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The SmarK Rant for Impact Wrestling–05.24.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact Wrestling – 05.24.12

This trainwreck at least HAS to be more interesting than Smackdown these days.

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz

Hulk Hogan gives the troops a peptalk backstage, and he goes over the format sheet for tonight and talks about how all the MOMENTUM that TNA has are breaking the format because they can’t be contained by regular TV production. So it’s Open Fight Night, which means a title shot tonight and anyone can challenge anyone else, and Hogan grills Bully Ray, Jeff Hardy, Kurt Angle and AJ Styles about which of them should get the shot tonight. The upshot is that Hogan wants Roode to lose tonight, so it’s not Bully Ray getting the shot. Ouch. This was an interesting reality-show type backstage segment, filmed and produced differently than their usual ones.

Eric Young & ODB v. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne

This comes from a pretty brutal challenge promo by Gail Kim, as she delivers a stilted speech about being the most dominant Knockouts champion in TNA’s history. Young trades headlocks with Kim, and ODB comes in to clean house on the heels as we take a break. Back with Rayne working ODB over and getting an elbow for two. ODB spears Kim out of the corner and makes the hot tag to Young, but of course he’s not allowed to do anything. Or I guess not, as he slams the girls, but ODB nags him about putting his pants back on. And who hasn’t been there? Sadly, she’s so distracted by Young’s speedo that she gets tripped up and pinned by Kim at 8:50. I’m assuming this was non-title but it wasn’t really made clear.

Rob Van Dam v. Gunner

Apparently Gunner injured RVD some months ago, and RVD wants to settle it. I’m down with that kind of reasoning. They brawl outside and Gunner throws a chair in, but RVD gets into a slugfest with him instead and hits the spinkick. Rolling Thunder, but he misses a spinkick in the corner and Gunner takes over. He charges, however, and runs into a leg lariat and then gets Van Daminated. His own damn fault for bringing that chair in. Five Star Frog splash finishes impressively at 2:48. *1/2

TV title: Devon v. Garrett Bischoff

Devon throws out the challenge based off getting eliminated in a battle royale last week. But they’re still cool with each other. Devon puts him down with a back elbow, but misses a splash to allow Garrett to get a neckbreaker. Devon shrugs that one off cheerfully. And then the Robbies run in for the DQ while Devon is casually holding a headlock. The babyfaces team up to get rid of the doofuses (doofusae?) and Garrett can barely clothesline someone over the top rope properly.

Meanwhile, Hulk eliminates Jeff Hardy because his win-loss record just isn’t up to snuff lately. Hulk promises to choose between Angle and AJ later.

Bully Ray v. JOSEPH PARK, ESQ.

Bully calls Joseph out of the audience, but he’s never been in a fight before and he’s a little intimidated. But then he uses his LAWYERING skill to go all Matlock on Bully Ray and accuse him of masterminding Abyss’ disappearance. Bully takes offense and beats the hell out of him.

Gut Check Challenge: Austin Aries v. Joey Ryan

Ryan looks like a skinny 80s jobber trying to look like goofy 80s Scott Hall. Aries easily dominates him, but goes up and gets crotched for two. Ryan with a back elbow for two. Aries fires back with a spinning elbow, but Ryan bails to the apron and gets a sunset flip. Aries rolls through it and dropkicks him, but Ryan hits a pumphandle suplex for two. Pretty nice little sequence there. Aries comes right back with a throw into the corner and hits him with the dropkick into the corner, and finishes with the brainbuster at 4:10. Good effort from the indy geek here. He needs an image makeover, but I’d hire him. **

TNA World title: Bobby Roode v. AJ Styles

Hogan brings out both potential challengers and then picks AJ because he knows Roode better. AJ dominates and tosses Roode, and we take a break. Back with Roode sending AJ into the post to injure the shoulder, and back in for two. Roode works the arm, but charges and gets backdropped to the floor, and AJ follows with a dive. AJ gets distracted by something on the ramp and that allows Roode the chance to hiptoss him onto the stairs, and back in for two. And we take another break. Back with Roode dropping a knee for two and going to a surfboard, but AJ breaks free and tries the springboard. Roode breaks that up, but AJ fires back with the springboard forearm after all, and gets two. To the top, but AJ fights him off and comes down with the missile dropkick for two. They trade finisher attempts and Roode catapults him into the corner and then follows with a spear for two. Into the crossface, but AJ rolls him over for two. Roode tries it again, but AJ reverses to an Indian deathlock, forcing Roode into the ropes. AJ sets up to finish, but Roode backdrops out and into the spinebuster, and the fisherman’s suplex gets two. Another one is reversed into the Pele kick and AJ goes out to the apron, but blows the 450 springboard, allowing Roode to finish with the suplex at 21:13 and set the record for longest reigning champion. Hell of a TV match, though. ****

After one last break, Bobby Roode celebrates his win and calls out Hogan to celebrate with him, but Hulk brings out Sting, who is apparently the SHOCKING special guest promised all episode. So next week it’s Roode v. Sting in a lumberjack match on the first live show. Whoopee.

