Thursday, May 28, 2015

Bork Laser returns!


I guess they finally figured out that actually using or at least mentioning the guy they're paying 5 trillion a year for might be a sound business strategy.  

407 comments:

  1. Face Brock Vs Rollins time?

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  2. I hope Brock and Paul stay babyfaces.

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  3. Good timing....I think just about all his heat is gone from WrestleMania.

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  4. eh I think Brock will always be over. His part-time status is actually a blessing as the WWE would have killed his heat had he actually been on TV.

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  5. This is a joke right?

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  6. Ambrose's odds of winning at Elimination Chamber just went from 1% to .000000001 percent.

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  7. Robinson TilapiaMay 28, 2015 at 12:49 PM

    Riiiiight. Just wait until that first riff hits and/or Heyman walks out for the first time.

    I can't remember the last time I've looked forward to a worked beating like I'm looking forward to Rollins becoming a resident of Suplex City.

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  8. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!May 28, 2015 at 12:51 PM

    He was at 1%??? That seems too high.

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  9. Vroooooooooooooooom, vrooooooooooooooooooooooooom

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  10. If they wanted to put the title on Ambrose, I don't see how this changes anything.

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  11. Because that kind of ruins the story of Lesnar wanting revenge on the guy who stole his title, if some random midcarder is carrying it instead.

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  12. Seth can always win it back beforehand.

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  13. I guess, but would there be any point in a 3 week reign?

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  14. He would still want to kill the guy for screwing him over.

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  15. It'd be cool TV.

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  16. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 1:30 PM

    That's b/c you're into foreign curators who not only look past but actually condone your murderous ways

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  17. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 28, 2015 at 1:30 PM

    *Hit the Music*

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  18. I think his views evolved like President Obama's.

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  19. IF YOU SMELLALALALALLALA

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  20. Oddly enough, they've got that with Seth Rollins right now because he hasn't established a new finisher yet, so he's won matches off a few different moves.

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  21. Sounds like a heck of a guy.

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  22. I feel a large factor in this is that WWE has trained its audience to not care about the actual matches or even the actual storylines (hence their constant lack of focus on matches or storylines making any sense), but more about the entrances and the mere presence of the WWE Superstars themselves. It's why there's 50/50 booking. It's wins and losses don't matter. It's why titles don't matter. WWE focuses on the idea that at the end of the day, fans aren't paying money to see John Cena win, or beat X guy, they're paying to simply see John Cena.

    It's about the brand and not about anything else. That's why the matches are so formulaic and you see the same endings with different guys in different roles with no rhyme or reason. What's actually happening is secondary to the presence of the action figure/video game character being live and in person.

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  23. At least Fear Factory hasn't sued for royalties yet (ECW entrance music)

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  24. He sounds like the real life version of Mickey Rourke's character in The Wrestler.

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  25. Just without the accomplishments.

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  26. I was thinking about him, as well. Since they 86'ed the Curb Stomp, he has finished opponents with that pendulum DDT variation and the Pedigree also.

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  27. Elaborate, por favor.

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  28. Maybe they should just have their main event in the second half of hour two and let the last hour be largely fallout and upper midcard matches.

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  29. Dusty worked very good pro wrestling matches.

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  30. "London tells another Benoit story. He was with Benoit and Jamie Noble in Buffalo and Chris was hungry so they pulled over at a Hooters. It was 11:30pm and they were getting ready to close and as they were shutting the door, Benoit stuck his foot in and asked if they were open. Anyway, they sat down and a table near them were being loud and disrespectful to the waitress so Benoit told London that he should go over and say something to them. He went over and told him to keep it down and how they were irritating his friend. The guys told London to bring his friend over to them but after a minute they stopped. They leave and approach them to say they were sorry and they recognize Benoit and when one of the guys went to put his hand on his shoulder, Benoit told him to get his fucking hand off of him. After the waitress thanked London and took their order, Benoit told him that the "seeds were planted" and that he could now go fuck her. "

