recaps suck has anyone ever mentioned that?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Disagree, I like em.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Do you have anything to say about the show or are you just here to piss on everyone you don't like?

    ReplyDelete
  38. Listen, I think you're a shitty writer, and your little self righteous reply annoyed me. So there.

    ReplyDelete
  39. As for raw it was a terrible show, what else is there to say?

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  40. I couldn't steal this show :(

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  41. And yet you read it.

    ReplyDelete
  42. AJ's had a fantastic match?

    ReplyDelete
  43. Main Event vs. Natalya.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Worst RAW I've seen in ages. All champions jobbed, Ambrose pinned clean, Long drawn out promos, bad Cena comedy, Orton overkill, absolutely horrid in ring action, and the icing on the cake, the tasteless "soldier" segment. They backpedal for disgracing the Russian flag, then they pull THIS?? WWE is absolutely horrible. I have never been less engaged in any era...at least the mid 90s had comprehensible storylines and compelling characters. This is horrendous, repetitive, soulless bullshit. Goodnight.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Not true, Meekin is a brilliant poster.

    ReplyDelete
  46. See you next...well, you know where I'm going.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Sounds like someone is lacking a bit of emotional control.


    Hint: not Andy

    ReplyDelete
  48. Lol I've actually only watched the last couple weeks....prior to that I stopped watching after Bryan went down. I have only started watching cuz I moved in with my new roommate and he watches every week so it's fun to pick it apart together. But yeh we literally watched the show in thirty minutes and it still felt like a marathon. Never has been this bad.

    ReplyDelete
  49. You need to. They gave the two 15 minutes and it was as good as any Raw midcard match. I think it was from February.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonOctober 20, 2014 at 10:37 PM

    *Jobber hears a scream and looks up. His eyes grow big and he dives out of the way as Holmberg goes through the roof of his car.*


    Jobber: "DAMMIT HOLMBERG!! Do you know WHAT this is going to do to my insurance premium?!?!?!"


    Holmberg: "Sorry....sir...."

    ReplyDelete
  51. What format. Word or just put it in the email?

    ReplyDelete
  52. "they made Mabel MEAN something"

    Yet no one gave a shit about him. Saying they put effort into a lost cause doesn't make for a good argument.

    "they made you CARE about Savio Vega."



    Man this revisionist history sure is something. Because I sure didn't give a shit about him then, or now.


    Dean Ambrose is more engaging than both of the above, weak booking or not.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Any format is fine.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonOctober 20, 2014 at 10:46 PM

    Why it gotta be DARK?!?!?! Dat's raycess...

    ReplyDelete
  55. That was Kanyon's specialty match.

    ReplyDelete
  56. The point I'm trying and failing to make is that back then, things mattered. Yes Mabel sucked in every way but they built him properly and followed thru with it. In one night at KOTR, they made 11 year old me buy into Savio. The Tatanka/Lex storyline was executed nicely too. Not saying it was great, but things were treated seriously and made to matter. Now, it's just whatever from week to week, and the mid card is a swap and switch merry go round to nowhere. The in ring action is solid but when it ultimately means nothing....so what?

    ReplyDelete
  57. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 20, 2014 at 10:51 PM

    "I can assure you, I'm not high."

    ReplyDelete
  58. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonOctober 20, 2014 at 10:53 PM

    Meh..*goes back to trying to kill Rockstar Gary*

    ReplyDelete
  59. Kill his #1 fan and make him watch before you do.

    ReplyDelete
  60. The problem is they treated the wrong things seriously, to quote Scott Keith when he paraphrased JR, "Like executing a good running play, BUT running the wrong way and scoring a touchdown for the opposing team."


    In other words, a polished turd is still a turd.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonOctober 20, 2014 at 10:57 PM

    Cool. *Pops the trunk of the truck and drags RSG's #1 fan out of the back.*


    Better drink some Red Bull and hope you sprout wings mother fuc...


    *Camera cuts off*

    ReplyDelete
  62. The first match in his career that induced tears in many eyes for unintended reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Lets be grateful that the english language is the ONLY thing Ray Lewis is butchering these days.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 20, 2014 at 11:04 PM

    In what universe?

    ReplyDelete
  65. AJ Lee is by far and away the most overrated WWE wrestler from the posters at this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Is the weird guy obsessed with AJ still writing at 411?


    Those recaps are horrendous

    ReplyDelete
  67. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonOctober 20, 2014 at 11:14 PM

    If anyone writes their own promos does that put them in line for a shot for the writers title?

