Sunday, April 12, 2015

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–05.20.96

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.20.96

Taped from Sioux City, IA

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Stone Cold Steve Austin v. Wildman Marc Mero

It’s the battle of bitter Bischoff firings! Austin works on the arm and they trade hammerlocks on the mat, and Mero gets a crossbody for two and they exchange more mat wrestling until Mero dropkicks him to the floor. Back in, Mero charges and walks into a stungun in the corner. Austin takes over with choking on the ropes and we take a break. Back with Mero getting a rollup for two, but Austin takes him down and drops the middle rope elbow for two. I should note that this is either really early in the taping or really late because there are dozens of empty seats on camera side and you can see people getting up and leaving during the match. Austin goes to a lengthy chinlock, but Mero fights out and hits a double axehandle for two. Clothesline gets two. Dibiase trips up Mero and Austin goes up to finish, but Savio Vega runs in for the DQ at 12:00. *1/2

Meanwhile, things are bad in Kuwait, but AHMED JOHNSON and America team up to rescue them from devastation. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be walking around the Middle East wearing American flag themed Zubaz at the best of times.

Savio Vega v. 1-2-3 Kid

Yay, more Savio. He tosses the Kid and goes to a chinlock back in the ring, and that goes on for a while. Finally Savio gets distracted by Ted Dibiase and Kid takes over with a spinkick for two. Vince and Ted discuss the merits of being a chauffeur while the Kid gets a flying splash for two. Hey, maybe if Savio had gone with the chauffeur gig he could have ended up in the Hall of Fame like James Dudley! Kid goes to the chinlock as we take a break, and we return with Kid getting a legdrop for two. They slug it out and Kid chokes him out on the ropes, but Savio hits a kick for two. Savio with a nice uranage for two, but Kid spinkicks him again and then misses another flying splash. Savio rolls him up for the pin at 9:43. And then Steve Austin attacks in revenge for the last match. Slightly less boring than the opener, I guess. **

Meanwhile, at Madison Square Garden, the Godwinns win the tag titles from the Bodydonnas and Sunny tricks PIG into signing a contract for her managerial services. And so the Godwinns will now defend against the Gunns during the PPV pre-show, thus giving them a tag title reign of a little over a week. Why they didn’t just have the Gunns return and beat the Bodydonnas directly, I have no idea.

Undertaker does an interview from a casket, and yet again Mankind attacks him and seals him into the casket. Well really he was kind of asking for that one.

The British Bulldog v. Jake Roberts

We get a bunch of silliness before the match with Diana filing a restraining order against Shawn Michaels, so Gorilla sends her back to the dressing room so that Shawn can come out and do commentary. In the Observers at the time, Meltzer was really white-knighting this storyline, pointing out how strong business was and how great of a heel reaction that Davey Boy was getting all over. Jake quickly gets the kneelift, but Bulldog bails for advice from Jim Cornette. That advice? “If the people in the Dairy Queen drive-thru screw up your order, stand up for yourself!” Bulldog works on the knee for a while as we get some thrilling action of both guys laying on the mat and selling. Bulldog stays on the knee while Jerry assassinates Shawn’s character on commentary. They really should have done more with the subplot where Marty Jannetty also threatened to come clean with Shawn’s dirty laundry from the Rocker days. They actually could have gone somewhere with that and had him blackmailing Shawn or something along those lines. Jake finally fights back and sets up for the DDT, but Bulldog takes out the knee again and goes to a half-crab now. Jake makes the ropes, so Bulldog drags him out again and goes back to working on the leg to slow down the torrid pace of this classic encounter. And then with a minute left in the show, the damn Network starts lagging and buffering again. As if to punish me by elongating this shitty, boring match on this shitty, boring show. Back to the half-crab, but now Diana wanders out as we take a break. Back with Shawn beating up Jim Cornette and no apparent finish after 13:00 of “action”. DUD Great way to build up Bulldog for that title match on Sunday.

The Pulse

God damn fourth week taping cycle shows.

Next week: Everything up until now was basically a prologue to what happens on Nitro. THE MONDAY NIGHT WARS BEGIN!

82 comments:

  1. Oh, yeah, THAT show. Mike Enos squashing some jobber, until.....someone crashes.

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  2. One month later and NO ONE was getting out of their seat for an Austin match.

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  3. Also, it's pretty clear why they hotshotted the belts onto the Godwinns before putting them on the Gunns: it was to further the Sunny storyline and turn the Boddydonnas face.

    Of course, why anyone would think the Bodydonnas would draw as babyfaces (particularly with "Kloudi" as their manager) is beyond me.

