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This has nothing to do with the WWE




After winning the Riverdale Block Party Brawl at BoD Fastlane, GM Bayless and his Administration have reclaimed their office. The Riverdale Covenant are no longer occupying the office as their leader, Archie Stackhouse, was in a house that was blown up by Jesse Baker. Lets check out the Administration as they re-acclimate themselves:

GM: (Still Selling his injuries from the BoD Rumble) Well, it did not happen as I thought it would, but here we are, back again. Justice Gray, you did a fine job in my absence (Rest of the Administration applaud). Now, after beating the Riverdale Covenant on their home turf, I am confident that we can beat them on our home turf. (Looks at Bill Ray) Being the crown jewel of the Authority, I will choose you to represent us as you take on the lead soldier of the Riverdale, Robert Davis. And at BoD Mania II, you will face off. If you win, the Covenant is mine. And in the rare chance that you lose, I will step down from my role as the GM. But, with you under my wing and the Administration by your side, there is no way you will lose. You know how I take care of the Administration. And yes, at the BoD Rumble when I accidentally eliminated you, I was wrong. I even lost some sleep. But, that will not stop me as I help groom you into the BoD's top star of the future. Now, will you accept this match on behalf of the Administration, who want you to lead us?

Ray: (looks around then pauses).......yes, I do accept. 

GM: (smiles then approaches Ray) You made a great choice. After BoD Mania, the Riverdale Covenant will end up just like Archie Stackhouse. They will be a thing of the past. Buried six-feet under. Blown into smithereens. After BoD Mania, the Administration will regain some former members that have left and they will be punished. They will be dealt with later. As for now, I have to make decisions regarding the BoD Money on the Table Match at BoD Mania II. 

(The rest of the Administration leave as GM Bayless and Gray stay behind)



Hart Killer vs. Phrederic

Hart Killer is coming out in a vintage Garea '81 coat as he holds a 10 lbs bag of rotten kiwifruit. He is focused on making sure Kaptain Kiwi and his legendary mentor, Sir Tony Garea of Auckland, New Zealand. Match starts with Hart Killer trying to attack Phrederic from behind but he fails. Phrederic fires away then sends Hart Killer to the floor with a clothesline. Phrederic rolls Hart Killer back inside and gets two off of a gutbuster. He tries for a backdrop but Hart Killer boots him in the face then takes him down with a super kick. Hart Killer then works over the back before putting on the Sharpshooter, making Phrederic tap out. After the match, Hart Killer breaks the hold then starts stomping Phrederic's arm. He is refusing to stop and even shoves down the referee. Hart Killer now drapes the arm of Phrederic over the apron and kicks it a few more times then grabs the bag of rotten kiwifruit and starts bashing it against the arm of Phrederic. Hart Killer finally stops then laughs as he pulls out a can of Anchor Cheese, the finest processed can cheddar in all of New Zealand, that has his face on the label as he shoves it towards the camera lens, screaming about how he is the new face of Anchor Cheese. He then turns it around as it reads "RIP JOHNNY," which is in reference to Sir Tony's older brother Johnny, who will die if Kaptain Kiwi does not win the BoD Solid B+ Player Title at BoD Mania II so he can win the Anchor Cheese endorsement deal that will give Tony the money to pay for Johnny's treatments. Does Hart Killer have a heart?



Backstage, Strike Force are warming up. Mar Solo is running around with two pots of coffee as he is too hyper for the Stair Master as Matt Indeed repeatedly takes off his windbreaker as to not get his arms caught in his sleeves again. All of a sudden, Curtzerker and Biff Kensington III walk by:

BKIII: Well, you two again. You know, if you beat us, you could have gone to BoD Mania II to face off against the champs. But, you just couldnt get it done. We got the win, and you got the Hoss. Whoops.....haha, I mean you got the loss. 

The Berzerker: HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS!!!!!!!!!

Mar Solo (Running around like a crystal meth tweaker) LETS TALK ABOUT THIS OVER COFFEE!!!!!!!! (Coffee spilling everywhere as the others are getting burned). 

BKIII: Well, we have a match coming up next. Have fun with your coffee and Chrysler Lebaron. 

As they leave, Matt Indeed stares them down as Mar Solo is going apeshit on the Stair Master. 



Backstage, "Marvelous" Matt Perri and Miss Danielle are walking around backstage in a disguise as they are afraid that the Stranger will find them. They panic when the lights went out briefly but it was just because Perri hit the switch by accident. The duo scurry away as the camera pans out as we see a trail of mist travel by...........



