Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Matt's Monday Night RAW Recap - 4/27/2015

Extreme Rules was absolute flaming dogshit and highlighted much of what I've been going on about for the past few months.

Those who still disagree with me about the product WWE is putting forth, in all likelihood, will never be convinced of this fact. That's ok. I mean, you guys have some real resolve. Maybe I'm wrong and Extreme Rules and RAW have been exercises in brilliance. Let me review to see if we watched the same show here (and, if you don't wanna sit through this, just skip to the review portion):

  • Another shitty Divas match where, suddenly, we're supposed to care about Nikki (even though she's a heel) or Naomi (who's suddenly a heel because...she wears glowing tennis shoes which are evil as fuck, I guess) in a match that's a placeholder until Paige returns. 
  • Lucha Dragons? Over with the crowd, everyone seems to love them. Nope. Oh, and those guys who used to be tag champs, who were far more talented and who everyone loved? Fuck them, too. NEEEEW DAY for some reason. At least they didn't get the titles off a distraction roll-up. Oh, wait. Yes, they did.
  • A Chicago Street Fight that spilled out on the streets -- except we never saw that bit because WWE thought it would please the fans more to have Ambrose and Harper drive off in a car and vanish for a half hour. And, by the way, anyone care to explain how the car returned without so much as a scratch on it? Weren't they fighting in it the whole way? Shouldn't the car be totaled and/or beat up? Goldust vs. Piper, this was not.
  • Cena and Rusev's "chain match". When I think "chain match" and "extreme rules", I think of dudes beating the fuck out of each other with a fucking chain. Not running around, trying to tag turnbuckles while chained to one another like they're contestants on MXC. What pretentious crap.
  • Sheamus vs. Ziggler. Dolph wins. Ziggler kisses Sheamus's "arse", anyhow. It's bad enough that we even had this match in the first place (along with Lawler's vomit-inducing pontification in which he wondered, aloud, if either guy had "washed their asses" prior to the match, which was so awful, he shut himself up), WWE couldn't even follow through with the stipulation. This just confirms my suspicions that the match only existed for the purpose of seeing how many times WWE's various announcers and on-mic staff could say the word "arse" in a given amount of time.
     
  • And speaking of stips that didn't matter, a Steel Cage match that was designed to keep The Authority out...but didn't. With the added stipulation that the RKO was banned...but we saw it twice. And what was supposed to happen if the RKO was used? Wasn't it a "No-DQ" Steel Cage match? Then how do you DQ somebody for breaking a rule? We all know Rollins will either play the semantics card and say that Randy wasn't allowed to use it. Either that, or he'll claim to have hit a Diamond Cutter and not the RKO. Honestly, I'm not putting anything past Creative at this point. At least not since Kane asked us to imagine a dark, ominous world where El Torito was WWE World Champion a couple weeks back. What, you think that wasn't a threat?
So, we did watch the same show. Just checking. The same one where Reigns and Show actually turned out to be the best match on the card? Yep. Sounds like the same show to me.

Is this what it's come to? We look up at all that and say, "Eh...acceptable"?

Readers wonder why I watch the show. I watch it because it's been better than this...and because I write for this and two other blogs and they expect some sort of output concerning the subject. I know most of you know that what we're being given is aggravating as it is frustrating. I also know that most of you know it's hard to admit that what you're watching sucks "arse", if I may.

BTW...if Bray Wyatt acknowledges that Bo Dallas is his brother, as has been rumored, just remember who the fuck suggested that shit.

Let's go...

We get a video montage of King of the Ring, a tournament that's SO important, it took a five-year hiatus!

We are LIVE(!!!) from Green Bay, Wisconsin!!!

JBL, Cole and Booker are the guys on the mics.

Cole gives us our KOTR ladder:
  • Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett
  • R-Truth vs. Stardust
  • Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus
  • Neville vs. Luke Harper 
Seth Rollins leads us off, followed to the ring by J&J Security and Kane. Everyone is friends despite Kane chokeslamming the shit out of all three guys he's standing next to. Rollins says that Orton learned what everyone has known for a long time: you cannot outsmart Seth Rollins. He built and destroyed The Shield and he cashed in the MITB case at the right time to become champ. He's a fighting champion, a valiant champion. The crowd tries a "WHAT" chant and, also, "YOU SUCK". But, hey, they graduated from "YOU SOLD OUT", so that's good. Rollins takes all credit for his win. Kane looks incredulous. Rollins says he hit an "SKO OUT OF NOWHERE", much to the amusement of his kiss-ass security guys. Most of all, he'd like to thank Kane for being the "Crypt Keeper". He stutters and says he didn't mean to say that. Kane isn't a "relic". Rollins says he did a good job guarding stuff.

Kane isn't happy and says, without him, Orton would be champion -- especially since Rollins cheated and used the banned RKO to win the match. And there's WWE's giant middle finger to the fans. They exchange un-pleasantries -- until Orton shows up at the top of the ramp.

