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Worst name ever?

Hey Scott,

Was thinking about this the other day, after reading a review of some old WCW card that had Kwee Wee wrestling on it:  What do you think are some of the worst wrester names ever?  I'm not talking about shitty gimmicks that found their way into the name (Red Rooster, Firebreaker Chip), but stand-alone names that were horrible.

I've got Kwee Wee (obviously) near the top, along with Zan Panzer, Dolph Ziggler (although he's overcome it), and maybe Don Kernodle.  What say you?  

What's wrong with Don Kernodle?  You might as well bust on Nick Bockwinkel while you're at it.  

Developmental of course has held the record for bad names lately, although to be fair they're more horribly generic than BAD, per se.  Kwee Wee was absolutely awful, one of the worst.  I think the worst by a country mile was WEE WILLIE WILKINS, but that was more of a specific rib by Dusty Rhodes rather than any kind of attempt at seriously naming someone.  And I know others are not on my side on this one, but I always hated "X-Pac" as a name.  Never worked for me and didn't really represent anything about the character.  

Bruce Hart had some epic bad names when he was booking Stampede, like "Principal" Dick Pound and a million other stupid puns.  Speaking of which, I also thought TL Hopper was terrible, unless you're counting that as part of the gimmick.  

Comments

  1. Beaver Cleavage.

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  2. We've Cena nuff.

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  3. Whoops missed the part about it can't be a gimmick. I'll go with Brian Adams then, because anything that reminds me of that God awful musician is a terrible name

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  4. TseugThatsGuestSpeltBackwardsMay 30, 2015 at 12:52 PM

    Any of the athlete knock-off names (Kenny Dykstra, Bam Neely).

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  5. I'll hate the name Dolph Ziggler, forever and ever.

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  6. Andrew ChampagneMay 30, 2015 at 12:53 PM

    Gobbeldy Gooker has to be up there, right?

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  7. James M. FabianoMay 30, 2015 at 12:56 PM

    1-2-3 Kid was not that great, even teenage me thought so. I know it made sense with the story, but it sounded like a Sesame Street character.

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  8. the miz.
    I've had a couple people ask me what a miz was and they had no idea.

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  9. "Rooster" Griffin. Mid 80s AWA robber.

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  10. Mankind and dude love.

    The rock v mankind sounds like a story from Greek mythology

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  11. On the other hand, if I were an indie guy, there are two names I'd love to at least try:


    1) Mike Lyant: In honour of Paul Heyman.


    2) Joe Boring: I think Scott was the one that came up with this one. Be blatantly dull, like more do more headlocks and restholds than Randy Orton. When the fans start chanting "boring" (maybe have a plant or some friends get the crowd going on this), you ham it up and act like they're chanting your name.

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  12. Kerwin White was pretty bad too.

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  13. I don't know if I'm in the minority or majority here, but I hated the Kassius Ohno name. I get what they were trying for, but it just doesn't work.

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  14. Just have Randy Orton play the character.

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  15. Those were the Brian Gewirtz specials

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  16. Doesn't he already? OH TAG.

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  17. Booby Heenan used that boring joke talking about Rick McGraw, one of few Heenan misfires for me because McGraw was one of my favorites as a preteen.

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  18. I think Scott has talked about the awfulness of "Test" as a name, but it says nothing about the guy other than he is an obstacle for others to overcome.

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  19. Holy shit, why didn't they use the "You failed the Test!" line when someone lost to him?

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  20. I've always hated the name triple h. Get rid of Hearst; hunter Helmsley is not a bad name

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  21. It doesn't quite roll off the tongue, though, with the Hearst. Say the two names aloud to yourself and you'll see what I mean.

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  22. Part of me always believed Test wasn't supposed to hang around as long as he did

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  23. Then how about "the game" hunter

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  24. That sounds like a terrible name for someone with a hunting gimmick.

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  25. Well now you're just giving me flashbacks to that terrible gimmick they gave...shoot, I'm blanking on both the gimmick's name and the wrestler they gave it to. Former Horsemen, big in WCW, never really did much in WWE.

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  26. "Neville"

    Fucking hell. Why they felt the need to drop the Adrian is beyond me.

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  27. I'd be surprised if they never did, though that again plays up the inevitability of the other guy studying more and beating him.

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  28. Also see cesaro and big e

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  29. Suddenly I'm picturing Vince with a collection of first names hidden somewhere in his house.

