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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–10.30.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 10.30.95

Hey, we’re finally back. Although only one episode added to the archives this time instead of the three that they’ve been doing. I give up trying to understand them. I JUST WANNA FUCKING FINISH THIS SHITTY YEAR AND GO BACK TO NITRO, OK?

This is a special Halloween themed episode, which means EXTRA terrible puns.

Taped from Brandon, MB

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Goldust v. Savio Vega

Minor but annoying note: At this point, the “Tubular Bells” ripoff theme just loops the initial portion endlessly, rather than the extended version that became the norm later. Goldust attacks and pounds him in the corner, but Vega fires back before missing a dropkick. Speaking of Goldust, how shall I phrase this delicately…he’s not wearing a cup and his wang is very prominent through his tights. If you know what I mean. Goldust works the arm and it’s weird to see him in the original yellow tights rather than the more flashy gold ones he later adopted to better effect. Really, everything about the character at this point screams “work in progress”, and we take a break with Goldust working on the arm. Back with Goldust cutting off a comeback, but he misses a charge and Savio makes the comeback as Vince supposes that Goldust will be a box office flop! Well, he’d be the expert on THAT. Vega misses a charge, hits the ringpost, and Goldust gets the weak pin at 7:49. The canned heat was pretty overbearing here and Dustin was still far from where he needed to be. *

Survivor Series Slam Jam with Dok Hendrix and a shitload of caffeine. Bret Hart v. Diesel will be no DQ, no countout, no time limit!

Meanwhile, Barry Horowitz settles his cultural differences with Hakushi via Karate Fighters.

Marty Jannetty v. Joe Dorgan

Dorgan gets some offense in the corner, but Marty puts him down with a monkey flip and fistdrop before hitting the chinlock. Corner clothesline and another chinlock as Marty seems to have forgotten how to call a squash. Flying fistdrop finishes at 2:42.

Jim Cornette introduces his official legal counsel, Clarence Mason, and he’s very litigious. Apparently the contract stated that the winner of the Diesel v. Bulldog match would get Bret Hart at Survivor Series, and since Bulldog won by DQ, he should have that match. That’s odd reasoning. Regardless, they’d use that to justify Bulldog’s title shot in December.

The Smoking Gunns v. Phil Apollo & Joe Rashner

Usual Gunns squash and they finish Apollo with the Sidewinder at 3:00, as the Kid challenges them to a rematch sometime soon. For some reason Vince kept referring to Phil Apollo as “Otis”. Must be some weird Vince joke I’m missing.

Intercontinental title: Razor Ramon v. Owen Hart

Razor dumps Owen with a clothesline and works on the arm. I think WWE.com should do a ranking of Razor’s gear at some point, because he’s got the purple and yellow set tonight and I think it might be his best. I know the latest Countdown show is “Best ring gear” because apparently they’re already running out of ideas and/or recycled talking heads, so clearly this is a topic that could be explored further. Owen cheats and makes a comeback, but Ramon lays him out with the blockbuster slam and goes back to the arm again. This brings out Yokozuna and Jim Cornette goes running to cry to him about a phantom eye injury delivered by Ramon. That’s pretty great. We take a break and return with Razor still working the arm, but Owen finally tosses him to take over. Baseball slide into the railing and Owen follows with a missile dropkick for two and chokes him out on the ropes. Razor tries a comeback and Owen cuts him off with a neckbreaker and goes up with a flying legdrop for two and we suddenly take another break. Did you know that the WWF is coming to the E.A. Diddle Arena in Bowling Green, KY sometime in 1995? And yet they haven’t done a show here in Saskatoon since Alberto Del Rio was champion in 2011. Back with Ramon making the comeback with the middle rope backdrop suplex and we take ANOTHER abrupt break out of nowhere, returning with Yokozuna breaking up the Razor’s Edge for the DQ at, I dunno, call it 15:00 after all the ridiculous ad breaks added in. Honestly, the match was hacked to pieces by all the breaks and you could barely follow the finish. ** Yoko and Owen try the heel beatdown, but Ahmed Johnson saves and bodyslams the shit out of Yokozuna like it ain’t no thang. No wonder this guy was Vince’s wet dream.

