This has nothing to do with the WWE
The GM and what is left of his Administration head down to the ring. He has Assistant GM, Director of Operations and Paper Goods, Justice Gray next to him as his trio of Bill Ray, Average Joe Everyman, and Rockstar Gary head to the ring. The GM grabs the mic as he has something to say:
"I have one thing to say. Archie Stackhouse, at BoD Survivor Series, you get the best four guys form your Covenant. Because myself and the four men behind me are challenging you to a traditional Survivor Series match. And I understand that you are not here tonight since you are President of the Riverdale Canned Food and Turkey Drive but let me tell you this, I am not afraid of you. I never was afraid of you and at BoD Survivor Series, I will destroy you. I will end your reign of terror in the BoD. (Crowd rags on the GM, calling him a "pussy.")
And another thing, at BoD Survivor Series, we will be having a Tag Team Survivor Series match. Here are the competitors:
Curtzerker & WWF1987 & Bobby & RIPSHIT KILLERS & Paul Meekin & White Thunder & "Happening" Harry Broadhurst & Danimal Crossing
Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James & Abeyance & thebraziliankid & Strike Force & The Drivers & Dr. Facts & Onita100"
The Administration leave and go back to the locker room.
BoD Tag Team Tournament Opening Match
The Drivers vs. Curtzerker
The "HUSS" section is in full force tonight, folks. Oddly enough, the Drivers took the bus to the arena tonight. Juvydriver works the arm of Williams but that is quickly reversed. theberzerker tags as the "HUSS" section yells "HUSS." theberzerker starts HUSSING as Spicollidriver now tags into the match. He bounces off of the man from HUSSVILLE as the "HUSS" section is going wild. theberzerker starts hammering away then tags Williams as they continue to beat on Spicolli. Williams tags theberzerker and puts Spicolli in the crossface as theberzerker gets down on the mat and yells "HUSS" into the face of Spicolli as he taps out. Curtzerker is advancing to the next round.
Earlier today we recorded a promo from the Champions team. Here it is:
Matt Perri: (Miss Danielle is mocking the Stranger by spraying a bottle of mist as Perri walks into it while covering his face with a cloak) At BoD Survivor Series, all I have to do is pin 5 jabronis. One of them, Andy PG, thinks he can take away my BoD Writer's Championship. Ha. Andy, I rate your chances roughly 4/10. And that's because I am feeling generous, Jack!
kbjone: Midcard Mafia, you are just that, the midcard. We are in fact the upper midcard. We are above you. It does not make sense to defend our titles against you as you are below are level. You need to go back and jerk the curtain like you belong.
Petuka: Call the National Guard, Bayless! I got five stiffs who will get hit with a Petuka Bazooka and they might not survive. YOU CAN LAND A FUCKING ZEPPELIN ON THEIR HEADS AND IT STILL WONT LEAVE THEM IN AS MUCH PAIN AS A PETUKA BAZOOKA. (National Guard steps into view of the camera as the mere mention of a Petuka Bazooka has them on standby)
DBSM: The biggest news out of BoD Survivor Series will be the mystery reveal of the 4th member of my posse. You think Harvey Grant and the guy who played Waldo on "Family Matters" like to not be represented by the musical world? No, they don't. And my only clue is that the 4th member of my posse will be a musician. And at BoD Survivor Series, win or lose, I will get invited to the after party at Nicole Eggert's house. AND I'M GONNA TAP THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hart Killer: The biggest disgrace out of Canada since Teddy Hart was the fact that a New New Zealander snuck in a win against me at BoD Hell in a Cell. But unlucky for Kaptain Kiwi, he will have to beat me again and I never lose twice. Then he can resume the worst year ever when after I beat him, I set fire to Mr. Garea's sacred Kiwi Tree farm. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Biff Kensington III has now come into the ring. He grabs the mic:
"At BoD Survivor Series, I will introduce to you the first member of Kensington Enterprises. With my money and power, Kensington Enterprises will take over the BoD. No one will stand in my way. No one. Not even a heart attack."
Kensington orders a servant to carry him out of the ring.
