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BoD RAW

This has nothing to do with the WWE




The GM and what is left of his Administration head down to the ring. He has Assistant GM, Director of Operations and Paper Goods, Justice Gray next to him as his trio of Bill Ray, Average Joe Everyman, and Rockstar Gary head to the ring. The GM grabs the mic as he has something to say:

"I have one thing to say. Archie Stackhouse, at BoD Survivor Series, you get the best four guys form your Covenant. Because myself and the four men behind me are challenging you to a traditional Survivor Series match. And I understand that you are not here tonight since you are President of the Riverdale Canned Food and Turkey Drive but let me tell you this, I am not afraid of you. I never was afraid of you and at BoD Survivor Series, I will destroy you. I will end your reign of terror in the BoD. (Crowd rags on the GM, calling him a "pussy.")

And another thing, at BoD Survivor Series, we will be having a Tag Team Survivor Series match. Here are the competitors: 

Curtzerker & WWF1987 & Bobby & RIPSHIT KILLERS & Paul Meekin & White Thunder & "Happening" Harry Broadhurst & Danimal Crossing

vs. 

Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James & Abeyance & thebraziliankid & Strike Force & The Drivers & Dr. Facts & Onita100"


The Administration leave and go back to the locker room.



BoD Tag Team Tournament Opening Match
The Drivers vs. Curtzerker

The "HUSS" section is in full force tonight, folks. Oddly enough, the Drivers took the bus to the arena tonight. Juvydriver works the arm of Williams but that is quickly reversed. theberzerker tags as the "HUSS" section yells "HUSS." theberzerker starts HUSSING as Spicollidriver now tags into the match. He bounces off of the man from HUSSVILLE as the "HUSS" section is going wild. theberzerker starts hammering away then tags Williams as they continue to beat on Spicolli. Williams tags theberzerker and puts Spicolli in the crossface as theberzerker gets down on the mat and yells "HUSS" into the face of Spicolli as he taps out. Curtzerker is advancing to the next round.


Earlier today we recorded a promo from the Champions team. Here it is:

Matt Perri: (Miss Danielle is mocking the Stranger by spraying a bottle of mist as Perri walks into it while covering his face with a cloak) At BoD Survivor Series, all I have to do is pin 5 jabronis. One of them, Andy PG, thinks he can take away my BoD Writer's Championship. Ha. Andy, I rate your chances roughly 4/10. And that's because I am feeling generous, Jack!

kbjone: Midcard Mafia, you are just that, the midcard. We are in fact the upper midcard. We are above you. It does not make sense to defend our titles against you as you are below are level. You need to go back and jerk the curtain like you belong. 

Petuka: Call the National Guard, Bayless! I got five stiffs who will get hit with a Petuka Bazooka and they might not survive. YOU CAN LAND A FUCKING ZEPPELIN ON THEIR HEADS AND IT STILL WONT LEAVE THEM IN AS MUCH PAIN AS A PETUKA BAZOOKA. (National Guard steps into view of the camera as the mere mention of a Petuka Bazooka has them on standby)

DBSM: The biggest news out of BoD Survivor Series will be the mystery reveal of the 4th member of  my posse. You think Harvey Grant and the guy who played Waldo on "Family Matters" like to not be represented by the musical world? No, they don't. And my only clue is that the 4th member of my posse will be a musician. And at BoD Survivor Series, win or lose, I will get invited to the after party at Nicole Eggert's house. AND I'M GONNA TAP THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hart Killer: The biggest disgrace out of Canada since Teddy Hart was the fact that a New New Zealander snuck in a win against me at BoD Hell in a Cell. But unlucky for Kaptain Kiwi, he will have to beat me again and I never lose twice. Then he can resume the worst year ever when after I beat him, I set fire to Mr. Garea's sacred Kiwi Tree farm. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Biff Kensington III has now come into the ring. He grabs the mic:

"At BoD Survivor Series, I will introduce to you the first member of Kensington Enterprises. With my money and power, Kensington Enterprises will take over the BoD. No one will stand in my way. No one. Not even a heart attack."

Kensington orders a servant to carry him out of the ring.



