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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–07.01.96

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 07.01.96

Taped from Green Bay, WI

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Shawn Michaels v. Marty Jannetty

Shawn doing the “Kliq Cam” gimmick and hauling super-old Jose Lothario around with him just makes this such a cheesy deal to sit through these days. The Rockers have Jim Cornette with them for this, although that ended up being just a one-shot deal. They do the usual stalemate sequence to start with a nice fight over a backslide, and Marty slugs him down. Shawn comes back with armdrags and Marty runs away for advice from Jim Cornette. That advice? “Never hire ultra-violent black guys as a tag team in your southern-based promotion.” That’s some oddly specific fake advice. Shawn gets tossed and lands on the railing, allowing Marty to take over in the ring. Sadly, the camera cuts away from his goofy dance celebration. Marty suplexes him onto the top rope for two and we hit the chinlock and take a break. Back with Marty still holding that chinlock, but he misses a blind charge. Shawn tries to monkey-flip him, but Marty lands on his feet and puts Shawn down. He takes over again and goes up, but Shawn gets his foot up and makes the comeback. Shawn with a powerbomb, reversed by Marty, reversed by Shawn into a sunset flip for two. Crossbody is reversed by Marty for two. We take a second break and return with Marty hitting the Rocker Dropper, but the flying fistdrop misses. Shawn escapes a suplex and follows with a piledriver, and the flying elbow. Superkick finishes at 18:14. Dull start but the last 10 minutes were spectacular. ***1/2 It should be noted that although Vince is still hyping Ultimate Warrior as Shawn’s partner, two days earlier the relationship completely went into the toilet and Warrior left the promotion for good.

Meanwhile, on Superstars, Sunny tells off Phineas Godwinn once and for all and the Gunns attack him, but Hillbilly Jim makes the save and Phineas slops Sunny to get his revenge. Now you’d think this would be leading to yet another Gunns v. Godwinns title match at the PPV, but no, it was Gunns v. Bodydonnas in a non-title match instead. Vince uses his “HE’S…HE’S GONNA PUKE!” voice to express his excitement over this development.

Mankind v. Duke Droese

We randomly take a break 20 seconds into the match with Mankind choking away in the corner. Even production has been getting sloppy on these shows. It’s an odd juxtaposition, because although ratings were in free-fall, Shawn was drawing on the road as champion at this point and crowds were described as “super-hot” up and down the card. Mankind pounds away in the corner, but walks into a spinebuster and Duke comes back with a sleeper as they overdub cheering fans onto the half-asleep crowd. Duke tries a bearhug for some reason, and Mankind applies the Mandible Claw to escape and finish at 6:13. Pretty much a squash. * Jerry Lawler and Jake Roberts spend the whole match sniping at each other on commentary, setting up one of the worst feuds and matches of the year.

Meanwhile, call the Superstar line to find out why Ultimate Warrior is in the doghouse! Answer: His father died. The WWF response: Have the ring announcer tell crowds that “Ultimate Warrior refuses to wrestle in an arena like this one” to explain his no-shows. Classy out the assy.

Goldust v. Marc Mero

Speaking of comings and goings, Barry Windham returns at this point. Here’s Meltzer’s snark on it:

“Barry Windham had a meeting with Vince McMahon this past week. He was said to have been around 275 pounds, maybe 20 pounds overweight, and was interested in making a comeback at the age of 36. It looks pretty good that he'll be coming in. Maybe they can team him with Dustin Rhodes as Silverdust.”