    After talking about how they were like the recurring characters of a TV show and learning that the actor who played "Boner" was just found dead, the interviewer then asks them about Chris Benoit. Kendrick said that he always got the vibe from him that he was crazy as London said they referred to him as being "tripolar," but they both liked him while they were in the company. Kendrick said that Benoit was very complementary of his work and London adds that when guys would ask Benoit on how to perform a move or hold, he would tell them to go ask Kendrick. They then talk about how Benoit and Bob Holly didnt think they were taking their jobs seriously because they were not always in the gym. Kendrick even recalls being in the shower after a show one night in Nashville when Benoit opened the curtain to ask him if he worked out that day. London said that Benoit and Holly took them under their wing early on, helping them out. After a month, Kendrick left, stating that they were lunatics and the whole thing was crazy. London said that by 9am, they would have worked out for two hours, eaten a huge breakfast, then do a ton of pushups with Holly and Benoit."

    "Now, they tell a story about Benoit at a Bob Evans. London and Kendrick were sitting on one side of the table and at the other side were Jamie Noble (who London refers to as "Mini Benoit"), Bob Holly, and Chris Benoit. Benoit orders an insane breakfast, demanding his steak be steamed, with Bob Holly asking for twice as much food. London said he ordered egg whites and and a small steak to not piss them off but Benoit made him get the big steak. When Kendrick ordered, he asked for pancakes and waffles with all sorts of syrup and as the waitress was taking the order, Benoit reached his hand across the table and pushed down the waitresses pad and made Kendrick order what he had and watched him as he ate everything on his plate. London said he valued these experiences though and unerstood some of what they were trying to teach them."

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  31. Thanks, BB. Good grief Benoit was a loon. "Planting the seeds"? Yikes.

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  32. Yeah, he was a whacko

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  33. Was thinking the exact same thing. He even looks like him physically for fuck's sake.

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  34. Except for TNA tickets or PPV's.

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  35. This Lana storyline has really shown the problem with guaranteed distraction finishes, including PPVs. It doesn't matter how good whatever match may be, when she's going to be the finish, none of it matters.

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  36. I'd love to watch a Jerry Flynn shoot.


    I may be the only person to utter those words in all of humanity.

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  37. I feel like the amount of wrestling we get on Raw is the television programming equivalent of the "Too Much Tuna" prank from Kroll Show.

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  38. There was a JJ Dillon shoot from 15 years ago that Scott recapped where he talks about entrances becoming the focal point and leaving the matches heatless.

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  39. The Shane McMahon Effect

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  40. Sometimes that midcard guys give the best shoots because they have nothing to lose.

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  41. Everything has the same hit the finisher kick out now you hit your fisnisher and I'll kick out now I'll hit your finisher and you'll kick out and then I'll finally hit my finisher for realies this time and you don't kick out finish.

    Let guys win with secondary moves. Or don't let guys get ALL their shit in. Like you could make a checklist for Orton and you know he's not ending the match until he gets in his power slam and weird rope ddt and one missed RKO:

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  42. Barrett catches a guy in the back for Wasteland, runs down to the ring with the guy on his shoulders, slides in the ring and hits Wasteland looking at the hard camera

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  43. I'm amazed they haven't done this more. They gave Bryan the running knee, he killed Cena with it and BOOM. Now you have a new finisher outside of the yes lock. (And yeah, I know they gave him that because realistically, you can't use a submission hold as your only finisher, but still)

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  44. On the positive side, it has been *forever* since we saw another installment of Dolph/Kofi's best of a million series

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  45. I'd review it

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  46. Heh, that's a better explanation than I'll ever see by the NXT writers!

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  47. Damn, you're right. I was still waking up this morning when I wrote that.


    As a published writer, though, I'm doubly ashamed!