    ReplyDelete
  68. The Writer's Division are those with posting privileges. Its dwindled down recently

    ReplyDelete
  69. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryOctober 20, 2014 at 11:24 PM

    " I'm not allowed to like her because she's not a wrestler."


    Well, that plus being a black hole of charisma. I don't understand what's there to like. You never have to worry about leaving money on the table with a Bella because they bring nothing to it.


    Now someone call up Charlotte to the main roster already.

    ReplyDelete
  70. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryOctober 20, 2014 at 11:31 PM

    I think it was one star, but yeah, he really shat on the "stunt show" quality of it. i'M SORRY HE COULDN'T CHAIN WRESTLE WITH HIS INSIDES DISPLACED!


    Glad that he came around on it, because it was one of the absolute greatest spectacles ever in wrestling. I remember watching it live and thought he wasn't walking after the first fall, nevermind the second.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Aside from Natalya, no one else is better than her in the skill department.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Considering the state of the diva's roster, that's hardly a complement.

    Being the best in the division doesn't mean you are great or even good for that matter.

    It's like a MLB team that is terrible and has to have someone represent them in the All-Star game. They are not really an all-star caliber performer, they are just the best that they have. AJ is like that. The best they have and she is just an okay performer

    ReplyDelete
  73. Brian, I appreciate your insight, but you didn't have to cancel your vacation to share it.

    ReplyDelete
  74. (Tommy Hall is window shopping at a throwback store. He doesn't see Andy PG behind him... yet.)

    APG: "Reminiscing?"

    TH: "Don't rub it in. All the stuff I had is being kept as collateral. I can't actually buy anything here... probably not for a long time. All because I'm down one month's salary."

    APG: "Well... it was your idea. I didn't ask for money to be on the line. You did. You're the one who went beyond his means."

    TH: "Are you here to rub it in?"

    APG: "C'mon, who do you think I am? I'm no Top 5'er, above the law and causing crime. I'm not Stackhouse, preaching some dark message. I ain't Bayless, changing the rules and stacking the deck. If you beat me inside the Cell, you'll get your money back. I'll make sure of it."

    TH: "I hope so."

    APG: "You know, it's funny... remember how this began? You thought you could buy my vote. And I said no. I wonder if you wish you'd tried to win a title match the old-fashioned way now."

    TH: "Shut up, you Johnny come lately rookie. You think you know how to survive at the Blog of Doom because they talk to you every Monday? I've been writing forever. I will be here when you're gone. And the e-money I get will be enough to buy you out and get rid of you."

    APG: "Hey. Big talk for someone who lives outside his means. I was just beginning to feel sorry for you. No more. At Hell in a Cell, you will be broke. I will leave no survivors."

    ReplyDelete
  75. An okay performer who's more charismatic than the rest. In this business, THAT counts for alot.

    ReplyDelete
  76. AJ's a good wrestler WHEN she has something to work with. But with this division, that hardly happens.

    ReplyDelete
  77. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xlmsec_026-shawn-michaels-vs-mankind-in-your-house-10-1996-wwf-championship_sport

    ReplyDelete
  78. Crikey Mate Down Under AussieOctober 21, 2014 at 12:04 AM

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  79. I think we can all agree both matches will suck and none of us will really be watching them. If divas match hits two stars while I'm in the bathroom did it really happen? No.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Maybe there's an alternative dimension where Meekin saw Apocalypse Now before he got out of high school like everyone else that likes movies?

    ReplyDelete
  81. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 21, 2014 at 12:29 AM

    Or maybe there's a dimension where his stupid jokes about his 4 inch penis and his innovative mutton chop neck beard get him laid all the time

    ReplyDelete
  82. I only saw the Ambrose/Rollins/Foley promo. It was...not very good. This sure doesn't sound like much of a go home show outside of that either. I've been watching the WWE since 1988. It feels like there are just way less wrestlers than there ever were before which is bad thing, and it feels like the booking is probably at an all time low.


    Ziggler just jobbed on the 4th straight show. I know he's a jobber but wtf. Just get rid of the mid card belts. They are now officially worthless. Its basically a official announcement that you are now a tv match jobber. I would love to why they buried the IC title. I get why vince would want to kill off the US belt, it was a JCP/NWA thing. But the IC belt is a wwwf original. Two guys fighting over a title is a money feud. Or it used to be.


