GM Bayless is in his bunker via satellite with the remaining members of his Administration, Justice Gray and Bill Ray. Here is what he says:
"While I am live on location with my Administration as we continue to bond, I have a few items to discuss with you. First, the BoD Rumble is coming up and starting next week we will have qualifying matches but one person does not need a qualifying and that is the chosen one of the Administration, Bill Ray (Ray looks a bit shocked then it settles in and he starts to smile). Also, the very special Minneapolis BoD RAW will have a title match as Jobber puts up his BoD Heavyweight Title against The Fuj. And we also will have (Loud bang is heard...............The Riverdale Covenant Enter). What the fuck...........................(The Riverdale Covenant Grab Bayless and Justice Gray. They leave Bill Ray as Pee Wee puts a Riverdale Covenant Jacket next to him)."
What has happened to the GM!!!!!!
BoD Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
Curtzerker vs. Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James
As usual, the HUSS section is loud and proud! Match starts with Williams and Lil' James going back and forth. James slides underneath Williams then ducks a clotheslines and STARTS TO GIT FUN-KAY. James hits a dropkick then gets a swinging DDT for two. Dancin' Devin tags and he goes to work on Williams. James tags again and goes for a crossbody but Williams ducks then tags theberzerker as the HUSS section goes crazy. theberzerker bends down and HUSSES in the face of James then starts to stomp away. Williams tags himself back in as James is in trouble. James tries to tag out but Williams yanks him away as Curtzerker is using quick tags to isolate James. Dancin' Devin is GITTIN' FUN-KAY on the apron trying to rally the crowd behind his partner and that angers the HUSS section. Williams climbs the middle rope but misses a leg drop as both men are down. James gets up and crawls over to his partner and makes the tag as the BoD just scored a 200 on the FUN-KAY METER. Harris runs wild as he takes care of Curtzerker by himself. Harris runs full speed and clotheslines theberzerker in the corner. He tags James in as he goes up top and hits a missile dropkick on theberzeker but Williams runs in and breaks the cover. Williams goes back on the apron then tags himself in as the match has broken down. The ref is yelling at theberzerker and Harris as the FUN-KAY BUNCH are battling with the HUSS SECTION. In the ring, James catches Williams with a leg lariat then heads up top but a crew member as run up with a chair and whacked James in the back. James falls off of the top then Williams picks him up and hits a brainbuster then covers for the win! What the hell was that. The crew member now grabs the mic as I have no idea what is going on here. He then yanks off his hat and then removes a fake beard as he reveals himself as..........................................BIFF KENSINGTON III!!!!!!!! Biff then tells the crowd that he is now the manager of Curtzerker, the newest acquisition of Kensington Enterprises.
And now a video package of a week in the life of Biscuit:
(Biscuit wakes up in the arena parking lot. He slept in the back of his Buick Regal in order to save money for the Holiday Season. Fuck it, Biscuit only knows one December Holiday and that is Christmas. Biscuit has had a busy week since the last BoD RAW as he spent the drive from Cleveland to Minnesota wrestling at the local Armories. Let's take a look at that:
Tuesday morning, Biscuit turns down the heat in his apartment. He treated himself last night when he cranked up the heat to 56 degrees. Biscuit then gets up and oddly enough makes toast to go with his six eggs and a large glass of whole milk. He throws on his favorite Everlast sweatshirt before heading out of the door.
Wednesday, Biscuit arrives to an armory in Iowa for a local indy show in front of 13 fans. Biscuit remains humble and thanks the promoter of a payoff that consists of some McDonald's coupons and a container of wheat germ. Biscuit loses his match, as he always make sure to put over the guys that will be in this promotion then heads in the locker room where he drinks the boys under the table and puts everyone's bag in the shower before turning on the water. He then tells them the importance of pulling ribs on each other to have a good working environment.
Friday, Biscuit heads to another show, this time at a 55 seat venue and Timmy Jablowski's 9th birthday party. Biscuit tapped out to the neighborhood champion's noogie. Biscuit slapped Uncle Jerry's camera out of his hand as he did not want to be taped doing a job, as it would hurt his credibility. He got paid in chicken nuggets, ice cream cake, and a goodie bag, which was the Jim Beam he swiped from Uncle Jerry, who needed to be humbled as he constantly bragged about his money in the
Saturday: Biscuit's Regal hits the 231,000 mile mark on its odometer. He celebrates at McDonald's with his coupons.
