The PG Era Rant for Raw, December 15, 2014: or, my eternal quest to enjoy wrestling when booking gets in the way.
Live from Detroit Rock City.
Your hosts are the usual suspects.
- Chris Jericho is in charge tonight.
- And as such, he will have a Highlight Reel with Rusev.
- Dolph Ziggler and Erick Rowan will face Luke Harper and Big Show.
And let's not waste any time; here comes Y2J himself! And his chyron makes a deal out of his Slammy win. There's a joke in here somewhere. Oh, and we show Fandango taking the trophy for him. After the usual glad-handling to start, he reminds us that he's in charge of the show, and he wants to make the show all about the Jerichoholics. He thanks us for awarding him a Slammy. He acknowledges Fandango accepting the award, but he hates that “some hurdy-gurdy horse's ass” has his award. So he's asking Fan-something to come out and hand it over. (Did he say Fandildo? Among other things. Either way, the A's definitely did not breathe.)
But ladies and gentlemen, this other man's name is Paul Heyman. And he's a Jerichoholic, too. He's used to being in power, but not tonight. But, wait, if you want a guest GM for Raw, why not get someone with a track record in charge – like Heyman? No offense, Chris. Sure, Chris accepted the offer and didn't make it, fine, but Heyman still has an issue. How could diving off a cage be the Extreme Moment of the Year? We all know that if it involves “extreme” (Crowd: ECW!), it has to involve the Godfather of Extreme himself. (Heyman imitating Jericho is kinda funny.)
Jericho cuts off Heyman's self promotion to call him a Walrus. Jericho says, yeah, Paul gave him a break in ECW, but he wouldn't pay up. Jericho wants his back pay. Heyman is nervous because he's not a fighter, and tonight he (for once) isn't out to talk about Brock Lesnar; he's out for himself – because he wants time to talk about Seth Rollins failing in his chance to eliminate John Cena from the title match. He wants to talk about Seth Rollins' failure...
...and why waste time? Here's Rollins himself. If Heyman can't wait to see Rollins, well, here he is. He gets in Heyman's face and asks what Heyman had to say. He gets all up in Heyman's personal space, but Heyman backs up to avoid a fight. (Crowd chants for Jamie Noble for some reason.) Rollins says Heyman saw the whole thing – Cena went through a table and Rollins's hand was raised, right? But that victory was taken from him, just like at Survivor Series (before Sting got involved). So that's two big shows in a row where Rollins had it until outside interference – this time, from Roman Reigns. Everyone knows Cena can't beat Rollins alone; he needed help because Rollins is just better. Rollins is sick of Cena talking about his own virtues; Cena's a coward! He knows he can't win without help, and if Cena's a real man, he'll accept this challenge: a rematch.
No, not tonight. He went through hell last night! He's not ready!
Well, it may not be his decision: here comes John Cena to crowd the ring. He goes straight for a mic and storms into the ring. “You shut your mouth, kid... the grown men are in the ring right now.” Cena makes it clear: just because you can talk doesn't mean you have balls. Last night, Cena won. Period. And yet here's Rollins making excuses, which means he's not a real man. A man doesn't whine, he simply keeps fighting. Even if he's in over his head (looking at Heyman). We know at the Rumble it's Cena/Lesnar one last time in a hell of a fight. But he's here for a fight tonight, too. And Seth says he wants a rematch... which is great, because so does Cena. But Seth's right about one thing: Cena needs help. He can't make the match without help. Someone with power has to do it. (Chris Jericho's facial expressions are epic.) Like, say, Chris Jericho? Hey, welcome back!
Jericho makes it clear he does have the power to make matches, and he makes that match. Yes, people are beat up and so on, but too bad. Oh, and it's a cage match. Cena walks off satisfied, but Rollins is furious and takes it out on Jericho, calling him the worst GM ever. Yes, worse than the Anonymous GM. But that's just because Jericho is jealous of Seth Rollins. “You are nothing compared to me.” Jericho's forgotten what it's like to go through hell with his rockstar lifestyle... Jericho is so out of shape he can't beat the janitor or popcorn salesman, or even Paul Heyman!
Jericho: “You're right; the popcorn guy's a ninja.” But Chris does get a terrible, awful idea: he COULD beat Paul Heyman. Rollins tries to reverse course, since Heyman's not a wrestler, but it's a little late for that; Jericho asks the fans for their opinion. Even Paul Heyman thinks Jericho can beat Paul Heyman. But too late: Jericho makes the match. And by the way, the Jericho/Heyman match is a WWE App Match.