Orton points out that even Kane says that Rollins cheated to win last night -- so that means that Orton should get another shot at the title. Orton appeals to Kane -- who says that Orton has a point.

Reigns interrupts for more talking, walking down the first and only deck of this tiny little WCW Saturday Night-sized arena. Rollins wants to know why Reigns is out here. Reigns says that Rollins is missing his "giant" -- and that's because he put him through a table and dumped another table on top of him. He says it's HIS turn to get a title shot. Crowd's not happy about that. Rollins does a sarcastic cheer and says that both Reigns and Orton lost to him -- so neither guy deserves a shot at the title.

Kane clears his throat to interrupt. He says that both Orton and Reigns make compelling arguments. So, hold on a second, playa! Tonight, it's Rollins and Kane vs. Orton and Reigns -- and the fans will decide who Rollins defends the title against at Payback.

Kane's music hits and I'm half-hoping the REAL Kane comes out to trash everyone involved with this mess of an opening segment.

NEXT: Ziggler vs. Barrett in the first match of the KOTR tourney.

MATCH #1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament)
Ziggler attacks but Barrett trips him up, kicking Ziggler in the legs. He beats Ziggler in the corner, then hits a running elbow off the ropes. He drops an elbow and stomps at Ziggler and whips him into the ropes. Ziggler kicks Barrett and dropkicks him. Barrett rolls out of the ring. After a break, Barrett has Ziggler in a headlock. Ziggler breaks and fights back with clotheslines and a Stinger Splash in the corner. Barrett catches Ziggler in mid-air on a follow up but Ziggler rolls him up for two. Barrett goes for the Fireman's Carry of Doom but Ziggler counters into a DDT for two. Barrett comes back, slinging Ziggler into the corner, then hits the Wasteland. Two count. He misses a Bullhammer and Ziggler counters with a Superkick. Close two count. Sheamus shows up in, what I'm sure, is the first of many screwjob finishes. He yells at Ziggler to remember last night when Ziggler kissed some "arse". Distraction. Bullhammer. Done at 8:17.
WINNER: Barrett via Bullhammer
RATING: **. Nothing special, plus it's really getting hard to rate matches positively when they're interrupted with loads of commercials.

Sheamus grins as he realizes that his mission is accomplished.

TONIGHT: The tag team match with Kane and Rollins vs. Reigns and Orton

NEXT: The New Day.

The New Day are out, feeling great. Nobody cares until Woods declares them champs and thanks all his "clappers". Woods tries to transform "NEW DAY SUCKS" into "NEW DAY ROCKS" but the crowd isn't buying it.

MATCH #2: Big E (w/ Xavier Woods & Kofi Kingston) vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Cesaro & Natalya)
Initial back and forth sees Kidd kicking E in the head and hitting a Springboard Missile Dropkick. E bails from the ring. Kidd chases and kicks E in the face. He tosses E back in and runs at him. E hits a weak clothesline -- and WINS?! Are you fucking serious? Wow. Talk about your major falls from grace. Time was 1:21.
WINNER: Big E
RATING: DUD. I'd say that this was a squash and shouldn't count but seeing as though these guys were major competitors and opponents as of just last fucking night, that's just complete bullshit.

LAST NIGHT: Cena and Rusev played Slap the Turnbuckles and Rusev lost. 'Murica!

AT PAYBACK: John Cena vs. Rusev for the United States Championship because Russian Chain Matches don't solve anything.

TONIGHT: Cena invites another mid-carder to job to him.

NEXT: Ryback in action. 

When we come back, Bo Dallas is introduced as Ryback's opponent. Dallas says that Ryback's actions at Extreme Rules were "reprehensible". He calls the Wisconsin fans "cheeseheads" and says that Ryback can walk away right now in order to clear his name.

MATCH #3: Ryback vs. Bo Dallas
Ryback mandhandles Dallas. Dallas trips him up and beats on him, laying the ring's side matte over him. Headlock by Dallas. Ryback breaks. Dallas goes to a buckle and flies at Ryback, who catches him in a Spinebuster. Ryback hits a Meathook and Shell Shock to complete the squash at 2:17.
WINNER: Ryback via Shell Shock
RATING: n/a - squash

Bray Wyatt's video edit hits and the arena goes dark. Another edit and Bray's standing behind Ryback. Ryback turns and runs at Bray, who catches him and hits Sister Abigail in one deft move. He does the Raven as we go to commercial.

NEXT: Cena wants somebody to beat him. Please?

John Cena's out to yack a bit. Cena says he beat Rusev last night and the CHAMP IS HERE -- just in case anyone missed Extreme Rules. He calls the chain match "brutal" when it was anything but. He says that Lana somehow got another match out of The Authority. Then he basically says that Rusev has a "pimp hand". Nobody reacts. Cena says that he "kids" about spousal abuse. Anyhow, he'll never surrender and all that. You'd think that would be it but, no. Cena hits the cheap pop with a Vince Lombardi reference. The challenge is open and the person taking the bait challenge is:

Heath Slater. I need more fuckin' wine. This beer isn't doing shit.