From this actually launched a substantial rumor that Windham was going to be Silverdust. Not that the New Blackjacks was much better, but there was a pretty low ceiling for Barry at that point anyway. Mero gets a crossbody for two and Goldust bails while Steve Austin continues to show personality on commentary. Back in the ring, but Goldust bails again off a dropkick as we take a break. Back with Goldust taking over after a clothesline while the announcers discuss the weird period where Marlena was supposed to be hitting on Sable. Gee, I wonder who come up with THAT one? Mero escapes a chinlock, but Goldust dumps him and continues his stalling. And then it’s back to the chinlock. Steve Austin goes on an awesome rant on commentary about how he beat everyone in the WWF by proxy when he won the tournament, except for Davey Boy Smith and Shawn Michaels, but everyone knows he can beat them anyway. Mero escapes and gets a rollup for two, but Goldust comes back with a fistdrop as we take another break. Back with, you guessed it, another chinlock. Mero comes back with a powerslam for two while Marlena heads over to put the moves on Sable. Thankfully Terri’s acting would improve to at least passable levels by 1999. Mero goes up with a double axehandle for two and he follows with a kneelift, but Mero gets distracted by the quality acting on the floor. Goldust finishes with the Curtain Call at 16:20.

Next week: Ultimate Warrior has his swan song in the WWF against Owen Hart.

The Pulse

Shawn v. Marty is worth checking out, but the rest is the usual dead crowd and boring storylines from around this time.

Comments

  1. Review Mad Max instead :-)

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  2. it's all worth it when you find Austin's line ripping on the Lex Express

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  3. I think it's unfair to call Lawler/Roberts one of the worst feuds of the year, just because Lawler's insults were pretty funny and while the matches sucked, the feud was never boring, unlike say Gunns/Godwinns feud or Goldust/Undertaker feud.

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  4. "From this actually launched a substantial rumor that Windham was going to be Silverdust. Not that the New Blackjacks was much better, but there was a pretty low ceiling for Barry at that point anyway."
    New Blackjacks > The Stalker

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  5. Whenever RAW goes to Green Bay, there's always a segment hyping up the Packers. Note that no other NFL team necessarily gets this treatment.

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  6. Not saying it would have worked, but I was always confused that the New Blackjacks were not only faces, which was weird, but WWF never even attempted to push them as anything serious right out of the gate.

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  7. F the Packers. My least favorite team of any sport at any level.

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  8. Barry Windham was awesome.

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  9. Vince is a Packers fan? Odd.

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  10. Maybe that, but maybe Vince is scared that Green Bay is too small to mention without them.

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  11. To be fair, can you name 3 worse ones from that year? Particularly from the WWE standpoint?

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  12. Warrior no-showed dates before his father's death (the dates were around June 26-28th, his father passed on the 30th), so Warrior is just a scummy for using that lie as an excuse.

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  13. I think using Roberts' personal demons as a storyline and constantly, and I mean constantly (as in all show long, in matches he's not even in) ripping him with alcoholic jokes was just tasteless, and it went on for 4 months. Gunns/Godwinns was just boring, and Goldust/Taker... well, that sucked too, but it wasn't as tasteless.

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  14. Never thought of it, but if they would have been given more of an edge and put with Cornette, the New Rockers might have been a memorable tag team.

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  15. Adam "Colorado" CurryMay 15, 2015 at 12:09 AM

    Is the Sunny segment the one I've always heard about where pretty much everyone backstage shit in the slop bucket because they hated her so much?

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  16. Did his father pass suddenly, or did Warrior have a chance to visit him on his deathbed?

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  17. If you think so, then check out the Midnight Rockers Continental heel run.

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  18. ARRRRGH THE BARBARIANMay 15, 2015 at 12:36 AM

    I don't think the "new" anything has a chance, especially when it's years removed from the original.

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  19. cabspaintedyellowMay 15, 2015 at 2:02 AM

    No lie, tonight I met a guy who grew up with Marty Jannetty as a family friend. When he found out someone else at the bar knew who Marty Jannetty was, he started telling me all these stories about how he would get drunk with him. He had no photographic evidence, but his enthusiasm for Marty Jannetty spoke volumes. This man would not suffer to hear Marty Jannetty slandered.


    I wish I were making this up.

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  20. Because choosing Marty Janet ty means you'll ask "why choose Marty jannetty" and beleive him?

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  21. I vaguely remember The Stalker. 14-year-old me had no idea what to make of him, and I had zero knowledge of Barry WIndham.