The Pulse

The closing angle was pretty underwhelming, but I actually enjoyed this show more than RAW as of late. It was certainly more logically booked. I’ll probably stick with this over Smackdown for a while and see where the live TV thing goes.

Comments

  1. I haven't watched TNA in about a year, but I'm glad Bobby ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO is having a great run and that Bully Ray got in shape and shot himself up the card.

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  2. Slow start, but they made up for it in the second hour. Agree about the main even, fast paced and had anything you can ask for in a tv main event. About ryan - ive only seen him a handful of times. one of which was in a chikara tournament, he looks in better shape now.I dont know much about his gimmick, but its entertaining as long as they dont stress it too much. 

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  3. I've been happier with TNA's product these past few weeks and am hopeful it continues. I have more interest in their overall roster than WWE's right now. Daniel Bryan, Punk, Jericho I enjoy but the rest doesn't do a whole lot for me right now.

    I've always enjoyed Christopher Daniels and I think personality wise he's doing better now than ever. Huge AJ Styles fan. His ringwork is fantastic. I'm also a huge Austin Aries fan and he's one of the people TNA has been booking right pretty consistently now.

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  4. Joey Ryan's the one that's playing a gay babyface who doesn't act feminine or flamboyant in that Wrestling Retribution Project that seems like it will never air.

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  5. Joey Ryan has a lot of clout somewhere, because twice during he show last night, he was trending world wide on Twitter.  He'll surely be snapped up quickly by WWE now, so they can add another Twitter stud to their stable.

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  6. What a match. TNA has been better than Raw lately FACT! Bobby Roode has been an amazing heel champion, I thoguht for sure he was going to drop the title to storm last month. I am thinking they might wait till Bound For Glory and poss put over Aries!? to end his reign.

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  7. I only caught the opening segment. I appreciate when wrestling companies try something new & they were obviously going for the "reality show" vibe. But damn, the background music was so cheesy.

    Segments that are overproduced (save for vignettes) never work in pro wrestling because it pulls you from the suspension of belief. Couple that with the Russo-esque use of inside terms that were unnecessary ("this is a shoot Hulk, i'm putting you over!") and it annoyed me.

    It also went on way too long....my girlfriend made me turn it off before the end of the segment. She did make a good point.
    "Why are they talking about who should be champion? Shouldn't they wrestle about it?"

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  8. Joey Ryan has a rather large following online due to his history in PWG. The guy can go and has proven himself over the last ten years. I've seen him in more than a handful of good to great matches. He was in Wrestling Society X for those who remember that. I never watch Impact, but I'm planning on seeking out this match.

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  9.  "Why are they talking about who should be champion? Shouldn't they wrestle about it?"

    That's crazy talk!

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  10. I'd love see TNA ride the momentum for a long time, getting a good enough rating that'd make Vince a wee bit nervous. I'm sure they won't overtake the E, at least in the foreseeable future, but just something like a 1.8 or a 2.0, something that'd make Vince say "How is this possible?" and make him rein in his TV product more.

    The glory years of 1996-1999 were created by competition, after all.

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  11. Soon as they get rid of Hogan and Bischoff, I'll start watching.

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  12. You're not the first person to say that. A buddy of mine says the same thing.  I just don't understand why someone would let a couple of personalities like Hogan and Bischoff prevent them from watching a show? Seems silly to me.

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  13. I stopped watching for the same reason. It's not just because of the personalities (although them taking up a lot of the show to do lame "insider" stuff was a huge reason I stopped), but also a lot of the business decisions behind-the-scenes they've made during their run (see: The Band, Brooke Hogan hired to work with the Knockouts, et al). When it gets back to TNA and not Nitro 2.0, I'll come back, but I have no faith in the product while they're there.

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  14. Funny thing, if I knew AJ/Roode was the endgame, I mightve put TNA back on.

    Thats one very bad thing about booking "on the fly" shows, especially when youre TNA and you have no audience. You have to give people a reason to watch the matches. Not try to hook them by who could possibly wrestle in those matches.

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  15. Bobby Roode, James Storm, Austin Aries, Bully Ray, AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy are the focal points of the company right now, particularly the first four. Not Hogan and not Bischoff.

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  16. Live Impact = Live Viewing Thread PLEASE

    Tommy? Princess? Anyone?

