All systems are operating within normal design parameters. THIS is WCW Saturday Night!
TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES are your hosts. Tony hopes to have a Sting update later tonight. My guess? Drying his tears.
BILLY KIDMAN vs. JEFF JARRETT
How am I going to survive the next 12 months of Jeff Jarrett wrestling 2-3 times a week? No good can come from this. Kidman misses a dropkick, and Jarrett points to his head cuz he’s just that smart. A hotshot flattens Kidman, and a slingshot suplex gives Jarrett complete control. Bossman straddle chokes out Kidman, and Jarrett’s struttin’. A dropkick is on point, but he spends too long flexing so Kidman comes back with some punches. Jarrett stops that fast, and puts Kidman up top for a superplex. Figure four finishes at 3:13. *1/2
TONY SCHIAVONE talks with Jarrett backstage, and thinks he’s made quite a statement so far. He saw what happened to Flair on Nitro, and he wants the Giant at Halloween Havoc to make a real statement. Tony promises an answer on Monday. Can I just zip ahead to the fall of 1997 when he’s gone again?
DISCO INFERNO vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Disco says he’s been on the Shake Your Booty tour, but now he’s back, and he just wants to dance. Production refuses to play his music, bringing out Guerrero instead, frustrating Disco. Eddie snaps off a rana, and follows with the Frankensteiner, but doesn’t hook the legs. A tornado DDT out of the corner gets 2. Disco comes back with a swinging neckbreaker, and we dance! Up come the pants, exposing Disco’s knee … but he misses a kneedrop off the second rope. Guerrero finishes quickly with a Frog splash at 1:57. 1/2*
In the back, TONY SCHIAVONE wants to know what Eddie thinks about DDP. Eddie promises not to yell and be obnoxious like DDP, of course while he’s yelling the entire time. He vows to come at Page full bore. I find 1996 Eddie to be a full bore.
RON STUDD vs. JACK BOOT
I don’t like that Fit Finlay’s disappearance coincided with his music being shoplifted by Ron Studd. Not one bit. What I do like? It shouldn’t surprise you at all:
Of course, Boot is just a repackaged Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker, AKA Braun The Leprechaun. Sorry Dr. Unlikely, it’s the end of an era (except on the syndicated shows). Boot is given a double arm chokeslam, and gets pounded in the corner. A whip to the corner kills old Jack, and a standing vertical suplex gets the win at 1:46. I hate Dungeon of Doom on Dungeon of Doom violence. DUD
PRINCE IAUKEA vs. HUGH MORRUS
Iaukea’s pre-match posing is not unlike Glacier, but he doesn’t cheat with blue lights and mountains of snow. Which he might want to consider, because he’s AWFUL. NICK PATRICK referees with his neck brace. Iaukea tries a schoolboy, but it gets 1. Morrus pops up and clotheslines Iaukea’s head off. It is literally rolling around in the front row of fans, tossing it around like a loose beach ball, it’s unprecedented! Without a head, Iaukea is basically a carcass for Hugh to do with it what he will. And do it, he does, with a spinning heel kick. Two instances of the No Laughing Matter put Iaukea to rest at 2:27. 1/2*
Meanwhile, RANDY SAVAGE is dressed up like Frankenstein. He’s claiming it’s the set of Halloween Havoc, but don’t kid yourself, it’s the Dungeon of Doom with a Slim Jim sign hung up. If he opened the purple door behind him, you know Meng would come barrelling out ready to fight. Does this mean Savage has joined forced with Kevin Sullivan? How do Konan and Konnan feel about this? RIC FLAIR appears as part of a dream to pimp the chance to win a prize package involving the crappy WCW racing team and Halloween Havoc. I’m pretty sure I don’t do drugs, but I’m having a hard time believing I DIDN’T imagine this happened.
VK WALLSTREET vs. JIM DUGGAN
This match actually gets a video package because these guys have fought about 48,200 times, and that’s just in the last year on Prime! NICK PATRICK referees once more, and he sure seems to be around Wallstreet a lot. Secret alliance with the nWo, or just mere co-incidence? Patrick searches Duggan and finds a roll of tape in his pants. No shocker there. Wallstreet attacks during the strip search, and gets in a few cheap shots before the bell. Duggan responds with a series of clotheslines, and little else because he’s developmentally challenged. Wallstreet heads outside, and gives Duggan a neckbreaker across the top rope. Back in, Wallstreet pounds away. Duggan comes back, and loads the boot, which serves him well when he immediately goes back to the punching. Wallstreet gets knocked into Patrick, and Duggan whips out a second roll of tape and scores the easy pin at 2:32. However, Patrick spies the tape after the fact, and reverses his decision. Duggan grabs his 2x4 and chases Patrick away.
TONY SCHIAVONE rushes in to get a word with Patrick. Tony wants to know why Patrick has changed his attitude in recent history. Nick says anyone’s attitude would change if they had faced the type of accusations he had over the last few months. He’s tired of hearing WCW complain about the nWo, and then promptly doing nothing. All they do is resort to name calling. Then he warns the wrestlers not to put their hands on him again, or else.