What's more? SLATER WANTS TO FUCKING TALK. Slater says he's going to take advantage of a "crushed John Cena"...yet, if Slater wins here, it would not surprise me. He says he's better than Aaron Rodgers. Rusev comes in out of nowhere and knocks Slater down, then Superkicks him...soooo, we're not having the match then?

Lana shows up and SHE has a mic. Rusev grabs the mic and tells her to back off and go backstage. She does. Crowd wants Lana as Rusev screams at everyone and tells them that they're all quitters. At Payback, Cena will quit, too. After Payback, he'll be saying "I Quit". Oh, and there's the Russian flag.

Backstage, Kane's pacing. Rollins shows up and he wants "clarification" about the "fan decision". Kane says it's gonna be the WWE App that settles everything. Rollins asks if Kane's out of his mind. Kane gets in Rollins' face. Rollins says that Triple H and Steph will have something to say about this. Kane says that Rollins carries himself like he's "the man". Kane says that he thought Rollins could handle himself, no matter what. The choices are:

  • Randy Orton
  • Roman Reigns
  • Or both at the same time
Rollins yells some more.

MATCH #4: R-Truth vs. Stardust (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament)
Truth hits a quick flipping cover for a one count. Star comes back with some stomps, then kicks Truth in the head. Two count. Star kicks Truth in the head after laying down. Star claws at Truth's face and yanks at his arm. Truth breaks but Star tosses Truth to the ring and does a cartwheel. BOOKER: "What was that?" COLE: "Cartwheel." BOOKER: "I know that, but, WHY?!" Star yells at the crowd. Truth hits a kick to the Star's head. Two count. Star hits a Russian Legsweep. Two count. Counter pins for a couple two counts. Star goes for the Disaster Kick but Truth counters with the Lie Detector -- and wins?! What alternate universe am I in here?
WINNER: R-Truth via Lie Detector at 3:14
RATING: 1/4*, if that. Look, I get that the mid-card is supposed to be supporting the show but don't give me raw cookie dough and tell me that this is fully cooked.

STILL TO COME: The big tag match

MATCH #5: Adam Rose (w/ Rosebuds) vs. Fandango
Some running around and Fandango hits a dropkick. Rose bails from the ring, then trips Fandango when he chases. Rose gets back in and chokes Fandango on the middle rope. Rose taunts the crowd with the Fandango. Fandango hits chops and tosses Rose from the ring. He hits a NICE flipping splash, nailing Rose and landing on his feet. Impressive. Oh, but, Rosa's there to distract Fandango so that Rose can hit the Party Foul and win the match at 1:49. Right when you thought Fandango had escaped this bullshit and started to climb the ladder back into contention. Here we go again.
WINNER: Adam Rose via Party Foul
RATING: DUD. Are you surprised?

Post-match, Rosa taunts Fandango, drifting around some sort of pseduo-accent. She makes out with Adam Rose.

Renee Young is backstage with Brie Bella. Brie talks up Daniel Bryan and how he would compete at anytime. WWE cares about Daniel Bryan. Naomi shows up and pops Brie in the mouth, then declares that WWE doesn't care about Brie or Bryan. Mm-k.

MATCH #6: Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella) vs. Naomi
Brie hits a couple presses and the two women yank at each other's hair. Naomi comes back with a forearm, then stomps at Brie. She bulldogs Brie into the buckle and hits a backbreaker. Two count. Naomi chews gum as her evil  LED SHOES OF DOOM change color. What is this gimmick supposed to be anyhow? Naomi hits a Legdrop and covers for two. Chinlock of Doom is put on. Bie finally breaks and tosses Naomi into the corner. Brie and Naomi fly at each other and do...something. Both women are down. They get up. Brie hits a clothesline and dropkick, followed by a knee to the gut. Brie hits a knee to the face and missile dropkick. Two count. Naomi elbows Brie in the jaw and rolls her up for the win at 3:37.
WINNER: Naomi
RATING: 1/2 a *. At least it was short.

STILL TO COME: The tag team match.

ALSO: Vote for the main event at Payback.

Dean Ambrose is out for a match as Cole reminds us that Harper and Ambrose stole a car last night.

MATCH #7: Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament)
The Kiss Me Arse match is over and I'm still hearing the word "arse" about six times too many. Ambrose and Sheamus exchange lock-ups and headlocks and holds and, finally, Sheamus hits a shoulderblock. Ambrose tries to trip Sheamus and ends up putting Sheamus into a leglock. He locks Sheamus into an armlock but Sheamus fights out. Sheamus hits an uppercut. The two trade shots until Ambrose puts Sheamus into the corner, clotheslining him. Ambrose tries a Bulldog but Sheamus counters it. Ambrose knocks Sheamus out of the ring and tries for the Flying Psycho but Sheamus evades that. After a break, Ambrose breaks a headlock, but Sheamus hits a knee to the gut. Sheamus taunts Ambrose with kicks to his head. Finally, Ambrose manages to hit the Rebound Clothesline, but both men are down. After getting up, it's a fistfight with Ambrose getting the best of it. Sheamus finally grabs Ambrose and slams him to the mat. Sheamus calls for the Brogue but misses. Ambrose rolls him up at two.

