WARNING: The following program contains action of a Graphic Nature.
Viewer discretion is advised.
(Translation: The following program is taped from Vince McMahon’s upper
lobe. Viewer discretion is advised.)
THE UNDERTAKER has taken over
an Amtracks train, and is driving us straight to hell. THIS … is Shotgun
Saturday Night.
Tonight’s show comes LIVE form Penn Station in New York City. SUNNY and VINCE MCMAHON man the commentary booth as usual. Is this seriously
the best use of Sunny they could find at this point?
THE GODWINNS vs. THE
NATION OF DOMINATION (with Clarence Mason, D’Lo Brown, and a Well Dressed Man)
The Godwinns get the prestigious “already in the ring” treatment, while
no fewer than 80 hobos have taken advantage of the warmth from “under the
ring”. Sunny brags about being the most downloaded celebrity on AOL, and
implies Phineas spends his nights pleasuring himself to her 1.4 million photos.
Give me a break; Phineas couldn’t possibly configure a dial connectoid, there’s
no chance. Mason joins the commentary team, and, interesting fact of the day:
after leaving WCW about 15 years ago, he headed south to Florida to work as an
actual attorney, which he still does today. The fans take to this match right
away, starting up a “BWO” chant that continues throughout the entire match.
After the Godwinns clear the ring, and a “NATION SUCKS DICK” chant breaks out,
we turn to…
TODD PETTENGILL, who is
interviewing a toothless black man in the front row who he claims is his dentist.
Just … why?!?
SAVIO VEGA heads down to
ringside, which Mason celebrates because the Nation always sticks together. Off
to commercial!
Back to the Station, Faarooq is slamming a heavy trunk over the back of
Henry, and he’s rolled back to Crush for 2. Crush does a whole lot of nothing,
before he turns things over to Faarooq who helps the attack with a boring pile
of nada. After far too many minutes of this, Phineas gets the hot tag and the
fans fall asleep. Vega interferes, so Phineas grabs him by the throat, but
Crush saves. The Slop Drop is attempted, but Faarooq clotheslines him behind
the referees back and Crush gets the pin at 10:00. Negative stars are becoming tradition on this insipid
program. -****
THURSDAY RAW THURSDAY!
A limo pulls up to the arena, and HUNTER
HEARST HELMSLEY struts towards the building. TODD PETTENGILL asks him if he’s afraid of losing his title
tonight? Hunter figures he’d sooner ride the Subway than lose a match to the
Undertaker.
HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs.
THE UNDERTAKER (for the WWF Intercontinental title)
Vince asks Sunny about the prospects of her hooking up with Hunter, but
she claims a distaste for men with long hair. Sunny, honey, even Chris
Candido’s gullible ass isn’t buying that line. You know, the Undertaker’s
mystique is one of the finest pieces of show business in wrestling today; but
something’s taken away when he arrives to a Subway station in front of about
200 fans, and enters the ring area via an escalator. The Dead Man charges the ring,
but Hunter’s waiting and throws a series of forearms. Taker shrugs that off,
and launches him with a double handed choke. A whip to the buckle sees the
referee get demolished, and he appears to be in a coma. Triple H upends Taker
with the IC belt, and we take a break.
The referee, stumbling around in a drunken haze like a member of the
audience, is back to calling this one. Hunter drops a knee, and nails a
facebuster to remain in control. A neckbreaker draws a pretty slow count from
the ref, and that little bit of extra time gives Taker the energy he needs to
just hammer Hunter with a soup bone. Hunter slams Taker’s face to the buckle,
but that’s no sold, so Hunter hits a desperation swinging neckbreaker for 2.
Triple H grabs his belt again to defend himself, but Taker steals it away and
smacks Hunter in the face for the DQ at 4:20.
The fans call for the tombstone, but Taker compromises with a chokeslam, and
drapes the belt over the fallen champ. As he’s leaving, he changes his mind,
and figures he’ll tombstone him anyway. Triple H runs like hell, but gets
caught and tombstoned on the escalator – where Helmsley slowly rides back down
into the arms of a couple of referees. This was super spirited from both guys,
shockingly good given the time restraints and the tiny audience. ***
ALDO MONTOYA vs. SAVIO
VEGA (with Clarence Mason, D’Lo Brown, and a Well Dressed Man)
Mason joins the announce booth, while the human jockstrap dropkicks Vega
to the floor. A plancha staggers Savio, and he’s nailed with a crossbody as he
rolls back in, getting 2 for the Portuguese Man of War. Vega comes back with
some loud ass chops, and whips Montoya into the corner with some oomph. Vince
asks Clarence if the Nation is planning on expanding, and Clarence says yes.
