Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Matt's Monday Night RAW Recap - 2/9/2015

The rumor is that the main event at WrestleMania is changing and that Daniel Bryan is going to be added.

I take most of what I hear about WWE with a grain of salt because, if the rumor mills were right, CM Punk would have been back months ago and Rollins would have been champion four PPV's ago. 

The reaction interests me: two Facebook pages who carried the report (Facken Boolshet and The Botched Spot) have expressed a lot of frustration. Just a few weeks removed from the Royal Rumble, I'm already seeing Bryan backlash. 

So, not only does Creative not know which way is up, I'm not even sure the fans do.

Let's go...

We start with clips of last week's show: Triple H announces the big match on the Fastlane card between Bryan and Reigns and the confrontation between the three men and Seth Rollins.

Titles...

And we are LIVE(!!!) from Ohio State University!!!

JBL, Cole and Booker are the guys at the Talking Desk of Doom.

Roman Reigns' music hits and Cole reminds us that Big Show actually beat the top contender for the title at WrestleMania. We get clips from later in the night when Reigns helped Bryan win the match against Seth Rollins.

Reigns is mostly booed as he walks around the ring, grinning. One fan actually has a sign showing Reigns as a cross-eyed goof with the word "DERP" on it, so that's telling. He says that he won the Royal Rumble match and, when you do that, you get to fight for the big title. So, he gets to fight Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship. The Authority has different plans and he says if he has to prove himself by winning the Rumble, beating Bryan at Fastlane and then Brock at WrestleMania, so be it.

Bryan comes out next and the crowd is firmly behind him. He says he's here to thank Reigns for his help last week. But, now, Reigns has an opportunity of his own at Fastlane: the winner of their match faces Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania. I didn't know that. Did anyone else know that? Bryan says that Reigns his bigger and stronger than he is. In terms of looks, they're even...but, when it comes to wrestling, he's better than Reigns. That actually draws some heat.

And out comes Triple H to book the requisite tag team match where they have to "Get Along to Win!" Steph plugs Fastlane which is free. Also, Sting will be there. Triple H says Sting is being called out. That's right. Triple H is calling out Sting tonight to see if Sting will accept "being called out" at Fastlane. I can't even begin to make this shit up. 

Steph says that Reigns and Bryan are angry people. Steph says that Reigns is an ass for interfering last week. Reigns is proud of it. She says Bryan's sick for putting Kane in a dirty casket "where people are buried". You know, the one they booked? Thankfully, Bryan points this out for me.

Steph says she doesn't care. They went over the Authority's head and, so, they must pay. By being in a tag team match against Show and Kane. Next.

After the Flintstones/WWE teaser commercial and about 3 Popeye's Chicken ads for shitty ghost pepper chicken strips.

MATCH #1: Roman Reigns & Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show & Kane
Triple H and Steph are at ringside for this. Kane and Bryan start and Kane flies out of the ring after a series of counters, ending in Bryan ducking. Flying Goat to the outside, then a tag to Reigns who's getting booed because the East Coast has established that they aren't allowed to cheer him anymore. Reigns takes Kane down and Show is tagged in. Reigns is a house-a-fire, punching and kicking him but Show just grabs him and tosses him from corner to corner. Reigns gets up and fights back, hitting clotheslines in the corner. He rushes Show but Show catches him a Chokeslam. Reigns breaks it and counters with a DDT. Show gets to his feet and kicks at Reigns, tagging in Kane. Kane beats on him in the corner, then snap mares him to the mat, putting Reigns in a chinlock. At this point, my USA feed freezes because, suddenly, I'm watching the WWE Network. When it comes back 90 seconds later, Kane STILL has Reigns in a chinlock, so I'm not missing much. Reigns breaks the hold with a Sidewalk Slam and tags Bryan. Bryan takes out Kane and works on Show with dropkicks in the corner. Yes Kicks but Show shoves him away. Bryan comes back and take Show's leg out, then kicks him repeatedly, finally nailing him in the head. Show rolls out of the ring and Bryan leaps at Kane and Show who catch him and toss him into the ring rops. Bryan bounces off and hits the floor. Break time.

We're back and Show has Bryan in a headlock. The match is so ludicrously boring, Cole can't even bring us shit that happened during the commercial. Bryan breaks and Show hits a Bear Hug, then drops Bryan and tags Kane. Kane hits a Sidewalk Slam and gets a two count. Show back in, hits a headbutt on Bryan and steps on his chest twice. He taunts Reigns, then goes middle buckle for a Vader Bomb, missing by a mile when Bryan moves. Bryan starts hulking up and crawls across the ring to tag Reigns but Kane gets a tag first, runs across the ring and uppercuts Reigns. Kane turns around and ends up in the YES Lock, but Show grabs Bryan by the leg and drags him out of the ring. He tosses Bryan into the timekeeper's pit and the ref just rings the bell. This one's over at 12:57.
WINNERS: Reigns & Bryan via DQ, I guess.
RATING: 1/2*. What's better than two, shitty, repetitious feuds? Having both of them happen at the same time!

Post-match, the heels gang up on Reigns but Reigns overpowers them. Bryan tries to come in and help out but accidentally drop kicks Reigns. The heels, Triple H and Steph all bail and watch the faces implode. Bryan apologizes to Reigns but Reigns isn't having it and shoves Bryan. Bryan can't believe it. Triple H mocks them for "getting along well", then tells them that they'll team up again tonight against Kane, Big Show, Rollins and J&J Security. Sigh... 

Break.

Cole's all hip and congratulates Eminem for winning two Grammies last night -- including "Legacy". JBL congratulates "Anne Lennox". I just can't.

