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WCW Worldwide: December 1, 1996

Ever since the death of WCW Prime, and with it the legacy of the great Johnny B Badd, I have felt alone. But a new love has quickly emerged; courtesy of Bobby Heenan who could not give less of a crap about the program he’s talking about. And no, I don’t mean Nitro, which is the ultimate volatile stock market, but the ever steady Worldwide. And what big stars are upon us tonight? Well, no less than the best, such as Jim Duggan, Disco Inferno, and Alex Wright.

Our hosts are the aforementioned “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN, and TONY SCHIAVONE.


“HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN vs. JOHN PETERSON

With the arrival of this newcomer, John Peterson, also comes the return of one NICK PATRICK to the ring. Peterson attacks before the bell, and Patrick lets it go. Your newest nWo member?


It might seem unlikely that the nWo comes recruiting on Worldwide, but ultimately, every single WCW wrestler on the roster has been told they have 30 days to make a choice, and any time you can sign the love-child of Arn Anderson and Kendall Windham, you have to do it. Granted, he’s not very good, losing to a clothesline in 1:39, but maybe Vincent needs a bitch. DUD

BOBBY EATON vs. MANNY FERNANDEZ

With the nWo firmly in control, it looks like we’re back to a steady stream of NICK PATRICK being the assigned official to every single match, important or meaningless. Not that I would ever doubt the importance of Bobby Eaton picking up a much unneeded win (whoops, spoiler), but I don’t think it would kill them to send out Scott Dickenson to pick up a little ring experience here. Bobby hits a swinging neckbreaker, which sets up the Alabama Jam for the easy peasy win at 2:20. 1/2*

Backstage (we have a backstage on this show?!?), LEE MARSHALL is with ARN ANDERSON. Arn gives us the world view of the Horsemen; Flair’s out and done. Anderson’s lost his will. Benoit is coming along, but isn’t there. The assessment? The Horsemen are done. Arn says that’s fantasy island, because Mongo’s a 12 time all pro, Benoit’s wrestled in Japan for years, Flair’s a 13-time champion and has been hurt plenty before, and he’s back. Anyone who thinks they’re dead and gone has already lost.

DISCO INFERNO vs. ALEX WRIGHT

For a 3rd consecutive match, NICK PATRICK works. Heenan and Tony start talking about the Christmas season, with Tony gloating he got nothing for Bobby. Bobby, hurt, tells Tony he picked up one of the new James Bond style BMW’s for him. Tony calls him a liar, so Bobby, angry, tells Tony he’s returning it. Wright messes up Disco’s hair. Bobby: “Who cares? You can comb it later! Break his hands now!” Then bloody Tony defends Disco, saying it’s his trademark and he has a right to be upset, like Bobby when someone calls him a weasel. Heenan denies ever getting mad about that, because “I’m not a weasel. Being a weasel doesn’t get me upset. I don’t have claws, I don’t have a tail, I don’t hop around into the chicken coops at night and then … no, I’m not! It doesn’t upset me.” Tony: “Ok, weasel.” Heenan: “Why would you call me that? I didn’t do anything wrong.” I would have preferred if he’d just punched Schiavone in the mouth. Wright runs through his usual offense, which has been completely exposed with the influx of lucha talent over the last 6 months. Disco comes back with a slam of the head into the buckle, hits a swinging neckbreaker, and dances while Bobby counts to 13 to prove he’s a timewaster. A back elbow leads to a swim, followed by a boogie break. Wright quickly comes back with a belly to belly, and finishes with the German suplex at 4:21. *

CHRIS BENOIT vs. RICK STEINER

Heenan just tees off on a fat woman in the crowd during the entrances while she flashes dual 4’s for Benoit. “8 more donuts! Nice dress if you’re going to a luau and you have apples in your mouth. Does poi mean anything to you sweetheart? They arrested that woman once for impersonating a piƱata.” Tony’s pleas to make him stop go completely ignored. God bless the pre-social media anti-bullying era. He moves on to trash talking Steiner, and Tony asks him if he’d ever say any of this to his face? Heenan admits he would, and would even slap him around while he’s at it. Tony offers him $5 to do it immediately, but Heenan, despite being intrigued by the cash offer, refuses because he made a vow to the producers he’d never leave his chair, due to his ability to enhance the product like nobody else. Steiner tosses Benoit around, so he quickly takes a powder to re-evaluate. Tony has enough of Bobby calling Steiner stupid, to which Heenan replies: “Would you let him do your taxes?” Tony (sputtering): “Well … no, but I wouldn’t let Benoit do them either!” Heenan promptly offers to do them for a small fee. A big right hand sends Benoit back to the floor again, where he complains that Rick’s using closed fists. The referee, quick to correct this measure, politely asks Rick if he’s being using closed fists? He says no, which is enough for the referee to inform Chris his investigation is complete, and no penalties will be incurred. Benoit heads back in to a potentially dangerous situation, but quickly cradles Steiner for 2. Rick fires back with a release German suplex, dropping Benoit on the back of his head – yikes! Overhead belly to belly follow suit! Heenan: “I haven’t seen hurling like this since I had dinner at your house!” Benoit manages a short arm clothesline, but misses the swandive. Rick explodes with a clothesline, and scores the pin at 5:36. I really want to question why the hell Benoit’s losing matches cleanly on Worldwide … but then I remember nobody actually watched this show, so it probably doesn’t matter. **

