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The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–09.27.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 09.27.12

Live from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz

Hulk Hogan starts us out, and tonight is a TURNING POINT for the company. The TV title will be decided with two of Samoa Joe, Magnus, Mr. Anderson or Garrett Bischoff. Next up, the Roode-Storm “debacle” will be decided with a street fight at Bound For Glory, and King Mo will be the referee. Finally, he’ll go to the Aces & Eights clubhouse tonight, even if it means he fights alone. Luckily, Sting arrives to be his backup.

Kurt Angle v. Chavo Guerrero v. Christopher Daniels

Chavo and Angle tee off on Daniels in the corner to start, but Angle misses a charge and posts himself. Kaz trips up Chavo in the meantime, and this leads to an argument with the babyfaces on the floor as we take a break. Back with Daniels working on Angle’s arm with all the partners tossed back to the dressing room. Angle hits german suplexes on both guys, but gets tossed by Chavo. Chavo with a headscissors and senton on Daniels for two, but Angle fires back with a belly to belly on Chavo and the Angle Slam on Daniels. Anklelock, but Chavo rolls him up for two. Chavo with the rolling suplexes on Daniels and he goes up, but Daniels sends Angle into the corner to knock him off. Daniels with the STO for the pin at 9:30. Good start. ***

Meanwhile, Hulk laments the loss of Devon and questions the contenders to the belt. Hogan notes that Bischoff is only here because he was Devon’s partner. However, Hulk doesn’t want any drama with Joe and Magnus, so Magnus is gone. Hulk doesn’t want another girlfriend, apparently, and couldn’t afford Magnus anyway.

Meanwhile, Tara chats with Brooke, but gets interrupted by her new boyfriend calling from Hollywood. Brooke confiscates the iPhone and sends her out to the ring.

Tara v. ODB

Winner gets the title shot at Bound For Glory. EY is with ODB, so that probably shoots down the theory that he’s the secret boyfriend. ODB tosses her around the ring while Eric yells for the tag. Broncobuster and Young wants one as well. Tara bails and ODB hits her with a baseball slide, and back in for some clotheslines and a fallaway slam. Tara bails again while ODB does a kip-up and Taz warns about the dangers of high def TV. Back in, Tara takes off her giant knee brace and sells like she’s injured, but gets a small package for the pin and the title shot. They couldn’t decide if this was a comedy match or what, and it never really clicked. *1/2

Meanwhile, Bruce Pritchard gives Al Snow shit for the Joey Ryan situation, and then the judges discuss Evan Markopolous.

Meanwhile, Hogan eliminates Garrett from the competition, and Garrett gives a very meaningful glare and walks off.

Meanwhile, Bobby Roode tells Austin Aries that he’s cheering for Jeff Hardy at Bound For Glory, because then he can get another title shot again.

TV Title: Samoa Joe v. Mr. Anderson

They slug it out and both go for the finishers, but get nowhere. Joe slugs away in the corner and hits the jump kick for two. Anderson gets a rollup for two and a neckbreaker for two. Joe goes up and Anderson tries the Lambeau Leap, but Joe holds on with a crucifix hold and rolls him over for two. Anderson fights back and tries the Mic Check, but Joe escapes, so Anderson rolls him up for one. Joe pulls him down into the choke, but they’re too close to the ropes and Anderson fights over. Joe wraps up his arm, however, and rolls him back to the middle again and re-applies, and Anderson passes out at 5:17. The Joe push continues onwards. They were actually trying some different things here, although it felt a bit short. **1/2

Meanwhile, Hogan and Sting get abducted and loaded into the back of a white van by Aces & Eights.

Gut Check Decision: Evan Markopolous faces the judges. It’s a yes from Taz, but a no from Pritchard, so Evan gets to cut a promo for Al Snow. He promises to get his ass kicked every week if he has to, and this isn’t enough to convince the Snowman to vote yes. Huh, two weeks in a row where the guys get voted out. I would have given him the developmental deal for a $10 Starbucks card or whatever it involves.

Meanwhile, Sting & Hogan arrive at the clubhouse, and even in real life the leader is voice modulated. The voice pattern sounds a lot like Joseph Park, actually. So the deal is that Hogan picks two guys to face two members of Aces & Eights at Bound For Glory. If TNA wins, they go away, and if Aces win, they get full access to the building. Park (PARK. NOT “PARKS”, HULK, PARK!) is there and tied up, so he can’t be the leader.

