Monday, December 8, 2014

The PG Era Rant: the 2014 Slammy Awards!

The PG Era Rant for the 77th Annual Slammy Awards, December 8, 2014. Would Michael Cole lie to us?

Live from Greenville, SC.

Your hosts are Cole, JBL, and Lawler on Raw; Byron and A-Ry on the Pre-Show; Renee Young and Booker T on the Pre-Show Stage; and Seth Green on the stage.


Pre-Show award winners (an asterisk means the award was presented live):

  • Insult of the Year: The Rock toward Rusev/Lana*
  • Fan Chant: “You Sold Out”
  • Double-Cross: Seth Rollins
  • Animal of the Year: The Bunny
  • Best Actor: The Rock
  • Tag Team of the Year: The Usos*
  • Who's NXT: Sami Zayn
  • Anti-Gravity: Seth Rollins, Payback
  • Faction: The Shield
  • Best on Twitter: Dolph Ziggler
  • Breakout Star: Dean Ambrose* (absent)
  • Guest Host: Hugh Jackman
  • Couple: Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella
  • Rivalry: Daniel Bryan v. The Authority
  • Hashtag: #RKOOuttaNowhere* (accepted by Seth Rollins)

Tonight's main event is John Cena against Big Show.

Jerry Lawler introduces Seth Green to host. I need to get that cover of Muscle & Fitness Lawler says Green's on. Seth says that unlike other predetermined awards shows (I just got crushed by 400 lbs of irony), this is YOUR show. Miz and Sandow interrupt the opening remarks to ask to be in Green's next project. Green, however, prefers Sandow. All this sets up the “This Is Awesome” moment, with nominees Occupy Raw, Stephanie's arrest, Sting sends the Authority packing, and the Hogan/Austin/Rock beer summit. Voting continues on the WWE App until after this match.

Dolph Ziggler v. Seth Rollins. Rollins kicks Dolph down to start, but Dolph launches Rollins to the apron and dropkicks him to the floor as we go to break.

For the record, I think the right number is 64 based on what Scott posted for 1987. Then again, the WWWF/WWF/WWE began in 1963, so the maximum is... why am I thinking about this? Anyway, those two being out here means it's likely the Authority end is in the lead.

Ziggler/Rollins, continued. Rollins stands over Dolph, but a slugfest breaks out before Rollins gets a kneelift. Rollins with elbow smashes and a running kick for two, then we go to the chinlock. Crowd is loudly behind Dolph, which rallies him into getting a jawbreaker. Rollins airballs a Stinger Splash, but Dolph doesn't, and he follows with a Rude Awakening and Heart Attack Elbow for two. Sky High DDT is blocked, and Rollins goes for the buckle bomb, but Dolph with a sunset flip for two. Superkick misses, but the Sky High DDT doesn't, getting Dolph two. The two duck kicks, but Rollins gets an apron enzuigiri. He goes up, but Dolph meets him there. Rollins goes for the Murderdeathkill powerbomb, but Dolph backdrops him off. Joey Mercury shoves Dolph down, and the Curbstomp ends it at 7:24. This didn't need a commercial break mid-match. **

And your winner of the This Is Awesome moment of the year is: Sting's debut! Then again, Sting isn't here, but a ticked-off Rollins is, chasing Seth Green away. Rollins says Sting cost him the biggest win of his career and is solely responsible for eliminating the Authority. Rollins accepts on Sting's behalf because Rollins believes he deserves it more.

The New Day pose by the Slammy statues AS a Slammy statue. Funny stuff. Kofi's up next.

Occupy Raw was robbed.

We review some of the awards from earlier.

Kofi Kingston v. Stardust. The two trade hammerlocks to start, with Stardust getting the advantage. Kofi kicks away, but misses a blind crossbody and Stardust with a springboard Binoic Elbow. He stomps away by the ropes before raking the eyes. Kofi fights back, but a short elbow by Stardust leads to a chinlock. Hairpull slam keeps Stardust in charge, but Kofi with a kip-up rana (!!). He stops a blind charge and begins the comeback, ending with a new variation on the Boom Drop. Running knee in the corner and Kofi goes up, and the frog crossbody ends it at 2:57. *1/4

Johnny Ace introduces the nominees for Surprise Return of the year, but first he wants People Power back. Your nominees are: Hulk Hogan, Batista, The Rock, and Ultimate Warrior. Voting is underway! And here's how you get the WWE App (I thought we were done with this). Winner to be named after the break.

So the Game of War ads are just Evony ads in live-action, right?

And the Surprise Return of the Year is: Ultimate Warrior! They play a video tribute to him.

Backstage, Seth Rollins thanks security for letting him do everything, but Paul Heyman finds him. Heyman's here to accept all the Slammys for Brock Lesnar. They remind us that if Seth Rollins beats John Cena (Seth: “IF?”), Cena is no longer on tap to face Brock Lesnar. Does that make Rollins next? He does have the briefcase, and therefore can face the champ whenever he wants. And when Rollins decides to do it, no one will see it coming. Heyman, though, has a rebuttal: Brock Lesnar may as well be Champion for Life. Rollins can still be the future of the WWE – which was obvious from the day Rollins took out Lesnar at Night of Champions – but John Cena, not Brock Lesnar, is the one in the way. If Rollins wants to be the future, he must make John Cena the past. Rollins is hyped.

We get a look at NXT Women's Champion Charlotte, who... is out for a match!? Hey now, that's next!

I believe this makes Ultimate Warrior the first posthumous winner of a Slammy.