Hart Killer 09 & "Marvelous" Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle vs. Kaptain Kiwi & Andy PG
A preview of the "Champions vs. Challengers" Survivor Series matchup tonight. After those disparaging remarks against Mr. Garea, Kaptain Kiwi is fuming mad. He is almost moving a face muscle. Perri and Kiwi start off as Perri stalls and huddles with Miss Danielle. Andy begs Perri to get into the ring but he mocks him and starts to laugh. Andy now chases him around and is stopped by Hart Killer but Kaptain Kiwi taps Hart on the shoulder then decks him as he turns around. Kiwi tosses Hart into the guardrail as Andy has caught up to Perri and he also hammers away. Wait a minute, DBSM and the Upper Midcard Express are running down the aisle with their titles and they lay them all out. Petuka looks to put Andy in the Petuka Bazooka but out comes Mikey Mike, Steve Ferrari, and Magoonie as they even up the score. All ten guys are brawling as White Coat Security runs out and settles things down. Oh man, Champions vs. Challengers at BoD Survivors Series is RED HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Beard Money is with granny as the wait in line for some soft-serve ice cream. All of a sudden, Hoss barrels over and slaps the cone out of her hand. "GET YOUR GERIATRIC SELF OUT OF MY ICE CREAM LINE." Beard Money is taking aback and yells and points his finger at Hoss, calling him a "big ol' meanie." Hoss yells back that he will snap granny's neck as White Coat Security intervenes. Looks like these two have not seen the last of each other.
And now, lets check in on how the Job Mob spent their week:
The camera shows the crew at Jobber's house. In the background, Trunk Barlow & Roth Munson are seen doing yardwork. Lets check out what they have to say:
Jobber: (Lounging in his chair smoking a joint) Hey Murph, were you able to reach Parallax
Murph: (Putting Liquid into balloons) Nah, man. Straight to voicemail.
Zanatude: Maybe he thinks you are the husband of one of the wives he has fucked
Jobber: (Exhales) Maybe. You know, I am reaching out to him and I have all these whores coming by for him as a token of my appreciation but he still will not come by. And why didnt he attack Jef Vinson a few weeks ago? I don't get it.
Chartock: Maybe he is sick of handouts or something. Or he could have morals.
Zanatude: Well, he votes Democrat so he must like handouts, AMIRITE!!!!
Jobber: (No sells the previous joke) No, there is something else. Its Jef Vinson. The GM is right, everything is Jef Vinson's fault. I mean, I thought that Cultstatus was on Fuj's team as the mystery partner. Guess I misread my text message.
Murph: Yeah, could be right. (Starts chopping up lines on a mirror) Barlow, come over here and roll up that $100 bill we gave you for me to use. (Barlow comes over and rolls up the bill).
Jobber: Yo, give me that. (Jobber gets the bill and blows a line then puts the bill in his pocket before looking at Barlow) Oh, you want that back? Well, you are not getting it as you misspelled Klay Thompson's name above my hoop. WHO THE FUCK IS CLAY THOMPSON, BARLOW!!!!!!! (The Job Mob start laughing hysterically)
Zanatude: Hey, get Munson to shine my belts. And Jobber, did you get Bayless to make these Six-Man Titles official?
Jobber: I forgot again, man. But don't worry, I will soon. Murph, you got those balloons ready?
Murph: Just tied up the last one.
Jobber: Good. (Snaps his fingers for Barlow & Munson to head over to him) Take this barrel of balloons and bring it to the top of the building next to the park. We will be up there.
Murph: Yeah, someone has to throw these on the Equal Rights Protestors.