Bobby Roode & Bully Ray v. Austin Aries & Jeff Hardy

Bully pounds on Jeff to start, but Hardy takes him down with a headscissors. Over to Aries, so Bully tags out. Aries makes them both look foolish, and Hardy cleans house as we take a break. Back with Hardy landing on his head to become painted-face-in-peril. Roode with a kneedrop for two. Hardy fights back with a Twist of Fate out of nowhere and it’s hot tag Aries. A cheapshot allows Bully to dump him, and the heels work him over. Bully with a splash for two. Bully with the bearhug, but Aries bites free and goes for the tag…and then changes his mind and makes his own comeback instead. Aries fights off both guys and hooks Roode in the Last Chancery, but Bully makes the save. Bully accidentally clotheslines Roode and Aries hits them both with corner dropkicks before giving Roode the suicide dive, and the missile dropkick for Bully. Brainbuster for Roode, and Hardy tags himself in and finishes with the swanton at 14:00. Man, some people are so selfish. Aries had that one totally under control. Good formula tag match with the twist of Aries not wanting to tag out. ***1/4

Meanwhile, Hogan and Sting are returned to the arena, and the Aces pull a KNIFE on them to keep from getting attacked. OK, between that and the blowtorch and the hammer last week, this is getting a tad silly.

The Pulse

Greatness of Aries aside, I wasn’t really feeling this show for whatever reason. Oh well, they can’t all be winners. Not a bad show, just matches that felt too short and didn’t do much for me.

Comments

  1. For the love of god DO NOT BE ERIC BISCHOFF. That is all.

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  2. Please let Joe go back to the dominant monster he was when he was X-Division champion and murder mid-carders week in and week out.

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  3. The Aces and Eights thing is getting REALLY stupid.

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  4. It's going to be Easy E and Garrett Bischoff and then we are going to get a 1 year build up to Hogan vs Garrett. This is a make or break for TNA. Don't screw it up!!

    Everything else on the show is good, Aries world champ(drop the cape, not cool), Tag title feud, Joe as TV champ...well actually the X divison needs a kick in the pants too

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  5. Line of the year in TNA:

    "Hulk, for the first time in your adult life, THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!"

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  6. Joseph Park could be the leader.  Has himself looking 'detained' to throw anyone off his scent.  Something like Bane in The Dark Knight Rises, detaining himself to serve his objective.

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  7. The leader was clearly Eric Bischoff. Listen to his cadence, the way he talks...it was Bischoffs mannerisms all the way. Plus it was clearly a littler dude in the chair than any of the beefy wrestler guys. That coupled with Garrett's stare at Hulk probably means that it's a Bischoff construction. I'm not TOTALLY against it, as long as it's not just another "The company is mine, Dixie, mine! Muahahaha!" And it is getting silly, these guys should have been arrested about 40x so far now, wrestling logic aside. Oh well, not despairing yet...time will tell.

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  8. Vinnie Mac: "IT WAS ME, HOGAN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!"

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  9. If they have him defend the belt every week like Devon was doing for a while, that's a definite possibility. Although it seems just as likely he'll lose it to Magnus at BFG.

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  10. Or...y'know Joker in the Dark Knight...(seriously Nolan, the same bit in two movies?).

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  11. I'd be incredibly disappointed if the leader was Eric Bischoff.

    Now if the leader was GARRETT Bischoff, that could have some potential!

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  12. I really hope your wrong about Hogan vs Garrett. 

    That might be more lopsided than Hogan vs Kidman. 

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  13. Joe: "that's not a knife..." *pulls out his machete* "...THAT'S a knife!"

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  14. I'm not sure how you could not realize it was bischoff. Listen to it again.

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  15. Also the whole biker thing. Hog/Road Wild wasn't just some random idea WCW had.

    Bischoff is good at what he does as far as being a slimey leader of something, so I don't care if he is, just what he's leader of and why they're doing what they're doing matters.

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  16. Hes also a big fan of backwards ball caps.

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  17.  I was trying to hear Bischoff in it but I honestly kept hearing a Wisconsin accent to the vocal cadence, which would be either Mr. Anderson or Austin Aries. Like I said in the live thread though, none of it matters because it's been someone different every week. I really, really sincerely hope it's not Bischoff.