Hundreds of superstars (hundreds? There’s like all of 25 guys on the roster!)
are calling daily, but only a select few will be selected. And they chose Savio
Vega? Their scouting reports need a little work; wrestling SABRmetrics would go
a long way.
In the crowd, some guy named TERRY
shows his Vince McMahon action figure to TODD
PETTENGILL, which he’s had since 1985. Todd: “You were, what, 40 at the
time?”
FAAROOQ and CRUSH make their unwanted appearances,
while Vega drops Montoya with a superkick. Aldo fights back, showing “shades of
Sugar Ray Leonard” (dah fock Vince?!?), but a clothesline stops that short. THE GODWINNS and their slop buckets
come down the staircase. I can’t imagine slop is in high demand down at Penn
Station, but I’m willing to bet feces are over-stocked, so I’d tread REAL
carefully if I were the Nation, lest they want the plague or whatever the hell
else you’ll catch down there. Vega works a nerve hold, and I’ve seriously had
enough of him. Do we honestly have another full year of this guy to worry about
before he’s gone? The Nation tries to get involved, but the Godwinns stop them
short, and they pose with their new friend Aldo. We’ll call this a no contest at 8:20 since we never got a closing
bell, and head right into…
THE GODWINNS and ALDO MONTOYA
vs. THE NATION OF DOMINATION (with Clarence Mason, D’Lo Brown, and a Well
Dressed Man)
Yessir, it would appear that Vince flew in all of 8 wrestlers for this
particular program, so everyone’s pulling double duty just to flesh out an
entire hour of programming. Aldo hits a DDT on Crush, while we check in with …
TODD PETTENGILL, with SOME WOMAN. She’s calling out some OTHER CHICK who allegedly stole her
man, and they start to throw down! This *looks* fake, but I won’t rule out a
real fight from this particular trashy group.
Back in the ring, we’re right back to where we were before the break,
with Vega working his crappy offense over Montoya. Faarooq tags in and eat a
neckbreaker. Montoya comes up a half inch short of the tag before Vega cuts him
off. He and Crush double team him with what can only be described as
wheelbarrow dry humping, and the fans give them a well-deserved “BORRRRRING”
chant. Vince: “Clarence, what can you say about the fact that the fans here are
bored with the Nation of Domination’s act?” Clarence: “It’s not the Nation,
it’s Aldo Montoya.” Vince: “I don’t think so.” This could get real ugly.
Faarooq goes for the Dominator, but Montoya slips down with a backslide for 2.
To counter the fans boredom, the Nation slow down the action. Vega hits an
enzuigiri for 2. Aldo tries to fight off a front-face lock, and he makes the
tag, but it comes as the referee is tied up with the Nation and he refuses to
allow it. They repeat the front-face lock spot again, but this time Montoya
escapes with a slam and heads to the top rope because he’s got coleslaw for
brains. A missile dropkick gets 2 before all hell breaks loose between both
teams, and everyone pairs off. Phineas grabs the slop to chase off D’Lo Brown
who was looking too comfortable, while Vega finishes Aldo with a spinning heel
kick at 8:51. Much better than the
opener! -*
Up in the production area, Phineas keeps the chase on, but he misses his
shot with the bucket, and nails PAT
PATTERSON who’s been directing traffic. Vince takes one look at the rainbow
colored sweater of Patterson, and quips “that sweater’s been slopped before”.
Outside, CURTIS LEE who
founded the Guardian Angels, chats with TODD
PETTENGILL. He threatens to give the Nation a wake-up call.
Vince replays Patterson covered in a sticky white mess, yukking it up one last time, as the credits roll.
This was pretty much the end of this disaster of a program. The bar /
subway station concept was scrapped as soon as this show went off the air, and
because they had nothing planned for next week, a “Best of” special is planned,
looking back at all the greatest moments of these last 6 weeks. Following that,
it’s arena content moving forward.