Sheamus rushes Ambrose, but Ambrose sidesteps and Sheamus leaves the ring. Ambrose hits the Flying Psycho, then tosses Sheamus back into the ring. Ambrose goes top rope but Sheamus evades, then grabs Ambrose for a shoulderbreaker for two. Sheamus goes for White Noise but Ambrose counters. Two count. Sheamus hits the Cloverleaf -- but Ambrose forces a break. Ambrose is outside the ring ropes. Sheamus goes for the Ten Beats but Ambrose fights out and drops Sheamus's neck on the top rope. Ambrose hits a nice elbow off the top rope, NEARLY getting the fall. Sheamus rolls out of the ring and Ambrose chases. The two men fight outside with Ambrose killing Sheamus with ringpost shots. Sheamus hits the Brogue. So Ziggler suddenly shows up to attack Sheamus, sending him to the next round at 12:34, which makes no fucking sense, but that's par for the course as of late.
WINNER: Sheamus via DQ
RATING: **3/4. Would have been *** if it wasn't for the ill-timed DQ spot.

Post-match, Ambrose is furious.

TONIGHT: The big tag match.

ALSO: Vote for the Payback main event.

Damien Sandow is in the ring. He goes into old school Sandow mode and begs the crowd's indulgence. He says he's not gonna lie to anyone. He came out here in a blue bathrobe and that ended badly. He was told he wasn't "entertaining". That's when he started to imitate people. He settled into Miz-dow. That caused him much disrespect and, ironically, respect with the WWE Universe. He thanks the fans for their support and says that, without them, he wouldn't be there today. He asks what's next...and Curtis Axel shows up.

Aaaaand, he has a mic. He insults Sandow for trying to be somebody else. Axel imitates Hogan. Miz-dow imitates Axel imitating Hogan, then imitates Axel. The crowd is amused by all of this. Axel tells Sandow to leave the "Axe-man's ring". Sandow imitates that, too. Boy, this went south quick. Axel attacks. Sandow fights back and then does the Hogan "ear" move. He goes for the Atomic Legdrop but does the People's Elbow instead.

ON SMACKDOWN: Cesaro and Kidd take on The New Day for the WWE Tag Team Championship in a rematch.

Bray Wyatt does a needless promo, seeing as though we already know who he attacked.

THIS WEEK: WWE Network has stuff that nobody in their right mind would watch.

ALSO: Dweebs send in their videos, hoping to be Tough Enough hopefuls.

MATCH #8: Neville vs. Luke Harper (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament)
Neville hits a nice Hurricarana to throw Harper from the ring. About 37 counters later, Neville hits a nice Frankensteiner. Neville goes for a dropkick but Harper blocks it and covers for a two count. After a four minute break, Harper is in control which is broken. Neville tosses Harper out of the ring but rushes back in. Neville evades his boot in the corner and hits a Springboard Moonsault, tosses Harper back in the ring and gets two following a Standing Shooting Star Press. Harper takes over again and goes for the Sitting Powerbomb but Neville counters into a German Suplex in stride. Neville tries a Frankensteiner but Harper counters with the Sitting Powerbomb for two. Harper picks Neville up but Neville fights back with a punch to the face. Harper beats Neville in the corner. He puts Neville on the top buckle but Neville fights out and kicks Harper in the face. Neville hits a nice Super Powerbomb and hits the Red Arrow for the win at 10:12.
WINNER: Neville via Red Arrow
RATING: ***. Good match.

TOMORROW ON THE KING OF THE RING SPECIAL:
  • Bad News Barrett takes on R-Truth
  • Sheamus takes on Neville
PLEASE VOTE: The Main Event at Payback

MATCH #9: Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Kane & WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins (w/ J&J Security - Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)
Reigns and Rollins start. Several arm bars and counters later, Rollins is taken down and he rolls outside the ring. Rollins gets back in and Reigns hits a Tilt-a-Whirl Slam. Orton tags in and drops Rollins on the top rope. After some stomping, Reigns tags back in, putting Rollins on his shoulders. Rollins escapes and bails, tagging in Kane. Reigns drops Kane to the mat.  Orton tags in and Kane beats on him, then drags him to the heel corner. Rollins tags in, stomping at Orton. Rollins dumps Orton to the outside of the ring. After a break, Rollins has Orton in a headlock. Orton fights out but Rollins clotheslines him to take him down for two. Rollins picks Orton up and clotheslines him a couple times. Kane applauds because their friends again. Orton comes back with a belly to belly suplex. Hot tags on both sides. Reigns takes Kane down with clotheslines and ten punches in the corner. Clothesline off the top rope. Samoan Drop to Rollins who tries to run interference.