MATCH #2: Ryback vs. Seth Rollins (w/ Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury)
Rollins beats up Ryback in the corner. Ryback gets to his feet and rushes Rollins and Rollins flies out of the ring. Rollins distracts the ref and J&J attack Ryback, slamming him into the crowd barricade. Back in the ring, Rollins hits a neckbreaker. Two count. Rollins hits a front headlock but Ryback counters and tries a suplex. Rollins blocks and knees Ryback in the gut, then pounds Ryback with clubbing fists. Rollins runs at Ryback but Ryback body drops him. J&J rush to Rollins' aid. Rollins gives them instructions. Noble leaps on the mat. The ref is distracted. Rollins and Mercury attack but Ryback takes both men out, then goes for Shell Shock on Rollins after a Spinebuster. J&J leap into the ring and it's already one of these fucking shows.
WINNER: Ryback via DQ at 2:55
RATING: DUD. 

Post-match, mudhole stomp, Curb Stomp and Cole pretending that multiple DQ finishes are completely foreign to RAW.

TONIGHT: Triple H calls out Sting so he can confirm if he can call out Sting at Fastlane so he can call out Sting at WrestleMania.

Sheamus is returning soon. Say what you will, I'm glad he's ok. There were rumors that his career was over.

MATCH #3: Paige vs. Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella)
Paige Superkicks Brie but Brie gets up and whacks Paige's head against the mat with her legs. Two count. Brie hits a running elbow, then hits a running knee. Two count. Brie puts Paige in Head Scissors for a full minute before Paige pins Brie for two. Brie goes for the Brie Mode Dropkick and hits it. Two count. Brie takes a swing at Paige but Paide ducks and the two women slap each other at the same time. Paige kicks Brie in the head and goes for a Ram-Paige but Nikki goes for the distraction. Paige sees it and shoves Brie into Nikki, knocking her off the mat, then hits the Ram-Paige anyhow, winning it at 3:16.
WINNER: Paige via Ram-Paige
RATING: *. It's the match of the night so far. Isn't that sad?

TONIGHT: Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman will address the evolving main event situation.

When we come back, out come Rusev and Lana with the mics giving feedback for the eighth time tonight. Lana says they are proud to face John Cena at Fastlane and Cena should also be proud to face Rusev. They recognize Cena's accomplishments and give us a montage that starts heoric and devolves into all the time Cena took bumps or lost a match.

When we come back, Lana wonders just how much longer Cena can go, calling him weak and vulnerable and tired. Rusev gets on the mic and says that the Cena everyone knows no longer exists. He's nothing. Weak, Tired, Etc. He'll break Cena and ca-dush. 

Out comes Cena. He says he's not deaf. He says that Rusev loves to brag that he's unbeatable. He says that the only reason they do that is because they know they're full of crap. He's been through hell and back. Each time he gets knocked down, he gets back up. Rusev will learn respect. Cena says that he'll hurt Rusev so bad, the only thing Rusev will be able to do is beg Lana to help him fix his "boo-boo spot". He says that he picked a fight with the wrong man. Rusev wants Cena to bring it to the ring.

Rusev says that Cena just talks trash and won't back it up. He'll crush Cena at Fastlane. Cena says that Rusev has jokes -- and Lana's got the balls. Rusev runs for Cena and two collide. They fight on the entrance ramp and it's even until Rusev eye gouges Cena in his sore right eye. He goes for an Accolade but WWE refs show up to push him off Cena.

Break time.

MOMENTS AGO: Rusev beat up John Cena and nobody really gave a shit.

MATCH #4: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bray Wyatt
Ziggler locks Wyatt's leg, then converts to a front facelock. Bray breaks one hold after the next, then finally slaps Ziggler in the face. Ziggler responds with a nice dropkick. Bray gets up and rushes but Ziggler ducks and goes for a clutch from behind. Bray breaks and kicks Ziggler. Bray tosses Ziggler into the corner but bails when Bray charges. Ziggler hits a Splash and Bray gets out of the ring. Ziggler dropkicks him off the mat. After a break, Bray's in full control because Bray beat up Ziggler during a break. So download the WWE App so you can watch Bray club Ziggler across the back. Ziggler fights out of a headlock but Bray takes him down with a nice splash on a rush. Ziggler hits a chinbreaker when Bray tries to get him to his feet. Bray rushes but Ziggler hits an elbow and a beautiful snap DDT. Two count. Ziggler rushes Bray again but Bray grabs him for Sister Abigail. Ziggler breaks and hits the Fame-Asser and a Superkick and NEARLY gets a fall. Crowd tries to chant "THIS IS AWESOME", then quits after two repetitions because it isn't that awesome. Ziggler gets out of the ring and runs at Bray but Bray takes his head off with a clothesline. He rolls Ziggler into the ring, goes into Spider Mode, and then hits Sister Abigail for the win at 11:34, which seemed to breeze by like 5 minutes.
WINNER: Bray Wyatt via Sister Abigail
RATING: **. Eh. You've seen it before.

Post-match, Bray drags Ziggler out of the ring, then lifts up the floor padding. Two refs meekly order Bray to quit attacking because this isn't Rusev vs. Cena. So, Bray does quit, then apologizes to Ziggler for beating him up.

Cole "switches gears" and pays tribute to Junkyard Dog for Black History Month.

TONIGHT: The 5-on-2 Match with Kane, Big Show, Seth Rollins, and J&J Security vs. Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns.

BUT, NEXT, AFTER POPEYE'S CHICKEN ADS: Brock Lesnar addresses stuff.

We are back at Ohio State University and get a shot of the big Championship Trophy the football team won.

