There are no kinks in the Cyborg Factory, which means WCW Saturday Night will air in full. Tonight, we’ll see the full appearance of Roddy Piper from Halloween Havoc that we also saw on Nitro and we’ll play this into the ground whether you like it or not.
Hello TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES! Rhodes was loving the Piper appearance, because insults were hurled around like a volleyball. And tonight we’ll see that, plus Sting hiding in the shadows, all here on the mothaship!
JIMMY GRAFFITI vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Eddie’s still banged up, but hot damn I hope he’s able to move with more speed than the ridiculous display on Monday. NICK PATRICK officiates this one. Eddie whips Graffiti into the ropes, but gets caught with a standing vertical suplex. Graffiti goes right after the ribs, kicking away and whipping Eddie into the buckle. A backdrop suplex gets 2. Graffiti rams Eddie in the ribs repeatedly, but Eddie fires back with a series of punches, using a European uppercut to accentuate the assault. Graffiti responds by elevating Eddie and dropping him on the ribs, but Guerrero kicks out at 2. Jimmy puts on an abdominal stretch, and Guerrero howls. Upon release, Eddie manages to snap off a rana, buying himself a few seconds. Still, Graffiti is up first, and drops a leg for 2. He goes upstairs to finish, but misses a big splash, and Eddie hits the Frog Splash for the pin at 4:21. I can’t imagine that’s gonna do much to help his rib problem. **
THE FACES OF FEAR vs. THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS
Just in case the Faces of Fear weren’t bloody intimidating enough, now they’re wearing skull jackets on the way to the ring. I would not want to be Ricky Morton today. And sure enough, Morton tries his high flying nonsense, leaping right into the awaiting arms of Barbarian, who slams him with ease. Morton rolls away, and tags in Gibson who tries to go toe to toe with the clubberin’. Does he have a death wish? It doesn’t take long for the Fear to isolate Gibson on the floor, and beat him down for his insolence. Back in, he manages to sunset flip Meng, but a sunset flip doesn’t actually HURT, so he’s right back up and pounding away. Over to Barbarian, who slams Gibson’s head into the buckle with some extra oomph. Gibson tries to bite Barbarian, but Meng is right behind to stop that. Gibson slams Meng’s head into the buckle, which doesn’t even get a blink out of the man before he hits Ricky Morton for the hell of it. Barbarian gives Gibson a backdrop, and poses to his legion of fans. Gibson manages to sneak in a small package for 2, and tries to keep battling Barbarian. Meng enters with a backbreaker for 2. Barbarian goes for a falling headbutt off the second rope, but Gibson rolls away. That allows for the hot tag to Morton, who Tony says is one of the hardest punchers in the sport. The hell?!? A double dropkick sends Meng sprawling, and a double backdrop leaves Barbarian stunned. Morton goes up, but Barbarian crotches the man. He chases down Morton, but Gibson puts Barbarian on his shoulders allowing for Morton to hit a crossbody block – but the referee won’t count until Gibson leaves the ring. Once he does, Meng quietly enters with a Kick of Fear, and Barbarian rolls on top for the win at 6:14. That … wasn’t my favorite Fear match. I need more destruction and less comebacks from Morton. **
JOE GOMEZ vs. THE CHEETAH KID
Are we still “pushing” Joe Gomez? I thought we put that to pasture once he started walking half naked down the beach with Alex Wright, Renegade, and Jim Powers. Unless of course, this is the start of the era of Cheetah Kid. It’s not Prince Iaukea today, nor does it appear to be Rocco Rock, so I’m not sure who’s under the hood. Cheetah hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2, as Dusty laments the difficult time one faces when they go mano y mano with the Cheetah Kid. Powers small packages the Kid for 2. A scoop slam sets up a sidewalk slam, and Gomez gets the win at 3:50. 1/2*
CHAVO GUERRERO JR. and JACK BOOT vs. BIG BUBBER and KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart)
NICK PATRICK gets the assignment, which seems like an odd placement for him. Chavo hits a quick drop toe hold, and Jack Boot beats Bubba in the ropes. Guerrero dropkicks Bubba to the floor, and follows by sending Sullivan flying. Sullivan charges, and Boot whoops him, followed by Chavo hitting a pair of dropkicks. Sullivan pushes Chavo outside, and Bubba quickly sends him into the ring steps. Back in, Bubba hits the straddle, and turns things back to Sullivan. All hell breaks loose, and in the mess, Hart hands bolt cutters to Sullivan who whacks Chavo in the face for the pin at 3:03. * After the match, Jack Boot eats a camera man and runs backstage which foaming like a rabid weasel. That last part might have been my active imagination.
JOHN TENTA vs. JEFF JARRETT
We’re still playing this stupid giant killer game, huh? Jarrett has knocked off Ron Studd and Road Block in recent weeks, but none of them had quite as much back hair as Tenta, so he’s in for a real battle tonight. Tenta mocks Jarrett by offering a test of strength about 8 feet in the air, so Jarrett reacts like a child and stomps Tenta’s feet. Of course, that works about as effectively as a child stomping your foot, and Tenta decks him hard. Jarrett uses his speed by sliding under Tenta’s legs, but winds up getting atomic dropped. Jarrett tries a sunset flip, so Tenta just gives him the banzai, and points to HIS head because he’s so smart. For example, he knows he is not a fish. Tenta drops a couple of nice looking legdrops, getting 2. Jarrett throws a series of kicks, but one big club from Tenta knocks him right back down. Jarrett gets his head slammed to the buckle, but he rakes the eyes to stall Tenta’s attack. A slam backfires immediately as Tenta falls on Jarrett for 2. Dusty declares Tenta’s going to the pay windah, which is the kiss of death as he misses a big splash. Jarrett hits a chop block, and goes for the Figure Four, but Tenta shoves him right off. An avalanche misses, and Jarrett leaps off the middle rope with a bulldog for the pin at 6:10. Maybe I’m in a good mood, because I liked that. **1/2
TONY SCHIAVONE continues to pull double duty while Gene sits in purgatory, hooking up with Jarrett in the back. Jarrett says the plug has been pulled, and the nWo is circling towards the drain. He pleads with the Dungeon of Doom to make good with the Horsemen, for Luger to focus his anger on the nWo, for Sting to stop crying, and for the Nastys to stop running their mouths and just step up. Jeff Jarrett is the only voice of reason these days, which makes for a *really* sad state of affairs.
