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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–11.13.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 11.13.95

Taped…again…from Brandon, MB. FOUR WEEKS from this shithole 2000 seat minor league hockey arena.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

So apparently Kid and Ramon have broken up during the house show tour, so Gorilla Monsoon has declared the main event tonight a non-title match because Kid is the special ref and shenanigans might result. Never mind that the match was taped weeks ago and they spent last week hyping the title match while knowing full well they weren’t going to deliver.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley v. Henry O. Godwinn

Hunter sends Henry into the stairs and sprays him with some perfume, as he was kind of picking and choosing from better gimmicks at this point. So Godwinn decides to slop himself and Hunter slips in the debris and runs away. No match. I note to my wife that the guy flopping around like a clown and running away now runs the WWE. She’s not surprised.

Hey, let’s take a look at Shawn Michaels, because he’s not on this show quite enough as of late. Man, once they turned him face and decided that they knew better than the fans what people wanted to see out of Shawn, they killed his cool factor dead.

Ahmed Johnson v. Jake Steele

This was Ahmed’s RAW debut, and he shrugs off the jobber’s offense and levels him with a clothesline. Spinebuster and the Pearl River Plunge finish at 2:25. This was impressive enough to somewhat wake up the dead crowd. Vince calls it a “tiger bomb” and I believe the nerd rage from the DVDVR crew on RSPW is still percolating to this day. Ahmed cuts a post-match promo and Vince is all “All right, thank you very much” and totally ignores whatever he said.

Barry Didinski shills the 1996 WWF calendar. My parents used to buy me one of those every Christmas!

Bret Hart and Diesel have a face to face interview to continue stretching this week of tapings out. So there you go, the last time Kevin Nash would ever sniff the WWF title was this show. This was long and dull stuff.

Speaking of dull, Vince McMahon engages in battle with Jerry Lawler via Karate Fighters, and Lawler cheats to win. Yes, Vince McMahon actually booked a worked Karate Fighters match.

King Mabel v. Roy Raymond

Nearing the end of the line for Mabel as well. He pounds away on Raymond, throws him around, and finishes with a belly to belly at 3:00.

Sid v. Razor Ramon

1-2-3 Kid is YOUR special referee. Vince lists all the times that Ramon and Kid have broken up on the house show circuit, which pretty much gives away that you’ll see the same stuff night after night. I mean we KNOW already, but why advertise it, ya know? Sid attacks and stomps Ramon down for two, then follows with a chokeslam and continues his thrilling stomping and forearming. Was it ever explained what the deal with this was, anyway? Was it originally filmed as a title change and then altered in post-production when Sid quit, I wonder? Ramon comes back with an attempt at the Razor’s Edge, but Sid backdrops him over the top while Dean Douglas joins us as we take a break. Back with Sid busting out a backdrop suplex for two, and a legdrop for two. To the chinlock, but Ramon escapes with an electric chair and Sid damn near breaks his fucking neck taking the bump wrong. At least they didn’t book him to jump off the second rope. Ramon, however, does, and hits the bulldog for two. Razor’s Edge, but Kid pulls Sid down and the powerbomb finishes via fast count at 11:50. So the Kid is now part of the Corporation, although nothing is done with the belt so it must have been done as a non-title match in the arena. Decent enough match. **

Next week: Shawn Michaels v. Owen Hart in a match you may have heard about before. Things are gonna start getting wacky now, folks.

Comments

  1. Ahmed: "Vinceyougdanvadvnioldaneanogsfsjfskfsdlkfasj!!"
    Vince: "Ahmed! Slow down!"

    Ahmed: "You godda frigga radda ara!"
    Vince: "Think before you say each word."

    ReplyDelete
  2. You got a 1996 calendar every year? Your parents are sadistic.


    Funnily enough, "tiger bomb" was the term Joey Styles, supposed God of Move Knowledge, used at the time. And actually, it makes way more sense than "tiger driver." It's a power bomb variation, after all, not a head spike.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So I'm watching November to Remember 95 and they didn't bleep Taz dropping a f bomb. Are they letting those fly or did this one just slip past the censors?

    ReplyDelete
  4. On the network?

    Archive footage is uncensored.

    ReplyDelete
  5. HowmuchdoesthisguyweighNovember 11, 2014 at 11:14 PM

    I watched Pillmans debut after the uncensored show and nothing was bleeped. Is that why they were pushing parental controls so much?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Exactly. The only move I'd actually term a "driver" is Misawa's Tiger Driver '91.