NXT Match: Charlotte v. Natalya. This is essentially an ad for NXT R-Evolution. Charlotte's WHOO is as good as Ric's. Natlaya cheks with Tyson, so Charlotte jumps her from behind and attacks. Shoulder thrusts in the corner, but charges hit elbow and Natalya gets a sleeper. Package jawbreaker by Charlotte gets two. Mounted punches by Charlotte, but Natalya slaps her and reverses a kick block to a leglock, which Charlotte in turn reverses to a chinlock. Natalya runs into a CHOP, then dedicates the next one to Kidd. Flair kneedrop gets two. Another one hits, but Natalya takes advantage of some stalling and tries a Sharpshooter. Charlotte reverses to a figure-four try, but Natalya with the inside cradle for the pin at 2:30. Tyson Kidd celebrates like he won. Way too short, but Charlotte looks like she could fit in. 3/4*

Presenting the OMG Shocking Moment is... wait for it... Santino Marella. Crowd is underwhelmed. And no, Luke Harper taking a shower doesn't as a shocking moment. And before you ask, yes, the Cobra is helping present. Your nominees: Seth's double-cross, Nikki Bella crushes her sister, a children's choir taunts John Cena, and the Streak ends. Go vote!

At NXT, Charlotte and Natalya were given 15 minutes and stole the show. They get to Raw and it's a 2-minute match that is background to Tyson Kidd. As a fan of women's wrestling, all I can say is Kevin Dunn delenda est. I mean, would 5 or 6 minutes kill them?

And it goes without saying that winner of the Shocking Moment of the year is: Brock Lesnar! Paul Heyman accepts on Brock's behalf and says very little.

And now, we hear instead from Bray Wyatt. He talks about meeting Sister Abigail for the first time – she was sitting in a rocking chair, the same chair Bray Wyatt used, and the same chair Dean Ambrose destroyed last week. He says Ambrose destroyed a piece of Bray Wyatt by taking an irreplaceable part of Wyatt. So Wyatt had to get even by taking something from Dean – his voice, on SmackDown. “Does that shock you? Does that frighten you?” Bray is a monster, he's fear incarnate, and he despises everyone. He sees them only as moths drawn to his flame, and people will be burned. And this Sunday, he will bring hellfire from the ladder, conquering Dean Ambrose and looking down at his mangled body as the world is not allowed to cry. Ambrose deserves it all, that's why. It comes in Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. (Oh my.)

But wait! An ambulance pulls up to the arena... and out steps Dean Ambrose! He's got a neck brace but is otherwise healthy. And he has a table in the back of the ambulance, as well as ladders and chairs, which he throws onto the ramp. And then, to make a point, he yanks off the neck brace. He carries the ladder and chair to the ring, but Bray Wyatt is not backing down. Ambrose throws everything into the ring, including the ladder into Wyatt, then gets more toys and chucks them onto Bray. In the ring, he sets up the table, but Bray bails out (not unjustifiably so, mind you). Ambrose even offers himself onto the table for Bray to get back in, then when Bray tries, he pegs Wyatt with a chair.

Cole: “What is wrong with Ambrose?”
JBL: “Is there anything right with Ambrose?”

Dean takes the mic – his voice has fully recovered – and promises he'll put Bray in the ambulance. With weapons, Ambrose is the monster, and he promises to eat the Eater of Worlds.

Seth Green returns (still pumped up over Dean's antics) and introduces Jerry Lawler to go over the Diva of the Year nominees: Brie Bella, Paige, AJ Lee, and Nikki Bella. Voting continues on the App.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Dean Ambrose is the modern Roddy Piper. Stuff like laying on the table begging for Bray to attack proves it. He's got that vibe.

And the Diva of the Year is: AJ Lee! (The four Divas were waiting together backstage and got photobombed by Titus O'Neil for no reason.) She's happy that she has redefined “Diva” – you no longer have to be girly. She hopes next year the winner is an NXT alumna (she names them all), because they're next in line for the throne... but AJ is still queen, and will be Divas' Champion again.

Renee Young interviews John Cena. He talks about how Vince said people need to step up, and how Seth Rollins was offended and will make a statement on Sunday... but first, he has to face someone who thought he stepped up, but proved to be a puppet. First, he's a puppet for HHH, then for Seth Rollins. And on Sunday, a tables match – which can end instantly. Seth doesn't to pin or submit John Cena (which is good, because he can't); but if he puts Cena through a table, Seth steps up and Cena may have to step down. Champions wins big matches, so it's go big or go home for Cena. He's going to show the world tonight instead of tell by slamming Big Show, and then he'll step up on Seth Rollins. If people think he's done, bring your lunch, because this Sunday, the “spineless, gutless little SOB” goes through a table.

I dunno what's wrong with Cena, but even when he delivers on interviews, it sounds redundant. And while that seems to work with Hogan and Rock, it's not working here. It just shows he's one step below those guys – but we all are in the business.

Erick Rowan v. Luke Harper. Luke Harper brings a ladder with him for grins. It's a slugfest to start, with Rowan getting the better of it with headbutts. Avalanche in the corner, but Harper returns with a dropkick for one. Stomps and Gator Roll, into a chinlock. Rowan breaks out, but walks into a superkick for two. Rowan backdrops out of a powerbomb and unloads with clotheslines and another Avalanche. Full nelson slam gets two. Harper kicks Rowan away and bails, but Rowan follows to the outside only for Harper to use the ladder for the DQ at 2:03. 1/2*

Harper leaps off the steps, but straight into a forearm shiver by Rowan, who sends him into the stairs with a fireman's carry drop. Rowan tosses the stairs into the ring, but Harper catches him only to get tossed. Harper eats stairs and bails.

Backstage, Naomi is celebrating the Usos' Slammy win from earlier. Jimmy and Naomi get cute, but Naomi reveals that she heard from Miz's agent. The agent is real, but Jimmy doesn't buy it. Whatever the case, Naomi has a screen test later this week. Jimmy will come along because he doesn't trust Miz, but Naomi takes this as a personal affront because that makes perfect sense, right?