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  30. Yeah, dude love was all about the context.

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  31. That's the one! Barry Windham. I'm not totally on the ball today. Thanks.

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  32. "Big E" isn't too bad, and Cesaro at least sounds vaguely cool.

    It might just be a UK think, but "Neville" is a total poindexter type name over here. Like Walter or Tarquin.

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  33. There's a joke in there somewhere about having sex with a Diva so you're cramming for the Test.

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  34. I think they're referring specifically to guys with a bad first and last name, not a gimmick specifically.

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  35. Moreover, it doesn't make him sound badass as much as it does Longbottom.

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  36. Yakov Smirnoff: In Soviet Russia, test crams you.

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  37. Lash Le Roux
    Mike Quackenbush
    Justin Credible
    Buck Zumhofe

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  38. Man, strongly disagree to those first three.

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  39. Probably for the best, since I reflexively thought of Aaron Neville every time.

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  40. Justin credible is a great name for a guy who does awesome moves

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  41. Zan Panzer is an amazing name.

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  42. There used to be a footballer who played for Partick Thistle whose (real) name was Emmanuel Panther.

    Always thought he should either be a wrestler or a porn star with a name like that.

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  43. Leo Kruger would sue for gimmick infringement

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  44. Yeah, it sounds like it should be the name of a nazi character and he looks a bit like an aryan superchild so it took me a long while to warm to him.

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  45. He need a partner named "Stu Pendis"

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  46. I think the thing with Don Kernodle was his tag team championship run with Sgt. Slaughter--that always looked weird to me reading the title histories in the PWI Almanac every year: that mismatch of one guy with a VERY pro wrestling name with one..not so much

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  47. Mikey Whipwreck.


    Mike Quackenbush.


    Lash Laroux.


    CM Punk.


    Hoss Funk.

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  48. Too bad the guy who used it did not do any "awesome moves."

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  49. Happy to see im not the only one who doesn't like Quack or LaRoux as names.

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  50. Come on, guys. Verne was the KING of bad names. Have we already forgotten Rocky Mountain Thunder?

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  51. But for developmental, definitely Lucky Cannon.

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  52. I could like with Laroux as a surname if it wasn't alliterative.

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  53. ThebrazilianpsychoMay 30, 2015 at 1:27 PM

    We already had that in WWE 13, pass.

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  54. ThebrazilianpsychoMay 30, 2015 at 1:28 PM

    Give me a No Mercy style of story.

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  55. Just came across one that I'm not sure is awful or Great...

    Rob Noxious

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  56. For the one or two people still holding out hope, Rollins confirms that the Curb Stomp is gone forever.

    http://www.insidestl.com/insideSTLcom/STLSports/STLMMAWrestling/tabid/256/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/17811/Seth-Rollins-Humble-About-Past-Looks-Forward-To-Future.aspx

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  57. I dunno, for someone generally on the losing side but always striving for greatness, i think it works.

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  58. Adam "Colorado" CurryMay 30, 2015 at 1:32 PM

    Winner. Or loser, I guess.

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  59. Eli Cottonwood. Ugh.

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  60. I always hated the Mankind name and persona.


    On the other hand I liked everything about Dude Love.

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  61. Kizarny. Just so much bad.

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  62. He said never say never.

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  63. Adam "Colorado" CurryMay 30, 2015 at 1:33 PM

    Does he even count? I don't think he ever actually wrestled.

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  64. I don't care for last names that are words.


    If that's true of your real name, then so be it, but not by choice.

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  65. Adam "Colorado" CurryMay 30, 2015 at 1:34 PM

    Hak was pretty terrible.

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  66. He had only the one debut match on Smackdown and he was so bad, he never came back.

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  67. Adam "Colorado" CurryMay 30, 2015 at 1:36 PM

    If I were a wrestler I'd call myself Tommy Molson. A reference to one of my favorite bands and my favorite beer.

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  68. Thaddeus MountainMay 30, 2015 at 1:36 PM

    Once you go Test, FORGET ABOUT THE REST

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  69. Adam "Colorado" CurryMay 30, 2015 at 1:37 PM

    I didn't even think he got that far, I thought he just did one segment and it bombed so hard he never even got a match.


    The whole thing was a really stupid idea.

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  70. He's workin ya, brother.

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  71. I like that one. Sounds hillbilly-ish.