    And while we're on the subject, I remember watching Psicosis give Rey Misterio Jr. a regular powerbomb at an ECW show and Joey called it a "modified Tiger Bomb." I am not making this up.

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  7. So you're going to do a re-rant of a Survivor Series 1995 card that was a very interesting mixed bag.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Where is November to Remember 1995 on there?

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  9. Striker used to drive me crazy with the move names. He'd be all technical with them and then bring back names like the Slop Drop for a reverse DDT.

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  10. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 12, 2014 at 1:25 AM

    Striker is the most cringeworthy announcer I've ever heard because of shit like that. That and trying to give everyone a catchy nickname.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 12, 2014 at 1:27 AM

    "NOUGHAHM HEAR EM DA DUBBA DUBBA EFF, NO WON IDGUNNA STAHMB ME."

    ReplyDelete
  12. This Sid vs. Ramon match is the match in which I realized pro-wrestling was fake...when Sid "kicks" Ramon in the stomach to setup the power bomb, Sid missed by a good 6 - 8 inches and it OBVIOUSLY showed...especially during every replay...

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  13. The Clique intentionally ruined Vince's heel teacher character when Kid was only going to be sidekick to the IC champion instead of getting the belt... so Vince gives them the subtle finger by then giving Kid one of the lamest heel turns in company history without the title involved at all... before canning both within 6 months

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  14. Ahmed was trying to tell Vince that Shawn just gave him the great advice of never doing athletic high flying moves and instead wrestle like Sid...

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  15. The WWE should put subtitles in all of Ahmed Johnson's interviews. If he hadn't gotten injured repeatedly I wonder how far they were going to go with him. He could work some, had GREAT intensity and takinh that IC title from Golddust got him WAY over.

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  16. ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?


    If he hadn't injured himself or someone else every other damn week, Vince would've ignored his promoing in whatthefuckdidhesayese and put the world title on him.

    ReplyDelete
  17. As a homophobic teenager, watching Ahmed fucking annihilate Goldust was GLORIOUS.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I wouldn't trust the Japanese's version of what moves should be called. They call a suplex a "Brainbuster". As Hyatte once asked: "Is the Japanese brain in the ass or something?"

    ReplyDelete
  19. http://cdn.papermag.com/uploaded_images/Kim_cover_web_2.jpg



    Good morning.

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  20. Morning? Don't be silly, everyone knows the moon doesn't shine in the morning.

    ReplyDelete
  21. How hard was the urge to make Ahmed dance?

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  22. I do that for fun in my head. Being Matt Striker.


    "Adam Rose, the Duke of Debauchment!"


    "Stiff kick from Ryback, the All-Terrain-Vehicle of the WWE"

    ReplyDelete
  23. Vince doesn't make African Americans dance if he has serious plans for you. So he doesn't get confused as to which ones he has plans for, he makes all the ones he doesn't like into dancers. Whomever is standing still gets a push.

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  24. The fact that Vince called Ahmed's finisher anything other than "what a maneuver!" should be applauded.

    ReplyDelete
  25. That's ridiculous.

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  26. He should have brought back Oscar as a manager for him.

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  27. Funny how they basically said "Kid is gonna officially screw Ramon here, so it's a non title match just in case". So they basically advertised kid's heel turn. It was... Unique, at least...

    ReplyDelete
  28. Here, have your 10,000th upvote.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Best part is, I have had 0 downvotes since forever! I AM SO GREAT! I AM SO GREAT! EVERYBODY LOVES ME, I AM SO GREAT!!



    What? What do you mean disabled feature? Meh... QUI-ET, QUI-ET, QUI-ET, QUI-ET!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. 10,000-0 is one hell of a streak.

    ReplyDelete
  31. The one good thing you can say about this show --- at least it's only an hour. We don't have that benefit in the present.

    ReplyDelete
  32. *trying... not... to... be... snarky...*

    Unless someone is holding you up at gunpoint, you DO have the option to just watch 1 Hour of Raw, then change the channel or go to bed


    *Damn it. I failed. I was totally snarky. Couldn't resist*

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  33. Be careful using the word 'unique'.

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  34. him drilling that guy through a backstage door looking for GD is still one of the coolest things ever.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Actually, I don't watch Raw at all anymore. I haven't for 5 weeks. So I know no one is holding me up at gunpoint. I'm just stating that the 3-hour show fucking sucks, which is why I don't watch it at all anymore.

    ReplyDelete

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