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  4. He added so much to those broadcasts too.

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  5. One month later and a lot of the deadwood was gone, wasn't it? The New Gen got turfed left and right.

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  6. Just finished daredevil. Good tv show especially since I'm not a huge daredevil comic/movie fan. However, I was rooting for Fisk in the last few episodes because I like rooting for the bad guy.

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  7. Burt Macklin, Man Without FearApril 12, 2015 at 9:31 PM

    Agree with your assessment. Ridiculously fun **** brawl with some top notch storytelling and use of several different pieces.

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  8. Burt Macklin, Man Without FearApril 12, 2015 at 9:34 PM

    They did a great job making Fisk more than just a "bad guy" but a real character. He and Matt are eerily similar and if you look at their goals they want to accomplish the same thing. Just via different methods.

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  9. Speaking of non-fat days the Big Show was in supreme condition at Summerslam 1999.

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  10. Going *** for Money in the Bank for a great ladder match, a second good ladder match and a good tag match. That makes it:

    TLC: *3/4
    Battleground: **1/2
    Royal Rumble: **3/4
    Money in the Bank: ***

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  11. Undertaker/Big Show vs. Kane/X-Pac was a better-than-expected match. I'd go ***1/4. I love the end when Undertaker got pissed at the Big Show's sloppy cover and tagged himself in to get the win.

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  12. Biggest problem with in-n-out are the long lines no matter when you go. I wanted some right now and then just saw the line out the parking lot

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  13. Was it the gaysex predator?

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  14. Wait, Conroy isn't Batman in Origins? The fuck?

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  15. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonApril 12, 2015 at 9:47 PM

    So there is an episode of China, Il. that says that when white people call each other "brother" they have to do each other favors.

    This cartoon also has Hulk Hogan on it.

    I wonder how much input he had on the script.

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  16. So this happened



    http://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/4920150201136.gif

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  17. Burt Macklin, Man Without FearApril 12, 2015 at 9:54 PM

    Yeah they went with a different voice. He's doing the voice in Arkham Knight though.

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  18. I wouldn't go that far. I'd say more like 6 months later.

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  19. "Jack Swagger intends on being a champion that transcends generations."

    Well, we didn't quite get there, did we?

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  20. A Marty Jannetty blackball story would have been interesting, but I don't think the WWF was ready for something like that.

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  21. Never thought I'd see the day a Savio Vega match rated higher than a Steve Austin match.

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  22. yeah. ESPN put a post on the website

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  23. Savio needs tobe in the Hall of Fame because he's a Caribbean legend, dammit! It's not like they can outright lie with these nicknames, people!

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  24. ROCK-em SOCK-em Robot!!!!April 12, 2015 at 10:18 PM

    I still say there was money in heroin addict grunge rocker Marty feuding with 96 Shawn for a month.

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  25. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©April 12, 2015 at 10:18 PM

    On the bright side, he could become the next Jim Duggen.

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  26. I, sir, will not stand for you calling Steven Dunn a jobber!

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  27. and they still sent him to fat camp about two months later.

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  28. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©April 12, 2015 at 10:21 PM

    :laughs for 2 minutes:
    That was amazing.

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  29. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©April 12, 2015 at 10:23 PM

    It was a 42 minute match.

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  30. Burt Macklin, Man Without FearApril 12, 2015 at 10:24 PM

    Closer to 48

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  31. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©April 12, 2015 at 10:25 PM

    And I still haven't watched it yet, planning to one day out of curiosity.

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  32. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©April 12, 2015 at 10:27 PM

    Kofi always can pull out the craziest spots.

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  33. "Yep Mode" Abeyance Brown ©April 12, 2015 at 10:30 PM

    Same, how else will we solve mysteries?

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  34. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

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  35. Marty really would have been a legit Raven character brought up to character

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  36. The first few 24 seasons was perfect for binge watching

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  37. Was business really strong at this time?

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  38. The roster got more and more depleted as time went on. It wasn't until the next summer where you had more variety, but workrate was way down.

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  39. Name 2 matches the guy won!

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  40. The last of the taping cycles are always so hilarious to watch. The crowd noise is pumped to ridiculous levels while 3/4 of the arena is blacked out, damn near all of the seats are empty, and the few fans who are still there are bored out of their minds.

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  41. Well Dunn over the Bushwackers on the 11/28/94 Raw!


    And... uh...

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  42. Listen to the crowd!

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  43. Awesome! Are you going to do rants for RAW and Nitro now that you're in the MNW era?