Adam Rose and company come out for LOL Moment of the Year. Are Rose and Bunny getting along this week? Rose wishes he was hosting (he mutters that the people in charge are clueless) before presenting our nominess: Mr. T's Hall of Fame speech, WeeLC, Damien Sandow's copycat act, and Vickie Guerrero dunking Stephanie. App vote time!

Um... why wouldn't Naomi want Jimmy with her for the screen test ANYWAY? I mean, it just makes sense that you'd want your husband there for moral support. Instead, she takes his desire to be with her as offensive. How does this make sense?

Before we reveal the winner, here's some more awards from earlier.

And the winner for funniest moment of the year is: Damien San^H^H^HMizdow! Needless to say, Miz shoves Sandow out of the way and does his speech for him. Crowd: “WE WANT MIZDOW!” Miz: “Yes, you want Miz now!” Miz then finally gives credit to the person who deserves it the most: his face.

Rusev and Lana head to the ring as we learn Rusev/Swagger III is on for TLC for the US Title. No stipulations, which doesn't bode well for the challenger. Lana says the real funniest moment is everything about America. Oh, and shut up. But the real joke is the Real Americans. This, needless to say, brings Jack Swagger out on his own with a mic. Jack says what goes around, comes around. He promises to break Rusev's ankle to get even for Colter's leg, and the war is on! Rusev sends Swagger into the barricade, but Rusev misses the superkick and hits the barricade instead, hurting the ankle!Swagger slams him ankle-first into the barricade. This of course leads to the Patriot Lock, and Rusev taps! (Once, but still.) Officials have to yank Swagger away. Crowd begins a We The People chant as Swagger tries to drag five refs with him to get to a hurting Rusev.

WE THE PEOPLE. Also, Jack – I love you and all and you've got a great act, but there's a reason they gave you Dutch as a manager. Swagger sounded like he was about to forget his lines and wanted to get them out before he got caught up in the moment.

The New Day will face the Dust Brothers on the TLC(S) Pre-Show.

The Usos and Ryback v. Kane, The Miz, and Damien Sandow. Seth Green joins commentary and is a fan of Sandow. Kane and Ryback start, with Kane getting a headbutt. Ryback with a Thesz press and mat slams, followed by the Stupid Splash for one. Kane clubs away on Ryback and slams him as the crowd wants Sandow. Ryback with a diving shoulder tackle for one, and Jimmy comes in with an axhandle to the arm. Jey in, and he gets a sunset flip try, but Kane pulls him away and nails an uppercut. But first, Seth Green takes a selfie. Miz in with a headlock takedown. Miz knocks over Jey, but Jey recovers with a hiptoss and headlock takedown of his own. (Sandow is imitating everything Miz does, as always.) Miz with a kick in the corner, and he and Sandow show off (crowd is on Sandow's side). Jey avoids a whip and chops away, which brings Sandow in to chop himself. Jey suplexes Miz (and Sandow by proxy), then tosses Miz (and Sandow by proxy) as we go to break.

The real issue's going to be how things go when Sandow eventually gets tired and fights for himself. It's been noted by a few of my friends that it's all fun until he gets in the ring, and there might be a reason they're keeping him on the sidelines.

#6ManTag, continued. Kane has Jey in a chinlock. In a related note, I can finally tell the two Usos apart. Jey escapes with a jawbreaer as we find out Ryback did a stalling suplex on Miz (and Sandow by proxy) during the break. Kane cuts off the hot tag and brings in Miz. Miz taunts Jimmy, but Jey tries to fight back only to get hit with the Million Dollar Move. Miz stomps away and knocks Jimmy off the apron before keeping Jey from Ryback. Unsuccessfully, it turns out, as Ryback gets in and goes to town on Miz. Spinebuster, Kane saves. The Usos run into Kane's goozle but escape and superkick Kane out. Jey dives onto Kane, leaving Jimmy with Miz. Miz sends Jimmy out, but turns around into the Meathook and Shell Shock for the pin at 9:57. Sandow writhes in pain alongside Miz while Seth Green tries to raise Ryback's hand. Emphasis on tries. So the Usos hoist Green on their shoulders. Perfectly acceptable six-man. *3/4

We go back to the first ever Slammy Awards in 1986. And to think we're up to 77 now. Of course, they got to 37 by the next year, so who's counting?

Ricky Steamboat comes out to present for Match of the Year. Steamboat goes over his Matches of the Year before presenting the nominees. Your nominees are: WM30's main event; Cena/Wyatt Last Man Standing; Shield/Evolution I at Extreme Rules; and the Authority's Last Stand at Survivor Series. Begin voting now, and after this break, we'll announce the winner.

Hm. I had these matches at ****3/4, ****1/4, ****1/2, and ****1/4 respectively. So that should tell you where my vote went.

Next week, Raw and SmackDown are live, as is the Tribute to the Troops! And yes, I'll be recapping the Tribute live, assuming I remember.

But first, the Match of the Year is: Cena/Authority! And to accept the award, Dolph Ziggler. Steamboat shares some private but hopefully kind words with Dolph. Dolph promises he's going to build on that moment. He did what everyone else would do – entertain with all his heart when jobs were on the line. The Slammy truly belongs to the fans!

AJ Lee v. Summer Rae. Summer pats AJ on the head and shoves her down. This irks AJ, who unloads with a Thesz Press but walks into a wheelbarrow slam for two. Hammer Throw and spinkick gets two. Leg choke against the middle rope and she gets a seated cobra clutch. “Diva of the Year, huh?” She slams AJ down for two, and back to the cobra clutch. Crowd chants for the most over Diva, inspiring AJ to put on the Black Widow for the submission at 2:19. Summer Rae continues to be awful. DUD

And in a surprise return, Rob Van Dam is back to present the nominees for Extreme Moment. Fun bit as his chyron appears on the screen, but without his name on it. RVD says it couldn't be anyone else. The nominees are: Brock Lesnar gives John Cena ALL the German suplexes; Kane Tombstones Daniel Bryan three times in a row; Chris Jericho dives off the cage onto Bray Wyatt; Seth Rollins puts Dean Ambrose through “cinderblocks”.