    I just started watching TNA last week and have to admit I'm kind of digging it. It's not the sparkly product or the kids are used to but it seems like they wrestle a HELL of a lot more and the angles (granted only two weeks in) have actually been based on things like "Hey, I want your title" or "Hey, you hurt me now I'm going to hurt you" which to me is infinitely better than "Your dad was an alcoholic" or "I no longer want you to be the face of the company despite still putting you in the main event every television show and PPV".

    I'm excited for the live shows, hopefully the can sustain the buzz.

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  17. "Hulk Hogan gives the troops a peptalk backstage, and he goes over the format sheet for tonight and talks about how all the MOMENTUM that TNA has are breaking the format because they can’t be contained by regular TV production."
    "TV title: Devon v. Garrett Bischoff"

    "Meanwhile, Hulk eliminates Jeff Hardy because his win-loss record just isn’t up to snuff lately."

    "Hogan brings out both potential challengers and then picks AJ because he knows Roode better."


    "After one last break, Bobby Roode celebrates his win and calls out Hogan to celebrate with him, but Hulk brings out Sting, who is apparently the SHOCKING special guest promised all episode. So next week it’s Roode v. Sting in a lumberjack match on the first live show. Whoopee."


    4 Hogan segments and a Bischoff match. And Brooke is on her way. 

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  18. I'm going to give TNA another chance with the live shows.  How long they keep me interested will depend on the quality, but I'm desperate for an alternative.

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  19. I'll take Hogan in that role over Johnny "I have the charisma of a spade shovel" Ace any day.

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  20. I haven't been watching Impact very much lately, but did catch last night's show.  The Hogan segments weren't that long, and they actually came across very well.  During each one of the Hogan segments the World Title and Bobby Roode all got put over as being important.

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  21. Roode's title match was actually something of an anomaly.  Most Impact matches don't run over 5 minutes in length, and that includes the main event.

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  22. The guy is really great as a sleazy heel.  The problem is that Aries was playing that same type of character a few months ago.  So while I'd love to see Joey Ryan finally get his day but I don't think he'll catch on.

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  23. I just realized what's bothered me about Bobby Roode lately.  His haircut makes him look like a muscular Seth Rogen.

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  24. Scott, I'm glad you're reviewing IW (for the time being).  I'm a viewer of both WWE and TNA, but really root for TNA.  I'm a former WCW fan and would like to see anything challenge the E, and get them to try a little harder.  This is the second main event in a row that's been quality, and at least they're bringing in new ideas.  Plus, live shows should pop the ratings a bit.

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  25. I think Ace is pretty funny that way, i really enjoy his segments in a strange way

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  26. That hasn't been the case for the last three weeks.

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  27. Did he wrestle? Did he put himself over? Did he take up massive amounts of TV time?

    He spent his camera time putting over the importance of the TNA title and the importance of ending Bobby Roode's chance at the record.

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  28. I don't care who he puts over or what he does. Hulk Hogan and his hair extensions shouldn't be involved with any wrestling promotion or on any wrestling show.
    He needs to stick to the shitty VH1 reality shows, it's what he is more famous for nowadays anyway.

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  29. I don't care if his segment is 10 seconds long, one "brother" out of him is enough to make me puke.

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  30. I hate half of those four.

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  31. Again, only part of the problem is what they do in front of the camera. More of it lies behind it. 

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  32. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that feels this way. Ever since WCW went out of business I've never felt the same about wrestling. I've been rooting for TNA all along...not to overtake WWE...that's not going to happen. But I want them to be a true alternative and competitive. The competition would be good for everyone. I've been pleased with some of the recent improvements and I think this last impact is worth viewing for fans who may have given up on TNA.

    I really hope they have another solid show when they go live. I dont mean a ton of star power or crazy angles. But just solid matches and storytelling. I know the big match so far is Roode vs Sting and I think that can be decent. I'd really like them to showcase Aries, Bully Ray, Daniels, and Styles. Throw in Angle and Hardy for some name value talent that can still go in the ring and I think they might get some interest.

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  33. Joey Ryan?! WSX Joey Ryan?! I gotta check out this match.

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  34. I can't believe I just heard about the proper term for plural doofuses in a movie --- it's "doofai," apparently. 

    The movie was Damsels In Distress, which is a pretty amusing wordplay comedy that stars nothing but smoking-hot women.  So, thumbs up!

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  35.  I thought Joey Ryan's gimmick was fantastic. He looked like such a fucking goober. It was sort of like a Kenny Powers sort of thing. And the way he kept his mouth agape, it was brilliant.

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  36. Sheesh, Scott, you gave that main event four (4) snowflakes?  It came off as heatless and had very little flow, in my opinion.  A couple nice spots, but not much more, in my opinion.  I'd go ***. And I know you were curious.

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