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Repost: The SmarK Rant for WCW Uncensored 1996

(2015 Scott sez:  I actually don’t have the original file for this one stored on OneDrive for some reason, so I had to use Google-Fu and find it on 411 from the original 2003 posting.  Thankfully I created a new Word document for posterity as well.  For those of you who care about that sort of minutia of my life.

Also, to those who want a full re-rant, fuck you.  In the most loving way.  That is all.) 

The SmarK Retro Rant for WCW Uncensored ‘96

– I decided to finally redo the rant for this one when I was sick, so that it couldn’t do any more damage to me than it already has. The way I figure it, the cold medication should be enough to fight off any mental or physical illness I may suffer from watching it again. I may, however, need to stop and vomit at various points, so I’ll be sure to give you fair warning before I do. By the way, in a kind of cosmic warning to me, the tape arrived broken, probably as a way for the universe to try to keep me from sacrificing myself by watching this again, but I was able to transplant the reels into a fresh casing, because that’s the kind of thing you learn to do after years of trading tapes on the ‘net.  (Man, those were the days.  Thankfully the Great VHS Purge of 2004 was coming and I would soon convert everything over to DVD once and for all.) 

– Live from Tupalo, MS.

– Your hosts are Tony, Dusty & Bobby.

– Opening match, US title: Konnan v. Eddie Guerrero.

It’s full blown mulletude for Eddie here. They fight over a lockup to start and head to the mat, where Konnan rides him with an armbar and stays on it. Eddie escapes with the flying wristlock and Konnan bails. Back in, Eddie starts working on the leg with a toehold, and then a figure-four, after teasing a headstand on the ankle. Konnan makes the ropes. They exchange rollups and each get two. Eddie takes him down into a chinlock and quickly into a surfboard, but Konnan takes him down into a kneebar. He turns it into a Boston Crab, which the crowd can better understand, but Eddie makes the ropes. Back up, Konnan counters an armdrag, but Eddie gets one of his own, and they do another stalemate sequence. Really nice. They back off and work the crowd, but Eddie’s attempts work better. Eddie dropkicks him down and they go up, as Eddie brings him down with a rana for two. Camel clutch, but Konnan powers out. He grabs a headlock, but Eddie counters out, and they do another stalemate sequence that ends with Eddie on the floor, but he evades a highspot attempt. Back in, Eddie grabs a headlock, but Konnan escapes with an armbar. Eddie comes back with a monkey flip and a headscissors to put Konnan out, and he follows with a plancha. This is the type of match where Mike Tenay would have been invaluable. Back in, Eddie slingshots in for two. Eddie uses a headscissors on the mat, but Konnan rolls over into a leglock, and then hits him with rolling germans, but Eddie reverses to a rollup for two. Another rollup is reversed by Konnan for two. Clothesline puts Eddie down as Konnan is obviously blown up by this point. Eddie gets a rana for two. Konnan gets Splash Mountain for two. He’s got NOTHING left. He goes up and Eddie follows, but Eddie ends up on the floor and Konnan follows with a weak tope suicida. Back in, Eddie reverses a suplex, but gets clotheslined for two. Konnan goes up again, but Eddie brings him down with a superplex for two. Eddie goes up to finish, but Konnan slams him off, which Eddie reverses into a cradle for two. Awesome. Konnan slugs away, but Eddie tries a leapfrog, so Konnan hits him in the nuts and pins him at 18:26 to retain. This was ALL Eddie after about the 10 minute point. ***1/2  (I obviously had much less hatred for Konnan in my heart even 12 years ago.  I guess time does heal all wounds and shitty booking.) 

– Lord Steven Regal v. Fit Finlay.