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  48. I feel like Lynn is a guy who really overestimates his importance in the business. When they made him roh champ his "claim to fame" was having "wrested Ric Flair 5 times." Seriously who gives a fuck?

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  49. I hope the Observer changes nothing, everything is fine.

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  50. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 4:36 PM

    OP is from TNAMecca, obv

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  51. Read sheetsandwich.com. That site is kinda funny. Its a site about the "dirtsheets."

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  52. About the radio shows, there are some segments I dislike but its easy to skip over the granny stuff. The song parodies are awful 90% of the time too.

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  53. I also think that with lesser companies out there and the WWE leaning to a more corporate environment its going to get a lot tougher to connect with sources. Some corporate guy who doesn't care all that much on wrestling isn't going to risk dishing dirt if he wants to keep his job.

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  54. It happened a few times in 2010-2011 as I recall.. Miz, Rey, and Cena at least. Although Rey and Cena won a weird limbo version of the WWE title since Punk never lost it and then returned still as champ. The Rockymania era kind of made the title changes more predictable, although I like that title reigns have mostly been of decent length (for everyone not named Daniel Bryan) the last few years. I mean only Punk has had a LONG long reign, but damn did they used to love hot-shot title changes. They've curbed it a lot.

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  55. He was literally the nicest person I have ever met when I talked to him in 2004; humble and gracious to an incredible degree. Funny how time changes things.

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  56. Boners. Aaaaah, nice.

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  57. Gonna put up a shoot interview poll. What kind of shoots do you want from the following categories:
    Crazy Stories
    YouShoots
    Breaking Kayfabe
    The 2nd Volume of any other shoot I have recapped

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  58. Thaddeus MountainMay 28, 2015 at 5:17 PM

    The Parks and Rec rewatch marathon continues.

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  59. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:17 PM

    Youshoots

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  60. Thaddeus MountainMay 28, 2015 at 5:17 PM

    Crazy Stories

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  61. One of my reporters once told me "It's Always Sunny in Pawnee in your office."

    Haha, fuckin right son.

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  62. Thaddeus MountainMay 28, 2015 at 5:18 PM

    That reporter knows what's what. Don't give him a raise, though.

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  63. Oh he left, he's miserable at his new job it's delightful.

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  64. The graduation section is a lot less enjoyable at 4:20 p.m. compared to what it was at 9:00 a.m.

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  65. Which company did Spike screw harder: TNA or ECW?

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  66. Watching IYH Mind Games, cause its next on the list

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  67. ECW by a landslide.

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  68. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:22 PM

    For whatever reason I thought you meant Spike Dudley and I'm like "what?"

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  69. Hmm.

    That's a tough one. I'm going with TNA just because that was a decade long investment.

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  70. Quick Question: Did Chris Fothergill-Brown announce he was quitting the site? Haven't seen a review from him in weeks.

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  71. Extant1979 - Extreme SuperstarMay 28, 2015 at 5:22 PM

    Crazy stories are always the most fun!

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  72. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:23 PM

    I've wondered the same. I liked his reviews, and then he just disappeared.

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  73. Extant1979 - Extreme SuperstarMay 28, 2015 at 5:23 PM

    Serves him right. I was always a little happy when I found out that people who left my employ were miserable in their new jobs.

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  74. Extant1979 - Extreme SuperstarMay 28, 2015 at 5:24 PM

    A guy left the blog without a meltdown? Is that allowed?

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  75. I only liked that a little when the person leaving thought they were so much better than everyone staying. Its like why be an asshole just because you are working somewhere else.

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  76. Particularly when you tell them, "Dude I've worked where you're going, you aren't going to enjoy it, I promise."

    And then three weeks later you get a text saying, "You were right, anything open?"

    No. Not until you suffer for at least a year, then I'd hire him back in a second I loved that kid.

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  77. It's a rarity. Has it happened in the past few years with someone who wrote here?

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  78. What was the last show he reviewed here? I can check his site to see if he did any more.