Out comes Brock and Paul Heyman. He says that there are people who embellish the truth. Most people say Brian Williams of NBC News. And he did embellish the truth. But he's not the #1 liar: Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan are. Heyman says that if Reigns and Bryan are trying to tell everyone they can win, they're lying to everyone, including themselves.

He says that Reigns is scared. The "yellow stream" running down his leg is not pineapple juice. He says that Reigns shouldn't be afraid. That's natural. Heyman brings up Daniel Bryan and says that he's the ultimate liar. Look at Bryan and compare him to Lesnar. He asks the crowd if Bryan has a chance. Surprisingly, it's mostly "NO". Heyman says he must credit Bryan because Bryan makes up for physical prowess with wrestling knowledge -- but he can't beat Lesnar. 

He says that, if they believe they can beat Lesnar, they need to get on a chopper with Brian Williams and they'll find themselves getting taken out of the air by a massive F5. They will find themselves beaten and beat up by Brock Lesnar.

TONIGHT: Triple H calls out Sting so he can call him out at Fastlane.

ALSO: The 5-on-2 debacle nobody asked for.

LAST MONDAY: The Dusts were beaten by The Ascension and Not Cody wasn't happy.

MATCH #5: Gold & Stardust vs. The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) (w/ Xavier Woods)
Crowd. Is. Fucking. Dead. Star and Kofi begin. Kofi puts Star to the mat with an arm drag but Cody breaks in the corner and applies a headlock. Kofi breaks with a Whip but Star shoulderblocks him. Tag to Gold and it's a couple of arm drags and an arm bar. Then Star just up and walks off. Gold continues to fight, confused and tells Star to come back. Kofi rolls Gold up for the win at 1:37 and thank the fuck christ for that.
WINNERS: The New Day
RATING: DUD.

EARLIER TONIGHT: Reigns and Bryan nearly come to blows and are told they have to fight another bullshit match.

Backstage, Renee Young has Daniel Bryan. She wants to know if Bryan and Roman can co-exist. Bryan says it was an accident. Reigns interrupts and says they can team up against a common enemy -- then take care of their own business. 

NEXT: Triple H calls out Sting before he calls out Sting.

Backstage, Gold confronts Stardust. Goldust says that he's Dustin and Cody is his brother. Cody shoves him and says Cody is dead. Hiss.

Triple H is in the ring. He's slaved to make things great. Except tonight's show. Triple H says that Sting is ruining things, you know, despite him being on two shows in four months. Triple H says that Sting has no guts. He says that Sting knew to stay away because Triple H would "expose him". For...? Triple H calls him a coward. Triple H says that he's a man and he's calling Sting out at Fastlane. He wants Sting to agree never to show his face again. Why doesn't he just ask Sting tonight? He says he wants an answer from Sting NOW.

We get a single crow's caw. The arena goes dark. Another one. A couple of men in Sting outfits are seen in the arena halls. They vanish. A weird Ring-like clip airs with Triple H talking to Cole about Sting. We see Sting's make-up appear over Triple H's face in flashes. It's intercut with shots of Sting's face and trees and deserts. The words, "TRIPLE H" are shown over a pic of a scorpion. The arena goes dark again. When the lights come back up, a guy wearing a terrible Sting wig and clothing gets into the ring, completely missing his cue. Triple H falls backwards, looking up at "Sting". The lights go out and "Sting" is gone. The Jumbotron lights back up with the words, "I ACCEPT".

Well, that was pointless.

When we come back, Michael Cole shows us what happened, earlier tonight, between Cena and Rusev. Apparently, Cena has a scratched cornea.

MATCH #6: Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Usos (Jimmy & Jey) (w/ Naomi) (non-title)
This match is because Jimmy beat up Tyson at a "restaurant". Nattie's upset because The Usos "ruined their double date". I'm not even sure if this was Smackdown or Total Divas. Jimmy and Cesaro brawl before Tyson comes in. Jimmy tosses Tyson into the face corner and tags Jey. Jey knocks Tyson down and gets two. Tag to Jimmy and it's a Rocker Double Elbow which we miss because the cameraman thinks Naomi, who even Total Divas dumped, is more interesting. Tyson is tossed from the ring and Jimmy leaps at him. Both men are down and, fuck this, we're going to a commercial. After a break, Jimmy breaks a hold from Tyson but Tyson tags Cesaro who tosses Jimmy across the ring with a Gut Wrench. Tag to Kidd and he puts a facelock on Jimmy. Tag to Cesaro and it's more Uso peril with Cesaro clubbing away. Finally, Jimmy kicks Cesaro from the ring. Jey and Tyson enter on twin tags. Jey hits kicks and uppercuts, then puts Kidd in a Tree of Woe, hitting a running headbutt. He tries the Rikishi Splash but Kidd bails. Jey goes for a Flying Uso but Kidd leaps up on the mat to punch him. Jimmy comes out of nowhere and hits a Flying Uso on Cesaro. Kidd tries a Spingboard off the top rope but Jey Superkicks him and NEARLY gets a fall. Jey misses the Rikishi and Kidd rolls him, putting his feet on the ropes. The ref sees it and Jimmy tells Kidd to stop cheating. Kidd yells at Jimmy and Jey Superkicks Kidd. He goes top rope but Cesaro hits an Uppercut, knocking him out. Kidd gets the pin at 10:34.
WINNERS: Kidd and Cesaro
RATING: **1/4. Not bad, really. Kidd and Cesaro are great together.

YOUR NEXT WWE HALL OF FAME INDUCTEE IS...RIKISHI. The Usos, who just lost, celebrate in the ring.

Miz-dow is on his way to the ring. He's in action NEXT.

Cole plugs NXT RIVAL on WWE Network.

