Thunder
Date: October 14, 1999
Location: Riverside
Centroplex, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Attendance: 4,941
Commentators: Kevin
Nash, Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
Now we're getting close
to the end of an era for WCW, and there's something special on this
show. From what I understand, Kevin Nash is on his last night as the
booker and is going to be sitting in on commentary tonight. This
could range anywhere from absolutely hilarious to the biggest
disaster since.....well probably since Fall Brawl actually. Let's
get to it.
Opening sequence.
At least the show is
live tonight so it only mostly sucks instead of completely sucking.
Tenay and Zbyszko don't
have an explanation for why Nash is there. His justification: he's
booked himself into a retirement angle so WCW is putting him in the
booth to recoup some of his money. He hasn't seen Hall since Hall
left with two girls for sushi on Monday. Oh yeah this is going to be
REALLY good.
Sgt. Buddy Lee
Parker vs. Jim Duggan
During
the entrances, the announcers aren't sure if Goldberg vs. Sid is
still on for Halloween Havoc. Normally the response would be “oh
of course it is” but this is WCW so you never can tell. It's a
smart move to start this show with a former Mid-South star in Duggan.
The fans chant USA as Duggan shoots at Parker with the board. That
would be a different kind of shooting than Nash will likely be doing
tonight. A right hand knocks Parker out to the floor and the brawl
heads outside. Nash thinks Buddy should grab the board. That's not
a bad idea actually.
Parker stomps away and
rakes the eyes back inside. He even avoids a charge in the corner
and we hit the chinlock. Nash: “Use the board!” Duggan fights
up with his wide variety of right hands, which thankfully are no
longer taped. The three point clothesline and the Old Glory knee
drop are enough for the pin. Nash: “Tenay where do you come up
with the names for these names?”
Rating:
D.
I'm not sure what else you would expect out of this match. Parker
was a jobber about ten years before this and is still at about the
same level here. There wasn't much to see, or unfortunately hear, in
this one with the only funny line coming after the match with Nash
asking where the Old Glory name came from.
Lash Leroux vs. Al
Greene
Nash
sings Al Green songs and brings up the two of them being old tag
partners. More smart booking with Leroux in there, even though Nash
shows a strange obsession with his sideburns. Lash punches out of a
gorilla press and dances a bit before clotheslining Greene out to the
floor. Tenay brings up Leroux challenging for the Cruiserweight
Title at Halloween Havoc before Lash sends him into the buckle. Al
catches him out of the air in a powerslam for two but Lash shrugs it
off and hits Whiplash for the pin. Basically a squash and even Lash
points at his sideburns. Oh they're shaped like L's.
That's.....well that's something.
Video
on the First Family vs. Harlem Heat. That's something as well, but
it's something very, very bad.
Here
are Luger and Elizabeth with something to say. Tenay announces Buff
Bagwell vs. “The Package” next week like he's announcing the main
event of Starrcade. Luger talks about being in this business for
thirteen years and thinks it's ridiculous that they have to come to a
town like Baton Rouge. The fans will have to shut up if they want
him to talk. Nash: “He's so smarmy!”
Luger
asks Elizabeth how many internet emails, cards.....and then he trails
off to yell at the fans about how awesome he is. Luger blames the
fans for the death of Lex Luger because his greatness won't be
appreciated until he's gone. Nash: “Does he use the Old Glory
torture rack?” No one sent him any cards while he was recovering
from his biceps injury because the fans want to climb over him to get
to the top.
Cue
Buff Bagwell who says he tried to get in touch with Luger while he
was on the shelf and Luger seems to have forgotten some of his
friends. Speaking of friends, what has been going on with Luger and
Sting? Bagwell followed the two of them down the roads and learned a
lot from them, but now they've turned their backs on everyone. Luger
thinks Bagwell should get on his hands and knees to thank him for
everything he's done for Bagwell over the years. Cue Rick Steiner
(Nash: “Submarine attack!”) but, I kid you not, La Parka comes
out to make the save. Nash thinks Luger is terrified of skeletons.
Video
on Kidman seeming to have hooked up with Torrie, who has blown David
Flair off. David hasn't helped his case by getting beaten up by
Hennig and Curly Bill.
Tenay
asks Nash about the girls that sit with Hall and Nash. Nash sings
about Torrie in response and asks where this week's road report is.
Brian Knobbs/Hugh
Morrus vs. Scott Armstrong/Steve Armstrong
Knobbs
pounds Steve into the corner to start but walks into a nice dropkick.
It's off to Morrus (kind of a noteworthy person at the time this is
being written. Five years from now, that likely won't mean much) vs.
Steve with the Armstrong getting dropped on his face out of a gorilla
press. A double shoulder drops Steve as Nash brings up Bull Nakano
as Morrus' hairdresser.
Jimmy
Hart's distraction allows the First Family to get in some double
teaming. Can we get a look at the second family? They have to be
more interesting. Steve gets splashed in the corner a few times and
Morrus stomps away again. He misses a top rope elbow though and
Steve (who looks like a more muscular Lodi) makes the hot tag to
Scott. Everything breaks down and Knobbs runs Scott over, setting up
No Laughing Matter for the pin.
