Date: September 30, 1999
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
Thankfully this is another live Thunder (well liveish. It's airing at about 11pm due to a baseball game but at least it's not the second show of a taping) which tends to be a lot easier to sit through (not good mind you) than the dreaded taped versions. It's still about the old guys fighting over backstabbing and lying or Goldberg crushing Sid's car because Sid is still a major thing in WCW for whatever reason. Let's get to it.
Long intro to start with Tenay and Zbyszko talking about people who won't be appearing on this show.
Psychosis/La Parka/Juventud Guerrera vs. Villano IV/Villano V/Silver King
This is Psychosis' first match since losing the mask. La Parka tells Silver King to get out of his way so dance time but King channels his inner villain from Footloose and kicks him in the face. An elbow to the jaw staggers La Parka again but Silver King accidentally hits his partners, causing a bit of a flare up. It's off to IV and Psychosis with the unmasked one scoring with a dropkick.
There's no other way to put this: Psychosis has a weird face. It looks like it needs to be stretched another few inches to make it fit properly. Anyway he rolls out of a tilt-a-whirl slam and chops away at IV before whipping him into a springboard dropkick from Guerrera. A powerslam gets two for Juvy before it's off to V for a dropkick. Not exactly the most thrilling stuff at the moment.
King comes back in and grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two on Psychosis before just kicking him in the face. Back to Five for a pretty sweet top rope DDT before King comes back in for the same, only not from the top. A double gutbuster has Psychosis in even more trouble but La Parka comes in to take one of them out.
Everything breaks down and La Parka hits a nice corkscrew dive over the top to take out the Villanos and Juvy, leaving King to lay out Psychosis in the ring. The Villanos come back in and accidentally nail King (never hire villains to do a partner's job), allowing La Parka to take out IV. Juvy Driver to V, setting up the guillotine legdrop from Psychosis for the pin.
Rating: C-. Not bad here but at the end of the day, the Villanos and Silver King aren't the most thrilling guys in the world. It's amazing how far Guerrera has fallen in quality as he used to be right there with Kidman and Mysterio but now he's just kind of there. The division has fallen on hard times since Mysterio forgot he was a cruiserweight and started hanging out with Konnan.
Adrian Byrd vs. Norman Smiley
Smiley easily wrestles him down to start but walks into a dropkick. A right hand just gets on Norman's nerves so he hits the spinning slam and loads up his dance. Not the Big Wiggle but it's better than nothing. There's something hilarious about that move and I think it's due to Norman's face as he does it.
Byrd comes back with a series of punches and counters a monkey flip attempt with a cradle for two. A suplex and slam get two each on Norman and we hit the chinlock. This is more offense than I was expecting from Byrd boy. Smiley easily fights up and hits a nice butterfly suplex, followed by the Norman's Conquest for the win.
Rating: D+. Much like most matches like this one I'm not sure what there is to say about it. Smiley got beaten up for a bit and then came back with some implied male rape involved. I could have gone for a bigger push for Norman as he was clearly over and talented but he got stuck in the stupid hardcore thing soon after this.
Gene brings out Mona for a chat. He praises her for her record in WCW, which is something like 5-1 or so. Mona brings up all the people she's fought and is looking forward to new competition. Yeah there were some shenanigans last week, but you have to just keep going. Brandi Alexander sneaks up on her and chokes Mona with a gown. A suplex on the floor sets up a match that was scheduled for later in the night.
Mona vs. Brandi Alexander
Mona is a bit shaken up but gets an early two off a cross body. A jawbreaker drops her though and the fans aren't thrilled. Brandi takes Mona's glove off for more choking, followed by some hair pulling. Apparently there are some new matches for Halloween Havoc. We won't be hearing what they are at the moment, but those matches have indeed been set up. Brandi kicks her in the ribs before choking and kicking at the ribs even more. I can see why she isn't exactly a household name.
A bad looking backslide gets two for Mona and she gets poked in the eye to put her right back down. To give you an idea of her offensive skills, Brandi gets two off a suplex and hiptoss. Brandi misses an enziguri but Mona can't get an Indian deathlock. She can however hit a Thesz press and right hands before a side slam gets two. Mona was even nice enough to get off of her before Brandi rolled her shoulder up. A handspring elbow crushes Alexander in the corner, setting up a top rope Frankensteiner for the pin.
Rating: D+. Brandi is just not very good. It also doesn't help that she isn't the best looking woman in the world and when you had Trish Stratus debuting in the WWF a few months after this, there really was no reason for this division to exist. I use the word division loosely as I don't think there are more than three or four girls in the company at the moment.
Ad for Flair and Hogan VHS's.
Dean Roll vs. Frankie Lancaster
You probably know Roll better as Shark Boy. Feeling out process to start with Frankie nailing a shoulder and grabbing a headlock. Frankie easily takes him down and cranks on the leg before hitting a flip splash to the knee. A legdrop gets two on Dean but here's Scott Norton to beat up both guys for the no contest.
Norton wants Goldberg and apparently we've flashed back to 1998.
After a break, Goldberg comes out to accept the challenge and tells Sid that the clock is ticking. Somehow this took nearly three minutes.
Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs vs. Dave Taylor/Steven Regal
Finlay is here with the Brits. Regal hammers on Morrus to start and fires off some European uppercuts. Off to Knobbs for the Pit Stop and Regal's face is one of the funniest things I've seen in years. Taylor comes in due to Regal's stomach ailments but eats a bunch of headbutts from Knobbs. Dave gets a Pit Stop of his own which ticks him off so much that he stops a charging Knobbs with a boot in the corner. Finlay tries to swing a chair at Knobbs but gets cut off by security and ejected. Well there goes the best part of the match.
