Wednesday, November 12, 2014

E-Mail from Daniel Bryan's Mother

Hello Scott, I'm Daniel Bryan's Mother.

I'm deathly afraid for my son because he worked so hard to reach this point in his career and, now, after only a year or so of making main event money, he's down with a career-threatening neck injury. I'm worried that he hasn't been able to save enough money to make his years in WWE count and, God help me, he ends up like Dynamite Kid.

Please console me and let me know that everything will be ok for my boy.

​Wow, what an honor.  Well, since the Network has apparently imploded tonight, I have time to answer.  First up, wouldn't you call him Bryan and not Daniel?  But I'm getting sidetracked here.  Clearly this is a legitimate and serious e-mail.  However, given that I'm not his doctor, I can't give you a legitimate and serious answer.  

Also, aren't you dead?  Just curious.  

If not, you might want to keep his bedroom maintained, because I don't see him coming back any time soon.  And Brie Bella doesn't come cheap.  ​

71 comments:

  1. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©November 12, 2014 at 7:27 PM

    I believe that it was his father Scott, been dead since April.

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  2. Did Daniel Bryan's mother kill herself with grief soon after his father died?

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  3. Also, this mail was not from Daniel Bryan's mother. Scott is so gullible!

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  4. Start by disowning your daughter-in-law. For us.

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  5. YankeesHoganTripleHFanNovember 12, 2014 at 7:34 PM

    If Daniel Bryan ends up like Dynamite thats means Brie will be getting plenty of beatings and guns to the head.

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  6. At least she is earning her keep!

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  7. YankeesHoganTripleHFanNovember 12, 2014 at 7:36 PM

    well normally I would say that's a bad thing but since no one really likes the Bella twins...

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  8. God dammit, if I had a nickel for every fake e-mail from the supposed relative of a WWE superstar...

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  9. You went too far.

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  10. How will he get on Welfare in the UK?

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  11. WAIT, WAIT...what about those e-mails from Nigeria? Totally real, right? Because my credit card company isn't so sure.

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  12. Dynamite kid is a terrible human being and not deserving of hero worship.

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  13. Sorry, spellcheck screwed up my mail. The deposit should actually go to me.

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  14. That awkward moment when it turns out to actually be Daniel Bryan's mother.

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  15. At least it wasn't from Big Show's mom.

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  16. YankeesHoganTripleHFanNovember 12, 2014 at 7:40 PM

    or Judy Bagwell

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  17. Or Shelton Benjamin's mom.

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  18. YankeesHoganTripleHFanNovember 12, 2014 at 7:43 PM

    If Bryan has to retire and Brie Bella ends up supporting him I am pretty sure the smarks will either cry or drink themselves to death.

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  19. D-Bry's dad is dead, not his mom

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  20. Brie will support him figuratively and literally. She will have to prop him up to have sex.

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  21. Not JUST a dollar. A CANADIAN dollar!

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  22. Hey, the Missy Hyatte one was real.

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  23. No it wasn't. She would have offered to blow all of us.

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  24. Funny how that's the one thing that everyone focuses on.

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  25. Don't forget drugged anal raped too

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  26. man I just lost it at work. I am crying laughing. Will the troll come forward cause this is some high quality stuff. Vince Jordan, Danimal, Xavier I hope you all are taking notes.

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  27. I could reveal the culprit but that would ruin the fun.

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  28. Danimal: "Scott, are you okay? You haven't posted in 20 minutes. My stomachs in knots. Jesus, I cannot take this anymore. I'm on my way to Canada."

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  29. I wouldn't mind the trolling if it was original and/or funny. Those guys play one note over and over and over til I wish Scott would just ban them until they get new and better material.

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  30. Why would Mrs. Bryan need to keep his bedroom maintained if you don't see him coming back to it?

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  31. then he can take a bow. I can't stop laughing at this.

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  32. Honestly, I don't think he's trolling.

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  33. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 12, 2014 at 7:56 PM

    Yeah but he did it to his wife too. Not just Davey Boy.

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  34. IT WAS ME, DAMMIT!

    IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!

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  35. Yeah, Davey Boy learned that shit from Dynamite.

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  36. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©November 12, 2014 at 7:59 PM

    Hope your not getting weird looks.

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  37. What the fuck was Stu teaching people in his dungeon!?

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  38. Please let it be Caliber.

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  39. What happened to the Network?

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  40. Canadian terrorists attacked Titan Towers.

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  41. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©November 12, 2014 at 8:06 PM

    #Fatbuff.

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  42. To pop blood vessels in thier eyes

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  43. Or Rob and Scott's mom

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  44. For once, I think Stu was innocent of the charges.

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  45. So it's not just me. I thought my subscription got canceled for some reason (wishful thinking, maybe).

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  46. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonNovember 12, 2014 at 8:39 PM

    Your mom is so ugly that when she was a baby she had to sneak up on her teddy bear.

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  47. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonNovember 12, 2014 at 8:40 PM

    Your mom is so strong she can gargle peanut butter.

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  48. Daniel Bryan is not 73 years old. Just because he may not be able to be a professional athlete anymore doesn't mean he can't earn a paycheck.

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  49. Yeah, this blurs the line between reality and TV too much to make this line of joking funny. Brie Bella is an annoying actress and bad wrestler. Brianna Garcia, for all anyone knows, is a perfectly nice person.

    Let's not joke about people deserving death threats, domestic violence and rape in an industry where that shit happens with alarming frequency, yeah?

    Because it's getting awfully related to ethics in video game journalism up in here.

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  50. Wait.. so Daniel Bryan is a gnome and his mother is a troll? What does that make his father?

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  51. CruelConnectionNumber2November 12, 2014 at 9:00 PM

    The Network is working perfectly fine for me.

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  52. Dear Scott,

    I am also worried about my son. He refuses to eat his lima beans and then throws a tantrum when I threaten to take away his Nintendo 3DS.

    Sincerely,

    Judy Bagwell

    PS Thank you to PrimeTimeTen for allowing me to use his account. Such a nice young man.

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  53. A goat. Duh.

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  54. They should put Daniel Bryan's Mother on television. Vince could do a live interview with her, like Melanie Pillman!

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  55. Stu obviously had a lot of sex.

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  56. I mean, I'm all for dark humor but that's a bit...I dunno...real?

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  57. Yeah, I mean, if it were actually witty or not quite so "real," as you put it, I dunno, maybe it'd be fine, but this was just straight up "Brie Bella is annoying, so it'd be fine and kinda funny if her real life husband beat/raped/killed the woman playing that character." You don't have to actually believe that to make saying it gross and unnecessary.

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  58. I've said it before (in a response to you I believe) but I'd rather not have this site turn into a place that makes you feel like you need to take a shower after you comment. I think the community has been pretty progressive about racist comments or homophobic comments, it's hardly absurd to extend the same etiquette to 51% of the population.


    I know we're vaguely sports and comic book related (two areas of interest that are historically uh...testosterone driven) but can we just be the sort of nerd that gets really upset about continuity instead of the sort of nerd that gropes booth babes at Comic-Con?

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  59. Probably the worst thing to happen in the domestic United States this year. Just an awful, ugly mess.

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  60. Stu just does not advertise

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  61. My son thinks that e-mail is fake-Jim Rome's dad

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  62. You spelled outrage wrong :P

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