Date: June 17, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D'Angelo Dinero
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
We've got two weeks to go before Slammiversary and it's time to start building towards the main event of the TV show two weeks from tonight. Yeah the Carter vs. Angle World Title match is going to be held on Impact instead of at the pay per view due to some scheduling issues. That is of course TOTALLY different than TNA being a poorly run company who couldn't figure out that having a pay per view the day after a TV taping was really, really stupid. Let's get to it.
We open with a tribute to Dusty Rhodes, who used to be the authority figure here back in the early days.
It's time for Angle and Carter to sign the contract. In an interesting case, this is coming just after a contract signing closed Ring of Honor. Carter gets to talk first by talking about Angle beating Heartbreak Kids, Texas Rattlesnakes, Dead Men, Immortals, Electrifying Men, Rated R Superstars and some people you can't even see. He's also beaten submission machines, phenomenal ones, icons and charismatic enigmas (the first person mentioned actually still with this company. And shouldn't those all be singular since Angle only beat one each?) but the World Title reigns ends with Carter.
Angle praises Carter, but thinks he's a disrespectful punk. This time around, Kurt is healthy and ready because he's been here before. Once Carter loses, it's going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Both guys sign, but they also get to pick an opponent for each other. Angle gets to go first, and he picks Lashley to face Carter. Not a bad choice. Carter gets to pick next week on a live show.
The X-Division Title will be decided next week. Man just scrap Slammiversary and put on a Barney Miller marathon.
We recap the Tag Team Title series to this point, with the Wolves currently up 2-1.
Here are the Wolves with Davey talking about how they've fought around the world to be the best tag team in the world, and that's what those belts mean. They've beaten the BroMans, the Hardys and Team 3D already and now it's time for the Dirty Heels. Last time the Heels cheated to win, but the Wolves won't get fooled again. Good line but points off for a WOLVES NATION shirt. Stop just putting a word in front of nation and thinking it sounds good.
Edwards wants to do match four right now, so here's Roode sans Aries. Austin isn't here tonight because he's healing up after last week, so there's no match. Eddie thinks a singles match is in order and Roode doesn't think so, but he'll do it if the winner gets to pick the stipulation for next week. The Wolves are fine and it's time to go.
Bobby Roode vs. Eddie Edwards
Roode hammers away to start but Eddie kicks him outside for a big suicide dive. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Eddie but he runs into an elbow to the jaw. A Hennig necksnap puts Eddie down again as Roode is a heel this week. It's good to know as it varies so often. Roode's chinlock doesn't go anywhere as Edwards comes back with a leg lariat.
The announcers call last week's Aries vs. Angle match five stars. At least this time they're waiting until after the match happened to praise it. There's a backpack Stunner for two on Roode but he comes back with a spinebuster for the same. Roode tries to bring in a chair but Richards gets on the apron for some reason, earning him a swing from Bobby. The distraction lets Eddie get a rollup pin at 8:22.
Rating: C. This brings up the problem with the entire series: the matches are just ok. They're not bad or anything, but I barely remember them a few minutes after they happened because they're just coming and going as we wait for the big match to come for the titles to exist again. The ending made no sense either as the Wolves wound up cheating instead of the Dirty Heel. This story hasn't been great since it started and it's losing steam every week.
Davey makes match #4 Full Metal Mayhem. So what's #5 going to be? Another regular match?
Joseph Park is back, minus his law firm, money or teeth. He'll face Bram tonight and get to be the guy on top for the first time. So we're just forgetting that he knows he's Abyss I guess? Does that mean we're done with the Revolution too?
We get a ten second video of Drew Galloway talking about how much he loves wrestling.
Bram vs. Joseph Park
Park tries to lecture Bram before the match and gets punched in the face. Bram slugs away but misses a chair shot, allowing Park to get in some shots of his own. Now it's table and kendo stick time as I guess this is a hardcore match. It was never announced as one but sure why not. Park comes back with some kendo stick shots and a chokeslam for two. Back up and Park misses a spear through the table, allowing Bram to get the pin at 3:53.
Rating: F. A guy as talented as Bram is stuck in the hardcore story because there's nothing else for him to do right now because they've killed off the singles titles other than the World Title and now we're sitting here watching him against Joseph Park. Bad match here and Bram doesn't even get to hit his finisher to win? Horrible stuff.
Taryn has a deal for Brooke and Awesome Kong: if they beat the Dolls tonight, they both get a title shot. If they lose, neither can ever have a shot again.
The world is ready to burn and playtime is over. No idea what that is for.