Rating:
D-.
The Filthy Animals and the Revolution are busy fighting each other
but these guys are getting a pay per view title shot and a feud with
a top level team like Harlem Heat. That shows you the value of
having friends in high places, which doesn't mean anything good for
the fans but it means great things for Knobbs.
Post
match Knobbs says Harlem Heat are the “fruit booties” now, so
here come the champs to clean house. Nash: “That's Wesley Snipes!
Nah it's just Booker T.” Ray wants to fight the, and I quote,
“Doughnut eating, milk drinking fruit booties” right now. I
would ask what that means, but I don't think I'm old enough to hear
the explanation.
We
recap Mysterio vs. Saturn, triggering the implosion of the
Revolution. Tenay suggests renaming Shane to Chain Douglas.
Actually I've heard worse ideas.
Now
we get to the good stuff, as Nash has put together a video on Sid vs.
Goldberg, complete with an over the top NFL Films style narration.
Sid shouts about Goldberg not being able to touch him and how good it
will feel at Halloween Havoc. Nash: “We don't know that yet
because we haven't touched.”
We
look at Goldberg beating up Horace but Nash stops doing commentary to
celebrate making it onto the hard camera in the front row. Nash:
“Goldberg! A force! A bald man.....with a tattoo.....who has only
lost once......to Kevin Nash!” Tenay: “Did you ever work for NFL
Films?” Nash: “Goldberg, standing in the tundra of Lambeau
Field.....and here's Sid. 6'10, 200....300....400.....no 597lbs of
menacing steel!”
Larry
is begging for Nash's “water” as we see Steiner and Sid beating
up Van Hammer. Nash points out that the referee, while bald, is in
fact, not Goldberg. Nash wants to know why Rick Steiner is from
Detroit but talks like a southern redneck. We jump ahead to the main
event where Goldberg came out to fight Steiner and Sid. Nash:
“Goldberg ponders the situation, looks from side to side, walks
away, winks, and SOME TACKLE! WHAT DOES MONDAY BRING US???”
This
was one of the funniest and most entertaining things I've ever seen
on Thunder and I can't imagine it being topped later on. Here's the
key to comedy, especially in wrestling: you can't script it down to
the letter. This was Nash riffing on a pretty basic recap package
and being entertaining because Kevin Nash is a funny guy and can turn
something simple into something funny. You can't just hand someone a
script and tell them to do comedy.
Imagine someone like
Lance Storm trying to do this. It would bomb as he just doesn't have
that kind of personality and probably wouldn't be able to make it
funny. Great talkers can read the phone book and make if funny but
if you have someone not geared towards comedy reading material that
isn't very funny, it's usually going to fail miserably. This on the
other hand was hilarious and something that a written recap doesn't
do justice.
Horace
Hogan vs. Brian Adams
I
don't see this being as entertaining. Nash accuses Shane Douglas of
dragging Saturn down as the announcers are already ignoring the
match. Apparently Malenko and Benoit have taken a trip to Japan to
perform. Well that might be better for them instead of getting
beaten up by Sid and Steiner again. Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl
backbreaker as Nash finally starts talking about the match. Horace
fights back with a DDT and a low blow (Nash: “The Old Glory mule
kick!”) and they head outside.
Nash
thinks Luger is scared to come out here because of the skeletons on
Adams' pants and promises to put a package together on Luger for next
week. Tenay: “Please not again.” I would say it has to be more
entertaining than this match, but so would a bad toe infection.
Horace scores with a backdrop but gets caught in a backbreaker. Nash
gives us some trivia: this was originally a hair vs. hair match.
With the fans dying in front of their eyes, Adams hits a horrible
looking piledriver for the pin.
Rating:
D-.
You remember a few minutes ago when I talked about people needing to
stick to what they're good at? I'd advise Horace to stick to
something other than wrestling as he really isn't very talented in
that field. This is the kind of match that gives Thunder a bad
reputation. It was sloppy, ignored by the commentators and didn't
need to exist. Adams would be better suited as a bodyguard for some
punk heel. Bad match if that wasn't clear.
Video
on Sting vs. Hogan.
Here's
Lash Leroux for a chat. Tenay: “He gets promo time as well!”
Leroux says people didn't take him seriously when he got here, but a
Cajun knows how to add a little spice to things. All the Lash Lovers
are here and they'll be in Lash Vegas to see him take the title.
Lash insists that he can dance but thankfully doesn't demonstrate.
Nash: “If you can dance and play the accordion in Louisiana, you're
going to get lucky tonight.” I've heard worse promos, though it
was pretty much one note.
Berlyn
vs. Brad Armstrong video. I really hope this winds up being revealed
as a big rib.
After
a commercial for WCW action figures, Nash wants to know why he's
doing a job in the ad. I'm sure 99% of the fans had no idea what he
was talking about here but my goodness it's making this easier to sit
through.
Prince Iaukea vs.
Berlyn
This
would be the Column B to go with Nash's Column A stuff. Tonight it's
Steiner/Luger vs. Bagwell/La Parka. Nash: “GET OUT! NO WAY!”