Finlay was just The Belfast Bruiser at this point. Fit pounds away with STIFF forearms in the corner to start, but Regal takes him down and gets his own. He runs into a knee and Finlay drops an elbow for two. He stomps away with glee and gets a short-arm clothesline for two. Vicious kick to the back, but Regal fires back with a forearm and grabs a cravat on the mat. Regal pounds the palm into his nose, but Fit rams a knee into his forehead to escape and drives another knee before tossing him. He drops Regal on the railing and then wraps the arm around the post. He keeps working the arm as Regal comes in, and cranks on an armbar. Regal knees out of it and slugs away with forearms, then blocks a rollup attempt with a dropkick for two. He grinds a forearm into Fit’s head on the mat, but Fit takes him down with another armbar, but Regal knees out of it and controls on the mat again. He chokes away and fires off more forearms, but Fit headbutts him down and drops a knee. Slam and senton gets two. He hits the chinlock, but Regal fights out, so Fit drops him with a lariat for two. He brings Regal to the apron and rams the throat into it, then sends him into the railing again. They keep brawling and end up back in the ring again, fighting over a suplex on the apron, which ends with Fit hitting the floor. Regal follows with a Cactus elbow and heads back in, then pounds him with boots on the way in. Elbow gets two. Regal goes to the headlock, but Fit kicks in the shoulder to escape in super-stiff fashion. Regal takes him to the corner and gives him a soccer kick to the nuts to retaliate, then drops an elbow for two. More kicks to the back, but Fit goes to the eyes and drives a knee to the back of the neck to block a sunset flip. Regal goes back to the arm and crossfaces him a few times, but Fit backdrops him out of the corner and pounds the kidneys with forearms. Regal takes him down for two. Regal slugs him down and keeps pounding on the apron, but Fit gives him a straight shot to the jaw to drop him. Good lord. Fit takes him into the apron and they brawl on the floor, won by Fit. Back in, Fit sends him into the turnbuckle, but Regal alley-oops him to the floor as a defense mechanism. They slug it out on the floor and Regal sends him into the Doomsday Cage, and then they head back, but the Bluebloods run out for the DQ at 17:30. Really bad finish to a horrifically stiff match. It wasn’t GREAT as a wrestling match or anything, but as a total war of attrition, it was amazing, something out of a UFC almost. *** (I’m pretty pumped that the Nitro rematch is coming up soon too!) 

– Col. Rob Parker v. Madusa.

(That’s Hall of Famer Alundra Blayze, you know.)  Parker gives a clean break out of the corner to start, which has Dusty in amazement. Another try, but Madusa takes him down with an armdrag. Parker comes back with an airplane spin, but she reverses to a sunset flip for two. Slam and he bails, getting advice from Dick Slater (who was Debbie Micelli’s real-life husband at that point). (What, no secret advice joke?  I really must have been feeling shitty that day.  Here, I’ll throw in a freebie:  “That advice?  Never do a southern rebel gimmick in a New York-based wrestling promotion.”)  Back in, he takes her down with the choke, but misses an elbow and gets dropkicked. He bails again and she follows with a bad plancha. Back in, she gets a german suplex for two, but Slater puts Parker on top for the pin at 3:43. Total freakshow. DUD

– Retirement match: Diamond Dallas Page v. The Booty Man.