The arena stuff is probably the right choice, but the intimate
environment they were playing with did have its quirks. Had they been able to
massage their nonsense with tighter work, like what we’d seen out of Steve
Austin and Mankind on this program, they’d have been able to out-do ECW’s own
concept. Unfortunately, Vince was far too obsessed with shocking people, and
running Savio Vega out every week for 10 minute matches, and that kind of
format wasn’t going to work out in the long run.
Still, this gave us the earliest peaks at the fact this company wasn’t
afraid to push the boundaries of the TV constraints they were handed, and come
hell or high water, Vince was going to do it his new way, or fall on his sword
trying. More on that, on Thursdays RAW.
I fucking love that Taker/HHH match.
ReplyDeleteThis HHH Taker match was one of the best things I've ever seen. Me and my friends were LOSING OUR MINDS when he rode the escalator!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe nightclub gimmick was totally over with me. Not sure why they don't do something like this now. Understand fully that having Savio Vega wrestle every week was a big turn off. Wish they would have had 2 Cold v Snow every week.
ReplyDeleteHello, fellas, have fun killing yourselves with crazy highspots at Wrestlemania for a belt that hasn't meant anything in years.
ReplyDeleteRoad Dogg, wasn't it? And Gunn was the Hardcore champ.
ReplyDeleteThey should let Simmons and the Cheap Heat crew just shoot on the product.
ReplyDeleteLook at R-Truth just casually walk out there.
ReplyDeleteEspecially you, guy coming off a major neck surgery!
ReplyDeleteThanks. Also, slightly less importantly, do you recall any other time that Undertaker challenged for the IC title?
ReplyDeleteThey already went scorched earth by having him squash Hogan and Rock. There was no turning back. It was the classic WWE move of not going all the way with the guy.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean they didn't go all the way?
ReplyDeleteHe went over damn near everyone, during the brand extension.
Austin wouldn't job to him without build up (i call BS, but thats his story and he is sticking to it.)
HHH was carrying RAW with a new belt. Could he have done the same on SD? Possibly, but who was he gonna face? The run wouldnt have been shit because he would have never met Taker. During the 2008 SD title run (very underrated run for HHH) I do not believe Taker and HHH even touched, and that's a reason that title reign doesn't get the props it deserves cuz he fought guys clearly he was above. Edge/Hardy/Koslov and eventually Orton.
But to say they didn't go all the way with Brock is just not a good comment to make. He went over Rock. Over Hogan on free TV. He went over both the Hardyz at the same time. He went over Taker twice. He went over a reborn and OVER Big Show. He went over Angle. He went over Benoit. He would have gone over everybody had he stayed (and there would be no John Cena or Batista), but Brock flaked and left.
He didn't go over the RAW roster because they were building him on SD in post-production to be the lead babyface there.
Off the top of my head, he challenged for it at In Your House: Beware of Dog in a casket match, but otherwise I couldn't tell you. Part of the reason I write these is to help job my rapidly deteriorating Old Man Memory.
ReplyDeleteThat's my point, he is going over all these guys on Smackdown. Imagine what business might have done if he does it on the show people actually watch?
ReplyDeleteAnd why do you think that Austin story is BS?
With assistance from cagematch.de.
ReplyDeleteWWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Albert (c) by DQ (2:46)
WWF RAW is WAR #423 @ Tacoma Dome in Tacoma, Washington, USA
WWF World Heavyweight Title / WWF Intercontinental Title / WWF World Tag Team Title: Steve Austin (c) [World] & Triple H (c) [IC] defeat Kane & The Undertaker (c) [Tag Team] (25:02) - TITLE CHANGE !!!