Hart Killer 09 & "Marvelous" Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle vs. Kaptain Kiwi & Andy PG

A preview of the "Champions vs. Challengers" Survivor Series matchup tonight. After those disparaging remarks against Mr. Garea, Kaptain Kiwi is fuming mad. He is almost moving a face muscle. Perri and Kiwi start off as Perri stalls and huddles with Miss Danielle. Andy begs Perri to get into the ring but he mocks him and starts to laugh. Andy now chases him around and is stopped by Hart Killer but Kaptain Kiwi taps Hart on the shoulder then decks him as he turns around. Kiwi tosses Hart into the guardrail as Andy has caught up to Perri and he also hammers away. Wait a minute, DBSM and the Upper Midcard Express are running down the aisle with their titles and they lay them all out. Petuka looks to put Andy in the Petuka Bazooka but out comes Mikey Mike, Steve Ferrari, and Magoonie as they even up the score. All ten guys are brawling as White Coat Security runs out and settles things down. Oh man, Champions vs. Challengers at BoD Survivors Series is RED HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Beard Money is with granny as the wait in line for some soft-serve ice cream. All of a sudden, Hoss barrels over and slaps the cone out of her hand. "GET YOUR GERIATRIC SELF OUT OF MY ICE CREAM LINE." Beard Money is taking aback and yells and points his finger at Hoss, calling him a "big ol' meanie." Hoss yells back that he will snap granny's neck as White Coat Security intervenes. Looks like these two have not seen the last of each other.


And now, lets check in on how the Job Mob spent their week:

The camera shows the crew at Jobber's house. In the background, Trunk Barlow & Roth Munson are seen doing yardwork. Lets check out what they have to say: 

Jobber: (Lounging in his chair smoking a joint) Hey Murph, were you able to reach Parallax
Murph: (Putting Liquid into balloons) Nah, man. Straight to voicemail. 
Zanatude: Maybe he thinks you are the husband of one of the wives he has fucked
Jobber: (Exhales) Maybe. You know, I am reaching out to him and I have all these whores coming by for him as a token of my appreciation but he still will not come by. And why didnt he attack Jef Vinson a few weeks ago? I don't get it. 
Chartock: Maybe he is sick of handouts or something. Or he could have morals. 
Zanatude: Well, he votes Democrat so he must like handouts, AMIRITE!!!!
Jobber: (No sells the previous joke) No, there is something else. Its Jef Vinson. The GM is right, everything is Jef Vinson's fault. I mean, I thought that Cultstatus was on Fuj's team as the mystery partner. Guess I misread my text message. 
Murph: Yeah, could be right. (Starts chopping up lines on a mirror) Barlow, come over here and roll up that $100 bill we gave you for me to use. (Barlow comes over and rolls up the bill). 
Jobber: Yo, give me that. (Jobber gets the bill and blows a line then puts the bill in his pocket before looking at Barlow) Oh, you want that back? Well, you are not getting it as you misspelled Klay Thompson's name above my hoop. WHO THE FUCK IS CLAY THOMPSON, BARLOW!!!!!!! (The Job Mob start laughing hysterically)
Zanatude: Hey, get Munson to shine my belts. And Jobber, did you get Bayless to make these Six-Man Titles official?
Jobber: I forgot again, man. But don't worry, I will soon. Murph, you got those balloons ready?
Murph: Just tied up the last one. 
Jobber: Good. (Snaps his fingers for Barlow & Munson to head over to him) Take this barrel of balloons and bring it to the top of the building next to the park. We will be up there. 
Murph: Yeah, someone has to throw these on the Equal Rights Protestors.
Job Mob: (In unison) HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



GM Bayless comes out and announces another 5 vs. 5 Survivor Series matchup:

Team Ice Cream: Hoss & PrimeTime Ten & Biscuit! & Dock Muraco & Tommy Hall

vs.

The Good Guys: Beard Money & Joe Dust & Logan Scisco & "Mr. WCW" Chris F-B. & Night81



BoD Tag Team Tournament Opening Round
Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James vs. WWF1987 & Bobby

HA HA HA, GIT DOWN!!!!!! WE GUNNA GIT FUN-KAY UP IN HERE, DAWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWF1987 & Bobby have been interrupting da funk for weeks. Harris and Bobby go at it to start. Harris works the arm then ducks a clothesline and does a jig. HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!! Bobby is pissed and charges but he can't overcome the funk! Lil' James tags and springboards in with a splash that gets two. James grabs a side headlock but Bobby whips him and WWF1987 knees him in the back from the apron. WWF1987 tags and stomps away. He targets the back as James is in trouble. The true shooter of the BoD tags back into the match and he stretches out James as Harris is rallying for his partner to make the tag. James almost gets put away with a Demolition Decapatation but Harris makes the save. The ref orders Harris back as Bobby chokes out James with his bullrope. He is channeling Jimmy Jack Funk there. James gets whipped against the ropes but comes back with a baseball slide and connects with an enziguiri as both men are down. The crowd rallies behind James as WWF1987 tries to grab his leg but he escapes and crawls under the legs of Bobby to make the tag to Harris. ITS A FUNKPLOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Harris hits all sorts of bionic elbows and slams. WWF1987 charges and he gets backdropped to the floor. Harris slugs away and picks up Bobby and slams him down. Tag to James and he climbs up top and hits a senton. Harris then bounces off of the ropes and drops an elbow and makes the cover as James dives outside onto WWF1987 and Harris gets the win!!!! HA HA HA, THEY ARE ASKING GRANNY TO GIT INTO THE RING!!!!!!!! GIT DOWN!!!!! GIT DOWN GRANDMA!!!!!! DANCE, GRANNY, DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Backstage, Bayless addresses Bill Ray. He tells him that he is the future of the Administration and at BoD Survivor Series, he will be the one to end the reign of Archie Stackhouse. He will be the one who gets fast-tracked as a singles star. He is the one who will also regain the pet rock that belongs to me. Ray realizes now that he is the chosen one of the authority.



