The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 06.24.96
Live from Green Bay, WI
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler
Ahmed Johnson v. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Ahmed overpowers HHH while an enterprising group of fans opposite the hard camera get a giant “Eric Sucks Dick” sign featured every chance they get. Ahmed cranks on a side headlock while Vince runs down tonight’s electric card and confuses Savio Vega with Bob Holly. Hunter finally pulls down the top rope and Ahmed takes a gentle bump to the floor to give Hunter the advantage. Ahmed gets run into the post as the crowd is already bored and quiet. Back, Hunter with a double axehandle for two. Flying clothesline gets two and we hit the chinlock. We take a break and return with Ahmed making the comeback and whipping Hunter into the corner for two. Harvey Wippleman is a terrible referee, by the way, slow-counting both guys and frequently being out of position. Ahmed with the spinebuster and he takes too long setting up the powerbomb and gets backdropped. Hunter throws forearms in the corner and slaps him around, but Ahmed hits the Pearl River Plunge to finish at 12:25. Typically boring Ahmed match. He was fine in short squashes, but the longer matches had hot starts and hot finishes but boring stretches of nothing in the middle. **
The Bodydonnas v. The Brooklyn Brawler & Jerry Fox
The disaster that was the Bodydonna babyface run continues, as fans still boo them despite Vince working hard to convince us that we were supposed to like them for having a cross-dressing freak manager instead of the hot blonde who everyone loved. This is a lengthy squash with a dead crowd. Of note: Sunny, on commentary, promises to bring in a singles wrestler to challenge Shawn Michaels soon. And that of course would be Faarooq. Zip finishes geek #2 with the top rope rana at 4:00. Even more exciting, the PPV will feature a NON-TITLE match between the Gunns and Bodydonnas. Take all my money!
Owen Hart, British Bulldog & Vader v. Aldo Montoya, Savio Vega & Barry Horowitz
And they seriously couldn’t figure out why Nitro was destroying them in the ratings? Bulldog pounds on Savio to start and Vader beats on him in the corner, but Savio comes back with a spinkick and brings Aldo in. Owen quickly drops him with the leg lariat and Bulldog adds the delayed suplex. Corner splash by Vader into the Bulldog powerslam and then the Sharpshooter from Owen finishes at 4:18.
Steve Austin v. The Undertaker
Brian Pillman cuts a promo on Vince before the match, demanding to know where his money is. Not sure where that ever went. I assume this was the first ever Austin v. UT match in their series of eight million? They slug it out and fight on the floor to start, and Austin gets sent into the post. Back in, Taker chokes him down and they fight to the floor again, albeit very slowly. We take a break and return with Austin now in control very slowly, working on the leg. This goes on for a while with Austin laying around on the mat in a hold while Goldust joins us on commentary. And we take another break. Back with Taker missing a clothesline, but he comes back with a chokeslam. Goldust breaks up the tombstone with the old glitter to the eyes finish at 15:15. This was a whole lot of nothing. *
Thankfully this show gets much better in August, because they have been on a BRUTAL run of bad shows for about the past two months now. They needed an influx of new talent in the worst way…and maybe a new head writer, too?