WWF Backlash 2001 @ Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois, USA
WWF Intercontinental Title: Rocky Maivia (c) vs. The Undertaker - No Contest (10:15)
WWF RAW is WAR #239 @ Memorial Auditorium in Lowell, Massachusetts, USA
WWF Intercontinental Title: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) defeats The Undertaker by DQ (10:00)
WWF Shotgun Saturday Night #6 @ Penn Station in New York City, New York, USA
WWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) by DQ
WWF House Show @ Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, Illinois, USA
WWF Intercontinental Title Casket: Goldust (c) defeats The Undertaker (12:36)
WWF In Your House 8: Beware Of Dog (Wiederholung) @ North Charleston Coliseum in North Charleston, South Carolina, USA
WWF Intercontinental Title Casket: Goldust (c) defeats The Undertaker (8:00)
WWF In Your House 8: Beware Of Dog @ Civic Center in Florence, South Carolina, USA
WWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Goldust (c) by DQ
WWF Champions Tour 1996 - Frankfurt @ Frankfurt am Main, Hessen, Deutschland
WWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Goldust (c) by DQ
WWF Champions Tour 1996 - Dortmund @ Westfalenhalle in Dortmund, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Deutschland
Dark WWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Goldust (c) by Count Out
WWF In Your House 6: Rage In A Cage @ Louisville Gardens in Louisville, Kentucky, USA
WWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Goldust (c) by Count Out
WWF House Show @ Municipal Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee, USA
Dark WWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Goldust (c) by Count Out
WWF Superstars #489 @ Convention Center in San Jose, California, USA
Dark WWF Intercontinental Title: The Undertaker defeats Diesel (c) by DQ
WWF Wrestling Challenge #420 @ Lowell Auditorium in Lowell, Massachusetts, USA
I rely on cagematch for a lot of info but I don't entirely trust them when they say something is a title match. They seem to list just about every match a champion has as being a title match. For instance:
ReplyDeleteWWF World Tag Team Title: The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart) (c) defeat SD Jones & Sonny Rogers(3:01)
WWF Superstars #55 @ Civic Center in Peoria, Illinois, USA
WWF World Tag Team Title: The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart) (c) defeat Jerry Allen & Mike Richards (2:22)
WWF Superstars #45 @ Market Square Arena in Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Although I suppose most of those Taker matches were actually defenses for whoever was IC champ at the time. He should have joined this year's ladder match to try and complete the triple crown.
And this is where you and I split cuz I respect you as a poster, but you aren't seeing the big picture at the time.
ReplyDeleteBusiness was already getting soft by the time the brand extension was in effect. Business would continue to get softer throughout 02 and thru 03.
Putting Brock as a unproven guy on top as your lead guy in the beginning of a soft cycle would only hurt him in the eyes of the fans and definitely politically. Because all Vince would hear is...
"That new kid aint fixing business."
"I dont think it was a good idea to give him the ball"
And once those seeds are planted, as finicky as Vince is, you get the depush. And depushing Brock wouldn't help at all. Hence, why we agree why Brock on SD was the better idea.
The reasoning above is where we disagree.
Re: Austin/Brock
(pure speculation)
I dont feel Austin would have jobbed to Brock because of two reasons.
1. I dont feel his body could take the punishment Brock was gonna give. Brock was green and Brock is/was tater city just (hearsay). Austin wasn't willing to put him over he says "cuz the timing wasnt right" and he felt "Brock wasnt ready to face Austin.... given proper build up" No problem. Austin wasn't gonna job after one month, it was gonna be a program. It would have to be. Austin was THE TOP GUY. Brock is a nobody and you are giving him the shove. That was gonna have to be a 3-6 month program. PPV... RAW... House show loops... Austin couldn't take that. Plus Austin worked with guys he trusted with his fragile body. Brock was too green. Plus the match was unadvertised. Austin was too old school to fall for that and had the stroke to walk out.
So he does the walk out, he comes back after a while. Brock goes to SD. No more Brock/Austin talks.
2. Politically it was a bad move for Austin. Austin just came back from a stellar 01 run. Then, Austin did the "job" for Jericho twice. He then was 4th from top on WM18 against a alcoholic turncoat that almost went over on Austin (Hall). Then he lost a number one contender match against Taker...
Now you want me to job to a rookie in a qualifying KoTR match?
On free TV?
Clean?
With no buildup?
Austin wasn't jobbing that night... or any night to Brock. Because as soon as he jobbed, HHH would have squashed Brock, the minute Austin left for any reason.. movie... injury... whatever... Had HHH and Brock stayed on the same show and Austin jobbed to Brock... HHH would have killed Brock, or put Brock in Evolution, and then killed Brock. THat's the other reason (IMO) Brock was moved to SD. That is the level of my HHHate.