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  72. Thaddeus MountainMay 30, 2015 at 1:37 PM

    I'm seriously hoping for a Nick Offerman cameo wherein he provides some pithy advice to Pratt.

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  73. Billy and the cloneasaurus?

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  74. Thaddeus MountainMay 30, 2015 at 1:38 PM

    RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, BITCHES!

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  75. There is zero chance you never see another curb stomp again.

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  76. Adam "Colorado" CurryMay 30, 2015 at 1:38 PM

    Mr. J.L. was pretty bad too.

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  77. I have never heard of the name Tarquin.

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  78. Thaddeus MountainMay 30, 2015 at 1:40 PM

    I need a Hawks win and I need it bad.

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  79. You want to bet on that or seeing an Orton punt first?

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  80. http://i.imgur.com/8DLOR8V.gifv



    Slow motion lightning from a few feet away.

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  81. Didn't Orton do a punt within the last year?

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  82. Actually there's lots from ECW.


    Ballz Mahoney? What?

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  83. He's teased it in big matches over the last three years... but it doesn't connect.

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  84. I still think of Aaron Neville every time, so losing the first name didn't help at all.

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  85. That sounds like a cheap knockoff of another man's wildly successful idea.

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  86. Holy fuck, there's a car seat that will need cleaning.

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  87. Thaddeus MountainMay 30, 2015 at 1:46 PM

    Holy shit!

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  88. He did it against the Big Show, after it had been banned.

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  89. Im comin across some names - Here are some that are fantastic...


    Wolf Hawkfield

    Vance Vain
    Dino Bambino

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  90. I have hated the Justin Credible name with an unhealthy passion since I first heard it/saw him.


    It literally sounds like the name of a protagonist in children's cartoon. Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable. And the thing about Kim Possible is that I actually DO like their names. They fit perfectly into a cartoon world aired on Nickelodeon or Disney or whatever.


    Justin Credible would be suited there. Or if he was trying to be a Cena level of pandering to kids wrestler it would work. But as a mediocre worker who was trying to pretend he had hard core credentials? Just awful.

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  91. It's a very stupid name. I pretty much stopped watching WCW altogether once they had guys with names like Lash Leroux and Kwee Wee.

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  92. Joey Abs


    Sorry that name rules.

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  93. Clark O'BrienMay 30, 2015 at 1:54 PM

    There's a ton from the early days of NXT, Lucky Canon stands out though.

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  94. Who the hell names their kid Kip?

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  95. I prefer the guy cooking the sausages.

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  96. Brendan McDonaldMay 30, 2015 at 1:58 PM

    I always figured it was some dumb Boogie Nights ripoff.


    "That guy looks kind of like a gigolo. Name him something like Dirk Diggler, but different."


    "How's Dolph Ziggler?"


    "Sold."

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  97. Joey Jo-Jo Junior ShabbadooMay 30, 2015 at 1:59 PM

    Dolph Ziggler, Dolph Ziggler, Dolph Ziggler, DOLPH FUCKING ZIGGLER.

    It doesn't sound real, it's not a reference to any tangible thing or idea, it's not a clever pun or alliterative nor does it translate into anything cool or mysterious (like Skandor Akbar, which may be the coolest wrestling name ever, translating to "Alexander the Great"). It's just a dumb-sounding meaningless moniker they slapped on the guy for no discernible reason.


    God, I hate that name. Just irrationally, passionately hate it.

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  98. Val and Mahoney should have formed a Tag Team.


    Venis and Balls.

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  99. Terry Taylor and Mahoney.


    Cock and Ballz.

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  100. Brendan McDonaldMay 30, 2015 at 2:01 PM

    Finn Balor and Hideo Itami are pretty bad names, especially when you could have named them anything.

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  101. Robinson TilapiaMay 30, 2015 at 2:02 PM

    Sorry. Finn Balor is incredibly badass.

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  102. Hideo Itami just sounds like any old Japanese name. It's fine.

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  103. Brendan McDonaldMay 30, 2015 at 2:03 PM

    Does it mean something that I'm not getting? Because it's not even clear how to pronounce it if you're just looking at it. It could be BAY-lor.

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  104. Joey Jo-Jo Junior ShabbadooMay 30, 2015 at 2:03 PM

    I thought I'd eventually get used to it, but I honestly hate it more every time I hear it.

