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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–10.02.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 10.02.95

I really like this three-a-week pace. That’s the speed they should have been adding them at all along.

Ad roulette: Nothing tonight, not even a WWE Network logo.

Taped from Grand Rapids, MI

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Razor Ramon v. 1-2-3 Kid

The Kid’s slow heel turn continues rolling along. Kid evades Ramon and throws kicks in the corner, but walks into a blockbuster slam that gets two. Kid with an enzuigiri for two, but Ramon dumps him while Dean Douglas takes notes. New HD technology reveals that the note says “Get a certified check from Paul Heyman.” Ramon makes a comeback while I’m trying to think up that joke and pins the Kid with a lariat out of nowhere at 2:55. However, the Kid hasn’t had enough yet, so Ramon continues throwing him around and puts him in an abdominal stretch and slaps him around like an old-timey wrestling policeman or something. We take a break and return with Ramon still beating on him, having apparently pinned him a second time during the commercial. Ramon with a superplex and pins him a third time with a small package at 8:20 to finally end it. This finally is enough for Kid to admit defeat, although he then tries a schoolboy on Ramon and only gets two. But hey, now they’re OK! Not really a match, just kind of an extended angle.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley v. Barry Horowitz

So in 1994, this happened:

 

Nice accent, Paul.

 

The announcers talk up Hunter’s undefeated streak, as even back in 1995 you couldn’t get the guy to job. Also, apparently last week’s RAW was the highest rated ever, showing early on how the Monday Night Wars were actually helping both shows before Vince stopped giving a shit for about two years. Hunter pounds away in the corner and bows a lot, but Barry comes back with a sunset flip for two. Hunter stomps him down and chokes away, but Barry comes back again and gets an abdominal stretch into a rollup for two. He fires away with forearms, but puts his head down and it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE at 5:32. Barry was in a nice place where he wasn’t winning matches, but wasn’t so much of a jobber and could get fans into the matches by making his comebacks believable. **

PG-13 v. Sonny Rogers & Al Brown

I literally do not remember this happening. They’re named as the USWA tag champions by Vince and everything! Nice legsweep and dropkick double-team on Rogers and a bad Hart Attack follows as they do an inset promo about the Smoking Gunns. The other jobber comes in, but misses a charge and gets suplexed by Wolfie D. JC Ice distracts the ref while Wolfie bulldogs Brown off the top for two. Wolfie slams Ice onto Brown to finish at 3:50. Pretty good squash for the Memphis guys, although the gimmick was actually a little too far ahead of the curve in the WWF. Did this lead to anything? I seriously don’t even remember them being around before 97 with the Nation.

Jean-Pierre Lafitte v. Bret Hart

Lafitte attacks in the corner and puts Bret down with a clothesline, but they fight to the floor and Bret runs him into the stairs. Back in, Bret with a clothesline off the middle rope for two. Lafitte controls with a chinlock and reverses a hiptoss into a lariat, then follows with a flying headbutt for two. Lafitte pounds away, but Bret catches him with a small package for two, only to get clotheslined down again while we take a break. Back with Lafitte dropping a leg for two. Backdrop suplex and Lafitte goes up, but misses a flying legdrop. He keeps coming with a flying forearm for two and they brawl to the floor, where Bret gets run into the stairs in dramatic fashion. Lawler thinks that’s just terrific. Back in, Bret reverses a suplex and comes back with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM, but Pierre puts him down with a Regal roll for two. They slug it out and Pierre cuts him off again with a backdrop suplex to set up the Cannonball, but Bret was FAKING and brings him down with a superplex before finishing with the Sharpshooter at 14:01. And unless I’m mistaken, that was about it for the pirate. ***3/4 Jerry Lawler yelling and screaming with horror at Bret’s comebacks is the kind of character touch and passion that’s sorely lacking from today’s mechanically produced product. Finally Bret has had enough of Lawler’s bullshit and attacks him, but Big Daddy Dentist lays Bret out to set up a cage match “in several weeks on RAW” according to Vince.

Next week: Undertaker, Shawn & Diesel v. Yokozuna, Owen Hart & British Bulldog! That’s where Mabel breaks Undertaker’s face, isn’t it?