(/pure speculation)
I definitely think HHH played a hand in putting Brock on SD. Although Brock getting the Batista role and the big Mania push against HHH is a very interesting what if.
ReplyDeleteWas this an 8 hour show?
ReplyDeleteWhich part of the Savage storyline? The similarities between Savage/HHH always playing 2nd fiddle to Hogan/Rock/Austin?
ReplyDeleteCornette said that there were just too many logisitical issues with regards to flying the talent in to work the tapings and getting the venues "TV ready" to keep it going. Given how rigidly in-the-box WWE programming is now, I don't see them giving this sort of thing another shot.
ReplyDeleteThat video was damn near perfect. Colt Cabana, John Morrison, Seth Green, Anna Akana... so many things right about that video. It makes for a nice Intro to Wrestling video for the lay person.
ReplyDeleteThe chick that played Batista was cute as hell.
ReplyDeleteThe one that played HHH looked like the gay guy from "leave Britney alone".
Easy. HHH likes what we like and it shows in NXT.
ReplyDeleteHe has however drunk the McMahon kool-aid and believes Raw has to be a bullshit vanity show for some reason. There's a story in Jericho's new book about thinking little people's court was stupid and had his father "spinning in his grave" AND HE BOOKED IT ANYWAY.
I don't know or even have reason to think HHH is like that though (good)
I'm almost 100% sure Steph is as stupid as her father though
Cute, but it's got nothing on this:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsIkd_apfGU
Yeah, that's Anna Akana. She's one of the few YouTubers who happens to be funny instead of just trying super hard to be funny.
ReplyDeleteYou seem bitter.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you except for Seth Green. He sucks
ReplyDeleteAt least he's a fan.
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed with all the cameos they got. As he said, it wasn't perfect, but it was well done.
ReplyDeleteCongrats Bayless!
ReplyDeleteDude is 1000% on point and he sums it all up in just 4 words.
ReplyDelete"Because wrestling is fake."
And because of that it is awesome.
You can't keep the Hardwick down. I need to know his secret.
ReplyDeleteYeah but that would be irrelevant to any viewer under 38. I watched it live as a kid and I barely remember it.
ReplyDeleteDecent pro wrestler? Um...sure. he's not like the greatest wrestler of the past 15 years, fairly consistently with the best grasp of psychology on the roster. He's just...decent.
ReplyDeleteAnd rewrite history? What history? Its all rewritten all the time and always has been. Max's 4 words:
ReplyDelete"Because wrestling is fake."
"And that drives him MAD"
ReplyDelete"Triple H is insecure"
"This shows Triple H is insecure"
"Ha ha he called Triple H a B+ player"
"I wonder how much this video is about the real life HHH being insecure"
er...I don't know...it sounds like someone is bothered for sure, just maybe not HHH...?
Fuck it. They should just go with Sting/HHH as the Mania Main Event.
ReplyDeleteKinda grates that he mixed/merged so much shit (crazy Orton in 2003, Evolution forming to take down Shawn Michaels etc), but it was well made. The part about Jericho being better than HHH in 2000 is rubbish though.
ReplyDeleteTbf that's how most of tall come off when talking about wrestlers you hate.
ReplyDeleteNormies? Always figured you were whacko, but that seems to confirm it.
ReplyDeleteI marked out when Blog showed up at the end.
ReplyDeleteStill beats blog otters.
ReplyDeleteIf I had long hair like HHH, there's no way in hell I'd be taking a headfirst bump onto an escalator.
ReplyDeleteWWE is obviously desperate for mainstream attention, but something tells me they'll be ignoring this and won't be asking Max Landis to host RAW anytime soon.
ReplyDeleteHow many goddamn times do I have to say "I get that"? Fucking seriously. I'm talking about the parallels between the character that Landis presents and some of the ideas we've gotten about HHH behind the scene.
ReplyDeleteI loved that video. The need for drinking added to it. John Henry? Oh come on.
ReplyDeleteOne time on his Twitter feed, Landis showed a strong interest in wanting to be one of the writers for them. I have an feeling that that won't happen now.
ReplyDeleteB-b-but...Robot Chicken, dude!
ReplyDeleteThis episode always stood out in my mind. I remember watching it live as a teenager.
ReplyDelete