OK, quick word of explanation. This was supposed to be the blowoff of the DDP-Johnny B Badd feud, which had been going for the past million PPVs, but Marc Mero got fired from WCW (on purpose) and jumped to the WWF, leaving the storyline without an ending, so they repackaged Ed Leslie again, into The Booty Man (a kind of disco version of Brutus Beefcake) and suddenly had him fighting for Kimberly’s honor. (Longer and more accurate story:  Mero’s contract expired at the end of February while still champion and he agreed to sign a new deal, but wanted assurances that he would make his usual salary while working without a contract instead of the job-guy money that other free agents made per show.  Bischoff jerked him around on the details of the talks as well as some personal apperances, and then wanted to continue the Kimberly angle that Badd hated so much.  Finally Mero basically said “Screw you, I’m going to the WWF” and Bischoff terminated him after he dropped the title to Lex Luger and told him not to come back.)  Tony buries Mero before the match, and then in the same breath they talk about how Booty Man was actually a spy in the Dungeon of Doom on behalf of Hulk Hogan, which is how they explain his sudden face turn. I wonder if that would work in real life. “Um, I wasn’t trying to deal cocaine out of a subway terminal, I was spying for internal security” Maybe not. (Eh, Brutus Beefcake drug bust jokes don’t hold up very well, unfortunately.)  This match also proved to be a major problem for DDP, because he likes planning out his matches in advance and improvising something with ED LESLIE of all people is just asking for trouble. Mucho stallo to start. Page starts with a wristlock and they reverse off that, but Page goes to the ropes. Booty goes to a headlock and overpowers Page, and he bails. Back in, Booty slugs him down and goes to the armbar, as Dusty claims that he’s “very skilled at mat wrestling”. I can’t make this stuff up. Page charges and misses, ending up on the floor. This match is going nowhere. Page stalls forever outside, so Booty Man follows him out and they brawl. Back in, Page gets rammed into the turnbuckle a few times and Page bails AGAIN. He stumbles around on the floor like a clown and Kimberly joins us at ringside, dressed as a cheerleader. HOOCHIE MAMA. Back in, Page grabs a headlock, but Booty powers out, so they criss-cross and stall. Booty slugs him out to the apron again. They manage to fuck up a shoulderblock and then Booty whiffs on a crossbody attempt, and Page chokes away. Even Tony gave a disgusted “What was THAT?” before catching himself. (Ed Leslie was a special kind of terrible in his WCW run.)  Page gets a backdrop suplex and stalls, but gets two. We hit the chinlock, but Booty fights out, so Page knees him down for two. Back to the chinlock, and Page uses the ropes as the match drags on. Soon I fear that I will die of old age before this chinlock ends. Finally Booty fights out, but Page drops him on the top rope as Kimberly turns to the camera and says with a straight face “I want him to be my boyfriend”. And people wonder why her acting career didn’t take off. Page goes after her, but gets slapped, and Booty Man hits him with a high knee to finish at 16:00. Absolutely horrible. -* Poor Kimberly has to sell a kiss from steroid-bloated, balding Ed Leslie as the sexiest thing since Ricky Martin or whatever was sexy in 1996. (Hey wow, that joke got funnier in hindsight.)  But then she sleeps with DDP in real life, so who knows what weird stuff she’s into.

– The Giant v. Loch Ness.

Suddenly I yearn for the salad days of Booty Man v. DDP, all those minutes ago. When Paul Wight is the skinny one, you’ve got a problem. Although he WAS really lean at this point. Giant chops away in the corner to start and uses the Nash choke, but Loch Ness hammers back with the CLUBBING FOREARMS. Giant fires back with boots in the corner, but misses a charge and takes a nice bump to the floor. Back in, Loch Ness slaps him down and drops the elbow, but misses another one, and Giant makes the comeback, booting him down. Legdrop finishes at 2:34. Well, at least it was short. DUD Giant would win the World title the next night on Nitro.  (Nope, another month yet.  Never seen that match, either!) 

– Chicago Street Fight: The Road Warriors v. Sting & Booker T.