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  22. MaffewOfBotchamaniaMay 15, 2015 at 3:58 AM

    Shitting on a guy for his father dying is a new one for this board.

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  23. Have someone win the title off the champion. Same as HBK.

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  24. MaffewOfBotchamaniaMay 15, 2015 at 4:00 AM

    ''Maybe they can team him with Dustin Rhodes as Silverdust.”

    I wonder if Russo tried to bring Windham into WCW for a run as Silverdust out of this.

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  25. Warrior explains why he left. Start at 1:21:00
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrzyDrRv-vk

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  26. He's said to be a Giants fan on tv

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  27. I knew a guy online who swore he was Raven's nephew. Even told a few stories about being at a part with some ECW guys, and not believing that Perry Saturn's last name was really "Satullo" when he told him.

    It's one of those things- he wasn't really mentioning it to be bragging, and why choose RAVEN if he WAS, but there's always that bit where you're like "he's probably full of shit".

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  28. I grew up knowing a lot of kids who were habitual liars who would just make stuff up so others would pay attention to them. I naturally disbelieve anyone's stories about meeting celebrities because of it- even the most minor celebrity and you could get SOME attention out of "oh hey I know that guy!".

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  29. The New Blackjacks were weird, because it was a reference to something so ancient that even Hogan-Era fans wouldn't know them, and they were a bottom-tier team that never even won the Tag Titles (in a REALLY, REALLY weak era for them), despite having Bradshaw, a guy they'd clearly always been protecting, on the squad.

    I swear the New Blackjacks and The Acolytes were just meant as temporary stop-gaps to have Bradshaw doing something while he was a bit green before they could start up a real push for him. The Acolytes turning into the APA was a stroke of luck that allowed him to stay at the same level for YEARS before they pulled the trigger.

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  30. He was, when was motivated; unfortunately, at this point in his career, that was usually the 7th of never.

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  31. Would have figured him for New England like Steph and Trips.

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  32. Not enough poles in that idea.

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  33. Packers rule, if only because they are the sole publicly owned team in major sports.

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  34. Or the New Midnight Express in WWF 1997.

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  35. You're right. In fact, he probably killed his own father just to make it more believable, the sick bastard.

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  36. Damn, Barry was only 36 at that point?

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  37. the Vince side of the story was that Warrior wasn't close to his father so it should have been a big deal.

    Not really sure how much I buy that, but whatever.

    Warrior came and went 3 times in the WWF and each time turned into a controversial mess. Just goes to show what happens when 2 ridiculous parties don't get along.

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  38. Thank God this troll was here to clear that up.

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  39. Yeah... but the stock the public has is worth nothing. Maybe the initial offering was worth more. http://deadspin.com/5866292/the-feel-good-scam-of-owning-the-packers

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  40. Man Terri dropped off quickly. She was actually still kind of cute in 96.

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  41. I'm not shitting on him, I'm saying his excuse was a lie. He admits he hadn't seen his father since he was 3, no shows a bunch of dates immediately after a TV taping, and then uses his father's death as an excuse when his father wasn't even dead.

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  42. That ride on the Pillman XXXPress in 97 did her in.

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  43. New Jack did her no favors.

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  44. I believe that Terri and Dustin are the only married couple to ever hold the same championship in WWE.

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  45. The fact that she did a bladejob at some indy show also didn't help. Seeing photos of a woman with a crimson mask makes blading seem even worse than it already is.

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  46. Ivan Putski on a pole match work for you?

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  47. I knew a guy in college who couldn't stop lying. If anyone brought up a notable historical event in his lifetime, he claimed to have been there when it happened. The amazing thing is he was able to speak about everything in such detail that you'd want to believe him.

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  48. He's lucky his father died a day later to make it seem plausible.

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  49. Yeah, because people are never sick 2-3 days before they die, giving members of the family time to rush to see them one last time.

    Oh wait, that's called being on your deathbed and it happens all the time.