The fight spills outside and Kane regains control, shoving Reigns into the ringpost. Both men get back into the ring. Kane whips Reigns into the buckle and tags Rollins. Rollins stomps at Reigns. Reigns fights back but Rollins hits a kick and Reigns goes down. Two count. Tag to Kane. Sidewalk Slam for two. Bear Hug but Reigns breaks. Kane kicks him down. Two count. Tag to Rollins. Mudhole stomps. Tag to Kane and him and Reigns trade shots. Hot tag to Rollins who nails Reigns and tries to splash him in the corner. Reigns evades, slams Rollins to the mat and it's a hot tag to Orton. Orton misses the first powerslam but hits the second one. Kane comes in and tries to Chokeslam Reigns. Reigns breaks it and dispatches Kane. Reigns hits a Superman Punch on Joey Mercury. All hell breaks loose with Orton hitting the Elevated DDT on Rollins. Orton goes for the RKO but Rollins rolls him up for two. Orton gets up but Rollins hits a kick to Orton's head. Everyone ends up outside except for Rollins. Rollins leaps at everyone and hits J&J and Kane. J&J involve themselves. Kane beats up J&J and then uppercuts Rollins, rolling him back into the ring. Reigns hits a Superman Punch and Orton finishes Rollins with an RKO to win this thing a 18:40.
WINNERS: Randy Orton & Roman Reigns
RATING: ***. The main flaw was that the match didn't need to be anywhere near 20 minutes long. There is a nice satisfaction, however, of Rollins eating an RKO to end this thing.

Post-match, Kane reveals that Rollins will face:

Randy Orton & Roman Reigns in a Triple Threat Match. Surprise. 

Rollins is not happy. Reigns hits a Spear on Rollins. Everyone goes home happy as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **1/4. Not a bad show. The first half of this thing was junk but it recovered which is ironic, since RAW never seems to do that. The thing that's missing is that each episode doesn't appear to be "about" something. It has no personality past being a bunch of matches with a couple marquee bouts. 

Er, that's it.

115 comments:

  1. Cena vs Orton,one more timeApril 28, 2015 at 1:17 AM

    "WINNERS: Randy Orton & Randy Orton"


    One Randy Orton is boring enough,two of them could literally cure insomnia.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good point. Need to change that. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Right. It was a tie.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I liked Lana as a strong female character, even if she was taking all of her material from Brigitte Nielsen. I don't like WWE turning Rusev and Lana into 1998 Marc Mero and Sable.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "He goes for the Atomic Legdrop but does the People's Elbow instead."

    No, sir. That was the Elbow of Disdain and I, for one, and happy to see it come back.

    ReplyDelete
  6. No idea how people watch this stuff live, but God bless those of you that and poor ol' Matt for making lemonade each week for my reading pleasure.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Extreme Rules was not shit, it was not great, it was just tame tepidness. I can't even get myself to care enough to hate it.

    It was almost on par with the Greg Valentine vs Steve Gatorwolf match on Prime Time Wrestling that I watched last night, but at least those guys looked like they were trying to win a wrestling match, instead of trying to Entertain The WWE Universe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Was it? I have no idea what Sandow is doing anymore. :(

    ReplyDelete
  9. It was mostly shit. I'm not even looking for "great". I'm looking for, "I just spent 60 bucks because the WWE Network doesn't exist, so you better make me NOT regret throwing away a tank of gas."

    it wasn't even close.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Could be that. I think this is going to lead to Lana "winning" her "independence" by taking off her clothes in front of a horny crowd led by a panting Jerry Lawler, hence the Sable comparison.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sandow, R-Truth and Adam Rose used actual finishers tonight. I can't remember the last time I saw any of them win a match with something other than a roll-up.

    ReplyDelete
  12. There was nothing offense about it. I could sit there slackjawed and sit through three hours of it if I were too lazy to grab the remote.

    They aren't doing what is necessary to grow their audience. They simply follow their template to make it just barely palatable to keep their existing audience from bailing for good.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I like how WWE decides now to acknowledge Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella are married when they need to get Brie back on the babyface side.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Why? When you watch RAW do you give it extra points for being in colour and stereo sound? Or do you accept that it would be anachronistic to treat it like a remnant of a bygone era - and in which case, accept that the average viewer for a WWE PPV is on the sofa watching having paid £9.99. And accordingly update your rating yardstick.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You paid $60 for Extreme Rules? :(

    ReplyDelete
  16. Serious question for the author: Why is it harder to rate a match with commercial breaks? I think we can all watch a football or baseball game or boxing/MMA match with all of their commercial breaks and still tell somebody whether it was a good game or a good match.


    I understand that wrestling isn't quite the same and that you can't rate the portion you didn't see, but I would assume that you'd assume nothing important happens during the break and don't count it toward or against the rating.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I rarely watch Raw live so it rarely effects me, but I've always found commercial breaks just kill a match for me. I think it just kills the flow. it's like a song being interrupted, as opposed to commercials during a sport.

    ReplyDelete
  18. PG, dude. She will probably just take the pins out of her hair.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The average viewer lives in the UK?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ha - yeah that £ doesn't belong there. Most the UK viewers I know are using US accounts anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  21. California, baybee!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Did everyone hear this exchange?


