Last stop before the pay-per-view! And, like Shotgun, I suspect this is about to be another colossal waste of my time and yours, with no matches and plenty of hype. Stick around would ya?
Superstars kicks off with Shawn Michaels’ blubbering speech. I’ve said all I need to say on the subject over the last 3 days.
JIM ROSS and DOK HENDRIX are given microphones that don’t work, LIVE from Chattanooga, Tennessee. Jim Ross laughs it off, because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION!
For reasons that I can only assume are designed to troll the hardcore fans at this point, Shawn’s speech is replayed in full, again. Christ almighty, even WCW took the gas pedal off the Roddy Piper replays once in awhile.
Ross: “It took a hell of a man to do what Shawn Michaels did.” Dok: “You’re darn right, what a class act!” ... biting tongue.
The Western Union Rewind is ... are you frickin’ kidding me?!? Again?!?!? Come ON! He’s not even on the pay-per-view – how about we talk about the guys who WANT to be there?
Backstage, STEVE AUSTIN is interviewed by Dok. Austin says all Michaels showed was the length of the yellow stripe down his back. He’s a quitter, and a coward, who didn’t want to face Austin at Wrestlemania. Dok: “Those are Stone Cold’s opinions which I don’t share.” Austin: “Are you calling me a goddamn liar?” Dok quickly changes the subject to Bret Hart, and asks if he’s able to put aside his problems with Bret long enough to concentrate on the match at hand. Austin promises nothing’s going to stop him tonight.
Sid is announced as the #1 contender for the belt, no matter who wins tonight. He’ll face the new champion on RAW.
The Austin / Sid encounter from RAW replayed, with Ross speculating that this could have been a preview for a title showdown tomorrow night.
KEVIN KELLY is with VADER, and he’s as focused on Bret Hart as Austin is. He’s already defeated Bret before, and despite what happened on RAW this past week, he still figures he’s the uncrowned WWF Champion. With a reminder he can’t be disqualified tonight, he knows it’s Vader Time.
Meanwhile, this past Tuesday on Prime Time Country on TNN, HILLBILLY JIM played guitar, while JESSE JAMES sang With My Baby Tonight. It’s been over 2 years, maybe it’s time to write a second song?
After a special video look, and getting the Dok Hendrix stink sprayed all over him when Dok picks him to win the Final Four, THE UNDERTAKER meets up with KEVIN KELLY. Taker reminds us he’s the most powerful entity in WWF history, and recommends the other guys worry more about saving their souls than trying to win.
HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY comes into the live arena, where Ross asks him what happened on Thursday? Hunter promises that tonight he’s going to prove that Rocky doesn’t belong in the same ring as him, and if Rock refuses to give the belt back, he’s going to get hurt.
After JR picks Austin to win, STEVE AUSTIN’s music hits in the empty arena, and he marches right to the ring, even though absolutely nothing else has been set up yet. For god knows what reason, he starts taking apart the turnbuckle pads. VADER arrives now, with PAT PATTERSON and JERRY BRISCO throwing themselves in his way to keep away from the ring. And lest anything interesting happen, Ross declares us out of time! In Your House: Final Four ... next!