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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–12.11.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 12.11.95

Taped from Richmond, VA

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Owen Hart v. Jeff Hardy

Hardy tries a headlock, but Owen puts him down with a knee and follows with a backbreaker. Jeff, it should be noted, appears to have crafted his tights out of a pair of curtains from the 70s. So kudos for recycling. Owen lays him out with a clothesline (which Jeff sells with a full Jannetty flip) and a missile dropkick finishes at 2:30. Yoko adds a buttdrop for good measure, and this prompts Diesel to leave his backstage seat and make the save. So either this was taped before the heelish interview from the live show or they were just letting him be the same person while they figured it out.

Aja Kong v. Chapparita Asari

Asari gets a crazy handspring mule kick, but Kong bowls her over and then just punches her in the face repeatedly. Well that works. Package piledriver looks to finish, but Kong picks her up at two. She keeps kicking Asari’s ass while Lawler makes lame fat jokes about Kong (after a comment about eating potatoes, Vince notes “There’s quite a few potatoes in the ring right now.” And that’s a shoot.) Kong gets a splash for two but picks her up, and Asari quickly comes back before missing the Sky Twister Press. Kong finishes her with the backfist at 4:00. Asari is bleeding heavily from the nose afterwards, and given how hard Kong was hitting her, I’m not shocked at all. This was seriously one of the stiffest matches ever seen on RAW. **1/2 This was designed to push Kong to a title match when it was filmed, but by the time it aired Alundra Blayze was already on the outs with the promotion and that’s probably why they didn’t say anything about her on commentary. In fact they largely ignored the match and just spent the whole time making fat jokes.

Shawn Michaels sits down with Todd, discussing possible retirement. Todd: “You haven’t been WWF champion, but you’ve had a good career.” That’s kind of a dick thing to say. Shawn basically calls him out for being such a twatburger with that line of questioning and INTERVIEW OVER. Oh great, Todd made him lose his smile.

Ahmed Johnson v. Rick Stockhauser

That’s a pretty good name for the jobber, actually. Ahmed quickly hits him with a spinebuster as the goof is tripping over his own feet, and then repeats it because the first one looked so shitty. Pearl River Plunge finishes at 1:05. Dean Douglas does a drop-in promo here as well, which is kind of scummy because they definitely knew by this point that Douglas was injured and wouldn’t be wrestling at the PPV. Afterwards, Ahmed declares to Lawler that he’s not a man of words, he’s a man of action. Truer words have never been spoken.

The RAW Bowl: Coming New Years Day! Did they seriously expect anyone to give a shit about this?

Speaking of things no sane person could give a shit about, Sid and The Kid get promo time, as Sid rambles about Marty Jannetty, and Kid is still working out his heel character.

Bret Hart v. Mr. Bob Backlund

They’ve got lots of time here, so we’ll see if Bret is motivated or not. They fight over a facelock while Jerry Lawler interviews Diana Smith at ringside and she has a perpetual bitchface while delivering terrible lines. She got a LITTLE bit better in 96, but not much. Bret and Bob keep fighting on the ropes for a waistlock and we take a break. Back with Bob clowning around outside the ring, but back inside the ring Bob goes for the chickenwing and Bret makes the ropes. So then Bob goes to work on the arm FOREVER and the crowd is just dead silent while I go read the WON from that week to kill time. Choice quote from that issue:

“They also said that DiBiase was reviving the Million Dollar Belt and it would be a newcomer to the company who would get it, which certainly smells like Steve Austin (probably under a different name), although it could also be the return of Jeff Jarrett. When people used to say that Austin was going to be the next Ric Flair, I always disagreed and thought it was more likely he'd be the next Ted DiBiase.”

Or, you know, he could be the biggest star in the history of wrestling. Either way.

Anyway, we take a second break and return with Bret trying the Sharpshooter, but Bulldog runs in for the DQ at 14:00. *1/2 Both guys were sleepwalking through that one.

Next week: Razor Ramon v. Yokozuna!

No wonder I didn’t order that PPV back in 1995.

Comments

  1. "So then Bob goes to work on the arm FOREVER and the crowd is just dead silent"


    Funny, same deal happened during Big Show vs Sheamus tonight.

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  2. WWE is so boring now that they can't even sell a FREE PPV. It's pretty astonishing.

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  3. They are so bored they can't even chant for randy savage!

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  4. It's pretty surprising Nash gave a shit to save a no name jobber. Though, it's interesting in hindsight, because it seems they did things like this because they knew they might make it furthur in the promotion.

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  5. I like the edgy direction they're going with though. The odds are stacked against Cena and we get to see if he can overcome them.

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  6. Any reason why they did the DQ finish in the Backlund match. They had no plans for the guy and Bret needed to be built up as a credible world champion again and finishes like this really didn't help his cause.

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  7. "So either this was taped before the heelish interview from the live show..."



    Diesel was mad about Owen taking out his buddy Shawn! Seriously...they would wrestle at the PPV. He didn't officially turn until the Royal Rumble.