You know, now that I'm thinking of it, that Rollins/Ambrose street fight deserved to be a Match of the Year contender.

But, your Extreme Moment of the year is: Chris Jericho off the cage! But rather than get Jericho, we get Fandango to accept on his behalf. He thanks Chris for losing to him in his debut match.

Saint Mick and Noelle give us more WWEShop stuff. (A replica Slammy goes to Al Snow, because of course it does.)

Renee Young is with Big Show. Show promises that he'll be focused tonight. He's still mad that the fans won't forgive his mistake. But what he does to John Cena tonight isn't a mistake. He'll knock John Cena out, and then take care of Erick Rowan, who's out of his league. The mistakes are theirs, not Show's.

So who do you suppose Scotty from Orlando is that was getting the Macho Man DVD? Scotty Taylor? Scott Hall? Raven? Discuss if you want.

More pre-show Slammy recapping.

And now, Booker T will present Superstar of the Year. Your nominees are: Brock Lesnar, Dean Ambrose, Daniel Bryan, Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, John Cena, and Seth Rollins. VOTE! DO IT! DO IT NAOUGHW!

In kayfabe, this is easy: Brock Lesnar. But that's not how you decide the vote.

Chris Jericho will be your guest authority figure next week in Detroit.

And the Superstar of the Year is: Roman Reigns! And he's here to accept in person! And not via satellite, as he himself notes. “It's not the brass ring, but it's pretty damn good, and I love it.” He says he doesn't care who is at the top of the stairs, he's going to step up to them. Believe that.

I didn't buy into the hype before, but if that Slammy voting is legit, then I'll get behind Roman Reigns as Royal Rumble winner.

Main event: John Cena v. Big Show. We review the punch by Big Show at Survivor Series for what feels like the 100th time. Show with a shot to the gut to start, then works over him in the corner. HASHTAG. Hammer Throw on Cena, and Show just stands over him. CHOP OF DEATH misses, and Cena tries to fight back, but he bounces off of Big Show on a shoulderblock. Show walks over Cena. Big slam follows, then an elbowdrop for two. Repeated kicks to the gut follow, then the CHOP OF DEATH connects. Avalanche misses, and Cena gets a DDT. Cena runs into a Bravo Side Slam for two. Show kicks Cena around, then dominates a slugfest and clubs Cena down. Cena kicks Show away, but leaps into a bearhug. Cena breaks it, then escapes a chokeslam into a sleeper. Show drops to one knee, but he snapmares to break. Cena goes for tackles that stagger Show, then ducks the KO Punch and lands a back suplex. Five Knuckle Shuffle follows, but Show catches him with the goozle. Cena escapes the chokeslam again, and he gets the AA for the pin at... no, for Seth Rollins to race in for the DQ at 5:40. You're protecting BIG SHOW? 1/2*

Rollins, Noble, and Mercury beat the tar out of Cena before Rollins gets a ladder and Noble and Mercury get a table. Rollins climbs the ladder, threatening a Curbstomp off of it, when Dolph Ziggler races in and tips the ladder over. Rollins bails, and security gets destroyed. Big Show recovers and knocks Dolph and Cena both out, but this brings out Erick Rowan. Rowan is caught from behind by Luke Harper, allowing a double-team that sends Rowan into the stairs. Crowd wants Ryback. Show chokeslams Rowan off the stairs (seriously, he bounced), and now here comes Ryback. He sends Show into the post, then Meathooks Harper in the ring. Table is set up, and Harper's the target, but while Harper's up for Shell Shock, Kane appears and goes nuts with a chair on Ryback. Dolph returns and is caught by Show, but he escapes a chokeslam and superkicks Show repeatedly until the giant's out. Harper then wheelbarrow slams Dolph through the table, so Cena AA's Harper only to get Curbstomped by Rollins. He calls for help from security as he clears the announce table, and he wants to make an example of Cena. It's the Shieldbomb to Cena through the announce table. Rollins taunts Cena's body to end as the heels stand tall.

Why in heaven's name couldn't that match just end with a clean finish?

HOW I'D BOOK IT:

  1. New Day beats the Dust Brothers when Kofi pins Goldust.
  2. Miz and Damien Sandow beat the Usos when Sandow pins Jey (after Jimmy chases Miz off, Sandow decides against imitating the chasing and in favor of winning the match).
  3. Erick Rowan pins Big Show with help from the stairs.
  4. United States Champion Rusev defeats Jack Swagger by disqualification when Swagger uses Zeb Colter's crutch as a weapon, leading to a future cage match.
  5. Ryback pins Kane with the help of chairs.
  6. Dolph Ziggler claims the title from Luke Harper to regain the Intercontinental Title.
  7. John Cena puts Seth Rollins through a table to go to the Royal Rumble.
  8. Nikki Bella defeats AJ Lee with interference by Brie, leading to a triple threat match at the Rumble.
  9. Dean Ambrose pins Bray Wyatt in the TLC match.

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 32:50 over seven matches
BEST MATCH: Rollins/Dolph
WORST MATCH: AJ/Summer
NIGHT MVP: Roman Reigns

No rating.

Matt Perri does Main Event. Tommy Hall does SmackDown. Scott Keith does 1996. Logan Scisco does 1998. Zanatude pokes Southern States Wrestling with a stick. And you provide the discussion.

And the Slammy for Recapper of the Year goes to... Brian Bayless? I want a recount! Our e-fed is not a recap!!


