WCW Worldwide: November 10, 1996

It’s the only hour that Roddy Piper’s interview won’t be played in full, WCW Worldwide! And tonight … oh hell, they’re hyping Piper’s interview. What the hell WCW? Is nothing sacred? I just want to watch horrible Todd Morton matches and get on with my day.

Our hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN.

GOLDBERG PAT TANAKA vs. ALEX WRIGHT

I’m glad Tanaka survived nWo Saturday Night to return to a world with full colored cameras, and a potentially even playing field. Your referee is … RANDY ELLER. Hah, you expected someone else? Wright hits about 40 European uppercuts in a row, which is equivalent to about half of a Dave Taylor punch. Tanaka comes back with a sitdown powerbomb for 2. Wright crawls to the safety of the ropes, and goes back to a series of European uppercuts cuz it’s what we do in Europe. A missile dropkick nearly whiffs, but it’s enough to get the pin at 2:52. *

CHRIS JERICHO vs. RANDY STARR

From a distance, I thought they’d given Chris Benoit the “already in the ring” treatment, which both disappointed me from a booking standpoint, but excited me from a match standpoint. Alas, it’s Randy Starr, which is the pornstarriest name since Sexton Hardcastle. Starr hits a tough shoulderblock and draws boos because he didn’t get an entrance. Jericho comes back with a dropkick to the knees, and he kicks away at the now tender area. An avalanche misses, as Jericho’s face meets buckle, and Starr hits a superkick. Starr works a headlock, which just serves to waste time. Jericho hits what Heenan calls the “dreaded Greco Roman double shin lock” which is actually a botched slingshot rana. They repeat the spot, and Jericho finishes with the Lionsault at 3:55. *1/2

Hey, were you aware that Roddy Piper appeared at Halloween Havoc to confront Hulk Hogan? No? Here’s the complete 10 minute spot, if somehow you’re watching Worldwide but not Nitro or Saturday Night.

CHAVO GUERRERO JR. vs. KONAN

These spelling deficiencies are not ok. The producers of all the shows need to sit down and hammer out a concrete plan for everyone going forward. This includes Rey Misterio Mysterio, whether or not he’s a Junior, Maxx (Muscle?), and Nick Patrick or Doctor X. It’s going to be hell by the time Blitzkreig arrives. Chavo hits a crossbody for a close 2, but that draws out RON THE LEPRECHAUN and not Jack Boot. Braun is less intimidating than usual, just running circles instead of trying to eat every member of the WCW cast and crew. Splash Mountain wins for Konan at 2:33. Konan invites Eddie to the Dungeon, which sounds like an idea straight out of 50 Shades of La Raza. I’d recommend he not go. DUD

DEAN MALENKO vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. (for the WCW world cruiserweight title)

Of course, since this was taped when Rey was still champion, neither guy is carrying the belt, but Bobby covers things up beautifully. He says he encouraged Malenko to come out and shove the belt in Rey’s face, but Malenko replied “I’ll show it to him when I’m ready”. This is about the 8^th or 9^th time these guys have faced off since June, and it’s not that I don’t approve, but I hate getting burned out on quality matchups. Rey hits a reverse Frankensteiner, but Malenko rolls right through the move and catapults Rey to the outside. Mysterio re-enters with a springboard somersault dick to the face, followed by a beautiful spinning rana that frustrates Malenko so much he needs a breather to think things over. He slowly re-enters, and wrings Mysterio’s shoulder repeatedly. A hammerlock slam leaves Rey clutching his arm, and smelling blood, Malenko follows with a snap overhead hammerlock belly to belly suplex. Mysterio rolls to the floor, but Malenko’s all over him, throwing Rey shoulder first to the ring post. Back in, Rey leaps right into Malenko’s hands, who propels him upwards into a bellyflop. Malenko goes for the powerbomb to set up the Cloverleaf, but Mysterio snaps off the West Coast Pop in mid-air! He doesn’t go to cover however, and seconds later he’s tied back up in a hammerlock armbar. Mysterio slips away, and locks Malenko in a small package for 2. A pissed off Deano stands up and just pounds at the shoulder. Malenko guillotines the shoulder, and refuses to move, trying to turn it into a pin. It doesn’t work, so now we move to a crossface hammerlock that has Rey squealing like a pig. Malenko releases and goes for a backbreaker, but Rey twists in mid-air and falls on top for 2. Malenko baseball slides Rey to the floor in retaliation, right on the shoulder of course. Back in, Malenko goes for an armwringer, but Mysterio starts bouncing off the ropes, and hooks the head with his feet, rolling through with an Oklahoma roll for 2! Great sequence. Rey goes for a rana, but Malenko powerbombs him and goes to apply the Cloverleaf. Rey, having been here before, hooks Malenko’s leg as they turn over, and schoolboys him for 2!! Even though I know better, I actually thought that was it. Malenko heads up, but Rey stops him and goes for the Frankensteiner. Dean shoves him off, but misses whatever he is going for, and in a flash Mysterio’s up and nailing a sky twisting bodyblock for 2! Mysterio goes for another rana, but Malenko drops down with a sidewalk slam, and scores the pin at 10:31. I hate the ending, but I loved the match. ****

Next week: The big names keep rolling out. Brad Armstrong! Billy Kidman! Renegade! Joe Gomez! I can feel your excitement LITERALLY dripping down your collective legs! I hope you can hold out until then.