Returning to this mysterious “backstage”, LEE MARSHALL invites THE NASTY BOYS in, to find out where they stand. Personally, I’m hoping they stand anywhere other than in a WCW ring, but apparently 1997 is going to be “Nothing but Nasty”. Yeah, don’t expect me to hang around for 1997 in that case. Lee channels his inner Mean Gene, reminding them they were cozying up to Hogan as recently as a couple of weeks ago, donning nWo colors. Knobbs threatens to knock out his teeth, before admitting he made a mistake but they’ve learned from it. Learned what, exactly?

JIM POWERS (with Teddy Long) vs. LEX LUGER

NICK PATRICK fulfills our 80% Nick Patrick quota by working here. Much as I can’t believe I’m saying it, the most unfortunate part of Roddy Piper’s WCW arrival is that it’s costing Lex Luger his rightful place in the Starrcade main event. It’s almost unbelievable that Luger, barely garnering any interest from either company as recently as a year earlier, is very likely the hottest babyface in the game for either major company right now. Booked into a corner, however, WCW is in a tough spot – because they’re also amerced with the best heel in the world, and neither can afford to lose, so maybe it’s best for the Great Choker to stay away from Hogan for the immediate future. Powers tries to show off his great physique, but that’s like Kofi Kingston trying to show off his incredible height while standing next to Khali. Luger flattens him with a series of clotheslines. Heenan starts ranting about Hogan, ending with “he is the only man walking the face of the planet that I can honestly say I hate! … well, and Okerlund.” Tony: “Anyone else?” Heenan: “No! Well, and Cruise. That’s not the point, because … well, I never liked Dusty either. So, Luger … no, I don’t like him. You know, Tony, I don’t like you either. Give me 5 bucks.” Tony: “No!” Heenan: “Now make it 10, I don’t like you for not giving me 5 bucks.” Luger works a chinlock because apparently Powers is the face tonight? Was this taped in late 1995? Luger drops an elbow, as the fans try to will Powers to his feet. Powers comes back with a sunset flip, but Luger kicks out at 2. Luger comes back with a backbreaker, scoring 2. A running forearm gets 2, and the canned heat really starts getting worked up. Luger remains on offense, until finally Powers comes back with a running knee and dropkick for 2. He misses an avalanche, allowing Lex to Rack Powers for the win at 8:53. Wow, that was long. The fans throw their hands in the air, looking thrilled, appearing to celebrate, and allegedly booing like crazy. Who edited this? DUD


Next week: Akira Hokuto! M Wallstreet! Luchadores! I have no idea how the NFL ratings are expecting to compete with that. And with that, Tony signs us off.

Comments

  1. Does UFC have a WWE-style generic name generator?


    Brooks Philbertson

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  2. Yeah, I remember when Shamrock became a bigger deal in '98 and Severn came in. I thought it would be cool to watch some of their "classic" fights, so I rented the VHS. Most boring shit ever. Seriously ten minutes of pacing in circles

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  3. Ok, now that I've actually read the emailer's conspiracy theory instead of skipping over it... nope. Lesnar was chosen as the Undertaker's opponent months before Bryan was put in the main event. I honestly believe the decision to have Lesnar win was too. But even assuming it wasn't, the easiest way to diminish Bryan's momentum was to just do that: diminish his momentum. The problem was that it wasn't just Bryan, the fans were shitting on everything they perceived as not favorable to Bryan. Orton vs. Batista as the WM main event was going to get booed out of the building. It eventually became pretty clear to WWE that they were going to have to feature him in the main, and if they're going to do that they have to go all in for the show. Nothing involving the Undertaker could have affected that one way or the other.

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  4. Basically a small tripod mounted crane for a camera.