143 comments:

  1. Shit, I missed the main.


    Was Cena able to lift the giant?

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  2. How does Jack Swagger become someone's favourite wrestler?

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  3. They jobbed Charlotte to Nattie in 2:30.

    Fuck these guys.

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  4. A bunch of other wrestlers die/retire?

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  5. John Cena v. Big Show main event?


    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. These guys.

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  6. kbwrestlingreviewsDecember 8, 2014 at 9:33 PM

    Rollins can take a clean pin to Ryback on Smackdown, but Kane and Big Show are always being saved by the run-in. I'd pay to hear the meetings where these decisions are made.

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  7. It's just my taste. I never said I had perfect taste, but honestly, it's because I see a lot of potential in his face run, because he has had great theme music, because I have a soft spot for mechanics, and because I think he can be a longtime fixture in WWE.

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  8. I'm just curious how out of all the guys in WWE, you picked him.

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  9. 32:50 out of 193 minutes or so.


    FUCK!

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  10. I just got paid $17500 working off my computer this month. And if you think that's cool, my friend has twin toddlers and made over 18k his first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less. Anyone can make money easily from this

    website....... www.netcash40.com

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  11. Sweet deal sign me up

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  12. I've heard a couple of them. They consistently are interrupted by a huge snorting sound from Vince's direction before he makes a decision. Then Vince says something while sounding loopy.

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  13. Bray and Ambrose aren't going on last.

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  14. 'In
    kayfabe, this is easy: Brock Lesnar. But that's not how you decide
    the vote.'

    But the winner was kayfabe

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  15. So do you really think Roman Reigns didn't win legitimately? I'm not saying you're wrong, but I won't say you're right, either.

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  16. There is no chance in heck he legitimately beat Bryan and Cena

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  17. Watch the first Half Hour via West Coast replay. Saw Sting won the first award over Rock/Austin/Hogan. Spit out my pop and unplugged my TV.

    About to read the recap.

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  18. kbwrestlingreviewsDecember 8, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    It's also very convenient that WWE would fly him in just for the chance he wins in a huge upset. I don't buy it as legit either.

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  19. Yeah, there are times like this I think the voting is rigged. Reigns has had what, maybe three interviews since he went down in September?


    Although, how large of a margin did he win the vote by? Or did they not show the results?

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  20. Of course they didn't show the results.

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  21. CruelConnectionNumber2December 8, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    Rollins nabbed 6 Slammys, damn.

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  22. Eh, it's how I'd book it, not how they would.

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  23. CruelConnectionNumber2December 8, 2014 at 10:02 PM

    Rocky Maivia (who was wrestling Sal Sincere and having * star matches with HHH) won New Sensation (Rookie of the Year) over Steve Austin (who was having **** 1/2 classics with Bret and was the most over person in the company) in March 1997.

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  24. CruelConnectionNumber2December 8, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    Yes they are.

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  25. God this sounds awful. Why would anyone sit through this shit live?

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  26. they have to protect those 20-year veterans from looking bad

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  27. Its was a mildly botched finish too. Nattie went for the Sharpshooter, Charlotte reversed into the Figure Four, then leaned in for Nattie to small package her, but Nattie was slow in grabbing her, so Charlotte basically hooked Nattie's head and rolled herself into the small package.

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  28. It's the Slammys. Of course it was.


    They really need to make the Slammys a WWE Network exclusive and leave Raw to building up the TLC show that they usually have six days later.

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  29. It felt less than that, with much of the action either happening right at the end of matches or afterwards. It was literally 10-15 minute stretches of inaction, with 30 second bursts of action in between. And so many commercials.

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  30. The crowd was so quiet at times you might mistakenly think the fans were all Japanese.

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  31. At least AJ still got hers; I didn't see the speech (or the show) but giving dap to the awesome NXT ladies was an awesome move. That girl gets it.

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  32. Dull doesn't even begin to describe this show. Isn't this the time of the year when the shows start getting better usually?

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  33. Was last year's show where they had the ascension ceremony that ended in that wild brawl?

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  34. Wouldn't it be smarter to hold the Slammys AFTER the last PPV of the year? Not as much pressure to have a "go home" show and you could start new feuds based on the show.

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  35. I like Roman just fine but this is getting ridiculous. If they don't tone this down there really is gonna be a Batista-level revolt after the Rumble.

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  36. Yeah. The only reason I stuck around to the end on this show was in hopes that something interesting like that might happen again.

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  37. "DIE ROMAN DIE!"

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  38. There's no way; you can't appreciate how big the Big Show is unless you see him in person.

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  39. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 8, 2014 at 11:07 PM

    Fantastic job Bayless, marked out for team Ice Cream, and man did you make me a face in pearl.
    I feel like Magoonie might not be around much longer.

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  40. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 8, 2014 at 11:14 PM

    I'd rather be at a Japanese wrestling show, at least the in ring product would be better.

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  41. Virgil's Gimmick TableDecember 8, 2014 at 11:15 PM

    I don't know if I see that happening until he gets in front of the smark crowd at WrestleMania. I think it will be more like WrestleMania X, where the crowd didn't hate Luger (Roman) but they were chanting "WE WANT BRET!" (Bryan) in the weeks leading up to it.

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  42. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 8, 2014 at 11:15 PM

    Now that has a better ring to it than Die Rocky Die.

    ReplyDelete
  43. It doesn't help that the Rumble is in Philly next year.

    ReplyDelete
  44. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 8, 2014 at 11:16 PM

    Or at least have himself carry 2 then have Noble and Mercury carry 2 as well.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Virgil's Gimmick TableDecember 8, 2014 at 11:17 PM

    His hands are like baseball mitts!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 8, 2014 at 11:18 PM

    More like the size of typewriters!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Virgil's Gimmick TableDecember 8, 2014 at 11:18 PM

    No, that's only the German crowd. They're saying "The Roman, The".