Next week: Bret Hart & Hakushi v. Jerry Lawler & Isaac Yankem!

There is nothing on this week’s upcoming schedule to indicate that another episode is being uploaded anytime soon, so I guess we’ll continue this thrilling narrative at some undetermined point in the future.

Comments

  1. Yes. I almost added to my post that a lot of these people are trying to say what they think a smark should say.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If you cut the last two paragraphs off this is a good e-mail with a valid point.

    But damn, those last two paragraphs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like both matches. My VHS tape of WM 7 was oddly cut during that specific match though, so for that Silver Vision can BURN IN HELL!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Who cares? Oh no, a snarky smart ass emailed Scott! Get the hook!


    Who the hell isn't a snarky smart ass on this blog? If you have one opinion on the product, or the opposing opinion, you're still a snarky smart ass.


    If you love WWE, or hate it. If you love HHH, or hate him. If you love boobs, or you're an ass man (TM Billy Gunn).....


    ....you're probably being a snarky smart ass about it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well, you are a snarky smart ass beacuse you called out snarky smart asses who ummm... call out... snarky...



    NEVERMIND!!!!!! I TAKE IT ALL BACK! (chugs 2nd coffee)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, I'm definitely a snarky smart ass. No doubt. So are you, sir. We all are.

    ReplyDelete
  7. But....did you know that the British Bulldog was going to win whether he liked it or not? I heard this from an informed youth.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Theberzerker! HUSS!November 5, 2014 at 7:38 AM

    This guy...the WM7 match is one of the best storylines they've ever written in their history, but that doesn't mean you can't find the actual meat of the match itself inferior to their other encounter.

    ReplyDelete
  9. He's right though. On both counts.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Not all opinions are created equally.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yeah he is, but it was like getting to the end of an awesome Cena promo where you buy into everything he's saying and then he finishes... With a poop joke.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yea I was that dorky kid with the XL glasses.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I really would like to know what happened to that kid. You just know that if something like that were to happen nowadays, they'd have him do a skit with Big Show where they were both crying over something.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Don't just stand there drinking coffee when A MAN is talkin to ya!

    ReplyDelete
  15. That wasn't exactly the point. The point, ill-defined as it may be, is that a lot of these emails lately are just dripping with try-hard, and they're stupid as fuck as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  16. The Love-Matic Grampa!November 5, 2014 at 9:33 AM

    "YOU'RE WATCHING IT WRONG, PEOPLE. Enjoy things MY way, or you're wrong. Just plain wrong.
    WRONG!"

    ReplyDelete
  17. Well.....the Flair-Steamboat match from SS94 WAS pretty damn good. That would be a better argument than the Warrior-Savage argument (though personally, I like the Chi-town Rumble match better than the 2/3 falls match or the SS94 match)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm gonna take the next step and write Scott an angry e-mail cutting down his post about people cutting down his e-mail posts cutting down previous posts.....I'm dizzy

    ReplyDelete
  19. no ppv til 96??? that blows.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You know what would help give some context to what was going on around the PPV's.....the tv shows.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I ... don't think the SS94 match is that good. It's pretty good, sure, but not a classic.


    Now their WCWSN rematch a week or two later? THAT'S a classic.

    ReplyDelete
  22. When it comes to wrestling, yes, they kind of are.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Cool except without the buildup the match is clothesline heavy and destroys the credibility of the flying elbow.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Forgot all about that one.....Obviously, it's pretty hard to go wrong with Flair and Steamboat 1-on-1

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wasn't he set to retire? The idea was to give Warrior a huge rub and a memorable moment to capture his invulnerable nature. I don't see how anyone can criticize the match in any impactful way, but criteria varies from fan to fan as far as what makes up a great match.

    ReplyDelete
  26. The Rock never drew? I swear, there are few things more insanity-inducing than your numbers manipulating contrarian. Aiaiai.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I've had this happen with my video copy of SummerSlam 1996. wasn't until several years later that I saw the complete Undertaker/Mankind match.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I came here to throw their 2/89 match from the Boston Garden into this but holy crap there's a MSG rematch between the two a week later that I've never seen!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I work for someone like that.

    ReplyDelete

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