Miz sits at ringside with a microphone. Then he mocks Miz-dow "for doing it wrong".

MATCH #7: Sin Cara vs. Damien Miz-dow (w/ The Miz)
There are a bunch of counters and one-count pins to start. Miz-dow hits a suplex and a stomp. Sin Cara gets up and rushes Miz-dow but Miz-dow dropkicks him from the ring. Miz-dow rolls Cara back into the ring. Miz demands Miz-dow get him a water. Miz-dow does. He asks Miz-dow to open it. He does. JBL: "How is the ref not at a ten count yet?" Cara botches a Frankensteiner once the match gets back into the ring. Miz-dow hits the back-to-neck breaker on Cara, then goes for the Figure Four. Miz demands Miz-dow cease using the move. Cara rolls him up. Done at 3:46.
WINNER: Sin Cara
RATING: DUD. Sin Cara has a streak due to this shitty gimmick. Go figure.

Another Bray promo. He asks people where they think they go when they die. Different people have different perspectives. He says that this world is hell and they don't belong here. He says he doesn't fear the person he's calling out. He wants that person to find him.

Ambrose is walking backstage. He's in action NEXT.

THIS THURSDAY: Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan will go face-to-face. Not like tonight, when they were face-to-face. Twice.

Curtis Axel's in the ring to wring the "I-never-lost" gimmick for every single drop. He wants #AxelMania to trend. Ambrose's music hits. JBL: "#UHOH." 

MATCH #8: Curtis Axel vs. Dean Ambrose
Ambrose pounds Axel in the corner, then slams him to the mat. Ambrose tries a back bodydrop but Axel hits a kneelift. He hits axehandles on Ambrose and rubs his face into the mat. He continues to punch at Ambrose while taunting him but Ambrose fights back. Axel hits a dropkick but Ambrose hits the Rebound Clothesline and Dirty Deeds to finish it at 2:31.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose via Dirty Deeds
RATING: 1/2*. This was pretty much the same thing we saw last week, only with a referee in the ring.

Post-match, Ambrose has Breaking News for Bad News Barrett: he says the IC Title belongs to him. Ambrose is so much better than this. Bad News interrupts and says he has "breaking news" of his own. He says that, just because Ambrose wants a shot at the IC belt, it doesn't mean he deserves one. 

NEXT: The Big Handicap Match

The heels surround the ring. Reigns and Bryan defend themselves but ITSTHENUMBERSGAME and a vicious double chokeslam to Reigns. Bryan is alone.

MATCH #9: Roman Reigns & Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins, Big Show, Kane, Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury in a 5-on-2 Handicap Match
Rollins an Bryan start. Rollins hits a German Suplex and points to the WrestleMania sign. Rollins hits another. Tag to Show and he hits a chest slap on Bryan. Show slams Bryan, then tags Mercury who drops a quick elbow and a lariat off a rush. Noble dances like he's Shane-o-Mac and beats Bryan in the corner. Bryan comes back with kicks and punches but Noble puts Bryan into the heel corner. Mercury tags in but falls victim to a YES Lock. Rollins interferes and Mercury tags Kane who knocks Bryan down. Chokeslam but Reigns breaks the pin. Everyone gets into the ring and Kane gets a hold of Reigns. KO Punch by Show and Bryan's alone again. Rollins tags and it's a Buckle Bomb for two. Rollins yells shit at Bryan and tells him he won't make it to Fastlane. Show and Kane walk over to the Announce Table and start stripping it down. Everyones's in as, apparently, DQ's no longer exists. Here comes Ryback, Rowan and Ziggler. It's a Pier Six Brawl near the entrance ramp between the three heroes and three big heels. Ziggler manages to knock everyone down and it's J&J vs. Bryan. They go for a Double Superplex but Bryan fights them off and knocks them down. Hulk up time. Bryan goes off the top rope with a Double Missile Dropkick to both guys. Bryan hits YES Kicks on both Security guys, then knocks both out. Bryan sets up for the Flying Knee -- but Reigns gets on the mat, tags himself in, hits a Spear on Mercury and gets the win at 7:39.
WINNERS: Reigns & Bryan
RATING: **. Enjoyable for what it turned out to be but, overall, a booking mess.

Post-match, Reigns and Bryan argue. Reigns goes to leave. Bryan pulls him back in the ring and tells him not to talk away. He shoves Reigns who hits a Rebound Spear on Bryan.

Triple H and Steph watch on a TV backstage, laughing and liking what they see. Reigns stands tall as we off the air.

OVERALL: *. A boring show with filler galore and terrible booking. I know this should be par for the course. Maybe I still think this stuff can be good again.

Er, that's it.

150 comments:

  1. Current plans are for Seth Rollins to lose the Money In The Bank contract on Smackdown during an impromptu challenge match with Curtis Axel. But that could change.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Just a few weeks removed from the Royal Rumble, I'm already seeing Bryan backlash. So, not only does Creative not know which way is up, I'm not even sure the fans do."


    The absolute worst case scenario, because now NOBODY is universally accepted as "the guy" anymore. This company has no one to blame but themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  3. If that somehow happened I know one Neon clad, smirking wrestler who would be happy to take the lead and be at the top of the company..

    ReplyDelete
  4. I haven't even watched a show since the Rumble, but reading the reports, I was fearing fans might start to get apathetic to Bryan because the guy is not being booked to look good since he's been anchored down by Kane.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Raw put me to fucking sleep. I lost it right after the Cena/Rusev segment, and woke up for the "MAin Event", featuring one of the most dead crowds ever. Not one of the 5 heels had a shred of heel heat with that crowd. The show was just that... nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wanna laugh and point out your facetious nature.