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  105. It is a dumb name, but I think they're just going for something Gaelic sounding. He's Irish isn't he?

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  106. Robinson TilapiaMay 30, 2015 at 2:04 PM

    Didn't Heyman want to turn Al Snow into "Psycho" Sam Attic at one point? That would have taken the cake.

    Kwee-wee was awful for various reasons. I always thought "Kiwi" was supposed to be a play off of Chris Kattan's "Mango" SNL character at the time, but they then had to make it sound like "queer" for reasons.

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  107. He's named after two figures in Irish lore/mythology. Finn mac Cumhaill, a hunter/warrior, and Balor, a sort of demon-king.

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  108. Togo and mahoney


    Dick and Balls.

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  109. Brendan McDonaldMay 30, 2015 at 2:05 PM

    If there's any guy that screams for them to shorten it to just one name, it's this guy. Hideo, while not the greatest, is still fine and you can chant it.

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  110. Always reminds me of Dirk Diggler.

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  111. On the contrary: the second paragraph demonstrates why your hatred is completely rational.

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  112. I can remember JR using something like, "We'll find out if RVD can pass... the Test!"

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  113. Brendan McDonaldMay 30, 2015 at 2:06 PM

    Well, that's points for trying. I'm still not sold on it as a professional wrestler name, but that's a cool backstory.

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  114. Robinson TilapiaMay 30, 2015 at 2:06 PM

    I think he also said Finn is his father or uncle's name. It's not a WWE Name Generator thing.

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  115. See, cuz he was the guy who tested the mics for Motley Crue.

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  116. Bulldog's kid and Mahoney.


    Harry Balls.

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  117. Totally agree. Unless it's an actual last name. It just reeks of '90s e-wrestling. I could go without ever seeing any wrestler named "Storm" again.

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  118. Palmer Cannon was equally as bad because I always wanted to call him Carson Palmer.

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  119. The Padres have a relief pitcher named Kevin Quackenbush. I remember doing like a triple-take the first time I saw him in a game. I was stunned that that was an actual, real name.

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  120. Dan Severn= Biggest miss of the attitude era?

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  121. Schwartz is horrible on MULTIPLE levels. With all due respect to Sandy Koufax, Ryan Braun, Hank Greenberg, and others--"Abe Schwartz" is possibly the least-basebally name in history.

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  122. Scorpio and Mahoney


    2 Cold Balls

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  123. Winger's parents.

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  124. He was just a mid card guy. Aim small, miss small mothafucka.

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  125. That's clearly the intent

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  126. I think that they wanted him to be more than that though.

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  127. Knux is pretty stupid.

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  128. What's the best real name that ISN'T used as a wrestling name? It wouldn't have fit the Rock 'n Roll Express gimmick, but "Reuben Kane" is a fucking killer wrestling name.

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  129. Beyonce does nothing for me. Talent wise or physically... I cannot be the only one.

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  130. Shamrock/Severn should have been the semi-main on a ppv at some point. Instead Severn got his "neck broken" in September and was dumped out of the Royal Rumble with no fanfare in January.

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  131. Rick Blood.

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  132. Jonathan Good.

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  133. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 30, 2015 at 2:14 PM

    Dolph Ziggler is a terrible name given to a good wrestler.


    Jack Swagger is a kind of awesome name given to a boring wrestler.

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  134. Best episode of Parks and Rec?


    I'm thinking The Debate, but really that whole run of LEslie's campaign from when Paul Rudd showed up to the end of that season was fucking fantastic.

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  135. That's what I mean, did they mean for him to be a big deal? He was gone a month after I started watching so I wasn't sure if he was a big deal or not.

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  136. That was actually used--oddly enough not by Steamboat, but by Tito Santana.

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  137. The Unity Concert was pretty amazing.

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  138. Ron Killings is pretty good. I like it more than R-Truth.

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  139. Meltzer repeatedly saying fuck on Cornette's podcast out of frustration with Dixie trying to rally her troops against him, hilarious.

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  140. I may be crazy, but I think "Thaddeus Bullard" is a pretty awesome name.

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  141. If you switch the names on the guys... Jack becomes a perma-main eventer with Dolph lasting under a year.

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  142. Amanda Bines played a girl pretending to be a boy to play soccer. Jonathan Brandis played a boy pretending to be a girl to play soccer. She's insane and he's dead. That can't be a coincidence.

