Thunder
Date: December 9, 1999
Location: Dane County
Coliseum, Madison, Wisconsin
Attendance: 3,953
Commentators: Mike
Tenay, Juventud Guerrera
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
I
can't believe I'm saying this but there's a slight chance this could
be an interesting episode. On Nitro, Russo promised A-List stars on
this show. Now given how things work around here, you could have
Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan and the Rock in every segment and somehow
WCW would manage to screw it up, but at least the stars would be more
interesting. Let's get to it.
Here
are the Outsiders with a ladder to get things going. Hall sets it up
and pretends to fall off, which would be funnier if Hall wasn't a
constant threat to have a major accident every five minutes. He
knows Benoit is just in this match for the raise and knows he can't
handle a regular match, so he's asked for it to be a ladder match.
Benoit should go rent a tape of the ladder match with Shawn to see
what he's getting into.
Nash wants to talk
about all the people around here with chips on their shoulders,
including Sid. If Sid wants to walk around like a big man, Nash has
a powerbomb waiting on him. This brings out Sid to say that he's the
man. Nash: “Is Vader booked?” Sid charges the ring and goes
after Nash, knocking the ladder over in the process. He loads up
Nash for the powerbomb but Hall nails him in the back with the
ladder. Dustin Rhodes runs out for the save, drawing out Jeff
Jarrett and Benoit with the bad guys getting the better of it and
setting up a likely six man main event.
Tenay
talks about Rhonda Singh getting a Cruiserweight Title shot tonight
but Madusa comes out to say Singh isn't a cruiserweight. Singh is
getting a title shot over Madusa's dead body. “Does this body look
dead to you?” Well it's certainly in need of support.
Juventud Guerrera and
Psychosis come out with Juvi's Rock impression getting SILENCE.
Apparently Juvy is joining Tenay in the booth for the night. Oh good
grief this is going to be a long night.
Nitro recap.
Dean Malenko vs.
Booker T.
Well
that's better tha most matches we get on this show so maybe things
are looking up. Maybe I should stop having false hope. Before the
match, Shane Douglas challenges Jim Duggan to find three friends for
an eight man tag at Starrcade. If the Revolution loses, they'll be
WCW's janitors for a month, but if Duggan loses, he renounces his
American citizenship. Well sure, why not. Malenko calls Dave Penzer
a typical American and Saturn quotes Stripes.
Booker (with Stevie)
nails Dean with a forearm and the ax kick to start but Dean pokes him
in the eye and sends him outside. Saturn and Stevie get into it on
the floor as Booker goes back inside for a spinebuster. Booker loads
up another ax kick but Shane nails him in the head with the cast,
setting up the Cloverleaf on the unconscious Booker for the quick
win.
Duggan
comes out to make the save, exciting Juvy WAY too much. Yeah the
Revolution is getting more screen time, but it's leading to a Jim
Duggan match. That's the disconnect with Russo: he knows how to make
the buildup work, but the end result is usually a disaster.
Sid,
Benoit and Rhodes jump Creative Control and Shane outside Russo's
office. After a break, the six man is made.
The Artist Formerly
Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Vampiro
Iaukea
comes out to a bunch of candles as we enter another Russo standard:
giving someone a really lame character which is somehow better than
the one they previously had but still stupid. Juvy calls Vampiro a
jabroni for stealing the Juvy Driver. The bell rings and let's cut
to Oklahoma coming out instead of watching the openin.....maybe
Oklahoma is the better option here.
We come back to the
ring to see Prince blowing a kiss to Paisley (later known as Queen
Sharmell) and superkicking Vampiro down. That's nice and all, but
let's cut to Roddy Piper who is GETTING OUT OF A LIMO. Back to the
ring with Vampiro whipping him into the barricade but heading back
inside for a spinebuster from Prince. Oklahoma hits on Paisley as
Vampiro lands on his feet out of a monkey flip and superkicks Prince
for the pin. This match was less than two and a half minutes long
and somehow squeezed in Oklahoma's entrance, Oklahoma hitting on
Paisely, Piper getting out of a limo and two superkicks.
Prince goes after
Oklahoma post match and gets beaten up by Dr. Death.
Russo
fires Mona for losing on Monday. Good. Go be the adorable Molly
Holly and get to actually show off a bit instead. Rhonda Singh comes
in and thanks Russo as Hennig and the twins snicker at her weight.
She has a plan to get ratings. Could that plan be to have a boss who
makes sure that every viewer knows that women are totally beneath him
and how powerful he is over them? Oh and that Singh is fat and we
should all laugh at her?
Roddy Piper and Nick
Patrick have a chat for the sake of plot convenience. There's a new
ruling that says all referee decisions are final. When was this not
the case?
Saturn and Stevie Ray
fight in the back.
Goldberg/Bret Hart get
a Tag Team Title shot tonight and don't have much to say about it.
Rhonda Singh vs.
Madusa
Evan
Karagias is on commentary, so I guess the title match was dropped
somewhere in the 40 minutes since it was announced. Singh shoves her
down to start and runs her over with the power of fat. Evan uses pop
lyrics to describe his feelings for Madusa, who avoids a middle rope
splash. A quick middle rope dropkick knocks Singh down as Evan gets
on the apron. Madusa kisses him but it's just a distraction so Singh
can miss a charge and knock Karagias off the apron, allowing Madusa
to get a rollup pin.