    But Creative is far too capable of producing something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Two facebook page whinges means fuck all. I seriously have doubts about a Bryan backlash

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yeah, it just felt like nobody's heart was fully in it. I got this vibe that felt like nobody knew what the hell was happening.

    ReplyDelete
  9. No, you're right. I should have said, "at least two pages" in order to put in perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Clearly we needed THREE matches with Big Show and Kane next Monday night. That will surely be what it takes for the WWE Universe to "get" that they are supposed to boo these has-beens.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Didn't use Erick Rowan, didn't use Luke Harper. DQ-finished Ryback in 3 minutes. Cena in a feud with Russian Reigns. Ambrose completely wasted on the mid-card when he was feuding with Rollins...I've never seen such careless booking.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm gonna go ahead and assume the "Vince is insanely out of touch" crowd is right at this point.

    Somewhere in Stamford, CT, a shadowy figure sits behind a Pentium MMX (with an INTEL INSIDE sticker slowly peeling off). Cursing his mouse, he slowly clicks the next link on some long-forgotten Angelfire site, a pirated archive of Scott Keith's WCWF booking.

    Two weeks later, NXT is cancelled, and the WWE Network's live stream becomes "Roman Reigns Sings Every Song EVER!"

    ReplyDelete
  13. Don't forget the 3rd show in a row with the same stupid Curtis Axel segment, and 2nd Raw in a row where the whole point was Barrett telling Ambrose he wouldn't accept his challenge, because being a Jobbercontinental Champion will get his face on the walls at Titan Towers? I ended that on a question mark because it makes NO FUCKING SENSE.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Don't forget:

    "I'm calling out Sting at Fastlane because he's ruined EVERYTHING despite making 2 appearances in 4 months. But I need to know if he's gonna be there for me to call out. So I'm gonna call him out TONIGHT so I can truly know if I can call him out 2 weeks from now! Why am I calling him out at Fastlane if I can call him out tonight? Shut up, that's why."

    ReplyDelete
  15. (face palm) Tonight's Raw easily sucked any positive anticipation I had for Fast Lane. It wasn't much, but there's so little to look forward to. The only good stuff isn't considered important enough to push beyond "hey, it's a match. quit your bitcihing" like Cesaro/Kidd or any time Ziggler gets more than 2-minutes, and everything else is such a dreadful waste of time. I'm sorry to keep going back to this, but it's 2015. STOP PUSHING KANE AND BIG SHOW. I swear to God, I'd rather get 10 more years of Randy Orton pushes than seeing them protected against the top babyfaces in the company.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Also, I've never heard of either of those pages!

    Out of all the people last night, Bryan got the biggest notable pop.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What is the deal with Cena's eye? Was that something that happened in the Royal Rumble match, or some workout injury? Last week I was wondering if he just had pink eye, but I'm sure if he did they wouldn't let Rusev touch him.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bryan and Reigns are in a no-win situation here, and I feel for both of them. If you're Bryan, and your crowd reaction slips even a TINY bit, you're getting shunted out of that main event so fast it'll give you whiplash; and if you're Reigns, you have to carve out your own niche against the #1 face in the company whilst still ostensibly playing the babyface as well. It's insanity.

    I sure hope those extra buys that Bryan brought in for the Rumble were worth sacrificing the Reigns push, because that's what happened. I love Bryan, but there is no UNIVERSE in which he should have been back before Wrestlemania, ready to go or not. It just cuts off the legs of anyone who tries to get over in that #1 face spot during the most important time of year; plus, it takes away their post-Mania out they would have had if they would have waited.

    ReplyDelete
  19. To be fair, it does make sense that HHH would still be pissed at Sting even though the Survivor Series result has been reversed. If some guy hit you with his car and almost killed you, but then you made a full recovery, wouldn't you still be pissed at the guy for hitting you in the first place?

    ReplyDelete
  20. I knew a dude who had no idea who Alfred Hitchcock was. He basically dismissed somebody's entire body of filmic work because of that.

    Anyhow, it's good you don't know those pages. They're fun.

    ReplyDelete
  21. It's a fair point. It just seemed a bit silly to have Triple H call out Sting in order to know if Sting would be available to call out in two weeks. It just made no sense.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The Reigns-Bryan booking seemed like such an obvious opportunity for WWE to help elevate one of its true tag teams. You could've had HHH stick Reigns-Bryan in a match with a non-Authority team during the first segment -- Cesaro/Kidd, Goldust/Stardust, The Ascension, even a "friends reluctantly face off" deal with the tag team champion Usos -- and then made the 5-on-2 or gave them just Kane-Show in the main event. Or vice versa: Have Reigns-Bryan vs. Kane-Show first, and then stick it to the good guys even more by putting them against an allegedly dangerous tag team like one of those mentioned above. If you had, say, Cesaro and Kidd go out there and put on a show against Bryan and Reigns, guess what? I probably makes people want to see Cesaro and Kidd face the Usos at Fast Lane even more.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I heard of this crazy guy who thinks Beyonce is the greatest musical artist ever. He gets so mad at award shows when unworthy "musicians" steal her rightful awards, that he ends up making a big fool of himself.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Bryan is getting boos???...how the heck did that happen.

    ReplyDelete
  25. That part is silly. I'm pretty sure the "call out" at Fast Lane is just going to be a set up for Sting to catch an Authority beatdown, but there's no need for a call out to set up the call out.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm surprised Jay-Z hasn't taken Kanye into an alley and had some friends of his work him over. He's got a really weird obsession with Beyonce.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Seth Rollins wang no-sold this RAW

    ReplyDelete
  28. Seems he's packing more than just the briefcase...