    ReplyDelete
  48. Virgil's Gimmick TableDecember 8, 2014 at 11:18 PM

    Maybe even a honey baked ham!

    ReplyDelete
  49. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 8, 2014 at 11:20 PM

    That's what I'm saying, they did that in 2009 and 2012, yet 08, 10, 11, 13, and 14 were on the go home show.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Philly isn't a smark crowd?

    ReplyDelete
  51. Stranger in the Alps REVEALED!December 8, 2014 at 11:31 PM

    So holy shit. The White Sox sign David Robertson and picked up Jeff Samardzija. So let's count the A's losses this offseason:


    Josh Donaldson
    Brandon Moss
    Jon Lester
    Jeff Samardzija


    Who did they pick up:


    Brett Lawrie
    Ike Davis
    Billy Butler


    The scales are heavily in favor of WTF Billy Beane.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Virgil's Gimmick TableDecember 8, 2014 at 11:34 PM

    They've had their balls chopped off. Not anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I remember the crowd being pretty great for Money in the Bank last year.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Just a reminder: ECW embraced Sid in 1999. It's darn near impossible to predict Philadelphia, and they wouldn't have it any other way.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I've seen enough Japanese wrestling matches now that I'm no longer a complete botard about them, but that silence STILL trips me out.

    ReplyDelete
  56. "Don't forget to subscribe to the Network!"

    ReplyDelete
  57. No one how speaks German could be evil.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Adam "Colorado" CurryDecember 9, 2014 at 12:08 AM

    Or Lesnar, for that matter.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Bearne of the early 2000s was like Vince running with every hot idea in the Attitude Era.


    Current Beane is like current Vince, who the fuck knows at this point. I know he got burned badly by cashing in his chips last summer, but it seems to have broken in half, as God as my witness.

    ReplyDelete
  60. So Vince and Beane peaked at the same time and valleyed at the same time?

    ReplyDelete
  61. Adam "Colorado" CurryDecember 9, 2014 at 12:16 AM

    This sounds worse than terrible. Just reading this it's obvious that the production of this show needs a complete overhaul, never mind the booking. Only 2 matches go longer than 6 minutes, one of which has both the fucking Miz and Kane, and both have commercials? Fuck this shit, and fuck Reigns winning wrestler of the year when he was by far and away the least deserving, both kayfabe and otherwise.

    ReplyDelete
  62. "It was like the fans were all Chinese!" - Vince McMahon

    ReplyDelete
  63. So Fandango goes from a mockery reaction to no reaction whatsoever. Yet we'll see him every week. :)

    ReplyDelete
  64. HUUUUUUGE main event, get it?

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  65. Parts of this show felt like they were hustling through current storylines and giving away matches that could've been PPV matches: Ziggler vs. Rollins, Cena vs. Show, Harper vs. Rowan are all matches you could've put on PPV coming off the Survivor Series plot. But throwing them out there tonight tells me that after TLC they're starting a fresh set of stories for Royal Rumble, which is good.
    How I'd book Sunday:
    New Day beats Goldust & Stardust
    Miz & Sandow beat The Usos (their feud continues into next month due to Miz's "agent" trying to put Naomi in "adult entertainment.")

    ReplyDelete
  66. Of course the voting is rigged. Otherwise they wouldn't have envelopes to announce the winners. And Roman Reigns wouldn't travel from wherever he is (Texas?) to South Carolina because he MIGHT win a Slammy.

    ReplyDelete
  67. It's insane that a 3-hour long show would have such short matches. I always figured that the extra hour would be PERFECT for the occasional pushing of lower guys, or a new division or something. Instead, they just make the same RAWs last for an extra hour.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Shitty workers can still be cheered in ECW (look at Public Enemy)- they respond highly to bad-assedness. And Sid, for all his flaws, had no issue looking like a crazy bad-ass motherfucker.

    ReplyDelete
  69. [Zanatude sits, busily shining his championship belts.]

    Z: See the big picture. Live to fight another day. Because the OFFICIAL!...BoD Six Man Tag Team Champions...IS HERE!

    [Fade out.]

    ReplyDelete
  70. It's exciting watching the Zanatude movement in its infancy...like The Rock, completely upstaging his Nation breathen.

    Um...I mean, hi jobber! Let me get those bags for you...

    ReplyDelete
  71. PTT!
    PTT!
    WINS ON TECH-NI-CAL-I-TY!

    ReplyDelete
  72. I just noticed that WWE.com actually has a power ranking list (http://www.wwe.com/inside/power-rankings/power-rankings-dec-6-2014). Not sure if they've been doing it for awhile now or if it's a new thing. If creative knew what they're doing then they could actually book matches based on the rankings (what an innovative concept!) instead of starting dumb random feuds over Twitter.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Do you REALLY want to see Swagger vs Rusev again in a cage match? You'd think you would want something better for your favorite wrestler than being Rusov's bitch again.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Which is why you should do raw again. Your misery is our happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  75. I remember first seeing that in like 2005 or 2006 so they've been doing it for a long while.

    ReplyDelete
  76. This is wayyyyy to much work for 30 comments.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Is anyone really surprised about Reigns? I dont have a problem with him like the others but you'd think they'd learn their lesson from Rocky Maivia and Batista and kinda be subtle about it. Orton, Bryan, and punk all have had chants for them in their absence. Has Reigns? The wwe is killing the guy and their too stupid to realize it.

    ReplyDelete
  78. The Slammy winners list is lol city. Reigns and the Survivor series match, lolwat.

    And A New Day is offensively bad.

    ReplyDelete
  79. And the weird thing, to me...Is this. Even if you DO fake the thing, you at least have all of the data for what the app fans want. So you think you could take that actual data and book accordingly. But I really doubt that they do that.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Who cares? If the non-wrestling action and angles are good...