Comments

  1. Shit, wait, forgot a joke, STOP THE RANT.


    Of course, today if PG-13 debuted on RAW, they'd just be PG.


    OK, carry on.

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  2. "Jerry Lawler yelling and screaming with horror at Bret’s comebacks is the kind of character touch and passion that’s sorely lacking from today’s mechanically produced product."

    JBL actually showed great fire talking up the NXT Raw match a month or two ago. So he can actually be productive when he wants.

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  3. So we went through the taped phase of your rants and I see now we are in the live era and now you're doing overruns.

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  4. That's a pretty stacked six man for next week.

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  5. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 23, 2014 at 11:13 PM

    Call them whatever you want, not even TNA would hire those skinny white trash crackhead wankers today..

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  6. Virgil's Gimmick TableOctober 23, 2014 at 11:35 PM

    Lets not kid ourselves. Yes they would.

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  7. Adam "Colorado" CurryOctober 23, 2014 at 11:45 PM

    Like Wolfie D and J.C. Ice would ever has a chance in hell of passing a wellness test. , never mind those two were about 250 combined soaking wet.

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  8. SSW Superstar Wolfie D!

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  9. I vaguely remember PG-13 making an appearance around this time. Might be this one. I just knew of them from the Apter magazines.

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  10. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontOctober 24, 2014 at 12:31 AM

    Yeah, it seems like everybody in that show is poised to get superpowers which is cool. Caitlin will become Killer Frost, her fiancée who "died" is going to be Firestorm. Her partner in the lab will become Vibe. Not sure who their boss will end up being, maybe Barry from the future, maybe Booster. And the cop who is partners with Barry's adoptive father/screwing Barry's crush will become Reverse Flash. Really like how they are building this all up like they did in Arrow.

    By the way Scott, if you like The Flash you really should check out Arrow. It does many of the same things Flash does and after like the first half of season one it really finds its groove. By season 2 it's a great show. Also I'm guessing they are going to do big crossover event type episodes. I'm hoping Flash is successfull so they keep making these shows where they share a universe.

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  11. Didn't one of them get fat and start a gothic gimmick? Could have sworn James Mitchell managed one of them during the Fox Sports years.

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  12. PG-13 had a match with the Gunns but it was late in the taping so the crowd was dead and the Gunns made a point to look bored most of the match... so it didn't go well as a tryout

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  13. "although the gimmick was actually a little too far ahead of the curve in the WWF"


    it was still too far ahead of the curve in spring 98 when Too Cool did it... except they got over by cutting promos completely in slang ... so Vince missed the point again and turned them into dancing jobbers

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  14. Man, if we watched Razor squash the Kid 3 times in 8 minutes, we'd all collectively lose our shit at how poorly they were turning Kid heel today, right? Safe to say Heel Kid isn't going to be much of a threat to anyone!

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  15. God, I can just imagine JBL during this angle. "He should be allowed to take people's jackets Michael, why not?" Just dumbly defending whatever the heel does without thinking.

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  16. I listened to this. It sucked. You Got a few new listeners though so good job I guess?

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  17. At least one of them wrestled for TNA so yeah you're wrong.

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  18. Pretty sure anyone that brought up this interview to HHH would be fired on the spot.

    Bret was way past this company, but WCW wasn't an option either. No wonder he quit for a while

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  19. I think this is the interview he referred to when he was on Jericho's podcast.

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  20. Oh, I didn't hear it. What he say?

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  21. Heel Kid *wasn't* much of a threat to anyone.

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  22. He said Gordon was hammered drunk and nearly unable to stand. Hunter then said someone(wish I could remember because it's hilarious) said that if Solie started to stumble to just clothesline him and get heat. He also said it was a terrible promo.

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  23. Now that I think about it, I believe Mike Graham was the one who said it. Highly recommend listening to the podcast. Interesting as hell and breezes by.

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  24. that is hilarious. Never would have thought Solie of all people would be so unprofessional.

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  25. Flash is amazingly awesome. I watched he pilot and when it shows him and Green Arrow meeting up all I could think to myself is ... "Why can't ALL of D.C's movies be this cool?" Seriously. How do they do t.v. so right and movies SO WRONG?

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  26. Thanks for giving it a shot. Sorry it wasn't your thing.

    ReplyDelete

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