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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–04.29.96

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 04.29.96

Live from Sioux City, IA, as we’re in the rather sad era following the departure of Bret Hart, Diesel and Razor Ramon all at once, with 1-2-3 Kid soon to follow.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Bart Gunn v. Mankind

Mankind pounds on Bart in the corner, but charges and hits the post. There’s suddenly blood in a variety of places on Mankind’s face and Bart’s shoulders, so obviously there was a shot that hit harder than intended somewhere. Bart bails and they slug it out on the floor and back in for more punching. What a weird match so far. Bart works on the arm and they head outside again, where you can see blood staining Bart’s pants and Mankind’s hands. We take a break and return with more dull brawling as Mankind controls, but Bart slugs back to polite applause. Bart goes up with a missile dropkick for two. Flying elbow gets two. Bart does some ground and pound, but Mankind applies the Mandible Claw from the bottom and finishes at 10:46. What an odd choice for an opener on the live show. * Jim Ross stops Bart on the way out asking for insight on what the Claw feels like, but Mankind attacks him again and lays him out.

I should note that the WON for this week details the tour from hell in Germany, which resulted in the Kliq literally taking a shit in Chris Candido’s food among other wackiness. At least Randy Orton kept it confined to gym bags.

Stone Cold Steve Austin v. Scott Taylor

Austin stomps a mudhole in the corner while Savio Vega challenges him to a CARIBBEAN STRAP MATCH on commentary. Austin with a Giant Swing and middle rope elbow for two while Jerry Lawler insults Puerto Ricans in general while hiding behind Vince. Austin wraps him up in a really bad STF and then finishes with the Million Dollar Dream at 2:30.

The British Bulldog is out, and he wants a word with Shawn Michaels. Shawn puts himself over, and then Cornette makes scandalous accusations of trying to seduce Diana Hart-Smith at the PPV. HE’S A FORNICATOR! Shawn is all “Don’t flatter yourself” and Diana slaps him, triggering a brawl. Meltzer went gaga for this angle and feud at the time, but it completely fizzled out by King of the Ring and was never actually paid off.

The New Rockers v. The Godwinns

Winner of this gets a title shot. There’s your summation of the tag division right there. First 2:30 is stalling before Jannetty controls PIG with armdrags. The Godwinns chase them out of the ring (Leif: “Hold me back!” Vince: “No one is stopping him!”) and we get, you guessed it, another two minutes of stalling as now Sunny joins us to show off the belts and we take a break. Back with the Rockers getting the heat on HOG as this drags on. Marty misses a fistdrop off the middle rope as Vince points out their dorkiness. I think the problem was that they didn’t go far ENOUGH with their gimmick. They could have done vignettes like the American Males where the 30-something goofs were trying to be a boy band or something like that. Sunny distracts both teams and it’s a double countout at 9:51. The crowd is shocked into silence by this development. And silent for the entire match as well, so I can only conclude the whole match was pretty shocking. DUD So no one gets the title shot. Sounds fair to me.

Meanwhile, Mankind is interviewed in the basement and wants to demonstrate the Mandible Claw on Jim Ross. JR wisely declines.

The Ultimate Warrior v. Isaac Yankem DDS

Correct me if I’m wrong, but this would be the one and only in-ring appearance on RAW for the Warrior, would it not? Vince starts plugging the Warrior University nonsense at this point, which was part of Warrior’s deal to come in. Warrior hits Yankem with a pair of corner clotheslines and tosses him as we take a break. Back with Warrior apparently making a comeback with more clotheslines before finishing with the big splash at 3:44. DUD Lawler is so upset that he decides to take care of the Warrior himself, but sadly the director can’t give him any more slack on the headset cord and he’s confined to the desk area.

The Pulse

I was never really into that Bulldog angle, and of course we know what a disaster the Beware of Dog PPV turned into, although not through any fault of theirs. Star power was seriously lacking at this point and it really shows.

Comments

  1. Austin gotta tighten that STF up.

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  2. Scott, any idea why your archives are down on Inside Pulse?

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  3. They sort of paid the HBK-DBS feud off twice. He got a clean pin at the King of the Ring (great match too) and he got a submission win a 1 and a half later at One Night Only when HBK sort of referenced it again in a roundabout way.