That took 23 minutes to get to the point. For the record, 20 minute promos were the BAD part of the Attitude Era. And by the way: is Jericho ever getting his Slammy back? That said, BoD Raw needs to have a “ninja popcorn guy” gimmick.
So, the choices are: Extreme Rules; No Holds Barred; or Street Fight. Wait, those are CHOICES?
Luke Harper & Big Show v. Erick Rowan & Dolph Ziggler. Dolph and Show start. Dolph sticks and moves on Show, but gets caught and thrown into the corner. Blind charge eats boot, and Dolph comes back with a dropkick. Sky High DDT is caught into a flapjack. Show saunters to Dolph and looks at him, then picks him up and slaps him around on the chest. He then steps on Dolph. Crowd is FIERCELY behind Dolph, but a brief flurry is cut off by a tackle. On the outside, Dolph is sent into the barricade. They tease a countout, but Dolph's in at 9 as we go to break.
I mentioned this in the TLC post-game thread, but: I am officially demanding Paul Wight's retirement. He's just so much worse than the people he's up against – even Rowan – that it's jarring. And this match shows it too: Dolph's essentially wrestling himself, while Big Show hasn't moved at a speed faster than “mosey”.
Harper/Show v. Rowan/Dolph, continued. Harper has a chinlock on Dolph, who fights out only to get uppercutted for two. Show in, and the inverted DDT elbowdrop gets two. We get stills of Harper and Dolph from last night while Show toys with Dolph, getting the Colossal Clutch. He drops Dolph and tags Harper in, who gets a bottom-rope guillotine for two. Harper and Dolph get mis-communication, but recover in time for a Harper blind charge to eat post. Hot tag Rowan, who gets an avalanche on Harper and a full nelson slam. A shot for Big Show follows, but Harper with an uppercut and Show's in. Rowan catches him with a spinning leg lariat, but Harper gets a superkick. Dolph tosses Harper and follows into the announce area, leaving Show and Rowan. KO Punch, and BIGSHOWWINSLOL at 10:00. DEATH TO PAUL WIGHT! *1/4 Everyone's headsets were taken out by Harper and Dolph for a minute or two.
Meanwhile, Fandango and Rosa are being seductive backstage when Jericho shows up and asks for his Slammy. And he'll dance all over Fandango to get it.
Lost in all this is Erick Rowan, who is growing on me. I like the idea of a complex character, he's a decent big man, and by limiting his lines to one at a time, you add to his gimmick rather than detract from it. I hope he gets a chance as a solo star instead of being Show's jobber boy.
Fifteen million people have the WWE App! Be one of them!
We now look back at the Ambrose/Wyatt main event and proof that Ambrose should consider becoming Amish. Both men will be on SmackDown Live tomorrow night! (Hey, Tommy, I got this.)
Renee Young is with the New Day. Tonight, they rematch with the Dust Brothers, who seem to be about negativity. Xavier Woods says that negativity is gone and the darkness will be exposed to the light. Tonight, they'll mix it up and unleash the PhD. Kofi calms him down and says the does some slam poetry about how they aren't afraid of the dark. Big E can sense it and taste it, but SOON, they will feel it! Feel the power! Kofi asks Big E to towel off a bit – his sweat got on them.
Another rematch? Why, Vince? I hope the live SmackDown is better than this.
Total Divas ad makes me lose brain cells.
Brie & Nikki Bella v. Natalya & Alicia Fox. This is the Total Divas synergy portion of the show. Alicia and Nikki start, and Nikki with a spinebuster for two. Brie in, and it's a double back elbow for two. To the chinlock, and Nikki switches to a diving clothesline for two. More chinlockery. Fox with a split-legged jawbreaker to escape, hot tag Natalya. She snapmares Nikki and gets a dropkick, then throws the Bellas together. Brie slaps Natalya, but Natalya reverses to the Sharpshooter for the tapout at 2:10. Tyson is looking over at Nikki before jumping into the ring. This concludes the Total Divas synergy portion of the show. 1/4*
As long as this leads to Natalya being the next challenger, I'm fine. But 2 chinlocks in 90 seconds is inexcusable, and a 2-minute tag match is a joke.
Side note: I'm being told that more than a few people on the Internet believe the New Day not being the Nation of Domination is racist. There's also people who are calling the claimants of racism racist. My opinion: they are all being who they were to begin with, just with matching tights.