Parallax vs. Cabspaintedyellow

Parallax shows up and looks over at Cabs. He is still angry over Jobber telling him that Cultstatus was on Fuj's team as that was why he signed up with the Job Mob for BoD Survivor Series. Parallax looks over at Cabs and gets stared at right back. They then start trading blows as Parallax gets the upper hand. Parallax takes out his frustrations on the youngster. He tosses Cabs to the floor and sends him head-first into the guardrail. He wails on Cabs then rolls him back inside. Cabs protects himself as Parallax is throwing haymakers. Parallax is livid! He sends Cabs into the corner then starts choking him out as Kyle Warne runs out to make the save as Cabs is just about defenseless. Parallax swings at Warne and tosses him aside but Curry runs out and attacks Parallax from behind. He tries to pin him down as now the Job Mob runs out. They protect Parallax as they take care of Warne, Cabs, and Curry. Now, Jef Vinson and the Fuj run out and they take care of the Job Mob. Vinson knocks around Chartock and Zanatude. He swings at Jobber, who ducks, and ends up taking out Parallax! After picking himself up, Parallax gets up and goes right after Vinson! They are trading shots as the Job Mob has been run off. Coming out to the ring now is Cultstatus and he is not medically cleared but he clips Parallax then picks him up and hits him with the jackknife powerbomb. Parallax is laid out as the show goes off the air! TUNE INTO BoD SURVIVOR SERIES AT 6:35pm EST on SUNDAY TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT



BoD Survivor Series

Jobber & Parallax & Job Mob vs. Fuj & Jef Vinson & Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & Cabs

Champions: DBSM & Matt Perri & Hart Killer & Upper Midcard Express vs. Challengers: Mikey Mike & Andy PG & Kaptain Kiwi & Midcard Mafia

GM Bayless & Administration vs. Archie Stackhouse & The Riverdale Covenant

Team Ice Cream: Hoss & PrimeTime Ten & Biscuit & Dock Muraco & Tommy Hall vs. The Good Guys: Beard Money & Joe Dust & Logan Scisco & "Mr. WCW" Chris F-B & Night81

Curtzerker & WWF1987 & Bobby & RIPSHIT KILLERS & Paul Meekin & White Thunder & "Happening" Harry Broadhurst & Danimal Crossing vs. Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James & Abeyance & thebraziliankid & Strike Force & The Drivers & Dr. Facts & Onita100"

Comments

  1. Sweet! I'm on a survivor series team!

    Looks like an awesome card.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're just on the wrong team. My team may say ice cream, but YOU will be the ones doing the screaming.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'll bring the sprinkles...BITCH.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Theberzerker! HUSS!November 17, 2014 at 9:27 PM

    It's the HUSSing that makes 'em submit. Sometimes I can barely stand it myself.


    Better reinforce that ring for all the humanity in that tag Survivor match.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Theberzerker! HUSS!November 17, 2014 at 9:31 PM

    Team HHH: Huss, Hoss, Hart.


    COME ON THIS SHIT WRITES ITSELF.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Huss, Hoss, Hart, Harry

    ReplyDelete
  7. Theberzerker! HUSS!November 17, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    Ahhh, HHH 2002...nice.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Theberzerker! HUSS!November 17, 2014 at 9:36 PM

    HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
    SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
    SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    ReplyDelete
  9. [Zanatude stands with an action figure. It has three BoD Six Man Championships around its waist, and one BoD Ten Man Championship around each calve, flexed bicep, and neck.]

    Z: Coming next month, the new action figure for Mattel's favorite BoD Superstar...Zanatude!