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  143. Ron Killings is a fine name. R-Truth is just a letter and a word.

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  144. Underrated entrance music: that track from Snatch that Nigel McGuinness used.

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  145. And the sad thing is, that his real name is a much better wrestling name.

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  146. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 30, 2015 at 2:18 PM

    That's kind of perfect actually. Swagger actually looks like more of a "Dolph Ziggler" anyway. If the guy we know as Dolph right now was called "The Show-Off" Jack Swagger, that would make way more sense.

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  147. That one would depend on who's carrying it. The right personality would make that awesome. Billy Gunn would make it unbearably awful.

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  148. Couldn't any of the punches they throw in a match theoretically cause a concussion too?

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  149. I just watched a youtube video called "Kizarny 5th promo" and OH MY GOD.

    Just awful. I wasn't watching when this nightmare occurred.

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  150. SO many viewings of Ladybugs on the various HBOs when I was a kid, lol...I know it's not seen as a Rodney Dangerfield classic or anything, but I can still probably recite that one front to back.

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  151. John Cena's dad was only ever known as Mr. Cena, right? To the point that I think he was announced as such by Lillian?


    That's dumb.

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  152. I'm sure they would have liked to, but it ain't like they were putting all their eggs in one basket.

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  153. Nick Nemeth isn't can't miss great but it's certainly usable.

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  154. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 30, 2015 at 2:19 PM

    If there was any kind of tag team division in 2012 timeframe, I feel like the Ziggler/Swagger team (with Vickie) would have been great. Those dudes as "The Show-Offs", as an Edge/Christian or Midnight Express type dominant heel team would have been awesome. But there were no other tag teams, so it was forgettable

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  155. Oh same. It was on the movie channel when I was a kid, my sister and I watched to repeatedly. I found "I dressed her son up like a girl and made him play with me" funnier as an adult.

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  156. Freddy Joe Floyd
    TL Hopper
    Bastian Booger

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  157. Picked up watching Summerslam 98 where I passed out last night:


    Mankind vs Outlaws was the beginning of Mankind's heel turn right? They have the Outlaws acting WAY heelish here.

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  158. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 30, 2015 at 2:20 PM

    Bastion Booger. What the everloving fuck?

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  159. Hey! Someone on the blog the other day asked me who Brad Anderson was, and there's one answer: Zan Panzer.

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  160. We call that the "Saturday Morning Slam" no punch rule.

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  161. My friend works with a former security guard whose ACTUAL NAME is "Constant Blessings"

    I can't decide if it's an awful ring name or this guy needs to go to wrestling school. It's so dumb it has to work

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  162. Options for the evening - beers with my sisters finance and watch the hockey game, which I asked him to do last week and don't really feel like doing now. Or sit home and buy new gym shoes online.

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  163. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 30, 2015 at 2:21 PM

    Virgil should have shed his "servant" name when he broke away from Dibiase. Go by "Mike Jones" or "Virgil Jones" or something to distinguish him as his own man after breaking away from his old boss

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  164. I find it honestly more terrifying that the kid that killed Pennywise in it, committed suicide as a young adult.


    That's like the opening act of another hypothetical Stephen King book.

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  165. She does as much for me in both regards as most female R&B singers of the last 25 or so years.

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  166. Haha, I was gonna mention that bar scene and how there's stuff throughout that movie I didn't get until way later.

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  167. Drink beers and shop online while awkwardly ignoring the sister's fiancee while the game plays in the background.

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  168. I'm with you there. Something about a "geeky" sounding name being held by someone very intimidating works.


    Wilson Fisk from DareDevil on Netflix comes to mind.

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  169. Eh, Vince wasn't done mocking Dusty yet.

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  170. All the autographs he signs? That'd just be leaving money on the table taking time for all those extra letters

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  171. Windham Rotundo

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  172. Justin Credible sounds like the name of a spot monkey cruiser.

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  173. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 30, 2015 at 2:23 PM

    Akeem the African Dream. Why couldn't he just be fucking One Man Gang still?

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  174. Fat, Ugly Inner-City SweathogMay 30, 2015 at 2:23 PM

    Saba Simba.

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  175. I went to school with a Winter Bare. Her ass was amazing.

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  176. Thaddeus MountainMay 30, 2015 at 2:23 PM

    Tracy Jordan just stuck it to the Black Crusaders.

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