    ReplyDelete
  29. I think Kanye is like Jay and Beyoncé's attack dog. Their image is that they're too classy to care about awards, so when Beyoncé gets snubbed, they send Crazy Kanye up there to let everyone know about it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Just saw the fake Sting segment. Might have been the worst stunt double since Spaceballs.

    ReplyDelete
  31. If Mizdow is no longer Miz's stunt double, there's technically no reason to keep calling him Mizdow.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Next week on Raw... HHH calls out Seth's wang as a prelude to calling
    out his wang live on the pre-show where we'll find out if Seth's wang
    accepts a showdown with HHH at Fastlane to determine whether he'll face Seth's wang in a match at Wrestlemania.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm with Barrett - why does Ambrose deserve even an IC title shot? He's looked like a scrub in almost every match lately.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sandow can only be in SO many places at once...

    ReplyDelete
  35. Face-sitting accident.

    ReplyDelete
  36. It reminded me of movies like "Naked Gun" and "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" where they have intentionally long shots of stunt doubles who don't match.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I don't much care for Ziggler but even I feel bad for him. Stuck with manic depressive booking like that has gotta be rough.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Is this Ambrose-Axel mini-feud supposed to be a promotion for Axel, or a demotion for Ambrose?

    ReplyDelete
  39. They're reminding us that we don't actually want to see Ambrose because he's not a big star like Roman.

    ReplyDelete
  40. There is absolutely nothing classy about Jay Z

    ReplyDelete
  41. Not sure if you mean Shawn Carter the real person or the Jay Z the character, but you're wrong on both.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Rowan was out there during the main event.

    ReplyDelete
  43. He'd probably have done it ten times better, tbh.

    He looked more like X-Pac than X-Pac did!

    ReplyDelete
  44. I don't really think the fans are booing him, as such - I think it's more a booing of the product, the storylines and the supposed logic involved.

    ReplyDelete
  45. The list of folk who have been fucked over by the booking team in the last year is embarrassing. Ziggler, Ambrose, Cesaro - just for starters, any of those three would be main-eventing in any other promotion by now, imo.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Next week's RAW card:

    Big Show and Kane v Reigns

    Bryan v Kane

    Backstage skit with HHH, Rollins and Big Show

    Bryan v Big Show

    Big Show and Kane and Rollins v Reigns

    Backstage skit with Kane

    Main event: Kane and Big Show and Fandango in a El Tango de la Muerte match.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I'm glad I watched Better Call Saul instead of RAW. Much better show. I am really liking it so far. The negotiation scene was hilarious and then it got disturbing.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Nikki's reverse cowgirl got a bit out of hand.

    ReplyDelete
  49. So they did use him!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Barely. If you count a small run-in and getting a quick beatdown as some sort of "use". All I'm saying is that we don't need to see two matches with Kane and Big Show in it.

    ReplyDelete
  51. One small positive (I know, I know) - Reigns' mic work last night was much better. Simple, to the point and much more natural feeling.

    It's a small positive, I know, but it's a start for him. The crowd will take to him much better if he's allowed to be himself rather than "Comedy Rock Lite"

    ReplyDelete
  52. He's much better when he's soft-spoken. It underscores just how brutal he can be in the ring. Being a smartass is The Rock's job, not Reigns'.

    ReplyDelete
  53. This sounds fucking awful. Even reading it took an age (solid writing though).

    If you have two faces duking it out for the Mania main event and neither can cleanly beat Big Show and Kane... ugh, what's the point?

    And if they've somehow managed to erode the one unanimously positive reaction one of their stars was receiving then the company is fucked.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Rikishi is going into the HOF?!?!?! Lame

    ReplyDelete
  55. Sorry for the length of the report. I've taken Scott's advice and edited matches to the point where I report major moves and/or the most important bits of each match that are relevant to the ultimate outcome. The issue is that the thing is the 3 hour length of the show. Even when I try to trim the sucker, it always ends up being as long as it is.

    ReplyDelete
  56. That's about the long and the short of it.

    ReplyDelete
  57. "His sons, the Usos WHO JUST FUCKING LOST THEIR MATCH still wrestle in WWE!"

    ReplyDelete
  58. There's a lot I've always like about Noble. Sadly his will always be a hindrance.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I don't know what this relates to, but it's probably best someone finds out you're a cheater before a big wedding than after.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Oh! Is that what all this Rollins picture stuff is about? I see....

    ReplyDelete
  61. You can catch up here:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/more-sports/nude-pics-wwe-stars-seth-rollins-zahra-schreiber-surface-article-1.2109319

    ReplyDelete
  62. Dude seems like a giant douchebag. Somebody was telling me that they read some groupie story about him and how he's a total ass to women on the road.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Not blaming you at all. You can only recap what's in front of you. The number of meaningless three minute matches is something else.

    HHH can complain about the extra hour, but I'm certain that at two hours the shows would still be a badly booked mess.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Don't you mean he's a "dick"?

    ReplyDelete
  65. Speaking of Cena, does that fucker ever age?

    ReplyDelete
  66. Did Seth send the nudes to the developmental chick or to his fiance? Can they punish Seth for sending nudes to his fiance?

    ReplyDelete
  67. I'm sure they could punish him for any personal conduct that causes an image problem for WWE.

    At the very least, he allowed someone to use his account to briefly place a naked pucture on the WWE website.

    At the very least, I don't think we will see him on Smackdown...probably for his own good.

    ReplyDelete
  68. I think feyonce found photos of the other girl, and then leaked photos she already had of Seth, unless she found those photos in his sent folder to the other girl

    ReplyDelete
  69. I think the most likely is that Seth was hacked and they posted the Diva's pic. Fiance sees it and reacts with the pics she posted.