    JBL: Neville could be our first high-flying king! Well, I suppose Owen, but he couldn't fly like this.
    Booker: He couldn't defy gravity!


    He sure couldn't, Book.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I only watched the Harper/Neville match, but enjoyed it. Delighted Neville's being booked strong thus far - he's more than capable of staying over based on in-ring ability alone. I dug the KotR graphics and the If I Was King promos. Sheamus/Neville could be excellent.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yikes, really? Gave up on the show by that point

    ReplyDelete
  25. And I imagine Kane will be back with the Authority next week...sorta like nothing happened, but with knowing glances every now and then.......time for another break....maybe they'll right the ship by Money in the Bank

    ReplyDelete
  26. "Adrian Neville may be the first high-flying King Of The Ring. Owen Hart was a high flyer but not like this. Owen didn't defy gravity"

    Booker T, ladies and gentleman!

    ReplyDelete
  27. MaffewOfBotchamaniaApril 28, 2015 at 3:47 AM

    Why don't you use the Network?

    ReplyDelete
  28. (Pictures Booker calling Undertaker's match next year)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Scruffy The JanitorApril 28, 2015 at 4:00 AM

    I'm sorry but for all the shit at Extreme Rules, New Day was not one of them. The tag title match was far and away the match of the night.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Of course it won't be anything as risque as Sable or The Kat. Probably a bikini.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I thought Raw was surprisingly decent this week, if not spectacular. At least it felt like it was fairly full of actual matches for once.

    I wonder how the total in-ring time on Raw this week measures up to the last few. Felt like a lot more.

    Also, Kidd wasn't just pinned by the clothesline - Woods was holding him down from the outside, not sure if you missed that?

    ReplyDelete
  32. TheOriginalDonaldApril 28, 2015 at 4:35 AM

    So THAT explains her spread in Maxim!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Me too! And I'll bet we have the exact same zip code!

    ReplyDelete
  34. You could just read reviews from other sites and write up your own review based on their reviews. I hear that's a thing.

    ReplyDelete
  35. exactly. I thought everyone on this blog understood the whole concept of babyfaces and heels. reading that opening rant I obviously assumed wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  36. At least New Day is embracing the heelse heat. They are much more acceptable that way.

    ReplyDelete
  37. my problem with Matt's recaps is that I feel like he is already so bitter and turned off by the product that he wouldn't even recognize when something is good (much less great).

    ReplyDelete
  38. And you could write up a review of other people's reviews.

    ReplyDelete
  39. pretty sure I saw you the other day when i was rollerskating down by the beach with some babes

    ReplyDelete
  40. All this aside, Harper is freaking awesome. Dude just sticks out because he's so different acting and looking. Plus, he does stuff that a guy his size seemingly shouldn't, like superkicks, and it makes him all the cooler. That dude needs more people taking about how great he is.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I have no problem with them to acknowledge that Bray and Bo are brothers. It's not like it's going to destroy the characters. If it fails they can always pull an Edge and Christian anyway and just forget about it anyway. If anything it would add to their characters. I mean it's not like theyre doing much with them anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I've gotten the feeling lately that Bray's promos are actually about Bo, and wanting to make him a follower. Like, Ryback just happens to be in the way. Afterall, Bo's character sees himself as a hero, and Bray tends to feud with those kinds off characters. But, maybe I'm just reading into things.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Then we could get someone on the site to review my review of other people's reviews. This is gold!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Tell me he did not just say that.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Let me know the next time you watch any of those were they have a commercial break in the middle of a play.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Yep probably. That would actually be interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Kinda pissed Ambrose failed.....again. Being KOTR would've at least been something he could have while the other shield guys are main eventing.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Commercial breaks during matches kinda died during the Attitude era, and there was a little feeling of nostalgia when they first brought them back - I think people were happy to have matches that went long enough to HAVE a commercial break. Like everything else WWE, however, they've totally overdone it.

    ReplyDelete
  49. So Axel basically has Eugene's gimmick now?

    ReplyDelete
  50. Man, I remember Nitro and Thunder getting really bad and having breaks in seemingly every match, even if they were only like 5-6 minutes long.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Hey guys, I got an advanced script from next week's Raw. Here's a part of it.

    Cole: Rollins just turned on Kane! He effectively stabbed Kane in the back!

    JBL: I don't know what Rollins was thinking! You do not want to stab a monster in the back!

    Booker: Monsters do not respond well to stabbings! I remember monsters like Bruiser Brody and you're right JBL! Bruiser Brody would tell you he did not like to get stabbed...

    Cole: ...back to the match!

    So, that's weird, right?

    ReplyDelete
  52. "Those who still disagree with me about the product WWE is putting forth, in all likelihood, will never be convinced of this fact."