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  4. Warrior also had a Raw match with Goldust and his last WWF tv match with Owen. Both matches were pretty decent from what I can remember.

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  5. That's exactly what I was thinking. It's funny to hear Austin give Cena so much shit over how he applies the hold.

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  6. Is there a Scott Sez for the IYH show before this?

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  7. Yes it was posted a few days ago.

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  8. Austin wasn't using it as a finisher though.

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  9. Scrolled right passed it, thanks!

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  10. We have clearance, Clarence.

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  11. I was not a fan of Shawn in 1996. I was hoping Hogan would jump back and destroy him and win the title back. I hoped that Lawler would beat Michaels too, bring s former AWA champ too.

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  12. So Warrior got to destroy Kane before he was Kane. Sadly, Hogan never got a chance to destroy Kane.

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  13. Harlan Leverage IIIApril 9, 2015 at 9:56 PM

    Idiot Tits would work better on a T-shirt.

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  14. CruelConnectionNumber2April 9, 2015 at 10:00 PM

    Kane called Barrett "Wade" when we took possession of the IC Title from him on Raw. Was weird.

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  15. CruelConnectionNumber2April 9, 2015 at 10:04 PM

    Nikki was "fearless" in that she refused to back-down to Stephanie's insurmountable odds each week as she was punished for Brie leaving. When Nikki turned heel, she explained she was "fearless" in that she no longer would let her sister push her around and steal the spotlight.

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  16. I never watched it until one day my wife and I watched like 4 episodes during a marathon and it was actually really entertaining, I'm sad to admit.

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  17. I'm guessing they figured the Diana Hart-DBS marriage was shaky enough without adding storyline into it.

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  18. dont remember warrior wrestling goldust on raw, but he def wrestled owen in july 96 when earlier in the show gorilla monsoon announced warrior's suspension and then they showed the taped owen match

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  19. Whatever happened to "Crazy" Alicia Fox and wasn't Natalya supposed to embrace her heel side. It would be nice if they actually stick with the characters they try to establish instead of dropping them after a few weeks.

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  20. Mankind was a really lame gimmick at first with the whole wannabe Phantom of the Opera gimmick. In retrospect, they should have just used him as Cactus Jack from the start, reveal that the Manible Claw was one of the many dangerous moves he learned while wrestling outside the US, and slowly build him up as a bad ass that he eventually draws the wrath of the Undertaker, leading to their epic feud....

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  21. Shawn's storyline makes up for it though. And Cornette was great selling it since he could do faux righteous indignation like nobody else.....

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  22. Yeah, if they'd done that instead Foley just might have made it.

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  23. The Goldust one was the KOTR qualifier, which ended in a double countout.

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  24. At the very least it would have made 1996 much more interesting while the rebuilding took place. Plus, they could have connected Austin and Foley earlier via having Foley in the Brian Pillman role as far as Austin and Foley calling out Taker and Brett, as cowards and laying the groundwork for Foley turning to Vince when Austin won the title, via having Foley never forgive Austin for turning on him when they were fighting Bret/Taker

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  25. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

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  26. I live raw and they run the godwins and new rockers for 10 minutes? No wonder they were getting smoked. Also the match with warrior was when I knew he had nothing left in the tank

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  27. Damn.. Google Ad Sense plays dirty.

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  28. Do you think Foley not being a lazy fuck like Brock Lesnar helped him? Do you think Brock Lesnar is a lazy fuck?

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  29. "It's good to be king"-John Cena

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  30. Was Bret Hart a lazy fuck for taking off in 1996?

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  31. The fact that it's 19 years alter and Glen Jacobs is still occasionally involved in Raw main events is disturbing.

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  32. OK, maybe Raw didn't get better after WrestleMania. I take back my comment about that in the pre-Mania episodes that were lackluster. Outside of the kickass episode where Vader injured Yoko's leg, most of them are bombs.

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  33. It was slightly better than their IYH "match." :P Whoever booked Goldust vs. Warrior to go 15 minutes needed a good kick in the pants.

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  34. <▪▪▪▪▪ How to attract and seduce a woman▬-----> -> CLICK HERE-<-

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  35. Is it time for another vacation and/or movie for him to film?