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  79. Extant1979 - Extreme SuperstarMay 28, 2015 at 5:25 PM

    TNA did it to themselves. Spike royally rogered ECW.

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  80. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:25 PM

    I like when an employer fires me for bullshit reasons and legitimately thinks it's going to ruin me, and then I go out and find a much better job. Makes me wanna go back there and just slap them in the face. With my dick.

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  81. Extant1979 - Extreme SuperstarMay 28, 2015 at 5:26 PM

    After my experiences the last three months, I agree wholeheartedly!

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  82. YouShoot 2s


    HTM was okay, Cornette was Cornette, and has anyone else even done a Round Two?

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  83. Which reminds me, I do need to send them some money soon. It's been a while.

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  84. ECW, by far. They were actively trying but Spike screwed them hard by not advertising them at all, giving them a death time slot, and only having them long enough to test out a wrestling market on their network in preparation for WWE.

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  85. Did a quick search on Blogger and the last review I saw was the 2/22/97 edition of Shotgun Saturday Night that was posted on 4/25.

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  86. Just realized Jake Johnson is in Jurassic World. I'm in.

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  87. Going through a FIFA video game forum, so many dudebros consider this year's ruined because there's GIRLS in this game and how dare EA try to go after the money in the year of a Women's World Cup when they should've added more third-tier African leagues.

    Yeah, not a stretch to see how GamerGate came about. NO GIRLZ ALLOWED

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  88. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:28 PM

    I miss his unabashed love of The Faces of Fear.

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  89. That show isn't posted to his site yet.

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  90. At one point there were rumors that Mojo was seen by many as Cena's heir apparent as the top guy in WWE. I'm glad that either turned out to be bullshit, or his shitty NXT run changed their minds.

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  91. June 2, when 1996 ECW comes out. I'll get the whole series at once.

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  92. The director of Safety Not Guaranteed directed a Parks & Rec'r and Jake Johnson...where the hell was Mark Duplass doing to not join in?

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  93. A manual search revealed his last review was 97 ECW Cyberslam. It was posted here on 4/30. I hope he is okay.

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  94. Thaddeus MountainMay 28, 2015 at 5:30 PM

    I was directly responsible for three people quitting the restaurant I used to work in due to my riding them mercilessly because they couldn't grasp the proper way to put in an order. I felt wonderful when I found out.

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  95. His last ECW show on his site is the 2/15 show.

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  96. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:31 PM

    Parks and Rec-related:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/28/sabrina-a-davis-bbq_n_7455354.html

    I bet it was April and Ann, with April stabbing, natch

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  97. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:31 PM

    There's a baseball stadiums category on Jeopardy right now.

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  98. God. Damnit.

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  99. Alright, two votes for YouShoots and two votes for shoots filled with crazy stories. The first three replies to this (from those who haven't voted already) will decide which category.

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  100. I love that BD Wong came back too. So it completes the "a person from the first movie reappears in the sequel" trend.

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  101. Who'll come up with the most retarded wrong question tonight?

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  102. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:32 PM

    Big natural tits

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  103. Crazy stories.

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  104. Cyberslam was on 2/22

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  105. I already voted, or I'd be willing to support this. Both with my hands and my vote.

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  106. I always crush those; those geniuses never do.

    I remember they even had a baseball stadium Final Jeopardy, where the answer was Turner Field. I think just the champ got it right

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  107. "Worse than Oakland."
    Bzzzzzzt
    "What is no stadium in the world Alex"

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  108. Damnit Titus, I was looking for a real response

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  109. Mr DNA return or GTFO

    DYNASAWRS

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  110. Jobs I would do for free:


    Molly Holly's "Living Bra"

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  111. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:33 PM

    Dude just aced the category.

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  112. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:33 PM

    Motherfucker, that *was* a real response

    PTP

    Pretty Titty Players

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  113. There was an ungodly amount of BD Wong Jurassic Park fanfiction on the internet in the 90s.