    PS I've been a long-time reader for years but have never left a comment. I've always enjoyed your stuff and rank your ratings > > > > Meltzer's. I believe it was your rant of GAB 1989 back around 2000 or so that led me to tape trading for it and then pretty much every WCW PPV ever pre-1996.

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  44. So.. Germans really are the superior race??


    Thanks Hitler!

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  45. U ETH A! U ETH A! U ETH A!

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  46. Adam "Colorado" CurryApril 12, 2015 at 11:42 PM

    I intend to bang Rhonda Rousey and be a future F1 world champion.

    Most likely not happening, but it's good to have goals, right?

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  47. Adam "Colorado" CurryApril 12, 2015 at 11:55 PM

    You call yourself CIMA. That alone makes you good people in my book.

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  48. So to get that dumbass show cancelled I just have to call a Cartoon Network exec "brother". Nice.

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  49. Rorschach's JournalApril 13, 2015 at 1:26 AM

    Mickie James hooking the leg....sometimes, ya know...the WWE cameramen just KNEW where to be, back before TVPG.

    http://gfycat.com/DescriptiveOrnateJapanesebeetle

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  50. Name 2 SINGLES matches the guy won!

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  51. Rorschach's JournalApril 13, 2015 at 1:28 AM

    Yeah, it makes sense to me, because he's starting out in Origins, and hasn't gotten the Voice figured out yet. He's also much younger. Glad Conroy is back for Knight though.

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  52. Rorschach's JournalApril 13, 2015 at 1:29 AM

    Before she discovered the name of a good plastic surgeon, you mean.

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  53. Rorschach's JournalApril 13, 2015 at 1:30 AM

    Now, the question is whether or not they're going to all be healthy and how many of them survive. The odds HAVE to be long considering the mother's age, and the fact that it's a multiple pregnancy.

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  54. I preferred Savio as KWANG.

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  55. This. He was presented as a real badass, and Savio Vega was just not.

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  56. "Ween" Dean AndrewsApril 13, 2015 at 4:22 AM

    "Cum In My Ass"?

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  57. "Ween" Dean AndrewsApril 13, 2015 at 4:26 AM

    I can imagine the promos now.


    "But what about me? What... about... *stares at nothing for 2 minutes* Hey, a wrestling show! Neat!"


    "Quoth Jannetty... What?...."

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  58. "Ween" Dean AndrewsApril 13, 2015 at 4:27 AM

    Does Hungry Hungry Hippos count? I hear the guy's a beast.

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  59. "Ween" Dean AndrewsApril 13, 2015 at 4:29 AM

    Feinstein was still only really involved in ECW at this time.

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  60. Only if you buy him dinner first.

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  64. Battle Kat LitterApril 13, 2015 at 5:22 AM

    I did too. At least Kwang was a moderately interesting gimmick, with the mist and the MARTIAL ARTS. Savio Vega was such a bland character.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Battle Kat LitterApril 13, 2015 at 5:29 AM

    What is the sound of two-hundred-and-fifty pounds of shit hitting the fan?

    Savio Vega!

    Pretty sure I've got that joke right

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  66. Who's that guy who can't fly
    S-A-V-I-O
    There the audience goes.

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  67. It's definitely still real to him!

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  68. "Yay, more Savio"

    I was at KOTR '95. Don't tell me about too much Savio.

    ReplyDelete
  69. CruelConnectionNumber2April 13, 2015 at 8:53 AM

    Mero and Austin are still SO boring at this time. Austin gets going around July/August and Mero always sucks.

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  70. Sure was a lot of Savio Vega those days.

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  71. Yeah, the 1st word that came to mind (besides STUPID STUPID STUPID) is unethical

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  72. But he danced.

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  73. Theberzerker, #1 HUSS CHOMPIONApril 13, 2015 at 10:56 AM

    Yup, and I couldn't fucking stand it.

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  74. Ugh I thought Kloudi had been erased from my memory until now.

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  75. For a guy whose role was supposed to be a mechanic, Steve wasn't having a lot of great matches around this time.

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  76. The most annoying thing about Vince commentary is his insistence on using everyones full name everytime. WILDMAN MARC MERO WILDMAN MARC MERO HERE HE IS ITS WILDMAN MARC MERO LOOK AT THIS MOVE BY WILDMAN MARC MERO WHAT A MANEUVER BY WILDMAN MARC MERO

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  77. Mero vs. Austin: can also be the battle of bitter WWE falling outs today...oh wait, the Austin thing was just NEWZ...

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  78. Frank Millers Daredevil > his Batman.

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