STEVE ARMSTRONG vs. CHRIS JERICHO
This is a busy card; we’re only half way done and on our 6th match of the night already. Jericho does his usual wiener pandering to the crowd by the guardrail, and is pretty much insufferable. Spinning heel kick gets us started, and Armstrong rolls to the safety of the floor. Jericho catches him on the apron with a springboard bulldog, and then leaps onto the guardrail to high five fans in the front row. Back in, Armstrong takes him down with an armbar. Jericho is greatly familiar with the move, and manages to fight loose. A front suplex drops Jericho, and Armstrong stops to do Superman poses. Dusty points out that he hasn’t won a match in over a year, so maybe it’s best he not do that. He locks on a pretty vicious abdominal stretch, with Jericho’s head under his leg. Jericho hiptosses loose, and drops Armstrong with some Sweet Chin Music. Springboard crossbody sees Armstrong roll through and grabs a close 2. Dusty: “Wow, he’d have to give some ID at the pay windah if he’d won there, he ain’t been there in so long.” Jericho comes back with a Fisherman’s buster, and hits the Lionsault for the pin at 4:22. **
ROUGH & READY vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri and Colonel Robert Parker) (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
For the love of GOD, make this STOP. I just bitched up a storm about this pairing on Prime, and here we are again? We get the point, Rough & Ready used to be managed by Colonel Parker, now they’re not, and Harlem Heat tees off on them constantly. Rough & Ready are never going to beat them, can’t we leave well enough alone? By the way, what the heck happened to “no more tag-team title matches” between now and Halloween Havoc? That lasted ONE WEEK. Enos gives Booker a hot shot, then runs him over with a shoulderblock. At this point, Booker remembers Enos is a jobber, and kills him with a Harlem sidekick. Stevie powerslams him, which unfortunately makes up his entire moveset, so he’s left now to take a beating. Slater works him over in the heel corner for awhile, before Stevie punches his way out. Over to Booker to sell for the losers for a bit. They use all sorts of bush league double team efforts, and eventually it all breaks down. The Colonel jumps in, and accidentally hits Booker with the cane! Thankfully, Sherri’s right behind with her own cane, and beats the snot out of Slater and Stevie gets the win at 3:45. * Booker’s not happy about getting hit with the cane, and Colonel spends awhile defending himself. This probably means he’s defecting to the nWo at Halloween Havoc because WCW.
TONY SCHIAVONE wants to play mediator to this dysfunctional group. Booker says he’s sick and tired of the Colonel, but he does NOT call him a nagger. Stevie says he’s really from the streets, unlike the nWo, and are going to prove it in Vegas. It’s on like neckbone.
Filmed elsewhere, the nWo continues their strange invitational tag-team tournament.
THE OUTSIDERS vs. JOE JOE and ROCKET STARBUCK
Joe Joe and Rocket are the Starbuck Twins, and apparently undefeated.
THE GIANT acts as the world’s largest ring announcer; and I’ll say that thus far, amongst the second banana guys in the nWo, his career has benefitted significantly because he’s been allowed to show off all kinds of fantastic charisma that didn’t exist in his grunting stinky wart infested Dungeon of Doom days. He introduces the Starbucks as 14-time seaboard tag-team champions. The referee is a masked man, built and sounding not unlike Nick Patrick. Nash provides commentary from the ring apron, and is absolutely incredible. “Hall with the Pretzel, into the donut hole!” Every time Rocket gets the advantage, the screen gets blurred out. Hall drops a leg, while Nash makes up all kinds of ligaments that move affects. Hall makes a tag, and takes over the mic. The referee, who is clearly not Nick Patrick, asks Rocket if he’s had enough. Hall says the Starbucks are known across the Eastern seaboard, from Madison Square Garden, Albany New York, and even Rhode Island. Joe Joe gets the tag in, and immediately takes snake eyes. Hall clotheslines him from the apron, and celebrates wildly at the announce table. Jackknife hits, and Nash tags in Hall to steal the pinfall 3:45. Nash immediately wants to interview the victors, if they’ll talk to him. They don’t.
SCOTT ARMSTRONG vs. KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart)
I really don’t appreciate that the Armstrongs have been split into singles units, meaning I have to watch them in more matches. Sullivan rushes the ring as usual, and sends Armstrong to the floor for additional hurt. Hart even gets in a couple of shots. Back in, Armstrong hits a standing sidekick, and gets 2. That’s about all he’s getting though, as Sullivan ties him to the tree of woe and hits the running knee. Double stomp in the belly welly finishes at 1:35. DUD
Meanwhile, TONY SCHIAVONE is with ARN ANDERSON and WOMAN. Woman says Liz’s head isn’t in the game anymore, and she’s being fooled. Woman kicks her out of the Horsemen. Arn says that’s no revelation, because if she wants love, she can take it. They only want people who are all business.
NWO STING vs. BUNKHOUSE BUCK
This was hyped as Sting’s big return to WCW, but no shocker, it’s another ruse. NICK PATRICK has his back in this one. I don’t appreciate that nobody is paying attention to the return of Bunkhouse Buck, who has been gone for well over 6 months and lost his tag-team partner to Blake Beverly. Buck gives Sting the big boot for 2, while the fans chant “WE WANT STING!” Buck goes for a legdrop off the second rope, but misses and takes a Stinger Splash. Scorpion Deathlock finishes at 2:03. LEX LUGER rushes the ring, and nWo Sting bails immediately. DUD
JIM POWERS (with Teddy Long) vs. LEX LUGER
The 11th match of the night is our main event, and there’s less than 5 minutes left in the show so don’t expect big things from Jim Powers tonight. Luger starts us with a shoulderblock, and a roar. Powers comes back with a crossbody for 2. With time an issue, ARN ANDERSON hits the ring and it’s a DQ at 1:34. Luger fights him off, and heads to the back to chat with…
TONY SCHIAVONE, who wants to discuss his upcoming match at Havoc. Luger says the Horsemen are crumbling without Flair, his friendship with Sting is broken up (temporarily, he hopes). But, that aside, he’s focused on Anderson, and he’s promising pain. He guarantees Anderson’s going in the Rack. Tony wraps it up fast because we have other programming coming yo! Goodnight!