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  8. "Did they seriously expect anyone to give a shit about this?"


    So I am a huge college football fan and I was actually really excited for the Raw Bowl, as in, "I wonder what the heck this is going to be about." Then once I saw what it was, I went back to the Notre Dame/Florida State Orange Bowl.

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  9. He didn't really care about the jobber...he was mad at Owen for hurting HBK>

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  10. It didn't help that they might as well have hung a big clock over the ring counting down to the run-in.

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  11. I won't try to defend it as a great idea or anything, but it was different and it was the type of experimental thing WWF needed to do.

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    My buddy's mom, makes $96 hourly on the laptop . She has been without a job for ten months but last month her check was $18280 just working on the laptop for a few hours.

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  13. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 17, 2014 at 8:43 PM

    Oh you go to hell you piece of garbage.

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  14. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 17, 2014 at 8:45 PM

    What's scary is that these things work in cycles. If 2014 is equivalent to 1994. Then oh god. Oh god please help us next year.

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  15. Omg, should I call now

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  16. Didn't need to order the ppv. They gave it away for free like 2 weeks after.

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  17. I have a laptop! Can it make me lots of money too?

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  18. "Or, you know, he could be the biggest star in the history of wrestling. Either way"

    I was never million dollor champion, brother
    -HH

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  19. Theberzerker! HUSS!November 17, 2014 at 9:17 PM

    2009 WWE is equivalent to 1989? Uh, no.

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  20. Wrestlemania 31 is just a couple hundred miles from me and this would be the first time I would have money to go to it. Unfortunately, WWE is so stale right now that I really don't give a shit about it.

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  21. so Roman Reigns is Diesel?

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  22. And Owen probably wasn't even wearing a black glove.

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  23. Yeah, there's no Zeus around.

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  24. "Truer words have never been spoken"...or mumbled incoherently...

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  25. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 17, 2014 at 10:30 PM

    I've been saying that for months. He has nice hair and an intimidating presence going for him and not much else. Except Diesel had mic skills. Reigns doesn't even have that.

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  26. Aja Kong probably could've kicked King and Vince's asses both at once for all those fat wisecracks.

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  27. I think Diesel was out for revenge on Owen for putting Shawn out.

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  28. Bored Bret vs Bored Bob. Were they the New Midnight Express?

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  29. As we saw in the buildup for Victory Road 2004, Nash really likes being there to help people named Jeff, so the run in makes sense here.

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  30. New Years Raws always put up the shittiest shows against bowl games. I think Boise State vs Oklahoma was on the same night as the Raw with Rosie vs Trump.

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  31. Bret was nearly always booked like a pussy as Champion- it's part of why he was so bitter, and probably part of why he's always quick to defend how good he was in this era. He was "The Fightingest Champion Ever" at one point, but usually only beat midcarders that way. Sometimes he was constantly booked like he was lucky just to win.

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  32. haha I totally read that as "hung a big cock over the ring" and I was like "WTF kind of a metaphor is THAT?"

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  33. Kid; "You know what this heel character needs? A diaper!"

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  34. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 18, 2014 at 1:14 AM

    AHAHAHA LAUGH DAMN IT.

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  35. Bodacious Bob Backlund & Bombastic Bret Hart, teaming up! I smell money!!!

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  36. Deisel was still Shawn's buddy in March.

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  37. Bret was a pro and did like to make guys look strong because he knew how the business worked and knew if he wanted to draw money, he had to put guys over at the same level as him, but his third title reign was inexcusable to how he was booked as I only remember him beating Buddy Landel, Tatanka and Goldust clean on tv.

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  38. Did Landell do a TV shot? I thought he injured himself right after the PPV.

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  39. It's so cute the way they like their own comments.

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  40. He's a featured performer on Raw next week!

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  41. They did do a Bret v Landel match on tv, though now I'm thinking abut it, I don't think it was featured on Raw and it was a WWF Mania "Exclusive" match on the same week they reaired the Bret/Bulldog match from IYH5.

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  42. You mean you don't BELEE DAT?!?!?!?! WTF is wrong with you?

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  43. That wound up the match on the December PPV.

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  44. Guess I was wrong http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6tqf6_bret-vs-buddy_sport the match took place on Superstars building up to the Rumble. Surprisingly this was actually for the title, despite Buddy being a newcomer and not deserving of a shot and the announcers did try to put Buddy over so it seems like Buddy could have had a decent career in the WWF had he not got injured.

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  45. Diana Smith though...yowza

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  46. "We'Re gonna put you in a diaper pal, and it's gonna be great dammit!"

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  47. More HHH thinking

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  48. Correct. He turned at the MSG show after it was known he would be leaving in May

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  49. Diesel was tough on the mic in 95 and 96 still. He sounded rehearsed and lost his train of though constantly. It was until he was allowed to be his wisecracking self in WCW that his mic skills became great.

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  50. Virgil's Gimmick TableNovember 18, 2014 at 12:03 PM

    He still showed a hell of a lot more charisma than Reigns. Diesel sounded intimidating. Reigns doesn't.

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