Time
for Singh's big ratings ploy: stripping! Juvy loves it but the
lights start flickering. You can see someone jumping Singh and
knocking her out.
David Flair starts
talking about his match in the Block (boiler room) with Jerry Flynn.
He starts saying To Be The Man but cracks up instead.
We're about halfway
through the show. Total match time: 5:53.
Stevie nails Saturn
with a Surge container.
David
Flair goes to fight Flynn in the boiler room but runs into Buzzkill,
who wants them to give peace a chance. David tries to hit him with
the crowbar but Flynn takes him down. Cue Tank Abbott for the first
time in about six and a half months to lay out Flynn. This was
billed as a match, believe it or not.
Tag Team Titles:
Goldberg/Bret Hart vs. Creative Control
Bret
and we'll say Gerald get things going with Hart hammering on the arm.
The twins start double teaming to take over as the fans already want
Goldberg. A clothesline gets a very quick two count from Slick
Johnson, drawing in Roddy Piper for you “wrestling isn't enough for
you so here's something else” entertainment. Goldberg comes in
without a tag and cleans house with a spear, setting up a double
finish with the Sharpshooter and Jackhammer to give us new champions.
Rating:
D.
Longest match of the night so far at three minutes and featured the
illegal man getting the pin, a crooked referee, a replacement
referee, and an argument between referees. Somehow that equals out
to nothing to see here other than Russo's favorite story: wacky
partners about to fight at Starrcade. I believe this makes Hart the
first Triple Crown Champion of two companies.
Post
match Bret shakes Goldberg's hand and says may the best man win at
Starrcade.
Stevie and Saturn fight
some more but Juvy says this doesn't matter. Neither does most of
this show, but at least it doesn't matter with bigger names this
week.
Saturn vs. Stevie
Ray
Stevie
starts fast with a corner clothesline but tries again and eats two
boots to the face. Snake Eyes and a t-bone suplex set up a dropkick
for two on Stevie but he comes back with a press slam. The referee
breaks up a stomping in the corner, earning him a bump in the
process. I can't believe it but they managed to make it five whole
matches before the first ref bump. Cue Creative Control to lay out
Stevie, giving Saturn the cheap pin (with feet on the ropes like he
should be doing).
Russo tells Piper that
he'll never work in this business again.
Sting
doesn't care about Diamond Dallas “Trash's” (is he related to
Hollywood Scum Hogan?) problems but approves of Liz. You stupid,
stupid man.
Total Package vs.
Buff Bagwell
Juvy
on Luger: “That's the juice!” DDP comes out for commentary as
Buff grabs a headlock to start. Luger shrugs off some arm cranking
but misses a clothesline and gets slammed twice. Bagwell kicks him
low and gets two off a neckbreaker, sending Luger outside. Page:
“I'm going to shoot my own angle.” He gets up and gets in a
fight with Bagwell, drawing out the agents to break it up for the no
contest. We're still waiting on a match to break three minutes
tonight (the Tag Title match was three minutes even).
Duggan asks Russo for a
match tonight but is told no one cares about him.
Jim Duggan vs. Asya
ENOUGH
OF THE MAN VS. WOMAN STUFF! It worked with Chyna but this has been
old for weeks now. And no match as Creative Control, La Parka and
Hennig run in to beat down Duggan. The Revolution comes out with hot
dogs and pies to make it a big mess. Harlem Heat comes out for the
save.
Benoit/Sid/Rhodes are
ready for the main event.
Sting vs. Diamond
Dallas Page
Liz
is with Sting. Sting hits the Splash and has the Deathlock on in
less than 30 seconds but Page makes the ropes. The referee is decked
(with Page changing directions to hit him) 50 seconds in and here's
Luger to lay out Sting with the ball bat. Page adds a Diamond Cutter
for the pin. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting can't even make a minute
and forty seconds.
Scott Hall/Kevin
Nash/Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit/Dustin Rhodes/Sid Vicious
It's
a huge brawl to start with Jeff and Chris being the only ones left in
the ring for a slugout. Benoit hits something like an Irish Curse
before tagging in Rhodes, who is sent into Nash's forearm. Kevin
comes in for some knees in the corner before it's off to Hall for
some right hands.
That's the extent of
the offense from Hall on Thunder so he brings Nash in for a single
clothesline before it's back to Jarrett. Rhodes gets caught in a
sleeper but suplexes his way out, setting up a double tag to the
monsters. Everything breaks down and Sid clotheslines the Outsiders
down. The powerbomb is broken up by a guitar shot and Nash pins Sid.
Rating:
D-.
Oh screw off WCW. This was the longest match of the night at a
riveting four minutes and twelve seconds. They're clearly setting up
the next incarnation of the NWO with Hall/Nash/Jarrett and my
goodness it's not interesting. When the Outsiders are only in there
for a handful of seconds each, why am I supposed to be interested in
setting them dominate a company? Again?
Overall
Rating: F-.
Eight matches for a total time of 19:47. Do you know how hard it is
to not have twenty minutes of wrestling in a two hour show? I can't
remember the last time Smackdown had eight matches on a card or at
least one match breaking ten minutes. This company has decided to
just not have wrestling on its shows and that's not going to work for
more than a few more weeks. Total disaster of a show here and one of
the biggest wastes of time I can ever remember in wrestling. Well
not really wrestling on this show but you get the idea.
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