SmackDown Live will feature Roman Reigns' first match since his injury.
Highlight Reel time. Jericho brags about calling the Authority's loss, then mocks Lana's pantsuit. Here come Lana and Rusev as guests. (Jericho was right, though; Lana was wearing a red outfit.) Lana asks to speak first, bragging about Rusev remaining undefeated. So if Jericho has intelligent questions – which “you're probably not capable of” – they'll answer. Jericho riffs on Lana's outfit before asking: why so angry? Is it the hairstyle? Lana: “Shut up.” Jericho asks Rusev: why are YOU so angry? You need stress relief. Maybe show Lana your Sputnik. Jericho may have hit too close to home – he teases them for possibly being a couple with the sittin' in the tree song. Yep, this happened. He then directly asks: are you really a couple? Does Rusev have a crush on Lana? Several insults later, he encourages Rusev to let his freak flag fly – and he and Lana exchange SHU TUPs.
Rusev finally puts an end to the fun – and to be fair, the crowd was digging it – and says Jericho talks too much and needs a crushing. Jericho admits he gets on people's nerves and people always want to beat him up... but people want to beat Rusev up, too. In fact, someone wants to do that right now!
Crowd is totally into the staredown with loud Feed Me More chants. The two talk trash, and Rusev even smiles as he slowly backs away. He taunts Ryback from the apron with the belt before walking away.
We review the clusterbombery that was Cena/Rollins, with cameos by Big Show and Roman Reigns. They're rematching tonight inside that steel cage hanging from the rafters!
You know, there's always a place for two bad-asses who are on a collision course ready to beat the heck out of each other. The match won't be aesthetically pleasing, but it sounds like it'll be hot. And really – we all want our guys up top, and we all want the fans' wishes to coinicide with ours, but hey, if the crowd loves an idea, run with it.
Ascension teaser. If it wasn't for that “we're open all night long” line, it would be just fine as a vignette.
New Day v. Brothers Dust. New Day's pyro fails to go off. Dean Ambrose curses that he can't have that luck. Goldust and Woods start as Kofi goes to commentary. Woods with a dropkick and leg sweep for one. Langston in, and the two double-team Goldust out of the ring. Goldust stalls on the outside. Kofi to JBL: “You live in Bermuda! Why are you negative?” Stardust in, and he slugs away with Langston. Crossbody attempt is caught, and Langston gets a double backbreaker and tandem kick with Woods for two. Kofi and JBL focus on Big E's oversweating as Woods gets a running kick for one. Crowd chants for the announcers as Langston gets a slam, and Woods gets a tandem wheelbarrow splash for two. Stardust fights out of the corner, but runs into a Woods hiptoss and right hand. Goldust charges and gets dumped, and the heels regroup as we go to break.
Way too much stalling in the opening half of that match. No need for that. It's why the crowd chanted for the announcers; the match was going nowhere.
New Day/Dusts, continued. Langston is pounding away on Stardust, getting a shoulder charge. Goldust tags himself in and drops Langston on the top rope, then chops the heck out of him. Goldust works the leg, then kicks Langston in the face. The Dusts do a wishbone, then Stardust gets a leaping stomp. Stardust with the Macho Man over-the-top hotshot, and Goldust in with a chinlock. Langston fights out, but Goldust sends him in the corner. Blind charge hits elbow, but Langston walks into a spinebuster for two. Goldust drops the fist, and Stardust kicks away. Stardust gets two as the crowd is so tired of this they chant for CM Punk. Stardust pounds on Langston's chest and stands over him before hooking the front chancery. Goldust drops a series of elbows as the crowd chants for NXT. Goldust with a kneelift, and Stardust kicks him and goes back to the front facelock. Langston shoves him off, but Stardust comes back with a sliding kick. Langston bowls Stardust over for a double KO. Hot tag Woods, and the crowd BOOS his house of fire segment. They do chant New Day with him for the Honor Roll, though. It gets two. Goldust with a powerslam for two. Woods with an enzuigiri to send Goldust out of the ring, and Stardust is low bridged out. Langston and Woods do an alley-oop senton over the ropes, and back in, Woods tags himself in for the Midnight Hour to end it (finally) at 13:32. DUD
What in heaven's name was wrong with Dustin and Cody tonight? I've seen a ton of their matches and I know they know how to be better than that! That was a hot mess, and they didn't even try to get the crowd involved – which is Dustin's strength! I hope they get chewed out for that match. Also, Big E Langston as the face in peril when Xavier Woods is RIGHT THERE is so backwards I can't comprehend. The crowd turning on the match was not too surprising.