    I honestly wonder if wants the WWE to die when he does. Are they booking this by throwing darts at a wall. Why not job Kane in the last match? Or do a no finish. Ambrose jobs? Wow.


    And Cena vs Orton? Why? What is happening? This is terrible. Not to mention we're stuck with dog shit Reigns getting his big run...puke. I really want to watch a weekly professional show. I really really do. My only options are IMPACT! and this fucking show. I do still kinda watch smackdown because at least its just matches and in ring promos but its the B-show and I have to still see recaps from Raw.

    ReplyDelete
  83. If I could ask HHH and Vince one question and get a totally honest answer I think today I would want to know what the fuck there deal is with the IC belt? Why in the world would you go out of your way to destroy something that made the show more interesting and was a wwf original?

    ReplyDelete
  84. I like in the UK. We don't officially have the Network here either and I've been subscribed to it since it started. All you need is PayPal, Hola Better Internet and maybe Unblock_US if you want to watch through something like a PS3.

    ReplyDelete
  85. TJ: Watching WM23 on the network right now and I've got to say, Faith No More Guy and Vladimir get all the love but how come no one ever mentions bald hot pink windbreaker guy with glasses, and his wife neon yellow windbreaker girl?

    ReplyDelete
  86. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 21, 2014 at 12:51 AM

    I love that guy. He's so eccentric. He spends thousands of dollars on front row seats at WrestleMania and then expresses his enthusiasm by clapping politely.

    ReplyDelete
  87. You don't see many golf claps at wrestling shows. He classes it up a little.

    ReplyDelete
  88. "Wrestling if fake, you stupid mark, belts don't matter." - Vince Russo

    ReplyDelete
  89. I finally watched a complete, well almost complete, Raw. And nothing has changed since I left. The exact same booking and formatting they virtually use every single show.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 21, 2014 at 1:31 AM

    Better than Faith No More guy observing with a blank expression.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Sign Guy is the worst and frankly is embarrassing.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Am I seriously the only one who LIKED the HHH v Shawn HIC match and would go **** on it?

    ReplyDelete
  93. One could surprise us based on their Summerslam match, the other won't surprise us.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 21, 2014 at 2:13 AM

    Sign Guy seems like a dick who only cares about getting noticed.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Holy Fuck do never-ending self-indulgent HHH/Shawn matches tend to be shitty. They had one or two great ones, but it seems like the shitty ones outnumber the good ones.

    ReplyDelete
  96. I know right? He's only slightly worse than Daniel Bryan, who thinks the key to a good promo is gradually yelling every word louder and louder.

    ReplyDelete
  97. This is the second or third week in a row that the Usos didn't get their complete entrance (the war chant has been getting cut out). Coincidentally (or not), on a recent episode of Total Divas, Naomi and the Uso she's married to were talking about how each of their teams have been doing the same ol', same ol' entrance every night for a long time. Since that talk, the Funkadactyls have broken up and the Usos have tweaked their entrance.

    ReplyDelete
  98. I think WWE creative actually does view the mid-card belt as a big deal -- such a big deal that the champion can do a lot of jobs without losing their heat, and such a big deal that the champion can get other guys over by losing non-title matches to them. It's a bad logic, but I think that's what they think.

    ReplyDelete
  99. During the MNF pregame show, I heard somebody going on a tangent about Brandon Marshall but I couldn't see the screen. With the words he was using and the cadence, I thought it was Ray Lewis. I finally get to see the TV and it was Tom Jackson. I don't know if that's an insult to Jackson that he's starting to sound like Ray Lewis, or a compliment to Ray that he's starting to sound more like Tom Jackson.

    ReplyDelete
  100. That whole bit with Edge as the cameraman was just so brilliant. I'd kill to see a creative angle like that again.

    ReplyDelete
  101. I was watching Capital Punishment 1998 on the Network tonight, and it's CRAZY how over most of the roster was. They were in England so you've got that element of an appreciative crowd, but still. I mean, the crowd seemed to shake the building when Sable won her match. Austin, Rock, Undertaker ... D-X was just ridiculously over. So different from today.

    ReplyDelete
  102. At least Orton wore a suit tonight. He looked out of place every week with HHH, Kane and Rollins wearing suits and he's wearing a t-shirt and panties.

    ReplyDelete
  103. I watched their RR 04 bout the other day, and good Christ that match is dreadful (excellent blading aside).

    ReplyDelete
  104. Indeed. It's always weird watching Orton matches against HHH et al - the ingredients for a great match are all there, but it always ends up being the shits.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Wow, that's something you need to rectify stat...