How you have a Chicago street fight in Tupelo is a mystery unsolved to this day. (I really feel like we were robbed off the payoff with Luger having to participate in the street fight he unknowingly agreed to.)  They brawl outside to start and head into the ring for a slugfest, but Sting runs into Animal’s boot. Animal pounds away in the corner while Hawk backdrops Booker on the floor, and back in the ring it’s another donnybrook. Booker hits Animal with the ax kick for two, while Hawk & Sting fight outside. Animal powerslams Booker and drops an elbow for two. Sting comes back in, but Animal necksnaps him on the top rope and posts him. Sting returns the favor as the split screen is helpfully labeled “Chicago Street Fight” in case we’ve forgotten what we’re watching. (I was heavily medicated at that point.  So it could have happened.  God knows I’ve fallen asleep watching boring wrestling shows late at night.)  In the ring, Sting hits Animal with a fistdrop, but gets clotheslined for two. Elbow misses and Sting bulldogs him, but Hawk chokes Sting down. Everyone brawls outside and Booker covers Animal for two on the floor. Back in, Booker gets caught with a shot coming down, and Animal dropkicks him for two. Sting retreats to the back, while Booker gets a lazy cross-armbreaker on Hawk in the ring. Sting chairs Animal over by the back, and heads to the ring for a chairshot on Hawk. But then Animal gets it and uses it in incredibly weak fashion, getting two on Booker. Booker comes back with a sidekick on Animal and Sting piledrives Hawk, and of course he no-sells that. Since when does Sting ever use a piledriver? Hawk powerbombs Sting and goes to the chinlock, then tosses him and it’s more dull brawling outside. This match has ZERO flow. It’s all “two guys do stuff in the ring while the other two brawl, switch off, repeat.” Hawk hits them with some wussy chairshots and tries a powerbomb on Sting, but it’s reversed. Animal clubs on Sting with the forearms, but Booker breaks it up, and it’s more dull brawling. Back in with Sting and Hawk, as Sting hits him with a shot off the top that Hawk doesn’t sell, but misses the Stinger splash. Hawk drops a fist and Animal goes up, but Booker crotches him, so Hawk covers Sting for two. Booker hits Animal with a flying clothesline for two. Once again the mystery of falls count anywhere matches arises, as you can pin somewhere anywhere in the arena, except when he has his foot on the ropes. Sting gets a headbutt low on Animal, and Hawk hits Booker with a backdrop suplex. Booker comes back with a weak sideslam on Hawk, but misses an elbow, and they do a sloppy collision in the corner. Sting goes up and misses a splash on Animal. Hawk goes up and gets dropkicked by Booker coming down. Animal chokes away in the corner, but Booker goes low, and they fight outside again. Oh, joy. Meanwhile, Hawk hits Sting with a move I can only jokingly call a gutwrench suplex for two. Sting and Booker finally get organized and double-team Hawk with a clothesline, then Sting suplexes him on the top rope while Animal suplexes Booker. Sooooooo slow and boring. Hawk & Sting brawl outside again while Booker crotches himself on the top rope, and they switch off for no reason in particular, with Animal taking on Sting outside and Hawk beating on Booker inside. Booker comes back with a spinkick on Hawk for two. Hawk boots him down for two. Back to the floor as Sting goes up on Animal, but gets caught with a powerslam. Animal works the count, but Sting comes back with a clothesline and both guys are out. The boredom of this match is crushing my soul. Hawk and Booker head back into the ring, but Hawk misses a fistdrop and Booker misses an elbow. He comes back with a sidekick, however, and both guys are out. On the floor, Animal goes nuts with a chair (as nuts as anyone can go in this snoozefest) and the Warriors double-team Booker, but Sting heads to the back again and returns with BROOMS. Now I’m scared. The Warriors choke them down, but Booker comes back with his own choking on Animal, but he gets tossed by Animal and decides to leave. In the ring, Hawk gets two on Sting. We follow Animal and Booker to the back, where Luger is posing in front of a mirror in a bizarre moment, but Animal interrupts and gets beat up by Luger and Stevie Ray as a result. Some things you just don’t mess with. Back in the ring, Hawk dumps Sting and they brawl, but now Booker T returns as Sting misses his charge into the railing. Booker sends Hawk into the stairs and brings him back in, getting a sideslam and going up with the Harlem Hangover, but misses it. Stevie Ray runs out and adds a chairshot for good measure, and Booker FINALLY pins Hawk to end it at 29:35. Not a terrible brawl, but ridiculously long and dull. It did foreshadow Booker’s single career, however, as he managed to outwork both of the washed-up Road Warriors and held his own with the unmotivated Sting. **  (Meltzer actually gave this one ***1/2 and called it the best match on the show.  Sorry, I just don’t see it.) 

DOOMSDAY CAGE: Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage v. Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Z Gangsta, The Ultimate Solution, Kevin Sullivan, Lex Luger, Meng and the Barbarian.