Renee Young is with Miz and Sandow. Miz and Jimmy Uso have a match tonight, as Miz sets the scene: The Usos used to be tag champions until Jimmy felt inadequate and jealous. Now, Miz is the champ, and the only way Jimmy will be a Hollywood guy is if he accompanies Naomi – but Jimmy's getting in the way of that. Tonight, the credits roll on Jimmy Uso.
Meanwhile, Adam Rose promises a huge afterparty when his match is over. But Kane is there to break the party up (Exotic Express: sarcastic yay). Kane does not like Rose, but the Bunny tries to stop the trouble. Rose will face Kane in that match. “Party over.”
Of note from my friends: Jimmy Jacobs was spotted as a member of the Express.
Also of note: in two weeks, they're doing Raw in DC, my homeland. They're promising Edge and Christian in charge, and Randy Orton is advertised. Make of that what you will.
Adam Rose v. Kane. The Express is deathly afraid of Kane. Rose fires away to start, but a whip fails and Rose is disposed over the top. Rose runs away outside the ring, attacking Kane as the latter returns, but Kane shoves him off. Rose escapes a Tombstone and stops a blind charge, getting a running lariat... that Kane no-sells, leading to a big boot. Chokeslam try, but the Bunny hops in... and is caught. Double chokeslam ends it at 1:28. Crowd kind of likes that. Kane gives the Bunny a Tombstone for good measure, which gets a shockingly good pop. JBL is giddy.
Earlier Tonight of the opening segment.
Well, this Bunny thing was a severe backfire. Here's the thing: Adam Rose's ceiling and rightful spot was as an opening match crowd-lifter. He comes out, gets the crowd dancing, does a quick match, and leaves. There's nothing wrong with that. Teasing the heel turn and making THE BUNNY his foil ruined all that. They're trying to undo the damage, but it may be too late.
WWE's Main Event will start at 7 to compensate for the live SmackDown. Your Main Event main event is Kane v. Erick Rowan.
WWE App Match: Slammy Award Winner Chris Jericho v. Paul Heyman. Before the match, Heyman says he's out of tricks. He jokes about being “the Jew in Jewjitsu”, but to be honest, this isn't funny or entertaining. Heyman knows Jericho is a crowd-pleaser, and this segment won't be PG. Heyman doesn't want to think about how he gave Jericho his break and now Jericho is a podcast guy, a rock star, etc. He doesn't want a piece of it, but he's wondering why Jericho is still mad over a missed paycheck from 1995! Okay, it's the principle of the thing, fine. But Heyman has the money, and he's willing to give it if Jericho calls it off. Heyman goes to write a check (Cole: “Oh, you know that's just gonna bounce!”), but Jericho knocks the checkbook away and prefers the match...
Street Fight (43%). Heyman accepts his fate, but says he doesn't understand why this fight has to happen... WITH BROCK LESNAR!
Here Comes The Pain. Brock circles the ring with Jericho in it like a shark circling the prey. Crowd says the confrontation is Awesome. Jericho takes the fight to Brock, but Brock blocks the Codebreaker and delivers the F-5. Crowd wants Cena to come out, and Brock even looks to the entrance to see if it happens. It doesn't, so Heyman raises Brock's hand and the two leave. Needless to say, no match.
The announcers talk about Cena/Lesnar and discuss the “rest vs rust” factor that will be a part of the story, with Cole saying Lesnar has the advantage due to rest, but JBL saying Cena is battle-hardened.
Here's the thing: if they can do the main event this well, why can't they do the rest that well? The only midcard story since Daniel Bryan's exit that has had my interest is the Swagger/Rusev story, and I'm certain Dutch Mantell wrote that. Dean Ambrose seems to be getting over in spite of WWE's efforts.
Fandango and Rosa are out with the Slammy. Perfect timing. Fandango says Raw WAS Jericho...
...and this brings out Roman Reigns! He promptly uppercuts and spears Fandango to shut him up. He then takes the mic and milks a chant...
...but before HE can talk, Big Show is back. Roman tells him that if Show gets any closer he's getting hit in the mouth. Show says he'd like to see him try. Reigns made a mistake last night by attacking Big Show... and now Show will put Reigns back on the IR. He climbs onto the apron... and just as promised, Reigns Superpunches Show! Show throws stairs around in frustration. The kids in the crowd do a This Is Awesome chant as the two jaw at each other.