Today: Biscuit enters the arena. He sits down in his locker room and uses the stairmaster as he prepares for the match in front of his homecrowd. Last time he was in Minnesota, it was at a charity pancake breakfast when he sat next to Kent Hrbek. He almost got tossed when Tim Laudner tried to take the butter off of his tray and he proceeded to put him in a sleeper hold. Biscuit will do this for Minnesota, he will do this for his people)
Biscuit vs. Night 81
The hometown crowd is hot for Biscuit tonight, folks. Night81 attacks Biscuit to start the match. He is laying into him in the corner as the crowd boos. Night hits a suplex and that gets two. He tries another one but Biscuit floats over and gets a rollup for two. Biscuit starts hammering away then hits a gutbuster. Biscuit catches Night with a backdrop as Night rolls out for a breather. Biscuit follows him out and beats him down. Biscuit rolls him back inside and heads up top but misses a knee drop. Night gets up and uses a Shining Wizard and covers but Biscuit is just able to kick out. Night stretches out Biscuit with a surfboard as the crowd chants for their hometown hero. Night breaks the hold and heads up top but Biscuit knocks him down. Biscuit heads up and uses a superplex but that only gets two. Biscuit is up and he slams Night down. He backs Night in the corner but gets hit with a throat thrust then Night uses a neckbreaker. Night picks up Biscuit but gets caught in small package for two. Night stomps away then whips Biscuit against the ropes but ducks his head for a backdrop and Biscuit kicks him in the face then takes him down and puts him in the Stump Puller!!!!! Night can't move and he has to tap out as the hometown hero has won in Minnesota!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Biscuit has his arm raised as he has won live on BoD RAW.
Now let's get ready for "Welcome to the BoD" with your host, Abeyance.
Crowd: Hello, Abeyance!
Abeyance: How are you!
Abeyance: So Am I!
Crowd: We know!
Kid: I'm okay too
Abeyance: What did you do this weekend
Kid: I hung out with my teacher
Abeyance: (jokingly) Go home, you're drunk
Kid: Okay. (Kid proceeds to get up and leave).
Abeyance: My guest is the BoD Heavyweight Champion, Jobber123
Jobber: (With sunglasses and a half-buttoned shirt, obviously hungover) Yeah, make this quick, kid. I got some blow.........uh.....I have to blow out of here soon. I have the flu
Abeyance: I had the flu once.
Jobber: I bet you did.
Abeyance: I did, I just told you.
Jobber: Make it quick, I am the champ and have a match soon.
Abeyance: What do you think of the BoD Rumble
Jobber: That I am the champ and dont have an opponent. No one is man enough to face me.
Abeyance: Well, I am a man and I have a title shot to use. So I can face you then or if you lose the title, I can face them. (Crowd chants for Abeyance)
Jobber: (Coughing then laughing) Okay, yeah, you can face me. Hey, do you have any Aspirin?
Abeyance: No, but I have some Altoids.
There you have it, at the BoD Royal Rumble the champion will face Abeyance in a title match. But who will be the champion?
Hart Killer 09 & DBSM w/ The C-List Posse & "Marvelous" Matt Perri vs. Kaptain Kiwi & Andy PG & Mikey Mike
The C-List posse and DBSM are shown in an insert promo exchanging gifts, which all turn out to be gift certificates to Dave and Busters. Match starts with a wild six-man brawl as these guys all hate each other. The action spills outside as they are now in the crowd. The referee has counted to ten and counted out both teams as he is unable to control the wrestlers. Kaptain Kiwi has just whacked Hart Killer with a chair. Miss Danielle takes off her heel but Andy ducks and she hits Perri in the face. All three men now take DBSM and toss him off of the balcony and onto the C-List Posse!!!! Oh man, Mark Linn-Baker has arthritic knees. They all get up as Horace Grant pulls out his phone and uses his Uber app as they appear to be making use of their gifts. Michael Winslow makes a bunch of disapproving sound effects. These men will be fighting again.
Backstage, Jef Vinson is walking with his valet. All of a sudden, Parallax walks by. They stare each other down before they start talking:
Vinson: What's up. Still blame me for you not being the champion?
Parallax: Nah, I dont blame you. The GM has continuously fucked myself and the rest of the BoD over with the shoddy way he runs things. He is not even fit to be a Mod, nevermind the GM. But back to your question, who do you think you are with that ego? I control my life, I dont rely on drugs like the others. I am in control.
Vinson: (Tells his valet to chill) In case you haven't heard, neither do I because I also control my actions. I do not need to rely on chemicals to solve a problem or have a good time.
Parallax: (less intense) That's a noble thing.
Vinson: Yeah, it is a noble thing.
(All of a sudden, Cultstatus runs out and attacks Parallax. Vinson breaks it up)
Cultstatus: Its not over, motherfucker! You think that fluke win meant something?
Parallax: It wasn't a fluke, Forumteer. And how next week you come out and face me again in a TLC match. That way I can curbstomp your career away.
Cultstatus: I'll be there, pal!
Parallax: I'm not your pal.