    You hadn't stated any facts, and besides, you're right: those who watched the show and reasonably formed their own opinion (there's the word you were looking for) are unlikely to be swayed by anyone who has a different opinion just because they expressed it with more anger than articulation.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I didn't realise he'd apologised. Good on him.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Re: this review. It seems Raw does this to everyone who ever reviews it. Time to step away, Matt, for the sake of your mental wellbeing.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I thought that this guys whole gimmick was undying positivity?

    ReplyDelete
  56. Didn't see that heel turn coming, did ya?

    ReplyDelete
  57. You're thinking of AndyPG, this is Matt.

    ReplyDelete
  58. that's the previous guy, this one is the opposite

    ReplyDelete
  59. If the guy I like loses, the show sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  60. ROCK-em SOCK-em Robot!!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:26 AM

    Err...why is this the review we're jumping on Matt for? Misunderstanding New Day aside, this review was kind of complimentary. Most positive he's been in a while.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Vintage gimmick account!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:29 AM

    You're thinking of Andy PG. His positivity ultimately turned him insane.

    ReplyDelete
  63. *gimmick account handshake*

    ReplyDelete
  64. I think a lot of people who have reviewed shows since Scott stopped doing them could really benefit from taking a more detached approach, rather than the entire thing coming off like a foaming at the mouth fan of a losing team. Expressing negative opinions is fine and often warranted, but this snark overkill, acting like you're owed something better is just really tiresome. Matt's hardly the only guilty party here.

    I think the whole format of reviews needs to be reconsidered. Everyone's been doing the same basic format, with a cosmetic difference here or there, that Scott perfected and has been doing for years. Why not try, I don't know, literally any other way to review a show?

    ReplyDelete
  65. i like bayless recap, no lenghty opinions, just what happened on the show and some thoughts at the end

    ReplyDelete
  66. Agreed. This is why, with my short-lived review, I didn't even bother pretending every single segment was worth my time and wrote it more AV Club-style. I'd highly recommend a format change that doesn't make someone put the gun to their head that is watching every fucking second of this show.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:33 AM

    I have an idea. Why don't you do the RAW reviews, Mike? Let us see that new format.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Yeah, I agree. Bayless does a great job. And the format works for him since he's mostly reviewing old stuff. Tommy's good, too. I don't think anyone, Matt included, does a BAD job; hats off to anyone who tries to more or less transcribe every single segment of this nonsense. But trying any kind of format change at this point almost seems necessary.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:36 AM

    I don't see a current one up.

    ReplyDelete
  70. He used to review RAW

    ReplyDelete
  71. I mean, surely no-one actually watches all three hours, every week? That'd drive anyone insane. Csonka at 411 has a good format; brief recap with star ratings and thoughts. A blow-by-blow account is not needed. And I'm not knocking Matt, he writes well, but as you say, changing format might be helpful.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:37 AM

    And I'm sure it wore on him just like it does everyone else....because it's terrible and no one in their right mind could last too long doing it.

    ReplyDelete
  73. I don't understand why people writing voluntary recaps act like they are martyrs for attention from bod posters though.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I was excited when they brought in Booker T for commentary on RAW, simply because the Cole-JBL-Lawler trio was reaching new levels of horrible. But I think at this point Booker would be better off and more entertaining as a manager to a tag team that needs a boost. He can even dole out an axe kick or a Book End occasionally.

    ReplyDelete
  75. I did them for a couple months or so, I think during the Bryan/Authority/Abeyance feud. I didn't have the time to stay up that late every Monday, so I turned it into occasional longer-form pieces on bigger-picture topics, first here and then at P2B. Admittedly, it's been a few months since I wrote anything other than my contribution to the wrestler of every year project.

    ReplyDelete
  76. I enjoyed writing them, it was the being up until 1:30 in the morning and having to be at work at 8:00 the next day that I couldn't keep doing. Coming up with an interesting way to spin it was already starting to have diminishing returns, though, so you're definitely right.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Booker as a manager for Uhaa Nation when he comes in would be fun.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:42 AM

    Because we have this new movement, for some reason, of defending the product even though it's currently mediocre at best.

    ReplyDelete
  79. I'm not hounding the guy, the product isn't very good. But writing paragraph after paragraph about how shitty it is won't change anything. I'm suggesting, for Matt's sake, that he step away from doing the Raw recap. Doesn't seem like he enjoys it.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:45 AM

    It's gotta be a tough thing to do every single week. That's why the format doesn't bother me. It could be much worse, we all could be hanging at 411.

    ReplyDelete
  81. ROCK-em SOCK-em Robot!!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:49 AM

    I maintain that the product is somewhere in between Andy's reviews and Matt's usual reviews. Not good, not bad, just mediocre.

    It would be acceptable if it was only two hours.

    ReplyDelete
  82. http://www.rspwfaq.net/2013/08/the-postgame-analysis-monday-night-raw.html

    Anyway, this is how I was doing them. I can't ever be objective about old stuff I wrote; I almost always think it's terrible. But I wrote it assuming the reader watched the show (which is how I pitched it to Scott, since someone else would be already writing a traditional-style recap), much the way a game article recaps important details but assumes the reader saw the game.