I wish I could be making up that listing, but I’m not. They really did book Hogan & Savage 8-on-2. The heels are The Alliance to End Hulkamania, or TAEH. That of course is the opposite of heat. The idea here, if you can wrap your head around it, is that there’s a three-story cage, with Hogan & Savage starting at the top with Flair & Anderson and moving downwards. Now keep in mind there’s no actual RULES for this announced, only vague notations about Hogan & Savage having to “fight their way down”. (Original plan was to re-use the triple cage thing from Bash 88, because apparently it was still stored in Kevin Sullivan’s garage or something.)  Michael Buffer actually has to introduce this mess with a straight face. Well, I guess that’s why they pay him the big bucks. Hogan starts with Arn in the top cage and they fight it out, with Flair chopping Savage, and Arn clubbing on Hogan. The lighting is terrible and you can’t see anything. They keep brawling and Hogan rams Flair into a pole and chokes him down. Flair & Anderson stop and work over Savage, however. Anderson goes after Hogan and gets a figure-four, so Flair does the same to Savage. Hogan and Savage use powder to escape, however, and move down to the next cage. Uh huh. So now it’s 4-on-2, as it’s Sullivan, Luger, Meng and Barbarian to contend with. Hogan fights with Luger & Sullivan, while Savage takes on the Faces of Fear. (I should also note what a giant waste of Luger this was, as they had spent weeks masterfully building up the Sting storyline and creating this awesome slimy heel character for him before suddenly turning him into cartoon villain again for the sake of having an eighth guy in this mess.)  The heels control, but Hogan fights off Sullivan and saves Savage, and then locks the Faces of Fear in their own cage, leaving it 2-on-2. Oh, such strategy. Flair and Anderson head down into the lower cage to try and help, and Hogan and Sullivan fight out to the scaffolding while Luger continues the thrilling brawl with Savage in the cage. However, soon all four end up on the floor, and into the ring. Hogan hits Sullivan with the big boot and stomps away. They switch off, with Hogan hitting Luger with a bucket and Sullivan ramming Savage into the cage. Tony, in an actual quote, says “This has been spectacular.” Well, people describe car crashes the same way. Hogan brings Luger to the ring and gets a corner clothesline, then hammers away while Savage & Sullivan fight on the floor. Wasn’t the point supposed to be that they were fighting in the CAGE? Hence the name, DOOMSDAY CAGE? Luger hits Savage with the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH, but brawls out with Hogan again. You have to wonder what exactly the Horsemen and Faces of Fear are DOING while trapped in that other ring. Luger clubs Savage down with a chair and then goes after Hogan, but he makes the comeback and the heels get whipped together. And now the other heels, Jeep “Painful Constipation” Swenson and Z Gangsta (Zeus) head out and drag our heroes back to the DOOMSDAY CAGE, and into the ring on the bottom of that cage. Was there something wrong with the ring they were in before? Somehow, the match gets WORSE, as Permanent Vacation overpowers Hogan and Gangsta chokes Savage down. He pops up with a double axehandle, however, while Hogan goes to the eyes of Traffic Citation and then turns his attention to Gangsta. He gets choked down, which to Tony is the most thrilling thing to happen all match, and Notable Quotation press-slams Savage. Hogan comes back on Gangsta, but now the Horsemen rejoin the match (which of course makes no sense, but god forbid either of THESE goofs do the job when Flair is available) and things look bleak for the Megapowers. The heels pound away, as Catalytic Conversion uses the CLUBBING FOREARMS, but now Booty Man gives them powder (oh man, this stuff just writes itself) and frying pans. That’s how you cook the crack old-school, I guess. Now Luger runs in as well and turns the tide, using a loaded glove, but it hits Flair by mistake and Savage pins him at 25:09. This would prove to be the last hurrah for Hulkamania, as fan reaction to this mess was so overwhelmingly negative that his heel turn was necessary to keep his career alive. Without a doubt the WORST PPV main event ever, lacking not only internal logic and interesting action, but the entertainment value of Heroes of Wrestling. This one gets the full negative monty. –*****  (I stand by that one.) 

The Bottom Line:

You may stumble across this show and accidentally watch it, then, like a victim of prison rape, blame yourself for the pain, humiliation, and rectal bleeding, but DON’T. This was WCW’S fault, not yours! There are support groups for survivors of this PPV out there to help you, and I would advise you to make use of them. Other people have been through the same thing. We can help you.

Strongest recommendation to avoid humanly possible.  (Or, you know, get really drunk and watch it for free on the WWE Network.  Whatevs.) 

Comments

  1. Has any other match gotten -*****?

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  2. "I want him to be my boyfriend" is a line that no one should ever say as it relates to Ed Leslie.

    Any random old geezer in a retirement home would be a better catch than Ed Leslie, at least they wouldn't ask you for drug money every 30 minutes.

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  3. AverageJoeEverymanMarch 3, 2015 at 11:30 PM

    UT vs UT at Summerslam 94?