Now, that's how you do Roman Reigns right! One threat, two guys beaten up, and he stands tall. Now, let's hope he beats Show in five minutes to complete it, because right now, the crowd wants him to look strong.
The Miz v. Jimmy Uso. Miz immediately bails as the crowd wants Mizdow. He jumps in and races back out again. And again. This time, Jimmy gives chase and gets a slam as Naomi looks on backstage. Jimmy chops away on Miz, then slams him again (which Sandow mimics). Jimmy chops away on Miz in the corner (with Sandow mimicking), then punches him in the gut. Crowd declares Mizdow Awesome. Jimmy tackles Miz down and slugs away as Sandow mimics, but Miz gets to the apron and Hotshots Jimmy. To the top, but Jimmy uppercuts Miz. More chops from Jimmy, but Miz bails out, catching a sliding Jimmy and getting a big boot. Sandow overacts and Miz tells him to stop, then tosses Jimmy into the apron. Inside, it gets two, and we go to the front facelock into a Muta bridge. And yes, Sandow imitates that, too. Jimmy fights out, but Miz with the Million Dollar Combo, which Jimmy interrupts before getting hit with it on the second try for two. Miz with left hands to Jimmy, but Jimmy reverses a whip only to get kicked. Jimmy fires back into the comeback and sends Miz out over the top, then dives onto Miz. And needless to say, Sandow imitates getting hit by a flying Uso. Back in, flying crossbody gets two. Superkick is caught, and Miz tries the figure-four, but Jimmy reverses to a Samoan Drop. And Sandow now ENTERS THE RING to imitate it. Ref disposes of Sandow, Skull Crushing Finale is escaped, Jey jabs a Slammy into Miz's chest, and Jimmy goes up for the Superfly Splash to end it at 6:14. Reasonable match overshadowed by Sandow's antics, which is more a compliment to Sandow than an insult to the match. *1/2
So as it seems only the main event's left: this show is not what the WWE needed, and it appears the crowd's catching on to the problem. From the Jericho/Heyman match onward has been fine, though; so to mix it up, the second hour was a nightmare rather than the third. Still, as with all three-hour Raws, this would be a much better two-hour Raw. I blame USA Network – reports are even Vince doesn't like doing three hours live. But even so... dogging it is not going to help!
Backstage, Naomi is heading over to meet Jimmy, but Miz cuts her off. He claims Naomi was torn in that match, but hey – thing with Jimmy aside, Miz will keep his word. He's still champ, so he'll keep helping Naomi. Miz knows she'd rather be Divas' Champion, so tomorrow night on Main Event, Naomi will be on MizTV. It's a big opportunity for her – no one's ever done that for her, right? And he's doing it because he knows Naomi deserves a Divas' Title shot. And hey, it's MizTV – what would Jimmy object to? Oh, and one more thing: don't tell Jimmy. Just saying.
Fun bit as we cut to the announcers: Cole is talking to JBL about the situation, and Lawler does Sandow's “shadow mimicry” act of Cole.
As a reminder: both Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt will return for tomorrow's live SmackDown.
Renee Young interviews Seth Rollins... but Rollins won't let her talk, saying that things are out of hand. Just 24 hours after a tables match, he's supposed to be in a cage match? And with Cena, who keeps costing him big matches? This is because there's no Authority here and nobody is safe. Heck, not even those in power are safe – you saw what happened to Jericho (even though he had it coming)! This place needs someone in charge – it needs the Authority back. Seth Rollins should not be performing... he should be in a hospital bed! But Rollins will suck it up, finish what he started, and teach John Cena a lesson.
MAYDAY! MAYDAY! THE CAGE IS LOWERING!
Sorry this report is long even by my standards, but holy hell there was a lot of non-wrestling story stuff tossed out tonight. Way too much talking in my opinion.
It's Christmas Raw next week, starring Ho Ho Hogan. Don't look at me like that; they said it.