    ReplyDelete
  106. Brock/Undertaker is so great. A bloody war. What Hell in a Cell was all about. Just retire it. It doesn't work in a PG setting. They hype this legacy of violence but they can't deliver it.

    But what a legacy. Some brutal matches inside the devil's duplex or whatever cute nickname they have for it now.

    ReplyDelete
  107. I think because they were supposed to respect the idea that you couldn't get out of the cage. It was meant to be the whole point of a cage. :)

    ReplyDelete
  108. God, you know current crowds probably would have killed that gimmick out of the gate by loudly chanting ISAAC YANKEM at Kane every time he came out.

    ReplyDelete
  109. MikeyMike, WitnessOctober 21, 2014 at 4:44 AM

    I had a good time watching this Raw. Went by quickly for me and I'm a fan that they're turning Orton face. Dean is allowed to lose a match. It wasn't the decision I would have gone with it as long as he wins in the Cell on Sunday I'm good.

    ReplyDelete
  110. No they fucking did not.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Orton has good chemistry with Bryan i think. They have had some great matches.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Woke up feeling super fresh today! I might start missing Raw more often

    ReplyDelete
  113. The taped, DVD-exclusive segment after the Batista/HHH match is pretty awesome. It seemed to plant seeds for a HHH face turn when he returned 3 months later, but obviously their plans changed.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Shawn from about '94 till his first retirement in '98 had arguably the greatest four year stretch ever as far as number and quality of matches (there are Flair and Bret counterpoints, naturally). Also worth your time from that run are both his ladder matches with Razor, his Cell match with Taker, his King of the Ring match with Austin, his IYH '96 match with Diesel, and his title defense against Bulldog, to name but a few. I'm also a big fan of his Iron Man Match vs. Bret, but lots of people hate that one, so your mileage may vary.

    ReplyDelete
  115. lol @ NetCop-era Scott for that.

    ReplyDelete
  116. They had a good one on Raw but I didn't like their PPV matches at all.

    ReplyDelete
  117. PG is NOT the problem as far as HIAC is concerned. The problem is that WWE just rolls out HIAC out at the same time every year to sell PPVs on the gimmick alone, with no concern given to whatever the story dictates. Look at the top two matches this year on buildup alone: Rollins/Ambrose? Totally justified to be in the Cell, especially after last night's tremendous segment with Mick Foley. Cena/Orton? The antithesis of justified.

    EVERY single big gimmick match that gets a PPV title with MAYBE the exception of MITB needs to be put into the bank and rolled out ONLY when there's a feud or a storyline that calls for it.

    ReplyDelete
  118. But didn't they use blood during the Lesnar vs Cena matches or so? I don't know why they did water down the HIAC matches, when they use a lot of violence in other street fights.

    ReplyDelete
  119. the Havoc 91 Chamber match set the industry standard for wasted star power


    it was brought up once on that panel show they do, and Dusty cracking jokes about how bad it sucked... best part was the random masked jobber that showed up from the caskets to be randomly beat on

    ReplyDelete
  120. "This match was excruciatingly boring... ***"

    What?

    ReplyDelete
  121. That was a very effective finish as it also gave 'Taker a logical reason to move on from the Shawn feud.

    ReplyDelete
  122. All true, altho I have a soft spot for Chamber of Horrors myself

    ReplyDelete
  123. HHH is a disconsolate, bloody mess in his locker room while Ric Flair gives him a pep talk. Batista comes in, and they shake hands, hug, and HHH says, "Now THAT'S Evolution."

    ReplyDelete
  124. Yeah, that is pretty fantastic.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Am i the only guy who has never enjoyed Undertaker in a match? In my mind he has only ever served as a guy who matters for the entertainment portion of sports - entertainment and to create the big timeline moments that are replayed or have their snapshots displayed year after year. I mean how much does he actually pull of in the ring that excites anyone who isn't just cheering because they get to see something they've seen hundreds of times, in person instead of the screen.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Crikey Mate Down Under AussieOctober 21, 2014 at 10:59 PM

    Is WWF Shawn better than WWE Shawn???

    ReplyDelete
  127. There's some legitimate debate about that. He's more athletic, but not quite the storyteller (still really, really good though). That's the crazy thing about Shawn, is that he basically had two totally separate HoF-level careers working two different styles, with a four-and-a-half year injury retirement in between.

    ReplyDelete

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