Curtzerker w/ Biff Kensington III vs. "Happening" Harry Broadhurst & Jose Gomez


Before the match, Broadhurst alerts us that he has re-written the book on Harry Facts and will introduce fact #1 tonight. Match starts as the HUSS section is in full effect. The Berzerker tries to make his way over but BKIII directs him back on the apron. Williams beats on Gomez for a bit then tags the Berzerker, who HUSSES as he chops away. He then looks over at the HUSS Section as they get louder and louder. BKIII orders him to attack as Gomez tries for a tag but Broadhurst pulls away his hand then grabs the mic as he gives us Harry Fact #1 " HARRY NEVER DOES THE JOB!!!!!!" Williams tags and puts Gomez in the HUSS lock as The Berzerker loudly HUSSES in the face of Gomez, who taps out. Afterwards, a few members of the HUSS section run out and celebrate with The Berzerker, who HUSSES back at them until the fans are tackled by White Coat Security.



The Midcard Mafia are backstage. Nick Piers signs a copy of his work, "The Armadillo Mysteries" for a young fan as Steve Ferrari walks by.

Ferrari: Wow, you get the Tag Team Titles and write a book and now you think you are a big shot?
Piers: Dude, I thought we were cool?
Ferrari: (Intense look then laughs) Man, I was messing with you (shakes his hand). As a matter of fact, I have a celebration  planned for us tonight. 
Magoonie: Whoa, that sounds like a lot of money. We are just midcarders. I got just $3.76 for my BoD Mania Video Game check so the GM can park in a heated garage for the Winter. 
Ferrari: I got some extra cash after I bet on the Williams College Soap Box Derby. We are going to a lounge across the street. 
Piers: Do they have two-fers? Or do you have a coupon
Ferrari: No, lets go party in style. 



Andy PG heads over to GM Bayless. He asks him about having a battle royal to honor Officer Farva at BoD Mania II. GM says that seems like a fine idea and that at the show, there will be a 30-Man battle royal.



In the ring stand the Upper Midcard Express. They each have a microphone as they are yelling for a rematch. But it is not the music of the Midcard Mafia but rather a sad trombone solo of jobbers Slip Karstens and the Immortal, Bop Watkins. The UMX are still talking over each other as they demand a match.


Upper Midcard Express vs. Slip Karstens & Bop Watkins

The UMX destroy their lowly opponents. Petuka picks up Watkins and hits a Petuka Bazooka. kbjone then hits Karstens with the One-and-Done then they race over to see who can make the pin first as the ref coutns to three and they both celebrate, believing they are the winners. Petuka says that he won the match as kbjone said he won the match as they now argue as to who did in fact score the pin against the two scrubs. These two are now yelling in each others faces.



Backstage, DBSM and the C-List Posse are about to prepare for their Fantasy Baseball League. The others console DBSM as last night he lost his chance at an undefeated season in the BoD Fantasy Hockey League. Anyway, who is the commissioner of the league, none other than failed San Francisco Giants Catching prospect, Steve Decker! Wow, you cant get more C-List than that.





Biscuit walks by and see the league forming as DBSM makes it a point to tell him that he is not on the list. Mark Linn Baker even gets in a jab at Biscuit, saying that he would never get into Tina Yothers' party by driving a beat up Buick Regal. The C-Listers now laugh as they head into the draft room as Biscuit looks on in anger as he clutches onto his dinner, a pair of Slim Jims.



Next week, the Job Mob will be here in full effect as they are currently celebrating after retaining their titles at BoD Fastlane.



Also next week, BoD Medical Professional, Miss Diagnosis, will be on air and say whether or not Kaptain Kiwi will be able to perform at BoD Mania



Backstage, Abeyance is with GM Bayless. He asks for a title shot but Cultstatus runs up and scoots him away. Cult demands a rematch against Jobber. GM Bayless tells Cult he can wait his turn as Abeyance speaks up but Cult cuts him off, asking him what he has ever done to get a rematch. Abeyance then tells Cult that he almost won but Cult again cuts him off to say that he is not in his league and that they have nothing in common but Abeyance says that they do because they both lost to Jobber. Cult gets furious and asks Abeyance who has he ever beat. Abeyance says he can beat anyone as Cult laughs and walks away. Abeyance then tells the GM that he wants a match next week. The GM says he will think about it.