BoD Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
Strike Force vs. RIPSHIT KILLERS
Dock Muraco has just joined commentary to tell us that Chris Fothergill-Brown should not be getting excited over **1/2 Barbarian matches from WCW as he should be watching the Tokyo New Japan Show instead before leaving. Girls in Cars plays as the Strike Force has some of Santa's little helpers in the Lebaron. RIPSHIT KILLERS try to attack Strike Force to start but Mar Solo has had way too much coffee today and his quite jumpy! AAAARGH THE BARBARIAN rips off an antler but swings and misses like he is Dan Uggla then Matt Indeed runs at him with a flying forearm! THE YETAAAAY runs out but Indeed plants him with a flying forearm. AAAARGH gets up now Mar Solo uses a flying forearm then puts him in the Boston Crab and gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Strike Force is going to the finals to face Curtzerker.
In the locker room, Kaptain Kiwi, Mikey Mike, and Andy PG are all happy that they got revenge. All of a sudden a loud banging is heard and the trio look back and are shocked to who they see yelling:
"So, ya think you can become champion by getting counted out, do ya! The belt is not won in the fucking crowd! ITS WON IN THE RING"
IT IS TONY GAREA
"(Points at Kiwi) To think I thought you were ready for this. YA SHOULD BE FETCHIN ME ANCHOR CHEESE WITH THE SHIT I SAW TODAY. YA GOT A LOT TA LEARN MY BOY SO I GOT AN APARTMENT IN THE STATES TO KEEP AN EYE ON YA AND IF I SEE ANYMORE RABBLE ROUSING I SNAP OF A BRANCH OF YE NEIGHBOR'S KIWI TREE AND BEAT YA OVER THE FUCKIN HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW GET GOING OR YA NEVER BE DA CHAMP! "
The men all get serious and leave as it is............................................GAREA IN AMERICA, THE SEQUEL
Now, lets take at "Santa Hoss"
(Hoss is dressed as Santa and has a line of kids to see)
Hoss: WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?
Kid#1: (scared) I want a Playstation 4
Hoss: NO, HOSS.............................ER SANTA DOESNT LIKE PLAYSTATION. ONLY SEGA GENESIS!!
Kid#1: (crying) I dont know what that is
Hoss: STOP CRYING, YOU GET COAL! GET OFF MY LAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kid #2 (snobby) I want a North Face Fleece, and iPhone6, and a trip to Disney World.
Hoss: (gives the kid a $10) YOU WIN A TRIP TO THE ICE CREAM STAND TO GET SANTA ICE CREAM AND IF YOU DONT COME BACK IN FIVE MINUTES THE ONLY THING I WILL LEAVE UNDERNEATH YOUR TREE IS YOUR TEETH
Kid #2's Dad: Now Santa, you know that ice cream is bad for you. How about we get you a Kale, Banana, and spinach smoothie from the Health Shack?
Hoss: (more pissed than usual and rises from his chair) SANTA DOESNT EAT HEALTHFOOD (picks up Dad and chokeslams him down)
Kid #2 (Comes back with ice cream) What happened to my dad?
Hoss: (grabs ice cream) HE INTERRUPTED ICE CREAM TIME!!!!!!!!!!! (Hoss looks down and takes dad's wallet and pulls out credit card and hands it to the kid) SANTA SAID SINCE YOU WERE A GOOD GIRL AND GOT HOSS...........ER SANTA CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES INSTEAD OF THAT RAINBOW SHIT YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Kid #2: (Smiling) Thanks Santa! (Dad is not moving as bystanders are too scared to call 911)
Merry Christmas from the BoD!!!
BoD World Heavyweight Championship Match
Jobber w/ Job Mob vs. The Fuj
The champ is hungover as fuck as the Job Mob do not look any better. Fuj takes control of the match but Jobber ducks out for a breather. Fuj chases after him but the Job Mob stand in his way. Fuj jaws with them as the champ now sneaks around and grabs his belt in an attempt to go leave and he heads up the ramp but Jef Vinson comes out and Jobber is shocked! Vinson backs Jobber down the ramp then rolls him into the ring. Vinson then gets ordered back by White Coat Security. Fuj comes back inside and hammers away. Jobber tries to leave but Fuj pulls him back inside. Fuj drags Jobber in the middle of the ring and tries for the ankle lock but Big Dirty Murph runs in for the DQ as he whacks Jobber with a Haliburton. The Job Mob attack Fuj as Jobber sneaks through the crowd getting pelted by garbage as Vinson runs out again but the arena goes dark. When the lights come back on, the Job Mob are laid out as the Riverdale Covenant are standing in the ring. The former Gosh Hopkins, now Robert Davis, along with Nebb 28 are wheeling out someone. They pull off the tarp and its revealed as GM Bayless! And now Vinson's Valet joins him as they are waived to the ring. And I think the GM is going to get 5 minutes alone with the Valet!!!!!! Pee Wee ties up Bayless's hand and the Valet is in now, stretching out. Hot Dog rings the bell as the Valet boots the GM in the nuts! Ouch!!!!!! The Valet continues to destroy Bayless as the camera shows us the GM's office and someone behind the chair. The chair swings around and it is Archie Stackhouse!!!!!!! He lights a piece of paper on fire and blows it out before wishing the GM a Merry Christmas.
MERRY CHRISTMAS BoD!!!!!