The distraction lets Taylor get in a flag shot to Knobbs before sending him into the steps. Regal gets in some knee lifts before Taylor slaps on a front facelock. The Brits keep up the fast tags and Taylor hammers away with uppercuts and right hands in the corner. A chinlock has Knobbs in trouble but Regal runs into an elbow in the corner. The hot tag brings in Morrus (are the First Family the faces here?) and everything breaks down. Knobbs hits a kind of pumphandle slam on Taylor, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin.
Rating: D+. Who was I supposed to be cheering for in this match? The First Family has never shown any reason for me to like them but they were certainly acting like the faces in this match. Then again, Knobbs is WCW's definition of a legend and therefore I'm sure we're supposed to cheer for them.
Here's the Revolution to talk about Shane cheating recently. Saturn tells Douglas that this team lives by a code of ethics and if he tries that one more time then he's out of the group. Douglas apologizes and says you can't stop greatness.
Bobby Eaton vs. Luther Biggs
They bring someone as good as Eaton back for THIS? Luther is Coach Buzz Sawyer's protege if you've blocked this out of your memory. Biggs throws him out of the corner to start and drop toeholds him down into a headlock. Back up and Bobby hiptosses him to the floor so Stern can give him a pep talk. Back in and Biggs gets in a knee to the ribs to take over again but takes WAY too long going to the middle rope for a legdrop. Eaton hammers away but gets dropped by a shoulder. The coach and student start jawing though, allowing Bobby to ram them together and grab a quick neckbreaker for the pin.
Rating: F. THAT'S what I sat through all those stupid promos for? A four minute match with Bobby Eaton getting the pin? Eaton is a great guy but was there any real need for this match to take place? Biggs is a stupid character and Sawyer isn't much better. Bad match, bad idea, bad execution, bad use of someone as good as Eaton.
Stern dives in post match, which makes me think he missed a cue. Stern puts both of them in a full nelson and yells at Biggs as they leave.
Brad Armstrong vs. Horace Hogan
I can easily live with people like Eaton and Armstrong getting more TV time, but could they be against each other instead of in these matches? Brad takes Horace down with ease but gets thrown across the ring and kicked in the gut. An armbar doesn't get Brad anywhere as Horace kicks him down again, only to miss a running elbow. Brad hammers away in the corner and dropkicks him out to the floor.
That goes nowhere so Horace goes back to just kicking him before throwing Brad outside. Tenay actually brings up one of the matches at Halloween Havoc: Hart vs. Luger. Oh sorry I mean the Total Package, who is totally different from the Total Package Lex Luger. Horace keeps up the bad offense and drops Armstrong with a clothesline. A suplex gets two on Brad but he avoids a charge in the corner and hits the Russian legsweep for the pin.
Rating: D. Geez how did they manage to make Brad Armstrong and Bobby Eaton boring in the same night? Horace is just a big lug who doesn't get anywhere and this really didn't make me want to see Armstrong vs. Berlyn. Then again, offering me a million bucks to sit through that match wouldn't make me want to see it. I'd do it of course but I wouldn't want to.
Kendall Windham/Curly Bill vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman
Oh come on now. Rey and Kendall get things going with Mysterio hammering away but diving into a boot to the face. A springboard seated senton gets two on Windham but he comes back with a kick to the ribs and slam to put Rey back down. Kendall hits a few clotheslines and slams him down one more time before getting two off a belly to back suplex.
Off to Curly (see it's funny because he's bald) for a suplex and some elbow drops and a suplex before he throws Rey outside. Back in with Rey hitting a springboard missile dropkick and making the tag to Kidman, who is promptly nailed by a clothesline from Windham. A belly to back superplex gets two on Kidman with Rey making the save and it's back to the floor because the heels don't know how to keep a match going for more than fifteen seconds.
Hennig gets in some cheap shots before throwing him back inside for chops from Kendall. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Kidman fights up with a jawbreaker and Bodog, setting up the double tag. Rey cleans house and Kidman just stops running to counter an Irish whip. So you can't Irish whip Kidman either? Kidman launches Rey into a seated senton to Kendall before Curly gets in some cheap shots. He goes up top for no other reason than to have Rey nail him and hook a top rope Frankensteiner for the pin, just like in the women's match.
Rating: D. Egads just disband the cowboys already. Without Hennig or Barry in there to run things, the team is exposed for the horrible workers they are and that's never a good thing. Bad match here with Kidman and Rey being wasted on another horrible team, though to be fair they're still light years ahead of the Clowns.
Goldberg vs. Scott Norton
Norton still has an NWO logo on his singlet. Goldberg wins a slugout to start and punches him over the top rope. They hammer on each other again with Norton chopping him backwards and sending Goldberg face first into the post. Goldberg sends him right back into the post before they get back in the ring to keep hitting each other very hard. A hard short arm clothesline drops Goldberg again but both guys try flying shoulders at the same time for an awkward looking collision. Back up and it's spear into Jackhammer for the pin.
Rating: D+. This was Norton's last match in WCW and I can't say I'm going to miss him. It's just a bunch of power brawling with limited selling and you can only sacrifice small people to him to set up another Goldberg loss so many times. Basically he's a short version of Sid with a bigger chest and no one needs another Sid.
Overall Rating: F. Did I mention this show was on around midnight and WCW knew no one was going to watch it? The wrestlers clearly didn't care and it's very telling how bad these stories are as we head into Halloween Havoc. It's also incredibly clear that this is the most top loaded company in a long time as outside of the main event, there is NOTHING interesting going on right now, and the main event is some of the dullest stuff in years. Bad show that didn't need to exist, which is the case with almost every episode of this show.
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