Bill Ray is backstage. He is with Rockstar Gary and a possibly drunk Average Joe Everyman. He asks them about this match and if he made the right decision. Gary tells him that he did and that he can finally end the Riverdale Covenant once and for all. Ray says that might be a good thing then looks over in his locker and sees the Letterman's jacket that was placed in his locker room. It appears that Ray is conflicted.



Jef Vinson vs. Paul Meekin

Vinson comes out here as he is determined. Vinson comes out swinging at the Meekster. He hits him with some combos in the corner. Vinson gets caught with a knee as he charges then Meekin gets two off of a slam. Meekin sets up for the Earthquake splash but Vinson rolls away. Vinson is up first then slides underneath Meekin and hits a dropkick. Vinson tries for the TKO but fails as Meekin blocked that move. Meekin hits some chops and throat thrusts then whips Vinson into the corner but Meekin misses a splash then Vinson drops him with an uppercut for the win. He celebrates but wait just a minute!!! The Job Mob run in from the stands. They ambush him but Vinson fights them off. The Job Mob then overpower Vinson as they have him down on the mat. Theye get a table and lay Vinson across and hold him in place as Zanatude tries a top rope splash but Vinson breaks free as Zanatude crashes through. Vinson then drops Chartock and Murph as he leaves. The Job Mob were obviously sent here by Jobber but Vinson escaped. Will he do so every week until BoD Mania II?

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT


Comments

  1. He does not respect Sir Tony Garea and his brother.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Theberzerker, #HUSSAPPROVEDMarch 2, 2015 at 9:22 PM

    *PHEW*...no repercussions from the boss. Fucking wrestler's court has me cleaning all of Hoss' scoops & spoons, but as long as I gets mah TV time, I'll take it. Relieved huss.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dont HUSS the small stuff

    ReplyDelete
  4. Theberzerker, #HUSSAPPROVEDMarch 2, 2015 at 9:25 PM

    This is the greatest company in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©March 2, 2015 at 9:26 PM

    Jef Vinson vs Paul Meekin.......never thought that would have been a main event match.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Man, hart killer is a monster! Abdullah the butcher was all like that's way too excessive, man.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Its the creative freedom that sets us apart from the others. A "Don't HUSS the Small Stuff" shirt will sell huge.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The heat is off the charts when I'm in segments.


    Mostly because people are getting burned by coffee. But still, we're hotter than Roman Reigns.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Theberzerker, #HUSSAPPROVEDMarch 2, 2015 at 9:33 PM

    Speaking of which...you book Mania however you want, of course, but I'm just saying, if we HAPPEN to fight for the tag titles, and we HAPPEN to be booked to win, I think winning like Demolition did at Wrestlemania IV would be cool. Only instead of hitting one of the Midcard in the back of the head with a cane or a megaphone, I HUSS them. With a megaphone.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Theberzerker, #HUSSAPPROVEDMarch 2, 2015 at 9:34 PM

    I, for one, was HUSSing in pain.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hoss's Ice Cream Cooler is hotter than Roman Reigns.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Theberzerker, #HUSSAPPROVEDMarch 2, 2015 at 9:37 PM

    AH FUCK I FORGOT TO PLUG IT BACK IN. Great, now I gotta HUSS his boots until they're shiny.

    ReplyDelete
  13. (Camera fades in on a smoldering pile of rubble. The various members of the Covenant are sitting and watching, as if waiting on something. The only one apart from the group is Robert Davis. He stands on the edge, hands crossed, deep in thought. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he turns to the camera.)

    Fire reigned down upon us at Fastlane. Bayless couldn't muster the fortitude to defeat us in honest combat, so he reached a level of bloodlust I didn't see coming. We didn't see coming.

    Master Stackhouse has yet to emerge from this temporary resting place. But he will. And the Covenant will be waiting to nurse his broken body as he has done for Uncle Caliber. But one Covenant member will not be holding vigil here.

    I have taken on the heavy role of leader of the vision my master brought forth. And I will not be the benevolent role model he was. The Covenant will bring Bill Ray here to be the first one seen when the Master emerges. He will greet his most sought after prize with the knowledge his suffering was not in vain. And I will personally punish any Covenant member who falls by the wayside in this quest. They will feel wrath upon them for their failures. Bill Ray, you will wear that jacket. But Bayless.....

    You will resign your false God head role in this company. And when that happens, you will finally meet me face to face. And I will bring you to a depth of hell you have never understood possible. And when you beg for the pain and anguish to end, I will make you see it hasn't even begun yet.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Decker has had a strong hand in the upbringing of many of the kids who came through the farm system. Posey, the Brandons, etc. Still employed by Giants to this day..