BOBBY EATON vs. “LORD” STEVEN REGAL (for the WCW world television title)
It’s the blowoff we’ve been waiting 2 months for! His Lordship has been sorely missed on WCW programming, and one day I hope he chronicles his struggle in escaping the evil clutches of Ron Studd on that European tour that eventually led to his glorious return to WCW. Tony bemoans the loss of one of WCW’s great tag-teams when this group broke up. Preach on, brother! If Regal and Dave Taylor ever parted ways, I’m not sure what I’d do. I might have to give up this gig and walk the earth like Jules Winfield, looking for my place. Eaton grapevines the arm of Regal who is standing up, so Eaton is just sort of dangling in the air. Regal forces a break, and sells it as the most painful hold in the history of submission wrestling. Regal offers the hand of friendship, but Eaton decks Regal. Is there no room for friendships anymore? A swinging neckbreaker has the champion flopping all over the mat like a fish out of water, and Eaton gets 2. Eaton pounds in the corner, but the referee gets in the way long enough for Regal to punch Eaton in the eyes and score a quick pin with his feet on the ropes at 3:40. Glorious. **
Over to nWo Saturday night … Tonight’s competition comes to us in the form of:
Weight: 200 lbs. or so
Hometown: Somewhere in Japan
Pro record: 195-72
Wang cha-ching School
Wax on… Wax off technique
SYXX works as the ring announcer, with DOCTOR X still working as the referee.
Nash goes all kinds of racist to a level that would *not* fly on TV today. Tanaka knows “all the moves” according to Nash, from his 7th level black belt wearing Sensei, named (various Asian sounds). Tanaka just bounces off Giant like a ping pong, and Hall speculates that Tanaka is tired from spending all night in a Casino. Giant throws Tanaka across the ring, called a “full head drag and twist!” by Kevin Schiavone. A backdrop hits, which affects all 9421 muscles in the left lung sez Nash. Giant drops a leg, as Hall swoons. Giant clubs Tanaka. Hall: “Would you call that a sledgehammer?” Nash: “I’d call it an Ouch! That knocked the Dickens out of him!” Giant starts criss-crossing, which Nash says is shaking the entire building. “Like a cat! He reminds me a young lad! Ernie Ladd!” Giant uses the “I Punk You”, which sets up the Chokeslam for the win at 3:54.
Syxx wants a word with the victor. Giant says Tanaka was the toughest opponent of his life, but he couldn’t understand a word he said. He believes if we had a Japanese referee, we’d discover he quit after the first move. Nash announces the nWo will host their own pay-per-view in January, “Souled Out”.
For the second time this week, the entire Piper/Hogan confrontation airs.
CHRIS BENOIT (with Woman) vs. CHRIS JERICHO
Fall Brawl rematch! A match of this profile could only be handled by one NICK PATRICK. Benoit beats down Jericho in the corner, but spying the taped ribs, Jericho chops at those to turn the tide. A boot to the head is followed by a hard hiptoss, so Benoit hits the floor to come up with a new strategy. Jericho makes the mistake chasing him, so Benoit rolls in and awaits his prey. They tee off on each other with some rough shots, before Jericho hits a spinning heel kick into the ribs. Benoit hits the deck again, and whips Jericho into the ring post when he follows. Benoit charges in to follow up, but Jericho side-steps and Benoit nails the post hard, chest first. Back in, Jericho hits a shoulderbreaker that we never see because the camera spends a half hour checking out Woman. A backslide gets 2. Benoit tries a whip, but Jericho throws his shoulder into Benoit on the follow through right in the tender spot, and gets 2. Benoit goes for a suplex, but Jericho drops to the mat with a cross armbreaker. Benoit gets to the ropes, and Woman rakes Jericho in the eyes while Patrick is busy checking on Benoit. Benoit quickly hits a powerbomb for the win at 5:36. As much as I hated their Fall Brawl encounter, I loved this. ***1/2
TONY SCHIAVONE wants a word with Benoit and Woman before we close off the show. We’re talking Kevin Sullivan apparently. Benoit says the only reason Sullivan is still allowed to make a living in wrestling, is because Benoit hasn’t crippled him. He used to respect him, but no more. He tells Sullivan to step off, because he’s looking at the new man. Woman warns Benoit that she knows Sullivan better than anyone, and he won’t be coming alone. She vows to stay beside him the whole way. “That’s why you’re one of the Horsemen Nancy, because you’re my ace in the hole.” Nope, you’re not the only one who’s getting a little uneasy.
We close off replaying Hogan’s masturbation session from Monday. Tony says that Bischoff has been working around the clock to sign Hogan vs. Piper as the “match of the decade”. Will it happen? Tony urges us to tune into Nitro.
But what if I’d prefer to tune into Worldwide? THEN WHAT?