    I think they would've been better if I'd waited until the next day and put together a more complete, essay-style narrative. But I wanted to get them up as soon after Raw as possible, hence the fragmented format.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!April 28, 2015 at 6:52 AM

    Of course he's not enjoying it. It's not very good right now. If you read the match recaps in his review, he's still describing things that happen. He's not just writing, "This bullshit match happened. The end." If he weren't trying anymore, that would be one thing. He simply doesn't like the current product, so yes, it's negative, but why would he need to step away from it because of that?

    ReplyDelete
  84. maybe it'd be better to have fun with the show if it sucks so much. Those old Thunders were terrible, so Scott would rag the shit out of them, making fun of everything and busting out the Hot Pokers. The Raw reports as of late tend to sound resigned, weary and flat out depressed, which kinda takes it out of the reader too.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Because, as Time says above, he's recaps sound weary, like it's getting him down. It's just a wrestling show, and this is just a blog, so perhaps he doesn't need to take it so personally or feel obliged to give in-depth recaps of every match.

    ReplyDelete
  86. i remember those, they were fun read

    ReplyDelete
  87. RAW feels like the same show every week now. You got the Authority promo to start the show to setup the Authority tag main event, then you have an IC title or midcard match, a divas match or two with distraction finishes thrown in there, a match featuring the tag division, a segment with Sandow/Miz, Cena's US challenge (which has been good), another usually long promo with the Authority, and then the main event that rarely has a clean finish.


    Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

    ReplyDelete
  88. "Flaming dogshit" seems a little...harsh. Extreme Rules wasn't actively bad, it was just kind of there. So much so that I fell asleep during the chain match and didn't wake up until the next morning.

    ReplyDelete
  89. It was perfectly fine for an In Your House show.

    ReplyDelete
  90. i get the feeling that the writers are burned out and just rely on the same formula again and again

    ReplyDelete
  91. One actively stupid piece of booking from this Raw: Tyson Kidd losing in under two minutes to Big E. What the fuck is the point of that? They have a rematch tomorrow on Smackdown (which I disagree with, but anyway...), why not build that up - have New Day go over PTP or something.

    ReplyDelete
  92. It's like they have a format sheet that they use every week and they just fill in the wrestlers names.

    ReplyDelete
  93. "Extreme Rules was absolute flaming dogshit..." Come on, man. If you said that it was meaningless and mediocre, I would be fine with that, but from the pre-show through the ending of the Ambrose vs. Harper match, it was a pretty entertaining show. Absolute flaming dogshit should be reserved for a straight up bad pay per view, which Extreme Rules really wasn't.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for the new Loserweight Champion of the World, FANDANGO!

    ReplyDelete
  95. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but why do you guys keep watching a show you know will be boring? Like, why not just watch the Hulu version or YouTube clips?

    I dunno...I like to spend my wrestling time watching wrestling I'n likely to enjoy. Have you guys watched PWG, EVOLVE, or ROH? You might really enjoy one of those.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Like Danimal's awesome TNA reviews. "Two women fought, for some reason. The looked good though, win with a roll-up."

    ReplyDelete
  97. I agree but I do see where he's coming from. If it's something he really likes and cares about if they're giving him shit sandwiches I could see why it would get him so down. I'm a Jets fan and by week 7 of last year I just stopped watching the games and just watched NFL RedZone. Straight garbage can get you down, but you have to know when to step away.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Like the Joker's 2nd "scar story" in the Dark Knight.

    ReplyDelete
  99. So now he's lost to a hologram, a TV, and expectations. Poor guy.

    ReplyDelete
  100. You're doing what creative should, read into things and make it interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  101. "4 seconds left in the Super Bowl, Patriots down 5. Brady takes the snap, drops back, airs it out deep aaaaand we will be right back"

    ReplyDelete
  102. New Day is the best failed face gimmick since The Honkytonk Man.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Because the WWE Network doesn't exist. Pay attention!

    ReplyDelete
  104. Definitely, I know what it's like to care about some beyond the point of reason. I detest the concept of hate-watching and don't think it's any good for the soul, so I'll try to step away - even if it's something that (in theory) I like.

    ReplyDelete
  105. "Extreme Rules was absolute flaming dogshit"

    Anything starting with that is hard not to mock.

    ReplyDelete
  106. The way Bayless does it is ideal as well.

    ReplyDelete
  107. "Those who still disagree with me about the product WWE is putting
    forth, in all likelihood, will never be convinced of this fact."

    Time to go learn the difference between opinion and fact.

    ReplyDelete
  108. ...maybe because he doesn't watch the show and wants to be able to read a recap that is worth reading?

    ReplyDelete
  109. AverageJoeEverymanApril 28, 2015 at 8:05 AM

    Ive kind of thought that too with Bo coming back with a beard and all

    ReplyDelete
  110. I don't get it, why is this guy writing snarky, funny reviews on a blog whose creator got notoriety (in part) for writing snarky, funny reviews?

    ReplyDelete
  111. This seemed realistic until it involved you being with babes.

    ReplyDelete