    ReplyDelete
  15. Has anyone suggested a "Leave Money on the Table" match? Wrestler has to put his opponent through a table, then an official dumps 10-thousand dollars on the victim. In order to win, the wrestler needs to walk away without taking any of the money off his fallen foe.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Its being featured in the "Straight Gangsta, No Chaser" federation.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The best band of all time. It makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Where everyone's theme music is played by Blink-182.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The Money on the Table match appeared at the first BoD mania, I believe, in name only. We didn't have your rules, though.

    ReplyDelete
  20. And it will appear again.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Berzerker, I thought I told you to take some breath mints before the HUSS spot. Now my face is melting!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Stranger in the AlpsMarch 2, 2015 at 10:28 PM

    *a trail of mist continues to follow Matt Perri and Danielle through the BoD Arena. Then it stops in front of the rest room, then the mist pushes the door open and goes inside.*


    "Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


    Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


    zzzzip. "FUCK!"

    ReplyDelete
  23. (Graffiti on the side of the Riverdale High Gym: STACKHOUSE LIVES)


    (Robert Davis, Hot Dog, Reggie, and Nebb are gathered at the local malt shop. Stackhouse's photo sits at the entrance, adorned with flowers. Davis watches with Jughead in one hand, a root beer float in the other.)


    (Two kids are playing tag around the site of the explosion; one runs underneath the yellow tape and stumbles. He stands up, brushes himself off, and stares down at a torn piece of Letterman jacket - 'Archie' is stitched on the piece of fabric. The kid picks it up, turning it over in his hands.)


    (Uncle Caliber sits, bandaged in his rocking chair on his porch, looking off in the distance. A rustling noise is heard underneath the porch. Uncle Caliber sits upright - a shadow falls over him. Uncle Caliber looks shocked....then he smiles. A single tear runs down his cheek.)


    Where is Archie Stackhouse?

    ReplyDelete
  24. *Camera cuts to E 57th St in NYC, to the Four Seasons hotel where jobber123 is seated in the lobby with zanatude and chartock*


    Chartock: Where the fuck is Murphy? We've been waiting forever down here. I'm hungry.


    Jobber: Dude I'm fucking starving. We should have just taken a cab.


    Chartock: What you thinking champ? Steaks tonight?


    Jobber: Nah fuck that, gotta be geng wan gai. I know a place that gets the shallots right from Holland.


    Zanatude: You don't think we should go up town?


    Jobber:...oh some soul food *laughs*, what is Bayless thinking? I'm really going to do a program with this...pimp. This...thug. He's not a great wrestler like me. He's a cheap side show act with a circus full of hoes for gimmick. If he had any talent the WWE would have never fired him in the first place.


    Zanatude: Some neckbone and a potato cake...yeah that sounds good,


    Jobber: Are you guys listening to me. Look what's happening to BoD Raw. This...this...street punk, this...me first wanna be...this diva, he's the big star now. This is disgusting. I told Bayless the program I want to do next is pinning all 3 of you guys in the BoDMania Main Event. That's gonna be a nice pay day for all of us.


    Chartock: Now I really want some ham hock and bean soup.


    Jobber: Hmmm...ya know what fellas, that's not a bad idea. We should up to Harlem and get some soul food. I have an idea.


    Chartock: You thinking catfish?


    Jobber: No my friend, I'm not. I'm thinking about recruiting a new member of the job mob. A black member.


    Zanatude:Woah woah woah, a new member....


    Jobber: Look 'tude, he'll be like a deputized member, not an official member. But we need to go uptown and get a new black guy to bring into BoD raw.


    Chartock: That seems racist Jobber. This isn't cool.


    Jobber: Dude first of all, I'm going to try and get a black guy a job. So that's a good. And second of all, it's exactly what we need. Think about it.


    Zanatude: For like marketing demographics?


    Jobber: No, for Vinson.


    Zanatude: Huh?


    Jobber: If we bring in a new black guy, he's going to immediately have to feud with Vinson, or team with him. Either way, it gets him off my back.


    Chartock: Brilliant. We bring in a new black dude, and Vinsons hands will be full for months!