Main event, cage match: Seth Rollins v. John Cena. Pins, submissions, and escape all count. Rollins immediately goes over the top, but gets caught and brought back in for a beating. Rollins with a back kick and he sends Cena into the cage, but Cena blocks. Rollins with a kick to stop a backdrop as the crowd is loudly on Cena. Rollins throws Cena into the cage for two. He adjusts his back before punching Cena in the mouth. Cross-ring forearm knocks Cena down, and Rollins taunts Cena. Another try, but Cena catches Rollins and catapults him to the cage... and Rollins climbs! Cena stops him and pulls him to the top rope, where they fight until Cena gets a facejam off the top rope for two. Cena now climbs, but Joey Mercury climbs on the other end while Rollins crawls for the door. Cena sees this and dives to stop him, then tries to head out the door. Rollins stops him and tries to get out, getting so close as to be hanging over the floor, but Cena drags him back in and sends him across the ring. Charge hits elbow, and Rollins gets the Overcast for two. Rollins looks to climb, but Cena catches him. Rollins slides down Cena and gets the bucklebomb for two as we go to break.
All of the above took only four minutes. If they can keep up this pace, it'll be a great match. Not “save the show” great, but great.
Main event, continued. Both men are down when we return. Rollins is up first, arrogant, as the crowd is 100% behind Cena. He rallies, beginning the comeback sequence into the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Rollins with a kick during the taunt. Cena with the Protobomb, and this time the Shuffle connects. He tosses Rollins into Mercury and delivers the AA. It's 10:53, so that gets two. Cena asks to exit through the door, but Noble holds it shut. Cena launches the door open and sends Noble flying, but that allows Rollins time to recover and catch Cena. It's a fight on the top rope, with Cena knocking Rollins off the top and following with the diving legdrop for two. Cena looks to climb over the top, but now Rollins catches him and yanks him down, climbing instead. Cena stops him and tries a second AA, but Rollins escapes to the cage and knocks Cena down, following into him with the flying knee smash for two. Rollins taunts Cena some more (“This is what you asked for! I told you to wait!”), then tosses Cena into the cage. He keeps monologuing like a typical villain before tossing Cena into the cage again. Crowd chants for both men, which Rollins uses to taunt Cena some more. (“Do you hear that? That's the sound of the future!”) A third cage visit, though, is reversed and Rollins goes into the steel for a double KO. Cena is first to move and asks for the door, but Mercury slams the door into his face. Rollins gets two off of it. Mercury is (somehow) busted open from it. Rollins is ready for the Curbstomp, but Cena intercepts him in mid-air into the STF. Rollins drags Cena to the door. Cena breaks, so Rollins tries to leave. Noble and Mercury look to help, and a tug-of-war breaks out, which Cena wins to bring Rollins in. Noble tosses in the briefcase, though, as Rollins gets an enzuigiri for two. Noble informs Rollins of the briefcase's presence, and Seth pounces on it. Greco-Roman briefcase shot misses, and Cena with a lariat that twists Rollins in mid-air. Slugfest breaks out, with the crowd still divided, and Cena tries another AA. Rollins lands on his feet, and a shot with the case gets two. Security says it was three. Cena's still out, and Rollins decides it's his chance to escape. He goes to the top, with Security cheering him on and looking to help, but Cena meets him at the top and tries to yank him back in. Rollins dangles inches away from victory, but Cena drags Rollins in... and it's an AA off the top rope! But Cena can't capitalize. (NOTE: we love to rag on commentary, but Cole is doing a GREAT job right now.) Door's open if anyone wants it.... AND HERE COMES THE PAIN! (Cole: “Oh, hell! Not now!!”) Brock Lesnar, title in hand, has both men down and out where he wants them. He enters the cage and German suplexes Cena three times (with Cena ragdolling it all the way). F-5 to Cena pretty much ends Cena's chances, and Lesnar looks at Rollins, who needs new pants. Heyman, though, calls off Lesnar and shakes hands with Rollins... Seth Rollins is a Paul Heyman Guy! Heyman and Lesnar leave, and Rollins just looks at a dead Cena from the middle rope. Curbstomp is academic, and Rollins wins by walking out the door, briefcase in hand, at 23:29 – milking it for about a minute. What an epic finish to the show. ****
MATCH TIME: 56:53 over six matches
BEST MATCH: Cena/Rollins (by a mile)
WORST MATCH: New Day/Dust Brothers
NIGHT MVP: Brock Lesnar
MY RATING: Meh, 4/10. Most of the show was somewhere from forgettable to bad, but I can't give a thumbs down when I get a huge main event like THAT, can I?
Matt Perri has Main Event. I'll do the live SmackDown on Tommy's behalf. Scott Keith looks back at 1996 and answers emails. Tommy still has NXT to post, so it's not a lost week for him. And we'll see what other jokes we can make on the product.