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  50. Windham and Terry Gordy in 1996 WWF was so brief, I still get surprised today when they pop up on an old RAW

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  51. If anyone bought shares of the Packers thinking of it as investment, they're foolish.

    It's just another way to support your team.

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  52. I think GD/UT was worse, and somehow they met on 3 IYHs that year

    Gunns/Godwins was bad, but I think I would say the entire tag team division was boring until Owen/Bulldog got the titles.

    Warrior/Lawler was worse too

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  53. Best part of The Stalker is when Austin kills the whole thing dead by saying, "It's just Barry Windham in stupid camo!"

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  54. the reason for the weird crowd responses I think is Shawn was so fucking lame as a babyface character, but in the ring he was unrivaled and actually had some great opponents in '96 so I can see how ratings would tank, but live shows and crowds would be hot.

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  55. Yeah, that's the ticket. Only hardcore Michaels marks can't admit that he was lame as lame could be in 1996 personality-wise. "Plucky babyface" wasn't the right character for him.

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  56. You could tell he hated it too ... he was just dying to be an asshole like he became in 1997 (onscreen)

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  57. Not to work ahead, but I watched the Warrior-Owen match this morning, and it's funny how they have Gorilla suspend Warrior right before they show the obviously pre-taped match. Then Shawn and Ahmed announce their new partner Sid from an undisclosed location. Gorilla said Warrior could compete again if he posted a performance bond, but I'm sure he was long-gone from the company by that point.That selfish Warrior and his dead dad.

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  58. The Ghost of Faffner HallMay 15, 2015 at 12:41 PM

    Yeah, 1986 Barry Windham was fantastic in the ring and had some great matches. 1996 Barry Windham was... well, the Stalker.

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  59. Radicals-era Terri was not bad.

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  60. Even in 1991-1992, Barry could have great matches; by '96, not so much.

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  61. There's a lot of people like that, oddly. One friend used to always talk about the hot chicks he dated (if you'd seen him, you'd get why we didn't believe him), and even when COMPLETELY called out (he claimed to have been at a school party, and another friend who was THERE pointed out that was impossible), he'd just blow off the comments, or get mad at you for not believing him ("I guess you just don't trust me..." all passive-aggressively).
    One friend of my group lied so often that at one point his girlfriend scolded him in FRONT of everybody "Now Chris- we've talked about your lying".

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  62. The pre-taped nature of things and timing of the taping cycles really screwed them in a big way here, because had this been a live RAW they could have at least had Warrior put Vader over clean before turfing him.

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  63. I'm a hardcore Michaels mark. I loved it at the time as a kid, but it is cringe-worthy when I watch it now

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  64. Think about him being only 38 when he was fat and looked 50 wrestling Jarrett on raw during the NWA angle in '98

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  65. Maybe he just hated Mongo.

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  66. I'm 38. And remember we thought Hogan was a "Grandpa" when wrestling at 48 again The Rock. And I'll get heat for this, but that Taker match was decent at Judgement Day 2002.

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  67. Big Barry Windham. And boy does he have the beer gut of the size of Texas. It's called a gym Barty.

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  68. I'm surprised he went to WCW in 1998 after changing his name to Warrior Warrior Warrior.

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  69. Only if Jesse Ventura calls him Poodooski and challenges him to a arm wrestling contest.

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  70. Gordy was a waste. They had a guy in a mask wrestling Taker. Could have put fake Diesel in a mask and have Taker destroy him and nobody would have cared. Gordy was brain damaged at this point snyways.

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  71. Hogan vs. Bryan -- who would shatter apart first.

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  72. I was hoping Jerry Lawler would destroy Shawn - win the title and proclamation that he was the evil King of Memphis.

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  73. waiting for fg76 to have one funny joke

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  74. You're going to be waiting a while.

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  75. ^ This guy gets it.

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  76. that warrior match against owen is just bizarre as they have gorilla announce him as suspended and then he comes out and wrestles

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