Marti Bell/Jade vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong
Brooke gets jumped in the aisle but here's Kong for the save. The bell rings and Kong runs Jade over before it's off to Brooke, who doesn't have the same luck. Brooke fights off some double teaming but gets thrown right back into the corner as the announcers debate their taste in women. Brooke avoids a charge and spears Jade down, allowing for the tag to Kong. A chokeslam plants Marti and Brooke climbs onto her shoulders for a big elbow and the pin at 6:24.
Rating: D. This wasn't the worst in the world but good grief Josh is getting on my nerves. Between talking about the number of days the champions have held their titles and calling Dinero the heel commentator, he becomes more of a combination of Cole and Striker every week. Nothing match here as the finish was obvious, though the story wasn't bad.
We recap the hardcore war which ended with Eric Young choking out Chris Melendez with Chris' prosthetic leg.
Chris Melendez wants to fight Eric Young right now. This brings Young out to praise Melendez for being an American hero, but Young just doesn't care. He cares about no one but himself because there's no reason for Melendez to be in the same ring as Eric Young. Does Chris really want to be here all alone next week? Chris says he's ready. Young was just a jerk here and not crazy, making him FAR more effective as a heel. Melendez is nothing though.
DJZ vs. Jesse Godderz
Godderz laid DJZ out last week so DJZ charges right at him to start and nails a jawbreaker and middle rope back elbow (love that move). Back up and Jesse slams him down by the arm, setting up a Boston crab for the submission at 1:43.
Post match Godderz cuts a really, REALLY good promo about how he was the BroMans because he was the only one training while Robbie was on a reality TV show and DJZ was in some bar making funny noises. He rants about how Robbie was nothing until he joined the team and now DJZ is nothing either. Jesse gorilla presses him up but Robbie makes his big return and shows more fire than ever before. I'm actually digging this.
We look back at James Storm possibly murdering Mickie James a few weeks back.
Here's a livid Magnus, two weeks after Mickie was attacked. He isn't letting this show continue until he gets James Storm out here one on one. Here's Storm to call Magnus the crazy jealous one for having Mickie followed by cameras. “What do you think was happening when those cameras weren't there?” Magnus is held back by security but Storm brings out a baby stroller, presumably carrying Mickie and Magnus' son.
James calls it his insurance policy but walks down the aisle without it. He says Mickie is a sorry excuse for a woman and Magnus is a sorry excuse for a man, which is finally enough to get Magnus past security. Storm kicks the baby stroller off the stage and of course it's just a doll.
Video on Ethan Carter III.
Ethan Carter III vs. Bobby Lashley
Lashley throws him down to start and nails a hard clothesline before just running Carter over. Tyrus finally grabs Lashley's boot to stop his boss' pain but Lashley easily suplexes Carter over. Another Tyrus distraction lets Carter get in a dropkick off the apron to take over. The match isn't bad so far but I can't take much more of Josh talking about the number of days Carter has been undefeated. Carter slows him down with a chinlock for a bit before having to escape a torture rack.
Lashley scores with a powerslam for two but Tyrus puts a chair in the corner. The spear hits the chair (Earl Hebner has zero issue with this) and Carter gets two off a DDT. The 1%er is countered and the referee goes down (like it matters), right before the spear connects. Cue another referee but Tyrus takes him out and gives Lashley a Big Ending, setting up the third referee to count two, earning him a shot from Tyrus. Lashley spears Tyrus but gets speared down, only to get nailed in the back with a chair, setting up the 1%er to give Carter the pin at 9:26.
Rating: D+. This was straight out of the Russo playbook with two chairs, three ref bumps and interference in less than ten minutes. Angle was nowhere in sight to help even the odds because the script didn't say he was supposed to and the whole thing was just way too much. It didn't help that Josh was driving me up the wall with his counting the days of Carter being undefeated. We get it: you're Michael Cole and Carter is Miz. Pick a better role model.
Overall Rating: D+. This show is on the verge of flying off the rails and you can see a lot of it coming from here. The problem right now is they're building to three different shows instead of any one in particular. You have next week's live show with Full Metal Mayhem and the X-Division Title match, Slammiversary (which I don't think has anything official yet) and then the bell to bell show in two weeks with the World Title match. It doesn't help that a lot of the midcard just feels like a big waste of time when they could be doing anything else. The show wasn't horrible but they need to focus on something quick.
Eddie Edwards b. Bobby Roode – Rollup
Bram b. Joseph Park – Pin after a missed spear through a table
Brooke/Awesome Kong b. Jade/Marti Bell – Elbow drop to Bell
Jesse Godderz b. DJZ – Boston crab
Ethan Carter III b. Bobby Lashley – 1%er
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