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  5. Oh it's a great moment. Its just a shame knowing how it came out, you can't just look at it as the culmination of one great story, an part of an overall great era. If nothing else the sadness of know WWE doesn't seem to be capable of just doing other great stories like that anymore: that they have to be forced by the fans & backstage turmoil to make magic happen. Love it for what it was... just don't try to hold onto it as an example of what lies in store for Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler or others.

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  6. They "Present Endeavoured" him?

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  7. All divisive arguments re: Punk, Bryan, conspiracy theories aside, I think we can be unified in believing that the people in the video above need to be shipped off to a deserted island away from the rest of polite society and made to disavow any professional wrestling fandom

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  8. Taker did not put Maven over in any sense. Maven got lucky, and then taker killed him every time they met.

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  9. Not sure if you are a rap fan but rapper E-40 mentioned them in a rap song around the same time. I saw the vhs tapes at the rental store but never actually got one. It was one of those things that put the bug in my ear.

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  10. Can't say as I'd buy the PPV, but after sleeping on it, I'm more intrigued by this than *anything* on the wrestling world's horizon. Which is... kinda sad. The shit of it is I know nothing about current MMA, and I'm not really interested enough to learn.

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  11. Let's be honest, Dana White is just as big of a carney as Vince McMahon. Seriously, at one point he tried to sell a fight to fans between Tito Ortiz and himself.

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  12. Wow....so I just watched about 45 seconds of the video and I'm reminded why I don't just come out and tell people that I'm a wrestling fan.

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  13. He shockingly drop kicked him out of the Rumble. Over.

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  14. So, the hook is there's nothing to look forward too?

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  15. "We swear we're serious when we say we don't see UFC as competition."

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  16. Lemme tackle this backwards.

    It matters because I don't think for such a dramatic moment where one major babyface dethrones another, they want a a stadium of solid, unending boos.

    And again, you really think Cena needs the streak for it to be a big deal for someone to beat him? The man's jobbed clean maybe 5 times in the last, what, 10 years? He's as protected as protected gets. To give him the streak to make him "important" is some WWE Creative shit.

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  17. That's not putting someone over

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  18. So did Triple H put The Brooklyn Brawler over in 2000?

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  19. I wouldn't blame him one bit.

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  20. The thing is, we ALL know what's in store for Roman Reigns. Dean and Ziggler, who knows

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  21. "he brought him in and he can bring him out!"

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  22. No, its that anything can happen so make sure ya tune in. Plus he was probably hoping folks would subscribe to see Taker's loss if they hadnt already...

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  23. Someone was denying that?

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  24. A) They promote ONE woman B) She's actually excellent at her profession

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  25. You're comparing Maven, someone the WWF was actively pushing, to Steve Lombardi?

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  26. When you're the Undertaker it is.

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  27. Haha, yeah, after a certain point in the e-mail, I began quickly scanning the rest for "lazy fuck" for confirmation. Alas, it was not there.

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  28. Waaaaaaay more injuries happen in training than in the cage

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  29. Yes I am. Because Undertaker got eliminated by Maven and then proceeded to beat the shit out of him. That's not putting someone over.


    HHH losing to Brooklyn Brawler is the exact same situation

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  30. No, it's not. He didn't put him over.

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  31. No. You're wrong. Thanks for playing.

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  32. He did, I assure you.

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  33. You don't know what putting over means. That's okay.

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  34. Don't worry, I'm not. It's clear you don't know what putting over means. It generally doesn't involve slipping on a banana peel and then proceeding to beat the shit out of the guy for 10 minutes.


    Then the guy you put over proceeds to dick around in the hardcore division doing nothing, occasionally teaming with Al Snow of all people.


    Undertaker didn't put him over. Sorry.

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  35. There's 1100 Gracies. They're not all BJJ grandmaster wizards.

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  36. No there's zero chance of that happening.

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  37. No need to apologize for being wrong. Happens all the time, just not to me. Good night.

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  38. He won't make anywhere remotely near 5 mil from sponsorships and fights. That's GSP money.

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  39. I've asked you to explain how Undertaker put him over and you have repeatedly failed. This isn't your skill.

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  40. AT LEAST half of them are lesbians

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  41. Have a good night.

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  42. How did Undertaker put him over when he beat the shit out of him in every encounter they had?


    Maven only got the better of him on a fluke and because of The Rock and continued to dick around on Heat.

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  43. It's a moment that lives on forever, way more than the Brawler/Hunter thing, and its a moment where Taker put over Maven. At this point we're gonna agree to disagree.

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  44. If I could have one Christmas wish, it'd be for the Brain to be completely healthy and able to talk again.

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  45. Would be absolutely worthless having the streak on the line vs Sting. A guy who isn't going to be around for more than 1-2 more matches and has never really drawn anyway

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