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  114. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:34 PM

    Living panties for me. Dat ass.

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  115. "The saddest knock off of Baltimore you've ever seen."
    BZZZZT
    "What is Petco Park Alex"

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  116. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:34 PM

    I call Bayley;s everything just so I can then see how much Biscuit really wants it

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  117. If you're a Jeopardy contestant who knows sports or pop culture, you have a huge advantage since those are free points.

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  118. Way to bring the laughs, Rocky Johnson

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  119. That's a sweet park though.

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  120. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:34 PM

    No, pretty well softball questions.

    HIYO!

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  121. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:35 PM

    My own big natural boobs bounced when I saved my son Rocky Maivia at WM 13

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  122. "Houston, we have a problem."

    What is Enron Field?

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  123. It's....something. It's not terrible but it's not very good either.

    I love that after all that work to keep the old building they didn't order custom windows for the top level so they had to cut into the goddamn sign anyway. LOVE that.

    The surroundings are fantastic though, living in an apartment where a goddamn ballpark is your back yard must be AMAZING

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  124. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:36 PM

    Or, Rosie Perez.

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  125. Crazy YouShoots.

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  126. In other news, Marvel is really playing the long game with regards to getting people to lose interest in X-Man and FF movies. Erasing their existence from merch is a odd tactic.

    http://io9.com/whats-behind-marvels-campaign-to-remove-the-x-men-from-1707514860

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  127. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:36 PM

    You know what's nice about Bayley's butt?

    It's not just big, but she has the thinner waist which then expands into said butt. Nice contrast

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  128. Now you're talking!

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  129. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:37 PM

    You know what's bad about Bayley's butt? It's not on my lap.

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  130. It's probably the west coast in me but any weird combo of Mexican/Asian/Samoan....yeah....that's the stuff right there

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  131. Peter Jackson's King Kong is kinda underrated.

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  132. There is never an ungodly amount of BD Wong fan fiction. In fact, there isn't enough.

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  133. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:37 PM

    She's basically a living Ann Perkins?!

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  134. Oh darn, the fake account maker just did one of me and followed me. Whelp.

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  135. Rashida Jones is a living Ann Perkins, also a fucking goddess

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  136. Name four that BB's not done yet.

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  137. You've made it.


    You're not, "Having an entire thread dedicated to just YOU" on NPP made it, but you're get there.

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  138. My parents are acting like the world is about collapse because my brother, who's in New York right now, smokes cigarettes. I'm lucky I'm the spineless goody two-shoes of the family.

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  139. I like more than the LOTR movies

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  140. So.. Like... Video game communities are weird, right? Like, I'm an outsider to that world but from out here it seems pretty weird.

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  141. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:40 PM

    Just don't quit your tutoring job and join a violence gang.

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  142. Injecting them with a lethal dose of POOOOOISOOOONNN

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  143. Jamie Dundee
    Danny Doring
    Sandman
    Iron Sheik
    New Jack
    Honky Tonk Man, Volume 1

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  144. I agree, the finishes are a huge part of why that's the case.


    I was listening to a podcast a while back and they were talking about a big wrestling event some years back, where the crowd wasn't really getting into the matches early, because they knew that they would be getitng 20 minutes of action. Then the second night (I guess it was a multi-night event), one of the featured matches ended after two minutes off of a secondary move. It wasn't a great match on its own, but it taught the crowd that the matches could end at any time, and they were much more engaged after that.


    I didn't do a very good job relating the story, but the point holds--we've had so many matches that were totally predictable in terms of ending, and we know when a match just isn't going to end. PPVs are better just because there's always more unpredictability.

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  145. Has anyone ever tried to get their money from Heyman? Guy wants to take shots at fans but he was working for free. Who is the bigger mark?

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  146. Why hasn't MLB ever played baseball in Hawaii?

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  147. I have two different Matt Perri accounts following me.