    *1995 Infiniti Q45 Pulls up with Murphy driving, honks horn, Job mob jumps in*

    ReplyDelete
  25. -NEXT WEEK: Meet New Job Mob member Soupbone Tee-

    ReplyDelete
  26. Extant1979 - Extreme SuperstarMarch 3, 2015 at 6:04 AM

    What? No vignettes of me and Piers at the Lounge?!? There was some straight-up BALLIN' going on in that lounge. And if BoD Raw didn't send a cameraman in to record it, what camera was I talking to? BAYLESS! You better not have sold the footage to BoD TMZ without my permission! I have likeness rights! I'll sue for trademark infringement! Gimmick infringement! Just you wait until my assistant, Chesty LaRue, gets her hands on you!


    I don't have time for this. I have to head out to Cortland, NY, for the annual Red Dragon chili cookoff. I'm co-hosting with other famous Cortland College alums, including the Body By Jake guy and Mick Foley. They tried to get Kevin James, but he's off doing a movie or something. Luis Guzman may take his place.


    Just watch it, Bayless. Chesty knows some good lawyers.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thanks, Brian. I'm glad you see that the Officer Farva Memorial Battle Royal is a great idea. And now, let me be the first to enter it. And let me be the first to win it.

    ReplyDelete
  28. "other famous Cortland College alums?" You're famous? Who are you?

    ReplyDelete
  29. Extant1979 - Extreme SuperstarMarch 3, 2015 at 8:33 AM

    I'm the EXTREME SUPERSTAR, Extant1979, damn it!


    And I spent about 15 years in Upstate NY before I got the hell out of there. QUEENS represent!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Nice - I got family in Queens. Plus, the Ramones are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  31. A speaking role on RAW? Wow! I'm impressed!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonMarch 3, 2015 at 9:21 AM

    *BoD EXCLUSIVE only9.99contactyourlocalcableandsateliteproviders Vinson is in the shower scrubbing his body with every type of cleaning material he can get his hands on*

    Bayless!! You made me degrade myself by wrestling that boogawolf Meekin? My manicure is fu*BEEP*ed up from rubbing against the fat folds in his neck!!

    You insist on dragging me down to lock up with the unwashed masses. I saw the trap you set. You thought putting me in the main event was supposed to appease me, but it doesn't matter. I could be in the fu*BEEP*ing DARK match and it would somehow get higher ratings than the rest of your show! But you tried to embarrass me in the prime time slot because you want to diminish the greatness that iS me. You'd have an easier time trying to extinguish the sun with a water balloon than to take me out, you punk mother *BEEP*er..

    Valet: "Que dois-je faire avec vos vĂȘtements, mon amour ?"

    Burn them. Rubbing up against that quijibo has my gear smelling like Cheetos and feet.

    ..and as for that collective of confused co*BEEP*uckers the Job Mob...how many times must I beat the sh*BEEP* outta you before you understand that that you can't stop my greatness? Did you think I forgot what I said I'd do you you bunch of bitches?

    *turns off the shower, dries off and steps out*

    I want a title shot. Whatever singles tile you got. I want it next week or...

    *Some one knocks at the door, My valet opens it and see a black dude standing in the doorway. My valet puts the barrel to his temple.*

    Who the fu*BEEP* are YOU?!?!?!

    "HI! I'm Soupbone-T! I heard you were the man to see! Let's get DOWN!!!

    *As he starts dancing my valet hits him in the head with the butt of the rifle and closes the door*

    Really? Soupbone-T? Just...wow. Good work on that baby. BTW - did you call the NYPD and report a stolen Infiniti Q45?



    Valet: Oui. *evil grin*


    Goooooood. Now let's eat. I'm famished.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonMarch 3, 2015 at 9:22 AM

    They put me there to pop the ratings.

    ReplyDelete
  34. And Meekin was in there... because we needed to burn his last few appearances before Mania?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonMarch 3, 2015 at 12:37 PM

    I hope your retard of a lackey has the paperwork on that car taken care of. Lord only knows what might happen in NYC.


    #Imjustsayin'...

    ReplyDelete
  36. I really do like cheese, that's a shoot.

    ReplyDelete
  37. "Damnit Soupbone!!! I told your ass to wait until next Monday!!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  38. The vignettes will happen next week.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I told you that "those people" were unreliable...

    ReplyDelete
  40. Kaptain Kiwi is going to beat some respect out of this Hart Killer fella....

    ReplyDelete
  41. Youre about to become shredded cheese mate....

    ReplyDelete
  42. New Zealand style!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonMarch 3, 2015 at 7:12 PM

    You're mad at a black man for being early? That's a first.

    ReplyDelete

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