    You can't complain that there are too many wrestling shows on tv ("3 hour RAW is too much") when you complain then, that there is not enough wrestling in them ("only 30 minute wrestling is not enough for a 3 hour show"). So what do you want?!

    ReplyDelete
  81. "but we all are in the business."



    No, they all are, you're not fucking anything in the business. Jesus Andy, this is why people hate you.


    Otherwise, Dean Ambrose couldn't sell a chair to the throat for longer than a weekend? He gets to break Wyatt's chair, turn Bray into a weeping mess and he won't sell a goddamn crushed trachea? This might be the final straw for me with the Ambrose train. He's not a great worker, his promos are repetitive, his rebel gimmick is about as dangerous as the Fonz and his mannerism are rip-offs of other, better performers.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Jack Swagger, mechanic?


    Where did you learn wrestling terminology?

    ReplyDelete
  83. That's honestly why Seth is my favorite, I think he's legitimately good, but it's mostly because EVERYBODY else left or isn't getting match time cough*Cesaro*cough.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Fuck me, even reading the recap had me reaching for the razor blades.

    ReplyDelete
  85. That Austin podcast was definitive proof of how out of touch Vince is. It was just sad. He's become the old man who doesn't realise the world has changed; he's not even angry about it anymore, he just doesn't understand it.

    ReplyDelete
  86. "If the non-wrestling action and angles are good"



    Bwahahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  87. "Um...
    why wouldn't Naomi want Jimmy with her for the screen test ANYWAY? I
    mean, it just makes sense that you'd want your husband there for
    moral support. Instead, she takes his desire to be with her as
    offensive. How does this make sense?"

    Maybe you've never had a girlfriend, but she clearly feels that her husband doesn't trust her, and that she'll respond to Miz's advances. How does it NOT make sense?

    ReplyDelete
  88. So I watched the first hour and a half then went to bed (again, not related to the show, I enjoyed what I saw). That's the 4th RAW in a row that I have at least partially watched (watched 9.5 of the total 12 hours in those 4 weeks), and I'm sorry, but I don't see a "horrible product". I don't even see a "bad product". It's perfectly acceptable to me.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Agree with you here. This is the best thing they have on tv right now.

    ReplyDelete
  90. NXT is seen as the farm system, aka, still the minor leagues. So a veteran got a small package win over the champ of the farm system. This is no way hurts her. If anything, it looked like Charlotte lost by fluke. No worries here.

    ReplyDelete
  91. What did you like about it? Seth Green? Come on dude, by anyone's standards this was not a good show

    ReplyDelete
  92. I guarantee Roman Reigns is on the cover of WWE16. Funny how his brass ring looks more like a silver spoon.

    ReplyDelete
  93. I'd guess 80/20% in favor of Cena/Rollins going last. At least it would be the 4th PPV in a row where Rollins was either in the last match, or involved in it (NOC run in/attempted cash in)

    ReplyDelete
  94. This was one of those episodes of Raw, where it felt like I had been watching for 4 hours. And then I realized there was another hour left.

    ReplyDelete
  95. It's all those damn millennials on the roster.

    ReplyDelete
  96. The A's have been in the playoffs the past three years. 88, 96, 94 wins the past 3 years.

    ReplyDelete
  97. I won't kill myself trying to convince others, but I honest to god enjoyed it. Ziggler was protected in the loss after a good match, the Sting (probably rigged) slammy win blended perfectly with Rollins leaving the ring, and cuts an angry promo about him, Bray/Ambrose is all kinds of awesome if you ask me, and even though it probably won't last, I always love me a Kofi win. (The crowd did seem to get into the claps and chants near the end of the match).



    It's ok to agree to disagree. I just personally enjoyed it.

    ReplyDelete
  98. A pinfall in a TLC match doesn't feel right

    ReplyDelete
  99. As much as they suck, I think The Slammys usually increase Raw's ratings.

    ReplyDelete
  100. If I were a fan of the A's, I'd be pissed.

    ReplyDelete
  101. It worked for the Shield's debut, so I'm fine with it.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Just trust Jonah Hill.

    ReplyDelete
  103. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 9, 2014 at 5:39 AM

    Of course now the idea of just a chair match sounds like the more logical way to book Wyatt vs Ambrose.

    ReplyDelete
  104. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 9, 2014 at 5:40 AM

    Strangely though, I thought that the first and third hour were the longest, but the second hour breezed by.

    ReplyDelete
  105. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©December 9, 2014 at 5:43 AM

    Trust me, it use to bring in more than just 30.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Batista? You mean his original face turn or his comeback in 2014? His original face turn he was over huge and the crowd was behind the turn the whole time.

    ReplyDelete
  107. That seems... Harsh.... And who says his trachea was crushed? Maybe it was just a minor injury, and he's better now. And besides, you're angry because Ambrose is being advertised as tough?

    ReplyDelete
  108. They could easily have lower card feuds that played out exclusively on tv. Vince says the Cesaros and Ryders need to grab the brass ring so why not feature at least one big match dedicated to keeping the guys, you don't want to use, relevant.

    ReplyDelete
  109. I'm so much more hyped for the NXT special than the TLC show.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Based on their clunky website, it's likely the thing doesn't transmit any data.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Even if he was liked more than the biggest names in the company, what has he done this year? He's been irrelevant since Batista stole his Thunder at the Rumble last year.

    ReplyDelete
  112. I don't want to know how their friend made $18k with their twin toddlers.

    ReplyDelete
  113. I think most of them were rigged, especially the Sting one at the start. Since it clearly was planned for Rollins to hear the announcement while leaving the ring.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Of course, every time Cena needs a boost he picks Big Show up. Big Show is literally paid to be dead weight.