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  148. We can only hope

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  149. When parents see their kids smoke, all they see is this

    https://burningmoonlight.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/2424624202_a3e8a81264.jpg

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  150. I initially read that as "torturing job." I was like, "yeah, if you have a steady gig, it's risky to go grass roots."

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  151. He's not dead

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  152. Sounds like a solid lineup. I'd vote Doring or HTM 1... that's right, you did one of Doring's other shoots before.

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  153. Are you sure they're not really concerned aboug the Grexit?

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  154. Honestly, it's totally something Vince would do.

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  155. So my sister found out a dirty secret of mine, something I did years ago that I'm not at all proud of, thanks to a random story my friend was telling at my MarBQ the other night. Now she's legitimately pissed at me and has threatened to "put me on blast".


    I eagerly await this.

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  156. They can be quite weird, depending on the game/genre. In fairness, pop culture in general seems to bring out the weirdos.

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  157. I have Al Loboma and Crazy Al Loboma from TNA following me, as well as my own fake account.

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  158. Both the term "violence gang", and Swinney's entire post made me laugh. Well done, guys.

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  159. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:43 PM

    I have someone following me, can't remember who now.

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  160. What happened? You shit your pants at the Olive Garden or something?

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  161. I can't deny that on an objective scale Alexa Bliss is probably the hottest woman in NXT, but damn, Bayley is so cute and then you her body is more insane the more you see her.

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  162. If that's the case then he put his pants on blast.

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  163. Havent done a Doring shoot yet. He was part of the "On the Road with Raven" shoot.

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  164. *slow clap*

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  165. That's a start.

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  166. Too far dude!

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  167. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:44 PM

    And she's a hugger. She can "hug" me for as long as she wants.

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  168. That seems way to specific to be a one-off joke.

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  169. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:44 PM

    He peed on his friend's stingray bite

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  170. Also, I think the fakes outnumber the reals on my Following list. I feel honored.

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  171. You guys here about Destination America picking up Ring of Honor?
    I wonder what this means for TNA!

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  172. Shelton BenjaminMay 28, 2015 at 5:44 PM

    Maybe she's proud of you and wants to buy you a Baja Blast

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  173. *slower clap than what Marv is doing *

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  174. Dude even her mom could still get it:

    http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Peggy+Lipton+Premiere+Touchstone+Pictures+y4YISiZUqPUl.jpg

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  175. DONT DO THE GIANT SWING GODDAMMIT!! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU POPPING THE CROWD, PAL, YOURE A HEEL FOR CHRISTS SAKE!

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  176. The one time I went to an Olive Garden, some lady shit herself. She was wearing white pants and it was hard not to notice after someone felt the need to point it out to me.

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  177. Of course, I say that completely seeing the irony that I spend a great deal of time in this weird place talking wrestling. What do I know?

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  178. The humidity and heat really screw with the pitching.

    And it's great because it's baseball so you'll never know if I'm being serious lol

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  179. But what does it mean for bob cat

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  180. Jonathan MeisnerMay 28, 2015 at 5:47 PM

    IT MEANS EVERYTHING IS FINE! ALL IS WELL!

    Also, it's a win for wrestling according to Mega Blocks Daniel Bryan.

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  181. How does this affect LeBron and what does Tim Tebow have to say?

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  182. Did the Warriors win?

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  183. ....damnit.

    That's... That's pretty gross.

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  184. Are the servers still up for WWE 2k14 on Xbox 360? I don't have an Xbox Live account and don't want to make one just to find out that I can't download any wrestlers or arenas because they took the servers down.

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  185. Thaddeus MountainMay 28, 2015 at 5:48 PM

    I have FunkDoc and a bunch of trolls.

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  186. Let's just say it's something involving a camera phone and a naked woman... not something I'm really proud of, but it was more of a prank towards my friend at the expense of another person, which I felt awful about.

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  187. I was watching the first Toronto Blue Jay game on youtube today. It was played in the snow.

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