    [Fade out]

    ReplyDelete
  10. huss
    Huss
    HUSS
    HUSS!
    HUSS!!
    HUSS!!!
    HUSS!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Let me just say that it's an honor to team with my fellow Upper Midwesterner on Team Ice Cream. While normally a gelato man, I'll make this exception.

    Night81 is the man who has my attention on Team #2. His shenanigans have been a distraction from my goal of C List title glory. It will be a pleasure to airplane spin him back to Toronto with pain that will re-retire Edge.

    More importantly, this begins what I'm calling the March to Target. My hometown of Minneapolis will host BOD Raw December 22, and Minnesota's Finest is ready for a homecoming befitting a classic wrestling hero.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonNovember 17, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    BoD Exclusive

    *Jef VInson chases Parallax down the hallway*

    Vinson: "HOLD UP!! Chill for a second!"
    Parallax: Get the *BEEP* away from me!"
    VInson: "It was an accident. I didn't want to hit you."
    Parallax: "Well I meant to hit YOU."
    Vinson: "Why are we taking this there? This ain't the time or place for this."
    Parallax: "Well bitch, let's MAKE it the time and place."

    *Parallax steps in Vinson's face....but his valet separates them*

    Vinson: "You know what? I'll make you a deal. Let's ride this out until after the PPV. Then on the following RAW...we'll MAKE time."
    Parallax: "Deal"

    *Vinson goes to shake hands, Parallax pisses on shoes."

    Vinson: "Dude, seriously...do you have a bladder problem? Is that why you're so angry?"

    Parallax: "........."
    Vinson: "Come on, let's talk business."


    *All 3 go into the Top 3 Lounge*

    ReplyDelete
  13. You know, it's funny.

    I am in this to show I belong as the Writers' Champion. I saw Stranger as my brother in arms, and Matt Perri broke it. Now he's out with an injury, and I'm here to take up the fight. The Writers' Title I've chased? Yeah, if I have to take it from you, Matt, I will.

    But this isn't just one on one anymore. Petuka, you've got my attention. You and KB and your scorched earth... and then when the time comes, you run and hide. You're cowards. And you've gotten my attention. Hey, maybe when Stranger comes back, we'll have new Tag Team Champions. Can't wait.

    Now I ain't into the B or C guys yet -- if they wanna make me an issue, they know where to find me. But at Survivor Series, it's 5 men against 5 hungry wolves. Mikey, Piers, Magoonie, Kiwi... our orders are clear. Let's start a revolution and make the champions wish they'd never met us. When we're done -- no survivors.

    ReplyDelete
  14. (We're in a darkened gym. The members of the Riverdale Covenant are in mid-workout; Hot Dog on the speed bag, Reggie on the heavy, Moose jumping rope. Nebb is nowhere to be seen. Archie surveys the members with a watchful eye, then turns to the camera.)


    "There is a phrase that you may be familiar with - 'When you come at the king, you best not miss.' It gained prominence through a television program, but Uncle Caliber found it most instructive for life itself. 'Archie', he would say, 'you will be the vessel of my truth, but the world will try to defeat my message. Bide your time, use your patience, but always remember - when you decide the time is right to take your shot, don't miss.'


    At this point, Uncle Caliber would show me the picture of GM Bayless that he kept in his wallet, dog-eared but with one word written across it.


    Revenge."


    (Archie gets up and rubs the shoulders of Hot Dog as he blisters the speed bag with his fists.)


    "When I came to the BOD, I found you, GM Bayless. I said the right things, I played the supplicant, I danced your little dance.


    I bided my time.


    Now, you step into the ring with me, and you bring along the lackeys you think will protect you. You bring along those you can buy, rather than those whose loyalty you earned by being a man, GM Bayless. I would have thought you had learned that no amount of money can buy my destruction, GM Bayless. No amount of coin can buy the loyalty you see here in my Covenant."


    (Archie goes over to Reggie and nods. Reggie backs off the bag.)


    "GM Bayless, our long waltz around this dance floor is about to come to a close."


    (WHAP! Archie strikes the bag.)


    "After Sunday, GM Bayless, our story takes on a new chapter."


    (WHAP!)


    "You may bring your hired soldiers, but once it comes down to you and me...."


    (WHAP!)


    "....nothing saves you anymore."


    (WHAP! Oh, he hit Reggie with that one! Reggie goes down! Archie looks. Archie shrugs.)


    "Whoops.


    I'm just so EAGER!


    Now then....Bill Ray.


    Bill Ray, you are of a different stock than most of GM Bayless' lackeys. Last week, you proved yourself as the measure of a true man. You took your deserved beating with pride, with courage.