    The fiance finding the diva's photo and posting them to Seth's twitter could happen but it's his WWE official Twitter so I doubt she would have access to it's log in unless he left it logged on somewhere.


    Her reaction was super fast. She didn't hesitate a second to post Seth's pictures though.

    ReplyDelete
  70. It is truly heelish behaviour. Is this all part of the realityfabe era? Tune in to Smackdown to find out!

    ReplyDelete
  71. It's kayfabulous.

    ReplyDelete
  72. So, you try to justify being incorrect by saying he was barely used? Then try to change the topic to Big Show and Kane.


    Poor form.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Healthy relationship. No waiting to discuss, see what happened, just boom! Posting revenge porn. Me thinks maybe Seth has previous.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Curtis Axel is going to WrestleMania! Just like the fans demanded.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Her quick reaction was the nuclear option. Must have been a last straw occurrence.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Apparently you have to see Seth Rollin's penis in person to appreciate how big it is

    ReplyDelete
  77. People on the monday night threat talking about how unimpressive it was. Didn't realise the board had such high standards!

    ReplyDelete
  78. They would lose nothing if they just make their own version of the Wargames: One Ring (WWE doesn't need two rings, because the WWFe ring was always bigger than the NWA/WCW ones. ;-)) with a HIAC Cage around it and every two minutes or so comes a member of each team into the cage until everyone is inside and then the first pin counts OR they can change it to elimination rules so that you get a mix of Wargames and Survivor Series. They can even change the name to something like: Rage in the Cage. ;-) Or Wrestlewar. ;-) Or Wrestlegames. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  79. "Mean" Dean AndrewsFebruary 10, 2015 at 4:35 AM

    It has "American" in the name. In Vince's eyes this equals about 10k buys right there, brother!

    ReplyDelete
  80. Did anyone else get a kick out of Hunter selling seeing "Sting" like getting shot with a cannon ball? ROFL

    ReplyDelete
  81. I said to someone below, I don't think they're booing Bryan precisely, but more booing the convoluted and stupid booking that smacks of frantic backpedalling, lack of imagination and fear of genuinely pushing new people (hence why we're swamped with Big Show and Kane constantly).

    ReplyDelete
  82. Matt_INDEED_Was_Bayless'd!February 10, 2015 at 4:38 AM

    "The Usos, who just lost, celebrate..." This fucking company.

    Great review, Matt. My only problem -- it's THE Ohio State University. :) Get it right brutha.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Maybe he'll be like one of those women who stays absolutely stunning all through their youth, 20s, 30s, then somewhere around 38 snaps, overnight, into a tiny wrinkly prune-person.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Matt_INDEED_Was_Bayless'd!February 10, 2015 at 4:41 AM

    He didit for da rock.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Matt_INDEED_Was_Bayless'd!February 10, 2015 at 4:42 AM

    I thought the length was fine. It feels like half the length of Andy's.

    ReplyDelete
  86. I don't know, I watched Rumble 2005 recently and the guy looked like Justin Bieber

    ReplyDelete
  87. ...as the Diva said to Seth Rollins.

    Heyyyyooooooooo!

    ReplyDelete
  88. How would that work? Is she a contortionist? I think it was regular cowgirl. Nice review btw. You should review everything.

    ReplyDelete
  89. TJ: Spider-Man is officially a part of the Marvel movie universe!!! Fuck sports entertainment.. Their lousy booking can't bring me down today.. WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

    http://marvel.com/news/movies/24062/sony_pictures_entertainment_brings_marvel_studios_into_the_amazing_world_of_spider-man

    ReplyDelete
  90. He would have already been logged in via his phone. And the fiancee posted comments to the NXT girl that she found on the phone on Facebook. No nebulous hacker required.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Extant1979 - Mr. Cable AccessFebruary 10, 2015 at 5:35 AM

    Fucking Ohio State.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Extant1979 - Mr. Cable AccessFebruary 10, 2015 at 5:37 AM

    If they are, in fact, Reigns marks, I think that means they do not recognize that Bryan-Lesnar would be the better match.

    ReplyDelete
  93. So you guys think Seths dick is small? His dick looks almost exactly like mine. Now I'm sad.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Yeah, saw that earlier. So fucking awesome. My guess is Spiderman isin a post credit scene for AoU then he's fully in Cap 3: Civil War, that movie is going to be insane! Then obviously Infinity Wars.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Because he didn't lose to sin cara.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Proper bunch of size queens, BoDers!

    ReplyDelete
  97. Fucking National Champion Ohio State!

    ReplyDelete
  98. I didn't see the picture but I was surprised Seth's dick got more inspection and talk than the diva's did.

    But you think YOURE sad? Imagine how seth feels. People measuring his dick are the least of his worries.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Twice in one fucking NIGHT, no less. I mean, this is a company that's afraid to give Cesaro, or guys like The Ascension ANY room to shine or possibly win new fans, and yet they give these tired old dinosaurs Kane and Show TWO fucking marquee spots on the show to stink up the arena? What the very real FUCK?

    ReplyDelete
  100. Would it be okay if I declined comment on Seth Rollins' dick to lament the fact that in 2015 Kane and Big Show are still in the main event?

    ReplyDelete
  101. Can I join you in your lamentation?

    ReplyDelete
  102. Seth is pretty ripped.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Bit of a rookie move taking a dick pic with the rest of the body in there for size reference. Gotta do a closeup so even a teeny tiny todger looks like a monster

    ReplyDelete
  104. Time doesn't get into bed for less than 7 inches!

    ReplyDelete
  105. Well, the diva was good looking but honestly she is a nobody. I feel bad for Seth, I hope Vince doesn't punish him. It sounds like both leaks are his finances doing.