    ReplyDelete
  115. I'm petty happy with my push. Although screwing someone at Survivor Series would be fitting for me. As long as I main event Wrestlemania I'm happy or in going to the place to be podcast to bitch about it.

    ReplyDelete
  116. I hear they are like Frying Pans.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Fun fact: At the 1st house show I went to, it was actually the 1-2-3 Kid that was a lot larger in person than I thought.

    ReplyDelete
  118. MikeyMike, WitnessDecember 9, 2014 at 6:25 AM

    The Survivor Series match was really fucking good. I would have went with Bryan-Orton-Batista given those options but I wasn't mad at the pick.
    And given his win-loss record at PPVs, it kinda does make sense that Roman was superstar of the year. Hopefully next year the Show Off is the Superstar of the Year!

    ReplyDelete
  119. That's because they were too busy shoving Orton down our throat to ruin Batista.

    ReplyDelete
  120. MikeyMike, WitnessDecember 9, 2014 at 6:30 AM

    Disagree

    ReplyDelete
  121. Miz killing it + Reigns making a statement = instant thumbs up for Raw

    ReplyDelete
  122. I'm still shocked anyone outside of Toronto thought that much of Brett Lawrie. I don't know, maybe a natural playing field and competent coaching will help him get to that potential I've spent four years hearing about.

    ReplyDelete
  123. that I agree with. And I know it's cliche, but I did it much earlier than everyone else when I ditched WWE primarily because of Cena and Orton around 2006/early 2007. And the two of them still are mostly channel changers to this day when I watch Raw or a ppv

    ReplyDelete
  124. "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, what's your point Shane?"

    ReplyDelete
  125. Will SHOUTING AT YOU over the internet change your mind? Thought not, ah well. TLC definitely has potential for several good matches, but most matches on NXT have been better built over a longer period of time. Plus the Kevin Owens debut.

    ReplyDelete
  126. But he's soooooooo good lookin.

    ReplyDelete
  127. MikeyMike, WitnessDecember 9, 2014 at 6:36 AM

    TLC has the potential to be the best PPV since Payback.

    ReplyDelete
  128. I wish you actually believed that it was okay to agree to disagree. Instead, when anyone comes out with a specific criticism backed by logic, we get "buried, lulz," "it's okay, no worries," and "WWE can't win, oh well," from you. I have no problem with you liking the show, but the fact that you and Dougie are the only ones with glowing reviews of it might be saying something.

    ReplyDelete
  129. I agree. I don't see why so many people here claim it will be horrible. For a "B" PPV that's basically filler until the Rumble, it's actually very well built.

    ReplyDelete
  130. And in case you can't read between the lines, your responses to others actively belittle both the criticism and the poster. You're not agreeing to do anything else.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonDecember 9, 2014 at 7:06 AM

    *As Vinson catches his breath his valet steps into the ring with the mic in her hand. He grabs mic...taps it to make sure it's on*


    Um, Bayless..bro...brah..broham, don't dash. Don't turn these fu*BEEP* cameras off yet..


    We had an agreement.


    *Reaches into valet's bra and pulls out contract.*


    My squad wins and YOU face my valet in the ring for five minutes with one hand tied behind your back. I TOLD you mouth breathers that he'd bitch up and this not only proves how great I am but that I'm psychic as well.


    Being that you are on the first thing smoking up out of this bitch we're going to see you....next week. When you come in next week to your offices expect to be met by my lawyers so we can talk about something called "breach of contract".


    As you YOU Jobber, you basehead fu*BEEP* You can't dodge this ass-whooping anymore. YOU have something that belongs to me and you've infected it with your retard molecules long enough. No more fake families, TV's or any of this sh*BEEP* I know you're afraid. I see the fear in your eyes as clear as I see the coke in your nose but your fear it not going to stop me from kicking a field goal with your skull and taking back MY belt.


    Update those dental records bitch. You're gonna need them.


    *Drops mic and walks off*

    ReplyDelete
  132. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonDecember 9, 2014 at 7:07 AM

    It's better than RAW.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonDecember 9, 2014 at 7:08 AM

    He's an overrated boxer.*




    * - Denotes sarcasm

    ReplyDelete
  134. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonDecember 9, 2014 at 7:12 AM

    Side note: Since Jamiroquai is in BDSM's group he HAS to wear the hat and use the the moving floor to get to the ring or I'll feel cheated.

    ReplyDelete
  135. AverageJoeEverymanDecember 9, 2014 at 7:13 AM

    ARGH out first. I am so embarrassed by my performance. That is also "what she said".

    ReplyDelete
  136. Gosh Hopkins: Rock KeeperDecember 9, 2014 at 7:41 AM

    (The camera fades in as Gosh Hopkins is sitting in the restaurant bathroom. On the floor around appears to be 63 small pieces of paper on fire. He notices the cameraman and stares him down for a full minute before speaking)

    First, it doesn't surprise me the Gm would hire the kind of pervert who videotapes men in the bathroom. But that's neither here nor there. And it's 50 bucks for the peepshow, freak.

    What I want to address is why I left the Administration. See, I came to the Bod to be a star. Bayless decided to give me a generic name and a meaningless job being a cog in his broken wheel. He gives me a rick to hold and expects me to be grateful to be in the presence of a neutered leader. So I came up with my 63 point plan and did all I could. But he saw my talent and decided to make me the bumbling idiot. NO MORE!

    From now on, Gosh Hopkins is as dead as Bayless's authority over the Bod. From now on I follow the power of the one true master, Archive Stackhouse. Robert Davis resides in Riverdale. And I will bring every member of the Bod not here to hell with me!

    ReplyDelete
  137. As I make my way up the card second elimination in the second match of a major PPV has me saying: "Thank you, bookerman!"

    ReplyDelete
  138. Future BOD tag team champs right here.

    ReplyDelete