Job Mob: (In unison) HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GM Bayless comes out and announces another 5 vs. 5 Survivor Series matchup:
Team Ice Cream: Hoss & PrimeTime Ten & Biscuit! & Dock Muraco & Tommy Hall
The Good Guys: Beard Money & Joe Dust & Logan Scisco & "Mr. WCW" Chris F-B. & Night81
BoD Tag Team Tournament Opening Round
Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James vs. WWF1987 & Bobby
HA HA HA, GIT DOWN!!!!!! WE GUNNA GIT FUN-KAY UP IN HERE, DAWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWF1987 & Bobby have been interrupting da funk for weeks. Harris and Bobby go at it to start. Harris works the arm then ducks a clothesline and does a jig. HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!! Bobby is pissed and charges but he can't overcome the funk! Lil' James tags and springboards in with a splash that gets two. James grabs a side headlock but Bobby whips him and WWF1987 knees him in the back from the apron. WWF1987 tags and stomps away. He targets the back as James is in trouble. The true shooter of the BoD tags back into the match and he stretches out James as Harris is rallying for his partner to make the tag. James almost gets put away with a Demolition Decapatation but Harris makes the save. The ref orders Harris back as Bobby chokes out James with his bullrope. He is channeling Jimmy Jack Funk there. James gets whipped against the ropes but comes back with a baseball slide and connects with an enziguiri as both men are down. The crowd rallies behind James as WWF1987 tries to grab his leg but he escapes and crawls under the legs of Bobby to make the tag to Harris. ITS A FUNKPLOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Harris hits all sorts of bionic elbows and slams. WWF1987 charges and he gets backdropped to the floor. Harris slugs away and picks up Bobby and slams him down. Tag to James and he climbs up top and hits a senton. Harris then bounces off of the ropes and drops an elbow and makes the cover as James dives outside onto WWF1987 and Harris gets the win!!!! HA HA HA, THEY ARE ASKING GRANNY TO GIT INTO THE RING!!!!!!!! GIT DOWN!!!!! GIT DOWN GRANDMA!!!!!! DANCE, GRANNY, DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Backstage, Bayless addresses Bill Ray. He tells him that he is the future of the Administration and at BoD Survivor Series, he will be the one to end the reign of Archie Stackhouse. He will be the one who gets fast-tracked as a singles star. He is the one who will also regain the pet rock that belongs to me. Ray realizes now that he is the chosen one of the authority.
Parallax vs. Cabspaintedyellow
Parallax shows up and looks over at Cabs. He is still angry over Jobber telling him that Cultstatus was on Fuj's team as that was why he signed up with the Job Mob for BoD Survivor Series. Parallax looks over at Cabs and gets stared at right back. They then start trading blows as Parallax gets the upper hand. Parallax takes out his frustrations on the youngster. He tosses Cabs to the floor and sends him head-first into the guardrail. He wails on Cabs then rolls him back inside. Cabs protects himself as Parallax is throwing haymakers. Parallax is livid! He sends Cabs into the corner then starts choking him out as Kyle Warne runs out to make the save as Cabs is just about defenseless. Parallax swings at Warne and tosses him aside but Curry runs out and attacks Parallax from behind. He tries to pin him down as now the Job Mob runs out. They protect Parallax as they take care of Warne, Cabs, and Curry. Now, Jef Vinson and the Fuj run out and they take care of the Job Mob. Vinson knocks around Chartock and Zanatude. He swings at Jobber, who ducks, and ends up taking out Parallax! After picking himself up, Parallax gets up and goes right after Vinson! They are trading shots as the Job Mob has been run off. Coming out to the ring now is Cultstatus and he is not medically cleared but he clips Parallax then picks him up and hits him with the jackknife powerbomb. Parallax is laid out as the show goes off the air! TUNE INTO BoD SURVIVOR SERIES AT 6:35pm EST on SUNDAY TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
BoD Survivor Series
Jobber & Parallax & Job Mob vs. Fuj & Jef Vinson & Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & Cabs
Champions: DBSM & Matt Perri & Hart Killer & Upper Midcard Express vs. Challengers: Mikey Mike & Andy PG & Kaptain Kiwi & Midcard Mafia
GM Bayless & Administration vs. Archie Stackhouse & The Riverdale Covenant
Team Ice Cream: Hoss & PrimeTime Ten & Biscuit & Dock Muraco & Tommy Hall vs. The Good Guys: Beard Money & Joe Dust & Logan Scisco & "Mr. WCW" Chris F-B & Night81
Curtzerker & WWF1987 & Bobby & RIPSHIT KILLERS & Paul Meekin & White Thunder & "Happening" Harry Broadhurst & Danimal Crossing vs. Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James & Abeyance & thebraziliankid & Strike Force & The Drivers & Dr. Facts & Onita100"