That would again be Column B. Nash says it's a result of half the
roster being gone today so they had to book this on the fly. Tenay:
“Welcome to this all shoot edition of Thunder.” Iaukea jumps
over the referee and dropkicks Berlyn down before hitting a Thesz
Press and right hands.
Berlyn
gets in some cheap shots to take over as Nash talks about a variety
wrestling show airing on TBS, hosted by himself and Hall. Saturday
Night Titans? He needs to move on because he's too old to bump at
this point. Iaukea fights back but gets poked in the eye. Nash:
“Little shortcutsky there. Oh wait he's German.
Achen-shortcutsken.” An Angle Slam is called a Samoan drop (Nash:
“Old Glory Samoan drop”) and gets two for Iaukea but Berlyn grabs
a quick suplex. The bodyguard gets in a cheap shot and Berlyn's
neckbreaker is good for the pin.
Rating:
D.
Kevin Nash is carrying this show on his back and I'm having a great
time listening to him. The wrestling has ranged from bad to horrible
but he's made the matches fly by with these jokes here and there.
Berlyn and Iaukea are nothing in the ring but the bodyguard continues
to look like a potential star. Or at least a very tall one.
Video
on Meng, which I believe is the same one from Monday. Ignore the WCW
Hotline phone number, or at least the bottom half of it, appearing at
the top of the video.
Luther Biggs vs.
Meng
Oh
Nash is going to have a field day here. Larry is scared of seeing
the worst student if Biggs is the best. Nash compliments Meng's
hair. That's certainly in his ballpark. He also wonders why you
never see Meng and Barry White in the same place at the same time.
Meng jumps him to start and the beating is on in the corner. Biggs'
offense has almost no effect and the Death Grip ends this quick.
Coach
Stern tries to come in for a save but gets Death Gripped as well.
Nash: “You should know you're never going to win after a sweet
video package like that.”
Perry Saturn vs. Rey
Mysterio Jr.
Rematch
from Monday when Shane Douglas interfered. Mysterio now has some
cool rotating pyro. As the announcers talk about the Halloween Havoc
card, Nash brings up Mean Gene's Burgers. I have to find one of
those places someday. Saturn takes him down and hammers away to
start before Rey flips out of a German suplex attempt.
Rey
gets launched face first onto the top turnbuckle but avoids a charge
and hits the Bronco Buster. Oh sorry the Rough Rider. Nash: “The
Old Glory Rough Rider!” Even Nash is cracking up at the running
joke. Saturn suplexes Rey with ease with a t-bone and a big belly to
belly. Nash: “That was a porterhouse!” Saturn cranks on the arm
as Nash talks about the Old Glory Living Legend.
Back
up and Rey dropkicks the knee out, only to get caught in an overhead
belly to belly. Larry: “Old Glory suplex?” Nash correctly
identifies a full nelson and Larry is stunned. A rollup gets two for
Rey but he tries a headscissors out of the corner and gets dropped
face first on the mat. Rey's top rope hurricanrana is countered with
a superbomb for two but his victory roll is enough for the pin out of
nowhere.
Rating:
C.
The match was decent enough but Nash's commentary actually gets
distracting after a bit. It's funny, but this was one of the only
decent matches all night and I was too busy chuckling at Nash's lines
to get into it. Granted when you can make Tenay and Zbyszko
entertaining, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
Saturn
pulls out a chain, lays out Mysterio and throws the referee to the
floor. He adds in the Old Glory elbow drop and the Rings of Saturn
for good measure.
Rick
Steiner/Total Package vs. La Parka/Buff Bagwell
This
has to be a rib from Nash. I mean, it HAS to be. It's a big brawl
on the floor to start with La Parka putting up a better fight against
Steiner than almost anyone else has in months. His reward is a hard
whip into the barricade but at least he tried. Steiner hammers away
on the floor as Bagwell chokes Luger against the barricade. They get
inside for the first time with Steiner nailing La Parka with the
chair. Nash: “And the Old Glory choke on the outside!”
We settle down to
Steiner vs. La Parka (which I believe is Spanish for “what the heck
am I doing here?”) with Rick cranking on the arm. Off to Luger for
a suplex for two but La Parka comes back with a middle rope dropkick.
Steiner shoves La Parka into the corner for the tag to Bagwell as
everything breaks down. La Parka gets in the way of a Blockbuster
attempt, so Bagwell gives him the Blockbuster instead, allowing
Steiner and Luger to stomp La Parka for.....the no contest to end the
show.
Rating:
F.
Nash tried but was more subdued here and there was nothing he could
do with this one. The ending didn't make sense but I'm sure this is
going to lead to something else next week. Now I never said it was
going to make sense or be connected to what we saw here but I'm sure
it's going to lead somewhere.
Overall
Rating: B.
This show was a blast. I know Kevin Nash gets a lot of flack from
fans, but he made this horrible show into something interesting and
entertaining for two hours. That alone makes him into something
better than most of the people on this show, who haven't entertained
me that much over the last few months. This is another show that
barely matters as the writers are changing in the very near future,
so at least it was a fun show to go out on.
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6
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