    ReplyDelete
  106. One of them was a kinda close up.

    ReplyDelete
  107. I think this may be enough WWE again for a while. I'm just not interested in sexts, and interpersonal twitter drama. That's high school shit, and something that I have always been thankful didn't yet exist when I was in high school.

    ReplyDelete
  108. I better take another look then

    ReplyDelete
  109. Now would be a great time to introduce the Solomon Crowe hacker gimmick though

    ReplyDelete
  110. I hope it doesn't either. It's a weird situation yes but he's been doing quality work on TV and has been a breakout star for them this year.

    ReplyDelete
  111. So, got some time to kill. What PPV should I watch on the Network?

    ReplyDelete
  112. Makes me wish, however horrible it may at this point have become, that WCW was still around as an option for guys like the ones you mentioned, plus guys who OUGHT to be main eventing for the title right now like Bryan, Punk, and Rollins. If WCW were around, I doubt even the stupidest McMahon (that would be Idiot Tits Steph, for those keeping score at home) would have allowed RAW to degenerate to the point that it has. I mean, imagine it, if you will....Ziggler pulling a "Pillman", laying flat-ass down for Bray, eating a three, and then popping up and going "There ya go, Hunter. I'm DONE with this garbage company. See you guys next Monday on Nitro."

    Mic drop.

    TELL me that wouldn't get people talking, and wouldn't be better for everyone involved.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Vengeance 2005

    ReplyDelete
  114. For Christ's sake, WCW had a better fake Sting, and that was using 1998 special effects!

    ReplyDelete
  115. Extant1979 - Mr. Cable AccessFebruary 10, 2015 at 6:05 AM

    Where does the THE go there? Before National or before Ohio?


    It's an AP Style question...

    ReplyDelete
  116. Thanks, will do. I remember liking this hell in a cell match I believe.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Revenge porn is terrible, male or female. It really does ruin lives, no matter how bad you might think cheating is. Wish people weren't such assholes. Wish everyone... could just be nicer, you know?

    ReplyDelete
  118. Same. Intense as hell. Plus a beauty triple threat and Angle/HBK II.

    ReplyDelete
  119. One of the hazards of getting near Bella-gina without the proper protection. I mean, one stray squirt is all it takes....

    ReplyDelete
  120. What would Harley Do? Not take a fucking dick pic.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Two matches on this show? Seth Rollins was a little overexposed tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  122. WM 26 is worth an honorable mention.

    Michaels/Taker - possibly the two biggest legends of Wrestlemania one on one following on from the 5 star the year before with Shawn's career on the line
    Cena/Batista - two biggest stars of recent times
    Jericho/Edge - two of the best workers of recent times
    Hart/McMahon - so much history. Bret's first WWE match in 12 years
    Punk/Mysterio
    Sheamus/HHH - probably sounds a bigger match now than it was then
    MITB

    ReplyDelete
  123. Thanks for posting these. Trying to get into more Japanese stuff and these help.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Yeah but at least in later years the only ones I can think of are maybe Benoit/Hart in the tourney finals at Mayhem, the 4 corners match at Spring Stampede 99, Goldberg/Steiner if that was the ME of Fall Brawl that year, DDP/Macho and that is about it.

    ReplyDelete
  125. WOOOOOOOOOO, BOOKED FOR THE PPV BITCHES!!!
    TO HELL WITH YOU DENNIS STAMP!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  126. I think this was the last great WCW show.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Yeah, this is awesome news! I'm going to guess Spidey has a post credit scene in Age of Ultron then he'll be in Civil War.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Is he still going to be andrew Garfield?

    ReplyDelete
  129. Starrcade 88 gets my vote just because they spent so long hyping it up... the build up to Survivor Series 89 was months in the making but didn't deliver


    Havoc 98 is a great card on paper in retrospect but WCW was the dirt worst at hyping their ppvs cards or even announcing undercard matches

    ReplyDelete
  130. I was pretty amped up for Rumble 92 as well

    ReplyDelete
  131. I never got to see Zeus vs Smash at Rumble'89... still bummed out about it

    ReplyDelete
  132. until you eliminate LOD and Demolition in a 4 man DQ 5 minutes into your opening match and kill the crowd... they all knew what was coming

    ReplyDelete
  133. Shawn was more worried about getting bodyguard Diesel over than Perfect, and the match showed it

    ReplyDelete
  134. Commotion at the Ocean?

    ReplyDelete
  135. Raven may have been a member of the job squad at this point, but he brought the goods in this match.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Those of us who were there needed bathroom break matches for a 4.5 hour show.

    ReplyDelete
  137. I was psyched enough to buy tickets.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Shawn was never really a GREAT worker as a heel--he just didn't have the offense for it.

    ReplyDelete
  139. ^^^THIS is why VINCE doesn't get it..damn shame no one reads these

    ReplyDelete
  140. I thought if Rick was Marty, that made Judy 1-2-3 Kid!

    ReplyDelete
  141. Yes. Beverlys vs Bushwackers, Disasters vs LOD, Jamison!!! Lol. That event was one, maybe two match card.

    ReplyDelete
  142. it sucks though that all these matches could have happened but injuries and timing prevented it from happening

    ReplyDelete
  143. Great card and they managed to screw it up at Havoc 98. Goldberg/DDP and the Steiners were good. Warrior/Hogan was of course epically awful. I had been hoping they would put Warrior over and set up Hogan's face turn. I figured no way Warrior came back just to lose a match. Hart/Sting, both those guys are bullet proof, either one could have gone over and it would have been good. Hart made the most sense since Sting was taking time off. So why did Hart have to win with a bat? Stupid.

    ReplyDelete