    Although like I've said before, I'm voting in favor of never unmasking them and just keeping them like they are.

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  18. Is it really Bischoff?  That is too funny.  Fuck you TNA.

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  19. So is Bully Ray

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  20. You know it could be a swerve just to thow off the internet...or piss them off.  I would not get too upset about Eric Bischoff appearing as the leader.  If it happens at all.

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  21. Please explain.  Why Garrett?

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  22. Bart Simpson: "That's not a knife, that's a spoon."

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  23. This.  This is what I have been thinking and saying for weeks.  100% agree with Ryan.

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  24. I like the the Aces and 8's storyline.  I do not feel like it's dragging at all.  Now if TNA had a second two hour show and this storyline was mixed in with that, then I would agree that the angle has gone on for too long.

    I do not feel like this storyline is dragging at all.  I really don't.

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  25. Also, this is why it is better than wrestling companies do not even bother creating storylines in wrestling because fans just have no patience.

    I guess I understand Vince Russo's take on storylines in wrestling. Why bother finishing a storyline if fans are either going to forget about it in the end or do not have patience to see it tthrough.

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  26.  Pretty frustrating that they've been building Devon for months and getting him over and in the end he didn't get to give someone the huge rub by losing the TV title to them.

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  27. Well I really liked all three matches and it's awesome to see joe get pushed to a spot where he defends a title on tv every week but I'm hoping the aces and 8's angle is paid off or there is achange in direction by the impact after bfg. Just reveal the leader and purpose and go from there.

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  28. It'd be an interesting twist on his character. Rather than be the plucky rookie, he'd turn into an evil genius-type who was secretly plotting to take control of the company for himself all along. And in some ways the pieces fit. He was one of the first ones to back Hogan, but hasn't done much in the way of direct action. He has the motivation, given Hogan's "You're not ready" spiel from last night. He could reasonably fit the leader's profile from last night.

    Not to mention it would take him out of the ring and transition him to a spokesman role. It'd certainly be more interesting than Uncle Eric's 100th heel incarnation.

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  29. " I see you've played knifey-spoony before!"

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  30. Great bit from Bully backstage to the camera guy: "And don't follow me!  But if you do, shoot my calves"

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  31. The thought of EY being Tara's BF hadn't ever occurred to me.

    Also, when he and ODB walked out wearing the KO tag titles, I was seriously like "Holy crap, I forgot those titles existed, let alone that ODB/EY were the champs"

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  32. Bischoff is from Minnesota I think, so his Upper Midwest voice could be taken as Sconnie through a distorter.  I'd rather it be Wayne Bloom if we're going Minnesotan as it would be insane and also I loved the Crew.  I'd rather it be Russo if we're going non-wrestler, though I'd rather it be a wrestler.

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  33. I laughed at the mace bit.  A lot.

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  34. Wow, they voted "no" on Markopolous? He's 18! There's a ton of potential there. 

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  35. The A&8 angle is getting out of hand with all the kidnapping, torture, etc. As wrestling fans, I'd like to think our suspension of disbelief is as strong as the Golden Gate Bridge, but even this is starting to snap it in two.

    Meh show, but we did get the usual good matches, so that's OK. I did XD @ Tara's whine of "I stood in line for that phone!" 

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  36.  If there was a line that reeked of the Bisch...

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  37. Any predictions for who Sting is gonna pick as his partner?

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  38. Oh, I'm not upset.  I'll laugh my ass off if after all this the payoff is Bischoff coming back.  But I won't be watching anymore if that is the case.

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  39. Garrett Bischoff and he turns on Sting at the end.

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  40. First ever episode of TNA Impact that I ever watched, and thought it was pretty good. Of course, I went in with low expectations, but it didn't bore me and was at least entertaining. The segment when Hogan and Sting were tied up and the Aces and Eights guys had a machete and a blowtorch and stuff was pretty silly, of course. The voice thingy made me laugh, it just seemed like a really bad B-movie. 

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  41. I'm gonna go with Garrett Bischoff and Flair turns on Sting.

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  42. I'm calling it now, the lead of A&8s:

    Tony Schiavone

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  43. BUT ITS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVAH!!!

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