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  36. 11 place women want to be touch------> ->CLICK HERE<-

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  37. How To Seduce A Woman In Ten Minutes ------> ->CLICK HERE<-

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  38. Cena vs Orton,one more timeApril 9, 2015 at 11:08 PM

    The WWE can be compared to the Indian government bureaucracy-guaranteeing lifetime employment no matter how incompetent you are at your job.

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  39. Adam "Colorado" CurryApril 9, 2015 at 11:09 PM

    Fuck. Off.

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  40. Just like you calling Brock Lesnar a lazy fuck, you're wrong.

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  41. Virgil's Gimmick TableApril 9, 2015 at 11:21 PM

    Foley got 3 characters over big time. One being a comedy character. The other two completely different types of psychos. So over in fact that he could just be himself and main event. So over that he could play all three and not have to kayfabe his way out of acknowledging the others. I'm much happier that he branched out and showed his diversity than play one character forever.

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  42. Adam "Colorado" CurryApril 9, 2015 at 11:21 PM

    I'm trying to figure out why anyone cares.

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  43. Adam "Colorado" CurryApril 9, 2015 at 11:22 PM

    Please die.

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  44. At the very same time that Shawn Michaels is denying that he's a womanizer on Raw, Ric Flair is proudly stating that Elizabeth is his sugar mama on Nitro and blatantly tries to take Debra away from her husband Mongo.

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  45. We have since made up after two appeals on my part. We're tight again now.

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  46. I think Brie Bella came up with it. She also came up with the "Yes! Movement" slogan for Daniel Bryan.

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  47. I think they're blinded by her big tits and skimpy ring shorts.

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  48. If I had the internet when I was a kid, I would've been Googling her. Just as I had a stash of Hustler and Playboys back then.

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  49. Adam "Colorado" CurryApril 10, 2015 at 12:42 AM

    I'm gonna knock up your sister and make you pay for the abortion.

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  50. I'm starting to think WWE and New Day planned this "heel turn" from the get-go. Wasn't word on the street that Big E, Kofi and Woods were originally going to be a heel group, but WWE didn't want to debut them like that right after the Ferguson case? The way the company has embraced this heel turn -- while playing tone-deaf with so many other acts -- makes me think they were aiming for it to happen all along, even tried to make New Day especially annoying to ensure the crowd would reject them as babyfaces.

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  51. She never told anyone.

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  52. She keeps using that word. I do not think it means what she thinks it means.

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  53. MaffewOfBotchamaniaApril 10, 2015 at 2:56 AM

    ''They get in the ring but Ziggler comes out to call Sheamus the offspring of Captain Jack Sparrow and Carrot Top.''

    People are being paid money to write lines like this.

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  54. Marshawn Lynch's press conferences are more eloquent than Brie's promos.

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  55. "Austin wraps him up in a really bad STF and then finishes with the Million Dollar Dream at 2:30."



    When did Austin debut the Stone Cold Stunner?

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  56. "At the very same time that Shawn Michaels is denying that he's a womanizer on Raw..."


    I wonder how many fans heard HBK deny being a womanizer and responded "Well of course not: you're gay."

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  57. I'm taking a guess that this is the RAW where Diesel would have jobbed out to Warrior as Nash has described in several interviews. Probably would have been the usual heel exit where he goes "And if I lose to Warrior, I'll leave the WWF forever!" and he loses in about 2 minutes.

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  58. If I recall it was about Stu. Davey thought it made him look dumb but Bret/Owen thought it would be embarrassing for Stu.

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  59. HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT! HUG IT OUT!

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  60. I know I did. This was right around the time I stopped watching wrestling. As a teenager, male stripper Shawn Michaels was not someone I wanted to see on your television.

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  61. And welcome to the doldrums, '96 style. Between the thin main event scene, the usual post-WM blues, and WCW finally hitting it big on a top storyline, the next several months are going to be a chore for Raw-watching Scott (though I still want to see him rant on them). It doesn't start to go back uphill until Bret comes back in October. Until then, good luck!

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  62. It strikes me as just another dumb nickname that will be forgotten about faster than "The Big Traitor" and "The CLB".

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