    Let me save you from GM Bayless, Bill Ray. Don't fall for his lies. As of Sunday, he won't be in a position to 'help' you at all - he won't even be in a position to eat solid foods. I can bring you to the light of Riverdale, Bill Ray. I can give you everything your heart desires; I am the prophet that you truly need. I can take you from underneath the thumb of this despot and give you all you need.


    Join the Riverdale Covenant, Bill Ray.


    Become one of us."


    (Archie holds up a Riverdale letterman's jacket with 'Bill Ray' stitched into the breast.)


    "Or stand with GM Bayless and charge towards his windmills by believing his lies.


    The choice is yours."


    (There's a clamor in the gym - it's Nebb! He's accompanied by a large, athletic looking guy in a wrestling singlet.)


    "Hey, I was told there was a few guys here that wanted to practice some holds? This dude said there would be some payment.....


    (His voice trails off as the rest of the Riverdale Covenant has surrounded him. Archie laughs, ruffles the hair of Nebb, and hands him the pet rock.)


    "GM Bayless, I told you earlier - when one comes at the king, he better not miss.


    Now, the question you need to ponder is this - who is the king in my little scenario, GM Bayless?"


    (Archie reaches onto the floor and picks up Jughead, stroking it with his hands. He walks over to the surrounded wrestler, who is swallowing heavily. Archie raises Jughead and addresses him.)


    "Hello my new friend!


    Welcome to Hell. Welcome....to Riverdale."


    (Archie brings down Jughead! SNAP CUT TO BLACK.)

    ReplyDelete
  15. [Standing high above the BoD Arena, in the rafters, not finding any of this amusing, Laughing Sting watches the festivities in a rather foul mood.]


    The man fought with honor. The man took great pride in his work. He was sent to us from good God above to be an example....a TEMPLATE, if you will. To have all of his hard work flushed down the toilet by someone not even worthy enough to be called.....human.


    [He pulls out a fun pack size of Honey Comb cereal from his trenchcoat pocket, takes out one solitary bite, and holds it up to the light, examining it carefully.]


    The holes.....they represent gaps in society. Metaphorical gaps between people. Gaps that need to be filled with the essence of a man we can all admire and respect; but there is no such man anymore. He's gone. His essence, his seed, needs to be planted in these holes in the honeycomb of life. How do you bring back a man, who seemingly does not want to be found?


    [Laughing Sting eats the single piece of Honeycomb cereal]


    You find him, and you become one with him. Only then can those gaps be filled; and when, not if, he comes back, the template can begin anew.


    L................O................L (echo)

    ReplyDelete
  16. HUSSle
    loyalty
    respect

    ReplyDelete
  17. Basic HUSSanomics

    ReplyDelete
  18. In all seriousness, this has been kicking the ass of actual RAW for its entirety. I give way more of a shit about this than the product, and that's not just the belt and house building with Bronson Pinchot talking.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Extant1979 - Mr. Cable AccessNovember 18, 2014 at 5:42 AM

    I'm telling you right now, by the end of the year, not only will I be one half of the tag team champions of the blog, but I'll be competing for a singles title, proving that I am the MOST MUST SEE poster on SCOTT KEITH's Blog of Doom.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Extant1979 - Mr. Cable AccessNovember 18, 2014 at 5:45 AM

    You forgot somebody, kid. You somehow forgot that one of your partners is the MOST MUST SEE poster on this here Blog of Doom. And when hands are raised in victory, mine is going to be one of them. Trust me when I say that.


    Don't make the same mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Fucking A.. Got booked.. Gyeah.. Feeling all Scott Casey widdit, walking around my living room in a sweatshirt and boxers..

    ReplyDelete
  22. (Bill Ray, Rockstar Gary, and Average Joe Everyman are sitting around their table backstage; Gary and Joe are drinking beer, and Bill has a glass of whiskey. He turns to face the camera, as Joe and Gary continue to play poker.)
    "Hello, Archie. As you can see, we are holding our traditional post-RAW poker game, and as usual, it's a back and forth contest. Thanksgiving is coming up soon, and for me, it's a time for giving back. I give back to my community in Detroit, I give back to my family and those I care about, and at Survivor Series...I look forward to giving back to you. All the pain you've caused, all the suffering you leave in your wake, all the lives you've shattered; with every blow I land, with every bone I break, I will strike for them, and I will have vengeance. Oh, and as for you being the king(Bill flips over his poker hand, to reveal three kings); At Survivior Series, a new king will be crowned.
    (Bill grins and lifts his whiskey glass, before taking a drink.)
    "Cheers."
    (The camera cuts out)

    ReplyDelete

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