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  4. kbwrestlingreviewsMarch 3, 2015 at 11:31 PM

    The main event belongs on the Mystery Science Theater list of wrestling matches. Heenan is basically riffing on the whole thing with lines like "WHAT A GREAT THING FOR TELEVISION!" when the screen is so dark you can barely see anything and "Go out and put the figure eight on your doberman." Watch the main event alone to see how completely insane the whole thing gets and ask yourself questions like "why did he do that?" You'll have one of the best times you've ever had watching a match.

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  5. Meltzer gave Hogan/Warrior II that marvelous rating. I'm sure MULTIPLE matches on Heroes of Wrestling got -5.

    Which reminds me: how much money would people donate to charity if I forced myself to recap Heroes of Wrestling?

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  6. I think Ultimate Warrior vs. Goldust

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  7. "I obviously had much less hatred for Konnan in my heart even 12 years ago. I guess time does heal all wounds and shitty booking."


    Him being responsible for bringing in the cruiserweights, helps that recovery.

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  8. I think Ultimate Warrior vs. Goldust from some WWF PPV.

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  9. MINUS FIVE STARS

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  10. You know, say what you will about the doldrums of today's WWE, but at least they aren't THIS bad at any time. Not yet, anyway.

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  11. Adam "Colorado" CurryMarch 3, 2015 at 11:38 PM

    I'd rather just see Scott Sez than redone rants.

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  12. Adam "Colorado" CurryMarch 3, 2015 at 11:39 PM

    Think that only got minus 4

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  13. Which one's worse? The booking with Hogan back then, or the booking involving Reigns TODAY!?

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  14. While certainly not great, Reigns has yet to be involved in anything that was rated -*****.

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  15. Let's not try to be melodramatic. Hogan's booking was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY worse.

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  16. At least hogan finally saw the light and turned heel

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  17. Give it time. ;)

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  18. We haven't seen wrestlemania 31 yet

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  19. I have faith that it won't be any worse than a DUD.

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  20. Adam "Colorado" CurryMarch 3, 2015 at 11:43 PM

    Jake from Heroes of Wresting, New Jack/Mustafa, one of the Sting/Vampiro matches... think he might have gave Taker/Yokozuna from RR94 the full negatives the second time. I want to say there's another one or two I'm missing.

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  21. Oh, puh-leeze. Brock and Reigns will hit all their spots and tell their story, even if it's one we don't want to be told. They will have internal logic, flow, and pacing, because this match will be heavily rehearsed to make it happen. You have NO GODDAMN IDEA how mind-numbingly, brain-defyingly hideous WCW was for most of its existence.

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  22. I remember seeing this live and fell asleep during the main event

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  23. If you saw it live, I wonder how you can compare any possibility of Lesnar -- who can work a fantastic match -- and Reigns -- who is carryable -- to this dreck.

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  24. http://www.rspwfaq.net/2012/01/smark-royal-rumble-countdown-1994_8651.html



    Surprisingly, only -****

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  25. Adam "Colorado" CurryMarch 3, 2015 at 11:48 PM

    Keep reading, he goes -***** on the re-rant.

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  26. Just about to say that

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  27. Ah, I stand corrected. I hadn't scrolled that far yet.

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  28. I'm thinking goldberg/brock wmxx and Sheamus/orton raw after wm crowd shitting on it possibilities

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  29. Adam "Colorado" CurryMarch 3, 2015 at 11:51 PM

    I dont think it was that bad, from bell-to-bell it was a DUD or so.

    Now Taker/Taker and Piper/Lawler, those were -***** matches.

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  30. Adam "Colorado" CurryMarch 3, 2015 at 11:57 PM

    I'm thinking like **. I still say that people aren't going to revolt on it. After Taker and Wyatt put on a shitty boring match and then HHH and Sting put on an even shittier and even more boring match where HHH goes over the crowd will be dead silent. You'll be able to hear me fart it will be so quiet, and I'll be 3,000 miles away.

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  31. Regal-Finlay remains quite possibly the most brutally stiff match I've ever seen.

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  32. Stranger in the AlpsMarch 4, 2015 at 12:04 AM

    Jeep Swenson would play Bane in Batman & Robin. Also, he was originally called The Final Solution.


    Time for a history lesson, millenials. Google that and let me know if that was taught in school.

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  33. You know, Scott, Marv's been going through Friends all the way through for the first time, how bout you ease his pain with a little Scott Says reposting of the Friends Smark Rants?

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  34. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANEEEEEEE

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  35. Oh that cage match is one of the worst matches I've ever seen and I agree with Scott; a waste of Luger and deserving of -***** as it is not only bad but also offensive.

    I actually like this Regal/Finlay match better than the Nitro one but they both are damn good. And I actually like the Giant/Loch Ness match. For everyone that thinks Big Show is a stiff (and he is now and has been for awhile), seeing him fly around the ring like a cruiser-weight and make a fat turd like Loch Ness look competent is a miracle. That corner bump was crazy also. For another fun Giant squash, I recommend the Benoit match at Clash XXXIII; he gets so much air on a DROPKICK he hits Benoit in the head, nails the best choke-slam ever, then just glares at the camera, holds the four horsemen hand sign, drops his index finger and turns his hand upside down. Dude was an athletic freak and has charisma up the wazoo. I miss old 1996/1997 Paul Wight.

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  36. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 12:45 AM

    I'd go higher on Regal/Finlay, like ***3/4. Just a brutal war. The rest of the show was in the worst-ever zone though.

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  37. I think my favourite hilariously awful part of the Doomsday Cage is Luger clearly taking an extra second before "accidentally" hitting Flair for the finish. Way to expose the business, Lex.

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  38. At least the old geezers aren't pseudo barbers from San Francisco who put you to sleep, and try to sodomi...I mean cut your hair.

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  39. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 12:47 AM

    I also totally agree with the point on Luger being wasted. He might be my favourite part of these early 1996 Nitros.

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  40. Only in WCW do you see a big graphic that says DOOMSDAY CAGE MATCH while having 90% of it not actually be in the cage.

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  41. Weren't you about to pass out? Wasn't I? Are you as stubborn as I am?

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  42. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 12:49 AM

    Honestly, I don't even read all the PBP. I've seen all these PPVs. I just like to see the Scott sez comments, it's more or less what we do on here for live watching

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  43. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 12:50 AM

    Kind of yeah, I've worked nights for years but I'm on comp with a broken foot so now I'm just kind of an insomniac

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  44. I'm sick and while my body wants me to sleep, my brain is in total Fuck You! mode.

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  45. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 12:52 AM

    Yeah I'm just half ass trying to pass out/dicking around on my ipad

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  46. He was the only guy actually trying in that shitty cage match but there was no saving that shit.

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  47. Bobby Heenan's rant at the end of the show about Hulkamania being an infectious disease on WCW was so right on the money it wasn't even funny.

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  48. Hmmmm....so what are the odds that this year's Mania is worse than this show? Much lower than they should be, right?

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  49. Motivated Luger was awesome Luger. Don't care what anyone says, he was awesome in 1989 as a heel, 95-96 as the heel who was still friends with a face, and then again in '97 with the Hogan program (can't deny the ratings and HUGGGGEE pop his title win got)

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  50. Have seen that Steiner's tag match from wrestlewar 1992? Goddamn do they take some liberties with that kid.

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  51. kbwrestlingreviewsMarch 4, 2015 at 1:29 AM

    Those graphics always made me laugh. Shouldn't you be able to tell what you're watching? Are those there for the people who bought the pay per view but are flipping through channels anyway? The same with the big WCW UNCENSORED logo on the split screens. Is WCW worried that the fans will mess up and watch Disney's Doomsday Cage Match by mistake?

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  52. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 1:29 AM

    Yup, besides Flair his matches with Pillman and Steamboat in 1989 were great, and I kind of liked his matches with Hansen too.

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  53. Tommy Rich says hello.

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  54. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 1:33 AM

    Technically, yes he does but man, I've seen a lot of his shit and I am just not a Tommy Rich fan at all.

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  55. B.ad Larry arthurMarch 4, 2015 at 1:35 AM

    Almost as bad as the logos on the WW3 split screens.

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